After Ecuador   Authors Lia and Jen JP Smiles
by Liauno
Summary: After returning from Ecuador, Face is upset about the way his teammates treated him and goes to confront Hannibal. Little does he know, he took more than a broken heart home with him.
1. Chapter 1

Title: After Ecuador

Rating: T (possible M later on)

Authors: Lia and Jen

Summary: After returning from Ecuador, Face is upset about the way his teammates treated him and goes to confront Hannibal. Little does he know, he took more than a broken heart home with him.

Warnings: Face h/c; violence; angst; graphic descriptions of character injury/illness, mention of rape

Note: Takes place after "The Only Church In Town".

Chapter 1

A knock on the door woke Hannibal. He retrieved his gun from under the pillow before it occurred to him that somebody who was a threat would probably not knock. They had returned from Ecuador just some hours ago so it was probably not a team member that knocked at his door at 5:30 in the morning. He got up and walked to the door of the rather spacious house Face had scammed for him before they went to Ecuador. He peered through the lens and opened up.

"Hey Face, what are you doing here this early in the morning. You look as if you didn't sleep at all. Something up? Another ex-girlfriend that needs rescue?"

Face said nothing, but glared in reply. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out an envelope. Looking down at the envelope, he paused and reflected upon what he was about to do. Discovering that Leslie had become a nun had been bittersweet; secretly he had hoped there would still be a chance for them together. But at least he finally had the answers to questions that had plagued him for 15 years. Painful as it was, he understood Leslie's decision…he even admired it.

What he didn't understand was the team's reaction to the entire situation. They had mocked him from the start and insisted that he pay them for their services. And when they learned that the only woman he ever loved had chosen to commit herself to God rather than him, they dismissed his feelings completely as if…as if he had none.

Was that what they really thought of him? He didn't know, but he determined to find out. He lifted a shaky arm up to Hannibal and handed him the envelope. "I always prepare an itemized list of expenses for our clients. Being that this time I was the client, I wanted you to have it." Face tried to keep his voice as casual as possible, but on the inside he was quaking. "You'll find that you all were more than fairly compensated for your time. I guess you can consider this case closed."

"Huh? You aren't making any sense. Come inside before someone spots us and remembers where he has seen us before. What would I need that list for; let alone at 5:30 in the morning? You are responsible for keeping such things. What's this all about?" Hannibal was more than a little irritated by this early visit and didn't know how to place it.

Face's first instinct was to turn around and leave. He was disappointed and he was angry, but most of all he was exhausted. The last thing he wanted to do right now was get into it with Hannibal. However, he knew they had to clear the air at some point. And being that he woke the colonel up at such an untimely hour, he might as well get it over with.

Face stepped inside and followed Hannibal to the kitchen where he immediately started making some coffee. Leaning heavily against the doorframe Face ran a hand through his hair and sighed. 'Here goes nothing,' he thought. "I gave you the list because I don't want you or the others thinking that you did me any favors. If anything, you owe me." Face immediately looked away, surprised by the acerbic tone of his own voice.

Hannibal wasn't up for any guessing games before his first coffee. "What do you want Face? Change? You are the one handling our finances, just take your change." Suddenly a light bulb went on in Hannibal's head and he was getting angry. "Ah so this is what this is all about. You are sore because I handed the finances to Amy for this case. You know you should not even have this list. Don't you trust Amy to do it well or do you think we will cheat on you?"

Face unconsciously balled his hands into fists as he struggled to control his rising anger. He felt like hitting something, but his choices were either the wall or Hannibal; neither one a good idea. Instead he walked over to the kitchen table and irritably yanked out a chair. He plopped down in frustration and gripped the edge of the table. "This isn't about the money, Hannibal," he seethed. "And of course I trust Amy…I trust all of you." He bit his lip and thought, 'I just wish you felt the same way about me.'

"If it's not about the money and also not about Amy handling the finances then what is it? Still not over the fact that one of your thousands of ex-girls is a nun now? If that's your problem you are in the wrong place because I'm not into couple's counseling nor am I a shrink. Stop dancing around and tell me why you woke me." Hannibal was getting angrier by the minute.

That Hannibal could be so cold took Face's breath away and hit him as hard as any fist ever had. Leslie wasn't one of his girls…for him she was 'the one'. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest and the room suddenly felt as if it were 20 degrees warmer.

Face willed himself to keep calm; confrontation wasn't exactly his strong point. Sure he could handle conflict just fine when he was running a scam… but this was no con, it was real life. Things were much easier when he was pretending to be someone else. It was when he was Templeton Peck and he had to bare his own soul that he ran into problems.

"It was a mistake coming here," he said avoiding Hannibal's icy stare. "Maybe I should go," he suggested, but made no move to leave.

Hannibal turned back to his coffee machine. He was fuming on the inside. This kid had not been acting normal ever since the nun wrote to him. And now he was sitting in his kitchen, clearly demanding something but not coming out with what it was. Saying he would go but not moving was just the icing on the cake, like a kid with a temper tantrum. However, he also knew that whatever was eating at Face would not go away on its own and if he kept pushing he would never find out.

Hannibal turned back to Face and tried to appear as calm as possible, at least on the outside. The kid was very interested in the surface of the table trying to keep his composure but his white knuckle grip on the edges of the table betrayed him. Hannibal pulled out the chair opposite of Face, set down his coffee mug and slowly sat. He lit a cigar before he spoke.

"Yeah, you could do that. But since you are here you might as well tell me what's going on with you."

Face could tell that Hannibal was pissed off by the methodical way he was smoking his cigar. His tone was condescending; his blue eyes narrowed as he leisurely released the smoke from his lips.

"Okay, colonel," Face said. "You want to know what is going on with me? Fine, I'll tell you." He leaned forward slightly and looked the older man straight in the eye for possibly the first time since the whole mess began. "I came to you guys for help with something…something very personal and important to me. And instead of acting like the friends I thought that you were, you ridiculed me."

Face loosened his grip on the table, but maintained his eye-lock with Hannibal. "And then, adding insult to injury, I hired you. The only way to get the team's help…a team which I thought I was an important member of, might I add…was to pay for it. Just thinking about it makes me sick." It wasn't just lip service; Face suddenly wasn't feeling very good at all. He leaned back against his chair, drained, and rubbed at his now throbbing temples.

"Now come on Face, don't be so overdramatic. You are an important member of this team and you know it. And yeah we did tease you but you have to admit that with most of your ex-girls we would have been right. But I really don't understand why you are so sore about paying us. Yes, we did cases for each other and our families and you don't have a family so it might be a bit unfair on you. I mean if your priest, or one of them anyway, ever gets in trouble you can be sure to get our help. But, really, adding all your ex girls to the list of free cases will leave very few paying clients. And it's not like we take away your hard earned money. What you don't earn through the team is scammed anyway."

Face slammed his fist on top of the table. "Damnit, Hannibal! I told you it wasn't about the money! I have never asked for your help before regarding any girl I was dating, or anything else for that matter…and it looks like I never will again. You make me sound like some kind of male slut who does nothing but steal from people. It's nice to know what you really think of me."

Face wiped at the beads of sweat he felt forming on his forehead; he was so hot. "And thanks for that reminder that I have no family." He chuckled bitterly and added in soft voice. "Yeah, it's a bit unfair."

"Ahhh Face, where did you leave your humor? We've been teasing you about your girls ever since we knew you and all in a sudden you are offended. You know we will help you when you need us. And no, you are not a slut who does nothing but steal; you are a conman who cannot resist any skirt if that makes you feel better. Or let's say, acquiring things for the team is your job and you do a lot of private practice. Your employer is proud about your enthusiasm for the job. And just for the record, you did complain about having to pay us so don't tell me it's nothing to do with money. Look kid, why don't you just tell me what you want and we can both get some rest. You look like you could use some."

Okay, maybe saying this was unfair. Face didn't date as much in Nam as he does now and scamming things was his job. It wasn't as if he could acquire things legally and the team didn't despise his lifestyle…maybe BA did a little. He regretted having made that statement about family knowing that it was Face's weak spot, but the kid really grated on his nerves this morning. Hannibal took a close look at Face who had his eyes closed and rubbing his palms over his temples. His skin was pale and he looked exhausted. Despite the chilly morning temperatures and his rather thin clothes he was obviously sweating. He was slumped in his chair looking as if he was ready to fall off.

"Face." No reaction. "Face, are you alright?"

Face opened his eyes, and blinked a few times trying to get them to focus. The room was spinning and his stomach was churning. Was he alright? Definitely not, but he wasn't about to admit this to Hannibal.

"I'm fine, boss" he asserted with as much sarcasm as he could muster. "After all, I wouldn't want to disappoint my employer." He forced himself to a standing position, but leaned heavily on the table for support. "I'll leave so you can get that rest…I don't have anything else to say." But it wasn't that he had nothing more to say, it was that he didn't have the energy left to say it with.

As he started walking away, Face could feel Hannibal's eyes on him. And for a few seconds it was the only thing keeping him standing. 'C'mon, Peck,' he pleaded with himself, as his vision started to blur over. 'Just a few more feet and you're out the door.'

'Well done Smith. You are such a great leader. Kick him when he is down already.' He could not let Face leave the house. He was contemplating what to do as he watched Face's retreating back.

"Face, you are far from fine. Come back here and sit down before you fall down."

Of course Face did not react to that. Whether it was from stubbornness or because he was too far out to hear him, Hannibal could not say. The way he was swaying there was no way he would make it to the door…or would he? By all means he would not make it to his car and even if he did, Hannibal could not allow him to drive. But to put up a fight outside would draw attention to them which is why he could not allow Face to leave the house.

He knew Face would collapse any moment and was willing him to collapse before he reached the door so he would not have a fight at his hands. Hannibal got up from his chair and followed Face with a little distance. The fact that the kid did not acknowledge his presence spoke volumes.

Face was breathing hard as he stumbled down the hall toward the entrance. The dizziness was bad; so bad that he could barely make out the door directly in front of him. After a few more steps he sank to his knees unable to go any further. Shoulders sagging, he hung his head as hot tears burned his eyes and threatened to escape. He could hear Hannibal's footsteps behind him and he desperately wanted to get away. He could feel himself slipping away…and there was nothing he could do about it.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

When Face sunk to his knees Hannibal was at his side in three quick strides. He was still semi-conscious but too far out to control himself. Hannibal knelt down in front of Face and held him close, partly to stop him from hitting the floor as he lost his fight with unconsciousness and partly because he realized that the kid needed reassurance. As he touched Face he felt how hot he was, definitely running a fever. It took only moments until Face went slack in his arms and he gently lowered his lieutenant to the ground. His face was wet with tears and with a pang of guilt Hannibal noticed just how much his teasing had hurt Face.

Anyway, there was time to think about his feelings later on. Right now Hannibal had to find out what was wrong with the kid. Had he caught some tropical disease? After all they had not have had the time to prepare for the trip. Was it something contagious, then the others could have it too. He first had to get Face to a more comfortable position. There was no way he could carry him alone unless a fireman's carry. Hannibal opted for putting a pile of blankets on the living room floor and dragging Face the short distance over to it. After that he stripped him out of his clothes and covered him with a light blanket. That way he could cool his body down with wet washcloths. After he made sure Face was as comfortable as possible he reached for the phone.

"Murdock, how are you doing?"

"Fine, feel totally nuts just as usual."

"Face came over here and…"

"Face came to you? Does he not know the number one rule for clients?"

"I hate to ask, what does it say?"

"Never contact the team after the case is done for the military may follow you."

"Great Murdock, somehow I got the feeling that's the last thing Face needs to hear right now." Funny how he had been teasing him just minutes ago and now felt protective.

"Face collapsed. He is running a fever, pale and covered in cold sweat. Might be some souvenir from Ecuador. If you get any symptoms make sure you get help."

Murdock sobered instantly. "How is he? Do you need me to come over?"

"Not just now, I'll keep you informed. He is out of it and I want to wait and see. I don't want to take the risk of involving a doctor just now."

"Okay, keep me updated and tell him to get well from me."

"Alright."

Hannibal repeated the same call to BA and told him to stand by in case they needed to transport Face to a doctor. He then settled in beside his patient to cool him down and wait.

Face could see her in front of him sitting by the pond. She looked so beautiful…just as he remembered her all those years ago. She lifted her head to meet his eyes and a smile lit up her face and filled his heart. He walked over and took her soft hand into his and got down on one knee. He looked down for a moment to retrieve the ring from his jacket pocket. Looking back up, the ring fell from his fingers as the woman he loved now sat before him clothed as a nun.

There was a clap of thunder and the sky darkened as rain began to fall. "I never loved anybody…never let myself love anybody…until I met you," he said as the rain slid down his cheeks.

Leslie disappeared and left him alone once again. "No…don't leave me, Leslie…no." Face felt something cold and wet against his cheek and then his forehead. He heard a voice, but it sounded muffled and far away. The voice kept talking soothingly; gradually coming in louder and clearer bringing him back to consciousness.

Face's eyes fluttered open and there Hannibal was sitting next to him, concern etched on his features. He tried to push himself up, but was too weak to even lift his head. "Hannibal ," he muttered. "What happened?"

Hannibal watched as Face begun to twitch and moan, obviously in the clutches of a dream. As he came around he started to mumble something. All Hannibal could make out was the word love but as he came closer to awareness his speech became louder and more clear. "No…don't leave me, Leslie…no."

"No one's leaving you, kid, just a dream. Come on wake up. I'm here for you. I'm not leaving you. Come on, open your eyes for me, just a dream, kid." Hannibal tried to sooth him and bring him out of his dream faster while running a cool wet washcloth over his face. Face's eyelids fluttered and Hannibal continued talking, "That's it Face, open your eyes, it's just a dream, yeah that's a good boy."

Face had confusion written all over his face. "Hannibal , what happened?"

Was that the same man he had been angry with just a few hours ago? Hannibal regretted all his harsh words. The kid seemed so weak and vulnerable right now. "Don't try to move just now. You collapsed in my hall, remember?"

It took a while before Face gave a little nod. "Good. You are running quite a fever here. How do you feel?"

Face looked as if he was going to answer when he paled even more before deciding on a change of decoration and turning to a shade of green. Hannibal knew what was coming and brought the bowl he had used to rinse the washcloth closer. Just as the heaving started he turned him on his side and held him over the bowl. His whole body jerked with each heave but only a little bile came out. When he was done Hannibal gently placed the now trembling Face back down and continued to wipe the new formed sweat off his body.

When Face's heavy breathing stopped and he seemed to have gained a little composure Hannibal frowned down at him, "When did you start feeling sick and just when was the last time you ate or drank something?"

"Started feeling really tired and achy on the plane ride back,"Face said wrapping his arms around himself to quell the tremors. He could never understand how it was possible to be so hot and so cold at the same time. "Haven't eaten since then." The truth was he hadn't had much of an appetite for anything since Father O'Malley showed up at his doorstep with his old fraternity pin.

He wished the floor would open up and swallow him whole; he hated showing weakness. But if there was one thing he hated more, it was showing weakness in front of the colonel. "I'm okay, "he slurred rolling slightly to one side in an effort to get up. Hannibal put a gentle hand on his shoulder and stopped him from being successful. He eased him back down and gave his arm a reassuring squeeze. No words were needed, the worried look in his eyes was enough to convince Face to stay down.

Face was overwhelmed. One minute he felt as if nobody cared…not Leslie, not the team…not Hannibal. But now he didn't know what to think. It was all too much for him to handle. He closed his eyes as the darkness overtook him yet again.

"Yeah, you are okay and ready to go. I can see that. At least we can rule out food poisoning, what's not inside cannot cause trouble. When will you ever learn to talk to one of us when you're not fine? Probably when we start listening and reading your actions rather than your words." Hannibal patted his unconscious patient on the shoulder and proceeded to slide a thermometer under his tongue.

When he removed the thermometer it still read 104 degrees, all the cooling had done nothing to reduce the temperature but only stopped it from going up. Hannibal decided to call Maggie.

"Hi Maggie. It's John."

"John, who is it this time?"

"Why, you think I only call you when one of us is down?"

"I don't think…I know."

"Okay, it's Face. We went to Ecuador and now he has a high fever, is pale, sweating, collapsed in my hall about 3 hours ago and vomited when he came around."

"Did you take malaria precautions?"

"No. There was no time."

"Okay, food poisoning?"

"He hasn't taken in anything in over 24 hours."

"He what?"

"I just found out."

"You need to get liquids into him. Is he responsive?"

"He's been unconscious most of the time since he collapsed and he's as weak as a kitten."

"Can I talk to him?"

"He's out of it right now. Anyway, he would tell you he's fine."

"True. How high is his temperature?"

"104 for the past 3 hours. I striped him to his boxers, covered him with a light blanket and I'm cooling him with wet washcloths but the temperature won't drop."

"Can you bring him here?"

"It's quite some way and I don't want to tip of the military of our safe hold doctor. We'll come to you only as our last resort."

"Okay, first thing you need to get liquids into him. Do you know how to start an IV line?"

"Not done it in years, but it will be alright."

"You need to keep him on it if he can't drink or hold the water down. When he starts drinking get him an oral rehydration solution. How did you take his temperature?"

"Oral."

"That's quite high then. You might want to change to rectal whiles he is unconscious or irresponsive. As soon as the fever spikes to 105 you have to medicate him and you will not get an accurate read when he breathes through the mouth. Do you have fever medication ready?"

"I have Tylenol, but only tablets."

"You need to get injections that go in his bottom or suppositories and get them now to be prepared."

"He'll hate me for the rest of his life."

"He can hate you all he wants once he is fine. Do you know how to draw blood?"

"Ah Maggie, you know how he hates needles. Yeah, I know how to do it."

"Right now I don't care whether he hates needles. Get a kit, draw a good amount and get it to a lab. Tell them to run a complete scan including tropical disease. I need the results ASAP. It might be malaria. If so then his fever should drop after some hours to rise again after 24 or 48 hours, depending on the type, but the unconsciousness is uncharacteristic. It might as well be the flu or anything else. Make sure you keep a close tab on his temperature and continue sponging him. Which pharmacy should I call to get the prescription ready?"

Hannibal gave her the phone number and then made another call, "BA, I need you to pick something from the pharmacy and come over."

Hannibal felt drained. He hated opponents that could not be fought with plans and guns. Eying the thermometer and the pale complexion of Face he took a decision. Rolling him on his side he mumbled "Sorry, kid."

After a very short time BA showed up with a big bag of meds and supplies. He had hurried as fast as he could, knowing that one of his family members was sick. To Hannibal it still seemed like ages now that he knew what to do but had to sit by watching helplessly as Face fought with an unknown illness.

"How is he, man?"

"Out of it. Fever is still high and I can't get him cooled."

"No wonder, it's hot in here."

"Help me move him to the bed room. There is more ventilation and he'll be more comfortable."

BA was the one of them who could pick Face up and carry him on his own. "Man he is hot. No joking."

"Take him to the master bed room." Hannibal was rummaging through the bag BA had brought, taking the liquid meds to the fridge. Ah great, Maggie had thought of everything. In the bag were IV ports with double access. That way he could leave the IV on and get meds into him without having to pierce him with a needle every time. The blood kit also fit to the port so all he had to do was get it in his arm. 'Can't be too difficult.'

"BA, hold him still, just in case. I need to get that port in." Face had never been a fan of needles that were directed his way, or any medicine at all for that matter. But since the camps he had developed a phobia against them. He had never told them why but they had a fairly good idea. They usually needed to trick him and hold him down when it was time for vaccinations and avoided syringes as much as they could. This time, no chance though. Hannibal decided for a good spot and got busy. He had the needle inside but nothing was flowing. He sighed and tried again.

"He'll wine forever about the bruises the way you are rummaging around in his arm."

"You are a big help. Anyway, good thing he is out of it." It took three tries to get it set correctly and Hannibal carefully fixed it with pads, bandages and gauze. He proceeded to draw the blood and then connected the IV line. At last he wrapped the port in more bandages and gauze so Face could not rip it out easily.

"BA, get the blood and this prescription to a lab and tell them to scan it in record time. Maggie will call us as soon as the lab gives her the data."

BA squeezed Face's shoulder reassuringly and was out of the door and on his way in seconds.

Hannibal settled in to wait. Face had not even stirred during the whole ordeal and his concern grew. BA called in that he was going back to the kid's center. He had some things to finish so he would be free to stay with Hannibal and Face for the next days.

Evening came and nothing had changed. Hannibal had replaced the IV bag several times and tended to Face's fever without the slightest stir from the kid. He was really worried now. When the phone rang he thought it must be Maggie and hurried to answer it.

"Hannibal, I know I shouldn't call but I'm worried. You didn't give me an update since this morning. How is he doing?"

"Sorry captain but I have no news. We are still waiting for the results of the blood test, his fever hasn't broken and he is still out of it. We have him on an IV. Can you believe the stupid kid did not eat or drink anything since we left Ecuador?"

"No telling what he ate in Ecuador. I mean we pretty much avoided his company. He was with the nuns most of the time and the few times he joined us for meals he did not eat much. Colonel, I feel so guilty. This Leslie must have really meant something to him and we teased him bad."

"You have less reason than BA and me to feel guilty. At least you noticed. Look, can you spring yourself and get over here, we might need to go to Maggie and I think it's good for him to have you around. I need to go back. He is in the master bed room and the phone is in the hall. I don't want him to wake up alone, especially not with an IV in his arm."

"Yeah you better keep an eye on him. I'll be there as soon as I can."

The next time Face woke up he was lying in an unfamiliar bed wearing next to nothing. Confused, he looked around the room trying to remember where he was and what had happened. He thought about trying to get up, but there was an IV in his arm that was attached to the bed post. Not to mention that the room was tilting from side to side and he doubted his limbs would cooperate.

He felt helpless…and very alone. He thought he remembered Hannibal saying that he was there for him and that he wouldn't leave him. 'Guess I imagined it,' he thought. 'Must be the fever.' The window was open to let in the cool air and he was practically naked, but he was still burning up. Face swallowed hard past the lump that had formed in his throat. The guys really didn't care after all; they only kept him around to get things for them.

Adding to his misery was that he hurt everywhere. Even his hair seemed to ache if that was possible. But he was especially surprised at a deep throbbing sensation coming from his right foot. He tried to lift his leg to get a look, but the slightest movement was excruciating and made him see stars before his eyes. 'I don't remember hurting my foot,' he thought. Then again, his mind wasn't exactly clear at the moment…everything was fuzzy.

He attempted to lift his foot one more time, and this time was a bit more successful. He gritted his teeth against the pain as he reached out with his free arm and took hold of his ankle. There in his line of still bleary vision was what appeared to be a deeply inflamed puncture wound. 'I should probably tell somebody about this,' he thought. But where was everybody?

He released his limb and slowly lowered it back down to the bed. As soon as the foot made contact with the mattress, the pain was too much. Once again, Face's world faded to black.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

When Hannibal came back into the room Face's position had changed but he was unconscious. 'Oh god, I hope he didn't wake up in the few minutes I was gone. In his fevered state he might think we left him alone.' Hannibal checked the IV port and found it intact. 'Rather unlikely that he woke up and didn't even try to remove it. Probably just moved in his sleep. Maybe he is finally coming around.'

Hannibal got back to the book he had started reading but his thoughts remained with the lieutenant in his bed. 'Great commander I am, didn't even notice it was his heart that was hurting and not his ego. And when he came to tell me how much our teasing hurt him I was too dense to even get the hint. Instead I stabbed him in the back. Would never have thought that a lost love from 15 years ago could throw him so out of whack, after all she was not the first one to abandon him. Ouch…good thing I did not say that out loud.'

The phone rang again and Hannibal left the room to answer it. Hopefully it was Maggie with good news.

"What's his temperature now?"

"104.2...that was an hour ago. And hi to you too, Maggie."

"An hour ago? I told you to keep a close tab! You can't feel the difference between 104.2 and 105 by touching his forehead. If it rises too high he can go into seizures. Anyway, start him on fever meds, the temperature has been too high for too long."

"How do I get those pre-filled Tylenol syringes in his IV?"

"You don't. Just inject him. I can't prescribe Tylenol in bottles, it's only handed out to doctors. The lab called. It's not a tropical disease. They found traces of an infection and something else that they couldn't place. They need more blood to run more tests. Does he have any wounds or did he complain about internal pains, maybe in his stomach?"

"No, he would probably not have said anything either. I'll get more blood to the lab ASAP."

"Okay, call me if anything changes but if he doesn't get better by morning bring him here. And as soon as he is better I'll have a nice long and not to friendly chat about eating and drinking with your lieutenant. The results say he is dehydrated and bordering on malnutrition."

The ringing of a phone brought Face back around. He heard Hannibal's voice coming from the hallway, but could not quite make out all of what was being said. He heard the word "blood" and immediately wondered who was injured.

Lost in a fevered haze, he felt a sudden sense of panic. On instinct, he sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed. His head swam and his stomach protested, but he had to find the team and make sure they were okay.

He stood up on his shaky legs, ripping the IV out of his arm in the process. Blood flowed freely from the injection site, but he was too out of it to notice. Only when he took a step forward and his injured foot hit the floor did he feel any pain. He gasped, and reached out for the wall to keep from collapsing to the ground.

After taking a moment to get the pain under control, he limped painful forward. He was almost to the door when he lost his balance and catapulted forward. He reached his arms out to brace his fall and waited for the impact. Instead of falling to the ground, however, he fell into the open arms of Hannibal.

"You okay?" he slurred. "Are B.A. and Murdock okay?"

"Jesus Face, what are you doing? You are the one who is most definitely not okay." Hannibal gently lowered Face all the way down to the floor. It was then that he noticed all the blood on himself and Face. 'Oh no, the IV.'

"Face let me see your arm. Oh damn, damn, damn." The IV port was ripped out and the blood was pumping out of Face's body in the rhythm of his heartbeat, which was quite fast in his confused state. Hannibal scrambled for a sterile bandage and a towel to press down on the wound.

"No kid, don't pull your arm away. We have to stop the bleeding; you ripped quite a hole in your arm. Don't struggle, calm down. That's it, just be still." Face stilled and for a moment Hannibal thought his talking had gotten through to him but it was just the calm before the storm. Obviously the action was too much for Face's stomach. He rolled to his side and started heaving.

"My god, kid, you have great timing today."

The colonel had his hands full applying pressure to the wound while holding Face on his side. Eventually the heaving subsided and so did the blood flow, but Face started to struggle again and Hannibal had to use his weight to hold him down. He had to fix a pressure bandage around Face's left armpit where the IV had been but needed to let go of him in order to get it done. He decided to risk it as the blood flow had almost stopped, all the time talking soothingly to him. As soon as he was released Face scrambled backwards, eyes wide like a scared animal and breathing heavy, confusion written all over his face.

"No…stay away…please…no," Face whimpered. A figure came towards him, slowly. Face pushed himself into the corner and pulled his knees into his chest. He hurt so much and didn't know how much more he could take.

"I….I won't tell….you….any….anything," he stuttered. They had come to take him away again, but he wouldn't break. They would have to kill him before he would talk; they had done just about everything else but, and he never said a word before. And he wasn't about to start now.

The figure was talking to him and had gotten on his knees to crawl over. Face closed his eyes. He knew what was about to happen and he didn't want to see it as well as feel it.

As the voice came closer he realized that the words were not Vietnamese.…they were English.

And the smell was so familiar … cigars … Hannibal! But it couldn't be. Hannibal had no access to cigars in the camps; it had to be a trick.

Face hugged his knees in tighter and tried to escape in his mind to someplace else. It was all he could do at times like these. He jumped as a hand wrapped around his arm and squeezed tightly. "Just go away," he pleaded, pulling away with all his might. He continued to fight with what little he had left until he heard something that made him stop.

'Kid'…his attacker had called him kid. And there was only one person who did that. Face opened his eyes to see Hannibal at work bandaging up his arm. "Hannibal," he sighed in relief.

But the blood…there was so much blood. The sight of it made him dizzy and weak. He slumped back against the wall and tried to get his mind to focus.

"Hannibal," Face whispered. "I don't feel so good."

"That would be the understatement of the day." After Hannibal finished with the bandage he sat down beside Face, put and arm around his shoulder and hugged him. He knew Face would protest if he was okay but he allowed Hannibal to show affections when he was sick enough. "You are safe here kid. No one's gonna hurt you. It's just the fever playing tricks with your mind."

After a minute Hannibal got back to business. From the look in Face's eyes he could tell that his mind was still not really here and there was no telling how long he would be up. "Okay kid, once you are up I need you to hold the thermometer in your mouth and breathe through your nose." Face shrank back when he brought the object closer. "It's okay Face, just a thermometer. Now come on, open up." 104.5, the temperature had still not gone down.

"Okay, now I need you to swallow some Tylenol." 'And pray that it will stay down. Trust me, you don't want to hear about the alternatives,' he mentally added.

Hannibal got up and went for the tablet and a glass of water. When Face saw the drug his eyes spoke volumes. 'No way he's going to swallow it quietly,' Hannibal sighed. But as he came closer Face seemed very eager to get to the water. Hannibal held it just out of his reach.

"You want the water?" A nod, eyes all the time fixed on the water. "You will get it when you take the tablet in your mouth." He could see the internal struggle going on. He really craved the water but was afraid of the drug. "It's just Tylenol kid. It will help you feel better, I promise. I would never give you anything that would be bad for you. Trust me."

He highly doubted it was Face's trust in Hannibal that made him relent but he finally opened his mouth a little so Hannibal could push the tablet inside. The glass of water followed and Hannibal had to fight Face's hand down.

"I'll hold it for you. Just little sips … you don't need to be sick again. Just drink slowly."

So far so good; now how to get this boy back to his bed? He did not even consider the IV an option right now; he was realistic enough to know that he had no chance to set an IV to a responsive Face, let alone a feverish and confused Face. Hannibal wished BA would come back. Not that it would help with the IV, in Nam a whole team of doctors and nurses in addition to BA, Hannibal and Murdock had no chance until he was sedated, but at least he could help him get to the bed. What was taking him so long? A loud knock on the door ended his musings.

"Colonel, it's me."

Ah, Murdock to the rescue. "Face, I'm going to open the door for Murdock. Everything is fine. I'll be with you in a minute."

"Colonel, what happened?" Murdock was shocked by the bloody appearance of Hannibal.

"Face took a little trip and apparently decided he would be better off without the IV. I had no chance to clean …." A loud crash from the bedroom made them run to the door.

Face didn't want Hannibal to leave him; he didn't want to be left alone. What if he didn't come back? His parents didn't come back. All the people who promised to adopt him didn't come back. Leslie didn't come back ... until recently. But, in reality, she was still gone from his life.

He pushed against the wall and slid his way up until he was vertical.

But Hannibal and the others wouldn't leave him…would they? They had stuck together since Nam and had been to hell and back together. But he also never thought they would treat him the way they did in Ecuador, either. Maybe they were no better than all the others that had hurt him over the years. Maybe they didn't care about him the way he cared about them.

Face was the con artist of the group, but were the tables turning on him? Had they really been scamming him all these years into thinking he really mattered?

There was a battle raging in Face between his head and his heart. The main problem was that his head was ravaged by fever and his heart had been damaged by the recent turn of events.

Face brought his hands to his head and squeezed them together trying to press out all the bad thoughts. Maybe he wasn't sick; maybe he was just going crazy? The walls felt like they were closing in on him and it was getting harder to breathe. He had to get out of there.

He stepped forward and reached out for the floor lamp to steady himself. He came down hard on his right foot and it gave out from the pain, sending the lamp toppling down on top of him. He curled up in a ball and cradled his foot in his hands.

"Face, buddy. What happened?" Murdock was first to reach him. Face only moaned in response, his face a mask of pain.

Hannibal, who was now used to the sight of a bloody, sweaty and weak Face noticed the difference. "Let me see your foot, kid. Did you hurt it in your fall? Come on, let go, I just want to have a look, I won't hurt you." Hannibal gently coaxed Face's hands away and carefully started examining the foot.

Murdock sat down and pulled Face into his lap, wrapping his arms around his shivering and trembling friend to provide some comfort and more importantly to immobilize his arms so that Hannibal got to do his job. Face tried to free his foot from Hannibal's grasp any time he touched him.

"It's swollen but nothing seems broken. It wasn't swollen when I striped him, at least not that I noticed. What is this? Looks like a puncture wound. Here, right under his ankle."

It was difficult to see the small wound in the swollen flesh but when Hannibal gently pressed down on the area around it Face yelled in pain and kicked out so hard that Hannibal lost his grip on the foot. Face struggled against Murdock for a few seconds before his eyes rolled back in his head and he went limp. His breathing was hard and uneven. Hannibal took the foot up again and examined the wound. When pressing down around it, pus was leaking from it.

"It's deeply infected and obviously hurt's like hell. I guess that is the herd of infection Maggie was looking for." On Murdock's puzzled look he explained what the lab had found and what Maggie had been asking for.

"Help me get him on the bed. I want to set up the IV port in his other arm and draw more blood as long as he is out of it. Good thing Maggie added several ports to our list of supplies."

"Yeah, she is getting good at this."

"Experience is a good teacher. Though, I can live without this kind of experience."

It took a few tries but finally Hannibal had the port in and was filling empty syringes with blood.

"BA should be back any moment. These have to go to the lab and I need to call Maggie. Stay with him, I'm running out of arms if he rips this out again, and he is running out of blood."

"Speaking of the big guy, I hear his van."

"What happened here, man? Place looks like a medic tent in Nam after a shelling."

"Here," Hannibal pressed the filled syringes in BA's hand, "get those to the lab, they are waiting."

"Sure thing." And BA was gone again.

"Murdock, get the bowl filled with fresh water and try to cool and clean Face."

Now that he was alone with Face, Hannibal slumped into a chair. He was feeling drained and exhausted. BA had been right with his comparison; the floor was full of blood and Face had smeared some on the wall too. The bed was blood stained and the floor was littered with plastic wrappers, bloodied bandages and towels. The first IV was still attached to the bed post and dibbing on the floor. Not to speak of the three bloodied figures BA had found in the room. They could all live without those reminders of the war.

When Murdock returned he got up to call Maggie and tell her about the ripped out IV and the infected wound.

"How much blood did he loose?"

"Getting close to a pint I would guess."

"That wound needs to be cut open to be cleaned properly. I'm on my way, give me the address. And give the lab the number of my car phone."

Hannibal directed her to a parking lot in the city where she was to leave her car and Murdock would pick her up to make sure nobody followed.

The lab had a suspicion so they were really fast this time. They called Maggie when she was still 30 minutes from her destination. The chemist in charge used to be a fan of diving and was able to offer an expert opinion.

After arriving at the house she immediately started checking the vitals of her patient while telling the guys what they were facing.

"We are dealing with conotoxine, the venom of the cone shell, in our case the conus striatus from the piscivorous species, a fish eater. It's a sea shell that can grow up to 10 cm and fires a hollow harpoon-like barbed tooth containing venom into its prey or enemy. Contact with humans occurs usually when the shell gets washed to the beach. Symptoms are severe pain that is felt minutes to hours after the sting followed by numbness, paralysis, progressive generalized weakness and poor coordination. It affects the respiratory and the nervous system and can cause hallucinations."

"Where do we get the anti venom?"

"There is no anti venom. The body has to fight the poison itself. A healthy person is usually free of symptoms after about 72 hours. We have to see how the infection and the fever affect the process."

"But I don't understand. We were in the country, not at the beach." Hannibal was confused.

"Actually colonel, the airstrip was at the sea. Because the big guy traded our plane for ship tickets we went to the sea before we … ahemmm … put him to rest."

"You mean you knocked me out sucker."

"Just a different term. Face wandered off while I scammed the plane, possible he went to the beach. He likes going there when he is distressed."

Maggie started rummaging through her medical bag. "I hate to do this to him, but I need to drain as much of that infection out of his foot as possible. Unfortunately, I can't give him anything for the pain because I'm not sure how it would interact with the venom. In his fragile condition, we can't take that risk."

Seeing the look of apprehension on Hannibal's face, she quickly added, "I'll try to be as quick as possible." Hannibal took hold of his lieutenant's hand and nodded his approval.

"I'll need some boiling water and some clean towels," she directed at Murdock, who immediately went scurrying off to retrieve the items. "B.A., you'll have to hold him down. He's out now, but I'm sure as soon as I start the procedure he'll come back around in a hurry."

Maggie set up all of her instruments on the side table and watched as Hannibal stroked Face's hair and spoke softly to him. It was a different side of the man she had never seen before. Colonel John "Hannibal" Smith was not one to wear his heart on his sleeve. His free show of emotion towards Face was testament to just how deeply he cared for the younger man.

The room was silent as Maggie began the procedure. Hannibal stayed up by Face's torso and continued his gentle patter of words. Once B.A. was in position, she picked up the small scalpel and made the first cut.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Immediately, Face's eyes flew open and his entire body tensed in pain. "Stop," he whimpered, not having the energy to do much more. "Please stop."

Murdock handed Maggie a hot rag and tried to put up a brave front for his best friend. "Just hang in there, Muchacho. Maggie is almost done. Just a few more minutes and you can get some more of that beauty sleep that all of us need and you don't...you handsome devil you."

Face couldn't help but smile at Murdock's humor. "Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful," he tried to joke in spite of his agony.

"Face, honey, I'm going to place a hot towel on your foot to try and draw out some of this poison. Don't worry, it's not hot enough to burn you, but it's probably going to feel that way."

Face gripped Hannibal's hand a little tighter. "It's 'kay...do it."

Maggie gave B.A. a look as if telling him to get ready to hold the patient down. B.A. nodded sadly, but knew what he had to do. "Okay, Face, Just try to breathe through this...here we go."

Face grunted and arched his back as the towel pressed against his inflamed flesh. Tears sprung to his eyes, but he was determined not to let them flow. As the towels began to feel cool to the touch, Maggie removed them and began to probe the wound for any remaining particles. He panted as Maggie began to press firmly to expel the infected fluid that had gathered. 'Just breathe...just breathe,' he repeated over and over in his mind.

Finally satisfied that she had done all that she could do, Maggie applied an antibiotic ointment and wrapped the foot lightly in gauze. She patted Face's thigh and smiled, "you did real good, soldier. Now get some rest so your body can fight."

Face looked up at Hannibal who had yet to move an inch from his side, and then over to his teammates who had migrated to the other side of the bed. "Thanks," he rasped. "Tired...think I'm gonna sleep now."

Hannibal continued to stroke Face's hair and talk soothingly to him until he was fast asleep. Only when Face's hand went limp in his did he stop his ministrations and turned a worried gaze at Maggie.

"Don't worry John, he's strong, he will get through this just fine. You all look like you could do with some rest, go and sleep."

"Can't sleep while he is hurting like this", Murdock said and BA agreed.

"We are no help if we are all spent. I'll stay with Maggie and you two can come and relieve us later."

"But Hannibal…" before he could continue BA shoved Murdock out of the room. He knew when Hannibal wanted them gone there was no room for argument.

"Maggie, how bad is it?"

"I told you he will get through this fine."

"You also said this poison affects the nervous system. By rights he should have screamed in pain and passed out from it. Instead he joked with Murdock and was able to hold back. Is he loosing the feeling in his foot?"

"Hannibal, first of all this poison goes two ways, you either die or you recover fully. The one that stung him is not the most poisonous of the species. It can be fatal to humans but usually only if they were sick to begin with or there is no medical attention. Face will get through this. His foot may be numb for a while, the leg can even be paralyzed but it won't last. The effect wears of, usually within a week. Second, the venom is also used as pain killer; there are even studies to use it instead of morphine. It's stronger and less addictive. Your lieutenant has a good shot of morphine in him and does not feel all the pain. Consider him on happy pills right now."

Hannibal was relieved to hear there would be no lasting effects. He had no doubt that Face would pull through this. "Morphine eh? That explains the puking…he always reacts that way on morphine or any strong pain killer."

Maggie went on."Once it wears off he will be really miserable and weak. We can also expect some hallucinations or flashbacks. He sounded quite lucid now but you can never be sure if he was with us in the here and now or in a different time, a mission gone south or Nam for example. I'm more concerned about his respiratory system though, do you hear how he rasps and breathes uneven? One of us has to stay close all the time. He could go into arrest or develop pneumonia. Now let me see what I dug out of him." Maggie went over to the side table. "That confirms it. Look this is the tooth of the shell that it uses as harpoon. It came out with the pus and caused the infection. Good thing it came out easily and I didn't have to cut him more. It's quite big too, was a grown shell and obviously one with a poor sense for personal hygiene. Should have brushed its tooth and we would not have to deal with this infection."

When she looked up Hannibal was still hovering over Face with a concerned look, wiping at his forehead and cheeks.

"Cheer up John, he will be weak for a while but in no time we will be at the 'I'm fine, I don't need rest and I certainly don't need any meds'-phase."

That got a little smile from Hannibal. "And believe it or not, I'm looking forward to it, for now anyway."

"I'll run some tests on the pus to see which antibiotics to start him on. Change his IV for me, will you? The bag is almost empty. And get some rest"

After literally forcing Hannibal into bed, Maggie got to work cleaning up some of the mess. There was no need for them to be reminded of the ordeal they had just been through. In the short time she had known these men, it never ceased to amaze her the amount of trouble they could get into...or out of, for that matter. They were good men, stuck in a bad situation, yet making the best of it. They helped a lot of innocent people , and that alone made her more than willing to provide their medical care when need be.

Maggie looked over at Face and sighed, "I just hope you guys don't need me for a long time to come."

B.A. lumbered down the hall and stopped just before he reached Face's room. He didn't like seeing the people he loved hurting. And not that he would say it out loud, but he loved Face. Face was like the little brother he never had. There was a soft spot for Face in his heart. With his rough childhood, he reminded B.A. of some of the kids he worked with at the center. Maybe that was why he was so tough on him sometimes, but the truth was that he admired the man immensely for all he had overcome.

B.A. put a hand across his chest to still his chains before entering the room. He was surprised to see Amy sitting in a chair next to Face's bed reading a book. "What you doin' here, lil' mama?" he asked softly.

"Maggie called me and asked me to sit with Face while she went out to get more supplies. Where are Hannibal and Murdock?"

"Still sleepin'. Them two fools wore themselves out worryin' about this other fool," he said pointing at the unconscious figure in the bed.

Amy snorted and raised her eyebrows. "Yeah, and you weren't worried about him at all, right?"

B.A. shrugged his shoulders. "Me, nah...I wasn't worried." He smiled sheepishly and added under his breath, "I was terrified."

"That's what I thought," Amy chuckled. "You know something, B.A., your might be all muscle, but inside you're a great big softie."

"I've been telling the big guy that for years," Murdock said appearing in the doorway followed by a disheveled looking Hannibal. They walked into the room and right over to Face. "Man, he doesn't look too good."

"Maggie said that he will probably get worse before he gets better. The good news is that she says his breathing sounds much easier than it did earlier and that it doesn't appear as if his lungs have filled with fluid."

Hannibal exhaled a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. "Thank goodness, he has enough to battle right now without adding that to the list." Hannibal put his hand to Face's sweaty forehead. "Man, he is really hot."

Amy dipped a facecloth into some cool water and handed it to Hannibal. "Maggie also said that we can expect his fever to spike as a sign that it is fighting the infection."

Hannibal placed the cloth on Face's head and nodded; it was going to be a long day.

"Um, listen guys, I've been thinking," Amy said hesitantly.

"Uh-oh," all three coherent members of the team teased.

"Funny," Amy quipped, then smiled nervously and continued. "I think we were all a bit unfair to Face. We trivialized just how important Leslie was in his life." She went on to describe the conversation they had in the plane and how Leslie's sudden departure from his life left him devastated. "She was the reason he left school and went to Vietnam. If you could have seen the look in his eyes when he was talking about her...I have never seen that look before...from anybody"

Amy looked around at her somber audience. Nobody had anything to say...which was very unusual when it came to this bunch of men. But there were no words to describe how bad they were feeling. "I'm sorry, I should have said something at the time, but as soon as we got there he seemed alright. It wasn't until the plane ride home that I noticed that same haunted look back in his eyes. But I knew you guys would take care of him."

Hannibal visibly paled at that last statement. 'Oh, I took care of him all right. I rubbed salt right onto his open wounds.'

Amy started playing with her hair, twisting it between her fingertips. "I'm telling you this now, because with him getting sick so soon after getting home, you may not have had time to realize that he was hurting both physically and mentally."

"Damn," B.A. cursed.

Murdock yanked the hat off of his head and said sadly, "I see your damn and raise you one. We should have noticed from the very start. Face never asks us for help. How could we have been so blind."

B.A. thought back to how he made fun of Face's fraternity pin and called it a cheap piece of jewelry. "We wasn't just blind, man, we was downright cold."

It wasn't until about an hour after Amy left to go back to the paper that they heard a low moan. Face's eyes fluttered open, looking glassy and unfocused. They were at his side in an instant.

"How're you feeling, buddy?" Murdock asked.

Face didn't answer at first. His brain felt as if it were moving in slow motion. It was taking him a few seconds to understand what was being said and then a few more seconds to put his thoughts together to respond. "I...I...don't know...so...so...hot." He furrowed his brow and a look of confusion spread across his visage. "And...my...my...leg feels...like it...like it fell asleep."

"Don't you worry, Faceman. You hurt your foot and Maggie fixed it up for you. She gave you some medicine for the pain." B.A. figured that there was no reason to go into detail for he wouldn't have been able to understand it right now anyway.

Face looked to Hannibal who was standing at the foot of the bed and being quiet...too quiet. He took that to mean one of two things: he was angry or worried. But either way it was most likely his fault. "S..s..sorry, Colonel."

"Shh kid. You have nothing to be sorry for. Just rest and get better, everything will be alright." Hannibal wanted to come to Face's side and provide any comfort, stroke his hair from his forehead or even just squeeze his shoulder reassuringly, but he didn't have it in him. He had hurt the kid so bad. In addition to the physical pain he was going through he had caused him mental pain too and sparked his insecurity issues they had worked hard to suppress but never quite succeeded. He felt he had lost all right to any affectionate touches; had lost the right to feel like a father to the kid let alone to expect Face to ever see a father figure in him again.

Face's fever raged throughout the day and late into the night. They took turns caring for him and trying to keep him as cool as possible, but it was a daunting task. One minute he could seem completely lucid and the next he would be flashing back.

The Vietnam flashbacks were hard for them to witness. Face was having vivid hallucinations and really believed he was back in the war. Living through it once was hard enough; he shouldn't have to relive it again. And now the memories were flooding back to them all.

But perhaps the most difficult moments were when Face was transported back to his years at the orphanage. It was heartbreaking to hear a little boy's voice coming out of a grown man's mouth. Even though Face didn't talk about those years much, they could tell from his silence that they were difficult. Out of his head with sickness, however, he had no control over his words and he held nothing back. It was like reading Face's private diary; it felt wrong to listen, but it was too compelling to turn away. At some point during the evening, Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. each found themselves in tears.

Maggie had started Face on a new round of antibiotics shortly after sunset. Just after dawn, Murdock came flying into the kitchen, where she was refilling her coffee mug for the umpteenth time, and announced that Face was sweating profusely and shivering uncontrollably.

After a quick examination and temperature check, she beamed as she reported to the men that Face's fever had finally broken. "The poison is working its way out of his system…he is going to be just fine." Maggie unwrapped his foot and studied the puncture wound which was still red and inflamed. "Unfortunately, the numbing effects of the toxin will be dissipating as well, and it looks like this wound will need to be drained again…and soon."

Murdock left the room to come back within seconds, carrying a thick blanket.

"Murdock, don't cover him."

"But he is shivering, he won't be comfortable. Face always sleeps with several blankets on him." Murdock was on edge, all the war memories were taking its toll on him. He did not want to see his friend in any discomfort and could not understand how Maggie could deny him a simple blanket.

"Murdock, he still having a high fever, it's just about to leave his body. If you cover him now he cannot cool down." Maggie saw how distressed Murdock was and decided to explain a little further. "The fever was present for a long time. His body has accepted that as its new normal temperature. We have to allow him to cool down even if he shivers. For now you can help him best by gently wiping the sweat away. When he stops sweating we will cover him with a light blanket."

Now that Murdock had a task and could actually help his friend he was feeling better.

"BA, get Hannibal while I prepare everything to drain his wound. I want it done as soon as possible. We can't risk a sedative just yet and I want to use the numbing effect of the poison as long as it is there. We will have to repeat the process for a few times more and though it will be easier on him as it heals, he will be in enough pain."

"Sure, just give me a minute to talk to him." Maggie smiled her thanks. They had both noted the change in Hannibal's behavior. He would be hovering over Face when he was out of it or in a flashback but kept his distance as soon as he showed signs of being lucid. When Murdock had started to wipe Face's sweat away he had slipped from the room.

BA found him just outside the room, leaning against the wall. "What's the matter with you? You ain't acting right."

Hannibal appeared drained and tired. BA had not seen such a look in Hannibal's eyes since the war, and even then it was only when he was mourning someone. "BA, I did this to him."

"What you talking about? You ain't a sea shell an you didn't sting him."

"I did not see how he was hurting. If I would only have listened to him in the plane instead of leaving as soon as he started to talk. One of the rare times that he opens up and I kick him right back. If I had not done that he would not have gone to the beach and he would not be in this condition now. How can I stay close? He has all rights to hate me."

"Yeah, you are right. And if he had not been born his parents would not have abandoned him. Don't look at me like that… it's just the same thing you said. You are being stupid. Fool goes to the beach any chance he gets. Ain't your fault. And besides we all didn't see it."

"But I'm his commander. I liked to think of myself as a father figure for him, for all of you. How could I not have seen this? Someone who can scam a pink Cadillac in the jungles of Vietnam cannot get a plane in all of LA? It just doesn't happen. He was so thrown of his game by all this and I didn't see it."

"None of us saw it and we all teased him."

"But he came to me, BA, and the things I said to him….."

"Were just words that can be forgiven. He needs you. You are his father for all that matters. If you stay away from him like that what should he think? You want him to think that he made you mad and now you don't want anything to do with him? Now come on…Maggie needs us."

BA did not wait for Hannibal to answer because he knew he had hit home. He went into the room where Maggie, who had heard everything, whispered her thanks.

"We are all set here. BA, hold him down. Murdock, help me hold his leg still. And Hannibal, do what you did last time…it worked well."

Hannibal was standing there unsure if that was really what Face needed and wanted. "John, will you move it. Get to his head and help BA hold him down while you sooth him. He will wake up with a start as soon as I begin and will be in much more pain than last time." A little softer she added, "he needs you now."

If they thought things had been difficult before, nothing compared to watching Face suffer through the excruciating wound cleaning. The instant scalpel hit flesh, he nearly jumped off of the bed, even with B.A. holding him down. Maggie pulled away, not wanting the sharp instrument anywhere near her patient until he was steady.

"A little warning first next time, guys?" he joked breathlessly; the pain evident in his voice.

"Sorry, Face," Maggie sympathized, "I was hoping your foot would still be somewhat numb."

He flashed a wan smile. "Me too."

"You know what they say..." Murdock started, smiling mischievously.

B.A. growled, "Oh, this oughtta be good."

"No pain...no gain."

"Thanks Murdock," Face groaned. "I'll try to remember that."

"Stop the crazy jibber-jabber, fool! Ain't your foot Maggie's cuttin' into."

Hannibal remained oddly silent during the entire exchange, and Maggie shot him a worried glance before getting back to the task at hand. "You just let me know when you're ready."

Face gripped the bed post tightly with one hand and reached out for Hannibal's hand with the other. He could tell that there was something wrong with the Colonel, as he wouldn't make eye contact with him. "Okay, let's get this over with."

The entire procedure took about a total of 15 minutes, but seemed much longer for everybody in the room. Hannibal squeezed Face's hand as Maggie made another deeper cut and then squeezed the side of the wound until no more pus came out. Face's knuckles were white and his eyes screwed tightly shut. Taking a pair of tweezers, she inserted them inside the wound to probe for any more debris. At this point, tears started streaming from his eyes, and his entire body was shaking.

"I'm almost done...I just need to disinfect the site," Maggie said reaching for a bottle of peroxide. "Take a couple of deep breaths for me...here we go."

B.A. held onto Face a little tighter as she began to pour. Face gasped and struggled against the white hot agony. When she was done, Maggie squeezed his shoulder and said, "all done...you did real good."

Face had turned a sickly shade of grey and was breathing hard. "I don't feel so good...I think I'm gonna... be...sick," he moaned. Murdock grabbed a bucket and B.A. rolled Face onto his side.

The last thing Face saw before losing the battle with his stomach was Hannibal's back as he fled the room.

_Authors Note: From the next chapter I'm going to change the rating to M to be on the safer side, so watch out for the updates._


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

Maggie watched Hannibal practically running out of the room and, seeing that her patient was cared for, followed him in a hurry. She was furious by the time she reached him in the far corner of the hall, the furthest place from the bedroom in the whole house.

"What was that about, John Smith? I told you to comfort and sooth him, to talk to him as you did before. I told you he needs you and what do you do? You are cold and distant, not even looking at him. The only thing that was missing was you pulling your hand away as he reached out for you."

"Maggie, I…."

"Don't you interrupt me; I'm not done with you. You know how he craves those little touches when he is sick, how he is drawing strength from you guys, knowing you are there for him and he doesn't have to go through his pain alone. You know it perfectly well and you deny him those little comforts. I heard only half of the story by now but I think you guys and you in particular have hurt him enough, don't you think so? That boy in there has done enough for this team. Hell, he even scammed things for me! He's trying hard to help and please everyone, it's about time you did a little pay back."

Hannibal was slumped against the wall, looking defeated. Since Maggie did not get an answer she continued. "You were all love and care yesterday and today you are cold as ice towards him at the time it matters…when he is lucid enough to notice your care. You trying to punish him for something? Because that's damn well how it looks."

"No, Maggie, you know that's not it. It's not the kids fault."

"Then what is it?" Maggie was getting more agitated by the minute.

"It's…I….he…I was so blind Maggie, we teased him while he was hurting bad on the inside and then today Amy told me he bared his heart to her on the plane ride. He wanted to tell me Maggie…me. It's very rare for him to talk about something so personal and when he started I left to sit with Murdock. I could as well have ripped out his heart and thrown it away. And then, there are the things I said when he made another attempt and came to me. Face deserves better, so much better. He deserves friends that really care and listen to him instead of making fun of him and his needs all the time. How could he still want me around after…"

Maggie had quite a temper, especially when it came to protecting her patients. Upon hearing Hannibal's words something inside her snapped and she screamed right in his face, loud enough for the three team members in the room to understand every word. "Is this what it's all about? You going to abandon him just like all the other people in his life. Well, Colonel, if that's the case you might as well leave now. No need to stick around until he feels better just to kick him in the teeth then."

Maggie turned to leave but Hannibal stopped her. "Maggie, you know that I would never do that. I would never leave him behind but I just can't look him in the eyes after I betrayed him like this. I can't see how he would still want to stick around."

Maggie, who had vented her anger, spoke more calm now. "You are a stupid blind fool, John Smith. Who did the boy reach out for to brace for the pain? He reached for you. He needed your support, knew he could draw strength from you to get through the procedure. He reached out for one of the three people that stuck by his side in the past more than 15 years. The only three people that stood by his side, come hell and high water. And out of those three, you are the one he looks up to, the one he wants to please and sees as his idol. You stood in for him during all those years, don't you abandon him now."

Hannibal didn't acknowledge that he had heard and understood. He just remained where he was, tiredly rubbing his palms over his eyes. Maggie was not done yet.

"You can throw yourself a pity party when this is over, right now the only thing that counts is Face and his health and feelings. I don't know the boy on this bed for nearly as long as you but I know what he thinks. He has insecurity issues and therefore puts all fault on himself. He thinks he did something to make you mad; thinks it's his fault you are not looking him in the eye anymore. Right now he probably thinks you are disgusted by him getting sick and that is why you fled the room as soon as he mentioned it. I hope you realize that this can lead to him refusing to drink or eat anything, when he is up to it that is, just so he would not get sick in your presence again. John, I know you love that boy, stop hurting him already." The last words were just a whisper and Maggie stepped out the door to get some air, leaving Hannibal behind to think it through for himself.

A heavy silence had descended over the bedroom after witnessing Maggie's outburst. Face had his eyes closed but was not sleeping. BA tinkered with some equipment and Murdock was twisting his cap in his hands.

Face lay there as Maggie's words repeated themselves over and over in his mind: 'You going to abandon him just like all the other people in his life.' It sure looked that way, and the sooner he accepted it, the better. And if Hannibal went, Murdock and B.A. were sure to follow.

Just thinking about it made his heart beat faster and his chest feel tight and constricted. His breathing accelerated until he was practically hyperventilating. He sat up pressing his hand to his chest, but still couldn't seem to get the air in. Spots began to dance in front of his eyes and he started to sway to the side.

"What's wrong, man?" B.A. asked, gently grabbing Face by the shoulders to keep him from falling off the side of the bed.

"What's going on, buddy?" Murdock repeated when Face didn't answer.

"Can't…breathe," he gasped.

Murdock began to rub Face's back. "Slow your breathing, Face," he encouraged. "Everything is okay."

"No…no…s'not," Face stuttered. Nothing was okay.

B.A. looked up at Murdock, his eyes asking what they should do next. Murdock responded in kind with a look that said, 'I have no idea'…but they had to try something.

"Face…Face, look at me," Murdock demanded.

Face ignored the pilot; he could barely breathe and that was the only thing he was concerned with at the moment.

Murdock tried again. "Look at me, Face…c'mon…look at me."

Face raised his eyes and looked at Murdock for a second, before looking back down. He didn't want to see any of them…it would just make it harder when they left him behind.

This time B.A. tried. "Faceman, you gotta calm down man. You're okay now…you gonna be fine."

Face shook his head in the negative. His back was heaving, the room was spinning and, if he knew anything, he knew he wasn't going to be fine. "Just…go…go…away," he wheezed, eyes once again closed.

Perhaps that's why he didn't notice that they didn't go, and Hannibal once again made an entrance.

Hannibal took one look at the figure on the bed and ran right back out of the room. He remembered how Maggie had described all possible effects and complications. He cursed himself for upsetting her at just this moment. As soon as he reached the door he started yelling.

"Maggie, Maggie!" he spotted her down the drive by the front gate "he can't breathe." Right now he didn't care who heard him. Maggie came running and together they were back at the room in under a minute, but it seemed like ages to everyone involved.

Face was now gasping for air like someone who was drowning. Murdock had climbed on the bed behind Face and was trying to hold him upright while BA was trying to bring an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth. Face was fighting with all he had, which was not much, but enough so BA could not place the mask.

Maggie took over command immediately. "Murdock, keep holding him upright. John, try to support his head, keep it as straight as possible. BA, hold his arms away. Maggie climbed on the bed in front of Face and placed a bag valve mask over his nose and mouth. He was fighting but with three people holding him and in his weakened state he could not prevent them from manually filling his lungs with air.

"Don't worry Face, calm down. We will help you through this. It will stop. It's just the poison." At this Face went rigid and was able to pull out of their grasp. 'Oh great Dr. Sullivan. How stupid are you. He did not know about any poison so far.' Face was out of it during all the explanations and only knew he had hurt his foot.

After mention of poison, all attempts to get him back under control were futile. Without the risk of him getting hurt in the process they could do nothing. "Let's wait it out guys, he will pass out from lack of oxygen in a minute. Just keep him from falling to the floor."

As Maggie had predicted, it did not take long before Face went limp. She then picked up the pump and continued filling his lungs with air. "I hoped he would go through without this. It's the poison. I thought it was leaving his body but on its way out it decided to take a stop and went to work on a different muscle group. It's like that with this type of venom. The patient seems to get better and then takes a turn for the worse. But as long as he gets medical care he will be fine. It's all only temporary. It's numbing the muscles of his respiratory system right now which is why he can't get enough air inside. We need to intubate him. BA, the equipment is in my car."

"Is that really necessary Maggie? Can't we keep using the manual pump?"

"Sorry John, this can be done for only a short time because we have no means to monitor his oxygen level. It's only for a little while. He came to you about 12 hours after getting stung and has been here for a bit over two days. The infection and the fever have kept his body busy so fighting the poison out of his system will take longer than under normal circumstances but I think it's a safe assumption that we are at the later part of this ordeal. We can probably take it out again in a few hours."

BA set up the equipment and Maggie began with the procedure. She had the rest of the team restricting Face in case he came around and sure enough his eyes flew open before she had the tube inside.

It was an extremely uncomfortable process and was usually done under general anesthesia. Face could feel the tube scraping against his throat and down into his trachea. He tried to get away from the awful sensation, but was being held down. He didn't understand what was going on, but as he looked around all he saw were his supposed friends allowing him to suffer.

"Face, relax or it's going to hurt you. It needs to be." She was done before she had even stopped talking to him and was now fixing everything and adjusting the flow of air. Face's body language said he was terrified.

"Relax kid, we're here. We are all here with you; you are going to be fine." Hannibal's soothing words always had an effect on the lieutenant and they did now too; only in the opposite direction. Instead of calming he got more agitated.

One minute Hannibal was attentive and affectionate and the next he was cold and distant. Face felt like he was riding a wild roller-coaster ride; the ups and downs were distressing and disorienting to say the least.

"It's okay Face. Don't struggle against the machine; let it do the breathing for you. Only a few hours and you will be rid of the tube again. I know it's uncomfortable but it's helping you breathe. You will be just fine." It took a little while until the wild look vanished from Face's eyes and was replaced with a mixture of defeat and confusion. Maggie saw tears forming in his eyes but wasn't sure what they meant.

Face wished everybody would stop telling him that he was going to be fine. In fact, he wasn't sure he had ever really been fine at any point of his life. Orphan…war vet…fugitive…when would it end? His parents rejected him; his one true love rejected him; even his own country rejected him.

He was so tired of pretending that everything was okay. It wasn't…never was…never would be.

Hannibal had stopped talking but remained at Face's side holding his hand in a firm grasp while stroking his sweaty forehead and matted hair with the other hand.

Murdock had gone to a chair in the corner of the room and had tears in his eyes. "Let's go, fool, need you to help me put Maggie's stuff back in her car. I threw everything out to get to the equipment." Of course it was only a trick to lure the pilot out of the room before the stress got too much for him. As BA passed Hannibal he muttered under his breath "was 'bout time you came to your senses."

It wasn't long before Face fell into an exhausted and much needed sleep. Hannibal stayed with him the entire time continuing to hold his hand and rub his arm. He was determined to keep that physical contact for Face as much as for himself.

After a while he broke the silence in the room and almost whispered, "Maggie, did I cause this?"

"The shell did. It's a chemical reaction in the body and a lot of those reactions are triggered by stress. If it was the stress that caused this or if it was simply a coincidence his luck hit at this point in time, we will never know." Whatever was the case, he blamed himself for causing the kid yet more stress.

Hannibal made a decision. He had caused Face enough trouble over the last week. This was going to end now. Maggie was right, what counted now was Face and nothing else. He would offer all the comfort he could and if Face wanted him to vanish from his life he would do so when being asked. They had worked through so much, they surely could do this.

When Face next woke he found that not much had changed. There was Hannibal by his side, a tube down his throat, and pain in his foot. The one thing that had changed, however, was the way Hannibal was looking at him.

"Hey there kid, you had me quite worried for a while." Hannibal spoke in a soft voice hoping not to agitate his friend again.

"Hello Face. Had a good rest? Your body sure had; you slept for more than eight hours. Your temperature went down more and your breathing stabilized some. What do you say; want to get rid of that tube?"

Face managed a little nod and even a ghost of a smile and Hannibal squeezed his arm a little to reassure him he was not alone. While Maggie arranged all the things she needed on the bedside table she spoke to Face.

"Your breathing has stabilized but your muscles are still a little numbed. That means you can't get in as much air as you are used to. I still want the tube out to reduce the risk of complications. To assist you I'll place an oxygen mask over your nose and mouth until you can breathe normal again. If you feel like you are not getting enough air, tell me and I adjust the flow. Your throat will hurt for a while. Now let's get to work. I'll get BA." And with that she was gone.

Face was scared. Not the kind of scared that made your pulse accelerate and sent butterflies to your stomach. No, he was the kind of scared that made his heart feel like it would stop at any moment and his stomach feel as if he were being kicked in the gut…repeatedly.

First of all, he was scared of the tube coming out. It wasn't exactly pleasant going in and he figured coming out wasn't going to feel much better.

Then there was the fear that once the tube was out, he still wouldn't be able to breathe properly on his own. That earlier feeling of being breathless was terrifying and something he never hoped to experience again.

And last, but certainly not least, he was still afraid that the team was going to leave him. Hannibal was probably here because Maggie was mad at him or made him feel guilty. But when that guilt dissipated, would he turn and run again?

Maggie returned with B.A. who smiled yet scowled at the same time….a skill only he possessed. "Hey man," he said, taking the position next to the bed as directed. "You two owe me big time. I just spent the last few hours with Murdock and Chuck."

"Chuck?" Hannibal questioned.

"Chuck," B.A. repeated, shaking his head and rolling his eyes. "The fool was so worried about Face that he made up an imaginary friend." He looked at Face and added, "we was both worried." Seeing the anxiety in his friend's eyes, he tried to lighten the moment. "Scary thing is, even I started talkin' to Chuck after a while. But luckily Maggie came and got me before he started talkin' back."

"I think I'd rather hear Face talking back instead," Maggie interjected. "Face, your throat will probably be raw and inflamed, so don't overdo it. And, remember, I want you to keep that oxygen mask on as much as possible." She put her hands on the tube and instructed, "B.A., watch his legs for me, and Hannibal you watch his arms. Face, on the count of three, I want you to cough as hard as you can, understand?"

Face nodded slightly and braced himself for what was to come. Maggie counted, "one, two, three" and he began to cough.

It hurt. It hurt like hell and everybody in the room knew it. If they had not known it before they had it on display now. Face was pressed down into the bed by his friends while his entire body bucked the other way. Tears were flowing freely from under tightly shut eyelids. Once the tube was out Maggie told them to give him some space but to mind the IV port in his arm. The coughing did not stop and he curled up and rolled from side to side while he fought to get the pain under control.

Finally he fell back exhausted. The little color he had gained while sleeping was gone and he was panting once again. He stilled when Maggie placed the oxygen mask over his face and he could get enough air in. His parlor had changed from ghostly white to a mixture of grey and green by now but he seemed determined to hide his discomfort as much as possible.

"Take some deep breaths for me, that's it." Maggie lifted the mask for a moment and placed an ice chip in his mouth. "Suck on the ice, it will help your throat. There's more if you want." Face nodded and she placed some more in his mouth.

"I want you to rest for a bit and then drink something. The guys got you this really tasty oral rehydration solution and you want off that IV sometime soon, don't you? It's late for today, tomorrow you'll start eating something." That last statement made him turn just a shade greener. She was not sure what caused it; the thought of food or the anticipation towards this terrible tasting solution. Why could nobody come up with a formula to make those things taste better?

"Okay now boys, everybody to bed." Maggie stood there in her no-nonsense posture. BA made to leave but Hannibal didn't move. He had gone back to holding Face's hand and neither of them seemed ready to let go. "Face, you may want to let go off John's hand or it might be difficult for him to go to bed."

Face opened his fingers as if Hannibal's hand was burning hot but Hannibal grabbed the hand again.

"I'm staying."

Maggie turned to the door and smiled her relief at BA.

"I'm going to tuck in the fool…"and when he was out the door they heard him mutter "and Chuck too."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

Face was glad that Hannibal had decided to stay; he hated being alone when he was sick. His mind flashed back to the orphanage where sick children were put in a room by themselves so as not to infect the others. He would do anything not to let the nuns know when he was sick so as to avoid the isolation. That is probably the reason he had so much trouble admitting when he was ill or downplayed injuries to this very day.

Face wanted to fall asleep; he would do anything to make the suffering go away. But with the mask back on his face and the burning sensations in his throat and foot, it didn't seem likely. 'I can honestly say that I hurt from head to toe…literally,' he thought.

He heard Hannibal ask if he was doing okay. Lowering the mask, he started to answer, but no sound would come out. There was no sound, but plenty of pain. Maggie told him that his throat would hurt, but the severity took him by surprise. The mask dropped from his grip and his hands instinctively wrapped around his throat. Hannibal jumped up and reached for some ice chips which he then placed to Face's lips followed directly by the mask.

They repeated to process of ice chips and oxygen a few more times before Face decided to test out his voice again. "Thanks…Han'bal," he managed to grind out before hit with another torturous fit of coughing. He sat up Hannibal rubbed his back and spoke softly until the attack abated. Hannibal replaced the mask and guided Face back against the pillows into a semi-upright position to aid his breathing.

"Stop talking, Face. Enjoy the silence while it lasts, doesn't happen too often that we get you to shut up." Hannibal knew how Face hated to show weakness and tried to lighten the mood. This time though he made sure Face saw him smile and understood that it was just a joke.

Maggie left the room to grab a quick shower followed by supper and coffee. Now that she was sure Hannibal would take care of Face and Face would not reject it she could allow herself a break. She would camp in a chair for another night, not willing to leave her patient's side just yet, in case another complication turned up. When she returned about half an hour later Face was still leaning against the pillows. He was still pale but looked better compared to the grey-green he was sporting before. He also seemed to be coping better with the aided breathing.

"Shall we have a go with the bed time drink, Face?" He was a good con man, but conning people who knew him when he was in such a weakened state was difficult, not that he didn't try. But this time Maggie could see the internal struggle going on in his brain, and she knew exactly what it was about. It wasn't the first time since she knew those men that Face was made to drink the solution and he hated the salty taste with a vengeance. One thing he hated more though was having a needle stuck in his arm. That was also the reason the port was covered in a thick layer of bandages whenever no IV bag was connected; to prevent him from 'accidentally' removing it. He looked as if he was made to choose between pest and cholera. After a little while he gave a small defeated nod and Maggie went to mix the drink.

Hannibal went to the other side of the bed so that he could lift the mask for Maggie to feed Face sips of the drink and replace it immediately. They repeated the pattern until Face had about one third of the cup down and indicated no more with his hands. Maggie sat the cup down on the bedside table and Hannibal properly replaced the mask.

Face had his eyes closed and was trying hard to keep the solution down. Half because he knew he would not get rid of the IV if he could not hold it down and half because Hannibal was present and he did not want to repeat the earlier show. He did not want to show what was going on and tried to keep as still as possible. Eventually though his stomach decided that enough was enough and Face barely had the time to lean to the side he knew a bucket was standing.

Hannibal saw what was happening and reached out to pull the mask away and hold Face on his side. It all happened so fast, that part of the water that came back out hit Hannibal.

Face leaned back exhausted and miserable, he didn't even want to open his eyes and see Hannibal's face. Maggie coaxed him into taking a few more sips to wash out his mouth which provided a diversion for him and he turned his attention to her. He was so exhausted he didn't even feel that Hannibal continued to rub his arm lightly.

"I'm going to wash up, will be back with you in a couple of minutes, kid." With that Hannibal squeezed his shoulder and turned to go. Face didn't want to see him leave again and just closed his eyes.

"Maggie, can I talk to you for a minute?"Both left the room. The door was open but they were out of earshot. Face strained to hear the words but couldn't. He knew it was about him and also that Hannibal didn't want him to listen and he saw the glances Maggie threw his way.

"I didn't want to question your authority in front of him but is the solution really necessary? I thought he gets enough salts through the IV."

"The IV provides the necessary amount but with the way he is still sweating he loses a lot, therefore a little extra is good for him. Besides, the main reason I made him drink it is the fact that the salt helps sooth his throat and if he throws up like he did, the salt prevents the little stomach acid he has to cause more problems in his throat."

Hannibal was running a weary hand through his hair.

"Don't worry, John, he will be fine soon. Go and bathe and get some supper from the kitchen."

When she returned to the room Face was asleep, or so it seemed.

The mask remained off, and she was happy to see he was respirating okay without it. Trying not to disturb him, Maggie hung a new IV bag before settling into her chair to read the new detective novel she had picked up at the library. She became so involved in the book that she failed to notice the little grimaces on her patient's face or the way he was gritting his teeth and clenching his fists.

The pain killing effects of the poison had completely ceased, and it was worse than Face had expected. Worst of all, his foot throbbed as if somebody was repeatedly stabbing him with a knife. He contemplated saying something to Maggie, but he had seen the way she kept looking at him from the hallway. Whatever Hannibal was saying, it was about him and it wasn't good. 'Of course it wasn't good,' he thought, 'you just tossed your cookies all over the man.' He didn't want to add any additional fuel to the fire by complaining.

The irony of the past week wasn't lost on him. The guys hadn't cared about him enough to help him with Leslie in Ecuador, and now as a result of that very trip they were stuck here caring for him. He knew they were only being nice to him to his face; behind his back they were probably talking about what a burden he was.

Determined not to inconvenience the group anymore than he already had, Face decided that no matter how bad the pain got, he would ride it out and keep his mouth shut. But right around the time Maggie was finishing up with chapter six, that decision went right out the window.

'But how was it possible nobody noticed anything? A house with so many tiny apartments and thin walls. Someone must have heard the victim scream or at least moan…..' The scream startled her and she jumped out of her chair dropping the book. It took a moment for her to grasp that the scream had nothing to do with the book she was reading but all with the patient on the bed.

Face's entire body was trembling with the effort to hold in the pain, his eyes were screwed tight, his fists clenched in the bed sheets. His face was wet with tears and he was sweating profusely. He had concentrated on breathing without alerting Maggie to the slight difficulties he still had and on keeping the moans of pain in. With each wave of pain that went through his body the task had become more difficult. When another strong wave had hit him he had lost his battle and a scream of pain ripped free.

"My god, Face, why didn't you say anything?" She checked his vitals and was less than pleased; he had obviously been in pain for quite a while now. Also she noticed for the first time that she had spend over two hours reading and Hannibal had yet to return. Not knowing how much of the poison was left in his system she did not want to give him a painkiller. The other option was to sedate him, which was not much more appalling either. But at least the sedative had different chemical components than pain killers and therefore did not add to the effects of the poison. She could also not leave him to suffer as it was.

"Face, I'm going to sedate you. Please try to hold still for me to get to your IV port and insert the sedative. Face did not even try to pull his arm away; he rather seemed to cooperate as much as he could, not a good sign as far as Maggie was concerned. For as long as she knew him Face had always fought against being sedated or getting pain killers. The guys had also told her some stories about earlier times. This did not seem like Face at all.

She pulled the light blanket up to his shoulders and waited until the trembling had stopped and Face was fast asleep. Then she stormed out of the room, the book forgotten where it had fallen and the supplies she had used still on the side table. It did not take two hours to shower, change and grab some food. She was determined to have a little heart to heart with a certain Colonel Smith.

Maggie found him asleep at the kitchen table, a half eaten sandwich fallen out of his hand and the coffee long cold. Her not to quiet entrance woke him with a start.

"Maggie, what….where….I must have fallen asleep. How is Face, who is with him?"

"I had to sedate him. Apparently your stubborn Lieutenant thought it was better to hide his pain than to say something. I only found out when he could not hold his scream of pain inside any longer."

Hannibal didn't know what to say, Face never screamed if he could help it. He didn't also have much time to think of words since Maggie went right on.

"What was way scarier was that he was cooperative when I sedated him."

"Oh shit…."

"Exactly. Might have something to do with the fact that his commanding officer ran out on him after he threw up, for the second time in a day and after he had promised to stay with him I may add. "

"What? Maggie, I didn't run out on him, I only went to wash…."

She didn't give him a chance to finish."Not coming back in over two hours damn well looks like."

"Over two hours? Oh no…."

"Oh yes, you gave him the feeling he is losing his family if he becomes a burden, so much that he tried everything to hide his pain. No wonder he is so good at hiding his feelings, he gets enough practice."

Deep down Maggie knew it wasn't Hannibal's fault that he had fallen asleep. He had not slept since Face had appeared at his door, and not much before either. But as far as Maggie was concerned he was second in line when it came to hurting Face, right after that stupid shell. And she needed to vent her anger.

Maggie's words stung. He never meant to hurt the kid but seemed to do so often enough; especially lately. And the problem was they never talked. They joked the problems away or went right on as if nothing had happened; Face always dismissed any attempts at apologizing. They all knew that each of them was wanted with all their little faults, that all were equal. They would complain and grumble and threaten, but it didn't mean anything. They were a family and would work through everything and care for each other. None of them was a burden, no matter what happened. But he sometimes forgot that Face was different, more insecure. He needed reassurance and had not got much of it during the last days.

"I'll go back and sit with him. He will sleep through the night, or what is left of it. You can get some proper sleep as well now."

"I can sleep on the floor; he's using my bed anyway. I want to be there when he wakes up."

Maggie poured herself some more coffee and together they returned to the room, cleaned up and settled in for the night; Maggie with her book and Hannibal with a sleeping bag on the floor.

The streaming sunlight slowly brought Face back to his senses. The pain was still there, and due to the sedative, was now joined by an upset stomach and nausea.

His throat ached and his mouth was bone dry. He reached for a glass of water, but his hand was shaking so bad that he knocked it off the nightstand and it fell to the floor and shattered. The motion made his head swim and bile rise to his throat. He fell back against the pillows and tried to stifle a moan, but was unsuccessful.

The sound of breaking glass woke Hannibal and Maggie with a start. They both jumped up and were at Face's side in an instant. He attempted a smile, determined to do a better job at hiding his discomfort. He was angry at himself for not being able to handle it the night before. Hannibal hadn't come back as he had promised, probably because he was tired of seeing what a wimp his second in command had become.

And now the colonel was staring at him intently. 'Man up, Peck,' Face thought. 'Don't let him see how bad you're hurting or he'll leave you again.'

Maggie had a blood pressure cuff wrapped around his upper arm and began to squeeze. She released the pressure slowly and took the reading, frowning at the results. It was way too high, a sure indication that he was suffering. "How are you feeling?" she asked, placing a hand on his forehead. It was warm…too warm for her liking.

"Not too bad," he lied, hoping they would buy it. He was a con man after all. But it was hard to work his charms when he could barely work his voice.

Maggie gave him a wary look and reached for a thermometer. "Well, you feel a bit hot…open up your mouth for me."

Face did as was told. As he held the instrument under his tongue, he glanced over at Hannibal trying to get a read on what he was thinking. Once again, the colonel was by his side, but wasn't saying a word. The silence was unnerving, but spoke volumes to Face.

"102," Maggie reported. "Not as high as before, but it has gone up from yesterday. If the poison was out of your system and if we got all the infection it should be closer to normal by now." Hannibal shot her a worried glance before she continued. "How is your foot? Any pain?"

"A little," he croaked, downplaying the truth; he hated lying to Maggie.

Maggie pulled the sheet down to expose his lower half. Taking his foot in her hands, she noticed the slight intake of breath as she did so. The puncture wound again looked red and swollen. 'Damn,' she thought. 'Will this ever stop?' He had endured enough, and it was beginning to look like his recovery would take a bit longer than planned. "I'm going to examine your foot a little closer. Just tell me when it hurts."

Face steeled himself knowing what was about to happen. She pressed on the skin around the wound and immediately reached for a towel to wipe at the yellowish-white fluid that came out. Face tried to pull away, but Hannibal jumped in and held the leg steady.

He turned a ghostly shade of white as he fought to stay conscious. 'Breathe…just breathe,' he repeated his internal mantra.

After a little more manipulation of the injury, Maggie stopped and gently placed the foot back down. "I don't want to sugar coat it. The infection is deeper than I originally thought."

At this point Face's stomach was revolting fiercely; drugs always had that effect on him. He knew he was going be sick again, but this time he wasn't going to do so on Hannibal. He sat up and reached for the bucket, which only made things worse. He couldn't stop heaving; it seemed to last an eternity.

He heard Hannibal ask Maggie what was going on. "It's probably a reaction to the sedative. He just needs to get it out of his system. Damn! I was hoping I could sedate him again for the pain, but it looks like I can't introduce anything new to his system at this point. I don't know what his body can and can't take, and we can't have him vomiting like this anymore."

Face's body finally calmed down and he fell over to the side too weak to hold his body up anymore. Hannibal caught him and held him for a moment in his arms before helping him lay back down. He passed out before reaching the pillows.

"What do we do now, Maggie?" Hannibal asked.

"Get B.A. and Murdock ready. I'm going to have to go in again."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

Hannibal's shoulders slumped slightly as he turned and left the room to get the others.

He was first to return announcing that BA and Murdock would be there in a minute.

"I want Murdock to hold his arms and talk to him. He doesn't need to see this. BA will hold him down and you have to hold his foot steady for me."

As expected, Face's eyes flew open the moment Maggie started cutting.

"Nooo, no stop, please stop."

"Easy there, muchacho, it's just Maggie. She is going to help you feel better."

"Maggie? Oh no….they captured her too…"

"Shh, you are safe, we are all safe."

'Safe? Real bed. Oh yeah… stupid me…not the camps…Hannibal's house.' Murdock was in his line of vision and he could feel BA holding him down and Maggie working on his foot; no trace of Hannibal though.

This time the suffering didn't last for long. Face was so weak from the ordeal of the last few days that it took only about a minute before he passed out. Maggie had them holding him down anyway, just in case, and had Murdock monitor his breathing.

Maggie cut open the wound and a large amount of puss greeted her. After wiping it away as good as she could she inserted one gloved finger into the wound and was able to push inside for about two inches. The infection had spread towards the front of his foot and a bag had developed. She cut another opening at the other end of the bag and washed any puss out of the wound. After she was satisfied to have cleaned it thoroughly she reached for a sterile glove, cut off one finger and inserted it in the wound to keep it open. Then she wrapped the foot lightly and let out a sigh.

"You can let go of him now."

"What did you do?" Hannibal asked.

Maggie answered while writing something down. "The infection had spread and created a bag full of puss. Why I don't know, the wound was free of debris and washed out with peroxide. His body was probably too weak to fight the remaining germs and my guess is that he has developed a resistance to the antibiotics I used. I inserted a finger of a glove into the wound to keep it open. We have to wash it out and replace a finger inside every day until all signs of infection are gone and we can allow the wound to heal close. At the rate he is going I would guess we need about a week. BA, can you get this prescription from the pharmacy? It's a different kind of antibiotics."

"You got it." BA was off in record speed.

"The pain in his foot should lessen considerably by the time he wakes up. Once the pressure is gone he will feel better. It's a very sensitive area though. If only he had said something about the pain, this would not have spread so far."

"We'll stay with him. Go and get some rest, we'll get you when he wakes up."

"I want to wait for BA to return and hang up the first bag of antibiotics."

"I can do that, get some rest."

It was afternoon before Face woke up again. The first thing he noticed was that his foot felt better. It still throbbed along dreadfully with his heartbeat, but at least the searing pain was gone. The next thing he became aware of was Hannibal sitting in a chair across the room watching him.

"Hey," Face said weakly.

"How are you feeling?" Hannibal questioned.

"Tired of everybody asking me that," Face responded, not meeting Hannibal's eyes. 'He is sitting as far away from me as possible,' he thought.

"You didn't answer the question, Lieutenant."

'And now he is calling me by rank.' Face began to shift uncomfortably under the sheets, thinking of how to respond, but stopped abruptly as he jostled his foot.

Hannibal saw Face's complexion pale and his entire body stiffen. He was out of his chair and at the ailing man's side in seconds. "I guess that answers my question," he said, taking hold of Face's hand while he rode out the wave of pain.

"Damn, that hurts," Face muttered, then immediately regretted the statement. Hannibal didn't need a cry baby on his team.

"It's about time you admitted it, kid," Hannibal smiled. He paused a moment than knitted his brow. "But Maggie said it should be feeling better."

Face nodded his head. "Oh, it does. Yesterday it hurt worse," he made sure to add, and it was true.

There was something about the way the older man was looking at him that made Face actually believe Hannibal meant what he just said about admitting how he was feeling. Either that, or Face was too exhausted to put on an act anymore. "It hurts pretty bad," Face confessed, running a shaky IV-free hand over his eyes.

His eyelids start to grow heavy; he felt completely drained mentally and physically. "I really don't feel so good," he whined, fatigue removing his inhibitions.

"I know you don't, kid," Hannibal soothed, patting his leg sympathetically. He could see that Face was about to go out again. "I'm really sorry…for everything," he apologized. He wasn't sure if Face heard him or not, but he felt better for saying it.

Maggie had not noticed just how tired she was. She had slept through the whole day. When she came back to her patient's room she found the entire team there. Face was propped up to a semi upright position, held up only be the pillows behind him. He was pale and sweaty and obviously not well. But always the con man he was wearing a bright smile and was listening to a happily chatting Murdock who was sitting cross legged at the foot of the bed. BA was sitting in a chair by the window, reading a mechanics magazine and Hannibal was sitting in the chair Maggie had vacated earlier on, reading her book.

"Okay, everybody out." Maggie was obviously pissed.

"I don't think I'm up to it," croaked Face throwing his best smile at her. She just glowered at him, saying nothing and he ducked his head.

"I'll…"

"You too John. I want to speak to Face, alone."

"I'm his commanding …."

"And I'm his doctor and as long as he is under my care I outrank you. Out. Now."

Knowing when they have lost they left the room. Each giving Face a reassuring pat or squeeze on their way out.

Maggie's posture and voice said she was not in the mood for nonsense so Face didn't even try to talk his way out of whatever lecture he had coming.

As soon as the door closed she got started. "All right young man, this ends now. I thought you had learned your lesson about putting up an act for your friends and lying to your doctor. You're weak, you're exhausted, you're still in quite some pain and here you are, half upright and happily chatting with Murdock."

"He was…"

"I know he was the one talking but only because your throat still hurts. You should know better by now and so should your supposed friends too. You need rest."

"But Murdock…it's been hard…"

"So Murdock relived some war memories and you think it will make him feel better if he finds out you are hurting yourself because of him? Murdock is not an idiot. He knows you're in pain and he can damn well cope with it. He knows this is you and we are not in a war right now. Even though it stirs bad memories he would never want you to suffer because of him. He is your best friend and you can tell him when you are hurting."

"And now let's get you to lay down. You need to rest. I'll go and get you some light soup…as soon as I'm through with the rest of this glorious team."

"No please, you don't need to talk to them. They are mad enough as it is. I caused enough trouble."

"Is that what you really think? I'm not sure whether Murdock is the right person to live in the VA. Get your rest, I'll get you some soup." With that she left the room, shaking her head.

She found the other three culprits in the living room. "What is wrong with you guys? He is hurting, he needs rest, he does not need to be entertained."

"Sorry, we just thought that with all we did to him earlier on and now that he is doing a little better… and you know how he hates to be bedridden and to be alone, you know….it's just….we thought we could allow him a little slack and let him have some normality…as far as possible with his family around him." Saying it out loud it sounded more stupid than when they did it.

"A nice family you are. Normality? You think he wants this? Let me tell you something, he is putting up this act for you, thinking you want it. Thinking he is causing you trouble. He is weak and still in pain and needs rest. Some family you are."

"But he told me he was hurting earlier on. Why should he go back to denying it."

"Why? Are you really asking this? Because, he is Face and you should know him by now."

"Now go and sit with him, one at a time, and make sure he rests."

She left the three men to themselves and went to the kitchen.

"Oh man, we seem to screw up often lately. I knew he was hurting but I thought I was doing him good ignoring the fact that he was not able to hide it well. After all it's not like we could have offered pain killers and we know how he hates it to be weak." Murdock was turning his cap in his hands.

"Yeah, here we was thinking we do something nice for him an instead he tried to be nice to us. Just when did everything get so difficult?" BA got up shaking his head. "He's one complicated dude, even after all this years."

Hannibal ran a weary hand over his eyes. "What worries me the most is that he thinks he is a burden to us and trusts Maggie to tell her, but we don't notice and he won't open up to any of us. He never tells when he is hurting and is insecure up to today, but we are usually aware when something is truly off. This team used to be so in sync that something like this could never have happened. Just when did we fall apart?"

"Somewhere between the time he received the letter and we went to Ecuador. At least that's where it started. We didn't quite do our best to get things back in line over there either." Murdock's words were very true and Hannibal mentally added, 'and back here it also took a while before I even started to try and right things'.

"I'll take first watch…I mean sit with him first."

"Okay, Murdock, let's get some rest. I'll relieve you in four hours. Murdock you are up next." Hannibal wanted to sit with Face but knew that the others also needed to be close to him so he didn't object to BA's wish.

Face's emotions were all over the place. As sick as he felt, it was so good to have the whole group together again…and smiling. For the first time in days, it felt right. The team felt right.

But, at the same time it was a relief not to have to put on a brave face anymore. It took all of his remaining strength to keep up with Murdock's antics and not to let his discomfort show. He hadn't realized just how worn out he was, as he closed his eyes and drifted off.

He heard gunfire and the sound of tires screeching. Lying on his back, he rolled over onto his stomach and looked up just in time to see the van peeling away without him. He stumbled to his feet and started to run down the dirt road after them. "Wait, wait," he yelled. "Don't leave without me." The back door flew open and his three teammates looked back at him with disgust. "Please…stop!" The doors slammed shut and they continued speeding away. He kept running and running…and running…

B.A. was at the bottom of the staircase heading toward Face's room for his shift when he heard the screams. Taking the stairs two at a time he sprinted to the top and was almost bowled over by Face who was rushing toward him. B.A. grabbed onto the railing with one arm and prevented Face from falling down the stairs with the other.

Once he gained his balance, B.A. let go of the railing and pulled Face into his chest and dragged him away from the staircase. Face's eyes were closed and he was mumbling incoherently. "Wake up, man," he pleaded as he lightly tapped his cheeks. "Maggie! Hannibal! I need some help up here!" he shouted. Again lowering his voice he said, "C'mon Faceman…you dreamin'…you're safe…I got ya." Face opened his eyes for a brief moment, then sighed and drooped back against B.A.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8:

Hannibal was the first to reach the duo on the floor, followed closely by Maggie and Murdock. "What happened?" he asked kneeling down beside them.

"Dunno, Hannibal. He's was havin' some sort of dream. Came runnin' down the hall."

"But how did he manage to run on that foot?" Murdock asked.

"We've seen him do stranger things while in the middle of a nightmare," Hannibal replied. Not wanting to let his mind go there, he looked at Maggie who was hovering over Face. "Is he okay?"

"I think so. As I told you, he is not a well man yet. Let's get him back to bed so I can make sure he didn't dislodge the glove from his wound."

B.A. scooped Face up off the floor and carried him like a baby. He was surprised at how light his friend felt in his arms. He felt Face begin to stir in his arms.

"You can put me down…I'm okay," he protested faintly.

"I know you can, lil' brother, but I need the exercise."

"Okay," Face said and was silent until they got him settled back in bed. This time when he looked around, they were all there. He was embarrassed and couldn't meet any of their eyes; once again he was causing trouble. His voice shook with emotion and pain. "I'm sorry…I can't seem to control anything anymore."

"You got nothing to be sorry for kid. I just hope you haven't reinjured your foot. Maggie?"

"The glove is still in place and since the wound is kept open there is no damage done, but I guess it hurt's like hell now, doesn't it, Face?"

Face looked down not able to meet anyone's eyes. If Maggie had already figured it out there was no sense in hiding his pain. They knew all about it; knew how weak he was and how he had just caused another setback, thus locking the team down in one place for even longer. If they decided to stay with him that is. Finally he gave a small nod and in a quiet voice admitted, "yeah, it does."

"Atta boy Face", Hannibal clapped him on the shoulder, "wasn't that hard to say it…or was it?"

He sounded really genuine and Face risked looking up at him but just in that moment Hannibal turned his gaze to Murdock. "Come on captain; let's leave those guys alone before Maggie sacks us." He placed a hand on Face's shoulder before he continued but Face did not look up again. "Good night kid, I'll be with you in a few hours."

'So team time is over, and it had felt so good to have them all around.' Face's stomach was rolling from his stunt and the renewed pain.

"Maggie, about this soup…can we postpone it please? I don't think I could hold anything down right now. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing already, no one expects you to eat after that stunt you pulled. Just get well." Face always had trouble placing BA's growls. It sounded as if he wanted to threaten him but also as if he was concerned.

"BA's right. I'll hang up another IV for supper, but tomorrow you start eating, young man. I'll hang up that bag now and when it's done put the bag of antibiotics on. Then I'll not disturb you again for the night. I want you to get a good rest; we have to wash out your wound tomorrow morning."

Face dozed off and barely noticed Maggie getting to work on the IV. It was always amazing how BA could be so quiet you wouldn't know he is there, Face opened his eyes from time to time to make sure they had not gone already. When he finally fell asleep he didn't wake up again until towards the end of Murdock's shift.

"Hey there buddy, was getting boring sitting her watching you sleep. Glad you are up. How's the pain?"

"Hi Murdock. Better than last night. Still hurts though." There. It wasn't too terrible to be a bit open with only Murdock around. He was his best buddy. He would not report anything to Hannibal that could get him thrown off the team.

"Sorry, muchacho, that stunt from last night probably didn't help. If BA had not caught you Maggie would have had some bones to rearrange. Wanna tell ol' Murdock what got you running."

"Not really."

"Come on buddy, you know how I love stories and I had to sit here all by myself for hours and even Chuck would not talk to me. You owe me."

"Just a stupid dream, nothing, really."

"Come on, tell me, pleeaaasseee."

"Really just a stupid dream. There was gunfire and the three of you jumped in the van, I yelled for you to wait and the backdoors opened. You three looked out and then slammed the door shut and continued to speed away. That was all. Quite stupid."

Murdock got into a thinking pose. "That was very stupid indeed." Was Murdock going to tell him they would never do such a thing, would never leave him behind? Face's heartbeat sped up."How could the three of us have looked out the backdoor at the same time. Someone must have been driving. Unless Chuck did, but the big ugly mud sucker would never let him drive his precious van."

Just as Murdock finished his musings BA came inside. "Stop keeping the Faceman from resting with your crazy jibber jabber. Get outta here, my turn. Go and make breakfast if you want something."

Face couldn't help but be a bit disappointed that it was B.A. that came through the door and not Hannibal. He wasn't aware that Hannibal spent half the night talking to him. 'I disappointed him again and now he's avoiding me.'

B.A. saw the sad look in his friend's eyes. "What's wrong man?"

Face was unaware he had let his unhappiness show. "Um…nothing."

"Somethin's botherin' you…now out with it!" he commanded.

Face didn't want B.A. to think he wanted Hannibal there instead of him, but he decided it was time to stop hiding the truth. "It's just that…I…um…haven't seen Hannibal…um…in a while."

B.A. chuckled. "You was really out of it last night man. After your nightmare, Hannibal sat with you most of the night. Maggie finally had to kick his butt out of here 'fore he fell over."

"Really?" Face asked, a warm feeling filling his heart.

"Yup." B.A. simply said.

"I'm sorry about last night, B.A. I could have really hurt you."

"Thought I done told you to stop apoligizin'. It ain't your fault. None of this crazy mess is your fault. We don't blame you…so you shouldn't blame you."

Face didn't know what to say. B.A. wouldn't lie to him. Of any of the team members, he was the straightest shooter. Before he had a chance to say anything else, however, Maggie came into the room.

"How's my favorite patient this morning?" she smiled.

"Better," Face said, returning the grin.

"Better, how?" she asked.

Face paused, taking inventory of how he really was feeling. "I don't feel as foggy. The dizziness and nausea aren't as bad either. The room is still tilting some, but at least it stopped spinning."

"Good…that's real good. I'm going to take your vitals before looking at your foot." Seeing the look of fear pass his eyes, she added, "and how is your foot?"

"Better, but I thought it would hurt a lot less by now."

"Sometimes it takes a while," she explained. 'But it shouldn't be taking this long,' she thought.

A few minutes later B.A. was happy to hear that Face's temperature was only slightly elevated, his heart rate was steady and his blood pressure was good. He wanted to distract Face as Maggie began to study his foot, but he himself became distracted by the perplexed look on her face.

Maggie had planned on cleaning the wound and rewrapping it. What she hadn't planned on was seeing that it looked as bad as the night before, if not worse. "I just don't get it," she sighed frustrated. "The antibiotics should have been doing their job of clearing up your infection… but your foot looks rather worse than better."

"What do you mean?" B.A. asked.

"It seems as if your foot is resistant to every antibiotic I introduce. I just don't get it."

"I might just be imagining this," Face started, than stopped unsure of how to explain what he was feeling.

"Go on," Maggie encouraged.

"It almost feels like there is something jabbing me in the foot. And when you were pressing on my heel before, I really felt it. I just assumed it was a result of all the digging you did in there."

Maggie turned to B.A. "I have a doctor friend the next town over with a portable x-ray machine. He owes me a favor, and I'm about to collect."

Less than an hour later, B.A. walked back into the room with the machine. Maggie wasted no time in taking the pictures of Face's injury. Holding them up to the light of the window, she groaned.

'Oh, wonderful,' Face thought. 'This can't be good.'

"What you see on that x-ray?" B.A. questioned, standing next to her but not quite sure what he was looking at.

"You see this here?" She pointed to a thin line that resembled a pin.

B.A. nodded. "Yeah."

"It looks as if a piece of that shell imbedded itself way deep up there close to the bone." Maggie walked over to Face and sat on the bed next to him. "So, do you want the good news or the bad news?"

"You mean there finally is some good news?" he joked, even though the ministrations to his foot over the last hour had increased the ache considerably.

"The good news is that I finally can see what the real problem is and I should be able to fix it in a relatively short period of time."

"And the bad?" B.A. grunted.

She looked at Face's foot and exhaled noisily. No words were needed.

"Go get John."

Hannibal practically flew into the room a few moments later and was at Face's side in an instant. The anticipation of what was to happen had made him pale and he looked miserable.

"Hey kid."

"BA, you can join Murdock for breakfast. From how it smells he is cooking about everything that is in the kitchen, thrown together in one pot. I'll sedate Face for this so I need only one of you around to assist." There was no question as to who that person would be.

"Maggie, please, can't you just numb my foot."

Maggie smiled at him. "I know how you hate to be put under but sorry, no. The drugs I would need to numb only your foot would wreck more havoc with your system than to put you under completely." It won't go down without side effects, but at least it's more controllable, she added mentally.

"Let's get this over with. John, I want you to stay by his head, watch his breathing. Face, I'm going to sedate you now." She inserted the drug into the IV port.

Hannibal could feel Face trembling. "Just relax kid; you will wake up as good as new. I'm here with you, I'm not going anywhere, promised." The drug took effect and Face's eyes drifted shut. He tried to fight it for a moment but soon lost the battle and was out.

"But how is it possible for a piece of shell to embed itself so deep without even leaving a cut?"

"You want an honest answer, John? I have no idea. We may find out soon. "

Maggie took a while to remove the object being extra careful of the bone and the skin around. Thankfully the infection had not spread too far around it and had not created a second bag of puss. When she finished she washed the wound with disinfectant, inserted another rubber finger in the initial wound and wrapped the foot loosely in gauze.

"At least it saved him the pain from going through today's disinfection."

"He'll still be weak, dizzy and nauseous when he wakes up."

"It's a setback but it won't last long. I could not have done this without a sedative. And now that the thing is out he can finally heal. On a second thought, we could have let BA knock him out. "

Hannibal chuckled, "The side effects of that treatment are not much different apart from an additional headache."

"It's a good thing BA does not react that way on sedatives. Can you hand me that bottle over there? I want to see what exactly this is."

"Yeah, BA reacts with angriness. Here you go."

"That's not the fault of the sedative. Look at this, how is this possible?" Maggie looked astonished.

"What is it?"

"Another tooth. But how?"

"Two shells?"

"No, then we would have two wounds. I read about those shells when I went to the library the other day. Not a single of them mentioned that they shoot several teeth. They have one ready and the next one on their inside. As soon as the first one is fired the next one gets ready."

"Then this one must have had some malfunction. Instead of getting the second ready it shot it straight into Face."

"John, we are talking about a shell, not an automatic rifle. I don't think that's possible."

"Think of it, we are copying nature all the time. Some days back would you have believed that shells shoot harpoons? And I bet you, with the kids luck, if there is one single shell on this earth that can shoot two teeth he'll be its victim."

Hannibal went back over to the bed to see for himself that Face was sleeping peacefully before settling down in a nearby chair to wait for him to wake up. He didn't have to wait for long before Face started to shift and moan. Finally he opened his eyes and the first thing he saw was Hannibal leaning over him. Face's eyes lit up a little.

"Told you I would be here when you wake up. How do you feel?"

"Fi…" Hannibal's stern look made him reconsider. "Dizzy."

"How's the pain"

"Hurts pretty bad."

"Hi there, that's to be expected so short after the operation but it should get better now." Maggie had come over to the bed after giving them a moment of privacy and was now checking his vitals. "Just try to relax and rest. I'll go tell the others that you're up."

Hannibal could tell Face was fighting the nausea.

"Can you help me sit up a bit?"

"I don't think that's such a bright idea right now, will make things worse rather than better. But we can put some pillows behind your back to raise you a little. Come here, let me do it."

Face was turning greener by the minute and Hannibal could tell the fight would not last long. Since he knew Face's reaction to the drug he had gotten a bucket ready while Face was still asleep.

BA appeared at the door. "Hey Faceman, how you're doing?"

"I'm ….ah…um…not so good." Wasn't easy to break old habits.

"We're here for you, man."

The door opened again and in came Murdock wearing a chief's apron and a self-made chef's hut that was today's newspaper before it got transformed. He was closely followed by a waft of smell that suggested something between pancakes and sausage and carrying a plate of whatever-it-may-be covered with what appeared to be icing in all kind of colors. "Hey Face, brought you breakfast."

Face turned to his side where Hannibal had already reached for the bucket and lost his battle.

"But he didn't even try it."

"Get that outta here, fool. Can't you see the Faceman ain't up to eatin'?" B.A. barked.

"I just thought he could use a hearty meal to build up his strength. Besides, Face loves my Murdockan Special! I even added peanut butter, bacon bits and gummy bears!"

Face heaved again at the mere thought. "Murdock!" the others yelled in unison.

"Okay, okay," he said, slinking backwards out of the room. "I can take a hint."

Face was miserable. The pain was so bad that he was finding it difficult to get his breathing under control. And his difficulty breathing was only adding to his nausea. "C-c-can you give me anything?" he breathlessly asked Maggie.

Hannibal and B.A. froze; Face never asked for pain medication.

Maggie shook her head sadly. "I'd really rather not risk it." But then she took a closer look at Face's trembling body, sweat soaked torso, and tear-filled eyes and reconsidered. "But you certainly won't be able to get any rest the way you are now, and rest is what your body needs most to heal."

Murdock returned to the room, to find Hannibal on one side of Face and B.A. on the other. They were each holding onto one of his hands and trying to keep him calm as he waited for Maggie to return with some relief. "You doing okay, buddy?" he asked, even though it was obvious that he wasn't.

Face didn't respond; he just lay there quivering and grasping his friends' hands for dear life.

"Hang in there, kid," Hannibal encouraged. "Maggie will be back in a minute and you'll be feeling better in no time."

Maggie entered as if on cue and spread out her supplies on the bed next to Face. She picked up a syringe , inserted the needle into a small bottle, and began to draw up a clear fluid. "I'm going to inject you with some lidocaine. This should help numb your foot and, fingers crossed, not cause further damage. Okay?"

Face saw the needle and cringed. But at this point, he would try anything. He nodded his head and whispered, "do it."

The small group felt like they had been is this very position too many times over the course of the week: B.A. holding Face's legs, Hannibal stayed by his head, and Murdock assisting Maggie. Maggie wiped his foot with an antiseptic wipe trying to filter out the lieutenant's whimper at such a small action. She tapped the syringe to remove any air bubbles, and explained what she was doing as she went along. "First I'm going to inject the areas immediately surrounding the wound. This may burn a bit as it goes in."

Face grunted as the needle pierced his skin and entered into the tender flesh. His foot was on fire as he waited for the effects of the drug to kick in.

Maggie removed the needle from Face's foot and reached for the vial to refill. "Let's wait a minute before going on…let the medicine start to work."

A couple of minutes later, she asked, "Feeling numb at all?"

"Yeah," Face replied, but his voice betrayed him. While the majority of his foot was quite numb, the area where Maggie had performed the surgery wasn't.

"A few of more shots and it'll be all over." She looked at Hannibal and B.A. directing them with her eyes to brace themselves for what was to come. Wiping the area with another wipe, she grasped his foot tightly and placed the needle directly inside the wound and inserted the liquid slowly inside."

"Oh God," Face moaned, his eyes rolling back in his head.

Hannibal began to panic. "Maggie?"

"It's just a reaction to the pain. He'll be okay."

It was only a matter of minutes before Face's eyes fluttered back open. A small smile came to his lips. He looked at Maggie and sighed, "thank you."

"Feeling better, Facey?" Murdock questioned.

"I can't feel much of anything," he sighed blissfully.

"I'm glad to hear it. But, Face, remember that this is a one time deal. I can't give you anything else…now it is up to your body to heal." She turned to the other men. "I would tell you to leave so our lieutenant can get some sleep, but I know you wouldn't listen. Just try not to hover over him too much."

At the mention of the team leaving, Face, who was a bit out of his mind from pain and drugs, grabbed for Hannibal's and BA's hand.

"We promise to be as quiet as we can. Don't worry, kid. No one's leaving…go to sleep."

Face's eyes were already drifting shut, his body demanding sleep now that the pain was numbed. But his grip remained strong on both men's hands.

Hannibal whispered, "Maggie, why is he still in so much pain. He went through far worse injuries and never demanded for pain killers. He will do anything to avoid them."

"His whole system is out of whack, John. The pain has gone on for long now. The poison and various drugs have wreaked havoc with his body. The mental pain also did its part on him. He is hyper sensitive right now. I only agreed to give the pain killer because I hope that it will help his mind settle so he will be able to deal with the pain on his own. He is not himself at the moment."

"But earlier you said it would be too risky to just numb his foot. What kind of complications does it bring on?"

"Oh, what I gave him is numbing the area alright, but believe me, if I had performed that operation with the dose of lidocaine I gave him, he would have jumped right through the ceiling. I just hope that for once he is lucky and won't suffer any side effects. I'll go get some coffee, yell if you need me."

Murdock pointed at Face holding hands with BA and Hannibal. "Isn't he sweet? Holding hands for comfort and BA is all cuddly." He sobered and added, "poor guy is still suffering from last night's dream."

"What you talkin' 'bout, fool"

"The dream he had before he tackled you on the stairs."

"Captain, what did he tell you about that dream?"

"Oh just the silly part, we drove away from him in the van and when he yelled for us to wait we all looked out of the rear door and kept on driving."

"Crazy fool."

"Hey, I didn't dream that."

"Wasn't talkin' about you! You ain't the only crazy fool on this team."

Hannibal sighed, "I don't suppose you reassured him that something like this would never happen?"

"Wasn't necessary, he himself said it was stupid and besides he knows I'm his best friend and would never leave him, and neither would you."

'Way to go to get this team in sync again. At least he opened up to Murdock again and this dream explains why he's holding on to us for dear life. Got to talk to that kid.'

Maggie returned with an odd colored coffee. "Murdock, do I want to know why the cream is green?"

"Because, cream and green go together so well," Murdock explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Okay, I don't want to know what you used."

"Wait till I get done with the flour."

"What about it?"

"I soaked it in the sink to wash it. It needs to be flour less, ehm flawless I mean."

"You crazy fool better not have put anything in ma milk."

"Guys, keep it down, Face needs the rest."

Face slept peacefully for about 2 hours before he woke with a start, clutching at his leg and moaning in pain. Maggie was at his side in an instant but couldn't do much. He had a cramp, a side effect of the lidocaine. They had to wait until it passed.

When it was over Face sunk back into the pillows. He was weak but the pain was bearable now. And his whole team was with him which made him feel so much better and gave him hope that after all they might not leave him. Maybe they saw more in him than just their supply officer. After some time though, Hannibal ordered everybody out of the room and Face didn't know what was happening. Did he do something wrong? Was Hannibal finally telling him that there was no space on the team for him anymore? Face felt fear grip him.

When everyone was outside, Hannibal turned towards Face and sat on the side of the bed. Face noticed that he was still holding his hand and let go but Hannibal kept his grip.

"Kid, look at me. Murdock told me about this dream you had last night."

Face blanched; just how much had Murdock said?

"You do know that we would never leave you behind." It was as much a question as it was a statement.

Face wanted to answer Hannibal and to tell him "yes", but he couldn't do it. Maybe a week ago he would have been able to say it, but now he just didn't know.

He had never trusted anybody with his whole heart and the team had been the ones to get closest to it. But when he asked them for help with Leslie, they hurt him and made him feel as if they didn't care. So, while he wanted to believe it, he didn't want to risk the rejection of trusting that they would always stick around.

"Don't you?" Hannibal asked.

Face felt uncomfortable and bit at his lower lip. "I...um...I," he stuttered.

"Damnit, Face!" Hannibal exploded, pulling away his hand instinctively. The emotions of the past few days were finally coming to a head.

Face visibly jumped and then paled even more. "I'm s...s...sorry." He looked down into his now empty palm. Surprisingly, instead of sadness, he suddenly felt anger. Now that he was able to think with more clarity, he was starting to remember what got them to this point in the first place. Not to mention that the pain killer was starting to wear off, and he wasn't in the mood to deal with his emotions.

Softening his tone, the older man said, "how can we prove to you how much we care?"

Face didn't know where it came from and where he got the nerve. "I seem to recall that you all had your chance in Ecuador, Colonel."

Hannibal recoiled as if he had been punched in the gut. He stood there for a moment in stunned silence letting Face's words and the tone in which they were uttered wash over him.

Murdock and B.A. had been eavesdropping in the hallway. "Damn," they both said simultaneously.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

Hannibal turned his back to Face and went to stand by the window. He fished a cigar from his pocket and rolled it in his hand. He wanted to light it but Maggie would have his hide.

"I…I'm sorry, I didn't mean that, just forget I said it, it's….it's just the drugs speaking."

"No it's not."Hannibal still looked out of the window; he couldn't face his lieutenant right now. "It's exactly what you mean and what you wanted to say ever since you came here, you just didn't have the guts."

Face was angry; angry with himself. How could this have happened, why did he not have a grip on himself? Granted his mouth sometimes developed a life of its own but this was plain stupid. How could he have said this out loud and why now of all times? Now that the team finally felt right again; now that things started to go back to normal…or as normal as they ever were. He had screwed up royally. He might have had a chance to stay on the team. Hannibal seemed not to even mind when he complained about his pain, but now he had lost his only chance. That old nun at the orphanage was right after all: once a screw up, always a screw up.

Hannibal slowly turned around and Face prepared himself for the look on his face. He knew what would be there…rejection, disgust, hardness. Instead Hannibal looked sad and defeated. He leaned back against the window."We were a good team, the best, ever since Nam. We understood each other without words, always knew what the other was thinking, or so I thought. I was blind, so blind I didn't see you hurting on the inside. All the time we made jokes and I never saw it. I brought my team out of balance and don't know how to fix it." His eyes were on his cigar rather than Face.

Outside Murdock was whispering to BA. "What do we do, big guy? We hurt him as much, can't let the colonel alone with this. Let's go inside and fix our part."

"Oh man, I don't know if I'm brave enough to face this."

"You?"

"Don't look at me like that, fool. This can't be fixed with fists. Talkin' ain't my thing."

Face didn't know what was going on. He was angry and confused, the pain killer had stopped working and his foot throbbed as did his head. The roller coaster of emotions he had gone through over the last days was just too much. Hannibal didn't make any sense. Did he now want him off the team or not? Or was he saying he, Face, destroyed the whole team? He pressed his palms to his head, wishing the room would at least stop tilting and let him concentrate on something.

BA entered the room first and upon seeing Face he went over to him. "Don't ya worry Faceman, we'll work through this, everything will be fine, ya'll see."

Something inside Face snapped and he raised angry eyes on BA. "Stop. Stop saying that, nothing will be fine, nothing was ever fine nor will it be in future. Once a screw up, always a screw up, don't you know that?"

"We never called you a screw up," Hannibal said cautiously. He could see Face's jaw muscles as he clenched his teeth and tried to control his emotions.

Face was clearly at the end of his emotional rope…and he was about to fall off.

"You didn't have to say it. My track record speaks for itself. In my almost 32 years on this planet..." Face paused a moment, realizing that he had let his true age slip, then continued on hoping they wouldn't notice. "...I have managed to turn everybody away from me."

Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. knew that Face had fudged his age a bit to get into the Army. But they had no idea their friend was still that young. That would have made him all of 16 and some months when he enlisted. They didn't have any time to dwell on it, however, as Face was on a roll.

The words continued to flow from him like a tidal wave and there was no holding them back. "My own parents decided that they didn't want me. It took them three years to figure it out though before they dumped me. And then there was the orphanage. Nobody wanted to adopt me; I was too old. I came close once...real close...but at the last moment they backed out. Probably decided that they could do better. When I met Leslie, I thought I finally had a chance for a good life...for a family. When she took off, it was just more confirmation that I was worthless." A bitter smile played upon his lips. "Ironic, isn't it. You all think I'm such a ladies' man, and the one woman I really loved ran away from me and to a convent."

"Face..." Murdock tried to interject, but there was no stopping the speeding train.

"And sure Nam was awful, but at least I met you guys. Finally I was a part of something...a team...a family. But, I even managed to screw that up. I don't blame you for not wanting to help me last week. I mean, yeah, it hurt having to pay. But I get it...really I do." His voice was getting softer and tinged with pain.

Face's audience was rendered speechless; he was having a meltdown in front of their very eyes. They didn't know what to say...what to do...what to think. So they stood there and just listened.

"And what do I have to look forward to? Trying to stay still and not scream while Maggie puts a new drain in my foot in a couple of hours. Having to listen to all of you tell me that everything is fine one minute only to have you walk out on me the next. Living the rest of my life the way I did up until now...alone."

"I'm so confused." His voice was barely a whisper. "I'm so tired." Face shut his eyes yearning to shut everything else out. There was a lump in his throat and he could feel his strength dissipating.

Hannibal took a step toward the man he loved as a son and wanted to comfort. Before he was able to take the next step, Face's voice stopped him.

"Just go away," he pleaded, eyes still shut. "All of you...just go away...leave me alone."

There was no anger behind the words, just desperation. They could see he was in a great deal of pain physically and mentally. B.A. and Murdock looked to Hannibal who nodded his head in defeat and motioned them toward the door. They stepped outside and lingered by the door letting the gravity of what just happened sink in.

Maggie came down the hall with her medical bag. "It's time to check on my patient." Seeing the stoic men in front of her, she asked, "What's wrong?"

"You might want to come back a little later," Hannibal said.

"What...why?"

The sound of a man sobbing came through the door and no explanation was needed.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

Hannibal went back inside the room leaving the others in front of the door. He knew how Face hated to show weaknesses, let alone cry in front of them, but he just couldn't let him go through this alone.

"Face."

"What do you want from me now?" He was barely able to speak between sobs. Face was curled up on his side, the words muffled from the pillow he was hugging close to himself and sobbing into.

"I don't want anything. Just can't let you go through this alone."

"Had a lot of practice."

"A pillow to hug for comfort is nice, but a shoulder to cry on is better. Now come here, kid." Hannibal sat down on the bed and pulled Face into a sitting position. He struggled a bit to untangle him from the pillow but finally had him with his head on his shoulder, rubbing small circles on his back while Face was sobbing out all the anger and grief of the last week.

When the sobs stopped and Face was regaining a grip on his emotions Hannibal spoke again. "Now listen, kid. I want you to only listen now. You are wrong, very wrong. All the hurt that you had to endure made you bitter but you are not alone anymore…haven't been for a long time. Even if we are real jerks at times we would never walk out on you. Even if you tried to get us to leave we would not go. Over the years we have become more than a team, we are a family and families stick together. Yes, you will have to live through Maggie's ministrations but you are not alone, we are all here for you and the pain will let up with every day. And you will also have to listen to all of us telling you that everything will be fine because it's true. You will still be an orphan, but only on paper. In reality you have long since been adopted into our family. You will still be a fugitive but you have us and we have you and that is enough to make things fine. We are a unit kid; we may get thrown of our game sometimes but nothing can separate us. And now I want you to think about this and get some rest. You need to get your strength back. Come on. Let's lay you down again. We will talk more later. Just think about what I said and sleep. I'll be right here by your side."

Face was wiped out, both physically and emotionally and his eyes were closed when Hannibal slid him from his shoulder. He gently lowered Face down into the bed, making sure he never broke contact. Hannibal had intentionally left out the topic of Leslie and Ecuador since Face was emotionally not able to deal with that right now, but they would have to hold that discussion soon. He just hoped they would be able to convince Face that something like Ecuador would not happen again and that the damage done to his trusting the team would be reversible.

When Face woke up again the whole team plus Maggie was there with him. Hannibal was still sitting on the bed with him, keeping close physical contact. Murdock sat at the other side of the bed in a chair and held his hand and BA was also in a chair with one massive hand resting on his upper leg.

"Hey," he said groggily.

"Hey yourself, handsome," Maggie smiled. "Feeling any better?"

Face thought for a moment…was he feeling any better? They had all been there when he woke up, and that was the best medicine. "Yeah, I think I am."

Maggie went through the usual routine of taking his vitals while they made small talk and joked around. It did her heart good to hear a little life in Face's voice again; he was well on the way to a full recovery. "Okay, all I need to do now is tend to your foot and then I'll leave you boys alone for a while."

Face knew it was going to hurt and he was tired of having his friends witness his pain. Seeing the anguish on their faces as they watched him struggle only made him feel worse. "Um…guys…I have a favor to ask."

"Anything, buddy," Murdock smiled.

"You have to promise me that you won't object."

B.A. snorted. "As long as it don't involve no plane, I won't object."

Face waited until Hannibal and Murdock each nodded their agreement before making his request. "I want you to go downstairs and get yourself some real food. Maggie and I will be just fine."

Hannibal wanted to object. He didn't want Face to be alone as Maggie worked on him. But a promise was a promise. He reluctantly stood and gave the hand he had been holding for hours a reassuring squeeze before letting go. "Okay, kid. Just yell if you need us."

"I'm hoping it won't be so bad this time that I have to," Face joked. Seeing the hesitant looks from his friends, he made sure to add. "It's a joke. I haven't been able to do much of that lately...I must be rusty."

Maggie could see that they didn't want to leave. She knew what Face was doing...that he wanted the freedom to hurt without having to hide it in fear that they were hurting too. "I'll come get you as soon as we're done, alright?"

"C'mon you two," B.A. said. "I'm hungry." He wasn't really, but Face asked them to do something, and this time he was determined to help him in any way he could.

Once the room was cleared, Maggie turned back to Face and began removing the bandages. "It's quite a brave thing you did just then."

"Huh?" Face questioned.

"Don't try to con me, young man. I know you were sparing them from having to go through this again."

Face shrugged innocently. "I just thought they could use a meal."

"Sure, you did," she grinned, getting to the task at hand. "Sure you did."

Face lay there staring at the ceiling as Maggie studied his foot for what seemed like an eternity. "So, doc, am I gonna live?"

"Looks good, Face. Looks real good. No new signs of infection. However, we need to have a little talk."

"Uh-oh," Face moaned, in his experience whenever anybody said they needed to have a little talk, they would talk and he would listen. The subject was never a pleasant one either.

"I'm going to remove the glove and try to drain as much fluid as I can. This will require me to do a fair amount of 'poking and prodding', for lack of a better term. I may have to use a needle to drain the liquid...and I may even need to make some small incisions if I discover any pockets of infection that I previously missed."

Face felt his heart speeding up and his stomach turn. "Wonderful...can't wait."

"This process will most likely need to be done every day for at least three or four days." She ran a hand through her think brown mane, and sighed. "If you want me to get Hannibal or the guys..."

He cut her off with a firm "no", and she continued. "It's going to be quite painful and you will have to be completely still. You can scream...you can cry...you can sing for all I care. But, you cannot move or you risk me causing more damage."

Face nodded his head solemnly in understanding. Sure, he talked a good game, but when Maggie got started would he be able to do it? He didn't have to wait long to find out.

Maggie wanted to be as gentle as possible, but no matter how soft her touch, it wouldn't spare Face from the agony to come. She mentally tried to get herself in the zone, but it was almost impossible to block out his muffled grunts and whimpers. "If you need a break, just tell me and we'll stop."

He wanted to scream. Instead he tucked a corner of the blanket into his mouth and bit down hard. There was a moment when he thought he would be okay...it was bad...but tolerable. Then he saw Maggie reach for the scalpel. He spit out the blanket . "Wait...please wait."

Maggie stopped and turned to Face. His face had turned grey and there was fear in his eyes; fear and pain. "You're doing real good Face, we are almost done. It's just a small pocket of puss right inside the wound. All I have to do is hold your wound open and make a very small incision. After that I'll wash it out with a disinfectant and we are all done."

After a little while Maggie asked, "Ready?" Face gave a nod and she got started. Pulling the wound open was the worst part, it was so painful Face could almost not hold the screams back but he managed to keep his foot steady. Maggie was talking to him, probably telling him what she did, but he couldn't concentrate enough to make out the words. His eyes were tightly closed too, partly because the pain was just too much and partly because he had no desire to see any other tools she was going to use. When he thought it was getting a little better he felt something wet hit his foot. The wetness was almost instantly followed by searing pain and he couldn't hold back the scream any longer. Maggie had anticipated this and held his foot steady while pouring the disinfectant from a bottle with a pipe end with the other hand.

The rest of the team had not made it downstairs, just out of earshot of the bedroom. Murdock had to be pulled away from the room.

"But Hannibal, we can't let him go through this alone. It will be so much easier on him with us there."

"I know captain and I don't like it one bit, but we have to respect his wishes. Not taking him serious is what brought us here in the first place."

"Fool's as crazy as Murdock; whom does he think he needs to prove something to?"

"Let's just wait here so we'll be with him as soon as they get done and be close in case he changes his mind. He doesn't need to know we never went down."

They had lingered there for a while, getting more agitated by the minute when they heard the scream.

"Stay here." With that Hannibal was off and inside the room in a flash.

BA had to hold Murdock back. "Let me go, he needs us. You remember how he screamed in the camps and we couldn't get to him, now we can. Let me go."

"No fool, Hannibal will give us a sign. If his mind is really screwed up enough to think it's better for him to be alone now he doesn't need three friends to betray his wishes."

Hannibal rushed to the bed to help Maggie in keeping Face steady so she could finish washing out the wound. At this point it made no sense to stop only to go on with the pain a moment later. He was still screaming, his body bucking upwards. Hannibal pressed down on him.

The whole procedure was over in under a minute but it seemed much longer to everybody involved. Just a moment after Maggie stopped pouring Face stopped screaming. He was laying flat in the bed, panting and sweating with his eyes still closed. When he finally opened his eyes he saw Hannibal's concerned face and promptly closed them again. 'Great, just great. You sent them away to have a meal but screamed loud enough to even disturb them downstairs. Man up Peck, just when did you become such a wimp?'

He opened his eyes again but did not make eye contact with Hannibal. "I'm sorry. Next time I'll have a better grip on myself."

"This nonsense stops now." Hannibal was surprised by the hardness of his voice. The last week had really taken its toll on him. He made sure to continue in a much softer voice. "Don't be stupid Face. Nobody blames you for screaming, we admire that you've been able to hold back for so long. Seeing what Maggie does is bad enough…we can't even imagine feeling it. We left the room only because we made a promise to you and don't you think that this will ever be repeated. Whom are you trying to fool? We know the pain you are going through, we feel with you. Every cut Maggie has to make is causing pain for all of us. We feel every prodding and pressing and applying medicine and disinfectants whether we are at your side or outside the room. How do you think we could go down and enjoy a meal while you are up here in so much pain? You don't spare us anything by sending us outside; you're only making this so much harder on yourself. Face, you are allowed to be sick, you are allowed to feel pain and most important you are allowed to show how much pain you're in. It'll help you to share your pain with us."

Hannibal sat down at the side of the bed and once again took Face's hand. "You aren't alone, you have a family now, had one for almost 13 years. It's about time you understood that this isn't going to change no matter what happens. This includes sickness and injuries. We go through it together if it takes a day, a week, a month or the rest of your life. You are no burden to us, we want to help you. I know we have not been great at showing it lately but feel free to remind us anytime we behave like jerks again."

Face's eyes were watery and he didn't trust his voice. It was all just too much for him.

BA and Murdock who had listened outside and had decided it was safe to come in appeared in the doorway. "Yeah fool, if we put up with the fool why don't you think we can with you? One or two fools on the team, not much difference."

"Don't you ever do such a thing to us again, Face, or I may end up going sane."

"That's good, because much more of this and I may do the opposite and go crazy," Face said in a shaky voice, still trying to bring the pain down.

"It is going to get better, I promise. And, unlike these three here, I keep my promises," Maggie said with a wry grin.

"I'm glad they didn't," Face said. He looked over at his friends. "I guess I needed you guys more than I thought."

"And we need you more than we have showed lately." Hannibal figured now was as good a time as any to make amends for the whole Ecuador incident. "Maggie, would you mind giving us a few minutes."

Maggie obliged and exited the room while Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. pulled chairs up next to Face's bed. Surprisingly, it was B.A. who spoke first.

"I owe you an apology, Faceman." Face held up a hand to object, which B.A. reached over and gently swatted away. "Let me finish, man. B.A. Baracus doesn't like to say 'I'm sorry'…let me get it over with." Face nodded and smiled. "I didn't mean to make fun of your fraternity pin. I didn't know what it meant to you."

"We didn't know what Leslie meant to you," Murdock interjected.

"Yeah," B.A. agreed. "If I'd known that I wouldn't have made such a fuss 'bout flying."

"Yes, you would have," Murdock quipped.

B.A. snarled his lip at the pilot, but knew he was right. "Okay…I would have made a fuss. But maybe not as big of one."

"I'm sorry too, Muchacho. I should have seen that this was important to you."

"It isn't like I ever mentioned her before," Face said. It wasn't often that he was being apologized to and it was starting to make him uncomfortable.

"Doesn't matter, you asked us for help and we should have just given it to you without question."

B.A. slapped Murdock playfully on the back, "you actually makin' sense, fool."

Murdock slapped B.A. in return. "Chuck and I had a long talk and helped me understand what we did wrong."

B.A. shook his head. "I spoke too soon."

Face couldn't help but laugh at the banter. "Thanks guys…I appreciate it." Face looked at Hannibal noting that he was being awfully quiet.

"Guys, could you….ehm…could you give us a moment alone?"

"Ahhh, BA and I are always getting thrown out. And he doesn't even allow me into the kitchen anymore."

"BA, let him into the kitchen, it's not like there was anything edible left after his last cooking. Now out, I need to speak to my lieutenant."

The odd pair left the room but only pretended to go away. They actually crept back to the door to eavesdrop.

Face closed his eyes, everything was spinning but as he realized, closing the eyes only helped against the spinning outside the head. Anytime the team seemed normal, engulfed in the playful banter he loved so much and Murdock starting his antics, anytime he felt complete and integrated it was yanked out from under him. Why had Hannibal done it and was now standing in the room, looking out the window instead of looking at him? The silence was thick and Face did not know where was up and down again. Did they now want him on the team or not? The changing emotions made him dizzy and he really didn't know what Hannibal wanted.

Hannibal slowly turned around and, seeing the distress on his lieutenant's face came back to sit in the chair next to the bed. "I don't even know where to begin. I'm so sorry, Face."

Hannibal apologizing to him? That was about the last thing Face had expected. Or was he apologizing for what was about to come…was he finally telling him it was all over?

"I've been a complete jerk ever since you asked us for help. I feel so terrible about the things I've said and done. I did the most damage of all of us."

Wait a minute. This was Hannibal. Hannibal should never say something like this. "Hannibal you don't…"

"Listen to me kid, please. I don't know how I could have been so blind and cold towards you. In the plane you wanted to open up to me, something you do way to seldom and I just left you there with Amy. I teased you most of us in Ecuador but I did the most damage after we were back and you came here. The things I said about you not having family and dating a lot, I'm so sorry Face. If I could just turn back time…"

"Uhm… actually it is true. I don't have family and I do date a lot." Face felt very uncomfortable.

"No, you have us. We are your family and whether it's true or not, it was mean to say it. And what I said about you stealing and sleeping around that was just inacceptable. "

Hannibal stood and went over to the window again. Looking out he said "I would just never have thought an unrequited love from 15 years ago would still bug you this much. In fact I still can't really see your problem." He turned back around to be face to face with the lieutenant.

"Hannibal, but I thought…after all that happened…she was the only woman I ever loved…and I still love her."

"Look at it kid. It was a good thing she left you…."

Face's voice rose, "How can you say that? After the last week I thought you saw what she means to me. How can you be so cold?"

"Kid, let me finish. Maybe I'm selfish here but her loss is my gain. Had she not left you, you would never have quit and joined the army and I would never have met you. This team would never have existed because without you it's not complete. Maybe the three of us would be in jail by now, or would not even have survived Nam without your sniper back up. I would not have this wonderful family that I have now. Sure, we are all not blood relatives but I could never ask for anything better. Each of us has his qualities and faults and I wouldn't have it any other way. Face, I love you boys with all my heart and I have to thank Leslie for leaving you."

Face couldn't talk; could barely breathe.

Hannibal had never said that he loved him before. Nobody had ever said that they loved him before. Except for Leslie and look how that turned out.

Then he began to feel guilty. The guys were apologizing to him for not seeing what he was going through, but how could he have been so blind as not to realize how much they cared about him. He let one bad mission taint over a decade of good times.

Yes, he loved Leslie…probably always would. But the truth was that she left him, and they didn't.

It wasn't the team's fault that he was insecure; that he couldn't trust. They didn't do that to him. He stopped trusting people long before they entered the picture.

Yes, they hurt him by making him hire them and by the jokes they made at his expense. However, he now realized that they truly hadn't meant to hurt him. They thought he was in on the jokes. And, why wouldn't they…he hadn't said anything to make them think otherwise.

Face didn't let his emotions show. He kept them well hidden underneath his tan and his smile. It was a defense mechanism to protect him from the rejection he had experienced all too often. Maybe if he had just opened up to them a little more this whole mess could have been avoided.

Hannibal stood uncomfortably watching as Face lay there saying nothing and staring into space. The silence was deafening and screamed at him that he had made a giant mistake. He felt naked…exposed…embarrassed. 'You told the kid you love him, and he doesn't feel the same. Can't blame him after what you just put him through.' "Get some rest, Face," he tried to keep his tone light. "Call if you need anything."

The two eavesdropping team members scurried away from the door as soon as they heard Hannibal moving. They felt sheepish getting caught but Hannibal didn't even seem to notice them, he walked straight past them, his body language screaming defeat. BA and Murdock were at a loss of what to do. The last thing they had heard from Face was his raised voice 'How can you be so cold?' He had not said a word after Hannibal's confession. Was he just pouting or had they gone too far with their jokes to be able to repair the damage they caused. Should they go in to find out from Face or follow Hannibal to ask him, or split and do both? Before they could decide the door opened again.

Face had been so lost in his remorseful thoughts that he hadn't responded. The colonel had just confessed his true feelings toward him and he left him hanging. Face wanted to tell Hannibal that he felt the same way…that he loved him, B.A. and Murdock with all his heart. But he was too late. Hannibal was out the door before his head caught up with his heart.

'This can't be happening again." Face thought. 'Go after him.' Hannibal was the only father he had ever known, and he wasn't about to lay there and let him go.

Adrenaline got him out of the bed and onto his feet. His knees almost buckled in pain and exhaustion, but somehow he kept himself going. Every step was excruciating, but he continued on knowing that it brought him closer to his family. He couldn't rest until he said the three little words that Hannibal had just said to him: I love you.

His hand closed around the door knob and spots danced before his eyes. 'Damn, I'm never going to make it.'


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11:

'Man up Peck, you are pathetic. Here you are, member of the A-Team, ex green beret and war vet, and you can't even make a few steps? Come on you escaped from a POW camp in a far worse state, you'll sure be able to make your way through a house. Next time I'll scam him a cabin instead of a big house. Just don't step on your left foot again. Hobbling on one will do. Okay, here goes nothing.'

Self motivation worked only so far. Truth was, adrenalin did a lot in such situations and the adrenalin he felt now was nothing compared to when half of the VC is after you and your life depends on the next step. And his team had been with him to give support to each other. He had been lying flat for so long, getting up without time to adjust wasn't the brightest idea. He was dizzy and his head swam. He had used the walls for support to get this far. Opening the door he was leaning on for support didn't also quite prove his ability to think clearly at this moment. As the door swung open all intentions of not stepping on his injured foot were forgotten. The pain made him yell and he lost the little balance he had gained and came crushing to the floor. However, he never felt the impact since he was out before he hit the ground.

The next time he opened his eyes he was back on the bed, a fresh IV bag connected to his arm, his head pounding even worse than before and four concerned faces around him, or rather three concerned one mildly irritated plus concerned. It was that one that spoke first.

"I thought I had told you to stop being stupid. Are you trying to kill yourself at all costs or what was this stupid stunt about?"

When he didn't get an instant reaction from Face Hannibal went on. "Is it really so terrible if someone tells you that he cares? Do you need to run away even if you are not up to? Can't you simply accept the fact that not everybody is out to harm you but there are people whom you really mean something too?"

His head was pounding so hard that all he heard was Hannibal's angry tone, and not the actual words he was saying. He wanted to tell him that he was sorry for not answering him. He opened his mouth, but the words wouldn't come. All that came out was a pitiful moan which seemed to anger the colonel even more.

Hannibal was hurt. He considered Face to be his son and he assumed Face looked up to him as a father. He told him he loved him and Face said nothing but let him stand there like a fool. Hannibal felt rejected…it was coming out as anger, but the truth was that he was just disappointed. He felt a hand on his shoulder gently pulling him away.

"C'mon man, you don't mean to be yellin' at the Faceman."

"I wasn't yelling," he said, allowing B.A. to lead him over to a chair. "I was…I was…"

"Talkin' loudly?"

"Yeah that."

B.A. pushed him down into the chair. "Just take a minute to cool off."

Face felt as sick as a dog, Hannibal was angry and he let the team down once more. 'You screwed up yet again,' he thought. Murdock and Maggie were still hovering over him, but they were getting fuzzier. His eyes began to close and he gladly gave into the darkness.

"Is he okay, Maggie?" Murdock asked.

"I'm sure he will be." At this point, however, she was really beginning to wonder.

Murdock could see the strain on the doctor's face and the bags under her eyes. "Are you okay?" Tears sprung to her eyes, and she tried unsuccessfully to hold them back. "Why don't you take a break?"

She shook her head 'no". I have to check Face's foot...it probably needs to be drained again after he put his body weight on it."

Murdock wrapped her into a hug. "You've done enough for us." Murdock looked over to Hannibal and B.A. and motioned with his head for them to come over. "We have been watching you clean the wound for days now...we can take care of it."

"Murdock's right, lil' mama," B.A. agreed. "And that ain't somethin' I say too often."

Maggie smiled at that last remark and then looked over at Hannibal, who concurred. "We'll take it from here. You go get some rest."

"Okay...but call me if you need me." She was headed out the door when she turned and added, "And, John Smith, don't you yell at that boy anymore. He's sick and in pain. I don't care what happened between the two of you, now is not the time to get into it."

Hannibal blushed. "You're right. Maggie, as always, you're right."

"I know," she grinned and went on her way.

The three men stood next to Face's bed and looked down at the unconscious man. His skin looked grey and he was covered in sweat. Hannibal's heart ached knowing that he had played any part in his coming to be so ill. "This stops right here...right now. No more nonsense...no more games. We have one mission now, and that is to get Face well. We repair him physically and then we get to work on repairing the rest of him...and us. Agreed?"

"Agreed," B.A. and Murdock said at the same time.

They tried to channel their inner-Maggies as they tended to Face's foot which appeared badly inflamed and swollen. They knew what they had to do, but it didn't make the task any easier.

"Okay...let's get to work," Hannibal ordered.

Face woke with a start as he felt a searing pain in his foot. He was held down and started to struggle against his enemy. Before he recognized what was going on he heard Hannibal's stern voice.

"Stay still, this is getting done whether you like it or not."

The tone in Hannibal's voice made him freeze. He now recognized he was being held down by his friends and Hannibal was cleaning his wound. He couldn't think straight, why were they doing this to him and where was Maggie? She had done it not long ago and said every day not several times a day. Didn't they know she had done it?

"Stop, please stop. Maggie…"

Murdock was leaning over his face "Maggie is tired Face, she tended to you for days without much of a break. Now it's our turn."

"But…argghhh" the sentence died on his lips when the next round of peroxide was poured into his open wound.

"Hold still Lieutenant or this is only going to hurt more than necessary."

They seemed all business, no emotion. Sure they knew Maggie had already cleaned his wound so why did they do it again? Had he screwed up so bad they now intentionally hurt him? He turned pleading eyes on Murdock, his best friend but all he could say was "Why?"

"Just stay still Face, almost done."

Apparently Hannibal had changed his mind about loving all his boys. Why he had actually believed those words to be true he could not remember. It always ended like this. Why had he not been able to answer when Hannibal had talked to him? And why of all things had he tried to follow him knowing full well he would not be able too. Looked like a good idea then, but quite stupid now. Had he just waited for the next person to come to the room and assist him, he would actually have been able to talk to Hannibal and would not have screwed up again. He could kick himself but even that was not possible while being held down. He jumped when they suddenly released him.

"We are done Lieutenant." That was all Hannibal said before he turned away and removed the tools he had been using.

Nobody talked until Hannibal was done and turned his attention back to Face. "Since you're apparently intent on causing harm to yourself at any given chance here is a new set of rules for you, Lieutenant."

'All business and talking rank. No 'how do you feel' anymore. Much as I hate to admit it, that old nun is right again; once a screw up, always a screw up.'

"You will stay in this bed, you won't even move without being told to. You will be cooperative in your treatment, take all medicine that is given to you, eat and drink whatever is being brought to you. If you so much as think of getting out of this bed again without permission I'll personally tie you down. Did you understand that, Lieutenant?"

'What ever happened to I love you with all my heart? We play soldier now, okay, I can do that.'

"I asked you a question, Lieutenant."

"Geez, yeah I understand."

"What was that, Lieutenant?"

Face exhaled loudly. He hated this. "Yes sir."

"Good. One of the three of us will stay with you at all times. No more games until you are healed. Now rest, I'll take the first turn."

Murdock made a move to pull the cover more up around Face's shoulders; he knew that he liked it this way, as warm as possible. But his movement died before he even touched the cover.

"Captain, I said I'm taking the first turn."

Murdock shrugged apologetically at Face and then followed BA out the room.

Face was trembling. He couldn't tell if it was from the pain of the procedure he just endured or from the attitudes of those who had just done it to him…most likely a combination of both. He clenched his hands into fists trying to stop the shaking and closed his eyes to keep the room still.

Hannibal saw Face's fists and the defiant way he was blocking him out. A spark of anger flared up in him, but then he remembered what Maggie said. Face was suffering and the pain was probably driving most of his actions at this point. He took a deep breath and reminded himself that priority number one was getting the kid well. The only way this was ever going to happen was if he took his emotions out of it. He was a soldier, after all, and that is what soldiers were trained to do during battle. And this was one of the biggest battles he had ever fought.

'Lead with your head, Smith,' he thought, 'and not your heart.' The trouble was that he didn't know how long his heart would allow him to do so.

Face tried to breathe in and out slowly from his nose and to ignore that his foot felt like it was on fire. He could feel the nausea building. He opened his eyes and looked at Hannibal sitting in the corner watching him with an impassive stare. The colonel had made it crystal clear that he was tired of taking care of him, but Face figured it was better to ask for help than to get sick all over his sheets.

"I'm going to be sick, sir," he moaned, wrapping his arms around his midsection as if it would help keep the contents inside.

Hannibal grabbed a bucket and was at his bedside in seconds. He handed the bucket over and stood stoically as Face repeatedly vomited. The lieutenant barely had time to take a breath in between heaves and his face had turned bright red from the effort. His heart ached watching him, but he had to stay strong, stay removed and stay the course.

Face felt like he was dying...he just couldn't seem to stop. Just as soon as he thought he might be okay, his stomach would clench up and another round would begin. Gradually, the time in between attacks became spaced longer and longer apart until they subsided completely. Face handed the bucket to Hannibal who had remained unmoving at his side, a poker-faced observer.

Exhausted, he collapsed back against the pillow.

Hannibal moved away to empty and clean the bucket for the next time, knowing it would surely be used again. 'This doesn't feel right, not at all. It feels complete and utterly wrong.' Anytime Face was sick, which for some reason happened to him way more often than the rest of them, and Hannibal was close he would hold his shoulders or rub small circles on his back to give a little support. To just stand by and do nothing more than provide the bucket felt so wrong. But he had to stay in character; no emotions allowed. Much as he wanted to he knew he couldn't. He had let his emotions towards the kid show before and look where it got them. Now he was worse off than before. He should have known that the kid would bolt and run at his words. Face didn't want to get into any kind of relationship for fear of being rejected. He had thought that after all the time they had spent together Face would know what he thought of him and the other two and thought saying it out loud wouldn't make a difference. Apparently Face didn't share his view about things concerning their little family.

Face was watching Hannibal's back as he was once again cleaning away his mess. His whole body language was saying just how tired he was of doing so; how disappointed he was in his second in command. Hannibal would usually provide some comfort when he was sick but this time he didn't even give him water to wash out his mouth. He wasn't about to ask for it either; wasn't going to add oil to the fire by whining about minor discomforts. At the rate he was going he would anyway be sick again, just a waste of water then. He had been in and out of it for days now with big gaps in his memory. Now he wished he would pass out or at least fall asleep but no such luck. He was laying there for quite a while with Hannibal reading a book in the far corner of the room before exhaustion blissfully allowed him to escape the situation for a while.

In the mean time BA and Murdock were sitting at the kitchen but neither of them had much of an appetite.

"It's just not right big guy. I know we agreed to get him well physically before mentally but this is only adding mental pain. How can he be so cold?"

"We don't know what happened between the two of them in there."

"Whatever it was, I've never seen Hannibal acting in strict command mode towards one of us unless he was really pissed and that happens rarely. In addition Face is sick and not himself right now."

"Yeah you're right fool. But he's been acting crazy with no respect for his health…deserves some cold shoulder too."

"But not like this, he's sick BA and don't forget it's our fault he got into this position in the first place. Come on, you know how he craves little comforts and touches when he is sick. It's the only time he will allow himself to show some weakness and accept it. I mean, I only wanted to tuck the blanket around his shoulders, we all know he likes that. How can Hannibal deny him such a little comfort? He's completely void of any emotion."

"Don't like it neither but trust the colonel, fool, he always has a plan."

"Plan or not it's not right to treat him this way. Remember how he once told us he hated to be at the infirmary in the orphanage because he was mostly alone there? He doesn't need to relive such feelings, trust me I'm expert in this."

At that moment Hannibal entered the kitchen with two radios on him. "Captain, your turn. Take a radio and tell me to come as soon as he shows signs of waking up. You two will sit with him while he is asleep, I'll take the times when he's awake."

Murdock just shook his head and left the kitchen. When he entered the bedroom he noticed how pale and thin Face was. He had not eaten much in over a week now and the little he took in didn't stay there for long. Murdock's first action was to tuck the blanket over Face's shoulders. Face stirred and snuggled into Murdock's touch…that's when Murdock made a decision. Since when did Hannibal's plans work without improvisation and little changes? He draped the blanket firmly around Face, then climbed on the bed beside him and curled up close to Face. Face sighed in his sleep and snuggled a little closer to Murdock, savoring the body heat and the comfort he provided.

BA was trying to talk reason into Hannibal. "You telling him you were glad Leslie left him after what he just went thru was probably too much. And treating him cold like this just ain't right…no matter what happened."

"BA…I…."

He could not go on since a furious Maggie just stormed into the kitchen. She was on her way to her patient and wanted to get some coffee first. She had heard what BA had said.

"John I need to talk to you… alone."

Hannibal followed her out of the kitchen and she started before they were out of earshot to the kitchen.

"John Smith, are you completely nuts?"

"Actually that is Murdock's dep…."

"Don't you get witty on me. You told him you were glad Leslie left him? In his state of mind? I thought you were able to think on your feet but apparently I was wrong. And what was that about being cold to him?"

Hannibal explained his plan.

"Great, just great. That's about the last thing he needs. You're just pissed about whatever happened between the two of you."

"You want to know what happened? I apologized to him after BA and Murdock had already done so; told him how I loved him and the others and this unthankful little brat just got defiant and didn't say a word."

"You're really truly stupid! I'm surprised how wrong I was with my assumption about you. After all he's been through you expect him to be ever so thankful and accept your apologies without further thinking? It won't happen."

"Oh come off it Maggie, years of caring for him versus one time we did him wrong. He should not be this defiant."

"Years of caring? Come off your high horse and see the truth. In the short time I know you and your team, how many times did I patch up Face because your plan went wrong? You hang him out as bait…you sent him into the lion's den! Do I need to go on? He has the right not to trust in your judgment again. And now excuse me…I have to go check on my patient."

BA had listened to the whole tirade. Much as he bickered about having a lady doctor treat his leg when they first came to Bad Rock he had to admit this woman had guts. To face Hannibal like that and tell him everything she did…BA could not have done it better.

Face slept straight through Murdock's shift curled in a ball into the pilot's side. He didn't even stir when B.A. opened the door a couple of hours later to relieve him.

"What you doin', fool? Hannibal is gonna kill you," he whispered emphatically.

"Not if a certain gold-plated giant doesn't say anything," Murdock replied as he gently slid away from Face and off the bed.

"I ain't gonna say nothin."

"Good."

"I ain't gonna say nothin' because I'm about to take your spot," B.A. said slowly lowering himself onto the mattress.

Murdock's smile could have lit the room. "Take care of him, B.A." He turned toward the door, then looked back and added, "and try to keep him sleeping as long as possible. The longer Hannibal is away from him, the better."

Murdock grabbed a shower before heading to the kitchen. He expected to find Hannibal, but instead found a note on the table. His stomach dropped immediately; he had a feeling he knew what the note said. "Chuck, we have a very, very, very, big problem," he said after a quick read confirmed his fears.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12:

Without waiting for Chuck to respond, he sprinted back to Face's room. "B.A." he whispered breathlessly. "Hannibal's gone."

"What you mean he's 'gone'?"

"Gone…as in see ya…adios…arrivederci…auf wiedersehen!"

"I know what gone means fool! But where'd he go?"

Murdock showed B.A. the note. "Damn!" he cursed, crumpling up the letter and tossing it aside in disgust. "It's a sad day when you are only the third craziest member of the A-team."

Murdock nodded sadly. "Let's go get Maggie to stay with Face. You and I are going on a Hannibal hunt."

Face opened his eyes as soon as the door closed behind Murdock and B.A. He heard them as they argued in hushed tones, but faked sleep in order to hear what was really going on and not some version they would later tell him.

Hannibal was gone. Murdock had said so. 'I knew he would leave me,' Face thought as his eyes welled up. He swiped at the tears refusing to allow their descent down his cheeks. There was a crumpled piece of paper on the bed next to his foot. By the time he managed to sit up and get the note he was covered in sweat. Hands quivering, he smoothed out the note and began to read:

Guys, I need a break. I'm not doing anybody any good by sticking around. I need some time to think. I'll call you in a few days. I'm sorry. Hannibal

Face was so focused on the note that he didn't hear Maggie enter the room. He read it over and over again, until she called his name and broke his trance.

"Face. Face, look at me, honey."

Face looked up wide-eyed and like a frightened child. "Why do they always leave me?" he asked in a small voice. "Hannibal's been a father to me. My real father didn't stick around, and now it's happening again."

"Oh Face, don't do that. He's not gone, he'll be back in no time, you'll see. Once he comes to his senses he'll come running and begging for forgiveness."

"No, he won't come back. The note says he'll call. I have enough experience with this. 'I'll arrange everything and then call.' And then they'll call that they found a younger child or changed their mind altogether or the woman suddenly got pregnant. It's always been the same." Face sounded defeated and was angrily wiping at the tears, not wanting the hurt to show. When he had a bit of a grip on his emotions he forced his expression to be neutral and continued. "Anyway, it took him long to change his mind. Hey and know what, this time at least I know why he's leaving me."

Maggie sat down on the bed beside him and took his hands in hers. "Face, don't think like that. None of this is your fault."

"He's right. Who wants to keep a burden around?"

"Young man, stop talking like this at once. You aren't a burden. If I remember well your new rules included not to move around, so lay back down and rest."

"That was Hannibal's rule."

"Made for you and I agree with him. You need rest, you need medicine and you need food." With a wink she added, "part of Hannibal's plans always works. Or let's say the end result is good, just his ways to achieve it are usually madness. It's time you allow your body to heal, now lay back and let me have a look at your foot."

'No need to be strong, with the team gone I can go to the next police station myself and get it over with. With nobody to bail me out of trouble I'm as good as caught.' For Maggie's sake he kept those thoughts to himself.

"Where are BA and Murdock?"

"Off looking for their AWOL commander. He took his car."

'They will follow him soon.'

"The rest did you good. The antibiotics have finally started working. Your foot looks better. If we clean it out two or three times that should do it. I'm going to get you some food and then you can rest some more while we wait for them."

"I'm not hungry."

"Remember rule number….was it three? You will eat and drink anything that's brought to you. Maybe we can let up a bit if the person bringing it is Murdock and it contains bacon chocolate chips and icing at the same time. I'll be back in a few, rest."

Maggie came back with a light soup. Face was able to drink about half of it and even managed to keep it down for now. Together they settled in for a long wait. She could tell Face was tired but he was doing his best not to fall asleep.

"Face, you need rest, close your eyes and sleep."

"You think they'll be back?"

"What do you mean?"

"BA and Murdock. Maybe….maybe Hannibal already convinced them…..I mean…I know they will stick with him…..and eventually be gone…..but…..it…..it would just…. it would be nice to have them around for a bit."

"You are really a fool, Templeton Peck. No force on this earth could separate you four from each other. They would never leave you. Why would they be off chasing Hannibal if it was so easy to let go?"

"He's the commander. He can't be replaced."

"And you can?"

"Murdock's good at the cons too."

"You think you are nothing but a conman to them?" Maggie sadly shook her head. "I won't even get into that discussion with you. What's wrong with this team? Has everyone gone crazy? Close your eyes and sleep. I'm sure they'll be back by the time you wake up."

When exhaustion had won and he was fast asleep she crept out of the room to make a call. "How's it going?"

"We found his car, neatly parked beside yours in the park house. He can be anywhere, might even have left the town, there's a greyhound station and a train station just around the corner."

"Stop chasing him. There's no way you'll find him if he doesn't want you to. Come back, Face needs you two here."

"We'll be with you soon."

When Face woke up he felt oddly safe and there was something warm at his side. The scent told him it was BA. He opened his eyes and saw a tired and concerned looking BA smiling down at him from his position, propped up on an elbow.

"Hey there, how you doin' Faceman?"

"You are back," a small smile crept on his face as hope sparked, "Hannibal?"

"Sorry we couldn't find him. Hasn't called yet, either."

Face smile vanished again. "Hey man, we are here for you. Doesn't that count for anything?"

"For a lot, BA. I just wished everything was back to normal again."

"Me too, don't ya worry. It will be soon." 'As soon as Hannibal is released from the hospital after I pound his lights out first chance I get,' he mentally added. "In the mean time we can all use some R&R from his crazy plans…you not up to them anyway. Let me tell the fool you're up, supper is ready."

"Supper? How long did I sleep?"

"For over three hours. It's after ten."

"So Hannibal is really not coming back for the night."

"Stop worrying about him. We can only cure one fool at a time." BA picked up the radio to call Murdock who appeared moments later.

"Room service. Today's special for you sir. We have a 1918 orange juice here, a very fine year for orange juice, and our special, cooked just for you: Soup ala water with some chicken taste and a few noodles." In a normal voice he added "I wanted to add chocolate chips and pickles but Maggie wouldn't allow me."

"Fool, you'll make him sick from only talking 'bout it. Here, let me put some pillows behind you to get into a position to eat."

"Thanks guys but I'm really not hungry."

"That's good."

"What are you talkin' now fool. He has to eat."

"Yeah, but a hungry man would never get satisfied from this. Not without the chocolate chips and pickles. What's it going to be Face? You eating yourself or we have to feed you?"

"I'm not hungry."

"Okay" Murdock picked up the spoon. "Open the hangar, here comes the plane."

"Oh Murdock, give me that already, you won't leave me alone anyway."

"Good boy."

"I'm not Billy."

"Ah, eat already."

Face drunk some of the soup and the juice until Murdock allowed him to stop. He felt tired again.

"Go to sleep Face, things will look better in the morning. It's my shift to stay with you." Murdock plopped down on the bed beside Face. "Big guy, wake us when breakfast is ready. I want pancakes."

BA muttered "crazy fools" as he left the room and even Maggie smiled.

Later at night the phone rang and Maggie was first to pick it. "Yeah?"

"How is he?"

"How is he? How do you think he is?" Maggie reacted on instinct and slammed the phone down. She regretted it seconds later. John was a proud man and he would not take this too kindly. She hoped she had not complicated matters.

"Who was that?" BA had heard the phone and came into the hall.

"John."

"Bad conscience driving him to the phone. When's he coming back?"

"I don't know. He only said 'How is he?' and I shouted at him and slammed the phone down. I'm sorry, I reacted on instinct."

"Don't ya worry, suits him right to feel bad for a while. I'm sure he'll show up in the morning or at least call. He can't stay away for too long knowing Face is hurting."

"I hope you are right."

Morning came without another word from Hannibal.

Face woke to find B.A. sprawled out on the floor and snoring softly.

There was still no sign of Hannibal.

He looked up at the ceiling and listened to the voices in his head. 'Just get used to the idea…he isn't coming back. This whole thing is your fault. If it weren't for you and your issues, Hannibal would still be here. It isn't fair for the others to pay the price for your problems.'

He turned his attention to the window and looked at the bright blue sky that stood out in stark comparison to his grey mood. That's when he made a decision. As soon as he got the chance, he was going to take off and allow them to get back to their normal lives. He almost laughed at the thought. Normal…nothing about their lives were normal…but at least they would be free of his baggage.

The rustling of chains brought him back to the moment. "Mornin', Faceman."

"At least you didn't put a 'good' before that," Face moped.

"C'mon, man. I don't wanna hear you talkin' down anymore."

"I'm sorry, you're right." He forced a smile. "Where's Murdock?"

"The fool and Maggie went into town to get some groceries. He stayed with you overnight. We tried to wake you for breakfast, but you was too out of it. Can I get you anything?"

"Um…I kinda…hafta…you know…go," Face squirmed feeling uncomfortable asking for B.A.'s help.

B.A. supported Face's weight and they inched their way down the hall and towards the bathroom. Face kept his bad foot off the floor and used the larger man as a crutch. B.A. allowed him privacy as he did his business and then they began the trip back. Half-way to their destination, Face stopped and leaned heavily against B.A.

B.A. adjusted his position so he had a firmer grip. "You okay, man?"

"Yeah," Face panted. "Just need a minute."

After a moment, they started up again, but it wasn't long before Face let up again. "Dizzy," he muttered before slumping forward. B.A. caught him and helped ease him down to a sitting position on the floor resting with his back against the wall."

"Just sit here a minute. I'm gonna run down and get you some juice. It's been a long time since you ate anythin' and your sugar probably dropped too low. Okay?"

Face nodded which made him feel even more woozy. He briefly considered trying to get up and make a run for it; nobody was watching him and it would have been the perfect opportunity to slip out. But between his injured foot and the lightheadedness, he doubted he would make it two steps before keeling over.

After drinking some orange juice and sitting still for almost ten minutes Face was feeling a little better, but B.A. still insisted on carrying him back to the room. He started to object until his foot brushed against the floor lightly and the shooting pain up his leg served to shut his mouth.

B.A. saw his friend wince and go pale as he lifted him into his arms. He wasted no time getting him back into bed. "How's it feeling today?" he asked pointing toward Face's foot.

"Only hurts when I move it," Face grimaced.

"Here…try this." B.A. reached for the pillow on the floor that he slept on. As delicately as he could, he lifted Face's leg and slid the pillow under. "Not sure if this will help, but they always sayin' to 'elevate your legs' in them doctor shows."

Face was taken aback by B.A.'s thoughtfulness. "Why?"

"I dunno," he shrugged. "I think it's supposed to stop the swelling or somethin' like that."

"No, I mean, why are you being so nice to me?"

"Because my mama always told me that family takes care of each other," B.A. explained.

"But…" Face started before being intercepted.

"But, nothin'. You're my lil' brother. My very white and usually over-dressed brother, but still my brother."

B.A. made it seem so simple…so easy.

"Family sticks together, Faceman. In good times and bad."

Face smiled at the sergeant . He wanted to believe him so badly…after all B.A. wasn't one to say things he didn't mean. But if what he was saying about family sticking together was true, where were his parents? And where was Hannibal?

B.A. placed a blanket on top of Face and said, "try and get some more sleep before Maggie comes back and starts pokin' at your foot again."

Face groaned. "Is it that time already?"

"Yup…'fraid so. And this time I ain't goin' anywhere, so don't even think about it."

Face closed his eyes. "Thanks, B.A."

"That's what family is for, man," B.A. ran his hand through his Mohawk and thought, 'I just hope the colonel realizes that sooner rather than later.'


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13:

Hannibal had rented a cheap motel room not far from his current house, or rather the house his team was using right now. Was it even still his team? In all the years he was proud to call himself a good leader. No matter what situation they came across he always knew what the others were thinking and was able to lead them through the most difficult times. He was especially proud to be able to read Face so well while he was able to con everybody else. How he had miscalculated things so horribly wrong in the last few days he really didn't know. He was so sure of doing the right thing when he apologized to Face and told him he loved him he had never even considered that Face could feel different. So much for being able to read him.

And Maggie had been right too, Face seemed to frequently pay the price for his 'fool proof' plans. And as much as the kid whined he had never once accused him of causing him unnecessary risk and hurt. But now he had hurt him once too often and Face had changed his mind; didn't say a word while he is normally the most talkative person he knows.

Hannibal was at a loss as to what to do. Yesterday he had run and made sure they couldn't trace him, but he choose to stay close. He wanted to be close to them. In actual fact he wanted nothing more than to draw the kid into a bear hug and comfort him but that would scare him off for good. He could not lose this team, none of them. That is why he ran before he caused more damage. It had seemed like a good idea too, get some distance, think things over. It had all gone belly up when he had called. He just couldn't rest without knowing how Face was doing and then Maggie's words had hit him in the gut. He had screwed up again, caused the kid even more hurt by running and now was not welcome anymore. The slamming down of the phone had told him that. So did Face still want him around?

If he went back his options were limited. He could just go on as if nothing had happened but that was not a good idea. Face would probably not say anything but the other three would skin him alive and Hannibal himself could not live with such a giant elephant in the room. The other option would be to apologize again and risk that Face bolts again and hurts himself more.

He needed a plan, needed to think but for once Hannibal could not come up with a plan. He decided to get some rest and see if a plan would then come to his mind.

Face's mind was whirling. He needed to get away but BA was now sitting in the same room. Also, he needed to heal some before getting away, at least have to be able to walk without drawing too much attention to himself. So he forced himself to rest in order to speed up the healing process.

When Maggie and Murdock returned they went through the routine of cleaning his wound. As Maggie had promised the pain was less than the day before, but it was still a cruel thing. Afterwards Murdock took over from BA and lay on the bed next to him. Murdock eventually broke the silence.

"What happened between you and the colonel? Why didn't you respond when he told you he loved us all?"

Face ran a hand across the stubble on his chin and exhaled loudly. "I didn't mean to. You have to understand, Murdock, I don't have a whole lot of experience with people telling me they love me. All these thoughts were running through my head and I just froze." He started to play with a loose thread on the blanket.

Murdock took over for Face. "And by the time you started to defrost, it was too late." Face nodded his head. "So, how would you have responded if you had the chance?"

"I would have told him that I loved him too." Face dropped the thread and lowered his voice. "But none of that matters now."

"What do you mean? Of course it does!"

"Hannibal was only saying that. If he really meant it he would have been back by now."

Murdock grabbed Faces hand and squeezed. "He'll be back...you'll see."

Face lay back against the pillow and closed his eyes. "Maybe," he muttered then added, "Is it hot in here or is it me?"

Murdock put a hand to Face's forehead and frowned at the warmth; he was supposed to be getting better. Even Maggie said the infection was clearing up. But Face's cheeks were flushed and his breathing shallow.

Dr. Richter always said that much of physical wellness was tied into ones mental state, and Murdock knew this to be true. When he first entered the V.A. he was always getting sick. As he got further into his treatment and the sounder his mind became, the illnesses seemed to diminish greatly.

"Hey buddy, will you be okay here by yourself for a few minutes? I promise I'll be right back."

"Sure," Face said, eyes still shut. He was tired...so very tired.

Murdock scurried off to look for Maggie. He found her unloading the washing machine in the basement. "Maggie, Face is running a fever again."

"I can't say that I'm surprised," she sighed. "How high?"

"I don't know. I didn't want to upset him by making him think he wasn't getting better." Murdock arched his eyebrows. "Wait...you're not surprised?"

"No. Emotional stress is highly related to physical well being," she said matter of factly. "And I would say our lieutenant would qualify as being stressed at the moment. He was bound to relapse."

"What do we do?"

"The first thing we need to do is keep Face calm and surround him with as much love and support as we can." Maggie paused and put her hands sternly on her hips. "And then we pray that Hannibal drags his stubborn butt back here before it's too late."

The two of them headed up the stairs and towards Face's room. "What's going on?" B.A. asked from the living room couch where he sat watching football.

"Face is below the atmosphere again," Murdock replied.

"Huh? Cut the crazy jibber-jabber, man!"

"I think what Murdock is trying to say is that Face is under the weather," Maggie explained. "Am I right?"

Murdock grinned and nodded. Sobering up, he filled B.A. in on what was going on as all three continued up another flight of stairs and toward the master bedroom.

B.A. shook his head in frustration. "It ain't right, man. He been through enough."

"I've never seen a case like this before with so many ups and downs," Maggie said as they rounded the corner. "I know it has been like a roller coaster for me...I can only imagine what poor Face is going through."

The scream that came out of the bedroom indicated that it wasn't time to get off the ride yet.

Hannibal had had a fitful night and still no plan. The only thing he knew was that he needed to know how Face was doing and that calling would not help him to achieve that goal. The back of the house, where Face's bedroom was, had tall trees that gave good cover. Hannibal decided on surveillance while he was thinking of a plan to reunite with his team. He got to the place unnoticed and climbed up to a position where he had a perfect view to the room but unfortunately he could not understand what was spoken. He settled in, waiting for some inspiration. BA was sitting in a chair while Face was apparently asleep. After a little while he had to witness how the wound got cleaned.

He felt so stupid for being out here watching. Why had he run if he could not stay away from them, especially from Face, anyway? He longed to be in the room providing comfort but didn't know what to say if he just went back inside. When they were done and he saw Murdock getting on the bed next to Face a stab of guilt hit him. Face looked so innocent snuggling close to the other man to draw as much comfort as possible from the contact. Just what had he thought denying Face those things he craved so much when he was sick. What had gotten in his mind to let him think Face could heal physically when he treated him like this? The kid looked pale and thin and definitely not better than the day before. And then Murdock touched his forehead and he could see the frown. When Murdock left the room he had his plan.

Hannibal climbed down from the tree and was under Face's window in seconds. The room was located over the storage area and kitchen, he checked but nobody was in sight. The rain pipe looked strong enough to support him along with some other things embedded in the wall that he could use to climb up. It took him a very short time to reach the open window and quietly climb in. Even from there he could see how flushed Face was and hear the shallow breathing. His stupid behavior had caused the kid to relapse. Face was so out of it that he had not even noticed him entering the room. He stepped closer to the bed and laid a hand on Face's shoulder.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14:

"Face."

Face's eyes flew open and he scrambled away from Hannibal and fell of the bed, screaming when his foot made contact with the floor.

"Face, kid, calm down, it's me Hannibal. I'm sorry I startled you."

The closer Hannibal came, the further Face tried to get away, eyes wide and full of fear.

"Không có, không có. Để lại tôi một mình." Face was screaming in Vietnamese 'No, no, leave me alone.'

"Tôi sẽ không nói." 'I won't tell.'

At that moment Maggie BA and Murdock entered the room which caused Face to scramble into the corner, all the while screaming. Murdock inched his way closer, talking to Face.

"Face, calm down. You are fine, we aren't there anymore, it's over."

Hannibal was standing away from the rest. 'So here we have another one of Colonel Smith's famous hair-brained plans. And look who is paying the price.' Maybe it was better he just got out of there again. BA seemed to have read his mind and growled into his direction, "Don't even think of moving one finger, sucker." Before he too inched his way towards Face in order to catch him should he bolt.

Face kept shouting, " Để lại tôi một mình. Tôi sẽ không nói." 'Leave me alone. I won't say.'

Finally Murdock was close enough to lay a hand on Face's knee, trying to calm him. Instead Face went wild, screaming and kicking. BA had to move in and help Murdock to hold him down to keep him from hurting himself.

"Những con hoang. Cầm lấy những bàn tay của các bạn của tôi." 'Bastards, take your hands of me.'

Maggie saw no other way out than to sedate him. When Face spotted the needle he tried to shrink away, eyes wide in horror. His voice became quiet and desperate.

"Xin, không." 'Please, don't,' he repeated over and over again until the sedative kicked in and he went limp.

Murdock held him close to his body and still talked to him soothingly "I'm here for you Face. I'm so sorry…so, so sorry." Murdock was rocking with Face in his arms, more to calm and reassure himself than Face. They all knew just what memories Face was reliving.

BA on the other hand jumped up in furry and advanced on Hannibal who stood rooted to the spot. "What did you do to him sucker? You wanna kill him? Hasn't he suffered enough?" By now he had him up against the wall but Hannibal did not even try to defend himself. BA pushed him away in disgust and attended to the other two team members.

"Let go of him fool. All is right. Let's get him back on the bed for Maggie to have a look."

When Maggie was done she reported, "His fever is up again. 104 as it was at first. His heartbeat is way too fast, blood pressure is high and breathing shallow. I don't know if it's a reaction to the sedative or his sickness, but I can't give him any drugs until I'm sure. We can't do anything but wait."

Nobody said a word as they waited. Eventually Face's body calmed, the pulse and blood pressure went to normal heights. The fever and shallow breathing stayed and he slipped into a restless sleep full of unwanted memories. Murdock once again curled up beside him.

"Murdock, make sure he's not curled up into you too tight, his fever will not drop if you keep him warm."

BA turned and scowled at Hannibal. He didn't need to say anything. "I startled him when I came inside, I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, you should be. That's what happens if people climb in through the window. Coulda used the door. You always so fond of using the front door unless it comes to your emotions."

"I didn't know what to say to you guys if I had come in but I also wanted to be close to Face… to all of you."

"You would hafta admit that you're one crazy idiot. Now you hafta admit that you're one crazy idiot that climbs through the window. Didn't achieve anything more than sending the Faceman back to Vietnam."

When Hannibal didn't respond BA went on, "I really don't know why Face was that crushed when you left. Let's go, those two fools need some rest."

"I want to stay with him."

"And do what? Right now he doesn't even know you came back and there is time for him to find out when his mind is able to cope with the news."

"BA is right, John. I'll call you when he's up. And John, don't even think of leaving this boy again or I'll personally hunt you to the end of the world just to kick your stubborn butt."

"Don't worry Maggie, lesson learned. Never again, I swear."

"You better swear it to him, not us. And make sure you save that lesson on your hard disk up there and play it every day first thing in the morning and last thing before you sleep so you won't forget ever."

Face didn't know where he was at first, only that he felt incredibly ill. He was too weak even to open his eyes, so he left them shut and tried to remember what had happened. The last thing he could recall was talking to Murdock about Hannibal and then it all became fuzzy. He groaned as a spasm of pain shot through his foot.

Murdock heard Face groan; it was the first sign of life from the fever-stricken man in hours. "Face…can you hear me?"

"M…M..Murdock?"

"Yeah, it's me buddy." Murdock grasped Face's trembling hands.

"Wha…what happened? Everybody okay?"

'Everybody but you,' Murdock thought. "Everything is just fine, Face. You just had a rough couple of hours is all."

It started to come back to him and he began to tremble. "Nam…it was so real…so scared."

"Just a flashback, Facey. It's all over."

Face's eyes flew open and he looked at Murdock terrified. "I…I…didn't hurt anybody, did I?"

"No," he reassured. "No…just yourself. Maggie gave you something to help you sleep."

Face swallowed hard and shut his eyes again. "That would explain why I feel so sick." Another pain shot up his leg. "My foot…hurts…bad," he gasped.

"Just try to breathe through it…it will be okay."

It took a couple of minutes before Face could talk again. "My foot…what did Maggie say?" The fact that it just wouldn't seem to heal had been troubling him for days. "Is it…is it ever going to get better?"

Murdock knitted his brow at the question…he was beginning to wonder that himself. Before he had a chance to answer, however, Maggie entered the room.

"Face!" she smiled brightly. "I'm glad to see that my favorite patient is awake."

"I'm not sure Face is too glad about that. His foot is really bothering him," Murdock informed her.

"Let me have a little look, okay? How are you feeling otherwise?" she asked while pulling on a pair of sterile gloves.

"Peachy," he smiled, trying to mask his discomfort. He remembered Hannibal saying how tired Maggie was…tired from caring for him. And that led to another question. "Any word from Hannibal?"

Maggie shot Murdock a subtle look as if to say, 'You answer this one.'

"Not yet," Murdock said gently, making a game time decision. "But we expect to real soon. B.A. is out looking for him as we speak." He hoped he had done the right thing, but he figured it was best to handle one task at a time. Little did Face know that B.A. wasn't looking _for_ Hannibal, he was looking _at_ Hannibal…and making sure he stayed put until they decided the time was right.

Face hid his disappointment and nodded. Murdock practically laid on top of his body to hold him down as Maggie inspected his foot. When she was done, she explained the next step.

"I want to insert a tube drain that will help remove any pus and fluid that accumulates. It's a relatively easy procedure and shouldn't take more than ten minutes." Maggie could see the fear in Face and knew what he was thinking. "I know it seems like your foot isn't getting any better, but I have every reason to believe it will. In fact, it was getting better until you landed on it some hours back. So, don't worry."

Face smiled his thanks as Maggie continued. "I'm just going to cut a small incision next to the wound and feed the tube inside. You ready?"

He was far from ready, but decided it best to just get it over with. Face gripped the overhead bed rail with his arms tightly as Murdock held his foot steady. The incision made him gasp, but it was the tube insertion and subsequent maneuvering into the correct place that literally took his breath away. A strangled cry escaped from his throat. His back arched and his head flew back as he struggled against the fiery pain.

Face was muttering incoherently by the time Maggie was securing the device in place with surgical tape. Murdock had moved up by his head and was wiping at the sweat on his brow. "Hannibal," he moaned, tossing his head from side to side. "Hannibal…where are you?"

"I'm here kid; right here." Hannibal came running into the room bound straight for Face, grasping his hand as soon as he could reach it.

Only about half a second behind him came BA, taking in the scene and decided best to stop his chase. He looked at Maggie and Murdock "Sorry, as soon as we heard Face's cry there was no way I coulda held him back."

By now Hannibal had slid on the bed cradling Face in his arms.

"Don't worry big guy, seems we would have come for him now anyway."

"Han'bal…here…didn't take you. Didn't talk."

"Ssh kid. It's alright. Everyone's safe. We are not in the camps anymore. Ssh." Hannibal was rocking him gently.

"Hurts"

"I know kid, I know. It will be better soon. Relax, I'm here now and not going away again, ever."

Face gave in to the exhaustion and fell into a restless sleep. Hannibal was still holding him and tears were streaming down his face "I'm sorry kid; so sorry."

Hannibal's gaze fell on the drain. "But you were keeping the wound open with that glove."

"It's a very deep wound in an area with lots of nerves. The glove is keeping the wound open allowing it to heal from inside to outside and allowing me to clean it. But it's not draining the puss and anytime he steps on that foot the fresh tissue inside the wound will get small tearing where the puss enters. It then closes and I won't get it when I wash the wound next. And at the rate he is jumping on that foot…. The longer this infection stays in place or even spreads the higher the risk for permanent or at least long lasting nerve damage in the area."

"Are you saying he could suffer permanent pain in that foot?"

"If we don't get a grip on this infection anytime soon it's a possibility."

"But the antibiotics? They were working."

"It's just a medicine to help healing. If a patient has given up hope, medicine can't do much."

"But…oh god kid, what have I done."

Maggie, Murdock and BA gathered together at one side of the room, giving the two men on the bed a little space without leaving them alone.

"I don't think I'll ever understand the Faceman. Hannibal is hurting him with words and actions, repeatedly, and the fool still cries for him, even in his subconscious. You three can all bunk together at the VA. Will also make it easier for me to find you at all times without keeping track of movie sets and scammed places."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15:

Face woke to a strange feeling. 'I'm not laying down anymore, I'm leaning against something, warm, breathing, a body, this scent….Hannibal, he's back. Sure, it's his house, probably needed a change of clothes. That doesn't explain why he is holding me. He's really back, giving me another chance. I have to prove to him that I'm worth sticking around for. Okay, Peck, get a grip on it, it worked before, you are not sick you don't feel any pain….doesn't work. Anyway, it's not me I have to convince.' He slowly opened his eyes, blinking to see if the image of Hannibal would change, but it stayed.

"Hannibal."

"Hey there kid. How are you feeling?"

Face flashed a huge fake grin. "I'm fine, really much better than at the time you left."

Three groans in unison could be heard from the other side of the room.

"Kid, I thought we were through with this. How do you really feel?"

Face's smile faltered; they weren't going to buy it. But the fear of rejection was still too great for him to come completely clean. "Tired," he relented.

"And?" Murdock prodded.

"Hot."

"And?" B.A. demanded.

"Little lightheaded."

"I guess it's my turn," Maggie said. "And?"

"And…and…and nothing," he said defensively pushing away from Hannibal and forcing himself upward to prove his point. "I told you I was…" His vision went from color to black & white to pure snow. The last thing he heard before passing out into Hannibal's waiting arms was a quartet of voices finishing his statement. "Fine."

The next time he woke it was to the sound of his own screaming. Hannibal was straddled over him trying to keep him still while Murdock and B.A. were on either side of the bed to keep them both from falling off.

His body went limp as he realized where he was.

"You with us now, kid?" Hannibal asked, afraid to let go just yet.

Face nodded. "Yeah." He was breathing hard and covered in sweat. Not to mention that his heart was beating like a race horse.

Hannibal backed off slowly careful not to jostle his injured foot. "Wanna talk about it?"

Face shook his head 'no'. And there was no way they wanted to hear about it.

"You sure?" Hannibal asked.

"It might make you feel better, Muchacho."

Face was torn.

On one hand he felt like they were trying so hard to help him and he was letting them down by not really letting them in. If he let them in, however, he ran the risk of them learning too much about the real him and bolting like all the others had before him.

And on the other hand he was starting to feel smothered and ganged up upon.

"Yeah…it ain't good to keep all that junk bottled up."

B.A.'s statement struck a nerve in Face. "What isn't good is having the woman you love leave you and your friends making light of the entire situation." The words flew out of his mouth before he had a chance to hold them back. He put his hand over his mouth as if to stop himself from saying anything more.

An awkward silence filled the room; Face had spoken what everybody had been thinking. The elephant in the room had finally been revealed.

The adrenaline rush from the nightmare was gone, leaving Face sick and in pain. "I'm s…s…sorry," Face stuttered.

"Nothing to be sorry for, kid."

"But we apologized."

"Yeah BA, we apologized but sometimes an apology can't heal all wounds. It takes time, trust has been destroyed and needs to build up fresh. Trust me, I learned that much in the last few days. Though it was just a slip I'm happy you addressed it Face. When we apologized you waved it off as nothing but it's still eating at you. You haven't let your anger out. As BA said, you keep it bottled up and the bottle will flow over at a point."

Face had gone pale, had he just spoiled his next chance to get the team back together as it was? They would sure leave him if he kept accusing them.

"Really, I'm sorry, shouldn't have said that. BA's right, you already apologized, let it rest."

"No Face, don't do that. You have to share your feelings about things. Shared sorrow is half the sorrow, that's what Dr. Richter keeps telling me. Goes for shared anger too."

Maggie saw that no one was yelling at her patient this time and Murdock and BA were here to keep John in check should he go wild again. She slipped from the room giving the team some privacy.

"I'm not angry. I'm….I don't know what I am. I was angry now I'm…. I think….confused would describe it."

Murdock shrugged "Goes for shared confusion too. Go for it."

"What should I tell you? I haven't even sorted it out in my head."

"That's just what we are telling you. We don't want a plan or a solution to the problem, even not a complete problem statement. You are usually good at rambling on about any topic. Just tell us what you feel. What's so confusing to you?"

"I…I…everything…I…I don't know how to put it."

An awkward silence descended over the room. Face didn't know what to say, or rather was afraid to say the wrong thing and drive them away for good. He had accused them enough. Telling them he didn't really trust them to stick around anymore would probably not do him any good.

After a while Hannibal decided to break the silence and change the topic, somehow at least. "But that was not what this nightmare was about."

"Technically it wasn't even a nightmare, rather a daymare."

"Oh, he's right. What time is it? I'm a little hungry." He wasn't really. In fact, he doubted he could eat anything but really didn't want to share his dream.

"Murdock, you are not helping here. Come on kid, share your dream with us. It will make it all easier on you."

"Yeah man, shared by four it will be easier to carry. My mama always told me to share when I had a nightmare and it's true, you'll feel better afterwards."

"Listen guys, it's really not important." Face felt his hands start to shake and he shoved them under the blanket to hide it.

"Humor us, Face," Hannibal encouraged. "Was it about Nam?"

Face didn't want to let the team down again so he took a deep breath, exhaled and began. "I was back in the orphanage playing ball with the other kids in the street. It was my turn at bat and I hit a long shot…right into Father Rick's car window. All the kids ran away, but I went over to the car to see the damage I had done." Face stopped and looked up, hoping they would think that was the end of it. No such luck.

"That can't be the end of it, Faceman. Not after the way you was screamin'."

Face looked down at his lap. "Father Rick came out and he was beyond mad. He dragged me inside by my hair and into his office. Then he…um…got out his cane. Let's just say he didn't use it for walking."

"Oh, Face," Murdock sighed.

"He kept yelling at me, 'Templeton, I told you that you were no good' and 'Templeton, you must pay for your sins'. Only, it wasn't his voice…it was Leslie's. He slapped me hard across the cheek and when my head snapped back, he was gone and she was in his place."

Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. sat mesmerized as Face told his story. There was a distant look in his eyes and they knew something bad was about to come. But nothing could have prepared them for what was to come.

"Only we weren't at the orphanage anymore…we were in the camps. Leslie began yelling at me in Vietnamese that I was worthless and that she never really loved me. Only it wasn't her voice anymore…it was…" He stopped and looked up at them, fear and horror written all over his face. "Please, don't make me tell you," he pleaded in a cracked voice.

Hannibal leaned forward in his seat and placed his hands on top of Face's trembling ones. "Go ahead, son. It's okay."

Face shook his head. It wasn't okay, but he had already gone too far. "It wasn't her voice, he repeated looking back down." "It was yours. The three of you wrestled me to the ground and…and…" All the color drained from his face as he thought back. His heart started beating faster and faster. "And…well you know what happened to me back then. Only this time it was you."

Hannibal pulled away from Face in horror and Murdock and B.A. looked away. Their body language said it all; they were repulsed by him. 'I didn't want to tell you,' he thought. 'Why did you make me tell you?'

It was too much for Face to take; his heart felt like it was going to explode. He was hot…so hot. He needed some air; needed to get away from them.

BA balled his fists and Face ducked lower preparing for the blow that never came. Instead BA turned and stormed out of the room. Murdock had his palms pressed against the sides of his head as if to keep bad images out.

Hannibal looked here and there between his captain and lieutenant and decided that the one closer to danger at the moment was Murdock.

"Captain." He raised his hand to lay it on Murdock's shoulder but as soon as he made contact Murdock run out of the room in a mad dash. Hannibal followed after him.

'You drove them away for good this time. How could you have been so stupid? You have enough experience with sharing your dreams and what it leads to. No one wants to keep such a nutcase around. And this one even included them. It was just plain stupid to tell the truth. Some con man you are. This whole sharing may work with normal nightmares about monsters in the wardrobe but not in my case. It's too damn hot in here.'

Face had never felt so entirely alone and so hot at the same time. He was still wearing nothing but his boxers so removing anything was not an option, he looked around and saw the open window. 'The window, outside is cooler.' He carefully slid of the bed and crawled more than walked over to the window, pulling himself up and savoring the cool air. He had avoided putting any weight on his foot, having learned from earlier experience. The air helped clear some of the fog on his mind. Suddenly the idea of them being somewhere in the house, possibly coming back into this room was too much. 'How can I ever face them again? Better get away now.'

Hannibal was gone from the room for only moments but it seemed like ages. He stayed out just for long enough to find Murdock and yell for BA to take care of him. Then he went running back to Face's bed room not wanting to leave him alone for longer than absolutely necessary. When he entered the room Face was sat at the window still, his bad leg already outside and preparing to swing the good one over. Hannibal sprinted to the window and pulled him back inside.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16:

"Where do you think you are going? We aren't on the ground floor and to my knowledge you can't fly."

Face was pale and shaking like a leaf while sweating profusely. Hannibal made to pull him into a bear hug but stopped short and pulled back.

'See what you did idiot? Now he's so disgusted by you he'll never touch you again.'

"Kid, is it…I mean….are you okay if I…if I touch you?" Hannibal didn't know what to do with the situation at hand.

Face was confused too. "You still want to touch me?"

"Only if it's okay with you. If I cause you any mental hurt I'll keep my distance. This dream was pretty strong tobacco, no wonder you fought more than ever against me holding you down and it was so hard to get you out of it. Oh, kid, I'm so sorry."

"You are sorry? Why? You didn't do anything." the confusion was evident in his voice.

"I'm sorry you had to go through this dream after all the things you already went through. Now, can I hug you? I need to feel that you are here and in one piece."

"You…you aren't disgusted?"

Hannibal didn't wait for the okay and just pulled Face in his arms.

As soon as his head was resting on Hannibal's shoulder he started to sob. He couldn't hold back anymore, the emotional rollercoaster of the last days was just too much. After some minutes when he was capable of forming words between sobs he started talking. "I'm sorry."

"Ssh, Stop saying that already."

"I…I should never…have told you. This sharing….it doesn't work. Now you are all hurting."

"Yes, we are all hurting right now that shows you that the sharing works. Your pain was more than enough for four; I don't know how you kept this inside for even a minute."

"But I don't feel better. I hurt all of you."

"That's what friends are for. You'll see, between the four of us we'll be over this real fast. Just…I need one promise from you. Promise you'll tell us if you are uncomfortable with us being physically close to you."

Face nodded unable to speak.

"Now let's get you back to bed and then I'll get Maggie, you're burning hot."

When Face was settled Hannibal went to the door. "I'll just be a second. Don't you move."

Hannibal found Maggie in the kitchen bandaging BA's hand.

"What happened?"

"1:0 for the wall I put ma fist through." A little quieter he added, "ain't right for the Faceman to have to go through all of this."

"Maggie, he's burning hot, you better check on him."

"You guys can keep a whole hospital busy, let alone one doctor. Take over for me here," she said handing Hannibal the roll of bandages.

He looked from B.A. to Murdock who sat hugging his knees in the corner of the room rocking back and forth slightly. "Tell Face I'll be up there in a few minutes," Hannibal said. He had wanted to go right back up with her, but he had two other men to care for as well.

Hannibal secured B.A.'s bandage with a couple of clips. "You alright?"

"Yeah…nothin's broken," B.A. answered, though he could tell from the expression on the colonel's face that he was referring to more than just his injury.

Hannibal looked the sergeant straight in the eye. "And are you okay about what just happened with Face?"

B.A. looked away. "I ain't never gonna be okay with that."

"It isn't Face's fault, B.A. He can't control his dreams."

"It ain't that, man. I didn't know he had it bad at the orphanage like that. A little kid don't deserve that. Face didn't deserve that," he grumbled.

Hannibal tried to get the picture of a young Face out of his mind. "No, he certainly didn't. He didn't deserve much of what has happened in his life."

"Murdock is takin' what happened pretty hard. I ain't seen him like this in a long time."

Hannibal directed his attention on the pilot. He had stopped rocking and was now just staring at the wall. "He'll be okay…he is already starting to come out of it. Sometimes the memories become too much for him and he needs to escape inside his head for a while."

Right after they returned from Vietnam, Murdock would have these kind of episodes quite frequently. The smallest things could trigger them and render him incapacitated for hours. The team learned that the best thing they could do was give him space and wait it out. As the years passed and some of the memories faded, so did the rate and length of recurrence.

"Sometimes I forget that Murdock really has problems and I think he's fakin' it. And then something like this happens…," B.A. said, his voice trailing off.

Hannibal chuckled, "Sometimes he does fake it…just to get under your skin."

"Yeah, you probably right, man. I just wish this was one of those times."

There was a crash and a woman's scream. "John! I need you up here…now!"

Hannibal raced up to the room closely followed by BA. Before they reached it they heard Face shout, "No, leave me, I'm not going with you! He'll come back…he promised!"

When they entered they found Maggie on the floor and Face backing away into the far corner of the room, eyes wide and obviously seeing things that were not there. His vision seemed to come back before his mind.

"Who are you?" He was obviously scared. "Where's Earl, where's Sister Mary?"

Just a moment later his mind caught on, "Hannibal, BA….oh no, Maggie, did I hurt you?" He rushed forward.

"Easy there, I'm fine. Make sure you don't hurt yourself. You took quite a fall from the bed."

Now that the adrenalin rush was over Face sat on the floor, shaking from exhaustion. BA went over to help him up and back into the bed while Hannibal whispered to Maggie "What happened?"

"He was dozing when I came in. I must have startled him when I came close to take his temperature. He pushed me hard and I fell over taking the lamp with me. He scrambled backwards fell from the bed and continued 'till his back was at the wall, all the time saying he won't come with me and he'll be back."

By now Face was back on the bed looking quite miserable.

"I'm sorry Maggie…I didn't mean to."

"I know, no problem, nothing happened."

Looking around Face added "not quite nothing. That lamp's having a hard time with me."

"Face, who's Earl and Sister Mary?" Hannibal didn't want to end up in small talk about lamps if there was something more bothering Face.

"Hm, oh…nobody important, just some people I knew in the past."

"Didn't sound like nothin' important. That woman tried to take you somewhere you didn't wanna go?" BA was sensing another childhood problem."

"Hm? No, no really. Sister Mary was one of the very kind nuns at the orphanage."

"So your dream was about the orphanage? Who's Earl then?"

"Wasn't a dream, I wasn't even sleeping."

"You are the only one I know who is out of his mind with fever and still trying to con his way out of answering questions." Maggie was somewhere between frustrated and amazed.

"Come on ,kid, tell us the whole story already."

"Nothing much to tell. Earl was one of my foster fathers and Sister Mary came to take me back to the orphanage."

"That ain't the whole story, Faceman."

Sensing that they would only think something bad had happened to him he relented. "I was about seven and I really liked them. Especially Earl. One day he took me to a park and we played ball. After some time he told me to wait by a bench, he was going to make a call. 'I will only be a second,' he said. That was the last time I saw him. He had called the orphanage to come and pick me up. Sister Mary came and, as I just demonstrated, I didn't wanna go. Later I learned he didn't want to take me back but his wife had told him either me or her. She needed sleep and couldn't get it if I kept her up with my nightmares. That's all. I haven't thought of them in years; dunno why it came up now."

Maggie pushed a thermometer in his mouth and the room fell silent. Nobody knew what to say but all had a good idea why those memories were surfacing now.

"104.5, I'm going to give you Tylenol to get it down. John, unwrap that IV port for me while I get it ready."

"Here we go. BA… John, you know your tasks." They held Face to keep him from hurting himself. Although it was not an injection the whole thing looked suspiciously like a syringe and Face had his problems to keep still.

"My arm feels all wet."

"Ah crap, nothing is going inside again. The port is spoiled. Now what?" Maggie was looking at the others trying to come to a decision.

"You are drinking and eating so the IV isn't really necessary. But the antibiotics and other meds are going in through it as well and you have at least three days of it left, meaning nine injections with just the antibiotics. I think it will be easier on you if we set up a new one."

One look at his pale face and the case was clear. Neither of it seemed an option to him. So, no IV port unless he was sedated, which meant an injection, which meant a fight. Or spike his water, but he would taste it. She had to trick him.

"Anyway, Tylenol first. Maybe we can try the pill form." Maggie made as if to walk over and reach for her med bag, but instead slipped Hannibal a syringe containing the sedative.

Hannibal understood immediately what Maggie had in mind. And he had enough experience with knocking B.A. out over the years to know just how to do it. Not that it made it any easier.

He waited for Maggie to distract Face with the pills and a glass of water. As Face was handing the glass back to her, Hannibal pulled out the needle and as quickly as possible stuck it into his arm.

Face's eyes went wide. "No," he moaned before slumping over to the side.

B.A. ran over and repositioned Face on the bed so he was laying straight. "Damn…he went out fast. It's weird bein' on the other side…I ain't so sure I like it."

"Remember that next time we have to fly," Hannibal said. "Now you know how we feel."

Maggie set up a new IV and took advantage of Face's unconscious state to examine his foot as well. "Looks good…the drain seems to be doing the trick."

B.A. looked confused. "Then why does he still have a fever?"

"His body is in overdrive fighting to get him well. I know it seems odd that just as his foot gets better Face feels worse, but it really is normal," Maggie explained. "Plus, it seems as if he has a lot of suppressed memories rising to the surface…and unpleasant ones at that. That isn't helping maters any."

Hannibal was stroking Face's hair. "I'm sorry, kid," Hannibal said softly. "Forgive me." He felt guilty for tricking him. He also felt guilty in advance for how miserable Face was sure to feel as a result of the sedative.

BA chuckled at the picture. "Now I have a mental image of how you sit in the plane with me like this."

Sure enough, Face was violently ill upon waking. His fever had dropped, which was a positive, but for Face everything else seemed negative. Everything except that his three friends were by his side…even after he had revealed the truth about his awful dream and parts of his childhood. He couldn't understand why they hadn't run yet; he seemed to be lucky for once.

He took a good look at each of them. Hannibal looked in charge, even though Maggie really was. He sat in a chair at his bedside holding his hand. The colonel didn't like waiting, he wanted action but he sat there with him instead of doing other things. Murdock sat at the other side, his eyes still revealed some of the horror he remembered; horror he, Face, had brought back to him. He felt terrible for doing this to Murdock. He considered Murdock his best friend. He had come back to the room while he was out of it but his chair was a bit removed from the bed and he didn't touch him. BA sat next to Murdock, his trademark scowl in place, one hand resting on Face's thigh. That's when Face spotted the bandage.

"BA, did I hurt you?"

"Maybe in your dreams. You ain't strong enough to hurt BA Baracus." A bit sheepishly he added, "You might want to do some renovations before you return this house to the owner." Hannibal had been able to stop BA from putting his fist through some more walls, but he had still destroyed some items while venting his anger over the fact a seven year old could have nightmares and nobody would help.

Face felt weak; the ordeal of the last days had sapped all his energy. Even turning from one side to the other seemed like too much effort. All he could do was lay there thinking, and thinking he didn't want to do. It brought up a lot of open questions, the most important being how much had he hurt the team with revealing his awful dream and whether things would ever be the same as before. He was glad when Maggie finally broke the silence.

"Face, are you up to eating something?"

He shook his head "No, don't think I can keep anything down right now. I'm not hungry either."

"Okay, but drink a cup of water and then I want you to sleep. It's been a hard day on all of us and on you more than the rest. Bedtime gentlemen, give my patient some space."

Murdock was the first to get up, stretching as he did so. "Bedtime sounds good." With that Murdock left the room.

'I so regret having told them, it's hard on Murdock. First chance he got he was out of here. And while he's the touchy one of all of them he didn't even make any physical contact with me.'

"I'll go to bed too. You can't hurt BA Baracus but you sure got him tired."

"I'll stay. Here's your water kid." Hannibal helped Face drink some water. By the time they finished the door to the room opened again. In Came Murdock in brightly colored Snoopy pajamas.

Face could not sleep without apologizing to his friend and was glad he had come back. "Murdock I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

"Stop talking already and push over."

"Face just looked at him, not getting what he wanted.

"What? Come on, give me some space, I'm tired. This house doesn't have enough bedrooms…we have to share." And Murdock carefully slid on the bed and pulled Face into his side. He happily snuggled close and was asleep in seconds.

Face slept straight through the night without a single bad dream and started feeling better for the first time in what felt like ages.

Shortly after breakfast, which even Face managed to keep down, Maggie examined her patient while the rest of the team cleaned up. "I think it is time to remove this drain….everything seems to be healing up nicely. You'll be up and running before you know it."

"I'd settle for being up and hobbling at this point," Face joked, with a genuine smile.

"It's nice to see those pearly whites again, Face." Though she had eyes for Hannibal, Face's smile always melted her heart.

"I was beginning to think I forgot how." His smile faded and he asked, "so how much is it going to hurt this time?"

"Considering what you have been through already, it shouldn't be that bad. The good news is that it comes out faster than it goes in. However, the foot is a sensitive area and you probably will experience some pain as I pull it out. I could inject you with some lidocaine if you'd like?"

Face rapidly shook his head. "No…no more needles…please."

Maggie smiled her understanding. "Feeling a bit like a pin cushion?"

"Yeah…you could say that. Anymore holes in me and I could qualify as a piece of Swiss cheese."

Maggie laughed and began to spread out her tools. Hannibal walked into the room just as Maggie was about to begin.

"You want me to go?" he asked. Ever since Face had revealed his dream, Hannibal wanted to make sure he cleared everything with his lieutenant before acting on it.

"You can stay," Face answered.

"John, as I was telling Face, this shouldn't take long. Try to distract him, will ya?"

"Yeah, colonel. Tell me one of your famous stories," Face smirked. "That should be painful enough to take my mind off of things."

"Smart ass," Hannibal teased.

The two men talked as Maggie went about her job removing the tape that secured the drain. As she slowly began to pull, however, Face stopped mid-sentence, gasped and reached out for something to hold onto. That something was Hannibal.

Hannibal held Face's hands and felt the pain transferring through them. "Just breathe," he encouraged.

"It's almost out," Maggie announced, pausing to allow Face a minute to brace himself. "Ready?"

"Yeah," he said with bated breath.

Maggie began to tug again and Face stiffened as he felt it run against his tender skin. She gave it one final tug and it slid out. "Done. All I have to do now is clean the cavity with a little disinfectant solution."

Hannibal felt Face's fingers dig into his palms in anticipation. "It's okay, kid. This is the end," he soothed.

Face had turned red from the strain of trying to keep quiet. Finally, as Maggie poured the liquid into the wound, he grunted loudly and let out a string of expletives.

The whole thing took just under five minutes. And it took Face a few additional minutes to get his bearings and his voice back. "Sorry about that," he blushed, looking at Maggie.

Maggie waved him off. "I was glad to hear it. It is a sign that your strength is coming back."

"I didn't know you still had it in you, kid," Hannibal ribbed.

"Me neither. I'll have to say a few extra Hail Mary's tonight."

Hannibal could see that even though Face was talking a good game, the last few minutes had taken a lot out of him. "You doing alright?"

"Uh-huh." Face yawned, battling to stay awake. "I'm tired of sleeping, but I'm just really tired."

"Don't fight it. Listen to your body…it needs the rest." Face was asleep before Hannibal finished his statement. "Sleep tight, son."


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17:

"You promised something you won't be able to keep, John. I'm sure we have to clean this wound again tomorrow."

"But you said the drain had worked."

"It did, but remember I didn't want to put one in the beginning. The glove is still in keeping it open and I really don't want to risk it starting all over again. But depending on how it looks without the drain, tomorrow may be the last one."

Face woke about two hours later and Hannibal was still by his side. He was feeling better, the fever had not come back and the pain was also more bearable now that the pressure of the drain was gone. But something was still bothering him.

"Hannibal?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"I…there's something I don't understand."

"Out with it already kid."

"Why…why did you come back?"

"Why?"

"I mean, I have a lot of experience with people leaving me but they never came back. Why did you?"

"I never left you kid. I…"

"Did you just come back to pick something up and felt you needed to stay because I was in the middle of a nightmare when you came in." His voice became quiet, "are you really going to stay?"

Hannibal took both of Face's hands in his, "If you would let me finish. I said I never left you, I didn't want to cause more harm and felt it would be better I left until you are healed. Quite stupid but it made sense at the time, for about two hours anyway. Then I only wanted to be close to you and know how you were doing. That's why I camped out in the trees the next morning."

"You what?"

"You were not in a nightmare when I came in, I caused it."

"What, but …how?"

"You don't remember. When I came in the room that was the second time. I first came through the window causing you to think you were back in the camps and yelling in Vietnamese. Maggie had to finally sedate you. I'm sorry."

Face listened to the story and was suspicious. "Why are you telling me such things? I don't remember, besides I can't remember much of my Vietnamese when I'm awake, let alone when I sleep. And come on, you coming in through the window, in your own house?"

"It's true. I was so upset that I caused you yet more pain that I climbed the tree to have a good view of your room. Wouldn't do that if I didn't plan to stick around."

"You the master of all front door tactics came in through the window?" Face could not believe it.

Maggie, who was just coming in, had heard the last part. "It's true Face, that's just what you do to him."

Face smiled, he was now convinced that his team would stick with him. "It's nothing compared to what you do to him. I haven't seen Hannibal stick to one woman for that long."

"He's obviously getting better." Hannibal's voice was a mixture of relief and playful sarcasm.

"John, don't try to change the topic, go on Face."

"Ah, you know before I became the ladies man of the team…"

"Maggie, don't you think your patient needs more rest? Maybe we should sedate this smart- ass brat again."

There was no need to sedate Face as he naturally drifted off on his own a short time later. This time when he came around all three of his teammates were with him. Face smiled at the sight: Murdock reading a comic book, B.A. reading a car magazine, and Hannibal thumbing through a military strategy book. Their choices of reading material suited each of them to a tee.

Face cleared his throat to get their attention. "Hey guys."

"Ah, sleeping beauty has awoken," Murdock joked.

"I'm sure I look anything but beautiful at the moment. I haven't showered or shaved in days."

B.A. rolled his eyes. "Faceman is whinin'…never thought I'd be happy to hear it, but it means you gettin' better."

Face looked hopefully at Hannibal. "Better enough to take a shower?"

Hannibal shook his head. "Not yet, Face. Besides, you don't smell too bad. A little ripe, but I've smelled worse."

Face turned bright red in embarrassment. "Gee thanks! Can I at least go to the bathroom and clean up a bit?"

"Fair enough," Hannibal answered. "But one of us is going with you."

Face nodded his agreement and was surprised when it was B.A. who volunteered.

"I'll take him," B.A. said. Without waiting for a response he helped Face off the bed. B.A. had been feeling helpless watching his friend over the past week. Anything he could do to help at this point he wanted to do.

It was slow going. Face couldn't put any weight on his bad foot and the other one felt weak and shaky. Once they reached their destination, he helped Face inside and asked, "You gonna be okay by yourself?"

"I'll be fine. I've been potty trained for over a quarter of a century...I think I can manage," he teased.

"First you whinin' and now you gettin' all sarcastic on me," B.A. grumbled. "Yeah, you definitely feelin' better."

B.A. stood outside the door as Face did his business. A few minutes passed before he heard his name being called. He opened the door to find Face sitting on the closed toilet seat. "You okay?"

"Yeah, just a bit winded. This is the most action I've seen in days," he replied breathlessly.

"Just sit there a minute until you feel ready."

Face looked at B.A.'s bandaged hand and asked, "How'd you get that?"

B.A. furrowed his brow. "You mean you don't remember?"

"No. I've been so out of my head that much of the past week is kinda fuzzy." B.A. took a deep breath but didn't speak. "What, did Billy bite you or something?" Face smiled.

"Nah...it wasn't nothin' like that."

"Then what?" Face's stomach dropped as the thought occurred to him. "I didn't do it, did I?"

"You didn't bite me, Faceman," B.A. chuckled trying to avoid the topic.

"But did I do something else? Please B.A...I need to know."

There was something in Face's voice that resonated with him and convinced B.A. that he had to tell his friend something. "It was the day Hannibal came back. You was havin' a nightmare and it made me mad."

"I...I...I'm sorry," Face stuttered.

B.A. quickly interrupted him. "No...I wasn't mad at you. But when you said we was rapin' you I kinda lost it." The words were out of his mouth before B.A. had a chance to think about what he was saying.

Face looked horrified. "Wha...what?"

And then the memories came flooding back at once as if B.A.'s words had unlocked a door in his mind. He felt the urge to run away, but in his weakened condition his body wouldn't even allow him to stand up. Instead his mind did the running for him and kicked into overdrive. Flashes of the dream mixed in with flashes of real events from his past filled his head and made him dizzy. He put his head down into his hands and closed his eyes to stop the torrent of memories, but they just kept coming.

"Hey...hey!" B.A. said anxiously, kneeling next to Face. "I'm sorry, man. I didn't mean to upset you." But Face couldn't hear him; he couldn't hear anything but the voices in his head. B.A. knew he had to do something, so he stood and pulled the tortured man into a tight embrace. "It's okay. I gotcha'...ain't nobody gonna hurt you no more."

B.A. kept talking softly to Face until he felt the body in his arms relax and followed by a mumbled, "Don't feel so good again."

For the second time that week B.A. lifted Face into his arms and carried him back to bed.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18:

The others had just started to wonder what was taking them so long when BA used his back to push open the bedroom door and carry a very weak Face inside. His eyes were closed, he couldn't stand to see their faces right then. His mind was still playing tricks on him.

The moment BA lowered him to the bed he turned on his stomach and buried his head in the pillow. The images didn't want to go. He had hurt his team. He remembered Murdock running from the room, Hannibal pulling back instead of embracing him and BA balling his fists. And he remembered pushing Maggie to the ground…her scream. It was all mixed with images from his dream and from the camps and he started to silently sob into the pillow. His own team was holding him down, strong hands pressing his already abused body into the smelling floor of the interrogation hut. Then they were gone replaced by the VC who really did it. The images changed faster and faster, his team wrestling him down, holding him down, the VC doing it, someone's pulling down his pants. He cried harder and although no sound comes out his shoulders shake.

Hannibal saw Face crying and turned a questioning look at BA.

BA was stroking a hand over his Mohawk feeling really terrible. "He asked me where the bandage came from. He had forgotten all about his awful dream and I told him."

"Oh no, kid, come here." Hannibal reached out to touch Face's shoulder.

Face didn't hear anything of what was said around him. He was fully concentrated on the voices in his head, taunting him, laughing at him. Murdock's voice… BA's voice…Hannibal's…the VC. All of them were repeating the words of Father Rick: 'Templeton I told you, you are no good' and 'You have to pay for your sins'. And then Hannibal's voice repeating, 'Once a screw up, always a screw up' all while he was being raped by different people. Just when they pushed him down again and the next one was getting ready, putting a hand on his shoulder to steady himself, Face felt how the others removed their hands. Nothing was holding him down now but this hand on his shoulder.

The moment Hannibal's hand rested on Face's shoulder to give him support all hell broke loose. Face turned at lightning speed, jumped off the bed with fists balled and beat into Hannibal with all his might. He was weak and Hannibal could have knocked him out without much effort only this was Face and he couldn't do that. All he could do was try to block the blows.

Face saw the VC who was about to rape him. This man was especially mean and always hurt him the most of all. He was also the one who never stopped, even when it was clear that the prisoner was broken. He enjoyed giving out pain. For a moment he saw Hannibal but knew it was only the drugs they were injecting him with; they were playing tricks with his mind. He knew they would wrestle him down any moment and he was going to pay, but right now all that mattered was to get in as many good blows as possible.

It took BA a while to get into a position to grab Face from the back and render him immobile. He was fast and changing positions as if his foot did not give him any problems at all. Eventually though, BA had him and pulled him of Hannibal. Face continued fighting kicking and screaming like a wild animal.

Maggie came close with a syringe but the moment Face saw it, it was all too much for his mind to work out and he went limp in BA's arms. BA picked him up and placed him on the bed but held him close to his chest for a while. His heart was hammering in his chest threatening to come out any moment.

Maggie took account. Murdock was huddled in one corner rocking himself forth and back; Hannibal was sitting on the floor wiping blood from his lips; BA's nose was bleeding where Face's skull had connected while he was fighting against his grip. And Face was out once more.

She decided to check on Face first. His fists had abrasions from the fight when they had connected with the rough fabric of Hannibal's shirt. His foot was an angry red from the jumping and out-maneuvering he had done. He was going to be in loads pain when he woke up. But there was nothing she could do for him now.

She turned to BA, gave him a wad of tissue and told him to lay his head back until the bleeding stopped then she turned her attention to Hannibal. His left eye was going to be black for sure. His jaw was already starting to swell and his lip was split. His forearms were covered in bruises from blocking the blows that had rained down on him.

Face woke up disoriented and to the sight of Maggie cleaning the cut on Hannibal's lip, Murdock rocking and BA trying to stop the bleeding from his nose. And then the memories hit him.

"My God, what have I done?" he asked wrapping his arms protectively around himself.

Hannibal gently pushed Maggie away and took a tentative step toward the bed and distressed occupant. Holding up his hands in front of him in a 'I come in no harm' pose, he said, "It's okay, Face. It's not your fault. Everybody is okay."

Face wasn't buying it. "No…no…no. Look at you…at all of you. I did this to you."

B.A. got up and stood next to Hannibal in a similar stance. "Just some bumps and bruises, man. It ain't your fault."

Face looked to Murdock. "Stop saying it's not my fault…I did this." His voice shook with raw emotion. "And look at Murdock; that's a bit more than some bruises. I…I…have to get out of here." He moved to sit up, but was stopped by Maggie who came running over and put a hand on each shoulder to keep him down.

"Oh no you don't, young man."

"But don't you see," he pleaded. "I'm a freaking basket case. If I stay I might really hurt one of you next time."

Hannibal walked over to the foot of the bed. "You are not a basket case, Face. You have been very sick."

"Yeah…sick in the head," Face countered. "I don't know why any of you bother with me."

"Because I love you, Face," Hannibal responded without hesitation.

"Me too, man," B.A. added.

"Me three," Murdock said from the corner, still rocking slightly. "This isn't your fault…started a long time ago for me."

Face felt a lump forming in his throat and tears welling up in his eyes. After what he had just put them through, they were still here and they were telling him that they loved him. "I…I…love you guys too. But it still isn't safe for me to be here." Again he tried to sit up.

"Stay still, Face," Maggie scolded tenderly. "You aggravated your foot injury pretty severely. I'm afraid it has gone beyond my scope of capabilities at this point. I put a call into my doctor friend who lent me the x-ray machine and he is on his way. One of his specialties is soft tissue damage and I'd feel much better if he gave you a look."

Face was in no position to argue; he could see how swollen the entire bottom half of his leg looked. Not to mention, that he could feel it. "Okay. But I don't deserve anybody's help."

"No Face," Hannibal corrected. "What you don't deserve are the awful memories that have decided to surface. What you do deserve is love and a family to give it to you."

Face looked confused, so B.A. took it upon himself to fill him in as only B.A. could. "That's us fool."

The moment was interrupted as Maggie's friend, Mark, arrived. It only took him a few minutes to determine the next course of action. "He really needs to be in a hospital where we could perform surgery to open and drain the infected areas and remove any dead tissue that may be found within the wound."

"That's not really an option, Mark," Maggie explained.

"No worries," Mark smiled at the four anxious men in the room. "I am well aware of who you are and your secret is safe with me."

"Can you perform the operation here?" Maggie questioned.

"It looks like that may be our only choice. The infection has been lingering too long for my liking. You have done a wonderful job of controlling it, but if we wait any longer, it may lead to Sepsis."

"Sep-what?" B.A. asked.

"Sepsis...also known as blood poisoning," Mark explained. "The sooner I go in, the better. But I'll need a few things from my office."

B.A. took Murdock, who was pretty much back to himself, and they set off to get the necessary supplies. Hannibal sat next to Face on the bed while Mark explained the grueling procedure that was to come.

Mark drew a picture of a foot to show Face where he was going to cut and explained how he was going to remove all dead tissue by cutting it away and removing the remaining infection by draining it out. He suspected the problem to come from the second wound, close to the bone, so he had to go in deep.

Face was ghostly pale. "But…but Maggie already did that."

"Yes she opened up your wound and cleaned it, and it may actually have worked had you not put pressure on your foot before that inner wound got a chance to close properly. You pushed pus into small tearings in the soft tissue there. That's where the problem is."

"But the antibiotics…"

"…can fight the infection but your body has been through a lot and is not able to get rid of the dead tissue itself so the infection is still lingering. Now let's get you and that room prepared. I want it as sterile as it can get."

"But, no wait, you can't know that from just looking at it, it's getting better, I swear."

"Face, let the doctor do his job. You see your leg, it doesn't look better."

"Only because of what I did, if it calms down it will be okay."

"It won't. Now stop fighting kid."

In the mean time Maggie and Mark exchanged medical terms about what had been given to him, how he reacted on certain meds and what needs to be done.

"But…Hannibal…he can't put me under."

"Why, you wanna watch and learn for later use."

"No, of course not. I mean look at what I just did. If he puts me under I might hurt one of you in my sleep."

"Face, this cannot be done without sedating you. You will be so out of it and afterwards so weak that you can't put up much of a fight. You'll be fine."

"Then at least…at least tie me down."

"You can't seriously want that. We are here and this time we are prepared. Nothing will happen, trust me."

Mark came over with an IV bag. "Let's get some fluids into you while we prepare the room. Why is your IV port wrapped up like this? And what happened to the other arm?"

Maggie jumped to Face's aid sensing his discomfort about needles coming through and the fact that he was embarrassed to tell Mark. "That's the third one. He ripped one out when he was out of it and the other one got spoiled. We didn't want to risk it happening again. I'm running out of good spots to set them up." There was time to fill him in on the truth when Face couldn't listen.

"But I can drink water."

"Not now before surgery, especially since your stomach doesn't go well with sedatives as I was told. And the more liquid we get into you the better you'll feel when this is all over."

BA and Murdock returned and all unnecessary things were taken from the room. It was left with only the bed and a table. In addition a big table was brought in to place Face on during surgery. The bed could not be sterilized and it was easier for the tall doctor to work on a patient on a table. When they were done and the room was as sterile as possible Mark turned to the group gathering around the bed. "Everybody out now. We'll prepare our patient and get the surgery done. We'll inform you as soon as it's over."

Hannibal made to leave the bed where he was still sitting with a distressed Face, but Face had a death grip on his hand and was pleading with his eyes for Hannibal to stay. "I'm staying," he announced.

Maggie could see that the only way to get Hannibal out of the room would be to drug him as well, so she said, "Mark, we could use a third set of hands."

"Perhaps you are right. Okay, go wash your hands as thoroughly as possible," he directed Hannibal. As soon as he returned, Mark turned to his patient. "I'm going to place a mask over your mouth and nose. I want you to take some deep breaths for me. You should start to feel sleepy and relaxed. Once you do we will establish the IV and get started. Okay?"

Face nodded his consent and Hannibal held his hand as the mask was positioned. Face's eyelids began to grow heavy and soon they remained shut.

"Face, can you hear me," Maggie asked. No response. "I'll start the IV."

"Maggie, I want you to monitor his vitals. I'm keeping the level of sedation as low as I can to keep him comfortable without risking complications from his weakened condition. We are using a general anesthetic that he is inhaling through the mask…it is easier to control than one that is given intravenously."

"What can I do?" Hannibal asked.

Mark pointed to the instruments that were laid out neatly on the table. "You can hand me my tools as I need them…are you squeamish at all?" Hannibal shook his head 'no'. "Good, then you can help wipe up the blood so I can better see the area I am working on."

The surgery started out well. The doctor had to remove more dead tissue than anticipated, but he had seen worse cases before. There was a pocket of pus that had gathered right next to the bone. Just as he was preparing to incise and drain it, Maggie interrupted in a panicked voice.

"Mark, something's wrong. His pressure is dropping."

"What is it?"

"It was holding at 110/70…but now it's down to 70/45 and dropping."

"Damn," he cursed, putting down the scalpel. "Keep pressure on the wound for a minute," he directed Hannibal while making his way over next to Maggie. "We have to gradually decrease the level of anesthetic and hope his pressure rises." He began to fiddle with the controls.

"But, you are in the middle of surgery, what if he comes to?" Maggie asked as she took another reading. "65/40."

"The hospital is equipped for this sort of thing…here it is our only option. I was hoping to keep him sedated for a short time after the surgery as well to help with pain management." He moved back into position and resumed where he left off. "Now I just hope what is in him lasts until I finish. Once he is conscious, I'm afraid we won't be able to give him anything more than Tylenol; anything stronger could counteract with the high dose of antibiotics we will be feeding through his IV."

Sure enough, as the amount of anesthesia went down, Face's pressure did the opposite and climbed back upward toward normal. Mark was working as swiftly as humanly possible. As a low moan came from the patient on the table, however, it appeared as if it wasn't going to be fast enough.

"He's coming to…how much longer?" Maggie questioned, her own pressure beginning to rise.

"I'm just about to close him up…it won't be…" Mark stopped, moved in closer to Face's foot for a better look and exclaimed, "Damn!"

Hannibal had stayed silent up until this point, but now it just came out of his mouth. "What…what is it?"

"I think I just found the cause of that last pocket and the reason why Face's foot hasn't been healing. A piece of debris has embedded itself into the bone. "Hand me those tweezers. I'm going to see if I can dislodge the material without doing more damage to the bone."

Another moan…this one longer and louder.

Mark got the tweezers around the material hoping to pull it out before Face came around fully. However, as soon as he tugged at it Face's eyes flew open and he let out a scream of pain, trying to pull his leg away.

"Hannibal, hold his leg for me."

The material had not budged at all. When Mark tried to loosen it a bit by moving the tweezers up and down Face almost jumped of the table and he let go of the tweezers to avoid hurting him more. It took all three of them to hold him down and Hannibal shouted for BA and Murdock.

After a while Face stopped thrashing around and Mark decided to try again. He picked up a new pair of tweezers and pulled. Face let out a terrible scream of pain and jerked upwards.

"This isn't working. We have to tie him to the table."

"No, not when he's awake. He's been tied to a table and tortured. It will drive him insane if we do that." Murdock did not even want to hear about it.

"We have no choice here, Murdock, that debris has to come out. He can die from sepsis. He will know his friends are around." Mark was talking while getting the restraints ready; there was no way around it.

"That's just cruel." Murdock hated doing this to this best friend.

Hannibal tried to talk to Face while helping to hold him on the table. He explained everything without a clue whether or not Face even heard him.

Face was coherent enough to know that they were hurting him. He also knew it was his friends doing it. Had they not said they loved him? There was something else…a memory…they had raped him. Oh no, it was happening again.

"No, stop, please. Not again, please." An unfamiliar man came into his vision holding a strap, saying something; Face saw the lips moving but did not understand the words. He secured the strap over his chest. 'No, no this can't be. They can't tie me down. No.' Face started thrashing but was soon strapped tight to the table. His upper body and arms were completely immobile and he felt strong hands holding his legs. 'No, no, go away from me, don't hurt me again, please.' All he was able to say was "No."

All the remaining team members were fighting their tears while they held Face's legs in place. They couldn't be secured well with straps on the makeshift table. Unfortunately it also meant nobody could stay up by Face's head to talk him through this since Maggie was assisting Mark and all others were needed to keep him steady. Hannibal prayed that Face would pass out soon from the pain but no such luck. Mark pulled again, moving the tweezers here and there.

Face's head was tossing from side to side, his face a mask of pain. He just felt pain without being able to place which part of his lower body was on fire. It seemed the pain was all over, consuming him. He knew his team was doing this to him and it made everything worse. They didn't even care enough to appear in his line of vision, he could only feel them hurting him.

"Stop" By now he was sobbing, the cries becoming less as his strength sapped away.

"Maggie, how's his pressure."

"Bit low, but steady."

"This material is locked tight, I can't get it out. Hand me a pliers Maggie, I really don't want to drill it out."

Face's mind was bringing up pictures of Vietnam…of being tortured…a knife cutting into his foot and leg while he was tied down like now. But his subconscious told him 'You are not in Nam, not in the camps. This is your friends torturing you.'

Mark needed a few more tries before the material budged and finally he was able to get it out. He cleaned everything and closed the wound. By the time he was stitching, Face was reduced to a shaking and whimpering mess. They had only seen him like this in the camps and even then only after a really nasty session of interrogation and only when he was back in the cage and allowed himself to break down.

As soon as they dared they removed the straps. Hannibal went up to Face's head and stroked his hair all the time murmuring "I'm sorry kid, so sorry. Everything will be fine." BA and Murdock were at either side of the table rubbing Face's arms and just being there for him. He opened his eyes and hurt and betrayal showed, but most of all sadness. He just looked at them. "Why?" was all he could say before his eyes rolled back into his head and exhaustion send him into a deep sleep.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19:

Mark angrily tossed his gloves into the trashcan. He hated this; hated to inflict pain to the young man he had taken an immediate liking to and knowing he would be in a world of pain when he woke up and there was nothing he could do but wait. He also hoped that the wound would stay clean and without further infection. Bringing BA and Murdock back to the room had done nothing to help their effort to keep it as sterile as possible.

"You can move him over to the bed now; better get that table out of his sight before he wakes up. He's going to be in extreme pain with nothing but Tylenol to get a little relief. What he needs most now is support and love. He doesn't have the strength to deal with any mental problems at the moment. That will be the job for the three of you. I can stay up to the morning , but then I have to go back and will only come over to see him from time to time. I'll be honest with you, he's going to be sick for quite some time to come."

BA gathered him up and carried him over to the bed. They made him as comfortable as possible, the little word 'why' going round in their minds.

Maggie was the first to speak. "One thing I don't understand is how this debris got inside, there was only the puncture wound from the tooth and nothing could be seen on the x ray."

Mark got back to the object he had removed, it wasn't big, a triangle shape about 3 mm long and wide. He had no idea what it was. "I'll get this to the lab, see what it is."

He did so and within 30 minutes made the call.

"What are they saying?" Hannibal was anxious to find out.

"It's a piece of metal, broken at the end. The pointed tip of something. I was thinking it was probably in there for years but never caused trouble . Now, the infection close by from the tooth, and maybe the tooth self aggravated it, it came to life and finally started making trouble. It couldn't be seen on the x-ray because the tooth was blocking the sight on it. Was he ever hurt with a knife or something?"

"Not that I remember."

"No, Hannibal, remember when he was thrown back in our cage with knife wounds all over his feet and lower legs?"

"Yeah, BA's right. That was in the camps, some were really deep gashes. Bastards liked to inflict the most pain possible and a knife to the bone definitely did the job. Though he never complained about a particular wound hurting more than the rest. There were several of them still infected by the time we escaped and he was treated for a while, but he had so many other wounds at that time that his feet were a minor problem."

"That could be it. We can ask him when he's coherent enough."

"What's next, doc?"

"We'll keep him on strong antibiotics for at least a weak. The drain can come out in I think two to three days, depending how it heals. And then we just have to wait and see."

The figure on the bed started to moan.

Fear filled their hearts as they had no clue as to what state of mind Face would be in when he woke up. Would he know where he was? Would he think they were the enemy? Would he even know who he was?

Face didn't make them wait long. Pain-filled eyes opened and blinked as they adjusted to the light. He could see shapes and colors, but everything was swirled together in a dizzying mess. "When are you going to start?" he asked faintly.

They all breathed a simultaneous sigh of relief…he didn't remember! Now the hope was that he never would; some things were best left forgotten forever.

Hannibal practically jumped over to Face's side. Not sure if he should touch him yet, he leaned over and said. "It's already over, kid. The surgery went well and the doctor found the cause of the problem."

"Good," Face slurred.

Maggie came up next to Hannibal. "How are you feeling?"

"You really don't want to know," he groaned.

The initial fuzziness from waking up was wearing off and now the pain was hitting him full force. His breathing accelerated as did the spinning of the room around him. Hannibal recognized the signs and reached for the bucket. Face dry heaved for a few minutes as there was nothing much in his system to come up. Hannibal rubbed Face's back and spoke to him calmly, reassuring him that he was going to be okay. As the attack subsided, Face lay back and closed his eyes.

Maggie, Murdock and B.A., who had migrated to the far corner of the room allowing Face as much privacy as they could, gathered back around their friend. He was shaking and was gritting his teeth against the pain. "I…I…don't think…I…can…can…do this," he gasped out.

"We're going to be with you every step of the way, Face," Hannibal said. "You can get through this."

"Hurts…too…much."

"You tough, Faceman. Tougher than any of us…you can do this," B.A. asserted.

Tears were streaming out of the corners of his shut eyelids. "Don't…don't…know if I want to…to do this…anymore. Tired…so tired…of pain."

"Face, Mark had to probe quite deep and remove something that was imbedded in your bone. That is why it hurts so badly." Her hope was that if he could get his mind around the source of his agony, he could accept it and weather the storm.

"Not…not…just my foot. Whole life…so much pain…hurts…better off…better off…"

"Don't you say it, Facey," Murdock cried.

"Sorry, Mur…Murdock. But…you…better off…without…me…too."

Hannibal grabbed Face's hand and said firmly, "look at me, Face." When he didn't comply, Hannibal tried again. "I said open your eyes, Lieutenant, and look at me."

Face heard the order and recognized the no nonsense tone in his colonel's voice. He opened his eyes, but instead of seeing the hardened eyes of a military man giving a command, he saw the concerned and caring eyes of the man he considered his father.

"That's it, Face. None of us would be better off without you…and we don't plan on letting go of you anytime soon. We need you. I need you, son." A single sob escaped Face's throat after Hannibal called him son. He swallowed hard and bit at his lip to try and control his emotions as Hannibal continued. "Now when the pain gets too much you just squeeze my hand as hard as you want."

B.A. jumped in, "and when Hannibal's hands get tired, I'll take my rings off and you can use mine."

"Th…thanks. S..s…sorry…it's just the d…drugs…have…me…kinda…"

"Crazy?" Murdock smiled, trying to put on a brave front. "That's my gig…you get one of your own."

Face began to chuckle until another shooting pain travelled through his leg and seemed to permeate his entire being. His body shook as he clutched Hannibal's hands with all his might.

Hannibal's hands ached after just a couple of minutes of enduring Face's grip, but he was more than willing to endure the strain. After all, that's what fathers did for their sons.

BA wanted to leave the room and hit something. It was all so unfair. Face should not have to endure such pain. But he knew Face needed him now and he had to keep his anger under control. He removed his rings and put one of his hands over Hannibal and Face's hand. Although Face was too far gone to remove his grip on Hannibal's hand he at least wanted to be there for him too. He would take the pain from his friend if possible.

Murdock meanwhile rubbed Face's good leg, signaling he was there too.

When the wave of pain ebbed away a little, Mark, who had stayed in the background so far, came forward to the bed and laid a hand on his shoulder. Face was so exhausted he was panting with his eyes closed. "He's in great pain now and will be for some time. I can see that the four of you are very close. The best thing for him now is to know you care and love him. Let him feel your love, pamper him a bit until he is better. That helps more than any medicine can. I can't do anything for him at the moment, so I'm leaving now. I'll be back tomorrow to check on him. Maggie, you can give him the maximal dose of Tylenol but if somehow possible try to cut it down. He has enough crap in his system as it is and it doesn't help a great deal for this kind of pain anyway."

"Thanks Mark. We owe you."

"Don't even mention it. I'm glad I could help." Truth was Maggie could well look after him from this point on, but he just wanted to come back the next day and see for himself. From the little Maggie had told him about her patient and the glimpses he had got he knew the young man had been through enough. He wanted to make sure that he didn't suffer any additional pain again and if he could do something he was more than willing to come as often as possible.

"He'll probably not get much sleep tonight but the pain should be bearable tomorrow morning. Just make sure he doesn't thrash around in pain and jostle his leg."

Hannibal thought there was not much to worry about. By now Face was so weak he would probably not be able to move around much. And all of them would be here by his side to hold him through the waves of pain.

Just as Mark had closed the door another wave hit him. He clung to BA and Hannibal while Murdock bathed his forehead, all three murmuring encouraging words to him. It went on like this with waves of pain and breaks of exhausted panting until the next wave hit. Tears were leaking out of his eyes and he was getting weaker and weaker but his grip on his friends remained strong. Hannibal turned pleading eyes on Maggie.

"Sorry John, there's nothing I can do to make it easier on him. You saw what happened with the anesthetics. I can't risk anything."

"But it should be getting better, not worse." Murdock felt helpless.

"Sorry, it's going to get worse. The antibiotics Mark put him on are strong and will probably make him sick even more often. It will also make him weak but with your help he will pull through. We only have to get him through today and tonight. When the pain gets manageable we can concentrate to get him through the effects of the antibiotics. It'll be okay." She stroked Face's hair wanting to do more for him.

The day lingered on with little change; Face labored through his agony while the others provided him with as much support and comfort as they could.

Maggie excused herself at midday using the excuse that she had some errands to run. The truth was that she knew Face was a proud man and that her being there all the time was only adding to his discomfort. If he was going to get through this, he needed to feel free to scream or cry when the urge hit him, and not keep his emotions bottled inside.

Before going she pulled Hannibal aside and said, "John, I'll be at Mark's office. There isn't anything I can do for Face that you three aren't doing better right now. But you call me the minute anything changes, you hear me?"

Hannibal pulled her into a hug. "Yes, ma'am." He whispered into her ear, "and thank you, Maggie. I don't know what I would do without you."

Maggie pulled back and looked into his blue eyes. "I don't plan on letting you find that out." With that she turned and exited the room as her heart continued to do somersaults.

The pain was so bad at times that Face thought he might lose it. It would start at his foot and radiate upward until his whole body felt as if it were on fire. It would stay at that intense level for a few minutes until it died down, only to flare up a few brief moments later. But it was during those down moments, he would feel dizzy and nauseous. There was no relief, only agony, and it was taking a toll on his already fragile state of mind.

"B.A., knock me out...please," he begged.

B.A. heard the desperate tone in Face's voice and was tempted...so very tempted...to give into his request. But logic prevailed and he answered softly, "I can't do that, Faceman. I can't hurt you anymore."

"But...I...just...need...a break."

"I know you do, buddy," Murdock chimed in trying to spare the big guy. "But a head injury in addition to your other problems would only make matters worse."

"If...if ...I could...only sleep," he murmured miserably. But the sleep wouldn't come as he hurt too much for his body to relax. Exhaustion would eventually take over and allow him to rest, but it didn't look like that was coming anytime soon. "Talk...talk...to me," he said.

"About what?" Hannibal asked, wiping a tear from Face's cheek.

"Any...anything...just...keep...talking."

They took turns talking to their fallen friend. They talked about their childhoods; they talked about the good times they shared together; they talked about some of the crazier missions they had accomplished over the years. They laughed, and at one point or another, they all cried.

And finally Face drifted off and fell into a deep sleep. It wasn't long before the other's followed suit.

Soon after the sun set, Face awoke with a start. Something was wrong. He felt as if he were being smothered. He was sweltering and covered in sweat. If possible, the pain had gotten worse. He glimpsed down at his injured leg and was terrified by what he saw. From toe to mid thigh, it was grossly swollen and discolored.

"Hannibal," he struggled to get out. "Wake up...Hannibal."

Hannibal had been asleep in a chair next to Face's bed. The moment he opened his eyes he could tell there was a problem. Face was deathly pale and covered in sweat.

"My...my leg," Face muttered through his fevered haze.

Hannibal directed his gaze toward the foot of the bed and the sight almost stopped his heart.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20:

"I'm going to call Maggie." Hannibal was out of the door in seconds. He was scared by what he saw and couldn't even encourage the kid. He didn't want to lose any time.

"Mark, I need Maggie back here now, or you, or better both, his leg…"

"Hannibal, calm down. Maggie is listening. Tell us exactly what happened."

"He was asleep and then he woke me up. His leg is badly swollen and discolored up to mid thigh."

"Has his temperature risen? Does the area feel more hot than the rest of him? Is he panting worse than before? What's his heart rate?"

The questions came to fast. "I don't know. I only looked at him and raced off to the phone."

"Okay, stay calm. Go back to the room, disconnect the antibiotics drip, take his temperature, breath rate and heart rate and check how the leg feels to the touch. Then come back to the phone. In the mean time we will pack anything that could be of use and be ready to come over."

Hannibal raced back to do as he was told.

"Mark, what do you think?"

"Well, with his luck I would say sepsis, but it's rather unlikely. I removed all dead tissue and puss and the herd of infection and he did not have a sepsis at that time. Now we did not do the surgery under anything that can remotely be called sterile conditions which increases the risk and his body is weakened too. But still, I doubt it's possible. Or let's say I pray it's not."

"Then what? Bad reaction to the antibiotics?"

"Possibly, especially with his history with drugs. From what you have in your file he reacts badly to almost everything and what I started him on is pretty strong tobacco but then his whole body should show signs, not only his leg. Although because of its already compromised state it would react the most."

"Then what?"

"I read about that shell and its poison. The limb where it stung is swollen and discolored…it sounds a lot like the reaction the poison would trigger."

"But he was stung several days ago, the poison should almost have left his body by now and not cause this reaction now."

"You are right Maggie, but what if there was a bag somewhere? If that piece of metal has really been there since Vietnam, it's likely that the body had built a capsule around it. That would also explain why it had not caused any trouble so far. Now if the tooth that went deep penetrated this capsule the poison would have been inside the capsule and would only have been released into his body when I cut it open. I only saw it when I was about to close him up, it could not be seen before I started cutting away the dead tissue, possibly I opened something up without noticing. The time span would fit, it's been several hours since surgery and the poison needs some time to work."

Before they could go on with their musings Hannibal was back at the phone.

"Temperature is 104.2, heart rate 96, and breath rate 40 per minute. The area doesn't feel any different than the rest. He's hot all over, he complains that he can't breathe well and feels hot like he's suffocating."

"Okay, draw blood, a good amount, and get it to the lab. I'm going to call them now. Try to cool him down, keep him conscious and watch his breathing. You can give him oxygen to help…we are on our way."

Next Mark called the lab. "Hi, remember that cone shell case some days ago? Yeah, we have a relapse. Someone is on his way with the blood now, I need you to test on the poison first and then on sepsis, but give me your results in between. I need it ASAP. Bye."

"Mark?"

"Might be either of the three or a combination of several of them or some whole different thing. My favorite is the poison."

"Why?"

"Because of the respiratory problems. It's not a symptom of sepsis and he has already shown this reaction to the poison."

They were on their way, packed with all kind of supplies.

Murdock and BA had woken from the commotion in the house. All three were now working together trying to help Face. His breathing was getting faster and faster and he complained he could not get enough air in. The oxygen mask Hannibal held over his nose and mouth helped some but not much.

As it became increasingly difficult for him to bear the pain and breathe he pushed the mask away. "My…leg. …Don't…allow….cut….it…off," he stuttered out between breaths.

"Don't worry kid. No one's gonna cut off your leg." He wanted to add the words 'You'll be fine' but they wouldn't come over his lips.

They were all gathered once again around Face's bed when the results came back from the lab. There was indeed some poison in his system. However, the amounts that were found were much lower than the previous week's readings.

"I don't understand it, Mark," Maggie said as they consulted in private. I had to intubate him a few days ago when the poison readings were so high. I would have thought his leg would have looked this bad if not worse at that point as well."

"Yeah, that has me troubled as well. Not to mention, that his breathing has improved since we arrived. Part of his difficulty is being caused by fear and pain. The poison, of course, isn't helping. But the levels aren't that great that it should have the effect it has been having. Plus, I'm surprised the swelling has travelled so high up his leg." He sighed and ran a hand through his curly brown hair. "I think I know what it may be...but I'll have to run some tests first."

Face still had the oxygen mask over his mouth, but he seemed to be tolerating the pain a bit better. 'Probably some of the numbing effects of the poison have kicked in…that is one small benefit,' Maggie thought as Mark prepared to tell the team what was about to happen.

"I think you may have something called compartment syndrome. Sometimes after a trauma, such as your recent surgery, swelling can occur in a compartment," he began to explain. "A compartment includes the muscle tissue, nerves and blood vessels. Fascia surrounds these structures…kind of like how insulation covers wires."

Mark could see the confusion on his audience's faces, but he continued on hoping they would understand at least part of it. "Now fascia, or thick layers of tissue, don't expand. As a result, swelling in a compartment can lead to increased pressure in that area that will press on those same muscles, blood vessels and nerves and block blood flow to the compartment. If left untreated, permanent injury may result." He purposely left out how in severe cases, amputation was often the result.

"How do we know if Face has this apartment syndrome thing?" Murdock asked.

"Compartment syndrome," Maggie corrected. "Mark is going to do a few tests."

"Normally I would have you move your toes up and down, but I don't want you aggravating your surgical wound. It appears from the swelling that the affected compartment is in the lower leg, directly above the area in which I had to extract the object from your bone. I'm going to apply some pressure to the area and you tell me if it hurts."

Face didn't have to say a word; as soon as Mark began to squeeze his entire body tensed and a groan could be heard from under the mask.

"In order to confirm the diagnosis, I need to measure the pressure in the compartment. To do this I insert a needle that is attached to a pressure meter directly into the compartment." Mark reached into a bag and pulled out a long, thick needle.

Face started breathing heavily again at the sight of the device. Hannibal could see his fear and immediately put a hand on his shoulder for reassurance. Maggie cleaned off a spot of skin with an alcohol wipe and held Face's leg steady.

"You ready?" Mark asked as he positioned the needle.

Every fiber of his being screamed 'no', but Face knew he had no choice. He nodded his head, grabbed Hannibal's hand, and looked away. To say it was uncomfortable would be a gross understatement, but it was over in under a minute.

"What's it say, doc?" B.A. asked, intrigued by the mechanics of the gadget.

"It confirms my suspicions," he replied, not looking happy to be right.

Face moved the mask from over his mouth. "Give…it…to me…straight. Will…I…lose my leg?"

"No…no…we're not near that point," Mark answered. "And when caught at this early stage, a full recovery is expected."

"What happens now?" Hannibal questioned.

"I perform an operation called a fasciotomy. I make an incision in the skin and remove a small area of the fascia where it will best relieve pressure." Mark pointed to the spot where he would cut and indicted a roughly two inch length incision. "The wound is left open and covered with a sterile dressing until the pressure is reduced, which can take hours or even a day or two. Then I go in and stitch you up. I wish we could wait until you are stronger, but I'm afraid time is of the essence. I'd like to prep you now and start within the hour."

"I'm being…sliced and diced…more than…a…salad," Face joked in an attempt to hide his sheer horror of what the doctor had just explained. He knew the others were feeling the same, and he wanted to help ease their minds as well.

They all smiled at his attempt of humor, but quickly sobered when Maggie said. "Face, hon, there is nothing we can do as far as pain relief. Between the poison and the antibiotics…"

Face held up a hand to stop her. "Used…to…pain…by now," he sputtered.

Face's statement and the matter of fact way in which it was delivered halted all activity in the room as the unfairness resonated with each of them. Nobody should ever have to get used to such a thing…and the truth was that Face had lived through it more than once.

Hannibal was stroking some hair out of Face's eyes and motioned for BA to take his earlier place, sitting on the bed. Maggie was just explaining how she was going to disinfect Face's leg and shave of all hair in the area surrounding the incision. Hannibal met her eyes and motioned he needed to talk to one of them in private.

"Face I'll try to be as gentle as possible. I know it will hurt you when I touch your leg but there's no way around it. You might want to hold on to BA now. Mark, John, can you bring in the table in the mean time so we can transfer him when I'm done here?"

Mark was busy arranging supplies that were needed for the surgery and didn't quite understand why Murdock was not the one asked to bring in the table but before he could say anything he met Maggie's eyes and understood.

"What is it, Hannibal?"

"You can't give him anything, not even a local anesthesia?"

Mark shook his head no.

"Would it help if you caused some quick extra pain, like pressing on the leg, so he passes out?"

"No sorry, I'm afraid his body has reached a level of accepting the pain where he won't likely pass out from it again. He'll eventually pass out from exhaustion but that can take a while. But it's really not that bad, it will be over within a few minutes. The incision is done in a few seconds and then the pain will die down in the following few minutes. Taking the pressure from his leg will lessen the pain he's now in considerably. He'll be afraid but once it's done he'll be okay."

"Earlier on he pleaded with BA to knock him out."

"That doesn't even come into consideration. Last thing he needs now is a head injury or concussion. The only thing you can do is try to distract him, so he wouldn't look. The anticipation of the pain is the worst part. Come on. Let's move that table inside, the sooner we get it behind us the better."

By the time they came back inside Face was clinging to BA who was holding his hands and at the same time tried to use his body to block Face's view of Maggie. Murdock was helping to hold his leg steady and trying to distract him with some banter.

"Face, I'm sorry we nicknamed you like that. Should have thought of all the implications. No wonder you got a problem with fascia. Just think of what could have happened if we had called you nose. Maybe you would have developed a trunk like an elephant."

For once BA didn't tell him to cut his crazy jibber jabber.

"Okay, all done. You did real good Face. Everybody out here now."

Face wanted to protest but Maggie stopped him. "Don't worry they'll all be with you. I only want them to wash their hands, put on gloves, scrubs and face masks. Then we'll transfer you over to the table and get started."

"Maggie, did you change the bandage on his foot yet? I don't want any bacteria from the drain near the operation site."

"I left the best part for you, thought you would like to look at it. I've put all the supplies on the tray over there."

"Help me in some sterile gloves and get the rest dressed, I'll join you in a minute."

He undressed the wound and examined the drain. There was almost no fluid. "Looks good Face. I'll dress it up now and then we can get started." Taking in his pale complexion he added, "I know you are scared right now but it will be better soon, you'll see."

They got ready and moved Face.

"I'm sorry we have to tie you down to the table again."

"Again? What do you mean again?"

Mark could kick himself, Face did not remember and there was no need to spark those memories now. "For the last surgery when you were sedated we fixed your leg so that it wouldn't jerk as a muscle reaction since we didn't want more people in the room to hold it. Now though you are up and I want your upper body restrained so we can concentrate on holding your legs steady." He hated to lie but it served the purpose for now.

Maggie disinfected the leg once more and covered his body in sterile green sheets, leaving only the bad leg uncovered.

"Maggie you assist and take special care of his pressure and respiration. BA, hold the other leg down, Hannibal you hold this one steady. Murdock you can move up to his head and talk to him. "The guys told me you like cooking, what will we have for supper today?"

While he still talked he had picked up the scalpel and as soon as Murdock started to mention several non-edible dishes he started cutting.

Face let out a heartbreaking scream, tears running out from under tightly closed eyelids. He had problems sucking in air and was covered in sweat but it was over in seconds.

"All done Face, just breath through the pain. You will feel better soon."

Hannibal had tears in his eyes as he undid the restraints and grasped Face's hands tightly.

"Hurts…..hurts so…bad. Make…it….stop. ….Please, …make it….stop."

Murdock and B.A. joined Hannibal in comforting Face as Maggie and Mark worked to finish up the procedure.

"Seeing that these are not the most sterile of conditions and we are dealing with an open wound, I think we need to disinfect the area," Mark said so only Maggie could hear. "Can you prepare a solution of one ounce iodine and one liter water?"

Maggie knew that this would only bring more pain to Face…perhaps worse than before, but that it must be done as a precaution to prevent infection. She wordlessly went about the task trying to block out what was happening at the head of the bed.

Face was still panting and shaking violently. In the midst of his suffering, however, it didn't escape him that the guys hadn't left him. In fact, one if not all of them, had been with him constantly for just about the last 48 hours. That was what was keeping him going. If they cared enough about him to stay, then he owed it to them to care enough about himself to be strong and get through this.

Mark drew the disinfectant solution into an irrigation syringe as Maggie went to explain what was happening. "Mark is going to clean out the incision. B.A. can you assist us down here and keep Face's legs still?" B.A. nodded and moved into position. "Hannibal and Murdock keep hold of Face's torso. This shouldn't take too long, but the process will have to be repeated a few times."

Mark held the syringe perpendicular to Face's leg, a couple of inches above the wound. "This is going to burn, I'm afraid. Okay…get ready…here we go." He pressed down on the plunger and a forceful stream of solution flooded the wound.

Hannibal and Murdock had to use all of their body weight to hold Face down. Even B.A. was finding it difficult to immobilize his legs as Face tried to kick away from the source of torture. Face screamed, but then bit down on his lower lip to hold it in.

Mark refilled the syringe and said, "hold him…here we go again,"

Murdock, fearing that Face would bite clear through his skin, reached for a towel and said, "Bite down on this, Face." Face did as told and clenched down hard as the burning liquid hit his open flesh again.

They could still hear his muffled screams through the fabric as the cleaning process was completed one last time. Gradually the severity of the pain lessened to where they could loosen their hold on him. He focused on taking deep breaths as a loose dressing was taped into place, but he started to feel extremely lightheaded. Spots appeared in front of his eyes and the faces of his teammates were going in and out of focus.

Hannibal could see that Face wasn't doing well. His color had gone gray, his skin was clammy and his eyes were unfocused and glassy. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Feel…kind…of…weird," he rasped.

Maggie heard the ongoing conversation and walked over to investigate. "What's up?" she asked.

"Face says he feels like he might pass out," Murdock said, placing a damp cloth on his forehead

Maggie took his blood pressure and called over to Mark who was still down by the injured limb. "Face's pressure has dropped and he's feeling faint." As if on cue, Face let out a moan and his body went limp. "Mark…he's out."

"He's in mild shock. He lost a fair amount of blood during the operation and it's just now starting to let up. Maggie, can you replace this dressing with a new one while I set up a new IV. If we can keep the bleeding under control and we pump some more fluids into him, he should be okay."

Hannibal was grateful that Face had finally passed out. Nobody should have to go through such pain. He felt helpless to sit by Face's side, watching him withering in pain and not able to do a single thing for him. Now that he was out his body could recover a bit and hopefully the pain would be bearable by the time he came to.

"All we can do now is wait. The swelling has to go down before I can stitch him up. I'll stay here until I'm sure he's getting better. I think he went through enough to have earned having two doctors permanently on his side." He added with a wink. "Anyway, Maggie and I are in charge and here are the rules: as long as this wound is open nobody comes to this room without a face mask scrubs and sterile gloves. Not more than two people in the room at all times, one of which will be Maggie or myself. He will not move his leg nor will it be moved. If necessary we tie him down, I don't care. I know he hates to be unable to fend for himself but you don't do him any favor if you allow him some slack here. His body is too weak to fight another infection. We'll keep him on the table for the time being, which is uncomfortable but far easier to clean and keep sterile than a bed. Any questions?"

There were none. It was clear without asking that Hannibal would be the one staying with Face so the other two said goodbye to their friend, Murdock by stroking some hair from his sweaty forehead and BA by squeezing his shoulder. When they went out Hannibal held BA back, "There's no way I'm leaving the kid's side. You are responsible for Murdock. This is bad for him, keep him sane and occupied, don't let him think too much."

"You got it, man. Take good care of him for us; we'll relieve you as soon as you say the word."

Face was out for quite long and the room was ghostly quiet. The only sound that could be heard was Face's still difficult breathing and the dripping of two IV bags, one with fluids and one with antibiotics. Eventually he started coming around. The first sign was a low moan. Instantly Mark was at his side. The next moan was accompanied by a slight movement of the head.

"Face, can you hear me? Don't move your leg." Usually he would allow the patient to wake up on his own without disturbance but he had to make sure Face would not aggravate his wounds.

Face's eyes fluttered open and his face turned into a mask of pain. It took a moment until he had his feelings under control and remembered where he was and what was going on. He felt Hannibal's hand wrapped around his own and met his eyes.

"Hey kid, feeling any better?"

"Doesn't hurt as much as before. Dizzy."

"Face, I want you to look at Hannibal and tell me where my hand is."

"Attached…to your…arm."

"Hannibal, one day you have to tell me how you can stand to be around this guy. Okay smart ass, any more witty comments or you can give me a correct location?"

"Sole…of my foot."

"Good. Now?"

"Toes"

"That's great."

They went on with every single toe and Face had no loss in feeling. Mark was pleased.

"Okay, how's the breathing?"

"Bit difficult…but not worse…than before."

"Good, it's the poison. It will let up soon. How's the overall feeling?"

"Weak…dizzy."

"That's to be expected. Tell us if anything changes and try to get some rest. I'll hang up a new IV bag, wouldn't want you to run dry."

After a short while Face started shifting uncomfortably.

"Face, kid, look at me. What's up?"

"Gonna…gonna be…"

He didn't need to finish the sentence; Hannibal reached for the bucket and held Face to the side as good as possible while Mark held his leg steady.

When he finished Hannibal eased him back down and Mark came to the top of the table to check his vitals. "Better get used to this. It's the antibiotics and you are on it for at least a week. I can see it takes a great toll on you but you are still within limits." He went to his supplies and returned with a cup with a clear liquid. "Drink this, it will help your stomach a little and neutralize the bile to protect your esophagus and throat when you throw up."

Face did as was told. "Yuck."

"I know," Mark chuckled, "it's Droperidol…better get used to the taste too."

Face drifted off to sleep a short while later.

"Mark, what would have happened if part of the poison was not withheld by the capsule around that broken knife tip?"

"Two full amounts of poison from the shell? He would most probably be dead by now."

Hannibal stroked Face's hair and not looking away from him whispered "I had never thought that those VC bastards would save his life one day."

"Night's almost over Hannibal. Try to get some rest while he sleeps. I'll hang up his breakfast and stay up to prevent him from falling of this table."

"No, you rest. You've done a lot for us. I'll not be able to rest anyway."

Hannibal didn't rest that night…the next morning…or the next afternoon. He stayed glued to Face's side as Mark and Maggie rotated shifts around him. He rubbed Face's back when he was vomiting, held his hand when the pain spiked, and talked to his lieutenant nonstop.

As the sky grew dark yet again, Face looked at Hannibal and saw his eyes starting to flutter. "Hannibal, why don't you take a break?"

Hannibal jerked awake. "I'm fine…I'm fine," he repeated.

"No you aren't…you're tired," Face argued.

Hannibal looked hurt. "I just want to be here for you, kid."

"And you have been…" Face stopped his sentence short as a pain shot through his leg and he instinctively reached for Hannibal.

"See what I mean?"

A few deep breaths later and Face continued, "You have been here for me and I can't tell you how much it means to me. But if you don't get some food and sleep, you are going to be in a bed next to me."

"I left you before…I promised you I wouldn't do it again."

"Taking a break would not be leaving me." He stretched his lips into his best con-man smile and with as much cheer as he could muster said, "And I'm feeling much better than before."

Maggie could see what Face was doing and that he could use a little help in convincing Hannibal to go. "John, Maybe Murdock or B.A. want to visit with Face for a while too."

Hannibal looked thoughtful. "I guess I have been a bit of a Face-hog."

Face fought down the nausea he felt building. "What can I say, I'm irresistible."

"Okay…you win." He stood up and headed for the door.

"Oh, John," Maggie called. "Send Mark back in and then maybe you and I can have dinner together."

Face forced a laugh. "See Hannibal, you get to have dinner with Maggie. I love it when a plan comes together."

Hannibal shook his head. "I do believe you're on the jazz, Face."


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21:

The moment Hannibal was out the door, Face closed his eyes exhausted from the act he just put on. Maggie came to his side and put a hand to his forehead. He felt warm, but nothing to be worried about.

"You can't con me Face…now how are you really feeling, Lieutenant?"

"M'okay," he mumbled.

"Face!" she exclaimed. "The truth."

"Like a have the worst hangover ever," he moaned and grabbed his stomach. "Times ten."

"Those antibiotics will do that to you every time," she sympathized. "How about your leg?"

"Still hurts a lot, but it's better than yesterday."

"Good, that's real good." Maggie wiped some sweat off of his brow. "You did the right thing; Hannibal needs some rest."

"I know. I just hope he doesn't take it wrong and think that I don't want him here." Face said, his eyes remaining shut as the nausea kept increasing.

"I'll talk to him. Now don't you worry about anybody but yourself." Maggie left the room as Mark made an entrance followed shortly by B.A.

B.A. didn't like how sick his friend looked. "How you doin', man?"

Face cracked his eyes open, but immediately clamped them shut as he was seeing B.A. in triplicate. "Better, B.A. Just feel a little queasy."

"If you feel like you gonna be sick, just tell me and I'll help you. I don't want you to move that leg."

"And speaking of that leg," Mark said. "Maggie told me that you said it was feeling better?"

Face nodded, the regretted the action as the bile rose to his throat. It settled back down and he said, "Yeah...better."

Mark carefully removed the dressing and smiled his approval. "The swelling has gone down significantly. I'd like to do another pressure reading and see what we're dealing with now."

B.A. talked to Face as Mark got himself set up. He talked about all the crazy things Murdock had done that day and how he was glad to now be with somebody who didn't expect him to walk his imaginary dog.

"Okay Face, I'm going to insert the needle now. Just breathe through it."

B.A. held both of Face's hands as the sharp instrument pierced the raw skin. "Just squeeze tight man," he encouraged, brown eyes locking with blue.

"Good...real good," Mark said. "First thing tomorrow morning I think we should go ahead and irrigate and stitch the wound closed."

"Irritate the wound...what you wanna do that for?" B.A. groused. "Thought you wanted it to get better."

Mark chuckled. "Irrigate...not irritate. It means to wash away debris and bacteria."

"Why don't you doctor people ever speak English?"

"Sorry. Sometimes we get carried away."

"Can you two discuss this later?" Face said breathlessly. "Right now I'm gonna..." He clamped a hand over his mouth as B.A. grabbed the bucket just in the nick of time.

Morning arrived without further incident and the room once again became a flurry of activity to prepare for what was hopefully to be the final surgical procedure.

While Maggie prepared Face, Mark explained the procedure. "First I'll wash the wound with a disinfectant, just as I did when I cut it open. Then I'll stitch the fascia close. I have to pull it tight together and set a lot of stitches to make sure it knits together without problems it's a strong and hard tissue and doesn't knit together as for example muscle. That will be the most painful part."

Face wanted to stop Mark from explaining; he didn't even want to know. But the others seemed very interested and he kept his mouth shut. He vividly remembered the pain from washing the wound last time. The more painful part was to stitch him close again, and with lots of stitches and pulling at the tissue. Great, he couldn't wait. How could he endure more pain, he had already reached his limit and was sure anything more would drive him nuts. Breathing became very difficult, there seemed to be no air left in the room.

Mark went on about how he was going to close the skin over the fascia but Face didn't hear him anymore. His blood was loud in his ears and he couldn't breathe.

"Face? Face, hon, can you hear me? Mark, he's having a panic attack. John, try to calm him."

He could hear voices around him but could not make out what they said. One voice was persistent and familiar though "Hann…bal"

"Calm down kid, you need to slow your breathing. Just calm down, you are alright."

"Can't …breathe."

"Just calm down , Face. You can breathe…there's nothing wrong. It's just a panic attack, you need to calm down."

Eventually he got some grip on his breathing but the fear was still there. "No more….please no more….pain ….can't …..take….more." He turned pleading eyes on Hannibal.

"Is okay kid, just breathe, you will be…you'll feel better soon. But the wound has to be closed; it can't stay open like this. We'll all be with you any step of the way. You're strong, you can do this." He had wanted to say 'you will be fine' but caught himself in the last moment, remembering how Face had complained earlier on.

"No, BA please…."

BA couldn't look him in the eye. It was so wrong for him to have to go through that but even if the doc would allow it he could never bring himself to knock Face out.

"Let's just hurry up and get it over with. We are all set here. The anticipation is driving him insane. Once it's over he can start to heal. With all the exhaustion it shouldn't take long for him to pass out from the pain." And I hope I'll never have to do anything like this again without anesthetics for the rest of my life, Mark mentally added.

Murdock got the towel ready and placed it in Face's mouth. The moment the solution hit his wound he bit down hard but his muffled groans could be heard. Tears were once again leaking from his eyes and Hannibal and BA had a hard time to keep his legs still. Then it was all over and he thought that must have been the worst part. Surely the needle could never hurt more than the solution. But when Mark did the first stitch and pulled at the fascia to get it together Face spit out the towel and could do nothing but scream in pain. He felt as if his whole leg was on fire and he tried to kick and buck and it needed four people to steady his legs.

Mark tried to work as fast as possible so the agony would end but finally, after five stitches Face passed out. Everybody let out a sigh.

"I hadn't thought he would last that long." Mark shook his head and continued his work.

"Worked well for him in the past but this time I would have wished he couldn't take this much pain without going out."

"You ain't the only one, colonel, this just ain't right."

When Mark was about to finish Murdock undid the restraints and gaped, "Maggie, he got rug burns on his arms and shoulders from fighting against the restraints." He had tears in his eyes.

"Here, let me clean it."They were all quiet when Maggie worked and settled in to wait for Face to come around.

Luckily between the pain and the exhaustion he slept for close to three hours and most of the pain from the procedure had died down. Face woke with a groan.

"Hey kid, how are you feeling?" Hannibal had said that sentence far too often over the last days.

Face wanted to say something but instead grimaced, his throat was raw from screaming and his mouth was dry. Maggie saw where his discomfort came from and handed Hannibal some ice chips.

"This better?"

A little nod. Face was feeling so weak and useless.

Mark came to the head of the bed. "How is the leg?"

"Bearable"

"And the rest of you?"

"Head hurts, dizzy, nauseous."

"Sounds like you are having the time of your life. Guess you don't want to try out Murdock's cuisine just now. We'll just keep feeding you through a needle then."

"I can always put it in the blender and then you get Murdock's special intravenous; that will turn you into Superman."

"More like 'Supernut', you crazy fool."

Face smiled a little. It was so good not to see nothing but concerned faces but hear some of their usual banter. He soon drifted off again.

It was obvious to Murdock that Face was in the beginning stages of a nightmare. The warning signs were always the same. His head would start moving from side to side, his breathing would accelerate, and he would break out into a sweat. Eventually he would begin to mumble until the ramblings would mutate into full blown screams. Lastly, he would lose complete control over his body and mind and would thrash about wildly.

Murdock knew he had to stop things before it got to that point to protect Face's leg. "Face, wake up. You're just having a dream," he said shaking his arm lightly. When it didn't work, he tried again in a louder voice. "Face…wake up…c'mon buddy…just a dream."

Still, no luck. Normally when one of Face's nightmares were caught early enough they could bring him out of it. But between the medication and his exhaustion, he was too far gone. Murdock was torn; should he stay with Face or go for help? Face started to kick his legs wildly and Murdock's decision was made for him…stay.

He grabbed hold of Face's lower half and yelled at the top of his lungs, "I need a little help in here!"

Luckily, Murdock didn't have to wait long before the others came sprinting in. Each man took hold of a limb while Maggie splashed water on his face and repeatedly called his name. After a couple of tense minutes, his body relaxed and his breathing evened out. They kept their positions for a bit longer until his eyes opened and he looked around the room in confusion.

"Wha…what happened?" Face asked. "What did I do?"

"Nothing Face, you were having a nightmare," Hannibal said gently. "We just didn't want you to hurt yourself."

"Too late…he bleedin' again," B.A. informed them after noticing a blood stain on the sheets.

"You with us, kid? Hannibal questioned. "Is it okay if we let you go."

"Yeah," Face responded in a strained voice. The nightmares always took a lot out of him.

Mark surveyed the damage. "Doesn't look too bad. I don't think you did any further structural damage, but you ripped some of the stitches."

"Wonderful," Face moaned, thinking back to the day's earlier events.

"Looks like I get to practice my sewing yet again," Mark said while getting his supplies. He was making an attempt at humor and trying to keep things light, but Face heard it differently. All he thought about was how he was causing them more problems.

"I'm sorry," Face said looking down at his lap. He vowed to himself that no matter how much it hurt, he would stay quiet and deal with it. He also braced himself by holding onto the sides of the table instead of somebody's hands. 'Be a man, Peck,' the voice inside his head said.

He squeezed his eyes tightly shut as the needle pierced his skin. As much as he tried, he couldn't hold back the whimper that escaped from his lips. "I'm sorry." His knuckles went white as the repeated stabs of the needle were followed by the tugging and pulling of his tender skin.

The team wanted to reach out to Face and to hold him, but they saw the determined look in his eyes and knew that this was something he wanted to go through on his own. Perhaps it was a good sign; a sign that he was getting stronger.

Face was breathing harder and harder as the pain only seemed to intensify. 'Just hold on…just breathe,' he ordered himself.

When his eyes were screwed tight again and tears were leaking out BA had enough. He touched Face's hands with his own and Face let go of the table immediately grasping BA's hands very tight. Hannibal was helping to keep Face's leg still but Murdock also went to the top of the bed to rub Face's arm and let him know he was not alone. It was only three stitches in the outer row and Mark was done fast.

Surprisingly for all, when the pain had died down and Face seemed coherent enough it was BA who spoke first.

"What was that all about?"

When Face looked at him with confusion he went on, "Going through the pain alone, being sorry for letting out a whimper, that's just plain stupid. We told you we was going every step of the way with you and you wanna shut us out? Faceman, you are one of the most stubborn people in the world. I, BA Baracus, if I was in your weakened state and with the way this leg looks, I would have screamed and wailed like a baby and you are sorry for letting out a whimper?"

When Face looked down and opened his mouth to say something Hannibal beat him to it. "Don't you dare say you're sorry. We hear that too often from you. You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. Look at how you grasped BA's hands and how the contact helped you. We are here for you, we want to help you. Helping you is not a burden for us…you are not a burden for us." And in a very soft voice he added "It's about time you get that through your thick skull, kid."

"But….but I feel just so….useless at the moment, causing everybody more work."

"I don't want to hear this no more, Faceman. You ain't useless, never was and never will be. I'm strong and I'm standing around here with my strength doing nothing while I coulda lent you some to go through your pain. You want me to feel bad knowing that I could have done something for you but didn't?"

Face shook his head, no.

"Thought as much."

"I don't think I have anything to add to the big guy's speech of wisdom."

"Hmph, that would be a first." BA muttered.

"Guys, I…thanks."

After the silence in the room had lingered for a while Mark spoke up. "Are you all done with your sentimental talks? My patient needs some rest. BA, you can carry him back to the bed, Hannibal you keep that leg still. He feels a bit cold to the touch. Murdock, I want you to curl up next to him and give some body warmth. BA, you watch over the two of them, make sure no one jostles that leg and Hannibal, you as the colonel make sure everybody does his job well. Yell if you need Maggie or me." Maggie threw him a grateful smile.

BA picked up Face and soon had him comfortable in the middle of the bed. Murdock did as he was told, BA settled on the other side of the bed and Hannibal was sitting on the foot of it. They all made sure they were in physical contact with Face without heating him up since he was still anything but cool to the touch. He soon drifted off to a peaceful sleep and Hannibal whispered his thanks to Mark before he and Maggie left the room.

Face gradually grew stronger over the course of the next week. His foot was healing nicely and his body had begun to tolerate the antibiotics a bit better. He still felt like he had a bad hangover, but it paled in comparison to the weeks prior.

Mark had stopped by earlier in the day to check on his progress and announced that Face was ready to start physical therapy and he would be back the following morning to show them what to do. He would be lying if he didn't say that he was scared. He hadn't left the bed for a full week and he wondered how his body would react to being vertical again.

The guys had been amazing. They waited on him hand and foot and were there for him both emotionally and physically. But still, Face felt that something was off. His suspicions were confirmed when Hannibal called an impromptu team meeting after dinner.

"We need to talk," he said as they pulled chairs next to Face's bed.

"And what do you call what we have been doing for the past week?" Face joked.

"A lot of things were said," Hannibal fiddled with an unlit cigar, "but you were so sick half the time, we're not sure how much you heard."

"Plenty," Face retorted. "I know more about all of you than I ever cared to know."

Murdock and B.A. sat quietly; they knew what Face was doing. He was turning on the old Faceman charm to avoid getting serious. They also knew that Hannibal was on to him as well, and that he wouldn't get far.

"Face, so much has happened since we returned from Ecuador. And now that you are up to it, I think we really need to talk about what happened."

"Look guys, I said a lot of things that I probably would never had said if I was in my right mind…"

"I never say anything in my right mind…I prefer the left," Murdock quipped.

"Shut-up fool," B.A. snarled, elbowing him. "This is important."

"But that's just the point, your guard was down so you weren't able to filter yourself like you always do."

"Hey…I do not!" Face argued only to retract the statement when six eyes rolled in his direction. "Okay…okay…maybe I do."

"Sometimes we don't realize how much we hurt you, because you keep your feelings so well tucked inside."

Face could see that Hannibal was planning on having a full blown heart-to-heart at this point, but he wasn't quite sure why. Had he forgiven them for how they treated him before and during the mission? Of course, the way they cared for him in his time of need more than made up for things…and he had told them such.

The trouble was that they weren't buying it. Until, they got the full story about Leslie from his own lips, they were going to feel as if he was holding back on them. To move ahead, they wanted to look behind. However, looking behind meant looking at Leslie, and that was still a very difficult thing for him to do.

Face ran a weary hand through his hair. "And I didn't realize how unfair it was of me to expect you to understand something I never told you about."

Hannibal was about to object, but there was something about the look in his eyes and his downcast stare that told him that Face wasn't ready. While the outer wounds were healing, the internal ones would take some more time. Hannibal patted Face on the knee and said, "Just know that we love you and that we're sorry."

Face looked up in surprise. That was way too easy…and ended way too abruptly. He knew that this would not be the last time the subject was broached, but for now he was glad for the reprieve. Making sure to make eye contact with each of them, he replied, "I love you all too. I think I better get some sleep now…tomorrow's a big day."

Mark arrived bright and early the next day and started to go over the details of Face's physical therapy. "I will show you how to do range of motion exercises to get some of your mobility back. Many of these will require one of your friends to maneuver the foot into the different positions. The incision is healing well, and it is also valuable for there to be some stretching of the tissues in that area as well to prevent the formation of scar tissue."

Maggie jumped in and issued a warning. "Now, I want you to take it slow, Face. You have been lying down for quite some time. Your muscles have atrophied and you are still very weak."

Face nodded his understanding, as Mark spoke again. "This is going to be difficult and painful at first…"

"There's my favorite "p" word again…pain," Face smiled, hiding his fear.

"But I'm afraid it is very necessary if you want to get full use of your foot back again after all the trauma and procedures it endured."

Face was prepared for some discomfort…but he had no idea what was in store for him over the course of the next hour.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22:

It started easy enough with just wiggling his toes and that alone was pulling at his wound to make it uncomfortable but then Mark started moving his foot in one direction and Face went pale, gripping Hannibal's hands. Just as he got used to the pain Mark would change the direction and the fire erupted at a different spot. When being asked to repeat the motion on his own he had the feeling that he could not move his foot more than a few millimeters in the prompted direction.

He was exhausted, frustrated and in pain, but Mark would not let up on him and Face would also not complain. He needed to get better and fast. After about 45 minutes Mark asked if he could go on or they should stop for the day but Face shook his head 'no'. He could stand more and had to if he wanted to walk on his own anytime soon.

They went on for another few minutes until Hannibal and Maggie started whispering to each other and Maggie called a halt to the exercise hour. "Mark, stop. He's going on sheer willpower. " And directed to Face she added, "there's no use in it if you're in so much pain that you can't even concentrate on the movements. Better do shorter times at the beginning than to overdo it. "

"But…"

"No buts, if you overdo it you cause more damage than good. Now rest, we'll continue tomorrow. I don't know you as well as the others, you have to tell me when it gets to be too much."

"Everybody out of here now, Face needs to rest."

"Maggie, I can go a bit more, really."

"No you can't, now stop arguing and close your eyes."

"I'll stay with him." Hannibal settled in the chair next to the bed and one look told Face that he would not take any nonsense from him now. Face relented and closed his eyes; he was so tired and miserable that he was asleep in moments.

Mark shook his head in disbelief. "I don't think I had such a patient before. Normally I have to encourage them to go on and he pushes himself until he is almost out and I don't even realize."

"That's Face for you, best con man ever and in all situations. But you just wait a bit, he can be quite a handful when he thinks his treatment should be over because he is fine…which always happens as soon as the pain allows him to think straight." Maggie chuckled at some memories.

"He did real good for a first time. I think he will make a full recovery, but it will take him some weeks."

When Face woke the room was quiet. He felt like he let his team down by not being able to move his foot much and stopping the training before even one hour was over. They had been at the same place for too long and needed to move but he could not even get up yet. Face felt he could use some more exercise now that he was alone and started moving his foot around.

"What do you think you are doing?" Face almost jumped at Hannibal's rumbling voice behind him. He thought they were all gone but Hannibal had just sat out of his field of vision.

"Hannibal, you want me to die of heart attack?"

"Sorry kid, but I asked you a question."

"Exercises to get well."

"Maggie told you to rest and not move that foot around anymore for today."

"But…but we've been here for too long. What if the MP's show up? We need to move and I have to get better for that."

"We are perfectly safe here for a while. We already cleared out your apartment to be able to move from here fast should the need arise. Besides you won't get better from overdoing it, you'll only cause more damage. Now keep that leg still."

"But I could almost not move it at all. With the many holes in my leg, what if I can't run anymore or if it even stays stiff?"

"What are you talking about? You'll heal just fine. Mark was pleased with your performance."

"Hannibal, I….I'm afraid….I don't want to slow the team down."

"Don't be stupid kid. You have all the time in the world to heal. We can all use a break after the recent events. Maybe rent a cabin, set up a nice obstacle course as soon as you are cleared by Maggie…"

Face groaned in anticipation and Hannibal chuckled. "Now rest, that's what your body needs."

"I've been sleeping enough for the last…."

"And you need more sleep. Don't even start to argue with me."

Face was quiet for a while.

"What are you fidgeting around the IV port now? Take your hands from there."

"When is it coming out? It hurts and I don't need it anymore."

Hannibal rolled his eyes. "When you are through with the antibiotics. Hands off there. Now I'm convinced you are getting better, you're whining again and starting to be a pain in the you know where."

Maggie came inside to check in on her patient as Hannibal spoke the last sentence. "And I can remember a certain John Smith who was so looking forward to this phase just a week ago."

Face smiled a little "Don't worry Maggie. I'll not disappoint him. Bye the way, can you take out this IV port? I really don't need it anymore."

"Yes you do…you have a couple of more days to go on the antibiotics."

Hannibal stuck out his tongue playfully. "Told you so."

"Two against one," he lamented. "No fair!"

Maggie laughed. "I swear you grown man act more like little boys sometimes." This time they both stuck their tongues out at her and she answered in kind. It felt so good to laugh again.

Mark continued to be impressed with Face's determination and how quickly he was improving. So much so, that less than a week later he announced that it was time to get Face standing and have him put some weight on the injured body part.

He had been allowed to sit up and had been transported to and from the bathroom by wheelchair, but this would be the first time in weeks he would be standing on his own feet. Hannibal flanked one side and B.A. the other and awaited Mark's instructions.

"Put your good foot on the ground and let Hannibal and B.A. help you to a standing position. Leave your other foot off the ground for now."

Face leaned forward and allowed his friends to practically lift him up. His vision went white and he would have fallen backwards if they weren't holding on so tightly.

"Hey…you okay?" Murdock asked, jumping up to assist if need be.

"Yeah," Face said, as the color started to reappear. "I'm fine."

Mark gave him a minute to adjust and then instructed, "now put your bad foot down onto the ground and just let it rest against the floor without putting any weight on it."

Face did as told and smiled wide. "It feels good to have both feet on the ground again."

The smile quickly faded after Mark had him press the foot lightly into the ground. He grimaced and immediately pulled it back up.

"The tissues are still healing and are going to be tender for some time to come. You're doing great, Face." Maggie enthused.

Mark bent over to get a closer look at Face's feet. "Let's, try again and this time hold it a little longer."

Face had broken out into a sweat and was feeling nauseous as they repeated this process a few more times. "I take it back, it doesn't feel good to have both feet on the ground." He tried to make the comment as light as possible to disguise how much it hurt. He was afraid that if they knew how bad it was, they would make him stop and that would only delay things.

"The last step for today will be to transfer all of your weight onto the injured foot. Think you can do it?"

Face's mind was screaming 'no', but he wasn't about to listen. Hannibal and B.A. were still holding on to him and Murdock was watching intently…he couldn't let them down. Face lifted his good foot off the floor and for a second all seemed okay; the excitement of the moment blocked out all else.

Then he felt the pain; like standing on a pile of razor blades it was like nothing he had experienced before.

He could hear them congratulating him and cheering him on, but then their voices faded out and was replaced by the roaring of his pounding heartbeat in his ears. His foot burned…the room began to turn…and that was the last thing he remembered.

Face went boneless between Hannibal and BA. "Whoa, thought he was doing fine?"

"Obviously not, BA, let's put him on the bed."

"How did you put it, Maggie? Best con man ever? How can I work with a patient who doesn't even give me a clue of the pain he's in? I know how much pain he can take from earlier on, but I hadn't thought he still hurt so bad. We'll go back to doing exercises on the bed for some days. It's still too early to put him on his feet."

"We were more concentrated on his leg than on him. We should have seen it; he's never been able to con us for long." Hannibal felt as if he had let Face down and he was kicking himself for not paying closer attention.

"There was no way to see it, colonel. We all knew he was in a great deal of pain…how would you know what is bearable and when it gets too much? Probably didn't know himself."

"Yeah, fool's right for a change. Ah, man, I'm saying that way too often lately. Been spending too much time round fools, including the one on the bed."

"Won't allow himself to show any weakness even if it's among us. We just have to watch him closer instead of asking if he can bear more. He's pushing himself over his limits. He's one hell of a stubborn kid."

"Probably spent too much time around a certain colonel." Maggie couldn't help but quip which earned Hannibal a chuckle from BA and Murdock. "

When Face woke up a little later he had three concerned team mates looking down at him. It was nice that they cared but he was also tired if their concern.

"How's the pain kid?"

"I'm fine."

"Sure you are, so fine that you pass out from it." Even Murdock was more concerned than insane.

"It hurts, okay? It hurts like hell and it's going to be like that for quite some time. My leg was turned into Swiss cheese. The more I train the better it will get." He hadn't meant to snap but it was just unnerving.

"That's only true to some extent, "Mark jumped in. "If you hurt too much and you are all cramped up from fear and pain you won't do yourself any good. We will continue the exercises on the bed for a few days before we try to get you on your feet again."

"No, we won't. It's my body and I know how much I can take."

"Yeah? And I'm your doctor and you just demonstrated how much you can take. We don't need you to reinjure your leg."

"I…"

"Lieutenant, that subject is closed."

Face was silently fuming. What did they think he was? A five year old having a temper tantrum? He would not slow down on his exercises and prolong the healing.

"You know how to do the range of motion training. I'll be back in a few days. Maggie, call me if anything changes. And you, Face, rest and get better."

Rest… now that was something new. He was fed up with resting although he had to admit that he felt worse than yesterday. Must be those darn antibiotics.

The rest of the day went by uneventful and the next morning came with the next training session.

"Come on guys I can do it. I don't even need to put my full weight on it. Just a bit, please." He talked and talked but they wouldn't have any of it. After a while Hannibal even ordered him to shut up and concentrate on the exercises he was allowed to do. By the time they all left the room he was drained but determined. He would not slow down on the training.

Face allowed himself to rest for a while and then decided to have a go. He sat up slowly and waited for the room to stop spinning. Then he carefully slid his legs off the bed and sat at the edge. 'Come on Peck, you learned walking quiet some years ago. This is nothing. Just put your good leg down, grip the side table, get upright and then put just a little pressure on your bad leg. Repeat that for a few times and crawl back into the bed. Easy as one, two, three.'

So much for that theory. The moment he got upright his vision went white but this time there was nobody there to hold him upright. He fell to the floor right on his injured limb and passed out.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23:

A while later Murdock came to announce that he was the cook for the day and was preparing a very special meal…meaning anything he found thrown together with icing on top, but found Face unconscious on the floor instead.

Murdock went back to the door and shouted "Hannibal, I need help here," before kneeling beside Face. He felt cold to the touch, had probably been laying there for some time. The rest of the house occupants came running.

"What happened?"

"Don't know. I found him on the floor."

"The sheets are not rumbled like he had a nightmare, that leaves only one conclusion. The little shit." Hannibal was already planning on the speech he would give his lieutenant when he woke up.

Hannibal had a look at his leg. "I don't think he reinjured anything but I'm going to call Mark."

Hannibal sent BA and Murdock outside and settled in the chair behind the bed, waiting for the culprit to wake up.

Face woke up, but immediately wished he hadn't. In addition to a throbbing foot, he had one very pissed off colonel staring at him. What was even more troublesome was that he felt sick; his head ached and his stomach hurt.

"Of all the stupid…careless…irresponsible things you could do," Hannibal seethed.

Face knew better than to say anything. When Hannibal was fired up like this the best thing to do was to stay quiet and let him vent until his anger burned out. And that is just what he did. Hannibal dressed him down for a solid 5 minutes straight while Face lay there taking it. Truth be told, he was feeling too ill to really take much of it in. That is, until Hannibal said something that hit a nerve.

"You say that you want to get better, and then you go ahead and jeopardize it all. Is it that you like all the attention you are getting, Lieutenant? Do you enjoy having us wait on your every need?" Hannibal regretted the statements the minute they came out of his mouth, as he knew this was the furthest thing from the truth.

"How…how could you say that?" Face asked in a hurt voice.

"I'm sorry," Hannibal replied. "I didn't mean that last bit. I know this has been awful for you. But I did mean the rest. What on earth would possess you to try to stand on your own?"

"Because I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it." Face looked away from Hannibal, too embarrassed to meet his eyes. "I wanted _you_ to be proud."

Hannibal's eyes widened in surprise. Of course he was proud…didn't Face know that?

Before he had a chance to delve into the topic more, however, Mark entered the room and continued lecturing Face as he examined his foot. "You are lucky, young man. Now do you want to tell me exactly what happened?"

"I really thought I'd be okay," Face explained. "But before I even got to my feet I started feeling really dizzy and sick."

"How are you feeling now?"

Face decided it was best not to lie when he was already in hot water. "Like my head might explode, followed shortly after by my stomach."

Hannibal took a good look at Face and, once again, kicked himself for not noticing. He wasn't looking very good at all; his color was off and his breathing a bit too shallow. "He's been off the IV antibiotics for a couple of days…shouldn't he be feeling better?"

Mark sighed. "Yes, but I started him on another tablet form as an extra precaution. Maggie wasn't kidding when she said that you and drugs don't mix well, Face."

Face had his arms wrapped around his midsection. "Just say no, as Nancy Reagan says," he groaned.

"Unfortunately, I must insist you say 'yes'," Mark quipped. "But this should be the final round. After what happened today, I think you should take a couple of days rest and then we will begin again."

Face was about to object when an awful stomach cramp hit forcing him to doubled over in pain. Hannibal was at his side and rubbing his back. "Breathe, kid, breathe."

Mark realized that there was nothing more he could do. "I know you are feeling bad, Face, but you are doing remarkably well. Just stay off of that foot until I come back."

"Sorry, Hannibal," Face mumbled once he and the colonel were alone again.

"Shh. It's okay, kid."

"Sorry," he repeated . "Let you down."

"Face, You have never let me down. I'm proud of you, son."

"Son," Face said. "I'm nobody's son."

"Wrong…you are the son of my heart," Hannibal whispered into his ear and placed a kiss on his forehead. It was a rare show of emotion for the military men, but one that was long overdue.

Face was already exhausted again but fighting sleep, wanting to hold on to the moment.

"I…I could never have wished for a better father."

"Go to sleep, kid."

"Hannibal, I…I have to thank you….for everything…..everything you ever did…" still overwhelmed from emotions Face was struggling to find words. He wanted to make sure Hannibal knew how much this meant to him.

"Everything? I'll remind you next time I hang you out as bait or send you inside knowing full well that you could end up in trouble. Right now the only thing you have to do is sleep." Hannibal saw that Face was struggling with his emotions and wanted to lighten the mood.

"I…"

"Will you stop talking already and go to sleep. There's a not only advantage to having a father, it also means you have to listen to what I say and obey me."

Face pouted. "That's unfair. You only want to still command me around after you are old and retired."

"Brat." Hannibal chuckled at the pout. "Close your eyes already. I'll be here when you wake up."

When Face did wake up he felt a pang of guilt, along with a headache and a turning stomach. Hannibal had been sitting by his side throughout his sleep. Even though he said he didn't mean what he said earlier on Face knew how he hated to sit around and play nursemaid. Hannibal was a man of action.

"You don't need to sit with me."

"What if I want to? Feeling any better now?"

"Still queasy, and don't try to change the topic. I know you are tired of caring for me. I'm not that sick anymore… I'll be okay alone."

"I'm not tired of caring for you. Where do you get these ideas from?"

"Come off it, Hannibal. Everybody knows you hate sitting around with nothing to do."

"I do like some time to read now and then."

"That's not what I'm saying."

"Okay, I admit I hate sitting around waiting. But caring for you, or any of my men, is an entirely different thing."

Sensing that Face was about to argue he went on, "and before you say anything, it's not because you keep me busy while waiting. It's because I care for you and can't stand to see you sick or injured. So if you don't mind, I'm not going anywhere for as long as you can do with some comfort and help."

"I'm glad you're here but really, I don't want you to stay if you feel bored."

"Noted."

"While you are here, what about we do some more exercises, on the bed I mean?"

"No, Mark told you to stop it for some days until he comes back."

"Oh come on, Hannibal, that will be a drawback. I'm tired of this bed! I want to get on my legs as fast as possible."

"I know, kid, but your body is not ready. Wait 'til those last antibiotics are through. Your body has enough to fight as it is."

"I can't just lay here doing nothing." Face was aware he was whining but couldn't help it right now.

"Don't take your health that lightly. You know what happened last time you tried to speed things up. Don't you know what it does to me to find you in an unconscious heap at the floor? Anytime it happens you take about three years of off my lifespan."

"Three years? Ah Face, our colonel here would have lived to be 473 and now, due to you, he will only make it to 104. "

"Murdock! I'm not getting knocked out that often."

"That's true. Sometimes you are also running smack into trees or make yourself pass out."

Hannibal smiled at Face's defeated expression. Obviously he was out of arguments, a sure sign that he still had a long way to recover.

"I actually came to see if you two need something. I cooked lunch. Murdock's special reversed pizza."

At Hannibal's raised brow he went more into detail, "There's chocolate ice cream for dessert, that's under, then cheese, then all the other ingredients and the dough is on top."

Before Murdock had even finished his sentence Face reached for the bucket.

"I could always leave out the dough…" Murdock started.

Hannibal guided him towards the door. "Maybe for dinner, chef."

Unfortunately, Face seemed to be reaching for the bucket way too often over the course of the day. And by the time dinner rolled around food wasn't an option. His throat burned from bringing up acids and he couldn't seem to get the room to stay still.

They were worried more that they wanted Face to know. Murdock stayed with Face while Hannibal and B.A. stepped out in to the hall.

"Hannibal, he don't look good, man," B.A. said. "Ain't never seen so much come out of a man without anythin' goin' back in."

Hannibal nodded solemnly. "He can't even hold his head up he's so weak. And his pulse is fast…a sure sign of dehydration."

"Want me to get Maggie?"

Hannibal nodded reluctantly; she had returned to her practice just the day prior. "I don't know what else to do," Hannibal sighed.

"I should be able to get to her house and back within a couple of hours."

B.A. drove to Bad Rock and back faster than he ever had before and made it back in just over 90 minutes.

"How is he?" Maggie asked as Hannibal met them at the door.

"Barely conscious. He can't keep anything down. I'm sorry to bother you, but Mark is at the hospital in surgery and…"

"John, stop. It's okay…I want to help." She started walking into the house and didn't stop until she was by an unresponsive Face.

"I'm going to have to start another IV. He needs fluids badly."

Face didn't stir through the process, and Hannibal was beginning to panic. "Maggie, he has to stop those antibiotics. Look what they are doing to him."

Maggie heard the fear in his voice and put her arm around his waist. "Stopping them now would do more harm than good. Believe it or not, he needs them to fight the infection. His foot is looking better every time I see it, a good indication that they are doing their job."

"But…"

"No buts, John. Face just has an awful reaction to medication, but he'll be fine. You'll see. And the IV should perk him up. The drugs were making him sick, but the dehydration was making it much worse."

Sure enough, within the hour Face was awake. He was a bit delirious, but he was feeling better than he had earlier in the day. Maggie retreated to the kitchen to fix them some sandwiches, while they kept up a light conversation to help occupy Face and take his mind off of his discomfort.

All conversation stopped when out of the blue Face began to talk. Exhausted, his guard was down, and the time felt right. He wanted to share with his 'family' parts of him that he had held back for so long. It was the only way he would ever fully heal…inside and out.

"You know, Leslie was the first person to accept me as I was and not turning me away for one reason or another, until she left that is, but now I know it wasn't because of me. She didn't use me but loved me and didn't send me away because I woke up screaming sometimes…or because I was too tiny to help much at the farm…or because I was too clumsy and broke the big bowl at dinner or whatever other reason my various foster parents came up with. For some I never got to know the reason. Not that the nuns and priests at the orphanage didn't care. Most of them did at least, but then they had nowhere to dump me. Father Maghill was different though. He and some nuns made it the best time of my childhood."

Face paused after that. He was deep in thought looking straight at the ceiling and obviously seeing other things than his teammates and the room. He was still affected by the drugs and a little delirious, probably wouldn't reveal parts of his childhood otherwise. Nobody said anything hoping that Face would go on. BA, always the protector of kids was fuming on the inside. Who would turn a kid away over a broken bowl? From the bits and pieces Face had revealed of his life at the orphanage, BA could tell that it was nothing like the carefree life a child should lead. If that was what he called his best time BA wondered what else he had gone through.

"When I was about nine I made my single most stupid mistake ever. After I had just been brought back to the orphanage in exchange for a younger child I ran away. At that time I thought if I'm on my own nobody can hurt me like this. And it worked for some time. I ran off to the other end of LA, slept in parks or behind dumpsters or sometimes in shop entrances and during the day I scrounged for food or did day by day jobs. I never told this to anyone. Even the father doesn't know what I did in the almost one year I was gone. Don't know why I'm telling it now."

Face paused again. Between his sore throat and the exhaustion he was finding it difficult to go on but he also felt like he needed to share this particular bit of his life with his 'family'. The memory had hit him some days earlier and he felt like he was suffocating on the inside. It felt so good to let it out of his system and he knew he could trust his friends to not turn away from him after learning more.

I discovered a whore house close to my favorite dumpster area. It was actually just three whores who were using a small house for their business. They found me cute and allowed me to hang around in the evenings as long as I got lost when customers arrived. Sometimes even gave me food when I hadn't been able to scrounge enough over the day. Other days when I was good I brought some for them. Didn't happen often but sometimes I had cigarettes for them or booze. When it was getting colder they sometimes allowed me to sleep on their bed. When a customer came they would bang on the outside door…that was my sign to get lost through the kitchen." Face chuckled a little "When I was so fast asleep that I didn't hear them before they were inside the house my only option was to quickly drop to the floor and squeeze under the bed. Then I had to wait it out until they finished. Sometimes I would crawl right back in the bed when they left. Sure it was smelly and had wet patches but it was nicely warm. Human warmth."

Face had to pause again. His team mates knew better than to make any comments if they wanted to find out more. Sure enough after a little while he continued. His voice a mere whisper now but it sounded loud in the silent room.

"Then there was this man who came there quite often. He had seen me hanging around the whores for some time and approached me. I should come with him; this was no place for a boy. But of course I didn't. Even I knew not to go with strangers. He kept meeting me at the place and after trying to persuade me for some time changed tactics. He told me he lived in a little trailer park. Only about 15 trailers, they were like one big family and I was welcome. He gave me the directions and suggested I look at it in broad daylight if I was afraid to come with him. I should just say Bob send me. Eventually I went and after staking it out for a while decided to go close. They were all junkies I could tell, but they were friendly and more important they had a fire and food and invited me. They had constructed a little storage shed off to one side and Bob came and dropped a mattress in one corner. Told me I could live there. It was better than the dumpsters and I could sleep through the night without getting up for customers. During the day I would scrounge whatever I could and in the nights they had a fire going and were smoking marijuana, gave me some too. Sometimes one of them even let me sleep in the trailers. I thought I had made it, that life was finally starting to look up. And then came the uncle."

There was another break. Face licked his dry lips and Hannibal placed some ice chips to his lips. After savoring the refreshment he went on.

"He was nice and even brought candy for the kids. They called him uncle but I don't think he was anybodies uncle. He came often and eventually came too close to me for my liking. But I had to be thankful so I played along. We were always in the mist of other people and he didn't want much, holding hands, cuddling, I should sit on his lap when we sat together at the fire, it was okay for me. Then he wanted more and I said no, I wouldn't let him. The others threw me odd looks I didn't understand but he kept his distance for the evening. Eventually I went to my shed and fell asleep. Just before dawn I heard the door squeaking and saw a figure but there was nowhere for me to run to…I was cornered and he was much stronger than me. He…he….you know….hurt me. When he was spent I managed to run away and I ran until I met the first person on this early hours, who happened to be a policeman. He saw me and well…my pants were soaked with blood. He called an ambulance and asked me who did it. I directed him and sure enough uncle was still sprawled out at my mattress. They took him away without needing any more proof. I was taken to the hospital but I knew they would send me back to the orphanage so I slipped away before even a doctor saw me. I hid in a closet and waited until the bleeding had stopped, then went to the youth section and stole a fresh pants, waited for visiting hours and sauntered out the front door. I went straight back to the trailer park to get some much needed rest but they were hostile. Accused me to have killed their supply chain and drove me off. I'll never know for sure but I think the guy was supplying them with drugs in exchange for sex and he had a thing for young boys, that's why they brought me there. Better he used me than one of their own boys. They made it very clear that I wasn't welcome anymore. Also I couldn't go back to the whores because Bob was with them too often. I went back to the dumpsters. It went on for a while longer and then I was picked up by the police while I begged for food. I thought I was facing some time in juvenile but instead Father Maghill came to pick me up. I never told anyone what happened. At the time I ran away Father had gone on a one year exchange program somewhere in South America. Later on I learned that he had just returned some weeks ago and had immediately started looking for me. He had distributed my picture and a description around town and the policeman who picked me up had recognized me. Instead of filling charges he had called the Father to come and get me home. I was very lucky then."

Face was so exhausted; he had his eyes closed as he whispered the last words.

Nobody said a word or moved...they could barely breathe.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24:

They knew that Face was raised in an orphanage and that he had been shuffled back and forth between foster homes from time to time. But, he had always painted a portrait of a childhood much different than the one he had just revealed. The shocking reality left them at a loss for what to do next.

They sat there watching Face sleep for close to an hour before anybody dared to speak. Hannibal broke the silence. "I've been trying to figure out a plan for what to say when Face wakes up. I'm the plan maker...but there is no plan for how to handle something like this."

"He was...he was...r...r...raped," Murdock stuttered.

B.A. was anxiously turning the rings around his fingers. "As a boy and in Nam. Ain't fair, man...ain't fair."

"Apparently, Face is a better con man than we thought. He tries so hard to make everybody around him think that his life is perfect...that he is perfect." There were tears in Hannibal's eyes and his voice cracked as he said, "I can't imagine...the pain...he has endured through the years."

"What we gonna do now?" B.A. pondered. "What do we say?"

"He may not even remember that he told us anything...he was pretty out of it," Murdock said. He was glad that Face shared with them, but he doubted the proud Face would feel the same way.

And when he woke a couple of hours later, Face remembered. But after taking a look at his teammates faces, he instantly regretted it. There was pity in their eyes, and if there was one thing he despised it was pity. He didn't feel sorry for himself and he'd be damned if he would allow them to do it for him.

"What's for dinner?" he asked casually. "I'm starving." He wasn't really, but food was a safe topic to discuss and he certainly didn't feel safe. He felt naked and exposed. He slipped on his mask and prepared to do some damage control. 'You screwed up, Peck...let them in too far. Time for damage control.'

Murdock twisted the cap in his hands. He tried to appear cheerful but his actions betrayed him. "There's still pizza. Don't even know why Maggie made sandwiches earlier on."

"Quit it fool. Nobody needs to eat your crazy food. There ain't enough buckets for all of us in this house."

Face's stomach had already been rolling when he woke up. The thought of food, let alone something Murdock had conjured together had not helped matters at all. But he had held on well and was glad to have distracted Murdock and BA for the moment. One look at Hannibal's face however revealed that it wasn't working with him. And when BA mentioned the word 'bucket' he was about to lose the battle but was determined to hold out. Hannibal saw straight through the act and had the bucket ready, just outside Face's vision.

"Quit it you two. Dinner was quite some hours ago."

"We didn't start it and the Faceman here has not eaten. I can warm some in hot tea, that way he get's liquids…"

Hannibal handed over the bucket in the nick of time.

"I know it tastes better with coffee but that's not advisable at this time of the day."

"Murdock, BA, why don't you go to bed? I'll stay with Face."

"But he's hungry."

"Knock it off fool before I knock you off. Does he look like he's going to eat?"

Face was still hanging over the bucket and needed Hannibal's help just to do so. After he finished he fell back to the bed, practically wiped out. Two were gone, only Hannibal left. He had let him off the hook earlier when he wanted to talk about Ecuador, maybe he could convince him that it was better to forget what he said."

There was silence in the room. None of them knew how to start.

"Hannibal, about what I said earlier on. It was just the drugs talking. I should never have mentioned it. It all happened ages ago and doesn't mean anything to me. Just forget I said it. It's late, let's all go to sleep."

Hannibal hated to use Face's vulnerability and weakness. The kid was not even able to sit up on his own and it was unfair to force this topic on him now. But he also knew that when Face was well enough to pull his defenses up, they would never talk about it again and Face needed to work it out instead of locking it away until he burst. Hannibal steeled himself.

"No, Face. It means a lot to you and you need to work it out."

"I did work it out. Back then. I was okay with it then and I'm certainly okay now."

"You mean your nine year old self was able to work out being raped and neglected without getting medical treatment, psychological treatment or even talking to a single soul? I don't think so."

Hannibal's tactic was to draw Face out, get him angry to the point his mask slipped and he vented out some of the pent up anger. There were certainly softer ways to go about it but this was the fastest and he was no shrink, nor could they risk getting into therapy with one.

"It happened to other kids too, no big deal."

"No big deal, huh? What story did you give to your foster parents when you woke up screaming and kicking? That you were afraid of the monster in the wardrobe? And how do you know it happened to other kids to if they all kept it to themselves like you did?"

Face narrowed his eyes and Hannibal could see that he was close to his goal. With Face weak and a little delirious it wasn't so difficult to draw him out. And Hannibal knew exactly which buttons to push. But he still held it together a little longer.

"I wasn't like the others. I didn't need to talk to work it out. And kids do have nightmares, even without anything bad happening to them."

"So you had other ways to work it out. What did you do? Smoked some more pot like you did earlier on? Or you simply raided your foster parent's bar and got drunk to forget?"

"Just drop it, Hannibal...I'm warning you," Face threatened.

"Oh yeah…and what are you going to do about it?" Hannibal was taunting Face now, and it felt awful, but it was a necessary evil.

"Don't do this. I told you I was fine. All this stuff happened when I was a boy. I'm a grown man now."

"You sure aren't acting like one." Hannibal felt like a knife was twisting in his gut. "You're too afraid to even talk about it."

"I'm not afraid," Face fumed. 'I'm not afraid,' he thought, 'I'm terrified.'

"If you aren't afraid, than talk," Hannibal challenged.

"What do you want to hear, Hannibal? I ran away…it was my fault. I deserved it!" His face was red with anger; the adrenaline pumping through his veins was giving him strength. He forced himself into a sitting position. "Nobody wanted me before and nobody certainly wanted me after."

Hannibal wanted to jump in…maybe he had pushed too far. Face was shaking and sweating and looked as if he were about to explode. But before he had the chance, Face started in again.

"Sooner or later everybody leaves me. I can't blame them. I'm damaged goods…worthless and useless. And now that you all know my dirty little secret, it won't be long before you're gone too. Let me save you the trouble of making some lame excuse…" He looked Hannibal in the eye and said slowly and deliberately, "get out of here."

'Yup, definitely pushed too far,' Hannibal thought. "Face…kid…"

"Don't 'kid' me, colonel. I don't remember ever being a kid." Face could feel he was losing control; he had to get Hannibal out of there before it happened. "Get out. What part of that don't you understand?"

"The 'out' part." Hannibal stood his ground. "You can try to push me away, Face, but it isn't going to work."

"Fine. Then I'll leave." He swung his legs over the side of the bed, oblivious to any pain. He got on his feet and was about to step forward when Hannibal jumped up and grabbed him by the shoulders.

"You aren't going anywhere," Hannibal said, but Face heard a different voice and saw a different visage. Face pushed against him; he wanted out of that room and fast. They stumbled backwards. Hannibal's back hitting the wall hard, but he kept his grip on Face.

Get off me," Face growled. "Please, uncle, please don't!" He was fighting wildly, desperate to escape the arms that were holding him.

'Damn, he's having a flashback." Hannibal didn't want to let go out of fear that Face would injure his leg by running away. "Face…Face…it's me Hannibal."

But Face was beyond the point of no return.

Hannibal ducked as a fist went flying toward his head, but hit the wall full force instead with a sickening thud.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25:

The pain and the feeling of solid wall as opposed to the thin metal of the shed brought him out of the flashback. He looked at his bleeding hand for a moment, then the arms that held him upright and it all came back. His eyes flashed.

"You of all people. I should have known. Colonel Hannibal Smith is special. He won't leave you like all the others did. No, the others sent me off without me playing an active part, but of course you will first get me to admit out loud to what I am. You want me to work it out of my system, talk about it? Fine, let's go straight to the conclusion and save some time. I'm a drug taking whore, not worth being kept around. I screwed up the only good place I ever had by running away. I'm useless, worthless, filthy scum. I deserved anything that ever happened to me as a punishment for running away, for not being satisfied with what I had but wanting more. And then I went ahead and destroyed the next family that had taken me in. I deserved anything that happened then and later and right up to today. Are you happy now? I said it out loud. You did well, you helped me to work it all out; what I knew in my mind for so long has finally been spoken out. Congratulations ,colonel, you are a hero. You can leave me right next to the waste on your way out. So much for being the son of your heart."

Face shouted it all at Hannibal, only the last sentence was a mere whisper, and the colonel was somewhat relieved that at least this wasn't all for nothing, he had managed to bring Face to the point where he faced and more importantly addressed his feelings, something he could work with. If he survived Maggie's wrath for getting Face yet another injury that is.

The moment Face had finished venting his anger the pain in his leg and hand hit full force. Even though, as he now realized, Hannibal had held most of his weight he had put some pressure on his leg and it was hurting like hell. He scrambled to the floor, supported by Hannibal who eased him down instead of letting him fall. Face buried his face in his hands, unable to take any more.

Hannibal gave him a moment to make sure he was able to listen when he started to speak. "So that was your clever idea of working this out for so long? Reminding yourself every morning that you are useless and worthless and deserve whatever you get so there's nothing to be sorry about because you are not even worth feeling sorry?"

"Kinda."

"Face, look at me. You were so wrong…so very wrong for all those years. You might be damaged, or let me say you are damaged from what happened to you because it left scars at your soul, but you are not worthless or useless and you certainly didn't deserve any of what happened to you. You ran from a place where you were not treated kindly, at least not by all the people and you ran because you were repeatedly treated unfair by foster parents. Nobody would blame you for this. These people didn't even look for you until Father Maghill returned. How can it be your fault? It fills me with anger that a nine year old child had to fend for himself for a whole year on the streets without anybody taking care of him. And it also fills me with pride to know that even at that young age you were able to do it."

Face looked down again, "How…how can you say you are proud of me? I took drugs, I drank and I…I let him….encouraged him even to touch and cuddle. I'm a whore and nothing to be proud of." In a whisper he added, "It felt so good to be wrapped up in someone's arms, to be held, even if I knew it was wrong."

"Oh kid, come here. Every child deserves to be held and protected. There's nothing wrong with you liking it." Hannibal drew Face into his body and held him tight, stroking his back with one hand."We just have to hug you more often to make up for lost times."

After allowing Face a moment to gather his emotions he went on," And never again think of having done anything wrong concerning these junkies. They were no family and sure didn't do you any good."

"That's not true Hannibal. They gave me food and shelter, they were good to me."

"You think giving you scraps of food and an old mattress in a shed qualifies as caring for you? Face, they used you; used you and your body to get more drugs. Nothing they did gave them that right. Even if they had built you a castle and fed you only with the finest things it would not give them the right to use you like that."

"But…but one of my foster fathers, about a year after I had returned to the orphanage, always told me if I woke up screaming and I didn't want to tell what it was about then it was something I deserved." Face was now crying into Hannibal's shoulder and Hannibal used the chance to wrap a towel that was lying within reach tightly around his hand to stop the bleeding.

"He probably wouldn't have said it if you had told him what the dream was about."

"He would have sent me away."

"He did so anyway, or?"

Face was sobbing. It had all made so much sense until now. And now nothing fit together.

"Just let it out kid. I'm here for you."

Hannibal waited until the sobs stopped. "Let's get you back on the bed, kid. Maggie will have my hide for causing you to injure yourself again." He helped Face up. The kid had lost so much weight since this ordeal started.

"Hannibal, I…I don't feel sorry for myself, I'm okay and I don't want any of you to pity me. Please promise me."

"We don't pity you kid, we grieve for a lost little boy, and you need to allow yourself to grieve for that boy too. It's the only way you can heal."

The door went open and in came BA, Murdock and Maggie.

"We're all here for you to help you through, Muchacho. We'll grieve for that boy and remember him."

Face was wiping at his eyes. " Murdock, how much did you hear?"

"Just about everything. We didn't mean to eavesdrop but we had to hold back one extremely pissed off Maggie when she heard you shouting. I have a feeling that when she is done we may have to grieve for our lost colonel too."

"That depends on what shape his leg is in. What did you think to get him into a physical fight? And what is this towel doing around his hand? We have stacks of sterile bandages lying in this room and you use a towel to stop his bleeding. You want him to end up with another infection?"

"He's so full of antibiotics I was rather afraid the towel would get holes than him catching something from it. And it was a clean towel."

The look he got from Maggie stopped any more comment. He knew when he had lost.

Hannibal positioned himself on the bed so that Face's torso was resting against his chest. "We're going to help you work through everything…I promise. But for now just try to relax and let Maggie check you over."

Face nodded and let out a shuddering breath. Hannibal had his arms wrapped around him and he felt safe for the first time in a long time.

"I'm going to look at your foot first," Maggie said. Face winced as she began to press on the sensitive flesh. "Well, you didn't tear any of the stitches. Good thing, too, because they are almost healed. Your foot is swelling quite a bit, however." She turned to B.A. and asked, "Can you get me some of the cold compresses I have in the freezer. Hopefully that will do the trick and reduce the swelling…I don't want to go in and drain it unless I have to."

B.A. set off, and Maggie turned her attention to Face's bloody right hand. She carefully unwrapped the towel and frowned at the sight before her. The cuts appeared superficial, but it was obvious just from sight that he had done some real damage. "Face, I want you to try and open and close your hand for me."

His color paled and his face contorted in pain, but his fingers remained still.

"Okay, I'm going to feel for any breaks. I'll try not to hurt you." Maggie ran her fingers across each joint as Hannibal tried to keep Face as still as possible. He jerked against her touch; the pain almost unbearable.

In the meantime, B.A. returned with the ice. "One more favor to ask of you, B.A. Can you get the portable x-ray machine we used a couple of weeks ago? It's down the hall in the closet."

"You got it, lil' mama," he said, shooting a worried glance in Face's direction.

The x-ray confirmed Maggie's suspicions…he had a broken hand. Three broken metacarpals to be precise. Face was still lying against Hannibal, except now he sported ice packs on his foot and his hand.

"I'm going to have to set your hand, Face. It's a procedure called reduction…which means I position the bones back to their normal position." She showed the team the x-ray and explained, "you have three fractures and, as you can see, the bone ends aren't lining up properly. I need to fix that so they can heal correctly. Usually this would be done under anesthesia in what is known as an open reduction, where I would make an incision and then go in and realign the bones. However, that isn't a viable option for us and I will have to perform a closed reduction."

Face was beyond comprehension at this point. Between his hand and foot he was in a world of pain and he just wanted it to end.

"What does that mean, Maggie?" Murdock asked.

"I'm going to manually manipulate the bone fragments back into position."

Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. were well aware by now of what they would have to do. Hannibal stayed where he was; B.A. grabbed Face's legs to stop him from kicking out in pain; and Murdock took a firm hold of Face's forearm.

"You ready?" Maggie asked, looking around at the men she had grown so fond of over the past month. One, by one, they nodded and she steeled herself for what was to come. She prayed that Face would pass out from the pain, but no such luck.

The first metacarpal went back into place rather quickly, but it was all downhill from there. The second one just didn't want to go to where Maggie wanted it and Face screamed out in pain as the fractured ends of the bone scraped together. He was bathed in cold sweat and delirious by the time she got to work on bone number three.

"Okay, all set. Let's take another picture."

"Crap, just what I feared. Look here." She pointed on two tiny spots to the left of the bone, one a little lower than the break, the other a little higher. "The bone splintered. I have to go in and get those splinters out. Damn, I so hoped I wouldn't need to cut him again."

Face only whimpered when she cleaned his hand to prepare him for the incision, there seemed to be no energy left in him. That changed the moment he saw the scalpel. Between the three of them they had big trouble holding Face who had gone rigid trying to break their grasp.

"No, no please, don't. Xin, không." Maggie saw him trying to curl his fingers inside and reached out to keep them straight before he snapped those bones out of place again. "No, không, please, don't cut my fingers off, I didn't take it, I swear, please, nooo…" Finally the strain of fighting mixed with the pain and the emotions of the flashback became too much and his eyes rolled back in his head.

"Let's get it done while he's out." Maggie removed the splinters and stitched him up as fast as she could. "Now BA, I don't have the supplies for broken bones here. I need something long and hard, about as wide as his hand. A piece of wood or something plastic."

"You got it. Moments later he reappeared with an assortment of chop boards and flat wooden ladles from the kitchen.

"The ladles are long enough but not wide enough."

"Just give me a minute." BA placed two of them side by side on a chop board, cut the rest of the board off and fixed it all together with duct tape."

"Perfect, now wrap some more duct tape around to get a clean surface and then wipe it with some disinfectant for me and hold it up." BA did as told and Maggie wrapped the whole thing in clean bandages. Then it was placed under Face's hand and lower arm. She wrapped his fingers tightly on it to immobilize them, made sure to not apply too much pressure to his scraped open knuckles and around the incision and then continued to immobilize his wrist. After that she wrapped another thick bandage around to cover everything. As soon as she was done she put her fists into her hip and glared at Hannibal.

"Colonel John Smith, care to explain what the hell got into you? You were in here to stop him from injuring himself and instead you get him so angry that he stands on his leg and breaks his own hand on the wall."

"Sorry, I pushed a bit too far but he needed to vent some anger out of his system before it eats him alive. Too many bad memories are surfacing right now. And with his childhood memories it's always difficult to predict his reaction."

"That's why me and the big guy here prevented you from coming inside until they finished talking. The damage was done by then and Face really needed to let it out."

"And I held him up by the waist to stop him from putting too much weight on that leg of his."

Maggie exhaled loudly."Was it something I should know?"

"Maybe that he was given Marijuana and alcohol at a young age."

"That would be part of the reason why he has such bad reactions to medication."

"I want to remove the stitches in his leg once he's out. I wanted to wait for tomorrow, but it's healed enough. If you promise to watch him and keep him from moving around it will spare him some pain."

As she worked she asked "What was that flashback about?"

Hannibal stroked some hair out of Face's forehead as he remembered. "It was in Nam…in the camps. Somebody had stolen food and a guard accused Face. Said he saw him with food he wasn't supposed to have. They dragged him from our cage; he had been returned not long before and was in a bad shape. We pleaded with them that it could never have been him, he was with them for over 24 hours, but they wouldn't have any of it. They threatened to cut off his fingers one by one until they were all gone or the real thief stepped forward. They prepared getting a table to the place before the cages and put his right hand on it, then brought out a knife and got ready. Face was screaming and begging and just when the knife was placed on his little finger the guard that had accused him started laughing and saying something in Vietnamese that we didn't understand. The others joined in his laughter and instead of cutting off his fingers kicked and beat him until he was just a lifeless heap in the middle of the open space. They left him there and we thought he was dead. It was hours later that we heard a low moan and the guard in charge called to some others to drag him back to us. We really thought we had lost him that day. Later on the guard that had accused him came leisurely walking over with a piece of bread in his hand and said in broken English "Sorry, slipped my mind that I took it." BA almost tore the cage into pieces.

When Face woke up hours later he was still propped up against Hannibal with his leg resting on a pillow and his right arm on an even bigger one.

"Is the pain bearable?"

"It's okay." After some silence Face spoke again, "You must hate me now, I'm sorry I disappointed you."

"What are you talking about?"

"I know how you hate junkies and how you thought I was so strong, but I wasn't strong enough to say no to the drugs offered to me."

"Face, you were just a boy."

"But still I knew it was wrong. But, I just…just…"

"Just what? It's okay, kid, you can talk to me."

"I just didn't want to hurt anymore…and the drugs took away the pain."

"It wasn't your fault, Face."

"But you don't understand, Hannibal. It wasn't that I couldn't stop…I didn't want to stop. I'll understand if you want to leave me." Face moved to lean forward, to let Hannibal out from under him. He gasped and saw stars as he jostled his hand slightly and he fell back.

Hannibal held Face still encouraging. "Breathe, kid, breathe. That's it…in through your nose…out through your mouth."

Once his breathing had stabilized, Hannibal said, "I'm not going anywhere, so just get that right out of your mind. I'm not disappointed in you…quite the opposite."

"But…but…I used drugs."

"Yes, which is sad. It's sad that you had nobody else to turn to and that you had to turn to drugs. I hate drugs for what they can do to people, but I don't hate the person doing the drugs. Can you understand the difference?" Face nodded his head; a difficult task as it was starting to feel heavy. "When did you stop?"

Face's voice was growing weaker, the pain starting to intensify. "Father Maghill found me smoking behind the dormitory when I was about 16. By that point I had slowed down a lot anyway. The father's influence on me I guess. How I managed to hide it from everybody all those years, I'll never know. It never stopped me from playing sports or doing my school work."

"No, instead it just masked all of your feelings and emotions."

"A small price to pay to forget."

"But look at what you are going through now."

"I thought I had everything under control…really I did. Then Leslie came back and it was like everything started to come back and hit me at once. Guess I'm not as strong as I thought."

"No, you aren't," Hannibal said. Face's shoulders slumped at his response. "You aren't as strong…you are much stronger."

"Th…thanks. But I…I'm not…feeling very…strong right now," he muttered.

Hannibal could hear the strain and feel the trembles. "You doing okay, kid?"

"Hand…hurts," Face moaned.

"God, I'm sorry kid. I shouldn't have pushed you so hard, but you needed to talk."

"I know…it feels good talking to you. But do me a favor?"

"Anything, kid."

Face smirked in spite of his misery. "Next time…don't duck."


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26:

Face smirked in spite of his misery. "Next time…don't duck."

Hannibal laughed. "Let's just hope there isn't a next time."

Face's head and hand were throbbing and it was getting hard to focus enough on anything else to form a sentence. But there was one more thing Hannibal needed to know. "I…I…never took any…drugs…in Nam…ever. Wanted to…but didn't."

"What stopped you, Face? If ever there was a reason to get high to escape, it was Vietnam."

"Had…you…guys. Didn't need…anything…else." He took a breath and added, "Plus…B.A. would…have pounded me…if I tried. Bet…he…isn't very happy…with….me…now."

"B.A. doesn't think anything less of you. The people who hurt you, however, better hope he never crosses their path." Face was slumping deeper against Hannibal and it was easy to see that he was struggling. "Don't try to talk anymore, just rest."

Face wanted to rest, but the pressure building inside of his head was intolerable. His eyes hurt and his vision was becoming increasingly blurry. He began to sweat even though he had the chills. He was headed straight for a full blown migraine and there was nothing he could do about it.

Hannibal felt the little tremors going through Face's body. "Kid, are you alright? Do you need anything?"

"Head hurts…going to…migraine."

"Oh no kid, I'm sorry. Now of all times. Let me get Maggie, see if she can do anything for you."

"No, no please don't go, I'm alright. Don't leave." The speed with which the words came out of Face's mouth and the redness of the back of his ears told Hannibal two things. One, that he had spoken aloud what he had been thinking but not meaning to give away; the fact that he craved physical touch, that he enjoyed being held and feeling the warmth of another human body. And two, that he was embarrassed like hell about his outburst.

Hannibal held Face close to his body. "It's okay kid, I'll be back. But I really need to take a leak and call Maggie before this migraine gets too far. Lean forward a bit and let me slip out but be careful with your hand. I'll ease you back into the pillows; they are nicely warm from my body."

With a growing sadness Hannibal remembered the story Face had told. How he crawled into the bed the whore had just vacated just to catch a little human warmth. He had to shake his head to lose the image of the little boy lying in bed and right now he wanted nothing more than to go and rip every single person that ever hurt that boy into shreds. He reached out and touched Face's still flushed cheek. "I'll be just a minute. You know if you need some human touch you can come to us, all of us. We understand Face, everybody needs some human touch from time to time, and some more than others." If possible Face flushed even more.

When he was at the door he turned around again, "And kid…son, I want you to never forget that I'm proud of you. No matter what happened in your life, the things I know and those I don't, nothing can change that. I've seen you grow to be one of the best men I know, regardless of what life threw your way. If you ever feel like you are ready to talk or just need a shoulder to lean on I'll always be there for you…and so are BA and Murdock."

Maggie appeared moments later. "Hannibal told me you feel a migraine coming on. How bad is it?"

"Head hurts and feel cold and warm…nauseous."

"Unfortunately there is little I can do for you in terms of medication. Your usual migraine meds are very strong and I don't want to risk them mixing with the antibiotics but I can't also take you off them just now. The only thing I can do is increase the level of fluids we get into you."

By the time Hannibal came back into the room a couple of minutes later she had the IV bag ready but waited for Hannibal just in case. She set it and started the line. "I want to take him to six bags a day as long as the migraine is on. That's the only thing I can do. Apart from that keep the room as dark and quiet as possible, keep warm and make sure you rest. Maybe you are lucky for once and it's the four hour type rather than the three day one. How's the hand?"

"Hurts…but bearable."

"Make sure you don't jostle it too much. I'll put it in a cast for you tomorrow when the swelling is down. That will help immobilize it more than now."

When Maggie left the room Face started to shift uncomfortably.

"What's it kid?"

"Um Hannibal…could you…I mean…what you did earlier….could you again…" Face's complexion was flushed pink by now.

"You mean hold you?"

Just a tiny nod a dropped head and downcast eyes were his answers. Hannibal gently raised Face's chin with his fingers. "Always kid. Nothing to be ashamed of. "

They remained glued to each other for a long time and Face never wanted to let go. Unfortunately, the increased amount of fluid intake also caused some to demand being let out again and that meant breaking contact.

Hannibal would have to get up to retrieve the bedpan and assist Face in relieving himself. At first Face objected weeks ago when they insisted he remain in bed and go in the plastic container. They would always turn away and allow him as much privacy as they could. But now, between his hand, foot and head, there was no other option.

After emptying the bedpan for about the fifth time, Hannibal returned to the room to find Face panting and gripping the side of the bed tightly with his good hand. "Face, what's going on?" he asked in as low a voice as possible knowing that even the slightest noise was painful.

"Can't see…hurts…like knife…in skull," Face whimpered.

"Hold on to me, son," he said, guiding Face's hand into his own. Hannibal was amazed how the severity seemed to increase in a matter of minutes. "Slow your breathing."

"Can't…hurts…can't…breathe."

Hannibal felt helpless. He reached for a cloth and dipped it in a bowl of ice cold water that was on the nightstand with his free hand. "I'm going to put a cold cloth on your forehead." Face was hyperventilating; his chest was heaving as he struggled to get the air in and out.

B.A. was walking down the hall when he heard strange noises coming from Face's room. He popped his head in the door to see Face gasping for air.

"Get Maggie," Hannibal mouthed.

By the time Maggie returned, followed closely by B.A. and Murdock, Face was unconscious. Hannibal explained what happened as Maggie took his vital signs.

"His vitals all look okay. He's running a slight fever and his heart rate is elevated, but that is probably due to the migraine. He passed out because he wasn't getting enough oxygen in. It's a blessing, because what he needs most is quiet and sleep…now maybe he can get it."

"I'll stay with him, colonel," Murdock volunteered.

"I can stay, too," B.A. added.

"I'm not leaving him," Hannibal said, still holding onto the limp hand.

Maggie couldn't help but smile at the group of macho fugitives arguing over who got to play nurse. "Why don't you all stay. Just keep the lights off and be quiet." She looked at Murdock and B.A. "That means no fighting…you got me?"

"Yes ma'am," they answered in unison lowering their heads like scolded school boys.

There was no fighting, or even talking over the next four hours while Face was out cold. Every once in a while they would make eye contact with each other, only to look away and get lost back in their own thoughts.

Murdock thought back at all the times Face would spring him from the VA. They would have so much fun coming up with the different plans to get him out. Face was the smart one; Face was the confident one; Face was the first person he always went to with all of his problems. Murdock was feeling guilty. 'Maybe I spent so much time complaining to Face about all of my mental disorders, that I never took the time to ask him how he was doing?'

B.A. was feeling guilty as well. He was always making fun of Face for the fancy way he dressed or the way he put on airs to get into fancy restaurants. There were countless times that Face would help him at the afterschool program. Little did B.A. know, but Face probably had it worse than the majority of the kids he saw. 'I shoulda cut him more slack. The man was sufferin' and I didn't even notice.'

Hannibal observed his men before him. He loved them all as sons; they were his boys. Face, however, would always hold a special place in his heart. He was confident and cocky on the outside, but Hannibal could see through that facade. His eyes revealed a different story. He was young, scared and confused. They were at war, though, and it was easy to blame it on the horrors they witnessed on a daily basis. 'Who would have thought that Face entered the Army with more baggage than most would even leave with?'

Face awoke relieved to find that his headache had lessened to a dull ache. He opened his eyes slowly and saw the guys huddled around him. "Hey," he rasped.

"How are you feeling, Face," Hannibal asked.

"Okay."

"How's the pain?"

"Better, much better," he slurred drifting back off.

He only wished he could say the same thing when Maggie came to examine his hand a few hours later.

"I'm happy to hear that your migraine has reduced and is about to vanish. I want to check your hand now, see if the swelling has gone down enough to put it in a cast. First thing I remove the outer bandage and then the one covering your middle hand and knuckles. I'll leave the fingers and wrist tied. It's important that you don't try to move your fingers."

She did and was pleased to see the swelling was down enough and nothing looked infected. BA had gone to a pharmacy earlier on and had brought back all things needed for a cast.

"Looks good Face, I can now put it in a cast. I want to feel along the bones to make sure they are still in place. The last thing we need is them growing together at a wrong angle. In that case you would end up needing surgery to get them broken and realigned again."

Face thought it couldn't be all that bad, but he was wrong. Though Maggie tried to be gentle, she had to press down to get a good feeling and it hurt like hell. Face was pale and sweating, griping Hannibal's hand with his good one. He was able to hold it together until she came to the index finger, where the incision had been made.

"Oww, stop, please stop."

"Sorry Face, it's the most sensible one because of the prodding I did do get the splinters out. Let me just get it over with."

Murdock was fast to again put a towel in Face's mouth and it was all over very fast. Only the look on Maggie's face did not speak of satisfaction.

Hannibal was first to speak, "Maggie? What's the problem?"

"I'm not entirely satisfied with this one, because of the missing splinters it shifts too easily and has even shifted a bit to the side already. It's also the one bone in the hand that bends more and therefore can shift out of place at the slightest movement. However, there's nothing I can do. I would under normal circumstances advise to go to a surgeon and get it fixed with a wire but that would mean hospital and also…"

"Can't Mark do it? He's a surgeon." Hannibal jumped in.

"…and also we can still not risk any anesthetic or pain meds and to wire the bone together would just be too painful. We just have to hope. All I can do is make sure the hand and fingers are really immobilized without the slightest chance to move."

"But what if it grows together wrongly?" Murdock was concerned while Face was still trying to get the pain under control and not really following the discussion.

"Then we can see if Mark can do the surgery later on, at least by then we can use anesthetics and pain meds."

"Face, I need you to hold your fingers tight together, the same way they are fixed now. I'm going to untie them now to transfer your hand from our makeshift splint to a proper one. It's going to hurt but there's no way around it. Murdock, please place your hand over his fingers and help him. Ready?"

She carefully undid the bandages around the fingers and wrist and then slid the new splint between the old one and the hand, trying to move it as little as possible. She then fixed them back in place and prepared the plaster. Face breathed through the agony of the procedure and dropped into an exhausted sleep the moment she finished her ministrations.

"Maggie, why is he still in so much pain? I had broken bones before and I remember that once they were treated and immobilized the pain was okay. And why is the pain having such an effect on his respiration? Are you sure there's nothing wrong with his lungs?" Hannibal was too concerned for his lieutenant.

"John, when you had a broken bone, what general condition were you in before then and had you been given pain meds?"

One look at him and Maggie smiled a little. "Thought as much. Pain from broken bones is a terrible pain and he is very weak. He feels everything like tenfold worse. Pain triggers different individual reactions. For Face it was most likely what triggered his migraine and it is affecting his respiration. Not one of the common things pain triggers but, then again, what is ever common with Face? Don't worry, there's nothing wrong with his lungs, I've been listening to them and will continue to do so just to be sure. Breathing sounds simple but requires a lot of muscles and it is quite an effort to someone as weak as Face is by now. All things considered he is holding up very well. You can be proud of that boy John, he's a real fighter."

Hannibal was looking down at Face's sleeping form and gently squeezed the hand he was still holding as he whispered, "That I am Maggie, that I am."

Mark stopped by the next day to check on Face's foot. After Maggie filled him in on the state of his broken hand, Mark said, "I really think he needs the surgery now. If we wait and the bones mend improperly, his hand will have to be rebroken. That is not a risk I think worth taking."

"I know, but without anesthetic it would just be cruel. Setting the bones the first time was bad, and this would be so much worse."

Mark nodded. "You're right, but I think this is a decision for Face to make."

A short while later, Face lay in bed trying to figure out what to do. The very idea of another unmedicated procedure, especially one as involved as this one, made his hand throb just thinking about it. The prospect of having his hand broken again in order to fix it, however, wasn't exactly appealing either. But at least he could be given medication. "What could happen if we wait and I have it fixed down the line?"

"The chances of permanent disability greatly increase," Mark said.

"I was afraid of that," Face groaned. "Typical, I was just starting to feel a bit better this morning. That's about to change."

"Does that mean you want to go ahead with the surgery?" Hannibal asked.

"No," Face answered resolutely. "But I think it's the best choice. I can't risk having a hand that doesn't work…especially in our line of business."

"Isn't there anything you can give him for the pain?" Murdock asked.

"What about the stuff you shot him up with before, Maggie?" B.A. added.

"Lidocaine?" Maggie looked over to Mark. "What do you think? He was able to tolerate it before and at that point he was on a much stronger antibiotic."

"I'll be honest…" Mark started.

"Why is it every time one of you doctors say 'I'll be honest' I break out into a sweat?" Face joked.

Mark smiled sympathetically before continuing. "It may take some of the edge off, but with this kind of operation, you should really be under general anesthesia."

Hannibal frowned, then looked at Maggie. "You sedated Face before…why can't you do it again?"

"That was before he became so worn down. It's too hazardous outside of a hospital at this point. I'm also worried about the aftereffects he would suffer. He can't afford to become that violently ill again."

"The entire procedure, from the injections of lidocaine until the closing stitches, should take about an hour to 90 minutes," Mark said.

"That long?" Face asked surprised and horrified at the same time.

"Afraid so. We have to be quite precise and make sure everything is in line to ensure proper healing."

Face felt himself starting to shake with nerves and was grateful when Hannibal came and sat next to him on the bed. "Okay…when do you want to do it?"

"There is no reason to put it off. I need to gather some supplies from my office, but I think we can get underway within the hour."

Hannibal stayed with Face while the others completed tasks assigned to them by Mark to prepare a sterile environment again.

"I'm scared," Face confessed.

"I know," Hannibal said squeezing his thigh. "I am too. Whatever happens, kid, I'm not going to leave your side."

"With any luck I'll pass out quickly this time," Face added hopefully.

But, as with much that had occurred over the course of the prior month, luck was not to be on his side yet again and he was about to experience the longest 75 minutes of his life.

If the Lidocaine took any edge off he really didn't want to know how it would feel without it. At least the others had it easier to hold his arm steady than his leg. Face had the towel once again between his teeth but could not help the groans that escaped. About 30 minutes into the procedure he could not form any coherent thought and after an hour he clearly was not in the here and now anymore. Only when Mark had finished and the pain had died down a bit did he drift into a fitful sleep.

"You have to take those wires out again, don't you?" Hannibal dreaded more pain for Face.

"Yeah, when it's fully healed in about six weeks to three months. It depends, but it's nothing urgent and can wait until he is strong enough to be sedated."

"Won't it be painful to have those wires under the skin?" Murdock was playing with his own hand and imagining how it would feel if something was there.

"Since there is not much tissue there it will be uncomfortable and probably painful when there's pressure on it. At first he'll wear a cast and I'll make sure there's no pressure and when the cast comes off he has to be careful. He probably won't appreciate it if you pat him on the hand for some time." Mark tried to lighten the mood a little. "Let him rest now, he'll be in a world of pain when he wakes up. It will take a while for the pain from all the cutting and prodding to die down to an acceptable level and the effect from the lidocaine will be gone. We can move him back to the bed later."

When Face woke a while later he felt intense pain in his hand, leg and head. His instinct told him to keep his eyes closed and not give away the fact that he was awake to whoever had attacked him. He used his other senses to make out what happened. He was laying on something hard and flat like an operating table, but the room did not smell like a hospital. He knew that smell in and out, unfortunately. Were they waiting for him to wake up so they could continue torturing him? Not if he could help it. He didn't even remember being taken or what mission they were on right now. He heard voices of a man and a woman, definitely not his team mates. It was time to get out of there. He opened his eyes just a fraction, saw an open door and prepared to bolt for it.

He wondered where the team was. Were they in trouble? Had they been captured as well?

He hurt badly, but survival always trumped pain. His soldier instincts kicked in and he rolled himself off the bed and sprinted for the door. His hand was on the knob when he heard voices shouting at him. Two blurry figures were coming toward him slowly. He needed to get out the door, but his body wouldn't cooperate. The voices were yelling "Hannibal" repeatedly. Did that mean they had the colonel as well?

Maggie and Mark could not believe the sight before them. How Face was able to get on his feet in his current state was a mystery. His eyes looked wild and unfocused; he was obviously not aware of what was happening. Their only hope was that Hannibal could get through to him in time to prevent more damage.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27:

Hannibal heard his name being yelled from down the hall. He had just stepped away for a few minutes to brush his teeth and clean up a bit. Face had been out cold when he left him or else he would have stayed put. "Damn," Hannibal muttered, running toward the room. As he got closer he could see Face standing in the doorway. "Face," he tried. "Face, it's Hannibal."

"Hannibal," Face slurred.

"That's right, it's me kid." He took a couple of steps closer.

"We have to get out of here."

"It's okay, Face. I'm going to grab your arm and help you walk, Okay?"

"Okay," he agreed. "Where are the others?"

"They are coming for us with the van." Hannibal saw that Face was beginning to weaken; he was swaying from side to side. He took his good arm and supported Face's weight. "Let's sit down and wait for them."

Face could barely see anymore, the dizziness was so bad. All he knew was that Hannibal was here and he said that everything was okay.

Hannibal led Face back to the table and helped him to lay down. "Just stay still and try not to move." He shook his head at Maggie and Mark indicated that they should stay put until Face became more coherent.

"Hannibal, what happened?" Face asked a short while later.

Instead of answering Face's question, Hannibal asked him one in reply. "Do you know where you are?"

"Yeah, at your place. " The pain seemed to hit him at once and he tried to curl into a ball.

Hannibal reached out to stop him. "I know you hurt, kid, but don't move yet. Maggie and Mark need to look you over. You tried to run out the door a few minutes ago."

"I…I…don't…remember…that." He was breathing hard and trying to stay in control. "I'm…sorry."

"Don't worry, Face," Maggie said coming into his line of view. "Is it okay if we check you out?" Face nodded his approval. "Where does it hurt?"

"My hand."

Maggie carefully examined the hand while Mark seemed more concerned with Face's foot. "How about your foot?" The flesh looked swollen and red, and definite change from earlier in the day.

"Hurts." Face could barely get that one word out. Hannibal was practically lying on Face to keep him still while Maggie carefully looked at his fingers.

Maggie looked relieved. "Everything looks intact. The pain you are feeling is from the procedure, but you didn't do any more harm." She could see the perplexed look on Mark's face. "What's wrong?"

"He must have landed directly on the incision area where we just removed the stitches. It is swelling up at an alarming rate…fluid is building up. Don't forget, those tissues have not supported any weight for quite some time either." Mark continued to probe the area while Hannibal struggled to keep Face down. "I'm going to drain it to relieve some of the pressure. Maggie, we may need Murdock and B.A. for this."

"You're not going to cut him again, are you?" Hannibal asked quietly. Face wouldn't have heard anyways, as he was too lost in agony to hear anything.

"I'm going to try to use a needle first to draw out the fluid. But, if that doesn't work…" his voice trailed off as no further explanation was needed.

BA and Murdock came running into the room after Maggie had yelled for them. They had been outside by the van and had missed the earlier commotion. They held Face's legs while Hannibal kept pinning him down and talking to him. Maggie had the difficult task of keeping his hand still while simultaneously assisting Mark.

Mark was able to drain quite some liquid but what really worried Hannibal was that Face did not show any sign of having felt the needle. He was in so much agony that it seemed the pain level didn't even rise anymore, or at least it didn't register. A few minutes after Mark finished Face finally passed out.

"Don't worry Hannibal. At a point it simply gets too much to differentiate." Maggie had noticed it too and anticipated Hannibal's question.

"If he keeps pulling such stunts he'll never heal."

"It's not his fault Mark."

"I know, it's the pain and I truly hate it. My job is to make people better, not worse."

"You're helping him…he knows you can't do anything for the pain." Hannibal was so grateful for his help, without him Face would be in a hospital by now, maybe even a prison infirmary.

"It's just that we were right here and couldn't prevent it. Sedated patients wake up slowly, they don't just jump off the table."

"Hmph, you don't know the Faceman. Even if he was sedated the same thing might have happened. If he doesn't want ya to know he's up you never will." BA shook his head at his fallen teammate wondering if he was finally recovering or more rubbish would happen.

"BA's right. Face had a lot of training at waking up unnoticed at the hand of the VC and a never ending assortment of goons," and in a small voice Murdock added, "and probably before then too."

"I should never have pushed him to talk, not in his condition. Then we wouldn't be here right now. He would have healed some and felt better."

"Or he would have healed on the outside while crumpling to pieces on the inside. You did the right thing colonel. There was a reason why he told us. Trust me, I'm an expert on the field of suppressed memories."

"You're not an expert…you're nuts."

"Same difference."

They once again sat around Face's bed but since he didn't show signs of waking up they took turns and got some rest while Face was out. He slept through the rest of the day and the night and didn't wake up properly until midmorning. He looked around and saw BA and Maggie.

At the slightest movement he had BA's massive hand on his chest. "Do so much as think of movin' and I'll sit right on top of you 'til you're healed."

Face wanted to speak but nothing came out. He was awkwardly trying to moisten his lips with his tongue. Maggie handed BA a bowl with ice chips and he placed one after the next in Face's mouth until he made another attempt and croaked out "Wouldn't heal….suffocate."

"Maggie, he's definitely better."

"How are you feeling Face"

"Hurts"

"Where?"

"All over"

"Which part is worst?"

"Hand….no….foot…both."

"How's the head?"

"Better."

Face soon drifted off again. When he woke up BA was still there.

"Hey there, need anything?"

"No."

"BA?"

"Yeah man, I'm here."

"I'm sorry…'bout the drugs."

"What you talkin' 'bout man? You know Maggie can't give you anythin'."

"At the center…when you lecture the kids….about drugs….I…I shouldn't have been there…bad example."

"Ah man, there's somethin' wrong with you. You are out cold for close to two days and the first thing you do is self loathing. I think Maggie and Mark need to do some rewiring to your noggin'. That or you get to bunk in with the fool. And yes, you are a very bad example..."

"Sor…."

"Don't even say it, let me finish. You are a bad example because I lecture them that taking drugs would turn them into criminals, bad people, that they could steel and hurt others without consciously wanting too. I don't tell them how little kids don't see no other way than to take drugs to forget what happened to them and to not fall apart. Half of them would say, see my life is so bad that's what I need the drugs for. I'm trying to make them strong and not give them excuses."

"I'm one of the …the weak ones."

"No, you're not. I didn't mean it to come out that way. You're very strong. You managed to stop all on your own and nobody is blamin' you for starting in the first place. If anybody does, send them to me. In Nam I watched you and I never caught you using. I thought you would be tempted sometimes when it got bad, you were younger than the rest of us with less experience, but I never caught you."

"I wasn't…didn't need to…had you guys."

"Told you that you was strong." After a look at the watch he said, "Hannibal should soon be here to relieve me. Another fool, is beating himself up for pushing you to talk."

"Sounds silly….feels better…..now it's out….after so many years."

As Face was talking Hannibal came in. "Hey Face! Good to see you up!" In a hushed tone he added, "Just a warning, Murdock has been cooking again and he's right behind me."

"I'll get the bucket," B.A. grumbled.

Face held a hand, his good hand, up. "No, that's okay. I think I might actually be up to eating something…even one of Murdock's crazy concoctions."

"Boy am I glad to hear that, Facey," Murdock smiled from the door frame. "Because do I have a treat for you!"

"This oughtta be good," Hannibal said under his breath to B.A.

"Good? Nothin' that fool makes could be considered good."

"Voila!" Murdock said taking the lid off of the tray he was carrying. "Prune Pancakes alla Pilot…with a side of toast."

Face swallowed hard at the mention of prunes. Luckily B.A. spoke up before he had to.

"Faceman don't need no prunes, crazy man. He trying to keep everything inside of him."

"But, the toast sounds good," Face smiled. "Thanks Murdock."

"Anytime pal. Chuck was eyeing those pancakes anyway."

"Chuck?" Face asked, looking bewildered.

B.A. shook his head. "Don't ask…if you don't remember, you don't wanna know."

Face managed to eat almost a full piece of toast before he felt his stomach start to rebel. Hannibal saw the green tint to his skin and said, "You did real good, Face. Why don't we save the rest for later?"

Face lay back and closed his eyes willing the nausea to go away, while Hannibal pulled the bucket a little closer just in case. They were all happy when a few minutes later his color had returned to normal and the bucket wasn't needed.

The guys made small talk while Face mostly listened. Their constant banter made him feel safe and as if things were the way they should be. That is until B.A. made an innocent comment that triggered a bad memory.

"You better not try and feed them prune-cakes to Chuck…he might kill himself before your cookin' does the trick."

The words were out of Face's mouth before he had a chance to think about it. "I tried to kill myself once." Three heads snapped up and looked in his direction, and he immediately wished he could rewind and take the words back in.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28:

"What…when?" Murdock asked.

"Um…I…was a kid. Probably about eleven or twelve." His face began to redden. "It wasn't a big deal."

"You tried to off yourself, man," B.A. countered. "That's a big deal."

"How did you…I mean…what did you…what did you do?" Hannibal wasn't sure it was something he wanted to know. The thought of a young boy…a young Face…being so miserable that he would want to end it all was devastating.

"The first time I took a bunch of pills and chased them down with half a bottle of vodka." Face shifted uncomfortably, from both the intense physical pain and the scrutiny of his friends. "I remember waking up and crying because I was still alive. I couldn't even manage to do that right."

Murdock rubbed Face's arm. "I'm so glad you didn't do it right."

"Me too, man," B.A. said. "Me too."

'He said the first time?' Hannibal thought. 'That meant there were other times.' Hannibal figured that since Face brought it up himself, he might as well ask the question. "You said the first time, Face…what did you mean?"

Face stiffened…had he said that? "Um…well…I guess you could say that I went to Nam with the intent of not coming back." While that was true, it wasn't what Hannibal was asking. Sure enough Hannibal saw through him.

"Is that it?"

"No, there was one other time, but it isn't important now."

"C'mon Face, it will do you good to get it out," Hannibal pressed. It wasn't that he was trying to pry, he just knew that Face held so much in that needed to come out.

Face froze, unsure of what to do. If he told them the truth it could hurt them, but if he held it back they would think he didn't trust them. He took a deep breath and decided to take the chance. "It was in Ecuador. The reason I went to the beach was…was to…was to end the pain."

"Oh Face," Murdock moaned. "You didn't."

Face felt the tears coming. "I failed again. I only caused myself and all of you so much more pain. But…I…I…didn't know what…what else to do. Everything was spinning out of control. I felt like I was losing everything. Leslie chose a life without me and you all…" Face stopped, he didn't want to continue; didn't want to make them feel bad.

B.A. finished for him. "We treated you like crap the entire time."

Hannibal was overcome with guilt and emotion. He couldn't bear that thought that they were so close to losing Face and part of the reason was because they had been so insensitive to his feelings. The walls felt like they were closing in…he had to get out of there. He stood abruptly and fled from the room.

Face watched in horror as Hannibal ran out of the room in what he could only assume was anger. "What have I done?" he whispered. The mental strain was too much to take coupled with the pain from his injuries. He felt hot all over and the room was spiraling in rapid circles. Murdock and B.A. were calling his name but they sounded far away. "Sorry…so sorry," he moaned. "Forgive me." And then he gave in to the pain.

"Stay with him fool and stay focused. I'm going to do something I didn't do since my early time in Nam, at least not as often."

"That would be?"

"Pounding an officer. And right after I'm through with him I'm going to find this priest and question him how a young kid can try to kill himself and they still don't see that there's a major problem and he needs help."

BA was gone before Murdock even had a chance to react. He couldn't remember ever having seen BA that furious before.

Hannibal had just stood outside in the hall to try and reign in his emotions. The same question that had come to his mind earlier came back, 'how could we not have seen this?' He would never have been able to forgive himself if the kid had gone through with his plan. After a while he decided to go for some coffee and then return to Face.

Maggie and Mark were surprised to see Hannibal entering the kitchen since he had been glued to Face's side whenever he was awake over the last couple of days. They were more surprised when a furious BA came in right after Hannibal, turning him round at the shoulder and without one word send a blow to his jaw that made him fall back into the kitchen counter.

"Of all the stupid things you have to run out on him again. You promised him to be there for him and when he reveals part of himself, first chance you get you run off. I thought your word counted more, colonel."

Hannibal was stunned not only because of the blow he just received but also because BA was right. He hadn't even thought of how this would look to Face. "I didn't run off! I…I needed…the walls were closing in."

"Sure thing, because walls do that all the time." BA shook his head, "I can't believe it. You panicked…you of all people. Even the fool held it together. What did you think just running out of the room? You know what you mean to Face, want him to try again and not fail this time? In his condition it wouldn't be too difficult I guess."

Hannibal paled "BA, I…I almost lost him…and caused it."

"Not you, we. We almost lost him and we caused it. Can't take all the credit though, Leslie was there too. This is not about you, it's about him. If you continue running out of his room you'll lose him for good and I won't stand by and watch."

"I'm sorry to interrupt your private conversation but this seems to be about Face. Whatever did you do again?" Maggie who had been watching the scene before her had finally found her voice and was beyond pissed even before she knew what went on.

BA and Hannibal had forgotten that they were not alone and Maggie's words threw BA off his game a little and took some of the rage from him. Hannibal gave her and Mark only the briefest of information about Ecuador, wanting to let Face decide if he told her more about the earlier incident.

"Then what are you standing around here? Get back to that boy!"

"No need…he's out cold. Fool's with him."

Hannibal dropped into a chair, all energy drained from him. If he minded that they still had an audience it didn't show. "BA, I should have seen some signs…anything. We've know him for so long."

"And he's practiced hiding his emotions even longer. Plus we didn't really look. We was too busy teasing him."

"Did you ever notice anything in Nam?"

"Nah, was a bit reckless when he just joined but that's with a lot of FNG's"

"That's just it, BA. He wasn't new. He was new to our unit but had been with a different one, or rather several different ones before. He should have lost this reckless streak by then. I should have noticed it even then. CO's were passing him on saying he's a liability, can't take orders, constantly in trouble, reckless as hell…"

"And how would you have seen it? He's good at hiding and you didn't even know him then. Ray and I made bets on how long he would last until we noticed something. He only went reckless if it helped others; if he could draw Charlie away from someone else. And after a while we thought he had improved his skills; still helping the others but without putting himself on the line every damn time. Maybe he hadn't improved but given up on his death wish."

Hannibal's voice was quiet "because he had finally found a family. And we chose the worst possible time to behave like complete jerks."

"We did, and we aren't the first who did that. I'm going to find that priest and ask him a few friendly questions."

"BA, you're going nowhere. How do you think Face would feel about that? Besides he needs you here. Needs someone to keep his head while his CO loses his."

BA nodded "For now you win. But it ain't right…it just ain't right."

Face woke some time later and found only Murdock was with him. The memory of earlier came crashing back and he groaned, 'What have I done? I finally drove them off. Why do I talk so damn much when I'm sick.'

"Murdock, why are you still around?"

"Where else would I be?"

"Hannibal…I drove him off for good. Have to follow your CO."

"No, for two reasons. I don't have to follow anyone and I already told you I'll stay with you come hell and high water. And second, he's not gone, just panicked a little. It was too much for him to hear he had almost lost you."

"But…but BA.."

"BA's gone after him. Ehm…to see if he needs something. They'll be back soon." Murdock thought it best not to inform Face about BA's plan as of now. "You need anything?"

"No"

There was silence for a while. "So you went to the beach in search of a shell and got yourself stung?"

Face chuckled a little at that. "You are the one who reads all these books. I didn't even know those things can be poisonous. No… I …I didn't have a plan when I went there. It's just…I always felt safe at the beach, it's calming. And when I saw the waves crashing to the beach I just thought how easy it would be to end it all there. Just go into the water and not come back. I had already taken off my shoes and stood in the water up to my ankles. All my hope was gone. Leslie, gone for good but she told me I'd always be in her heart. Where does that leave me? How can I ever go to another woman again? It would be like betraying her. I can never have a family because I'm not free to marry. And then the team…I thought all those years I was conned; that I didn't mean anything more to you than being the supply officer. A tag along that comes in handy some times. Stupid huh? Only I could want to save a pair of shoes from joining me in my fate."

"Sounds like you. Why didn't you go on then?"

"I couldn't. Couldn't do it right, just like the first time. I thought of me just disappearing and what it would do to you. I somehow had a feeling that you were still my friend and cared for me…even if the others didn't. Disappearing would maybe have been okay but then I had a mental image of my body being brought back to shore and you finding me and I couldn't do it. And then I felt the sting and thought something must have bitten me…wasn't much worse than when a bee bites you. The water wasn't clear, there was foam from the waves. I didn't even see the shell. And then Amy yelled for me to come, and that was all."

"Just keep that image stored in case you ever come to such a stupid idea again. I absolutely could not take you disappearing or killing yourself so just knock that right out of your head. And just so you know, if you ever try something like that again I'll kill you."

"Maybe you'll be more successful than me."

"Don't say something like that. It's not funny. The first time, how did the orphanage staff react? I mean being Catholic and all."

"Father was beyond pissed but I eventually managed to convince him that I didn't try to kill myself. I told him it was a game between some boys I met and me…who could drink more. And the drugs were in my system because I had a cold."

Murdock raised a brow at Face. "And he believed that?"

"Maybe wanted to believe it. I don't know. He gave me long lectures about being careless with the life God gave to me. He never let me out of his sight for quite some time afterwards, called it punishment and kept me close by making me help out in all kind of chores. I think it was the attention I got that kept me from trying again. Somebody cared and that was enough."

"Where did you get the stuff anyway? I don't think you could have scammed alcohol and drugs at this age."

"My foster father never locked up his stuff and he had so much of it he never noticed some was missing. Never saw him again afterwards… Father took me straight from the hospital to the orphanage. I don't know on whose incentive."

Face felt the pressure building in his head again. 'Please Lord, not another migraine,' he silently prayed. He rubbed the bridge of his nose with his good hand and let his eyes shut to block out the light.

"You okay, Face?" Murdock asked, noticing the pained expression he was wearing.

"My head hurts a bit." Face winced at the sound of his own voice in his ears.

"Are you feeling dizzy or nauseous?"

Face grunted in reply. He really didn't want to be sick in front of the guys again…especially not after what had just occurred. Along with the pain, his frustration was rising as well…more at himself than anybody else. He wanted to be alone to suffer without someone staring at him and asking him if he was okay. "Murdock, would you mind giving me a few minutes alone?"

Murdock frowned. "No can do, muchacho. I told you I was going to stay with you."

"Murdock, please, my head really hurts and I just want to turn off the lights and sleep it off some more."

Murdock hesitated before responding. While Face needed them around to support him, he was also entitled to some privacy. "Okay, but I'm leaving Billy here to stay watch."

"Thanks, Murdock," Face smiled weakly before pretending to fall asleep. He heard the pilot slip out of his room a few moments later. And Face began to cry.

Murdock met B.A. and Hannibal, who was sporting a swollen jaw, in the hall.

"How's Face?" Hannibal asked.

"As if you care." Murdock vented. "He was getting another headache and asked to be alone."

"I want to see him," Hannibal said, starting to walk again. "I have to explain."

Murdock grabbed his arm. "No way, Jose. You've done enough for now."

"He shouldn't be alone," Hannibal argued.

"The colonel's right…it's about damn time too," B.A. grumbled. "Seems you had no trouble leaving him a few minutes ago."

Hannibal sighed miserably. "I freaked out okay…I'm only human."

Murdock looked at the older man and was struck by just how sad he looked. He gave him a smile and said, "just give him a few minutes to collect himself. He told us some heavy stuff back there and it couldn't have been easy."

They stood in the hall for a while just listening in case Face needed them. Even if they weren't going to be in the room with him, they sure as heck weren't going to go far.

The pain was building and Face felt as if he was losing it. His hand was excruciating…followed closely by his raging headache and aching foot. The tears started to flow and he wasn't sure they would ever stop. He cried for the child he once was and the man he wished he could be. And then he screamed…


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29:

Three men bolted for the door as one; different thoughts going through their heads. Had he fallen from the bed? Had he tried to get up again? Had he tried to run away from them? When they opened the door however they found him right where they left him, on the bed, seemingly without any new injuries. He just lay there, his hand and leg both supported by a pillow and screaming while tears ran down freely.

Maggie and Mark had heard the screams and came running, looking bewildered at the sight in front of them. As they made to move toward Face's side to check him over and find out what's wrong, Murdock stopped them. He knew the warning signs of a nervous breakdown when he saw them. He had enough practice over the many years in the VA, let alone with his own mind. He did the one thing he had wished others would have done for him sometimes. He took over control and ordered everyone out. Everyone but him.

It took a bit of arguing but within half a minute the door was closed and he was alone with Face who was still screaming animalistic screams. A few more minutes and Face's screams turned to hoarse cries until they died down. Murdock guessed this was his clue, he had been waiting for just the right moment for this to work, timing was essential here. He was pretty sure Face did not know what was going on around him and that he wasn't alone. At least that was always the way for Murdock until the embarrassing moment where he realized half the VA was standing around him. If he made himself known by touching Face too early he would end up embarrassing him and not achieve anything. He had to wait until Face was ready for a shoulder to lean on and he thought that moment had come now.

He sat on the bed and, being careful of his injured hand, pulled him into a sitting position and into a tight embrace. Face buried his head in Murdock's shoulder and started to sob. Murdock said nothing but just held him in silent support for as long as the sobbing went on. Eventually it slowed down. Without pulling back Face started to talk.

"Why? Murdock, why?"

Murdock didn't respond, just continued to hold on and rubbed small circles on Face's back knowing that Face would continue on his own. He needed someone to listen, not to give advice.

"Why? What did I do to deserve all this pain? What could I possibly have done at less than five years old? Why didn't I deserve a chance for a somewhat normal childhood? Even after being abandoned by my parents I had to go through so much pain. Why could it not end there? Why was I sent back time and time again?"

Murdock just continued his silent ministrations.

"Why did I constantly have to watch out instead of just being allowed to play, carefree? It always ended in trouble, some of the nuns and priests were just out for the smallest reason to beat us."

There was a break and Murdock almost thought that was it but then the real outburst came.

"I only wanted some warmth, some human touch. I hadn't even heard of men having sex with little boys in that way. Why did he have to hurt me so much, why? And nobody helped me, they were angry at me and I just didn't understand. I was all alone with my pain. Why did nobody see I was hurting? I saw it on myself every day, I was dirty, never got clean again but the father and the nuns didn't see, or didn't acknowledge. None ever asked what happened, never. They must have seen something. Even when I tried to kill myself the father only got angry but never asked why I did it. Why did nobody help me? He just believed my little story and went on. Why didn't he ask me what happened during the one year I was gone? Why? I wanted to tell him I trusted him that much…but I just didn't know how and he never asked. I only wanted to be a kid again."

"And then Leslie…she was perfect. She filled that void and accepted me. I could be free around her. She could even touch me when I was asleep without me freaking out. But she left too, without a single word, and all I wanted to do was end it all but even that I couldn't. By then the father had installed enough religion in me that suicide just wasn't an option. So I joined the army and I kept that death wish throughout officer training until I came to Nam. I pissed off a number of CO's and about half the army but even Charlie did not want to waste bullets on me."

"Until I was assigned to you guys, I had found people that cared, or so I thought. The camp, our county turning on us, being in prison, being on the run…it was all okay because I had the team. But now I'm not too sure anymore. And what happens when we get pardoned? I'll be alone again. I always wanted a family and kids but I finally have to admit I'll never have it. Leslie, she doesn't want me but she also won't set me free."

He gave a nervous chuckle, "and you know what? Even without that it would never have happened. Thanks to uncle I'm a control freak. I need to be in total control in the bedroom. I freak if someone touches me unexpected and it scares the women away."

"And now all this. My hand hurts…my head hurts… my leg hurts… my whole body hurts. It's just unfair. Why me? What did I do? I'm so tired of hurting, Murdock, I'm so tired of the darn pain."

Face continued to cry into Murdock's shoulder after he had vented all the pressure from his mind. It felt so good to just let go, to talk to someone.

Murdock begun to wonder if somebody can get dehydrated from crying but a short while later Face pulled back, trying unsuccessfully to stop the flow of tears.

"I'm sorry Murdock, I talk to much when I'm sick."

"Don't be sorry, Face, it was about time you let it all out. Are you sure you don't want to tell me anything else?"

"No, I already said too much, should never…"

"Face, will you stop it! I'm your best friend and you are hiding yourself from me. All this had to come out sometime and you should have told me years ago."

"Yeah, would have driven you away years ago instead of now."

"When will you ever get it through your thick scull? I. Am. Not. Leaving. You. Not. Ever. No matter what you reveal about yourself. You can push all you want, I won't go."

There was silence for a while until Face finally had his tears under control. "Murdock? Thanks."

"No problem buddy. Feel better now?"

"Much better."

"That's good. Now I order bed rest and frequent sessions on the couch with your shrink Dr. HM Murdock for you. You were headed straight for a nervous breakdown and I would really like to avoid that. I like my Faceman functioning and not in pieces."

"I can't stay in bed and go on a couch at the same time. Your order can't be exercised, doc. Besides I'll not have a nervous breakdown, you're the nut on the team."

"Oh sure, you just screamed your throat raw to train your voice, right? You showed all the warning signs over the last week but coupled with your general condition and injuries it was hard to determine."

"Since when are you a doctor?"

"I'm the nut, remember? I know when someone is about to join me. You showed all the signs. For example: extreme tiredness, weakness, feelings of worthlessness, loss of self-esteem and confidence, disturbed sleeping and eating habits, breathing problems and migraine headaches."

"It's just because I'm sick."

"Oh come off it, I know what I'm talking about. The only symptom that was missing was a disrupted menstrual cycle and I'm sure you would have experienced that soon."

That got Face to smile weakly. "See, I knew there were some Faceman smiles left in you.

"Murdock" Face slurred.

"Yeah buddy?"

"Thanks."

"Anytime buddy, anytime."

"Tired."

"Just close your eyes, I'll be here."

While Maggie and Mark had moved away to really provide some privacy for Face, Hannibal and BA had stayed by the door and had been afraid to disturb Murdock's plan if they made the smallest sound. They had heard every word.

Hannibal motioned B.A. to follow him away from the door. "I think it's better if we act as if we didn't hear anything."

B.A. nodded. "I wish I didn't."

It was Hannibal's turn to nod; there wasn't much else either one of them could say. Face had experienced horrors in his lifetime that none of them could even pretend to understand.

His heart ached for his young lieutenant, friend and surrogate son. But if he was truly honest with himself, part of that heartache was caused by the fact that Face chose to open up to Murdock instead of him.

Murdock watched Face sleeping for hours, wondering how it was possible for him not to have cracked much sooner. He had seen his share of breakdowns over the course of his decade long VA stay, and none of them had a story that could rival Face's. He stayed lost in thought until a groan from the bed shook him out of his thoughts.

"Mur...Murdock?"

"I'm right here, Face. You okay?"

"Hot...feel hot," he whispered, his throat still feeling the after effects of his earlier screaming.

Murdock placed a hand on Face's forehead. He reached to get a towel to wipe some sweat off of his brow and noticed that his injured hand had about doubled in size. 'How didn't I see that before?' he cursed himself. Not wanting to alarm Face, he said, "You're running a fever, I think we better have Maggie and Mark take a look?"

"Okay, you're the doctor," Face tried to smile, but failed miserably. He felt too sick and weak to pull off much more than a slightly upturned upper lip.

"I'll be back before you can say ," Murdock said on his way out.

"Can't...say...that...anyway," Face stuttered.

Face wasn't able to say much of anything while Mark studies his swollen hand. Every touch sent shooting pain up his arm which seemed to travel straight to his throbbing head.

"I knew we weren't operating in the most sterile of conditions, but I was hoping this wouldn't happen."

"What?" Murdock asked.

"Infection. And since he isn't currently on very strong antibiotics, his weak immune system isn't able to fight it."

Maggie was aware of what was to come, but she asked anyway. "What's the plan, Mark?"

"The good news is..."

Face interrupted him and quipped faintly, "You mean there is some?"

"Yes," Mark smiled. "The wire seems to be holding in place quite well and the bones are in proper position."

"The bad?"

"The bad is that the infection seems too severe to wait and try to counter with medication."

Face didn't want to hear anymore...it was better he didn't know what was to come. "Just do...what you...have to do."

While the two doctor's set up, Face asked Murdock, "Where are Hannibal and B.A.?"

"I told them you asked to be alone and they wanted to follow your wishes."

"Can you...get...Hannibal?" The pain was making it hard to speak.

Hannibal was by Face's side in a matter of seconds. He wasted no time in apologizing for his earlier behavior. "I'm so sorry, kid. It was just that the thought of you being gone and me being responsible was too much."

"S'okay," Face gasped. "Can...you...stay...with...me?"

"You couldn't get me to leave now if you tried." Hannibal's heart swelled that Face wanted him to comfort him during the procedure to come.

Once everything was in place, Mark began handing out the orders. He had Murdock and B.A. by the foot of the bed to hold Face's legs steady and to prevent him from kicking out. Hannibal was holding Face's good hand and trying to keep him calm. And Maggie would be assisting Mark in caring for the infection.

"Okay, Face, here we go." Mark needed to remove the stitches in order to get inside the incision to disinfect the wound. The easiest way would be to use a small scalpel and to cut through them slowly and carefully.

Face felt the scalpel resting against his skin before Mark made the first cut. He squeezed Hannibal's hand as he felt the stab followed by an agonizingly slow searing pain across his finger. His body jerked and his head tossed from side to side as he grunted and groaned in agony.

After what seemed like an eternity, but was probably only a couple of minutes, Mark looked up and without words communicated to Hannibal to get ready to hold on tight.

Mark held Face's hand steady as Maggie slowly began to pour the solution into the open wound.

Maggie started to cry and the others all teared up as they witnessed the patient's reaction.

Face let out a blood curdling scream followed by a stream of whimpers as the liquid assaulted his exposed nerve endings. Hannibal brought his head close to Face's and stroked his hair with his free hand while whispering soothing words into his ear. Face brought his head a little closer so their cheeks touched. Then, to everyone's relief, he passed out.

Mark finished cleaning out the wound and placed a drain before stitching it back up. "Maggie, I need you to check his file. Check if we have a strong antibiotic that has not been in his system before."

"No problem. I made a list of all meds we know of… complete with dates dosages and reactions. That list is a folder full on its own. I can't carry his file with me; it's way too big and still growing."

"His system is too out of whack from all the things we gave him so far. I want something strong so we don't need to keep him on it for more than three days."

Hannibal sighed. "He'll be sick as a dog, again."

"I'm afraid there's no way around it. I'll set up a new IV port while he's out of it, both for the antibiotics and to feed him."

The two doctors decided on a drug and BA was sent to get it.

"It's so unfair. Anytime he starts to get better more crap happens. He sure as hell doesn't deserve all the pain." Murdock felt helpless and frustrated.

Hannibal looked at Face and then at Mark and Maggie, "Why is he getting all these infections? And what does it mean for his healing?"

"He's very weak right now and the previous medication coupled with the poison have left his immune system down. It's easy for him to pick up an infection right now. As for his healing, it's a definite setback. We'll keep him on a high dosage of a heavy stuff for the next three days. My hope is that he'll be out of it as often as possible to get some rest. As long as his hand is infected and swollen I can't put it in a cast and it's not completely immobilized as it is. There's a risk of him moving his fingers and disturbing the two bones that are not wired. His leg will also not heal much because his body is busy fighting somewhere else. We cannot even think of any physical training. As it is I'm happy the draining of the foot by needle did the trick and I didn't need to cut him again. You have to be aware that he's very sick and weak and will be for quite some time."

When BA returned Maggie straight away connected the antibiotics to the IV and then turned to the others. "Alright guys, there's nothing more for the moment that Mark or I could do. We'll leave the room and only occasionally check on him, unless you yell for us. What went on earlier tells me that what he needs right now is you and not a bunch of doctors he doesn't feel free around. You three stay here with him and concentrate on getting him well without too much hovering if you can do that. Try to read his wishes as you know he'll hardly tell you. John, no more running out of this room or upsetting him, keep your emotions in check. You're his hero, he looks up to you. BA, although I would say you had all reason, " she said that part with a stern look at Hannibal," no more slugging of superior officers, at least not in front of him. And try not to kill Murdock or Billy or Chuck. Murdock, you are in charge of his sanity. Any questions?"


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30:

"No, ma'am,", was the response she got from three mouths. Even BA didn't complain to putting Murdock in charge of Face's sanity. After all they had gotten good proof that he was the best man for that job just hours ago. They all settled close to Face somewhere on the bed without disturbing his hand and his leg.

"Who woulda thought that he of all people wants to be touched and held. Always portrayed the opposite." BA was wondering just what more they would learn about Face over time and hoped they were about through with the bad things.

"We got to know him as a soldier and not a kid. You can't very well ask your CO to hold you through a nightmare, can you? If he was better he would probably wake up and ask us what we're doing in his personal space."

"But now we know better…just have to be subtle about it. It's a good thing I'm officially nuts, gives me the right to embrace and cuddle whenever I feel like it."

"You're not only officially nuts, man…and you better check whom you cuddle with."

"Sergeant, mind Maggie's words." Hannibal could not hide his smile.

When Face woke up later he was confused. The room was spinning. He heard voices but could only make out schemes that were spinning too. And he felt terrible. "Please don't hurt them," he pleaded in a shaky voice.

Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. looked at each other and then back to Face who was clearly terrified and stuck in a different time. Who was the 'them' Face was talking about?

"I'll give you what you want…just leave them alone. I won't fight back this time." He screwed his eyes shut and became very still as if ready to accept whatever punishment was coming his way.

The horrifying realization that Face was reliving a rape hit them instantly. Murdock tried to get him out of it by calling his name; he was afraid that touching him would only make it worse. But Face was too far out of it to hear anything except what was happening in his own head.

Tears ran down his cheeks and his breathing accelerated, until finally his body went limp. "Won't tell Hannibal…or anybody…don't hurt the team," he mumbled and then was out again.

"Oh dear God," Hannibal said.

B.A. ran a hand over his Mohawk. "Don't sound like he was talkin' about the camps. He wouldn't have mentioned your name Hannibal."

"Yeah, and he was speaking in English," Murdock added. "In most of his flashbacks of the camps he reverts to Vietnamese."

Hannibal felt sick. "He was protecting us…but from who?" Nobody had an answer, so the question lingered in the air for them to ponder as they waited for Face to wake again. It was sure to surface at another time.

The next time Face came around he was in the present time, which also meant that he was feeling the effects of the surgery and drugs full force. Somebody put a cool cloth on his head and he opened his eyes to see Hannibal.

"Hi, kid," he smiled.

"S..s…sorry," Face rasped.

"What for?"

"Screamed…tried to be strong...but," his voice cracked as a wave of nausea hit and left him unable to talk.

"Shh. You have nothing to apologize for. No person should ever have to be awake for that hell. You have more courage and strength than all of us combined."

"Don't…want…to die…anymore." There were tears, as blue eyes locked into blue eyes.

Hannibal cleared his throat to combat the lump that had formed. "Good, because I couldn't live without you, son."

Face hadn't noticed that anybody else was in the room until he heard B.A.'s voice. "We need you, brother."

"That goes for me, Billy, and Chuck too." Murdock added throwing an arm around B.A.'s shoulders.

B.A. raised his eyebrows and looked over at Murdock's hand resting on his massive shoulder. "I'm gonna pound all three of you if you don't move your arm."

Face smiled up at his family; it was the last smile he would wear for the rest of what was to become a very long and very painful day. Between the pain and the effect of the drugs on his body he was hardly able to think straight. He was sick more often than not. The fever was still high, he was too weak to even lift his head from the pillow and the headache was about killing him. All he wanted was to pass out or at least sleep but it wasn't happening. It took up to the evening until he finally fell into an exhausted and fitful sleep.

Maggie came to check on Face but found him sleeping. "I'll be back later. Amy called earlier on. Father Maghill contacted her, he was worried about Face because he couldn't reach him."

"A bit late that he worries." BA was still angry.

"Now BA, he has always been there for Face. I'll go call him back." Hannibal made to get up but Murdock beat him to it.

"No, you need to be here when Face wakes up. I'll call him."

Murdock called Amy to connect him to the orphanage. That way the call could not be traced easily.

"Murdock, Amy told me Templeton is sick. I'm so worried, since father O'Mally gave him the letter I can't reach him and he has moved without informing me…he never does that. What's going on?"

"A poisonous shell stung him when we went to Ecuador and he's suffering numerous complications."

"Can I talk to him? Do you need me to come?"

"No father, he's too sick for visitors but not sick enough to need a priest."

"Murdock, you know I didn't mean that. And I'm not just a visitor."

"Sorry, I don't think it would be good for him to see you now."

"Murdock, what's going on?"

"He's suffering through a number of bad memories. Like the time he tried to kill himself."

"Oh, he told you about that? He never admitted it before."

"Actually he told me how he had taken meds because of a cold and some friends and himself went for a drinking competition." Murdock wanted to see the priest's reaction.

"He's still going by this cock and bull story?"

"You mean you know?"

"Sure I do. Always have. This poor boy went through a lot of things a kid should never go through."

Murdock was getting angry. "You knew all this and never got him any help or even talked to him?"

The Father sighed. "Yes and I pray every day that I made the right decision."

"The right decision? Are you joking? It's killing him on the inside that even you could not care enough to simply ask him why he did it."

"Murdock, you don't understand…."

"Damn right, I don't."

"Listen to me please, we are an orphanage and things were different back then. I could not just call a psychiatrist to help or even take the risk of someone to find out that he tried to take his life. I'm very grateful he made up this story and stuck to it. If the hospital had declared it as a case of attempted suicide I would have lost him. He would have been transferred to a mental institution and once he was there, with the baggage this kid had, he would never have come out again. He would have tried again and next time succeeded. Do you know how orphans in the care of a mental institution were treated? I couldn't let him go through this hell. I even blackmailed two nuns into keeping quiet and if I should go to hell over that it was well worth saving the boy from hell on earth."

Murdock didn't know what to say, he never even considered that. The priest had done the only right thing but it still seemed to be so unfair. Face had no chance simply because he was an orphan and the state didn't care about them.

Father Maghill continued as Murdock kept quiet, his voice was laced with emotion. "You might know how the system is and how it was back then. It's terrible on an adult but a little kid that has no one to speak for him, that is handed over to the institution as caretaker. You know what they would have done to him when he screams. They would have medicated him, tied him down… it would have been a living hell for him. And he did scream, almost every night right from day one he spent in our orphanage. Every night…unless he was too exhausted to. I only know bits and pieces from when he talked in his sleep and so many new demons were added that his dreams kept changing. It was like he pushed the old ones away to make way for the new nightmares. Because of this he slept alone in the far corner of the dormitory. While the other boys were huddled together he was curled up in a ball and still shivering under his blanket. The younger boys had an adult in the room who woke him when the dreams started. Later one of his friends would go and wake him. But he sometimes kicked out so nobody was allowed to sleep close to him, though sometimes they did. There was a strict rule against taking a kid into our quarters or I would have had him sleep with me. Sometimes when it got to bad and the infirmary was empty I put him there and held him through the night, but it was on rare occasions. I really didn't need anybody to investigate into his case. I always feared he could be taken to one of those mental institutions and I would never see him again."

"I'm sorry Father."

"I know it's hard to understand. I'm happy he found the three of you…and you in particular."

"Why me?"

"Because he can be free with you. He can be playful and careless. You both have the colonel to catch you and reign you in. He's not on his own anymore. And he trusts you. He opened up to you, is it?"

"Uhm, yes. But only because I was there. He trusts all of us."

"No, Templeton doesn't trust anyone, not totally. With the colonel he would have been more reserved, thinking about his words, always afraid of rejection. BA doesn't talk much and disapproves about his lifestyle, he would hardly open up to him. But with you he knows he can tell you anything without being rejected. That's what I meant when I said he trusts you."

"You seem to know a lot about us."

"He never talks about much else, ever since he met you. And I'm so glad he finally shared his load with someone. It was a burden for me to carry those secrets about him around,…it still is…and I had father O'Mally and a couple of nuns to share with. He was all alone with all his secrets; nobody at all to talk with. With time he became a master in hiding all emotions."

"That he sure is. Father, thanks for the information you gave. It made a lot of things so much clearer. I want to go back to him before he wakes up."

"You do that and tell him to get well from me."

"I'll tell him you called to find out about him but I would rather not tell him about the rest we talked right now. But do me a favor, now that you don't have to fear he'll be taken from your care? When he's healed, sit him down and explain all you just told me. He'll understand and it will mean so much to him. You are his anchor in life right up to today."

"I will; though I always dreaded that conversation. How can I tell him I knew about his agony and decided to do nothing about it? But now I can, his anchor is now the A-Team and especially the colonel. If he wouldn't want to have anything to do with me again, at least he's not alone."

"Don't worry about that, he's not angry at you as it is and he knows what you did…what he doesn't know is why. And as for the anchor, if you only knew the number of fights he's had with Hannibal about keeping you informed about his every move. I think you are the only person who knows where the A-Team, or at least one member of it, is at all times. I wasn't surprised he gave you Amy's number for emergency contact."

"Take good care of him for me. I'm praying for all of you."

"I'll keep in touch and remind you of that conversation, Father. Bye."

Murdock went back to the room and found Face still fast asleep.

Hannibal took one look at the captain and knew something happened. "Murdock, did you get the Father? What is it?"

Murdock motioned for the others to join him outside the room, well out of earshot from Face but keeping him in sight. He didn't want to risk Face overhearing them when he gave them the summary of what he had just learned about Face's early life.

BA felt guilty to have thought badly of the Father. He was shocked by the news that his friend had it bad from such a young age. It made him feel even worse that he had teased him not long ago.

Hannibal didn't even know what to think anymore. So many things had gone on in Face's life that he didn't even know about and the little he did know left him reeling. He was pondering this earlier flashback over and over. Whom could Face have protected them from and why? The kid had so much to carry already. Why didn't he come to them for help?

None of them rested well that night. Face had a fitful sleep and the others were lost in thoughts. Shortly after two am, Face began to moan and writhe in his bed. "Lynch…don't…please no."

"Lynch?" the others said simultaneously.

"Couldn't be…," Hannibal began, but stopped as Face continued speaking.

Face was shaking horribly and repeatedly saying "no" and "stop". Finally he screamed at the top of his lungs, "Lynch, NO!" His eyes popped open and he looked around wildly.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31:

"It was just a dream, Face. Lynch isn't here," Hannibal said wiping his bangs off of his forehead.

"I…um…don't…know…I…," Face stuttered. "Gonna…sick."

B.A. ran for the bucket and made it just in time. Hannibal rubbed Face's back while Murdock made sure he kept his hand still as he heaved. Face felt as if his inside were being torn out. With each retch, he saw Lynch's face and it only made him sicker.

Physically spent, he collapsed against the pillows a few minutes later. "What did I say?" he asked meekly.

"What did Lynch do to you, Face?" Murdock asked, taking charge. It had worked before and in Face's exhausted condition, he hoped he could get him to open up some more again.

"Messed me up," Face replied. "He and his men…r…r…," he couldn't get the words out.

"Damn!" B.A. cursed, startling Face and making him jump. He cried out in pain as he jostled his injured hand. "I'm sorry, Faceman…didn't mean to scare ya."

"Said if I told anybody he would blame it on you guys and that he and his men would hurt you bad. He said the word of his 12 men would be taken over you three." Face was staring at the ceiling, afraid to make eye contact with the team.

"Why didn't you come to me, Face?" Hannibal asked. "I could have helped you."

"He had a picture."

"That's impossible, Face," Hannibal said.

"No…I saw it. Remember when I got shot in the upper thigh in Danang? Had a picture of you three hovering over me. From the angle he took it, it looked like…well…you know."

"I'm gonna kill him," B.A. snarled.

"So scared," Face continued, his voice wavering more and more as he fought to stay in control. "Couldn't let you get hurt. Could have ruined your military careers and lives." He was gasping now. "Look…how well…they turned…out anyway."

"Hey…hey, pal," Murdock said. "Slow your breathing. It's okay…you're safe now."

"Never safe," Face slurred as the darkness was closing in. "Never safe."

"Damn, where's that Lynch character now? I'm gonna kill him."

"BA, it's not going to help anyone if you storm on an army base and kill a colonel."

"Whatda ya want me to do? Just let him get away with it?"

"No, but we need to keep our heads and not do anything that leads to more trouble. I'm sure we'll one day get our chance with him."

"If I ever meet that scumbag in a dark back alley….

"…you aren't going to kill him."

"Hannibal I…"

"Let me finish sergeant, you'll immobilize him and call me and Murdock. Between the three of us this scum will have a very slow and painful end." Hannibal had a rage in his eyes that BA had not seen often.

"He said this time." Murdock had been quiet so far, when the other two turned toward him he was sat at the bed beside Face, rubbing up and down his good arm.

"What?"

"He said he won't fight back this time." Murdock didn't look up but kept his eyes fixed on Face as he spoke.

"You think it wasn't a onetime thing?"

"Didn't sound like it."

"And we didn't notice anything. The way he screamed in his sleep, if he screamed like that he must have been injured and somebody must have heard him. Lynch was only ever close to us on a base and I don't remember Face being off base without at least one of us." BA could not understand how this could have happened.

"That injury in Danang…it was after the camps. Lynch must have known what happened to Face in the camps. Remember how down he was after one of the nurses could not keep her mouth shut and it leaked out that Face was raped? The news spread like fire." Murdock still didn't look away from Face thinking that if he moved his eyes away for just a moment another bad thing could happen to his friend.

"I can remember only one time where Face was injured and the rest of us went on a mission for several days. I somehow don't think this could have happened without us noticing anything when we were around or at least back within the day." Hannibal was puzzled too. He always thought he was able to protect his men."

"Didn't see he was hurtin' this time around either. He's good at hidin' it."

"Ah, God, kid. Why didn't you come to us? Our word was good then, Lynch could have done nothing. And even if he could, why do you think your health and sanity values lower than our damn military careers?"

"He didn't have a lot of experience with self value."

"Hannibal, he said 'never safe'. You don't think this went on after Nam, do you?" There was silence in the room and now Murdock did look up.

Hannibal was pondering the question, could it have been?

"He was at Lynch's mercy in prison. Bastard threw him in solitary over every shit he could blame on him."

"I don't know BA…but he could not have blamed it on us in the prison. Murdock was not even there and how would a picture taken in Nam have helped him? When we hovered over him it was before the medics arrived, outside. That picture could not have been taken in the prison. And after we ran, if he had got his hands on Face, why should he have allowed him to go and not drag him back to prison?"

Hannibal had moved on to the other side of Face's bed and sat beside him. Looking down at him he said in a hushed voice "What really worries me is that he still doesn't feel safe. Even with us here to protect him he doesn't feel safe."

By the time Face woke up again it was early afternoon. The rest had done him good and he felt a little better or at least he was able to think straight and the room had stopped spinning. It was now only tilting from side to side a little. He could feel the tension in the room, though. Nobody was talking very much and when they looked at him they quickly looked away as if uncomfortable.

"Guys…I guess I owe you an explanation about what went down with Lynch."

"You don't owe us nothin', Faceman. Looks like we the ones who might be owin' you."

"You don't have to talk, unless you want to, kid," Hannibal said, giving his good hand a squeeze.

Face squeezed back. "I want to. I want you to know everything."

"We're all ears, Face," Murdock encouraged. He smiled and joked, "That sounded odd…'all ears, Face'."

"Hush, fool," B.A. admonished. "Let the man talk."

Face bit his lip nervously. "I…uh…don't know where to start."

"Just say what comes to your head, Face. Dr. Richter tells me not to think and just to speak."

"That would explain a lot of things," B.A. muttered.

"We won't interrupt you," Hannibal said, giving Murdock and B.A. a pointed look.

Face took a deep breath and focused his gaze back up at the ceiling; it seemed to help if he didn't look at them when bearing his soul. "It all started when you guys went on that mission without me after I took that hit. Lynch said that he had been waiting for an opportunity like this. He had a sick sadistic smile on his face as he showed me the picture. He said, 'how much is your precious team worth to you? I'm about to find out.' He had it all planned out…he even had people willing to testify that they had seen you guys …um…you know. All they asked was to get in on the action."

B.A. cursed under his breath. Face paused, but never took his eyes off the ceiling. He took another deep breath and continued. "I wanted to tell you guys, but you don't understand, I couldn't lose you. My nerves were already shot from what happened in the camps and I wasn't thinking too clearly. All I knew is that you were all that I had."

Face began to sweat as the memories were causing his blood pressure to rise. "I was only …I was young," he corrected himself, "and hurt and scared. Everything Lynch said seemed to make so much sense…I really believed that if I didn't do what he said he would destroy you all. After that first time he would follow me on supply runs. Sometimes alone and sometimes not."

Face finally looked back down and at his friends. "I know you are racking your brains and wondering how you didn't notice that something was wrong. Remember, we had all just been to hell and back and you had your own demons to fight at the time. And you didn't call me 'Face' for nothing. There were times I would come back from a supply run and I would see one of you guys literally minutes after Lynch or someone else…um…you know," Face didn't want to say the word. "I would put on a smile, crack some jokes and act like all was okay. None of it was your faults…I didn't want you to know…so don't blame yourselves for anything."

Face stopped talking for a moment and looked back up. "I was just doing what I felt I had to do to protect my family…and I would do it again too if it meant keeping you all safe."

Nobody spoke for a few moments unsure of Face was done. Hannibal broke the silence and asked, "But what about you, Face? What about your safety?"

"I've never been safe, Colonel. I learned that at a young age. In a weird way, I expected it at that point. It was just more punishment for my past sins. I was used to it...it still hurt...but I knew how to bury the feelings a long time ago."

"Did Lynch hurt you while we was in prison?" B.A. asked, his usually gruff voice was soft.

"No...he didn't do anything but beat me. If he was ever caught it would have been the end for him. But that didn't mean he couldn't look away while others had their way with me."

"Oh, Facey," Murdock sighed.

"Look, it was a long time ago. I'm fine...really."

Of course they knew he was anything but fine. But before they could discuss the topic anymore, there was a knock on the door and Maggie and Mark came in.

"Just came to check on our patient," Mark said. "I think it's time to remove the drain and see whether or not we need to replace it with a new one."

Maggie was looking at Face's hand. "The swelling has gone down, but it still looks a bit puffy. At least we are making progress."

Face was still lost in his thoughts and wasn't paying much attention to what was going on around him. The rest of the team were a bit shell shocked as well and not quite clear-headed. That all changed as the doctors got down to work.

Face attention focused the moment Mark tugged hard at the drain and brought it out. He sucked in air and the sound of that brought the others to life as well. By now they knew what to do. The worst part was for Mark to gently massage the hand to see if any liquid came out of the wound ,but it was over fast.

"Looks good, nothing's coming out. It's still infected but the antibiotics are doing the job. The drain will stay out. Everything's in place too. Let me wrap it back up and then I'll have a look at your foot and leg."

Face focused on the pain in his hand. That way he didn't feel too much of what was done to his foot.

"Looks good also. No signs of infection and the tissue is slowly healing. The incision in your leg is also dry and healing. You are half way through with the strong drugs and you cope better than I expected." Mark was truly pleased with his patient.

"Better…than expected." The pain had left Face panting and he had some difficulty to get the words out. "I'm…too weak…to even hold….the bucket….when the stuff….sends me retching."

"I know you are weak and sick right now and you had it real bad yesterday but at least you are coherent, you don't have respiratory problems and you are complaining about minor issues. I was told you are okay as long as you complain." At Face's puzzled look he added "is it really that important who holds the bucket as long as it arrives in time?"

"Mark's right, Face. You might not feel that way now but things are finally looking up. With any luck you'll sleep through most of today and tomorrow and when you're off the antibiotics you'll start feeling better." Maggie's heart ached when she saw Face as sick as he was but she wanted to motivate him and knew he hated for people to pity him.

"You hear that buddy, another weak and Hannibal will have you running your first obstacle course."

"I hope it's…from here…to the bath….bathroom…and back."

When the doctors had left the room again Hannibal rubbed Face's good hand to get his attention. "Face, I hope you know that you don't have to sacrifice yourself ever again."

"Wasn't that…big deal…couldn't take…anything that….hadn't been taken…already."

"Face please, no matter what it is and how you think it can affect any of us, please promise to always come to us. You're not alone. Whatever it is, it affects us more to know you are suffering."

"Yeah man, we's family. We fight through everything together. We keep you safe."

For a moment it looked as if Face was going to answer but his eyes drifted shut as his body claimed more rest.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32:

Over the course of the next two weeks, Face was a model patient. He ate when they brought him food, drank tons of fluids, and slept often. The swelling was gone and all signs of infection had dissipated. He was upbeat and positive and almost never complained.

That should have been their first clue that something wasn't right.

Their second clue…the clue that made them realize the first one…appeared during Face's first physical therapy session since his relapse.

Face wiggled his toes and flexed his foot when Mark told him. The pain was bad, but he was on a mission; he wanted to walk across the room of his own accord. He forced himself through every grueling task without so much as a grunt, a grimace, or a groan.

Mark was so impressed by Face's improvement that he decided to keep going. "Let's see if you can stand up."

Face took that as an order and stood up. The room was spinning, but nobody needed to know that.

"Do you think you can make it over to Maggie?" Mark asked.

"No problem," he schmoozed. His foot ached horribly; he was pushing it too far, too fast. 'Just a few steps and you can rest,' he told himself.

Maggie was on the opposite end of the room. She held her breath as Face took step after step in her direction.

Face saw Maggie directly in front of him. He reached out for her arms …and would have fallen over if not for a pair of strong arms that was wrapped around his chest from behind and held him upright. Once the pressure was gone from his foot and he was supported, the fog that had clouded his vision lifted and he realized he was only in the middle of the room and Hannibal was holding him.

"Let go, I can do it."

"Like hell I will. Even if you could, which I highly doubt, I won't let you hurt yourself anymore. Darn stupid…stubborn… kid. When will you ever get it through your thick skull that pushing it to far will not achieve anything than more pain on your part?"

The words struck a nerve in Face and he got angry and defensive. "I can do it."

"No, you can't. Look at how far you got. You thought you were there already, reaching out for Maggie. You didn't even notice I was coming up behind you right from your first step. And you needed only three steps to collapse."

"I didn't collapse."

"Yeah, because I'm holding you up. Guess what would happen if I let go now."

Face was beyond pissed now. "I can take care of myself, I always did and I sure don't need any protector now. I just want out of this bed and on my own feet again, if it hurts or not. I want to…no, I need to be independent again. You taught me to push over my limits…to do another round on the obstacle course or run another 20 miles or go another night without sleep. To keep moving through the jungle and so on. And now, because of all the shit I told you, that I should never have done, you pity me and you go soft. I don't need that." It was a bit awkward to have this conversation while being held up by the very man he was currently venting his anger at but Hannibal was right. As much as he wanted he couldn't have stood on his own two feet now. Even the cast on his arm was pulling him down.

"Don't you blame this shit on me. Yes, I pushed you and I'll do so again, but only when you are fit for it or your life depends on it. I don't remember coming to your hospital bed and telling you to go run some laps on the course."

Face was at a loss of words. He was just angry. Angry that he could not make it to Maggie, could not function and do what was being asked of him, angry that he had revealed so much about himself. He hadn't really meant to snap at Hannibal but his words had just triggered a reaction at the wrong time.

When Face didn't speak again Hannibal broke the silence."You about done with your rant? You don't weigh much at the moment but you're getting heavy with time."

When Face nodded, his gaze directed to the floor, BA took him from Hannibal and maneuvered him back to the bed. Face felt like a five year old after a temper tantrum.

When BA helped him to lean back into the pillows he quietly spoke "We don't pity you, we admire you. None of us could have gone through all the crap that came your way and still function. Doesn't mean we'll let you hurt yourself in whatever way you want. Told you you're no more on your own."

Maggie and Mark quickly checked him over and seeing that there was no physical damage done, they left the room to allow the team some privacy.

Hannibal took a cigar from his pocket and rolled it between his fingers. "Care to tell us what all this is about lieutenant?"

"I told you I…"

"Oh, don't give me this 'I want to walk on my own' crap. Sure you want it but this doesn't explain your behavior. Over the last two weeks you've been a grade 'A' patient, which you normally aren't. Usually you are a pain to be around as soon as you are up to it, whining and complaining about every little thing. This time though you did exactly as you were told: you ate when being told to; you slept when being told to; you even took your meds without the slightest complaint."

"Yeah man, you even ate the things the fool conjured together."

Murdock was hurt. "Face likes my cooking."

"I do." He didn't, he liked the fact that Murdock took the time to cook funny things for him and spend time with him, but that was beside the point now.

"That's not the point." Hannibal threw BA and Murdock a look that said 'leave the talking to me or I'll suck you from the room.'

"Is this some kind of defense mechanism? Take everything that is thrown at you without thinking? Or do you actually believe what you said earlier; that you are being punished for former sins? Think you deserve whatever happens to you including getting sick? That you don't have a free will but have to go through pain to get better without being allowed to say stop?"

"I don't…no…I feel…I can't…," Face stammered, feeling the heat rushing to his face. "Don't feel good."

His muscles felt heavy like lead and he was having a hard time putting his thoughts together. He could see Hannibal's lips moving but he couldn't hear what they were saying anymore. A few seconds later and his sight started to go as well.

He had pushed himself too far and he knew it. In the past he had always been able to go above and beyond what was asked of him without a problem. Today he couldn't even make it across the room; it was humiliating and frustrating.

Hannibal words were swirling around in his mind and adding to his distress. Did he deserve everything that had happened to him? Did he push himself to the extreme as a way of punishing himself? Yes, on both counts, but he never really thought about it until lately.

Somebody was putting a wet towel on his forehead while somebody else was placing an ice pack on his foot. He wanted to tell them that he was okay; it was always easier to put on a happy face then let them see him weak. But, who was he kidding? He was far from okay at the moment.

He also wanted to tell them that he was sorry…sorry for being 'stubborn' and 'stupid' as Hannibal had correctly called him. But all apologies would have to wait until he regained some sort of control over his body. Right now all he could do was lay there helpless and beat himself up on the inside.

Hannibal replaced the towel on Face's head with a fresh one. "C'mon, kid. Come back to us," he gently coaxed.

"He's freakin' me out, man," B.A. said.

"Me too," Murdock agreed. "And that's not an easy thing to do to an insane person."

"He's awake, but unresponsive." Hannibal put a hand on Face's shoulder and shook him gently. "His body is trembling."

B.A. stood up. "I'm gonna get Maggie."

"No," Murdock said standing as well. "He needs to feel safe when he wakes up."

"But he is awake…somethin' ain't right."

"I think he just overdid it. He put every ounce of energy he had into his earlier performance. And now his body is making up for it." Hannibal tried to sound confident and nonchalant, but the truth was he worried too.

Slowly, the fog began to lift and Face could see and hear better. He was dizzy and felt worse then he usually did after one of Hannibal's weekend training excursions. He tried to figure out how it was possible to hurt all over when all he did was take a few steps.

"Face, can you hear me?" Hannibal asked.

"Yeah." The one word took a whole lot of effort.

"You feeling better, muchacho?"

Using even more effort, he forced out another, "yeah," followed by a "so sorry."

Hannibal could see that Face was struggling not to break down into tears. He rubbed his good arm gently and said, "It's okay, Face."

"So sorry," Face whispered again.

"Stop apoligizin', man. You was just tryin' too hard is all."

"B.A.'s right," Murdock smiled. "And it isn't very often that this big angry mudsucker and I see eye-to-eye."

"Thank goodness," B.A. interjected. Murdock slapped him playfully on the back. "The only thing your eye will be seein' is my fist if you slap me like that ever again."

Murdock took a giant step back and rolled his eyes. "Sheesh…well excuuuse me."

Hannibal smiled at the antics and then turned back to Face, who was unsmiling, pale and appeared beyond exhausted. "The only damage done is that you pooped yourself out, kid. Just close your eyes and get some rest. But when you wake up, we will discuss you learning how to be an underachiever until your body heals."

"Yes, sir," Face yawned. He didn't know what was going to hurt more when he woke up. His foot and the rest of his body from the therapy session gone bad, or his ears from Hannibal's lecture. About eight hours later when he tried to sit up in bed and almost passed out, he found his answer.

Hannibal caught him by the shoulders and eased him back down in the pillows. His body…it was definitely his body that ached more. He couldn't remember the last time he felt that way. Like being hit by a tank after running 50 miles with a full pack in hot weather and three sleepless nights.

"I thought the message of you taking it easy and not pushing yourself into more pain had gotten through loud and clear."

Okay, closely followed by his ears. Good thing that he slept through most of the day, that way Hannibal had to stop his lecture after only a few hours and he would get more rest. Maybe at least his body would feel better in the morning.

"Instead the first thing you do is trying to sit up while you're clearly not up to it. What the hell is wrong with you? If you're not able to take care of your health I will. You are under restriction lieutenant."

"What? But…"

"I don't remember giving you permission to speak lieutenant, did I?"

He couldn't possibly be serious.

"I asked you a question lieutenant."

He was. "No, sir."

"You claim to push yourself to get back on your feet faster and that you don't want to be a liability to your team and don't want to depend on anyone nor need anyone's protection. Let me tell you something, you could have been out of this bed ages ago if you had not pulled stunt after stunt after stunt. Your careless and irresponsible behavior is not doing anyone any good. Not yourself and surely not your team." Hannibal regretted his words the moment they were out. It wasn't like all had been Face's fault. But he was at the end of his rope with this kid. How was he supposed to keep him safe and protected if he thought he wasn't meant to be safe and didn't want to be protected.

Murdock came in to check if Face was up and Hannibal explained the situation. Much to Face's embarrassment he didn't leave the room but introduced Murdock to Face's restriction right in front of him.

"Is he allowed to eat soup and sandwiches Hannibal?"

"Sure, go ahead and fix something, don't forget a big cup of water. You can sit with him while he eats and I can go eat myself and clean up for the night."

Face briefly considered asking how he was supposed to clean up for the night if he wasn't allowed to move but remembered he wasn't allowed to speak without permission. At this moment he was too proud to ask for permission. Bathing could wait.

Murdock appeared some minutes later carrying a tray with a big bowl of soup, water and sandwiches that had been cut into the shape of Mickey Mouse.

Face could hardly eat soup while lying flat on his back but moving would have meant to ask for permission and he really didn't want to join into Hannibal's game. If they wanted him to eat they would have to find a solution. Besides, if he got soup all over himself and the bed Hannibal would have to allow him to bathe.

Hannibal saw the problem too. "You can push some pillows behind him to get him into a semi upright position. I'll be back soon."

"Here Muchacho, let's get you raised."

"Murdock, I can sit up."

"Sorry pal, I don't want to be the one explaining to Hannibal why you passed out."

"I'm surprised he didn't forbid me to talk to you."

"Technically, you would have to ask for permission, I outrank you."

Face rolled his eyes and decided to concentrate on the soup. The warmth felt good in his empty stomach.

"C'mon Face, don't sulk, he's just trying to protect you. You must admit your healing progress is quite slow this time."

"Told you I don't need any protection."

"He's our CO…it's his job to protect us."

"We are not in the army anymore."

"But we were when the team should have protected you from Lynch."

"You didn't know"

"That's just the point; you are keeping things to yourself and make it difficult for us to protect you. But that's what we are here for. Hannibal's beating himself up over how he didn't see anything. He failed to protect you."

"But…"

"That's how he sees it, and it's why you are on restriction now. You need protection from yourself this time."

When Hannibal came back Face had not even eaten half of his food but was unable to go on.

"Leave the water here, you can take the rest with you."

After Murdock was gone there was a heavy silence in the air until Hannibal finally spoke, "Face, when I said you take everything that comes to you and you have gone into a defense mechanism I was right, wasn't I? You really think you aren't entitled to safety and deserve whatever it is as punishment for former sins. Am I right?"

Face heaved a sigh. "I guess so. I mean, I never thought about it before. I just figured that I had to be doing something wrong for nobody to want me. Even my parents didn't keep me."

"Face, you were just a little kid when your parent's dropped you at the orphanage."

"Exactly. They must have seen that I was no good from the start." Face ran his uncasted hand through his hair. "From that point on, everybody I got close to would leave. The common denominator in all those equations? Me."

Hannibal didn't know what to say. He couldn't blame the man for feeling the way he did. Hell, if he was dealt the hand of cards that Face was, he probably would have felt the same way. He had to say something, so he said the first thing that came to his mind. "Don't be stupid, Face." He hadn't meant it to come out that way…big mistake.

Face's head dropped and the walls started to build up around him. "Lately, that's all I seem to know how to be."

"Oh, kid, I'm sorry. I just don't want you to blame yourself for the actions of those around you."

"Oh yeah," Face said almost bitterly, "then who should I blame?"

Again, Hannibal was at a loss for words.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33:

"See, I can only blame myself. I'm a screw up." Face looked away from Hannibal; even the Colonel couldn't tell him why he wasn't culpable. "Do you have any idea how hard it has been to pretend that everything is great and that I have it all together? Inside I know that I am dirty and ugly, but on the outside I have to look perfect. I...I... can't take it anymore."

Hannibal reached out and put his hand on Face's chin and gently turned it back in his direction. "You aren't dirty or ugly, Face. You are the victim of severe emotional, physical and sexual abuse."

Face snorted; he was tired and in pain and losing his patience. "Sounds like a bunch of psycho babble to me."

"I don't know what else to say, kid." Hannibal was beyond his realm of expertise and was afraid he may be doing more harm than good. His suspicions were confirmed when Face snapped. His face went from white to bright red in a matter of seconds and his body language screamed anger.

"Then why did you say anything to begin with, damnit?" In his rage he picked up his bad hand and slammed it down against the mattress.

Anger was instantly replaced by agony. "Oh God," he moaned.

Hannibal jumped up and was by his side instantly. "Do you need me to get Maggie?"

Face had his eyes screwed shut but shook his head 'no'. His breathing slowly normalized so Hannibal hoped he would be fine and just had to ride it out.

"See, that's what I feared. I…"

"Yeah, I know. I'm being stupid, careless and irresponsible."

"Can't say you are wrong but it's triggered by anger…anger you bottled up for way too long. What I feared was that I would make matters worse by saying the wrong thing, obviously saying nothing wasn't any better. Face, kid, this is really not my field of expertise. I'm afraid to say the wrong thing and you'll only build the walls around you higher. But I can't stand by and watch you …watch you doing this to yourself. I know we tease you a lot; we're ripping you any chance we get. But it has nothing to do with you being worthless or useless. You are a great friend and the best at your job. There's nothing wrong with you."

Face snorted, "Yeah, I'm the best thief and liar ever."

'Just great, if I ever choose a different career it would better not be a shrink.' Out loud Hannibal said, "That's not what I was saying Face, you are….. a valuable Team member,….. a good soldier."

"Now that's something not a lot of army officers accused me of… you included if I remember well."

"Okay, maybe you have a problem following orders, but you are good in the field. Your sniper qualities saved us countless times."

"So I'm not only a good thief and liar but also good at killing people from long distance. Maybe I should have mentioned that to my foster parents, it would sure have gotten them to keep me." Face's sarcasm was in full force.

"This is not working, let's try a different approach. The little babies in Vietnam, those that were left behind in the mined village to attract soldiers to go inside and get blown up. Was it their fault that they were left behind by their families?"

"No….but you can't compare that. It was a war and their being left behind served a purpose other than getting rid of them."

'Another quality of you, good at thinking at your feet. How do I make you see reason?' Hannibal was running out of ideas. "What about the kids that get snatched on their way to school by a rapist? Is it their fault?"

"No, but I wasn't snatched. I encouraged him by snuggling close to him any chance I got. That's different. Who in his right mind would do something like that? Nobody to blame than me."

"Oh, kid, that's not true. He was a creep, he used you, used your vulnerability. You were just a kid with no idea."

"It hurt so much," Face whispered.

"I'm so sorry kid. I wish I was there to protect you, or at least that I could have protected you later."

"You can't protect me from myself. Knowing that I'm a screw up and that there's something wrong with me made it a bit easier to bear all the pain… I have to thank the nuns that made me see. I only wish I wouldn't drag everybody down with me who sticks around for long enough."

"What do you mean? We still stick around and you haven't dragged us anywhere."

"You think I didn't? Think of it colonel. Had you ever been a POW before I joined your unit? Had you been imprisoned by your own country and forced to life on the run for all this time?"

How could he possibly think that any of this was his fault? "What about father Maghill then? You think he's an intelligent person?"

"Sure he is." Face frowned at Hannibal, not knowing where this was going.

"You think he has too much time at his hands?"

"Not even enough to do the most important things, why?"

"Think Face, why is he still spending time with you? Did so all the years since you were a small boy?"

"I was dumped at him… he couldn't get rid of me. I was brought back all the time."

"That was then, but now you are grown and he still sticks around."

That got Face thinking for a while. "He's a man of God. Maybe he sees it as his penance to keep in touch with a creep like me."

"And have you dragged him anywhere?"

Face shrugged, "He's a man of God. He has quite a lot of protection."

Hannibal could see Face was getting tired but he didn't want to allow him to sleep with those thoughts on his mind. Just how could he make this kid see he was not the cause of all bad things that ever happened to him or the team?

"What about us then? Think we are intelligent?"

"Sure."

"Then if you caused all this trouble for us, why are we still here? We could have left you behind in the POW camp. Instead we let our first opportunity to escape slip because you were in interrogation and they had not returned you."

"Just another example of how I caused more pain."

'Great doing John Smith, just great.' Hannibal sighed, "You didn't cause anything. The VC caused the pain we all had to endure…you most of all. And we happily endured everything if it meant taking you with us."

Face was speaking in a whisper, almost too low to hear. "Murdock was intact then, he wouldn't be at the VA now if you had run as it was planned. And some of the other soldiers wouldn't have died."

Had Face carried those thoughts around ever since the camp? How much more was he hiding under his masks, how much more could he endure? "They would have killed you for sure. How do you think any of us would be able to live with that? Murdock is your best friend."

"Murdock is better now and getting good at conning supplies."

"You think we keep you around only because of the supplies?"

"If not then you were really slow at realizing….compared to the others in my life." Face was too tired to keep his eyes open now. "You really just realized lately? I thought it was because I failed at my job." That was the last thing Face could say before he was fast asleep.

Murdock came inside with a fresh pincher of water when Hannibal pulled Face's cover up to his shoulders and wiped tears from his eyes before stroking some hair from Face's forehead and whispering "Sleep tight son."

"Colonel?"

Hannibal had not even noticed Murdock coming inside; he was so deep in thought. "He thinks we'll leave him eventually, he's convinced. Thinks we only kept him around for supplies all those years without really wanting him as a person. And he thinks now that he failed to acquire some things we needed for Ecuador we'll dump him for sure. Either that or we just realized what a screw up he is." At Murdock's shocked expression he told him to get BA. Hannibal did not want to repeat this twice and he needed a minute to compose himself. When they came back he told them all Face had just told him.

"Murdock, BA, I have no plan for this. How do I make him see that none of this is his fault? I'm afraid to lose him."

"Maybe he just needs some time alone to think," Murdock offered. "He has told us more about himself in the last month than he has in over a decade. He probably hasn't thought about some of this stuff for a long time either. It's hitting him all at once and he has to be feeling overwhelmed. Anything you say to him now is probably being seen through a warped filter."

"I agree with the fool," B.A. said.

"Now was that so hard to say?" Murdock teased.

B.A. just glared before continuing. "We been pressing him hard to open up. If we ain't careful it's gonna backfire and make him do the opposite."

Hannibal scratched his head in thought. "What you're saying makes sense, but I don't want him to think that we are angry at him or are pushing him away."

"Seems to me he is going to think that anyway right now," Murdock retorted. "If we give him a little space and keep coming back time after time, even after all that he has told us, he'll see how much we love him."

Throughout the course of the next week they made sure to check on Face often, but tried not to hover and allowed him plenty of solitary time. Face seemed to be doing much better physically, but his morale seemed to be at a standstill. He would make small talk and try to act as normal as possible, but nobody was buying it. His eyes were sad and there was no life behind his smile.

It was a Friday morning when Maggie entered Face's room to check on how he slept. "Good morning. How're you feeling today."

"Good," Face said as cheerfully as he could fake. "Where are the others?"

"I asked them to run a few errands for me in town. They should be back in a few hours." Maggie grinned and added, "I practically had to push them out the door...they didn't want to leave in case you needed them."

Face's eyes brightened a little when he heard that. And it was coming from Maggie...she wouldn't lie. "Really?"

"Yes, really." The sound of the doorbell interrupted the conversation. "Let me see who that is. I'll be right back."

When Maggie returned a few minutes later she was followed by a middle aged man carrying what appeared to be a medical bag.

"Face, this is Dr. Matthews."

"Mark sent me to check on you. He has been called out of town for a couple of weeks on personal business."

Both Maggie and Face took an immediate aversion to the man. He was abrupt and acted as if they weren't even in the room as he began his examination.

"Foot looks good. Mark said you had exercises?" Face nodded. "Do them." Face nodded again, his dislike growing. "This cast needs to be removed and the incision checked for proper healing. If it is satisfactory, I will put on a lighter cast."

"Can this wait until another time?" Maggie asked. "We have some friends who would really like to be here during any procedure."

Dr. Matthews looked annoyed. "I am extremely pressed for time. It was hard for me to fit this visit in today as it is..."

Face interjected, "It's okay. Go ahead...I'm fine."

Maggie had a bad feeling about it, but she nodded her head and stood back as the doctor got to work. Face closed his eyes while the cast was coming off; he didn't want to see what his hand looked like. His eyes opened as the doctor held his hand and muttered, "Hmm."

'Is that a good 'hmm' or a bad 'hmm',' Face wondered. He didn't have time to wonder long before Dr. Matthews began to press on the still tender skin. Face gasped and tried to pull his hand away.

"Don't move," he scolded. He continued to squeeze the skin as Face tried to stay as still as possible.

Maggie moved to his side and took hold of his free hand. "Breathe," she encouraged noticing that he was holding his breath. She shot daggers out of her eyes at Dr. Matthews. He was doing what needed to be done, but there was no need for him to be so rough. To say anything now, however, might just annoy him more and make him treat Face worse.

Face got a momentary reprieve as the doctor put his hand down and looked at him over his half-glasses. "Looks satisfactory. All I have to do now is check the bone alignment."

Face was prepared for some pain, but not for this much. Matthews ran his fingers across what seemed to be every section of Face's hand, feeling for any abnormalities. It was bearable until he got to the finger that had been wired. As he pressed his way against the wire Face groaned loudly and then bit his lip as the doctor looked up at him and rolled his eyes.

Maggie saw the eye roll and had had enough. "Okay, that's it. Enough...you're done."

"Excuse me," he said shocked that anybody would dare talk to him that way.

"Are the bones where they should be?" she demanded.

"Yes, but..."

Maggie didn't allow him to finish. "I'll take it from here. I can manage to put a cast on."

He smirked at her. "I was just about done anyway, but suit yourself."

"I would thank you, but for what I'm not sure. Perhaps for being rude and hurting my friend."

"Oh, come on now. It couldn't have been too bad," he said while gathering up his belongings.

Maggie was incensed. Face was covered in sweat and was still breathing hard. "Look at him...does it look like it was good? There was no need for him to suffer like that."

There was a brief look of contrition on the doctor's face before he picked up his bag and headed for the door. "His hand is healing just fine. A couple of more weeks in a cast and the wire can probably be removed."

Maggie nodded. "I'll make sure Mark is back for that," she said placing extra emphasis on the name 'Mark'.

Face was still having trouble bringing the pain down even after Maggie had put a new and lighter cast on his hand.

"Face, I'm going to give you something for the pain. Your hand is doing great, but now that you aren't on heavy antibiotics, I can at least offer you some pain medication."

Face's first instinct was to turn it down, but his hand hurt and he just wanted the pain to go away. He nodded his head and less than ten minutes after taking the small white pill, he was out cold.

The van pulled up a short while later. Maggie was still in the bedroom with Face as the rest of the team came in to check on him. Maggie relayed the story and watched as their moods gradually darkened.

"The good news is that his hand is healing and there were no signs of infection. I gave him something for the pain, and his hand should feel better when he wakes up."

"I don't like it. Mark knows our situation. Why should he give our whereabouts to a stranger without even telling us? I think we're not safe here anymore, especially with Face in his weakened condition and with you in the house. If we have to make a quick exit and half your things are found here the army could make a connection between you and us and that could end bad for you." Hannibal was already planning where to go.

"What I don't like is the way this guy treated Face, who does he think he is? Face has been through enough mistreatment in his life. I hope our giving him solitary time is not backfiring on us. He may think he made us avoid him and now he deserves this treatment to pay for his sins."

"I woulda said only a fool like you can think in such a weird way, but with the Faceman it's possible he is fool enough to think it."

"We can move to a cabin, somewhere remote. It will give him time to heal and think. He doesn't need to be close to a hospital again, right? You can take it from here, Maggie?"

"I hoped I could return to Bad Rock sometime soon, but I can't let you go to a remote place without a doctor. The way he was getting in trouble over the last month I don't want you to take chances."

"C'mon Maggie, when was the last time you had a nice long vacation?

"I don't consider being with you guys a vacation."

"It won't only be us…Billy and Chuck are also coming along. We'll have fun."

Hannibal put an arm around Maggie's waist. "When Face is up to it we send the kids fishing and then we have the cabin to ourselves."

Now it was BA's turn to roll his eyes. "I'll go pack the van."

They all had a good laugh. It felt good to laugh again, they only wished they could have shared the moment with Face.

It would be some hours until they would hear from Face again, and when they did he was most definitely not awake.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34:

He was thrashing from side to side mumbling in his sleep. "Please stop, no, ow, please." As he did so he was trying to curl into a ball and Hannibal watched out for his bad hand while Murdock was watching his leg. Then he stilled just to whimper and cradle his arm the next moment. They tried to wake him but it didn't work. The dream had a hard grip on him and the painkiller plus the exhaustion made it impossible for him to escape it. All they could do was to watch the show and make sure he doesn't hurt himself anymore.

He moved again this time laying straight, just throwing his head here and there mumbling, "Please Sister Margaret, …ow you're hurting me, …please stop. I didn't mean to ….oww….it wasn't my fault….oww, it hurts...please." Then he went on to "Hannibal, please help me. Don't let them do it again." Closely followed by "Please, Sister Margaret, stop, don't be mad at me."

Those scenes repeated themselves without a pattern and at a point tears were streaming out from under closed lids. After minutes that seemed like hours to the team and Maggie, he stilled again and continued sleeping, the dream having evaporated.

"He was dreaming about the camps again." Murdock had a faraway look in his eyes, fighting his own demons.

"Sounded like, mixed with something from the orphanage" Hannibal wished he could make it all better for Face. He felt like he was failing him, not being able to rouse him from his sleep and help him fight his dreams.

BA spoke in a very quiet but dangerous unusual tone. "If this doctor triggered the memory of when they broke his arm I'm gonna pound him for sure. He never spoke of it."

They were all silent for a while, lost in bad memories. After some time Hannibal decided Maggie deserved an explanation. "He was taken for interrogation and they broke his right forearm. They were in a hut…we couldn't see him but we heard him scream. Face hardly ever screamed. When they brought him back hours later his arm was at an odd angle and he couldn't even talk; he was just laying on the floor crying and whimpering and cradling his arm. We had nothing to use as splint. All we could do for him was set the bones. He later on told me they broke it and then twisted it to get him to talk. They came back for him after two days and when he came back the arm was at another odd angle. They repeated this several times. He developed a fever and I feared he would lose the arm even if we managed to get away. When they came again he cried for me to help him, to not let them do it again but there was nothing I could do. I couldn't protect him. After that they didn't do it again and to our surprise the arm healed. The doc later on said it was a wonder he recovered fully. By the time we escaped he couldn't use it much."

They remained in silence for another half an hour until Face woke up.

"Hey there kid. How're you feeling."

"Hand still hurts. Nauseous….pain killer."

"Try to breathe through it Face." Maggie helped him move to his side until he felt better.

Murdock saw the look in Face's eyes and knew he remembered his dream. He decided for a frontal approach. "Weird dream?"

Face sighed, "I spoke?"

"You did. Who's Sister Margaret?"

"Was really weird. She was in the camp tending to my broken arm in the dream. She wasn't that bad, just had too much to do and got rough when we caused her extra work. In her eyes getting hurt during sports or playtime was causing her extra work. She would make sure scrubbing the wound hurt more than getting it in the first place. Whether it was your fault or not didn't matter. There were a group of bullies that had it in for the smaller ones once she was on duty."

B.A. mumbled angrily and wrung his hands together. "And you was one of the small ones."

Face nodded and then instantly paled. "Ugh," he moaned. This time Hannibal helped him roll to his side and grabbed the bucket just in case. He rubbed circles on Face's back as he fought the nausea. Once it subsided again, he remained on his side and started talking again. "Dr. Matthews had that same look in his eyes and the same tone of voice. I was just another inconvenience." Under his breath but loud enough so they could hear he added, "just as I am to all of you."

"Face, you are not an inconvenience," Maggie asserted. "That Matthew's creep should have his medical license revoked."

Face shivered as a pain shot through his fingers. "God, my hand hurts," he whimpered. "Are you sure it's getting better?"

Maggie smiled reassuringly. "The discomfort is a result of the examination. It's healing nicely. The creep said so before leaving…he even said that the wire could be removed in a couple of weeks."

"Wonderful, more pain," Face sighed.

"Yes, it will require another surgery," Maggie admitted. "But this time you can be sedated and the end result will be worth it."

"What a relief, Facey," Murdock beamed. "Because you wouldn't want to set off any alarms at the airport next time we fly."

"I ain't flyin' nowhere!" B.A. growled.

"Calm down, B.A. We're not flying anywhere yet," Hannibal said. "But we are going to be changing scenery. It's time we move on." Hannibal didn't want to go into detail of why; Face had enough to worry about. "Think cabin, Face."

Face paled again and this time lost the battle with his stomach.

When he was done being sick, Murdock handed him a glass of water and joked, "If you didn't want to go the cabin, you could have just said so."

Face grinned sheepishly. "You know how I love the wilderness," he rasped.

Hannibal was thrilled that Face had made even that small attempt at humor after the events of the day. Perhaps this could be a new start for him…for them all. "Okay, get some rest troops…we leave tomorrow morning."

The three hour drive to the cabin was difficult on Face who was still feeling the after effects of the pain killer. They made him as comfortable as possible in a makeshift bed in the back of the van, but his hand seemed to throb with each bump they hit and even his foot was starting to ache. He was close to asking B.A. to pull over right when the big guy announced that they had arrived.

They set Face up on the couch in the hopes that he would feel less cooped up and more a part of the group. The ride had taken a toll on him and he immediately fell into a deep sleep. One of the two bedrooms of the cabin was taken by Murdock and BA and the other one by Maggie and Hannibal.

"Here's the plan," Hannibal said, unlit cigar between his lips. "Mark will be coming here in about ten days to check on Face and hopefully remove the wire. I didn't want him to know our location, so B.A., you'll pick him up."

"Right," B.A. said.

"Until that time we focus on relaxing and try to keep things as calm as possible. If the surgery goes well, we will head back to Los Angeles as soon as Maggie and Mark say it's okay."

Hannibal glanced at the sleeping Face on the couch and said a silent prayer. 'Please God, watch over my son."

"Colonel, when did you speak to Mark?" Murdock was confused. They had been in the van together and Hannibal would have said something had he spoken to him before they left.

"I didn't. He left a message on Maggie's car phone. Said he left in a hurry and had only her number on him. Also said that that creep Matthews would be coming to check on Face and that he would be back in approximately three weeks…meaning less than two from now."

"That at least explains why we didn't know that doc was coming."

They had picked Maggie's car from the parking garage on their way. She has not had any access to the phone before then.

"Everybody out now, enjoy the fresh forest air. But keep it quiet as long as Face sleeps, he still needs the rest." Maggie took over command and received three mocked "Yes, sir" in return. It was good to see some friendly banter among them again. The team was also healing.

Face woke up a while later and took in his surroundings. He was alone on the couch in a bare living room. The bag containing his belongings stood in the corner next to a small bag with bandages, meds and other medical supplies. They had finally come to their senses and run.

From his position on the couch he could see the kitchen cabinets. All doors were open and they were empty. They would surely not leave him out here without any food while he isn't able to fend for himself. It wouldn't make any sense to leave him the medical supplies then. Were they still around? Maybe he had slept for only a few minutes and they were still unpacking the van. But the door to the cabin was closed. It would be open if they were going in and out to unpack. He could yell to find out whether he was alone but if he was not and they came running, how would he explain the yelling without making a complete fool of himself?

The physical sessions had gone well and by now he was able to walk a few steps between his teammates without the risk of passing out. He could sure make it the few steps from the couch to the window and look outside. Decision made he sat up, waited for the room to stop spinning and then lowered his legs to the floor. He allowed himself a moment to get used to it and then carefully stood up. Again he had to wait for the world to come to a standstill. Just as he prepared to take the first step the door opened. Panicked, he wanted to drop back down to the couch and pretend as if nothing had happened but that wasn't an option. Instead he remained in his position.

"Just what do you think you are doing? I don't recall having lifted the part of your restriction that says stay put."

"Face felt his cheeks burn red and lowered his head to hide it. "I'm sorry, I just….just…"

Hannibal looked around the room and understood. "You just thought we had finally left you and wanted to check if it was true, right?"

Face nodded, gaze still at the floor.

"Kid, we only didn't want to disturb your sleep by clattering about in the kitchen. And our bags are in the bedrooms. Sorry, we should have thought of it and left somebody to sit with you." He sensed Face's discomfort and embarrassment and decided to change the topic. "Since you are standing and you seem to be doing well, why not go over to the window and take in your surroundings?"

Face was grateful for the way out and relieved that his fears had not come true. He carefully took the five steps to his destination and leaned on the window still. There was a small clearing in front of the cabin, they were surrounded by forest and through the trees he could see a nearby lake. It struck him that he had not realized any of that when they came here. He was in too much pain then to take it all in.

Murdock was currently crouched on the floor at the far side of the clearing, discussing something with a formation of leaves. The moment he saw Face at the window he jumped up and shouted for Maggie and BA, pointing at the window with the biggest smile on his face. They all waved at him.

"Let's get you back to the couch kid. Don't overdo it." Hannibal was behind him and took him by the elbow. Together they made it back to the couch. Just when Face was settled BA and Murdock came in carrying bags of food.

"Was 'bout time them foods got outta my van. What did you buy, fool? Somethin' s smellin'."

Face looked at Hannibal. "I'm sorry."

"What are you now sorry for? I hear that way too often lately."

"We had to leave your place because of me and I'm not up to scamming something bigger than this."

"We didn't have to leave because of you."

"Yes we did. After that doctor came there we could not be sure if he can be trusted and he came because of me."

"We are moving around all the time. If it was someone's fault then it was Mark who decided to get this creep involved without asking us." Hannibal had never met Matthews but hated him with a vengeance for what he had put Face through. "And besides, what is it you don't like about the cabin you rented?"

"I rented?"

"Yes you did. If it was not for all your carefully constructed aliases complete with background and credit cards, I could not have gotten us this place. This was your doing Face; your thinking ahead for emergency situations."

"But…but if I could do my job, I could have scammed us something bigger. Where I could be out of the way in another room and you wouldn't need to keep quiet because I sleep."

BA shook his head and muttered, "It's a wonder I'm still intact, stuck with two fools and a jazz addict." A bit louder and looking at Face he added "Ever thought that maybe we don't want you out of the way? You could easily fit in with me and Murdock but I don't want you to hide in a bedroom all day. You had enough solitary time in the last house, got your chance to think through whatever it was you needed to think through. Now it's about time you stopped leavin' us alone. I'm goin' bonkers with that fool… he's your pet."

Face was at a loss of words. He was overwhelmed. They wanted him around, had just given him some space to think. And BA had said it. BA who normally disapproved of him the most. He was beaming on the inside. But outward he was a heap of mixed emotions unable to form a coherent sentence.

"I…I…thanks." No words were needed anyway. His eyes sparkled again and he had a genuine smile on his face. That was worth more than a thousand words to his team.

Over the next few days he improved a lot. He was allowed to go outside with the help of someone and could now walk around the clearing on his own; he only needed help when it came to taking the few steps in and out of the cabin.

One evening, when the sun set, Hannibal found him sitting with his back to a tree at the far side of the clearing, wearing a satisfied smile on his face. His eyes were trained on BA, Murdock and Maggie who were preparing a barbecue close to the cabin.

"Penny for your thoughts, kid?"

"I just thought that after all there must be something good to me."

"That will earn you only half a penny. I want the full story."

"Ehm, I mean, if I deserve people like you to stick around for so long, I can't be all bad."

Hannibal laid a hand on Face's shoulder. "You aren't kid, not at all. I'm glad your thoughts finally took the first step in the right direction."

"Me too," Face grinned. "It felt like I was losing my mind. I'm finally feeling like myself again only…," he paused.

"Only what?" Hannibal prodded.

"Only…more relaxed. I'm actually starting to like me a little bit."

"Well, we happen to like you a whole lot," Hannibal gave the shoulder a small squeeze.

They stayed that way, side by side, for a while enjoying the moment. The moment was interrupted by the bellowing of B.A. "I pity the fool that messes with my burgers!"

"Guess we better be getting back, huh?" Hannibal asked.

"Yeah, something tells be Murdock may need our help." Face said while struggling to stand up.

Hannibal held out his hand. "Need some help?"

Face grasped his hand and held it for a second before moving. At that moment he realized how many times Hannibal had been there to pick him up when he was down. "Thanks," he smiled. "For everything."

B.A. was cleaning his van a couple of days later when he noticed Face walking toward the cabin He had been fishing with Murdock earlier, but stayed after the pilot left to enjoy the fresh air. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Face stop suddenly and start to sway. B.A. ran over and grabbed him under the armpits.

"You okay, man?"

"Yeah, I guess I just overdid it today. Got kind of dizzy," Face said, as B.A. helped him over to the van and slid open the side door so he could sit.

"Just rest here a minute and then I'll help you back in." B.A. continued washing the car as he was never one for small talk. When he looked over at Face a few minutes later he saw a faraway look in his eyes, and felt he needed to say something. "Penny for your thoughts."

"Hannibal wanted to give me a penny the other day…the price has risen. It'll cost you at least a nickel," Face joked.

"Put it on my tab," B.A. retorted. "You thinkin' about tomorrow, ain't ya?"

"I'm nervous. What if something goes wrong?"

"Mark's good at what he do, man. Don't worry...you'll be fine." B.A. hoped he was right.

Face looked down at his cast and spoke. "It's my shooting hand, B.A. What good would I be to the team if I can't even handle a gun.?"

"You'd still be just as important." It was B.A.'s turn to look down. He was embarrassed at sharing his feelings. "Especially to me."

Face looked up in awe; he was rendered speechless.

"You very important to me 'cause you keep the fool out of my hair," B.A. continued. He looked at Face and smiled impishly, but the gleam in his eyes meant that it was much more than that. "Let's head inside, Faceman. You got a big day ahead of you tomorrow and I have a long drive."


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35:

Tomorrow came too fast for Face who walked outside to meet the van when it pulled up. A perplexed looking Mark stepped out, but he immediately smiled at the sight of his patient walking over to him. "Now look at you! Remarkable...just remarkable! You're looking good!"

"I'm feeling pretty good too, doc.," Face said. He noticed that Mark's expression had changed back to one of concern. "Something wrong?"

"Let's wait until we're back inside with the others and I'll explain."

Once inside they sat in the living room while Mark took Face's vitals and looked at his foot. "Looking good. I'd say that we are good to go for today's procedure, but we have a big problem."

"What?" Maggie asked in confusion.

"I had no idea that the cabin would be so far away from civilization. There is no way I can in good conscious put Face out under general anesthesia when we are so far away from a hospital or any other form of medical help."

"Is it that risky?" Murdock asked.

"Normally, no. However, life threatening complications can and do arise...and given Face's track record I won't take the gamble."

"What are our options?" Hannibal asked rolling a cigar between his fingers nervously. "The hospital?"

"That would have been my first suggestion, however, I saw some military men hanging about the other day."

Hannibal looked at B.A. who immediately said, "Don't worry, colonel…I was careful. We wasn't followed...I'm sure of it."

Hannibal trusted B.A.; if he said they weren't followed, that meant they weren't followed.

"Can we wait until the military vacates the area?" Face asked. "That shouldn't take more than a week for them to search the entire area."

"I'm afraid that I'd rather not wait too long. If I have to do any manual manipulations of the bones, now is the time to do it before they are completely mended."

Face turned a slight shade of green at the thought. "Lovely," he groaned.

Murdock removed his cap and scratched his head. "And the longer we sit here, the more we risk them finding us." He started to quack like a duck.

"What you doin' crazy man?" B.A. snarled.

"My impression of a sitting duck, which is what we are soon to be."

"I'm sorry," Face sighed.

But before he could apologize further, Mark said, "There is one option, but not one you will enjoy, I'm afraid. I could locally anesthetize the hand and perform the operation while you are awake."

Face turned a shade of green darker, but asked, "Will the end result be just as good?"

"It's the same surgical procedure. I remove the cast, make the incision, remove the wire, manipulate any bones if need be and stitch you back up. Simple."

"Simple," Face repeated, still greener.

"How painful will it be?" Hannibal asked. "If it's too much we won't do it until we can get to a hospital."

Mark rubbed at his neck, "I will make as many injections of the numbing agent as I safely can, but once I get down to bone, it's going to be uncomfortable. Possibly the same as last time...or maybe worse."

"And this time I have the added benefit of being more lucid. Sounds like a perfect way to spend the day, don'tcha think," Face smiled. He was trying to put on a brave front. "At least I won't feel sick afterwards from the anesthesia."

"Does this mean you want to go through with it now?" Maggie asked. "Nobody will blame you if you want to wait."

"It's too risky...for both my hand and the team's safety," Face replied. "Plus, I have you all here to help me through. I'll be okay. Let's do it."

Face was feeling mentally stronger than he had in years as he lay on the table they had prepared for the operation. When he felt the first needle enter his skin, he wondered if that strength would be enough to get him through. The guys were standing on his one side, Hannibal holding his good hand, while Maggie and Mark were engrossed in their work on the other.

The numbing period wasn't too bad; he had overcome much of his fear of needles since this whole ordeal had begun. And he didn't feel a thing as Mark slowly and precisely made a long and deep incision across the top of his hand.

Unfortunately, things quickly went downhill from there.

When Mark entered his surgical pliers and started to cut and tug at the wire Face's whole body tensed. "Oh god, stop. Please, stop."

Mark stopped for a moment until Face had the pain under control. "Sorry but we have to continue with it now that we started. Do you want me to stop when you tell me to get the pain under control or would you rather want to get it over with as fast as possible? There's always the possibility that you'll pass out from the pain. Now that you're fully lucid and know you're safe you don't need to fight the blackness when it comes."

Face pondered his options for a moment. "Okay, go ahead. Ignore me if I scream 'stop'."

Mark did as he was told and had to ignore quite a number of pleas and demands for him to stop until Face finally went out about halfway through the procedure. The rest of the surgery went in silence as everybody was lost in their own thoughts.

As soon as he wasn't needed anymore BA stormed out of the room. Maggie went to find him when Mark was done. She found him outside, venting his anger on a piece of wood that he smashed into a tree. Maggie let him vent until he stopped on his own and threw the wood away. "It just ain't fair, Maggie. Why does he have to go through all this pain? Mark said he would be sedated before he removed them wires and now this. Because of the MP's hangin' around he has to go through more pain. Can't blame him for thinkin' there's somethin' wrong with him. After the camps I promised to myself to never be helpless again…to protect my team, my family and especially Face…who had it worse than the rest of us, physically at least. I couldn't protect him from Lynch and I couldn't protect him now. What good does all my strength do if I can't use it to keep the pain away?"

"Maybe you can't see it BA, but Face needs you, all of you. He borrows some of your strength to get through times like this. You should have seen how bad it was when Matthews treated him and you guys were not there. He draws a lot of strength from you."

"Shoulda been there."

"You can't take every pain away from him, BA, and he doesn't expect you too. How many times do you protect him in fist fights? How often has he yelled for your help when you were fighting? You kept a lot of pain from him and he's grateful for that. He doesn't expect anything more from you."

BA sighed, "I know. Just wish I could do more."

In the cabin Mark did some last check on his patient's vitals while Hannibal settled in a chair to be close when Face woke up. Murdock got himself busy in the tiny kitchen. Baking and cooking was his number one distraction at the moment.

"Hannibal, I…Maggie told me how Matthews treated Face. I'm really sorry."

"Your being sorry doesn't do him much good afterwards."

"He's very good at what he does…one of the best surgeons I know. I never heard of anything like that before. And he owed me."

"Maybe he doesn't like to be blackmailed into helping a bunch of fugitives."

"I wanted to contact you to pick him up instead of giving him the address but I couldn't reach you. And the healing had to be checked. If his bones had been out of line or there was more infection…"

"Which wasn't the case. What would have happened if he had worn the heavy cast for two more weeks? The chance of the bones moving out of place wasn't that high."

"I just don't believe he's the one who tipped off the MP's."

"Who else would have done it? We had to leave the place where Face could have gone through the procedure under medication. Even if his hand had to be re-broken it would have happened under general anesthetics and not while in great pain on a kitchen table in a remote cabin." Hannibal knew he was irrational here, the check up needed to be done. If the hand had to be re-broken the chance for permanent damage would have increased rapidly. But right now all he knew was that Face, the man he considered his youngest son, had suffered through just more unnecessary pain.

Mark could see that Hannibal was just upset from what he had just witnessed. "I'm sorry. I never meant any harm. I have become quite fond of Face...of all of you."

Hannibal's tone softened as he took in the doctor's words. "No, I'm sorry. You've done so much to help us. It's just that I'm a bit protective of this young man here. He means a lot to me."

"I would have never guessed," Mark teased.

"So, what happens next?" Hannibal questioned all business again.

"There isn't much else to do but watch his hand for signs of infection from where I had to cut him. I'll start him on a new round of antibiotics just in case. Then he will have to begin some physical therapy for his hand...similar to what he did for his foot."

They turned in surprise as a small voice came from the table. "Does that mean I have to walk on my hands?" The voice was tinged with pain and his eyes remained closed.

Hannibal jumped up and was at his side in seconds. "Hey kid, didn't expect you up so soon."

"Not up," Face corrected, a small smile playing on his lips.

"Smart ass," Hannibal whispered, stroking his hair.

"How are you feeling, Face?" Mark asked. "How's the pain?"

"Not bad," he slurred, but the truth was revealed when his head lolled to the side and he passed out again.

Hannibal looked up at Mark, fear shining through the blue orbs.

"He'll be okay, Hannibal. It's going to hurt for a while and I don't want to mix strong pain killers with the antibiotics...so extra strength Tylenol is the best I can offer. I'm afraid it won't be much help." Mark stopped and rubbed his eyes. "I feel like a broken record; I have made that speech one too many times to you."

"I know what you mean," Hannibal sighed. "I feel like we have been running in circles."

"Well, this should be the last leg of the race," the clearly tired doctor encouraged.

Hannibal nodded his head and said, "From your lips to God's ears."

The next time Face gained consciousness it took him a moment to remember where he was and what had happened. Unfortunately, the searing pain in his hand reminded him of that before he even opened his eyes.

When he did take a peak, he found his three teammates staring at him intently. "What? Do I have a booger in my nose or something?" he mumbled. He didn't want to let on how bad it was; the guys didn't need to worry about him any more than they already were. Three faces smiled back at him obviously relieved that he was up to joking around. 'Stay strong,' he ordered himself. 'You've hurt worse.' But not much worse.

"You think you're up to moving to a bed?" Hannibal asked. "Maggie said we could move you carefully."

'No,' Face thought. It hurt to just lay there and the thought of moving was not a pleasant one. But, he didn't want to disappoint them. "Sure, sounds good," he answered. He kept his hand as still as possible as B.A. and Murdock each took a side and helped ease him up. He felt dizzy and weak and would have fallen right back down without their support.

Hannibal eased his legs to the side of the table. His hand barely moved, but it moved enough to send daggers up his arm and spots before his eyes. "Gimme a sec," he breathed, swallowing hard the bile that had risen to his throat. He began to think he had made a mistake and should have stayed put.

Hannibal took hold of his injured hand as gently as possible and acted like a splint. They moved as one unit at a snail's pace. Face shuffled slowly along propelled forward only by Murdock and B.A, while Hannibal walked backwards immobilizing his arm.

They were half-way to their destination down the hall when Face, who was getting progressively slower, called for another break. They could see the agony on his face and feel the trembles of his muscles shaking from pain.

But the lieutenant was still intent on putting on his act. Only the others were not buying it.

"Just when will you stop putting yourself through unnecessary pain?" Murdock voiced what the others were thinking.

Since Face didn't trust his voice he tried his best shot at a surprised and innocent expression but failed miserably.

"We asked if you were ready to move and you weren't. Why didn't you just say so?"

"You can discuss that when he's set up in bed and not halfway passed out from pain and exhaustion. Get outta my way, fool, I'm gonna carry him." BA picked Face up without any effort, he had lost way too much weight during the whole ordeal. The fact that Face didn't complain told them everything. He hated to be carried around like a bag of groceries but right now he was busy concentrating on breathing and staying conscious and had no energy to spend on complaining. Besides the only other option for him would have been to settle right where he was.

While Face was trying to get the pain under control without giving in to either the nausea or the beckoning blackness or both, Murdock decided to just talk to whoever was listening.

"We shoulda left him on the table…or maybe we should take him back there. If he's right there on the kitchen table he can enjoy all my cooking and baking first hand. As soon as I set a tray of cookies on the table he'd be right in the middle of it. Needs to be fed properly anyway, he's just skin and broken bones."

Murdock's speech of food and broken bones didn't do anything for Face. If anything he had turned a nice shade of green.

"Knock it off fool. Nobody needs to be near your cookin', especially not somebody sick."

"It's an open living room and an open kitchen, he'll be near my cooking anyway."

"Every inch that's put between him and you in a kitchen apron is good for him."

"But Face likes my cuisine. He can be our live tray for all our meals and just needs to open his mouth for us to feed him."

By now Hannibal had the bucket ready and Face's eyes were closed tight once again.

"Captain, go see if you can catch us some fish."

"But we still have…"

"Now!"

Murdock looked hurt but went anyway.

It took a few more minutes until Face won the fight with his stomach.

"Fool asked you a question and for once he was right. Why didn't you just say you weren't up to movin'?"

"I…I don't know. Just …I couldn't have stayed there anyway, where would you have eaten?"

"Sometimes you're crazier than that fool. As if that was a reason for you to go through more pain, stupid. You coulda waited 'til you felt stronger or I coulda carried you right from the beginning."

Face toyed with the seam of the blanket covering his lower half. He didn't know what to say.

"I'm going to work on the van…..and you better start working on them stupid habits."

After BA left Face was alone with Hannibal who let him rest in silence for a while until he felt Face looked better.

"How's the pain, kid? An honest answer please."

"It's…bearable…somehow….um…actually…it hurts like hell."

"Think you're up to eating something? I want you to get something down before the antibiotics kick in."

Face turned green again at the mere thought of food, he shook his head 'no' and Hannibal, seeing the younger mans parlor, accepted it. The room was silent once again and Face looked at the ceiling.

"Hannibal?" Face's voice was a mere whisper and his eyes were still trained at the ceiling.

"What is it, kid?"

"I…I heard you, earlier, when you talked to Mark. You said…told him, that….that I mean a lot to you…..Why?"

Hannibal didn't answer; how could he put into words the feelings that were held in his heart for the young man lying before him. He wracked his brain trying to think of how to express just how much he cared.

Face heard the silence and it seemed louder than any noise could have been. 'Maybe I was hearing things? Maybe I misunderstood,' he thought.

"Face, it's hard to…" Hannibal started, when there was a sudden loud crash. Startled, Hannibal jumped to his feet and instinctively reached for his gun. Unfortunately, Face did the same thing. They were trained soldiers and old habits die hard. Being fugitives hadn't helped matters either as they were always on guard at some level.

It was only when Hannibal found that his gun wasn't there and he heard Murdock and B.A. arguing that he let go of the breath he had been holding and took note of Face on the floor in a heap cradling his injured hand. "Face!" he exclaimed, practically leaping over to him. He knelt down and tried to pry his good hand away from the bad one. "C'mon, Face…let me see."

But Face wasn't hearing; the only thing he heard was Hannibal's words "It's hard to". Hard to what? Hard to love him? And the only thing he felt was agony.

Hannibal yelled for help. He didn't want to leave Face who was curled protectively in a ball around himself not allowing him anywhere near his hand.

The room went from quiet to hectic as all the other house occupants came running after hearing Hannibal's yells. Hannibal tried to coax Face into letting Mark look at his hand for about ten minutes more and then decided they would have to do it the hard way. "B.A….Murdock…get his legs," he ordered. Hannibal moved behind Face and scooted behind him so he could wrap his arms around him in a bear hug and keep his torso still. "It's okay, kid," he soothed. "I've gotcha. Just let the doctor take a look."

Face seemed to calm down in Hannibal's arms. "Okay," he whispered through heavy breaths. "Sorry…didn't mean…noise…scared me."

Murdock and B.A. hung their heads in shame knowing they were to blame. When Mark muttered, "Damn," a few seconds later, and sent Maggie for his medical bag, they began to panic.

"What? Mark, what's it?" Hannibal feared another painful procedure was coming Face's way.

"I don't know how he did it but five of the seven stitches I made are ripped out. As of now I can't tell if the bones also took some damage. I want to remove the last two stitches and check the bone that was wired. I'll feel the other two with my fingers after injecting another numbing agent. The risk of infection has gone up. I'll have to wash the wound before stitching it back up."

"No, no, Hannibal…pleas…. don't let him... not again…I can't take any more."

"Sorry kid, but it needs to get done." Hannibal hugged Face even tighter. "You are strong, you'll get through it just fine." His heart was screaming no, this can't be happening. How much more could he take. But on the outside he had to be strong for Face.

"No, please, just wrap it up… it'll heal just fine."

Face was turning pleading eyes on Hannibal who so wished he could do something for him. Instead he had to help restrict a panicking Face as Maggie prepared the solution for later use.

"I would like to get him back to the kitchen table rather than doing it here on the floor. Do you think you can immobilize him there?"

The three remaining team members looked at each other and made a silent decision. "Not unless we tie him down and we won't do that. You'll just have to make do with the position we have now."

"I understand. Maggie, get a sterile blanket, we'll put his arm on it. BA, can you hold his legs on your own so that Murdock will hold his arm still. I don't think Maggie alone can do it and assist at the same time."

They did as told and Mark got the syringe with the numbing agent ready. As soon as Face saw it coming near his hand he went wild. He was trying to free his arm from Murdock and Maggie while kicking his legs against BA and pressing his body into Hannibal. Mark quickly dropped the syringe and grabbed Face's fingers before he could flex them and dislocate some of the broken bones. This however made him only wilder. Mark took a moments decision, grabbed for the bottle with peroxide and poured a good amount on the wound. Face screamed and bucked and then his eyes rolled back and he was out cold.

Mark let out his breath "Thank God it worked. Now let's move him to the table and get it all done before he comes to."

They were grateful that Face was out but the price was high. They had to help Mark causing Face immense pain and hated every moment of it. At least it turned out the bones were all still in place and Mark stitched him back up after cleaning the wound thoroughly. He wanted to eliminate as much of the risk of infection as possible.

When they were all done Maggie stemmed her fists in her sides. "Someone care to tell me what the hell happened?"

"Fool was removing some tools from a toolbox to use it for his fishing utensils. We quarreled over it and it went crashing to the wall of the cabin."

"And Face and I both jumped up at instinct, grabbing for guns that were not there." Hannibal supplied.

"Something like this can happen anytime. Either like today or during a nightmare. I want to put his hand in a brace to prevent further injury. BA can you make one?"

"Sure Mark, just show me what you want."

Face was nothing but miserable for the next two days. The pain was bad and the side effects of the antibiotics had also kicked in full force. He was currently sleeping with the rest of the team and Maggie sitting outside in the clearing to not disturb him.

"I don't like the way this is going. The sadness is back in his eyes. I think he feels betrayed by us holding him down for Mark to go through with the procedure." Murdock was concerned over Face's state of mind.

"But he told me he was grateful for the pain causing him to pass out that fast." Maggie threw in.

Hannibal went pale, "Oh no, I'm such an idiot. I never answered his question. He must have mistaken the silence as my answer." He jumped up to go inside and wait for Face to wake up leaving the others puzzled, thinking about his answer. He had a thousand answers swirling through his mind but still didn't know how to describe his protective feelings.

What he found when he entered Face's room tore at his heart…Face was crying. His eyes were closed, but Hannibal couldn't tell if he was awake or not. So he stood there watching the tears flow and wiping away the moisture that was forming in his own eyes.

Face could feel somebody watching him and he tried to stifle his sobs, but he couldn't. He was so confused; things had been going so well until…until Hannibal wasn't able to answer his question. Face was embarrassed that he even asked him and now he was embarrassed that he was caught crying. Not to mention that his hand was throbbing. He felt hot and his hand seemed to be swelling…a sure sign of an impending infection. So Face gave into his tears…he didn't seem to have a choice.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36:

Hannibal couldn't take it anymore. He walked over to Face's bed and softly spoke his name so as not to frighten the ailing man. He suspected that Face was awake by the way his body tensed up. He sat down on the bed and put a hand over Face's good one. "Let it all out, kid. That's it…let it all go." It wasn't long before Hannibal was crying with him; all the fear, anxiety and stress of the past weeks catching up with both men.

When the deluge let up, Face had yet to open his eyes. Hannibal had a feeling it was because he was afraid to look his colonel in the eye and see something he didn't want to see. "Face, I need to tell you a few things. Things that I had wanted to say before, but couldn't find the right words. Don't say anything, just hear me out."

Hannibal took a deep breath before continuing and let it out slowly. "You asked me why I told Mark that you mean a lot to me. There are lots of small reasons that I could give you. For example, you were the best supply officer in Nam, you dress better than anybody I've ever met, and you can run a scam like nobody's business. But reasons like that are just superficial…they are a part of what you are. But you mean the world to me for _who_ you are…and that is a strong, sensitive, loyal, intelligent, and caring human being."

Face opened his red-rimmed eyes and looked at Hannibal. The tears began to flow again and he still didn't have the strength to stop them.

"Kid, you came into my life when you were just a boy. The moment I laid eyes on you I knew you were special and I felt an instant connection. As I got to know you, I could see a lot of myself in you. You remind me of myself and I guess that is part of the reason why I consider you my son," he paused, looked into Face's eyes and added," and I love you."

"Love…love you…too," Face managed to get out. He wanted to say so much more but was far too emotional.

"We'll have plenty of time to talk, Face," Hannibal said reading Face's mind. "Right now, you just need to rest and know that your father is here for you and always will be." He placed a hand on Face's forehead and frowned. "You feel hot. How're you feeling?"

"Hand not…not…so…good. Heart never better."

Hannibal smiled paternally. "Let's see if we can get your hand to catch up with your heart, shall we? I'm going to get Maggie and Mark."

Face's fever climbed over the course of the day and raged into the night. They took turns sitting with him as he sweated yet shivered and was unaware of anything going on around him. In spite of his delirium, he was relatively calm and experienced no traumatic hallucinations. Hannibal hoped it was due to the day's earlier conversation and that he had provided him some solace.

When morning came and Face's temperature hadn't gone down much, Mark pulled the group aside. "I was hoping that his fever would have gone down, but unfortunately it has a tight hold over him. There is some swelling at the incision sight which I fear may be the result of him having half of the procedure done while on a cabin floor."

Mark hadn't meant it as a reprimand against Murdock and B.A. whose squabble was the reason for the last procedure which most likely caused the infection, but to the two men it felt that way. They sat stoically watching as Mark closely studied the wound trying to figure out the best course of action.

"Do you think we should just up his dose of antibiotics?" Maggie asked.

"We could do that and it might just work. But there is also a good chance it won't, leaving us with a severely ill Face and an even worse infection to battle."

Maggie nodded. "The infection seems to be localized to a tiny area. We could lance and drain it and hope it takes care of enough of the contamination."

Less than 15 minutes later Mark held Face's hand still while Maggie made a small cut and gently pressed around the area to release any pus. The rest of the team was there to hold Face down if need be, but he was too weak to put up much of a fight. He had moaned as Maggie inserted the blade and whimpered pathetically at the rest of her ministrations. The only time he cried out and they had to restrain him was as she disinfected the wound at the end and applied a loose dressing.

As soon as they were done B.A. fled the room followed closely by Murdock. The guilt was eating them up and they needed to get away. Hannibal thought of following them to make sure they didn't do anything rash, but his first concern at the moment was Face. "What now?" he asked.

"Now we wait," Mark said.

And wait they did. Nothing seemed to change and the doctors were concerned that not enough of the contamination had been removed. Just as Mark considered upping the dosage of antibiotics Face's fever finally broke. It took another few hours for him to fully wake up.

Hannibal was there, readily equipped with a cup of water and a straw. He had enough experience with Face waking up after being unconscious to know what he would need.

"Thanks."

"How do you feel Face?" Maggie took her patients vitals while questioning him.

"Weak…hand hurts…rest is okay."

"How's the foot?"

"Fine."

"Good. Just rest, you'll feel better soon."

Mark came over to the bed."There's nothing here for me to do now. I'll have BA take me back. You have five days of antibiotics left and I'll be back after that to begin your training. See you soon and make sure you rest well."

When they were alone Face spoke again. "Hannibal, you have to…be more careful…with your choice of women. Maggie…seems friendly, but….she has a mean streak….First she turned my foot into goulash, …and now my hand." He still had to stop after every few words to take some breaths in.

Maggie was relieved to hear him joking again. "Face, can't you keep a secret? Where am I supposed to find my next victim if you warn the men around me?"

"A son…has to warn…his father."

"John, you never told me you had kids. That may make me reconsider."

Before Hannibal could answer Face beat him to it. "Has three sons…all from different mothers….and all troublesome like hell…."

"Yeah, especially the youngest one. He has quite a mouth on him."

"…but none worse than the father."

"Sorry Maggie, I've been slacking in his upbringing, gave him too much freedom. He's a real brat. I'll be more strict on him from now on." He wanted to add 'I understand if you reconsider and decide the baggage I come with is too much' but caught his tongue. That would not be a good joke with Face.

Maggie was laughing "Ah, cut him some slack John, it's good to have honest kids."

"Honest? He's a smart ass. Not able to get a complete sentence out, but has to be witty."

"Clearly takes after his father, I would say."

Hannibal raised his brow in mocked shock. "Alright, if you two team up against me I'll go and check on Murdock. Have to make sure I have one family member on my side." He put a hand on Face's shoulder and squeezed gently. "I'll leave you with your mother to be for a while. I want to check on Murdock. Since I sucked him from the kitchen to get you some more quiet he's taken a liking to cooking outside." Actually he wanted to see how he was doing after he had stormed out of the room earlier, but Face didn't need to know that.

Murdock was sitting on a tree stump rocking back and forth gently when Hannibal found him. He appeared to be talking to himself.

"You doing alright, captain?"

"Murdock maintained the rocking, but looked over at Hannibal and answered, "I was just telling Chuck here how B.A. and I screwed up and how sick Face is again because of it."

Hannibal put a hand on Murdock's shoulder and the rocking stopped. "Face's fever broke a little while ago. He's weak and in pain, but he was in good spirits."

Murdock felt as if a weight had been lifted. "Thank God." But he still felt horribly guilty and began to rock again slightly.

Hannibal stepped in front of Murdock and crouched down so they were eye to eye. He put both hands on the pilot's shoulders to stop the movement. "Did you and B.A. purposely try to hurt Face?"

"No, of course not, but…"

"But, nothing. It was an accident. We just have to be a little more careful until Face is completely healed."

"That's what Chuck was trying to tell me." Murdock looked down and away from Hannibal's piercing gaze. "But if only B.A. and I didn't fight so much, maybe Face would feel more comfortable around us."

Hannibal couldn't help but chuckle. "Murdock, fighting is what you and B.A. do best! And Face is comfortable around you guys…especially you. He's just had a bad stretch."

Murdock looked back up and half-grinned. "We do fight pretty good, don't we?"

"You sure do. It's how we know B.A. cares. If he didn't like us, he would just ignore us. That or he would beat us senseless," Hannibal teased. They both shuddered at the thought.

Murdock stood up next to Hannibal and asked, "Is it okay if I go see Face? I can whip him up a peanut butter, pickle and sardine sandwich."

"I'm sure he would love that…but hold the peanut butter, pickles and sardines," Hannibal suggested, his own stomach turning at the mere thought of such a combination.

"Toast it is," Murdock reluctantly agreed, before walking toward the cabin.

"It looks like it's just you and me, Chuck," Hannibal said, sitting down on the tree stump that was previously occupied by Murdock. "You can keep me company while we wait for B.A. to come back." Two out of his three boys were doing better; now it was time to see how the big guy was holding up.

Hannibal soon noticed that Chuck wasn't a talkative. He enjoyed the peace and quiet for about an hour before he decided to check on the occupants of the cabin. Before he could move he heard the door of the cabin opening and closing. Maggie came and sat beside him.

"They are both asleep. Murdock's good for Face, they are so close, you all are but those two are just like twins."

"Most of the time they are the terrible twins, getting in trouble any chance they get. But I agree with you, they are good for each other, have been ever since Nam. Face keeps Murdock grounded and Murdock provides a cover for Face to just let go and be childish. I often scolded him for that but if I had known the things I learned about him during those past weeks…" he trailed off, more words were not needed.

"Murdock came in and prepared toast while talking to Face from the kitchen. The words didn't even make much sense to me most of the time but Face just smiled a little and was at ease, all the tension seemed to vanish. Then Murdock appears with a toast cut into the shape of an airplane and even coaxes Face into taking a small bite. It was all he could do to keep it inside but he did bite, did it for Murdock. And then Face shivered, just a little. Murdock nudged him lightly and without even looking up Face shifted to the side and Murdock got onto the bed and curled himself around Face. They are so in sync, it's amazing. Now they are asleep."

"Face always sleeps best with physical contact when he's sick. BA and I usually hold his hand or touch his arm but Murdock curls around him whenever possible. They did it in Nam when the nights were cold and we were out in the jungle. Sometimes on a mission when they bunk together I find them in the same bed when I go to wake them. Those two share a special bond."

They sat in silence for a while.

"It will be a few hours before BA gets back here. Why don't you get some rest too John?"

"No, one of us has to stay alert. I'm worried about those MP's that were hanging 'round the hospital."

"Okay, I'll catch some shut eye."

Hannibal sat there waiting for B.A. until the sunset. He was starting to get worried until he saw the familiar van coming down the road.

"Where've you been?" Hannibal asked casually, not wanting to annoy the muscular man before him.

"I needed some time to myself," B.A. grumbled. "Gotta problem with that?"

"No, no…I just wanted to talk to you about something."

"Can it wait, Colonel? It's been a long day and I'm pooped. " B.A. didn't wait for an answer before starting to walk away.

"Sure," Hannibal called after him.

"You don't need to hang 'round outside. Those MP's have gone, haven't been seen around the hospital for a while and I didn't also spot one." BA didn't even turn around while he informed Hannibal but just kept on walking.

Little did he know that it would be five days later before he and B.A. would really talk again. They would make small talk, but every time Hannibal would try to get B.A alone to discuss how he was feeling, B.A. would find an excuse to remove himself from the situation. But then something happened that caused the floodgates to open.

Mark was examining Face's hand at the kitchen table as they all sat anxiously watching. All signs of infection were gone and he had been back on his feet for a couple of days. He would tire easily and the antibiotics were still making him sick to his stomach, but he was on the mend.

"Your fractures are stable enough to begin some physical therapy," Mark announced. "Are you game?"

Face flashed a smile. "I can't speak for my hand, but the rest of me is ready to give it a go."

Mark explained how the point of these exercises would be to increase function and reduce the stiffness of the hand. "You haven't used the muscles and the tissues have not been stretched in weeks…it may take some time and…"

"Don't say it," Face interrupted with a sigh. "It's going to hurt like hell."

Mark smiled sympathetically. "Well, I was going to say that it might be uncomfortable, but you are probably closer to the truth."

At first it wasn't so bad, though Face could have done without the audience. They were staring at his hand so intently that he could almost feel their eyes shining on it. Mark had him move his three broken fingers one at a time. They didn't move much, especially the finger that had been wired. And it was, to quote Mark, 'uncomfortable'… but tolerable.

"Now I'm going to gently stretch each finger and see how much mobility you have." The doctor started with the two fingers that hadn't required surgery and slowly bent each finger back and then flexed them forward.

Sweat popped out across Face's forehead and he gritted his teeth. It felt as if Mark was ripping his fingers apart when in reality he was barely moving them.

Hannibal saw Face start to go pale and that his jaw muscles were tense from the pain. "You okay, kid?"

"Uh-huh," Face grunted. And he really thought he was. It hurt, but it had to be done if he was ever going to be of use to the team.

Mark paused a moment to let Face collect himself and explained what would happen next. "For the finger with the incision, I am going to have to move a little slower. It is almost healed, but if we play our cards right we can stretch the tissues to their maximum without causing a tear so as to prevent loss of functionality due to scar tissue."

Hannibal and Murdock flanked Face at both sides protectively knowing that what was to come wasn't going to be pleasant. B.A. stood back shifting from side to side uncomfortably.

"Maggie can you support his hand at the wrist?" Maggie did as told and Mark continued. "You have to remain as still as possible, Face. If you pull or jerk away, we can cause a tear."

Face nodded his understanding and tried to brace himself for what was to come. He gasped the moment Mark began to apply pressure and felt Hannibal and Murdock put their hands on his shoulders for support…physically and mentally. It was a slow, gradual, building pain that first was localized to his finger, but then seemed to permeate his hand, and finally his entire being.

B.A. watched as Face struggled to maintain control. He heard his friend gasp at first touch. Gasps turned to little groans and led to full on tortured grunts. He could feel his anger rising by the second.

"You're doing great, Face," Maggie cheered. "Just breathe."

Breathing wasn't an option as Mark continued to pull back literally taking his breath away. His vision was going gray and he felt dizzy. "Stop," he pleaded weakly. "Don't…feel so …good."

Mark carefully let up on the pressure as he felt Face start to slump to the side against Hannibal.

The entire room was stunned when B.A. lost it and snarled, "Can't listen to this anymore." He slammed his fist against the counter and stormed out of the room.

Face was on the verge of blacking out, but he had heard B.A.'s words. "Sorry…shoulda…been stronger. Kept…mouth…shut."

'Wait until I get my hands on B.A.,' Hannibal thought, still holding Face upright. 'He may be the next one to need some physical therapy.'

Face fought hard to stay conscious and succeeded but was so spent that he had to be supported by Hannibal to not fall from his chair. Mark ordered him to bed and to sleep. Hannibal motioned for Murdock to get hold of his legs while he took him under the shoulders and together they carried him to his bed, or rather the couch that was his bed for the time being. Face was asleep before they even reached their destination.

"Captain, stay with him." Without another word Hannibal was out of the door. No more words were needed; everybody in the cabin knew exactly what he was going to do.

Hannibal found BA by the van, turned him around by the shoulder and slammed him into the door of the van. Although it wasn't obvious by looking at the two men, Hannibal was a match for BA when it came to fighting.

"Careful with ma van, sucker."

"Care to tell me what that was all about, Sergeant?" Hannibal chose to ignore the comment but on the inside he was seething. How could BA care about the van but apparently not about Face?

"You know what. He could keep quiet during interrogations right from hell but here he is with nothing more than moving his fingers a little bit and he's putting on a show as if he's going to die."

The fist came without warning and hit home. BA's head snapped back into the door of the van and he saw stars for a moment.

When BA's vision had cleared he growled, "He can do it and you know it as much as I do."

"Yes, I know but that's not the point. He doesn't have too. We are not the enemy, at least where Murdock and I are concerned. And just for the record Sergeant, you know Face, you know he would never even moan when he's sick and in pain if he could help it. He doesn't need to hold back as much as in Nam or when captured by any of our numerous enemies, but he does hold back a lot. He's in a great deal of pain plus he is weak and Mark isn't going easy on him. He's putting him through the fastest therapy possible to regain full use of his hand as soon as possible. And you know why Face has asked for this? Because he wants to be of use to his team so he can be the sniper who backs up your sorry behind if things go south." Hannibal was beyond pissed and it showed in the tone and volume of his voice.

"I can watch out for myself, don't need him. He can slow down on the therapy and stop the noises."

"You, if you were in his case, you would threaten and scream at the one who caused you the pain and if you didn't know who it was you would simply find anybody else or even blame it on the doctor treating you."

"And that would be better. I know I screwed up. I know I caused him more pain by losing my temper. After all what is a toolbox? Fool coulda used it. But why doesn't Face threaten me, call me all kind of things, or ask for all kind of things and treats? Just like I did when we went to Bad Rock for the first time. I can handle that better than he being all friendly as if there's no problem between us to then remind everyone to what BA Baracus has done to his small brother."

"Because he's not you. He knows an accident when he sees one…and remember just what happened when we left Bad Rock. But you know what? You're right you did screw up, not when you threw the box at the wall, but now. Face will not make a sound again, because he can do it. As a result Mark will not know how far he can push and still be safe. It will prolong his healing and frustrate him."

In the cabin the others could hear every word and held their breaths as the verbal fight went on.

"Prolong his healing?" B.A. snorted. "We been waitin' for him to heal for over a month as it is."

"It's not his fault, B.A."

"Nothin' is ever his fault, is it?"

"I'm not saying that…"

B.A. shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Don't need to say it, Colonel."

"We all have our faults, but," Hannibal was practically screaming by now, "my God, B.A., is it Face's fault that he was orphaned? Is it Face's fault that he was molested? Is it Face's fault that the woman he loved became a nun? Is it Face's fault that he was brutally raped and beaten in the camps? Or perhaps you think it's Face's fault that we are fugitives?"

Inside the cabin they thought Face was sleeping, but he awoke when the loud fighting started. He took note as Hannibal ran down the list of his "faults". With each one the knife in his gut twisted. Tears were leaking out of his closed eyes as he kept listening.

"Don't you care at all about the man lying in there?" Hannibal questioned.

B.A. didn't answer. He didn't know how to say that he knew none of this was Face's fault and that the real person he was angry at was himself. He was angry that he had misjudged Face all of these years and made fun of him for the way he acted. He should have known that it was all an act…after all, Momma didn't raise a fool. He was angry that he was so cruel to him in Ecuador. And now he was disgusted at himself for his behavior over the last week and up to this very moment.

Unfortunately, Face couldn't hear B.A.'s thoughts; he could only hear the silence. 'So all that stuff he said about us being brothers and family was a lie.' The self doubt was starting to creep back in. Who else was lying to him? Was the con artist himself being conned?

B.A. looked at the ground deflated. "Of course I care about Face," he said in a low voice.

Hannibal lowered his own voice to match that of the sergeant. "You sure have a funny way of showing it."

"I…I…just can't stand to see him hurting so much. With every cry and every scream it reminds me of all the bad things I did to him."

Hannibal's eyes opened wide in shock. "What are you talking about, B.A.?"

"I ain't been a good friend to him. I always put him down and threaten him."

"You threaten all of us, B.A….daily," Hannibal smiled, but immediately wiped the grin off his face when he saw how upset B.A. truly was. "We know you don't really mean it."

"You do and the fool does, but does Face really know it? I always thought he did, but that was 'fore I knew just how much he been hurt in his life. He probably just thinks that I hate him…'specially now."

Hannibal put his arm around B.A.'s shoulder…or as much of it as he could reach. "You need to talk to him…to tell him what you just told me."

"I…I…don't know, man. I ain't good at this emotional junk."

Hannibal smiled wide and this time kept his lips in that position. "You're doing just fine with the 'emotional junk' if you ask me."

"I'll think about it, colonel," B.A. said.

"Face needs you, B.A. You talk to him when you feel ready." Hannibal gave the massive shoulder a squeeze before turning back toward the cabin. By the time Hannibal made it back to Face's room he was out again and would remain that way the rest of the night.


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37:

Morning arrived and with it came another therapy session. It was almost identical to the one prior, with a couple of exceptions: B.A. was absent and the pain was worse. His hand still hurt from the day before and every movement or touch was unbearable.

But Face was aware that B.A. was only down the hall…he wanted to scream…God it hurt! But no matter what, he was determined not to make a sound.

When it got very bad he asked himself why he did this to himself. BA didn't care about him, why did he care about what BA thought of him? He could just let go and scream, after all the whole family and brother crap was a lie. But he had grown fond of them. He realized he didn't want to live without them even if they kept him around for scamming supplies only. The fact of the matter was they did keep him around. He could not risk being kicked out of the team over annoying BA with his whining. So he kept on enduring the ever growing pain.

Hannibal was watching Face like a hawk. He had to make sure to read the signs correctly.

"Mark, stop. He can't take any more."

Mark did stop and Face wanted to scream 'no, I can do it' but all he could do was breath. He realized that he could not have endured anymore and it was frustrating. He wanted to be strong, be able to get through the therapy fast and be of use to the team, but instead he was weak and pathetic.

The list of 'faults' that Hannibal had screamed at BA came to his mind. Had Hannibal really meant what he had said about him meaning a lot to Hannibal or was it only pity for Face that had made him say the words he so desperately had needed to hear? Was he conned again? Had he wanted it to be true so much that he didn't see the lies behind it? Face couldn't help the tears of frustration that run out from under closed eye lids. That made matters worse. How could he be so weak that he couldn't even control his tears?

Face was embarrassed to realize that he had been so engrossed in his thoughts that he had not even taken account of his surroundings. By now he couldn't even tell who was with him and who had left the room. He started to concentrate before he opened his eyes. He was still sitting at the kitchen table, or rather slumped over it with his head resting on his good arm. Next he became aware of fingers carting through his hair and a voice murmuring words.

"It's okay kid, you did real good. This was just the second session and you already gained some movement. Your doctors were very pleased with you. Shh, I'm here for you."

Hannibal. And he felt Murdock's hand on his shoulder. They were here with him, no, for him.

They gave him a moment to compose himself and then moved him to the bed. As much as he wanted to give in to the exhaustion he needed to know something.

"Hannibal, was it all pity?"

"Let me be honest, kid, I know how you don't want people to pity you and I'm trying not to. But it's hard. You've been through too many bad things in your life, things I wouldn't wish in anybody, let alone my surrogate son. So I sometimes can't help myself and do pity you a bit. But pity was nowhere near the reason when I told you that you mean that much to me. Now sleep, son."

Face was at ease now. The last thing he was dimly aware of before falling asleep was BA entering the room.

B.A. watched Face amazed at just how young he looked when he was asleep. Young…and innocent. But none of them were innocent anymore; the war took care of that for them. It stripped them of whatever innocence they may have had remaining form childhood and left them jaded and disillusioned.

It saddened B.A. to know that for Face his innocence was gone long before Nam.

Face began to moan softly, his head shifting from side to side. B.A. was well aware that a nightmare was looming. "Wake up, Faceman," he said shaking his arm. "You dreamin', man…wake up."

It took Face a few moments to come around. "B.A.? You okay?" he asked sounding disoriented and confused.

B.A. chuckled. "Yeah…I'm fine, man. How you feelin'?"

Face didn't answer; he was busy looking around trying to get his bearings and figure out what had happened. One attempt at moving his injured hand brought everything rushing back. "Ow," he moaned, but quickly shut his mouth remembering the words that were said by his current companion the day prior.

"You doin' alright? Your hand botherin' you?"

Face shook his head. "I'm fine. I can handle it," he said mechanically.

"I know you can handle it…but that ain't what I asked you."

"Look, I've been nothing but a cry baby lately. You were right…I can be stronger." Face tried to flash a confident grin, but grimaced as a pain shot up his hand. He quickly looked down embarrassed that he let his discomfort show.

"No you can't," B.A. retorted. Seeing Face's shoulder's slump in disappointment he explained, "no you can't 'cause you already been stronger than any of us would've been if we was in your shoes."

Face looked back up trying to figure out if B.A. was telling the truth or just feeding him some lines Hannibal had given him. Of any of them, B.A. was the easiest to read. He wore his emotions similarly to how he wore his gold…out in the open and impossible to miss.

One glimpse into his eyes and Face was convinced. "You mean that, don't you?"

"Yeah…B.A. Baracus don't say nothin' if he don't mean it."

"Good, because…" the words died on Face's lips as excruciating pain attacked his hand. It felt as if his muscles had locked up and were stuck in a torturous contraction. Face couldn't speak…he couldn't move…he couldn't breathe.

B.A. jumped up in panic as he saw Face go deathly pale. "What's wrong, man?" Face was unresponsive; frozen in agony. "Hold tight…I'm gonna get help."

B.A. flew down the hall and out the door to where Mark was sitting on the porch with the rest of the gang. He all but picked the doctor up and carried him to Face; the others following closely behind. By the time they returned, Face was gasping, sweat covering his entire body.

Mark saw by the positioning of Face's fingers that they had cramped up and he was going to need some help to release them. "Face, I need you to try and relax…breathe. I'm going to try and help you. Do you understand?"

Mark didn't bother waiting for a response before he took hold of Face's hand and started gently massaging the tissues. Face jerked away from the pressure and reached out with his good arm for something…anything…to hold onto. That something was B.A.

B.A. saw Face reaching out and he wasn't about to leave him hanging. Face was biting at his lower lip and trying not to make a sound. "I gotcha, lil' brother. You scream if you hafta."

Mark was still working on Face's hand and it wasn't going well. The muscles just didn't want to relax. He was causing him more pain by massaging over the healing bones and stretching the fingers so shortly after the physical therapy session. Face was constantly trying to jerk his hand away which didn't make matters any easier.

"Maggie I need some Methocarbamol here, it's in my bag."

Maggie hurried to get the injection ready while Mark prepared Face.

"Face, I'm going to inject you with a muscle relaxant to stop the cramp."

Upon hearing the word injection Face turned his head and spotted the syringe coming his way. Although he had gotten used to seeing those things around and had relaxed some there was no way he would allow any needle to be put into his already agonizing hand. The fear gave him strength and he bolted from the bed.

Hannibal had seen the look of horror in his lieutenants' eyes and knew what would come. He wasn't fast enough to pin him to the bed but caught him by the shoulders and with the help of BA and Murdock, and the dizziness from the sudden movement, maneuvered him back on the bed and held him there for Mark to do his job.

As the medicine kicked in the cramp slowly resolved and Face calmed down. His hand was still hurting but not as bad as before.

"Was that the first time you had a cramp since this ordeal started?"

"Well…uhm…it was the first severe one."

"Face, don't dodge the question. When, where and why didn't you tell anyone?" Mark didn't have much experience with patients that try to hide their discomfort at all costs.

"I had several small ones in my legs over the last weeks and one in the hand yesterday, but not as severe."

"And why didn't you say anything?"

"Maggie said it was to be expected with the poison so I thought…"

"You couldn't have heard what Maggie said, you were out of it during those early stages." Hannibal was puzzled. Had he heard all this and felt all the agony right from the beginning?

"Murdock told me later on."

"The poison has long since left your body and just because it is to be expected doesn't mean you shouldn't tell your doctor. You're really some kind of patient I haven't experienced before." Mark reached for an empty syringe and three sets of hands instantly grabbed for Face.

"I'm going to draw some blood to test the level of minerals. With all the vomiting you're probably low. Maggie, when did you have the last IV in?"

"About five days back."

"Murdock, there's still some oral rehydration solution in the supplies. Mix one litter and make sure he drinks all over the next two hours." Mark got busy on his tests and Murdock went about his task.

When Mark was done Face was just finishing his first cup. He hated the taste of this stuff.

"Better get used to it. You are low on about every mineral there is. If I should use BA's words…"

'…don't be such a wimp.' Face mentally added.

BA would have gone pale if it wasn't for his color. 'He can't mean to tell him not to whine.'

"…You're a damn fool. If you had just said something earlier on you would have saved yourself from a lot of pain. If you had a cramp in your hand yesterday I can just imagine how good the therapy felt today. The cramps are caused by lack of minerals and dehydration. And the physical extortion from yesterday made matters worse. Your muscles have shortened while they were immobilized in the cast and now I stretched them to the maximum. That would be okay if your mineral level was high enough but not as it is. The medicine I injected can cause dizziness, headache and nausea and I want to know if any of those side effects or any others for that matter show themselves, is that understood?"

Face nodded meekly. He shouldn't whine and now they wanted him too. Could he ever do the right thing?

"Good, now rest. Tomorrow's session is cancelled. You need to build up on the minerals first. I'll do another blood test the day after tomorrow and then we'll see."

BA wanted to sink into the ground. He had caused this. Face would have said something about today's session but instead had endured all the pain and just made matters worse.

As the others left the room one by one, BA held onto Face's hand who was miserably looking down at his covered legs. Face had just wanted to not cause too much inconvenience for the others and heal fast and now there was another break in his therapy.

"I'm sorry man, I've been such a jerk. I was angry with maself for treating you that unfair all the time and I took it out on you."

Face did a double take. He couldn't have heard that, his mind was playing games with him. BA Baracus didn't apologize and especially not to somebody of the likes of Templeton Peck. But something else struck him as odd. B.A. wasn't exactly nice to him during the past week, but B.A. seemed to be talking about more than that. "What do you mean by treating me unfair all the time?" he asked.

"I'm always raggin' on you…makin' fun of the way you dress and the way you act."

Face smiled a genuine smile and teased, "I never did understand that coming from a man who thinks that feathers, gold and coveralls are high fashion." It was B.A.'s turn to look surprised. "I don't mind when you kid around with me, B.A. I know it may not show lately, but I know how to take a joke. I've built up some pretty thick skin through the years," Face winced, "skin that has been poked and prodded a little too much of late."

"So it's a good thing that I call you names and stuff?"

Face nodded but stopped as his head was beginning to throb. "As long as you realize that I am going to dish it back." His voice was growing weaker and his words taking longer to get out. "I could…do…without you…making scenes in…my favorite restaurants," he joked.

"I'll see what I can do, man…but some of them places you go to deserve it."

Face wanted to come back with a witty comment, but the latest injection was really starting to take its toll on him and he wasn't feeling very good. He closed his eyes trying to stop the dizziness, but he still felt like he was spinning.

"Faceman, you okay? What can I do?" B.A. asked. Face suddenly looked very ill and had changed colors once again, this time to an insipid yellow.

"Stay…stay…with me," Face pleaded. "Talk…to…to…me."

B.A. talked to Face more in the next half-hour than he probably had in a year. He didn't have a clue if he was making any sense, but he just knew that he had to keep talking to try and distract his friend from his misery. He started to notice that Face's breathing was becoming labored and he had broken out into what looked like hives.

"Faceman…can you hear me?" he asked in a near panic. Face moaned weakly in response. Mark had told him to alert him of any side effects, but B.A. hadn't thought they were too serious until now. He forced himself to keep his voice calm and said, "I'm going to get Maggie and Mark…it's been a while and they should check you out."

Another moan from Face and B.A. was out the door and running to get help for the second time that day.

Mark was the first to enter the cabin after BA had come for them. Face was having trouble responding and was obviously slow to work out the question and find the answer. He was having great difficulties breathing. Mark helped him into a more upright position to ease his breathing. Before he could reach for the oxygen Maggie was already holding it out to him. He placed the mask over Face's nose and mouth and he relaxed a little.

"BA, jump into your van and race to the next pharmacy. We need an antihistamine spray and we need it now. Maggie'll call ahead to get everything set."

BA was out of the door before Mark had even finished speaking. The next pharmacy was 20 minutes away and he had to hurry.

"Face, you're having an allergic reaction to the drug I gave you. You have hives and your airways are swelling shut. BA's gone to get you a drug. For now being in a raised position and inhaling from the oxygen mask will help you. Should BA not return in time we may have to intubate you. You also show signs of prolonged reaction time and a mild jaundice. The jaundice can't really be a reaction from the drug, it's too fast. The drug was only the aspect that caused the symptoms to show but I suspect a liver problem. Possibly from the poison or from a bruised liver. Did you have any abdominal spasms?"

"At the beginning, yes."

"Just great. Could have mentioned it. Since you are not taking the drug any longer it should go. Do you feel any abdominal pain?"

"Just a little."

"I guess you have a bruised liver from the abdominal cramps. It will regenerate itself. As soon as you're up to I want to send you into my clinic and get a proper picture of your insides though."

They settled in to wait for BA. Face's breathing got worse and Hannibal climbed on the bed behind him to hold him in an upright position while he forced breath after breath in and out. BA made it back in record time, carrying a bag of supplies Maggie had called in.

Getting Face to inhale the medicine was another thing. Taking a couple of deep breaths wasn't an easy task in his condition. Soon after inhaling the medicine his breathing eased and he slumped against Hannibal. The stress and pain were taking their toll on him and he was sleeping while sitting up. Hannibal waited for Maggie to build up a wall of pillows for Face to lean on before slipping out from beneath him to join the conversation.

"BA, what came first, the hives or the breathing troubles?"

"First he was tired, speaking slow with gaps in between the words, then the hives and the breathing came last."

"How long did this go on?"

"About 30 minutes before I called you."

"30 minutes? Why did you wait that long to call us? Does anybody on this team mind the doctors' demands for being called?"

B.A.'s head dropped. "Damn," he muttered.

Maggie patted B.A.'s arm maternally and looking at Mark said, "These guys have been together a long time, Mark. They can usually read each other pretty well. I'm sure B.A. came to us the instant he thought there was something wrong."

Mark took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I know…and I don't mean to come off a judgmental. It's just that this could have turned real bad, real fast. We have to stay on top of everything that is going on inside of Face if we want to get him 100% healthy." He looked around the room at the three men standing before him and started, "Let me be clear…"

Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. fully expected a lecture, but were surprised when Mark finished the sentence with, "I have never met a bunch of men so loyal and dedicated to each other in my entire life. It's quite remarkable and I must say that I am a bit jealous of your bond."

Hannibal walked over and put his arms around his two conscious men. "You don't go through what the four of us have together and come out the other end unless you have true friends…make that family…to lean on."

Murdock motioned at Face and said, "And I personally have leaned on that man over there so many times that it's a small wonder he doesn't walk slanted."

They stood quiet, taking in the moment before Hannibal asked, "What can we expect now?"

"There's no way to tell. He had a severe reaction to the drug I injected. The inhaler helped with his respiratory issues, but it wouldn't surprise me if we see some other negative effects until the drug leaves his system."

Thirty-six hours later, they were still gathered in the same room, except now it looked as if it had been hit by a hurricane. That hurricane's name was Face.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38:

While sleeping Face had spiked a high temperature and began to hallucinate wildly. At times it would take all three of his teammates to keep him still on the bed afraid that he would do more damage to his healing wounds. And once he regained consciousness, he began to vomit repeatedly. In between heaves they would try to force fluids into him to quell any dehydration, but it seemed to only increase the nausea.

Mark was close to insisting they take the ailing man to a hospital when he noticed that Face, who had passed out again from exhaustion, had broken out into a heavy sweat. Putting a hand to his forehead, he announced with a smile, "His fever has broken. Let's get him on an IV to replace some fluids and hope we are over the worst of it."

It had been a day and a half of pure hell and they were all beyond the point of fatigue, both physical and mental. Mark explained how the delay in Face's physical therapy was going to pose a huge challenge. "Each day that goes by without him using that hand is only going to prolong the healing process and cause him a much greater amount of pain when we start again. And now, after what his body just went through, we cannot give him any drugs whatsoever. It's going to take a tremendous effort on his part to endure the physical strain and on your parts to watch him go through it."

Maggie could see that the guys were close to the point of collapse. "Why don't we try and get some rest while Face is still out?" One by one Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. went over to Face before settling down on the floor or on a chair. "I meant in your beds," Maggie corrected.

"I ain't goin' nowhere, mama," B.A. said softly. Hannibal and Murdock nodded their agreement. They were right where they belonged.

It was another couple of days before Face was strong enough to start up his therapy again and Mark explained what was likely going to happen and how difficult it was going to be. Sitting at the table staring at his hand, he was terrified of the pain to come…and it turned out to be with good reason. He could never have prepared himself for what was about to happen.

The heavy reaction to the drug had left him even weaker than before. As a result he felt every pain tenfold worse than normal. He didn't have the energy to suppress the grunts and moans as Mark worked on his hand and it frustrated him to no end. His fingers were not even bending fully but it felt as if the flesh was being sliced of the bone. Mark pulled and bent and massaged and after what felt like ages but was in reality only a few minutes he stopped.

"You are on the verge of passing out. No matter what you say you can't take this. I'll cut down on the intensity of the sessions. This means you will take longer to heal but therefore it's safe. I can't have you cramping up like that again."

Face wanted to argue but was busy concentrating on breathing. He didn't want him to go easy on his therapy, he didn't want to prolong things, he didn't want to be a liability…but he couldn't manage a single word. He wanted to ball his fists in frustration but even that was working for only one hand. In addition he was barely able to hold his eyes open. Wiped out by moving his fingers, no, make that having his fingers moved by someone else. Some soldier he was. He was only dimly aware of being maneuvered back to the bed and that was the last thing he saw.

"I'll stay with you for the next week and do some stretching exercises and build up exercises with him. After that week he should be able to make limited use of his hand. I'll then leave you with more exercises and check on him from time to time." Mark sighed and run a hand through his hair. "You should really recommend a different career for him."

Hannibal's eyes narrowed, "Are you suggesting his team is not good for him?"

Mark held up his hands, "I'm just saying he should avoid dangers. The way he reacts on medicine it can be getting real bad for him. Look at what a single shot did to him. And it's a commonly used medicine too."

A week voice from behind them said, "Wasn't dangerous. Going to the beach got me in this."

"Thought you were sleeping. How's the pain?"

"Bearable."

"Good. You're right. You're just not lucky no matter what you do. Maybe you the greatest conman ever, should scam yourself some more luck."

"Used up all my luck to fulfill my biggest dream, can't have everything." Before his eyes drifted shut again he added "got myself a family."

The week went by too slow for Face's liking. The pain was better but Mark refused to speed up on his therapy and the others wouldn't also hear a single word of it. While his foot and leg had healed well and he was now able to walk with only a slight limp his hand was practically useless. Mark had given him his exercises of the week before leaving. Drawing lines on paper and moving marbles from one bowl to the next alternately using a spoon or his fingers. In addition he had to continue with the exercises from last week.

Face sat at the kitchen table while Murdock was cooking. He could clumsily hold the pen or the spoon but wasn't able to put pressure on the pen or maneuver the spoon correctly. Frustrated he threw everything to the floor causing Murdock to jump.

"What is it Face?"

"I'm useless. Just look at me, I'm useless. I can't even use a pen or a spoon. How am I going to pull a trigger, left alone be a sniper? Next time I may shoot one of you instead of the dirt around the goon's feet. Can't even pull a scam."

Murdock tried to diffuse the situation."Last time I checked, we didn't call you "Handman", we called you "Faceman". Of course you can still run a scam…that is unless your hand does the talking."

Face didn't even crack a smile. "Wonderful…so now my only value is to stand there and look good."

Murdock shook his head slightly; this was going to be harder than he thought. "I didn't say that." He took a seat next to Face at the table. "Look…even if your hand is never the same again, you do so much more for the team than shoot a gun."

Face sighed loudly. "I can't even run fast anymore, Murdock. I'm just going to hold all of you back. If Lynch comes looking for…"

Fire blazed in Murdock's eyes and he blurted out, "if that psychopath comes anywhere near us it will be a fight to see which one of us kills him first for what he did to you."

"No!" Face exclaimed. "I don't want any of you to kill for me. That would just be one more thing I would feel responsible for. And God knows I have enough on the list already."

"Fine…we won't kill him…but we will make him suffer and wish he were dead. Deal?"

Face nodded his head; he just wondered if he would be able to hold himself back if the time ever came.

Murdock continued, "and you have nothing to feel responsible for. Everything that has happened over the last couple of months is the result of bad luck and bad timing. Nobody blames you for any of it, so stop beating yourself up."

'If it were only that easy,' Face thought. He was black and blue on the inside and had been for years. He wondered if the damage would ever really heal or at least fade to a tolerable level. "Thanks, Murdock," Face grinned and then leaned over to pick up some of the objects he had thrown onto the floor.

While he still had his head down, Murdock asked, "do you blame us for anything, Face? I mean…are you angry at us about anything? Anything at all?…be honest."

Face sat up quickly in surprise…too quickly. He saw spots in front of his eyes and swayed in his seat.

"Whoa, buddy," Murdock said standing and grabbing hold of Face's shoulders to keep him upright. "You okay?"

Face was blinking his eyes rapidly trying to clear the spots. "Yeah…just moved too quick is all."

"Maybe you should lay down for a while? Hannibal and B.A. will be back soon and we'll wake you for dinner." They had left earlier that day to take Maggie back to Bad Rock since Face was doing so much better.

"I am kind of tired," Face admitted and with a trace of his usual wit added, "picking up spoons and marbles is exhausting, you know."

Murdock helped Face walk down the hall to his room frowning as he noticed Face weaving as he walked. Once he was settled in bed, Face closed his eyes immediately. He was starting to get a headache and the light was bothering his eyes...the start of a migraine. He knew he should have mentioned something to Murdock, but there wasn't anything he could do for him anyway now that he wasn't allowed any pain killers.

Murdock quietly tip-toed toward the door not wanting to disturb what he assumed was a sleeping Face. He had his hand on the knob when Face called out to him.

"Murdock? I never answered your question."

Murdock was confused. "What question?"

"You asked me if I was angry at you guys," Face answered sleepily. "No…the answer is no." He wanted to say more but his head was growing heavy and he gave into the darkness.

Murdock smiled before returning to his cooking. "Sleep tight, Face," he whispered.

Less than an hour later, Murdock saw Hannibal and B.A. come peeling down the road toward the cabin; the van skidding to a halt in front of the porch.

Hannibal jumped out of the van running for the cabin while BA got in a position to stand watch, leaving the driver's door open to get away as fast as possible.

"Murdock pack up. The place is swarming with police. Face, get into the van."


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39:

They knew how to leave a place spotless in under 10 minutes. Grab their gear, throw it in the van, clear out the cabinets in the kitchen and bathroom and wipe the entire place for prints.

As Murdock and Hannibal worked on doing just that Hannibal noticed that Face was still lying on the couch but not asleep. "Face" Hannibal bellowed "I said get into the van, now."

Face winced at the voice echoing through his head. He had hoped to just stay put and wait until the nausea died down. Looked like he had to continue his battle in the van. Anything to stop Hannibal from bellowing again. He made his way to the door, the sunlight hurt and he closed his eyes and just stood there. Since everybody was busy nobody paid any attention to him. At least the fresh air helped with the nausea. When he had the pain under control he opened his eyes just enough to see and went over to the van, taking his usual seat.

By now the van was loaded and Hannibal and Murdock were wiping away prints.

"MP's?"

"No, regular police. Don't think they saw us and not sure who they are looking for but I don't want to take chances."

"In case they aren't looking for us don't you think they know which cabin is rented out and won't they get suspicious if it's empty?"

"Good point, Murdock. Let's finish wiping the place down and then we move some clothes and food back in; let it look as if the occupant is out on a day trip. BA can install a bug so we know what's going on and if it's safe to come back."

They did just that and then left, going deeper into the forest with no sign of the police yet. Face was holding his own but with difficulties. The darkness of the forest helped some but the rocking and sound of the van made matters worse. After a while Hannibal called a halt.

"We don't know who they are looking for, BA. We need to listen to our bug and to the police radio. Can we do that while being away from the van?"

"I can use the portable set, will allow us to be away from the van maximum five clicks maybe less if the place is hilly."

"Okay, we stash the van and hike. We hole up in a safe distance and find out what's going on. The police were just swarming in like that, blocking all the roads leading to the lake. We were lucky we were ahead of them and probably unseen. This is a large forest area and they can't comb it all. We have an advantage over them when it comes to hiding in a forest. We are relatively safe out here. Let's pack three packs and then head out. Face, how are you holding up?"

There was nothing any of them could do for him. Hannibal had said three packs so they were already carrying his share. No need to worry them with the migraine. "I can manage a little walk." He tried to sound as confident as possible but Hannibal eyed him warily.

"Don't overdo it. Tell us when it gets too much."

They were soon on their way to a strategic point on a hill that Hannibal had located on a map. Face was doing okay for the first 500 meters but started swaying after that. He was sweating, his head was about to explode and his stomach was turning like a roller coaster. Murdock was behind him with Hannibal on point and BA bringing up the rear.

"You okay, muchacho?"

Murdock's voice was like a stabbing pain in Face's head. He closed his eyes for a moment to get it under control and didn't see s root in his path. He tripped over it, stumbled forward, fell and hit his head on a tree. He promptly curled up in a ball cradling his head with one arm while wrapping the other one around his middle.

Murdock and Hannibal were at his side in moments. "He tripped and hit his head on that tree."

"Face, kid, look at me." No reaction other than a moan. "Face, come on, open your eyes. Where are you hurt? Did you fall on your hand?"

All he wanted was for Hannibal to keep quiet. He couldn't open his eyes and he couldn't walk another step. While he contemplated how to relate all this to Hannibal without talking his stomach decided that it wasn't going to wait any longer and he was violently sick on the forest floor.

By the time the retching stopped he was covered in sweat and gasping for air, his eyes screwed tight.

Hannibal misread the signs and thought of a concussion from hitting the tree. He reached out to open Face's eyes and check the pupils but was batted away.

"C'mon, Face, let me have a look."

"Hurts"

"I know…you hit your head. Let me see how bad it is."

"No"

"Face, we don't have time for this."

Damn, Hannibal thought he didn't want him to look. He had to let him know that it was a migraine and not the fact that he had hit the tree; that was just the icing on the cake. But talking sent stabbing pains through his head and he couldn't think clear.

"Hurts"

"Okay, let me quickly shine a light in your eyes and you're done."

No, no. Anything but that.

"Mi…migraine." There, should have thought of just saying it earlier.

"Oh no…you could have said that earlier on. I still need to see your eyes, you hit your head. I won't shine in them, promised. Come on, kid."

There wasn't much light in the forest but when Hannibal forced his eyes opened it was as if somebody had held a 1000 watt bulb right in front of him. The pain was just cruel.

"Sorry kid. No concussion but he isn't going to walk anywhere from here."

"Hannibal, just got something' in from the police radio. They ain't lookin' for us. A group of six robbers escaped while being transported from one prison to the next and are hidin' in the woods."

"Good. Then there's hope they'll find them fast and leave. I want us to move one more click away from here. BA, give me your pack and the radio, you are going to carry Face."

"You got it. Face doesn't weigh anything. I can take your pack in exchange. Mine's too large."

"Fine, but let me prepare him first. Gimme your bandana and a towel."

"Face, I'm going to blindfold you. I'll wrap a towel over your eyes and ears and fix it with the bandana."

"No, please." Face wanted to stay in control.

"It's okay Faceman, I got you. Will be easier on you that way. You hear ma gold rattling and you know that's me who got you."

Every step B.A. took felt as if a hammer was being thrashed against his head. And in between steps, the sound of B.A.'s chains sent daggers into his skull. It took pure will power for him not to cry out, but he wanted to be strong and not slow the team down anymore than he already had.

B.A. could feel Face trembling in pain and he walked as smoothly as he could. He was relieved when he felt the body in his arms go limp. He was even more relieved when a few minutes later Hannibal stopped at a small clearing that was well hidden by the surrounding foliage.

Without words they went about their business of making a comfortable spot to lay their teammate down on. B.A. continued to hold Face tight while Murdock spread out one blanket and Hannibal rolled up another to use as a pillow. Once all was set, B.A. ever so carefully lowered Face down to the ground. Not wanting to disturb the lieutenant, they stepped away before discussing their plan of action.

"What's the plan, Colonel?" Murdock asked.

"I don't think we should go back to the cabin, man," B.A. stated. "That's askin' for trouble."

"Agreed," Hannibal said reaching for a cigar to help him think. "I don't think we should go anywhere until Face is a little more fit to travel. Let's take stock of what we have and figure out our next location."

They were so absorbed making preparations for the near future that they lost sight of the present. By the time they heard the sound of twigs snapping underneath somebody's foot, it was too late. They turned around in unison to see a man dressed in a prison uniform holding a shotgun aimed in their direction.

"Now, you just put your arms up and hold it right where you are," the thirty-something year old escaped convict snarled. "One move and I'll blow you away."

Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. raised their hands up in the air in surrender inwardly cursing themselves for letting their guards down for this to happen.

The inmate motioned toward the still figure lying on the ground a few feet away from them. "What's wrong with him?"

"He's hurt real bad," Hannibal stated. "He has a busted hand and a severe head wound. He's been unconscious for hours."

Murdock and B.A. knew that the colonel was trying to exaggerate Face's situation so their assailant would leave Face alone and not harm him more than he already was. Unfortunately, they also knew that Face was too ill at the moment to be of any aid to them and that they would have to figure a way out of this without him.

Face was about to prove them wrong.


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40:

They were told to lie on the ground, face down, and to put their hands behind their backs. The prisoner had taken Hannibal's word on the condition of Face and hadn't bothered to check on him. That was a big mistake as Face had come to earlier at the sound of the unfamiliar voice. His migraine hadn't lessened any, in fact the dizziness and nausea had increased due to the added fear and stress of their situation. Hannibal had thought ahead and loosened the blindfold so that it was only laying over Face's eyes and ears in order for Face not to panic upon waking up. He could look out from under it and it also provided some cover should the gunman look at him.

Sick as he was, the guys needed him and that was giving him strength. Watching through barely slit eyes, he waited until the gunman had his back turned and was focused on getting his friends onto the ground before making his move. He reached into the pack that was by his side and felt around until it cool metal hit his warm skin. He slowly pulled the gun out with his good hand which happened to be the wrong hand for him to try shooting with…but their captor didn't know that.

Face took a deep breath, opened his eyes wide in spite of the instant shock of pain it caused, and silently rose to his feet. Running on adrenaline, he inched his way forward holding the gun out in front of him and pointed directly at their assailant's back. His years of training had taught him how to move without making a sound…the crook never heard him coming.

The problem was that the crook didn't have enough training in how to behave when a gun is pointed at your back. That or he was just too dense to notice it was a gun. Instead of freezing in place he whirled around shotgun still in hand. Face was in no condition to react fast and the Shotgun hit him in the side of his head. He fell to the ground his lower ribcage and abdomen connecting with a medium sized rock. The last thing he remembered before unconsciousness claimed him was intense pain.

The commotion provided enough distraction. Before the escaped robber knew what was happening BA had him in a choke hold, Murdock disarmed him and Hannibal was at Face's side.

"How's he doing Colonel?" Murdock disarmed Face, who was still holding his gun, too. Just in case he didn't know where he was when he woke up.

"Out cold and bleeding from a wound at his right temple, pulse steady but too high, breathing okay. You better hope it's only from adrenalin. Where are your friends, scumbag?"

"We split up to increase our chances." The guy answered immediately.

BA felt he could do with some prodding and pounding anyway, just to see if he spoke the truth. That was the official version. Truth was he was outraged that the scum had injured Face further, even if it was by accident.

"Split up to increase your chances? Ever heard of team work you moron?" Murdock was about to start his turn on the goon when Hannibal called a halt.

"Stop it guys, wrap him up and tie him to a tree. And hush it, remember Face's condition, he doesn't need any noise."

When all was done they gathered a bit away from Face to discuss how to go on.

"We can't move until Face comes to and we can assess him. We are dealing with five more idiots on the run. This one was able to sneak up on us. We have to be more careful. We can't send this one to the police as long as we're holed up here. He may tip them off. We wait until Face wakes up. If he's able to be transported Murdock will escort our friend here to the police and try to gather some more information. The rest of us changes location. Unfortunately, we are trapped in this forest until the police moves. If he needs help, you two move out and I'll bring the police here."

As if on cue Face started to moan and shift. The more he came to the more his face turned into a grimace of pain. He tried to curl up and cradle his head in his hands but Hannibal held his injured hand away from him to prevent further injury there.

"Face, can you hear me?" Hannibal took the moan as a yes.

"Face, I know it hurts but I need you to open your eyes for a second."

If at all possible he screwed his eyes closed even more tightly. That at least showed he understood what was being said.

"C'mon kid, just a second." Hannibal motioned for BA to keep Face's head still while Hannibal straddled him and pinned his arms to the ground with his legs. Hannibal pried Face's eyes open one by one and Face kicked out with his legs. He wanted to tell Hannibal to stop but his mouth wasn't working. Why could Hannibal not see that opening his eyes just wasn't an option? He had saved them from the crook or had he? He couldn't remember. And where were they anyway? The place didn't smell like jungle. The blackness overtook him once again.

Face went limp and Hannibal and BA let go. Hannibal checked the wound on his temple and redressed it, noting with relief that it didn't seem infected.

"I don't like this, not one bit. His eyes are unfocused and glassy but not diluted. He's obviously in a lot of more pain than he was before. I can't make out if it's the migraine that has increased or he has a concussion in addition to the migraine. Kid's gone through enough. He should be in a hospital instead of lying on the forest floor."

"Hannibal, what do doctors do with migraine?" Murdock spoke up from his sentry point sensing the building frustration in Hannibal.

"Give medication and provide quiet and darkness."

"Right, and with concussion?"

"The same."

"Exactly, and what did Mark say about meds? A hospital wouldn't do him any good. We only have to make sure we don't jostle him around too much."

It wasn't exactly that easy but their chances were limited.

"We let him rest for the night. If he doesn't get worse we head out in the morning. Murdock, you take the goon back and see if you can get any information. BA, we build a stretcher and move here." He brought out a map and indicated the place to Murdock. It was on the opposite site of the van from where they were now. About four kilometers to walk. Murdock would circle back to meet them there and hopefully gather enough information about the actions of the police to help them plan ahead.

Face didn't so much as stir during the night and that had them all deeply concerned. They rotated between keeping watch, looking after Face and sleeping…not that any of them had much luck in the sleep department.

As the sun came up Hannibal sent Murdock off to return the escaped criminal to the police. "Take the van, but park a good distance away from the station. The last thing we need is for somebody to recognize it. That is if you get that far. The way police was swarming the place yesterday you might come across them close to our cabin so watch out. You play the innocent camper who came across our friend here in the middle of the woods. See if you can find out any information and we'll meet you at the rendezvous."

Murdock did his best impression of a wide-eyed country boy. "I'm just doing my duty as a concerned citizen."

"Perfect," Hannibal smiled.

"Face taught me well," Murdock beamed. The smile vanished from his lips as he looked at the still deeply unconscious man. "But, what about Face? I thought we weren't going to move him until he was awake."

"I thought he would be with us by now," Hannibal admitted. "But maybe it will be easier on him if we transport him while he is still out."

"I got the stretcher all ready," B.A. announced. "Be careful, fool, ya hear?"

"Aw, you do care about me, big guy!"

B.A. curled his upper lip and growled, "I care 'bout you bringin' my van back in one piece." But Hannibal and Murdock weren't buying it, and B.A. busied himself with packing up their gear to avoid further scrutiny.

Murdock took off first with his tied up charge moving at a fast pace. A short time later, the rest of the team followed in the same direction but moving a great deal slower. B.A. walked in front holding the stretcher with his arms behind his back, while Hannibal held the other side from the rear. When they were about three-quarters of the way to their destination Face began to groan softly. They lowered the stretcher to the ground and knelt down beside it.

Face blinked his eyes open slowly to see a very blurry Hannibal and B.A. above him. He was happy to find that the light didn't hurt as much, but he still had a raging headache and felt dizzy and sick to his stomach. "What…where…you okay?" he asked weakly.

Hannibal and B.A. rolled their eyes at each other and smiled.

"You the one on the stretcher, fool," B.A. said in a much softer tone than his usual bark.

"You really saved our hides yesterday." Hannibal wiped some stray hair away from Face's eyes. "How're you feeling, kid?"

"Okay," Face lied.

"How okay is okay?" Hannibal demanded. Getting Face to be honest about his health was still a constant struggle and probably always would be.

"Light doesn't hurt as much and your voices don't sound like a jackhammer," Face replied. "Head hurts bad…feel sick."

"You took a couple of hard hits to the head," B.A. said.

Face looked confused. "I did? Don't remember much."

"You tripped and hit your head on a tree and then the escaped convict hit you with his gun." Face still looked bewildered, so Hannibal went back and quickly explained what had happened since they left the cabin. "We are on our way to meet Murdock," he concluded. "You think you'll be okay?"

Face doubted he would be, but it was obvious that they needed to move. He didn't want to mention that his hand was throbbing. 'Maybe I landed on it wrong,' he thought. "I'll be okay…let's go."

Face was anything but okay. He wished he hadn't woken up so that he wouldn't experience the rest of the journey. He gritted his teeth and had a white-knuckled grip on the stretcher with his good hand. It seemed like an eternity until they got to Murdock and he was finally able to lie still.

"Hey, buddy, how you feeling?" Murdock immediately asked.

Face attempted to say "fine" but a strangled moan was all that came out.

Hannibal answered for him. "He's been better Murdock. What did you find out."

"We're in the clear. The cops were able to round up the rest of the gang. They were quite happy when Chuck and I brought in the last missing goon."

"Chuck!" B.A. exclaimed. "He back again?"

Murdock nodded. "But don't worry, he kept his mouth shut and let me do the talking."

"That supposed to be a good thing? I think I'd rather take my chances with Chuck," B.A. grumbled.

"Good work, Captain," Hannibal said. "And that goes for you too Chuck."

B.A. shook his head. "Aw man…don't encourage that fool."

The conversation came to a halt as Face whimpered and rolled onto his side. He had finally lost the battle with his stomach and was retching again, by now too weak to even properly roll free of the stretcher. Hannibal was at his side instantly, holding him in position as Face was sick. With a sinking feeling Hannibal realized that Face was holding his injured hand close to his body.

When Face finished he rolled him back onto the stretcher and placed a rolled up blanket under his head. He then helped him to wash his mouth as good as possible. The vomiting had sapped the rest of Face's energy and he laid there with closed eyes just concentrating on taking in one breath after the next. Tears were running out of closed lids. He had reached the end of his rope. After weeks of pain this was just too much to take. No matter how embarrassed he was he could not help the tears and whimpers as he fought to get a grip on the pain once again.

The others gave him some privacy and waited until he stopped and some of the tension left his body.

"Where does it hurt most, kid?"

"Head"

"What about your hand?"

"Hurts"

"What else?"

"Foot, stomach, everywhere."

"Just lay there and try to relax. You can keep your eyes closed. I'm going to check you over for new and old injuries."

Hannibal took Face's bad hand to examine it. It was swollen and red but not warm. 'Oh please, not another infection.' The wound at his temple had stopped bleeding and looked good. A nice bump had formed on his forehead, where he had hit the tree. His torso looked okay with only scratches and bruises, however, Face groaned loudly when Hannibal gently pressed down on his belly as this produced a new wave of nausea. The foot appeared to be a little swollen too, probably from tripping over that root. Hopefully it would go on its own.

"Need to go while we are at it, kid?"

Face's ears took on a pink color as he nodded. While Hannibal got to work it struck him how often they had had to do this or something similar and Face was still embarrassed. He also noticed the shiver that run through Face.

"Feeling cold Face?"

Another nod. Murdock was there in an instant with a blanket. As soon as Hannibal was done redressing Face he wrapped him tightly in it and when he was done BA produced another blanket from his pack and added it on top.

"Thanks," was all Face could say before drifting off again.

"What now Hannibal? Van's parked about 2.5 clicks from here and then what?"

"We could go back to the cabin but I don't want to take chances with the number of people that were around. Also Face needs to see a doctor and we kept those two out of their offices for long enough. I want us to get back to the van, head back to the cabin to collect the rest of our belongings and maybe allow Face some hours of rest, then move out towards LA. I want to call Mark and meet up with him to check on Face's hand and foot. When he gives us a clear we head for Maggie. Face needs a doctor around for some time to come."

"Sounds like an awful lot of moving for a guy with a migraine and a concussion."

"I know," Hannibal conceded with a frown, "but I don't see any other way."

Face next woke up in the van clutching at his midsection.

"Face? What's wrong, kid?" Hannibal asked. The pain was so sharp and intense that it took his breath away and left Face unable to speak. "Let me take a look, okay?" Face held his arms in front of his abdomen protectively and shook his head 'no'. One look from Hannibal and Murdock moved into position.

"Face, look at me," Murdock said gently. "Hannibal needs to make sure you're okay." He eased Face's arms away from his torso and continued talking in a soothing tone while Hannibal lifted up the shirt. He ran his hand carefully across the area pressing lightly as he went. A swollen and slightly discolored spot on the lower left caught his attention. The second his hand made contact, Face flinched. He only applied a tiny bit of pressure before Face gasped and tried to pull away.

B.A. had been watching what was happening through the rearview mirror. "What's goin' on?" he asked.

Hannibal looked up, fear in his eyes. "Change of plans, B.A. We need to get Face to a doctor now."

B.A. subconsciously pressed down on the gas a little harder. "What you want me to do, man?"

Hannibal moved his way to the front of the van and out of Face's earshot. "Get Mark on the phone and tell him that Face is having severe abdominal pain and that the area is swollen. I think he may have internal bleeding."

B.A. glanced through the mirror again and saw Murdock holding Face's hand and talking to him softly while the lieutenant moaned and writhed. "But how?"

"I'm not sure, B.A., and I don't think Face is in any state to tell us." Hannibal started toward the back of the van. "You can also tell him that Face may have reinjured his hand and foot as well."

"Right." B.A. picked up the phone and prayed that Mark would be there to answer. He exhaled with relief as he heard the familiar voice and quickly relayed the information Hannibal told him to.

"What did Mark say?" Hannibal asked when B.A. hung up.

"He told us to meet him at this clinic he volunteers at on the other side of town. It's closed for the weekend and it'll be empty."

"How long do you think it will take us to get there?"

B.A. focused on the road ahead of him and said in a determined voice, "An hour tops."

Mark was waiting outside and held open the door allowing B.A. to carry Face inside. He directed them to a small examination room and said, "Put him down on the table." Face wore a mask of utter agony and was struggling to hold it together. "I need you to tell me what happened and where it hurts. Can you do that?"

Face nodded slightly and stammered, "Hit...in head...with gun. Made me...fall...landed on...something...hard. Stomach...hurts...hurts bad. Hand...foot...too."

A pang of guilt hit the rest of the team hearing that he may have seriously injured himself while acting in their defense against the escaped prisoner.

"Okay, good. Now I need you to try and relax while I examine you. I'll try not to hurt you." Mark tried, but he wasn't successful.

By the time Mark had finished examining him by feeling his way around his abdomen Face was withering in pain, eyes shut tight and a grip on Hannibal's hand that was sure to leave bruising.

"Blunt abdominal trauma, that's for sure. There's a large bruise causing the pain, what you can see is just the very tip of it. I guess the spleen is involved too but I need more information. His vitals are okay, blood pressure a bit low but that's to be expected. However, with the pressure he has left I would be surprised if we are dealing with a heavy bleeding. Also the time that has passed since the incident speaks against a heavy bleeding, that's good news at least. I'll use the ultrasound machine to try and find out where exactly the bleeding is and how much blood has collected. Then we can decide how to treat him."

Mark got busy with the machine preparing it for use. Face was slowly getting the pain under control and registering what was happening around him.

"Okay, Hannibal, you hold onto his hand and try to keep him calm. Face, I'm going to roll you on your right side to remove any pressure from your injured left side." Face grunted in pain as he was moved into position. "Now I'll apply the gel I need for the ultrasound. It's a bit cold. I'll move the device over your abdomen and lower ribs, I'll try not to press down too much."

To Face it felt as if Mark was using a knife instead of the ultrasound device. The procedure took quite a while as Mark tried to get a good view without pressing down too much. Finally he was done and looked at his patient.

"The good news is that the amount of blood does not seem to get significantly bigger. Either the bleeding has stopped or is about to do so. The bad news is there's so much blood in your stomach that I can't get a proper view. I'm going to remove it with a large syringe. It will hurt you as I insert it but in turn it removes the pressure and therefore part of the pain you feel now."

Mark got his instruments ready and unfortunately the syringe came into Face's line of vision. The thing looked really, really big and Face's fear of needles was back full force. He tried to get off the table but was caught by his friends. They had no problem to immobilize the weak man but his pleading and whimpering tore at their hearts.

"Shh, it's okay kid. This needs to be done and you'll feel better afterwards. You went through far worse in the last weeks." Hannibal hoped he was right.

Mark took the ultrasound device. "I'm going to need help. One of you has to hold the device in place so I can see what I'm doing and not injure any organ." Hannibal used his free hand to do so. "A bit lower, I want to go in through the right side, close to the middle. I'll have to feel and examine the left side later on and don't want to irritate the injection site anytime I do so."

Mark located a good spot and got started. Face could not hold back the grunts and whimpers of pain as the needle slid inside him. Mark removed a large quantity of blood and it took several ampoules and a lot of movement with the needle until he was satisfied. He removed the needle and dressed the wound as fast as possible before he took over the ultrasound device and moved it back to Face's left side. This time he did press down and BA and Murdock had a hard time keeping Face on the table. Hannibal talked and soothed as involuntary tears run down from Face's eyes, wetting his hair and the table. Face was panting heavily by the time Mark finished.

"There's still some bleeding but it's not much. Your spleen was compressed and has a tiny rupture. The area around it and the muscles in front are all bruised but should heal fine. I'm sorry but you'll have to endure the ultrasound again in about 30 minutes. I have to make sure you don't start bleeding more. If it doesn't increase I don't need to do anything further other than to watch you. I don't think you are going anywhere, otherwise I would have told you to stay put for the time being. Now let's see to your other injuries. Head first. How does it feel?"

Face wanted to answer but was not able to bring out words. Hannibal answered for him.

"He's been in severe pain. He had a migraine when we started, then tripped and hit his head on a tree, then was hit with a gun. The injury at the temple bled for a while but not too much, he was dizzy, didn't know what had happened, was out cold for almost 12 hours and was violently sick for several times."

Mark tested reflexes and checked the wound on the temple. "He's definitely concussed. The migraine might have lessened but only Face can tell us. Time will heal it. Let me see the hand next."

After a careful examination with lots of prodding and pressing he announced "Probably took a bump in the fall but the bones are all intact."

Next was the foot that turned up with some new bruises from tripping over the root but nothing severe as well.

"We have this place to ourselves for the rest of today and tomorrow. I want to keep him here to keep a close tab on the internal bleeding, after tomorrow we'll have to see how to go on. If you have a pillow and some warm blankets in the van you can make him more comfortable on the table. I'll start an IV in the mean time. Two of you have to stay by his sides at all times to prevent him falling down in a dream. We'll wake him every two hours, other than that let him rest."

Mark didn't bother speaking to Face who was still awake but too far gone to hear anything around him.

When he came back later in the hour to perform another ultrasound, Face looked deathly pale and was extremely weak but was lucid enough to respond when spoken to. Despite being covered in a pile of blankets, he was trembling excessively.

"How's the stomach feel?" Mark asked while moving the machine into place.

"Felt better…starting to…hurt more…again."

Mark could see that the area still looked distended and feared that more blood had pooled. "I'm going to keep you on your back this time. It will allow me to look at a slightly different angle than last time. Unfortunately, it will probably be a bit more uncomfortable." Hearing that, Hannibal and Murdock each stood by one of Face's shoulders and B.A. rested his hands on his lower legs lightly.

Face flinched as the cold gel made contact with hot skin. He felt his friends holding his limbs and was grateful that they were there because he knew he wouldn't be able to stay still of his own accord.

"Okay, here we go," Mark said placing the device onto his abdomen. Mark began to press down on the tender section and Face let out a small cry. "Hang in there, Face. It will be over soon." That was of little consolation to Face whose pale complexion had now turned bright red from the strain of holding in his screams.

Mark looked up at the team and shook his head with a sigh. "Face is bleeding again. It's still a slow flow and we can hope that it will stop itself, but I want to go back in and drain the blood one more time."

They kept their hold on Face as Mark reinserted the sharp tool into his belly and repeated the same process as before. Hannibal could see that Face was trying to be strong as the needle was jostled around inside of him and that it was probably causing him more pain. "You can scream, kid. Let it out if you need to." But Face didn't have time to scream as he passed out seconds later.

"Give it to us straight, doc," Murdock said in his most serious of voices. "What happens if the bleeding doesn't stop?"

"Surgery." It was a one word reply that had a large impact, but Mark didn't want to go into detail unless he had to.

"Will you have to remove his spleen?" Hannibal asked.

'Looks like I won't have to,' Mark thought. "It's a small tear that could probably be repaired through a laparoscopic procedure."

"Laparo…what?" B.A. asked.

Mark smiled. "Sorry, more doctor speak. I make several small incisions in the abdomen and with the help of a small camera I go in and suture the area."

Hannibal had an unlit cigar between his lips at this point. "Can you do it here?"

Mark nodded. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves, but I do have all the tools." 'With the exception of general anesthetic,' he said in his head, but not out loud.

Face was feeling much better upon waking up. His headache had lessened to a dull ache as did the pain in his stomach. The guys were still right by his side and he smiled weakly. "Sorry."

"Oh, here we go again," B.A. groaned. "What for this time?"

"Shoulda been quicker."

"If it wasn't for you, we could be sitting in jail or worse," Hannibal said. "I'd say your speed was just fine."

Murdock added. "It was that rock you landed on that should have hurried and moved out of your way." Face started to laugh, but his stomach protested so he settled for a big grin.


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41:

Face dozed on and off for the remainder of the afternoon and into the evening. After eating dinner that Mark was gracious enough to bring them, they sat around joking and telling him all sorts of stories. Face could feel himself growing tired, but thought nothing of it. But gradually a burning sensation in his stomach started to build and his vision became blurry. He shut his eyes hoping that it would pass, but it only seemed to worsen.

Hannibal saw Face shut his eyes and noticed that his body looked tense. "You okay, Face?"

"Don't…feel…good," he whispered.

"Mark, Mark…get in here." Hannibal didn't even waste the time to go to the adjourning room but instead yelled for the doctor who promptly came running. One look at Face and he got the ultrasound ready while instructing Hannibal to peel the covers from Face's body and take his blood pressure and BA and Murdock to move in place to hold him.

"Damn, your belly is full of blood again." Mark didn't even speak as he got his tools ready to drain the blood out.

Face did struggle as he saw the syringe but his attempts to get away from it were much weaker than before which had Hannibal more worried than he already was.

When Mark had removed as much of the blood as he could he went back to the ultrasound device. This time he had Face on his side again and firmly pressed the device right between the rib cage and the visible bruise. Face cried out in pain but was firmly held in place. Mark was very concentrated and moving and pushing the device to all corners. It took a few more minutes but finally Face passed out from the pain.

"Just what I feared. The bleeding is not going to stop on its own. It has increased, we need to hurry. It's not an emergency right now but can turn into one every minute…"

"But how is that possible?"

"If you would just let me finish, Murdock. The spleen is an organ that is embedded in a so called capsule, like an outer skin. What we saw first was a small rupture in this capsule from where blood was leaking into the belly. There is another rupture inside the organ that is bleeding more heavily and filling the capsule. That puts an immense pressure on the capsule causing the little rupture to increase. In the worst case the capsule bursts open. He needs surgery within the next few hours; that is if the capsule doesn't burst. I'll connect him to a device to constantly monitor his blood pressure and heart rate. He is low on blood as it is but still within the limit. The IV helps some. I can't do it alone though, I need an assistant, an experienced one if I want a chance at rescuing his spleen."

Mark removed his glasses and rubbed a hand over his face.

"You'll stitch him up through the incisions then?" Hannibal wanted to know what was in stock for Face.

"It's not that easy, I first have to open the capsule to stitch the inner rupture and stop the blood flow and then stitch the capsule itself. I can ask Maggie but I doubt she has a lot of experience with it. The other option would be Matthews, he has more experience with it than me."

"Try Maggie, I don't trust Matthews. But if she can't do it we'll take our chances with him."

They called Maggie and explained the whole mess to her.

"Can't I leave you guys alone for a day without you getting in trouble? I'm not a surgeon. I can assist but I don't have experience in that field. The only time I did abdominal surgery was in Nam."

"When can you be here?"

"If I speed it up I can make it in about two to two and a half hours. I'm on my way."

Mark called Matthews too but could only leave a message on his box.

"What's the worst case Mark?" worry was evident in Hannibal's voice and body language.

"He'll lose his spleen."

"But the spleen isn't that important, is it?"

"It's underestimated. I would really like to save it, especially with Face. It's an important organ for the immune system. With it missing, people are advised to take more vaccinations, especially flu and meningitis. Also people are advised to take a shot of antibiotics anytime before seeing a dentist for precaution. You know how good Face mixes with antibiotics and the more he uses them the less they'll work. And in your line of work, you probably see the dentist more often."

"Can you give him anything for the pain?"

"I really dread doing this when he's awake and I don't see how we can immobilize him enough but no, we can't risk another reaction to drugs. He's far too weak now to suffer through another of those episodes. If it wasn't for the concussion I would have BA send him to the land of dreams. I can only hope that he'll pass out as soon as possible. My plan is to make the first incision and then insert the syringe to draw the blood that has collected at that point. I plan to cause maximum pain with that to make him pass out before the real procedure begins."

Face came to while they were waiting. His blood pressure was falling but only at a slow and steady rate.

"How are you feeling kid?"

"I'm so co….cold."

Face was pale like a ghost; he was sweaty but cold to the touch despite all the blankets. But he was lucid enough to understand what Mark and Hannibal told him about the upcoming procedure.

"No, Hannibal, please don't let him. Please. I can't go through more pain. Please, he can't cut my belly while I'm awake, don't let him."

Hannibal wanted nothing more than to say that he wouldn't let anybody hurt him, but it wouldn't be true. "I'll be with you the whole time, kid. Mark is just trying to save your life."

"Let…let…me…die," Face pleaded through tear filled eyes. "No more…can't take it."

"Can't do that, Face," Hannibal said through tears of his own as Murdock and B.A. stood by him for support. "We need you, son."

"If you die, Facey, it'll kill the rest of us too."

"We a team man…you go, we go."

First Hannibal, then Murdock and even B.A. were telling him they needed him and couldn't live without him. It gave him the extra strength to keep fighting…if not for himself, then for his family. Deep down, he didn't really mean what he said. "Don't want…to…die," he admitted. "It's just…the pain…talking."

Pain and fear had taken control of his mind once too many times recently. It was time he took that control back.

Just shy of three hours later they transferred Face to a sterile procedure room and began prepping him for the surgery. Luckily his condition had remained stable during the wait for Maggie and he was no worse that he had been before…he was also no better.

Maggie washed down his lower abdominal region with a betadine solution and laid out the various instruments Mark would be using. It had been decided earlier that since it was a delicate procedure that required precision it would be safest if Face was strapped down to the table. Even though Face agreed to it, his anxiety level rose as he felt the straps being pulled tightly across his extremities.

Due to the restraints, there would be no need for anybody to hold Face down. As a result, Murdock and B.A. were asked to stay out in the waiting room. It was a small room and Mark and Maggie needed the freedom to move around the table and grab whatever materials that might be needed. Hannibal was seated in a chair next to Face and was already holding onto his hand even though it was pinned by his side.

Mark reached for a small scalpel. "I'm going to make the first cut. Ready…here we go."

Face hissed as the blade sliced through his skin, but it was over very quickly.

Hannibal saw Maggie hand Mark the syringe and he locked eyes with Face. "Look at me, kid. Just stay with me…and breathe." Mark inserted the needle and Face instantly started to struggle against the agony…except there was nowhere for him to go. He felt the straps cutting deeply into his arms and legs and the excruciating sensation from within his belly. "You're doing great, Face," Hannibal encouraged, praying that his friend would soon pass out.

Mark, too, had been hoping that his patient would lose consciousness so as not to have to endure what was to come. As he withdrew the syringe, he was amazed and horrified to see two blue, pain-filled eyes still open. 'Damnit,' he thought. 'This is inhumane.'

Maggie was wiping up some blood from the incision site and trying to block out the fact that the man lying on the table was in fact awake and feeling every bit of what was being done to him. Once the area was clean, she handed Mark the scalpel once more, never allowing her eyes to wander away from the surgical region.

Mark wordlessly made two more cuts; one through which he inserted the laparoscope and into the other he placed a tube that delivered carbon dioxide into the abdomen to inflate the cavity and give him more room to work. He made one final and slightly larger incision through which he would do the actual repair of the spleen.

Face grunted with each cut into his skin and was breathing heavy, but he kept his eyes fixed on Hannibal and never wavered. He was in tremendous pain, but was able to hold back his screams until Mark began inserting the tools into the open wounds. He screamed then started bucking against the straps until the point that blood began to slowly seep from beneath them.

Hannibal's heart was breaking. Face was staring at him with wild eyes that begged him for mercy and there wasn't a thing he could do to help him, but let him squeeze his hand and be there for him. Face began to mutter all sorts of odd things as the pain was taking him everywhere it seemed but to unconsciousness where he most needed to be.

"Forgive me…forgive me."; "Sorry…so sorry."; "Didn't mean to.";"Can't tell Hannibal.";

"No…anything but that…please."

Hannibal listened to the words and tried not to put any stock in them…they were the ramblings of a very ill man. Yet, there was something that felt so real about them. Was Face recalling something else from the past?

Face grew weaker and his screams subsided to moans and groans, but he stayed awake for the entire surgery. Maggie got to work stitching closed the incision sites while Mark moved up toward the other end of the table to talk with Hannibal and Face.

"Everything went perfectly," he said. "I think your spleen should heal nicely and that we should have no further troubles with the bleeding."

Face didn't even hear him. He was lost in agony as he felt every stitch Maggie made.

"As soon as Maggie is done we'll remove the restraints." 'And treat the open wounds they created' Mark thought before he quickly left the room. He needed air. He had become a doctor to help people and remove pain, not inflict it in such a cruel way. Now that the concentration from the surgery was over his stomach battled with his supper. He was sure to hear Face's screams in his dreams for the rest of his life; especially those hoarse ones towards the end when his throat was sore from screaming. Good thing that the clinic was in an industrial area and nobody was around. In between he was sure the police would burst in any moment.

As soon as Maggie was done stitching she removed the strap from the injured leg fearing he might have worsened his condition and started to clean and dress the wounds left by the numerous straps holding his lower legs and thighs.

As the adrenalin from the pain and terror slowly left Face's body it was replaced with nausea.

"Han…ugh."

"Damn, Maggie undo the straps, he's vomiting and I can't turn him to his side. "

Maggie produced a little bowl. "Here, just turn his head, better he stays on his back for a while."

When Face was done they cleaned him and helped him wash his mouth before Maggie went back to her task, undoing the straps one by one and cleaning and dressing the wounds. She gasped when she undid the strap that was holding his waist down. They had tightened it as much as possible for him not to move out of place but he had still found space to move some millimeters and had abrasions and bruises all over.

"There all done. Try to sleep a bit." She couldn't believe he was still conscious but at least she could now see him drifting.

Hannibal didn't know what to do but hold Face's good hand and stroke through his hair. He was fighting his own tears. Slowly Face drifted into a fitful sleep.

In the waiting room Murdock was a nervous wreck. He had been pacing the small area ever since they were send out and the moment Face's screams could be heard he had put his palms over his ears and broken out in tears, looking so lost.

"Ain't right, just ain't right" BA had muttered. Then he had gotten up from his seat to offer some comfort to the pilot. Together they had stood by the open door of the waiting room willing the door of the operation theater on the other side of the hall to open. When it finally did it revealed a green looking Mark who stormed passed them without even acknowledging their presence. They had to wait a lot longer before Maggie finally emerged.

"He'll be okay. He's sleeping now. It's way past midnight, you two should sleep too."

"Can we…can we go see him?"

"He's sleeping Murdock."

"Just a quick look, please. I need to know he's okay."

Maggie really didn't think it would be a good idea for Murdock to see Face so pale and covered in bandages. She had wanted to inform the other two team members before covering Face and removing the bloody straps that still hung from the table.

"Ehm… give me ten minutes. I don't want to disturb him now that he just fell asleep. Let him fall into a more deep sleep."

That was bull and she silently pleaded with BA to not say anything. She met his eyes and he seemed to understand, guiding Murdock back into the waiting room.

"You heard her fool. Faceman's gonna be alright. Let's wait a bit."

Maggie hurried inside to prepare Face and the room for his 'visitors'.

When Face finally woke up it was mid morning and to everybody's relief he was feeling much better. His voice was still hoarse from screaming and he was dizzy and nauseous but at least the pain had lessened considerably.

The doctors had put their foot down and restricted the guys to one visitor without a constant coming and going. Naturally it was Hannibal who sat with Face.

"Face, you were talking during surgery. Do you remember?"

He did but had no desire to introduce Hannibal to that part of his past. He cursed inwardly for speaking out loud what he had kept hidden for so long. Now he was looking for a way out.

"What did I say?"

Hannibal saw that Face was staling but decided to play along. "You said forgive me, so sorry, didn't mean to, can't tell Hannibal…anything but that…please. Something like that."

"Ehm.. oh yeah, that. It was triggered by me being tied down. When I was a kid some of the foster parents did that when I got too wild. Not that I blame them, I was really a handful." Face delivered the story with a huge false grin.

Hannibal returned the smile "Now I don't doubt that's true, but it's not what you were talking about. You didn't know me back then." Inwardly he was livid that such a thing was done to Face but he knew if he fell for the topic now he would never find out what it really was about.

"I…I …didn't want you to be mad at them." Then it came to his mind that Hannibal didn't even know them."Ehm…the nuns I mean. For…for not removing me from the place." Damn, his mind was working way too slow at the moment.

"Sure kid. You can't con me when you're 100 %, let alone now. Try again, how about the truth?"

"I didn't want you to be mad at them," Face said again.

This time the words rang true in Hannibal's ears, but who was the "them" Face was referring to. "Who, Face? Mad at who?"

Face ignored the question, his own mind going back to that day. "They kept pleading with me not to tell you what they had done. I know I …I should have…but they were…so scared."

It slowly dawned on Hannibal that Face had been repeating the words of somebody else and not his own. He could see that Face was starting to get agitated, and was about to tell him that the conversation could wait. The last thing he needed was a repeat of the last time he pressed too hard and Face broke his hand as a result. But Face started talking again before he had the chance.


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42:

"They had too…too much to drink. They were just…blowing off…some…steam." Face was almost gasping out the words. "I…f…found them…so drunk that…they could barely…stand up. I knew…you…planned to…to take us out on…maneuvers. You…would have…been…so mad."

Hannibal had a feeling he knew where this was going and he didn't like it. "Stop…stop it, Face."

"No…No…need…to tell…you." Face broke out into a sweat fearing his colonel's reaction to what he would say next. "Begged me…not to…not to…tell you. I downed a …sh…shot of…whiskey…so it would…be…be on my…breath. Was…wasn't drunk…but…but made…you think…so. You…so…so…mad at me."

"Oh, kid…no," Hannibal pleaded. Hannibal remembered it as if it were yesterday. He cancelled the training session for the rest of the platoon and instead he, Murdock and B.A. put Face through hell that day as punishment. The kid could barely walk when they were done with him. By the time they dragged his beaten hide back to base, they found nothing but destruction and death.

Face felt dizzy and sick and as if he was going to pass out, but he needed to finish first. "If…if…if…I hadn't…lied…they would…wouldn't have…wouldn't have…." Face couldn't bring himself to say it.

"Wouldn't have been there," Hannibal completed for him in a stone cold voice as Face nodded miserably. "They would have been with us."

"My…my fault."

Hannibal knew it wasn't really; Face couldn't have known they would be under attack. But his head was having a hard time communicating with his heart. The truth was that if Face hadn't covered for them, they might not have perished on that day.

Face could see the hurt in Hannibal's eyes. He had lied to him and as a result men had died. His heart was beating rapidly and he was having trouble catching his breath. With each heaving attempt to get air in he could feel the strain on his abused abdomen. It was too much all at once for him to handle and his body decided it had enough.

Hannibal saw Face's eyes roll back in his head.

"Ah kid, now you pass out. Should have done so last night and not now, thinking I'm mad at you."

Hannibal sat at Face's bedside thinking about what he had just been told and had to admit he was a little mad. So many good men died that day and it could have been prevented. Face was second in command; he was the XO, why had he let them get drunk in the first place.

BA and Murdock came to check on Face after making sure Maggie and Mark had dropped off to sleep and would not catch them. They found a sleeping Face and a thoughtful Hannibal. Hannibal told them what Face had just confessed.

"I remember that afternoon. Thomson had got a letter that his wife had delivered a baby girl. They wanted to celebrate but I had to fly so didn't join them." Murdock was unsure what to think of it. Face had not been with them for as long as most of the others when it happened. He also didn't get close to people and therefore didn't have many friends among the platoon. A lot of Murdock's old friends died that day. Very few of the platoon survived and most that did were wounded so bad they were sent back stateside. And Face kept that information from them for so long.

"Yeah man, I went to the mess with them, toasted to the baby girl with some fresh milk Face had managed to procure, but left after a few minutes."

"I just can't believe Face allowed them to get so drunk that they couldn't do their job. It cost them their lives."

"Don't go there, Hannibal. Face didn't mean to and it was ages ago." Murdock feared another fall out between Face and Hannibal and wanted to do some damage control.

Face woke up at just that moment. He came to moaning and shifting in pain and finally opened his eyes. He found three sets of eyes looking down at him. Two unsure and one ice cold. No affectionate 'How are you doing, kid' this time. Face remembered the earlier conversation with a start.

"Hannibal…please. Don't be mad….I didn't mean to."

"Whether you meant to or not you screwed up royally and men died… good men…loyal men."

'And you little creep survived,' Face mentally added.

"Face, why didn't you tell us earlier on? I know you didn't mean to and it wasn't your fault but a lot of our friends died there, muchacho."

"I…I…I was afraid…afraid to tell."

"And why would you be afraid?" Murdock tried to diffuse the tension that Hannibal was radiating.

"You…you would have…blamed me. Hannibal would have…I do." Face's voice was a mere whisper at the end.

"Kid, I don't blame you, you couldn't have known the base would be hit." Murdock breathed a sigh of relieve, however he was too early as Hannibal went on. "I do blame you for allowing them to get drunk though. What were you thinking? It was your responsibility to keep an eye at the men and make sure they are sober enough to do their job. You were my XO."

'You were my XO' Face noted. Not 'you are my XO'. He really didn't know what Hannibal wanted him to say. His head still hurt and his thinking was slow. His world was still tilted from the concussion. Also his belly ached terribly, way more than before he passed out. His foot and hand were throbbing in the rhythm of his heartbeat.

Hannibal took the silence as defiance and continued. "You are responsible for the death of these men, Lieutenant. If you had done your job well and prevented them from getting too drunk they wouldn't have died that day. It was your job to be with the men when I had to go to the offices and do the paper work. You didn't throw the grenades but you are as responsible as the VC. You screwed up." Hannibal's voice was rising.

Face was in pain and really not in the mood for a lecture from a man who was as guilty as himself.

"Don't you think I know that? Don't you think I know every …every damn day…that it was my doing…that I could have prevented it? But know what? You are as much responsible as I am."

"How you dare. I always look out for my men." Hannibal was on his feet by now pointing at Face; voice risen to almost shouting.

The noise made Face wince but he needed to say what was on his mind. "I should have been with them but the truth is I wasn't. I never allowed them to get drunk, I found them drunk and I already told you so…."

"So where were you? Off with a nurse?"

Face glowered daggers at Hannibal and in a hushed and dangerous voice said "I'm not a whore. I do other things than getting laid too. That night I was out scamming things for you if you would kindly remember. You had remembered last minute that the general, I don't even recall his name, had his birthday and you sent me to get him some fine ham, a special wine and cigars. It's not like there was a supermarket around the corner."

This time it was Hannibal's turn to be quiet. Had he done Face wrong again?

"I gave you the things right after I returned to base, at 11:30 at night and only because I saw light in your quarters. You even had the nerve to complain why I had been off base for that long and gave me a lecture how dangerous it was to be out at night. You know what? I knew how dangerous it was, but staying in the town alone with only a day pass that would end at midnight wasn't much better either. I returned because one, I didn't want to end up in the stockade and two, I knew your training session was coming on in the morning and you would think I intentionally delayed things. It wasn't like I could do anything right in your eyes, still can't. You never stopped to think how I managed to get drunk after 11:30 when the mess was already closed…or why none of the other men turned up in the morning. It was so easy to lead you away from the real drunks and take it all on me."

"God, kid. I'm so sorry. God, I…I did you so wrong. But why? Why did you take it all on you?"

Face shrugged and immediately winced as the pain in his stomach flared up again. "Figured you would be mad at me anyway and it was easier to work together in the future if you were just mad at me than at the whole platoon."

"But…but why should I have been mad at you? It wasn't your fault they got drunk."

"No? Just now it was. Sorry but you don't always think very logically when you're seeing red."

"And none of the survivors ever stood up to take the blame from you." Murdock didn't want the two of them to get at each other anymore than it already was and tried to diffuse the situation.

"Guess they had other things on their mind…we all did."

"Faceman, why did you cover for them? You barely mixed with them, you were not close friends. Even if you thought Hannibal woulda been mad at you too, why not make them go down with you?"

"Thomson…he got that letter….. and then….they calculated…..and he was home….seven months….not nine….had a reason." Face's discomfort was growing.

"And….and you know….what,…..was…ouwww….was….a…..pre….premature,…..was….his." There was another reason for him keeping the truth from the team all these years…but he wasn't willing to go there.

"Kid, do you need me to call Maggie and Mark?"

Face was gripping the sheets with his good hand as another wave of pain hit and Hannibal didn't need an answer. Murdock fled the room to reappear moments later with two doctors at his heels.

"Face, can you tell me where it hurts?"

"Belly….real…bad."

Mark pressed on Face's stomach lightly and Face almost jumped of the table.

"I hope it's just the carbon dioxide. It can get very painful when it's looking for a way out. Might also be that one of the other organs is irritated from all the prodding I did during surgery. I need to do another ultrasound, Face. While you are all here, against our advice, you might as well get busy and hold him down."

Maggie could see that something had gone on between the men and was dying to get her hands on a certain colonel.

While Mark got everything ready he mused aloud, "The bladder and bowels are always candidates for irritation. Has he urinated since the surgery?"

"No," Hannibal answered quickly.

"That may just be our problem, but I better take a look anyway." Mark ignored Face's moans as he dragged the instrument across his tender stomach. After a few moments he removed the ultrasound wand and said, "There are some signs of irritation, but the source of pain is most likely a full bladder."

Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. let go of their hold on Face and he immediately curled himself into a ball. "No!" Maggie exclaimed, but it was too late. "Help me get him on his back."

"Damn," Mark muttered, taking note of the blood seeping onto his abdomen. "He tore some of the stitches. Maggie…"

"I'm on it. Don't let go of him this time," she admonished firmly, still upset that they let it get to this point.

While Maggie began to resuture the wounds, Mark explained what was happening. "We need to remove the urine from your bladder, Face, before it backs up into the kidneys. I'm going to get a bedpan and see if you can go on your own. If not we will have to try something else."

Face was too busy trying to deal with the pain of being stitched up again to really focus on what was being said. But when Maggie had finished, he saw the pan and realized what was being asked of him. Through the humiliation, he gave it his best shot, but was unable to produce even a drop. "Can't..can't go," he panted, the pain worsening by the minute.

"Why can't he go?" Murdock asked.

Mark started fiddling around in his bag. "It's called neurogenic bladder."

B.A. rolled his eyes. "Here we go again with them big words."

Mark smiled slightly at the larger man and continued. "For some people abdominal surgery causes interference between the nerve impulses from bladder to brain. The bladder does not receive the signal to empty and thus keeps filling up." He held a thin, tube-like device in his hand and explained what he was going to do.

"You gonna put what?…where?" B.A. shuddered.

"You're going to have to hold him quite still while I insert the catheter or it will be more painful than it has to be."

The scream echoed in the room for what felt like ages. Face didn't know where he was anymore, only that somebody was hurting him and in a place that he had been hurt before. "Hannibal…sorry…Lynch no…gotta get supplies to Hannibal…general's birthday…please…NO! NO! NO!"

Hannibal's blood ran cold. "Oh, God, not that night too."

Face's eyes locked on Hannibal's in a brief moment of clarity. "I told…told you…I…couldn't do…anything…right." The moment was gone as quickly as it came and Face was lost once more to the excruciating pain.


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43:

It took Mark a while and some maneuvering back and forth to get the catheter in the right position. It looked so easy when the nurses did it but he had not done it in years. Finally the urine started to flow and the immense pressure in Face's belly started to let up. So did the pain which made him feel the burning sensation all the way from his penis to his bladder even more; not to speak of the pressure the catheter left in his penis and the humiliation from having five people watching everything.

"That's better now, is it?"

Face was not so sure what Mark wanted to hear. The pain had lessened but he didn't feel better, only different.

"Sorry, normally lidocaine is inserted into the urine tract through the penis before the procedure but that's not a possibility with you. It's gonna burn for a while but you'll get used to."

"Mark, you don't really want to leave it inside? The risk of infection is higher the longer it stays and with his track record we can't increase the risk for another infection. It's high enough as it is. We can't put him on more antibiotics just jet."

"Ah, hadn't thought that far, you're right Maggie."

When the flow stopped Mark gently tugged at the catheter and slid it out. Face moaned in displeasure but was relieved that the pressure was gone.

"Will he be able to go on his own next time?" Hannibal was concerned that Face had to go through even more pain.

"The symptoms are supposed to vanish within two weeks post surgery…."

"Two weeks? You want to put this…thing inside me for two weeks? Noooo," Face was close to tears. This could not be happening.

"Sorry Face, but you won't be able to go on your own until the symptoms vanish and the urine needs to come out. Either Maggie or I will feel your stomach every few hours to see how full your bladder is and drain it when necessary. You tell us when you feel the need to go or any pressure in your belly."

"Every few hours? Just leave it be…when it's too full it will come out, won't it?"

"Sorry, no. The bladder will extend bigger and bigger and can even rupture."

"Then I won't drink again."

"Face, don't pout. I know it's hard on you but you'll even drink more. I'll have you drink at least two litters a day to prevent infection. Trust me, you don't want to experience the catheter being pushed through an infected urinal tract."

Face was frustrated. The team was mad at him and now this. Hannibal was already keeping his distance, had removed his hand as soon as Face had revealed that Lynch had taken him that night. He could understand that he was disgusted and Hannibal didn't even know what Lynch and his men had done to him that night and why getting a tube pushed up his penis had triggered that horrible memory. How was he going to go through this without their support? Anyway, he had gone through the pain then, he could do it again.

"I can see that Maggie is dying to speak to the team minus the lieutenant and I want to have a private conversation with our patient here. Why don't you four go out of the room and talk while we attend to our business here?"

In fact, Maggie was about to burst. How dare they ignore her and crowd the room, obviously causing Face distress by whatever was discussed. They were in for a good long lecture about bedside manners and following doctor's instructions.

When the door closed Mark turned to Face. "I'm concerned about the way you screamed when I inserted the tube. It is painful without any anesthetic and you are in a generally weak condition but it shouldn't have been that painful. Also it was difficult to shove it inside and I didn't use a large tube. Have you ever had an injury to your urinal tract? Could it be that scar tissue is making the passage more tight than it should be?"

Face really didn't want to tell a stranger what Lynch had done to him. Also no doctor had ever looked at it and it hadn't caused any problems so far. Why should it start now? It had hurt like hell when he peed for some weeks and had bled a little but that was a long time ago. This wasn't also the first time he had been catheterized but the other times were in hospitals and for surgeries and he had been sedated. Always hurt when they took it out but he thought that was normal. He looked away and shook his head 'no'.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Yes I'm sure."

"When was your last prostate exam?"

"What?"

"If nothing is causing the tightness inside your urinal tract something must press it together from outside. I guess your prostate is enlarged and causing the trouble. That can happen after surgery."

Face was just starring at Mark with horror written all over his face. "You mean…you want to…"

"Yes, I want to examine your prostate. I figured you would prefer I do it than Maggie. If that turns out to not be the problem then I would like to check your urinal tract with a little camera to find out why it is so tight. This needs to be looked at Face, it could be something serious and here we have all the tools necessary. It's noon already and we have only the rest of today and the night to use this facility before other people start coming. I hate to spring all this on you but we are in a hurry here."

Face's expression was unreadable but inside he was torn. He really didn't want to have to explain anything Mark found in his urinal tract. He hadn't even thought of it for so long, nothing should be visible after all this time, or should it?

Mark sensed he wouldn't get an answer from Face. "Come on then, turn to your side and draw your knees up. Be careful of your belly, try to find a comfortable spot. You want me to call any of the guys inside to be with you?"

"Han…no, no I'll be fine." He really wanted Hannibal to be there but he was mad at him and disgusted enough as it was. There was no need for him to watch this as well. Face tried to fight the fear and total humiliation he was feeling as he got into position. Mark put on his gloves and got ready while explaining what he was going to do but Face didn't hear him. He didn't also hear Maggie's loud voice outside in the hall. He was just repeating the mantra 'this is just Mark, it's not Lynch…or the VC…or uncle'

Face really tried but as soon as Mark pushed inside him the memories all flooded in and he screamed and bucked and kicked. It was all Mark could do to prevent him from falling off the table by pinning him to it using his weight. That, however, made Face fight only more. Tears were streaming down Face's cheeks as he continued to struggle against Mark, thinking he was fighting off another brutal attack.

It didn't take long for Mark to gain control of the situation…at least physically. Face only had a modicum of his usual strength left and was fading fast. "Face, calm down. It's okay. It's Mark." Face was looking at him, but he wasn't quite sure at who the anguished man was seeing. "Face…you're okay. It's all over. Can you hear me? It's Mark."

Face's body went flaccid when he heard Mark's voice and realized where he was. "S…s…sorry." He took a few shaky breaths trying to slow down his racing heart. He felt humiliated at what had just occurred. It brought back all the feelings of fear and shame; it was as if he had just been raped all over again. He wasn't angry with the doctor as he was only doing what he thought best, but he needed to be alone. "P…Please. Go. Go…away," he begged.

In the short amount of time he was able to actually examine Face from the inside Mark was able to determine that his prostrate was not enlarged. That coupled with his patient's extreme reaction to the routine procedure meant that something else was going on. Something that he wasn't quite sure he wanted to know. Normally he would have insisted that somebody stay in the room with Face, but hearing the man's broken voice was enough to make him oblige his wishes. "Please lay still…you just had surgery and need to heal. I'll be outside if you need me."

Maggie was mid-sentence when they heard Face scream. "What in the world did you do or say to Face to make him…"

"AHHHH!"

They went running in the direction of the piercing cry. Maggie reached out and stopped Hannibal from opening the door. "John, wait. It's quiet inside now…give Mark a minute. We don't know what just happened and we don't want to make anything worse by barging in on them."

"But, did you hear that scream? We have to help him." Murdock was practically bouncing off the walls with the need to get inside and check on his friend. So much so that B.A. had to put his hands on the pilot's shoulders to keep him still.

"Maggie's right," B.A. agreed. "We don't know what happenin' in there. Sides we didn't 'xactly help Faceman before."

Hannibal was about to open the door anyway when Mark pushed it from the other side. He looked tired and disheveled, the opposite of his usual neat appearance.

"What in the hell happened in there?" Hannibal demanded a bit too rough for the doctor's liking.

"You want to ask me that question again?" he retorted sharply.

Hannibal took a deep breath realizing that he had been out of line. "I'm sorry. It's just that we heard Face scream and…"

Mark held up a hand to stop Hannibal. "No need…I understand. I'm sorry, too. Things got a little hairy in there." He then went on to explain everything that had happened as his audience listened in dismay.

Maggie shook her head and placed her hands on her hips. "So if it isn't an enlarged prostate, you think Face has a blockage in the urinary tract?"

"Quite possibly. It could be something that has been there for years."

"Wouldn't Face have noticed that by now?" Hannibal asked.

"Maybe not…it could have just been what he considered normal."

"If it ain't been broke 'til now…why fix it?" B.A. asked.

Murdock teased, "B.A….ever the mechanic."

"Because, he may have just been lucky to this point," Mark explained. "And as he gets older, or experiences illness or injury like he has over the past few months, his risks of damage increase."

Hannibal was becoming concerned. "What kind of damage?"

"If Face isn't able to empty his bladder properly, bacteria can build and back-up leading to all sort of infection." Mark paused unsure of how the group would respond to what he had to say next. "I want to insert a tiny camera inside his urinal tract to see what is going on in there."

"You wanna put what? Where?" B.A. asked for the second time that day.

"Exactly," Mark sighed. "It isn't going to be pleasant and I don't know how we are going to get Face to agree to it. But, I'm afraid it's of great importance and that we don't have much time left before we have to vacate the premises and we lose access to the equipment."

The group gave Face some time to be alone, but then it was time to go in and break the news about what was to come.

Hannibal went in first to see how Face was doing. He found the lieutenant still on his side, face to the wall, back to the door. He had pulled a thin sheet over himself to cover his nakedness, the other blankets had fallen to the floor during the earlier struggle and Mark had not noticed that Face could not reach them. His body was trembling and his shoulders were shaking. He was silently crying.

Hannibal advanced slowly. "Face, kid, it's me."

Face sniffled and tried to stop the trembling.

"Oh kid, I'm so sorry you had to go through this alone. You know you could always have called for one of us to be with you." Hannibal reached out to lightly touch Face's shoulder but Face jerked away.

"No, I'm disgusting, I'm dirty."

"Shh Face, you are anything but. Don't say such things."

"You know it. Lynch, the VC, uncle… and the others…they made me dirty…can't get clean again. You know it…removed your hand from mine earlier. "

'The others' just how much more did you have to suffer through, kid.' Hannibal was at a loss of words.

Face misunderstood the silence. "I'm sorry…should have died that day…not all the others."

"Kid, don't you ever say such a thing…don't even think it. You are neither disgusting nor dirty nor should you have died." This time Hannibal reached for Face's shoulders and firm but gently pulled his body closer to himself so that there was some physical contact between Face's back and Hannibal's belly.

"But…but you wished I had died instead of the others."

"Why are you saying such a thing Face?"

"You…you…they were good men, loyal …and I'm responsible."

"Kid, I'm sorry I said that but even then I never wished you had died. I grieved for the lost ones but I never whished you dead instead of them. Never. "

"But…but you all…you treated me like thin air afterwards. And…and BA…he was so mad."

"I'll be honest with you kid. I had thoughts of why did I take you to the training to punish you instead of leaving you behind and taking the others as planned. But I dismissed those thoughts as soon as they came on. You couldn't have known that the base would get hit. It was a war after all. And as much as I grieved for all the dead I would never wish to exchange one of my men for another, no matter what happened. And now that I know all that happened, you are not responsible kid. You didn't do anything wrong. Tell me Face, what would have happened if I had not cancelled the training?"

"You woulda found the whole platoon drunk."

"And I would have cancelled the training then because there was no way to do it with a horde of drunkards. And in that case we would all have been at the base that day and likely be dead by now. If anybody was responsible it was me. I sent you to get the stuff; I got you the day pass. I should have noticed that you were still away and had an eye on the platoon myself. They were all grown, responsible for themselves. If they thought they needed to get drunk knowing they had training coming on in the morning then that was there decision."

Hannibal wanted to lighten the mood to be able to prepare Face for what was to come. "It was difficult enough to drill you that day. You played the drunkard really well, including swaying on your feet in some situations. But I should have noticed you were acting because you made a mistake. You should have stopped the swaying after some time as the alcohol would have left your body."

"S…sorry. Wasn't acting…pain…Lynch."

Hannibal kicked himself. The kid had been in pain from the rape and they had pushed him well over his physical limit. "I'm sorry kid. Come here." Hannibal wanted to hug Face and provide some comfort but that was not possible, instead he pulled him even closer wrapping his arms around Face's shoulders as good as possible while Face was lying on the table. When he pulled Face back he winced and cringed.

"What is it kid?"

"Belly…still hurts."

"Speaking of belly. Mark wants so do another exam on you…."

"The…the camera. He told me….no way….I won't let him."

"Face, it's not like we have an entire clinic with all equipment to ourselves every day. This needs to be done and it needs to be done now."

"No, no, I won't let him. The catheter hurt so much, how much worse will the camera be? Besides there's nothing there for him to find."

"Face, it will get done. You can either agree willingly or I order you to take it. Your decision."

"You can't order me. We aren't in the army anymore."

"No, but you are still on this team and I need to know every medical condition in my men. I need to know if you are likely to develop a problem on a mission, endangering us all." Hannibal felt bad pulling guilt on Face but he knew he would get a reaction to this.

"But…but it has been there for so long and never caused a problem."

"You just said there's nothing to be found."

"I…I …no…please. I don't want to."

The rest of the group had been listening in front of the open door and Mark had split from them some minutes ago. Now he was coming back, pushing a monitor on a stand and carrying a small case.

"Ready or not, here I come. How are you feeling? Any new pain in the belly?"

"Hurts bad, …but not new. Please Mark, this isn't necessary."

"Sorry Face, it is." Mark was already starting to attach something to the sides of the table. Something with straps on it, Face noticed in horror.

"Okay, here we go. Hannibal, help him to maneuver flat on his back. I want you to rest your legs in these holders. It will keep them still, open and slightly elevated."

"No, no, no please, this is really not necessary. There's nothing wrong inside me. Let's just get through the two weeks and all will be fine."

Face's pleadings fell on deaf ears. He was maneuvered into position and his legs were placed into the holders. If he had felt humiliated before, it was nothing compared to this. With his legs spread and elevated he didn't have any dignity left. Nobody even bothered to cover his exposed private parts while Mark explained. He felt himself blush beet red. It was bad enough having Mark doing the procedure but now Maggie advanced on him with cotton balls, a flat bowl and something that looked like a syringe without a needle.

"While I explain everything to you Maggie will prepare the tip of your penis and upper part of the urinal tract by thoroughly cleaning it. She will pour some disinfectant from the syringe into the opening of your penis and on the outside and then wipe everything with cotton balls. Look at me please. This is the camera, it's not much bigger than the tube I inserted earlier on but it is stiff. It won't be a pleasant…"

"Ouwww, stop, that burns."

"Sorry Face, there must be some spots that are raw from the earlier catheterization."

Face watched the rest of Marks explanation through tear filled eyes.

"As I was saying it won't be pleasant. Howl if you need to, your friends are all here for you. It is equipped with a light and a tube to remove liquids from the front so the camera will get a clear view. Once I reach the bladder we can drain you and at least spare you from the next catheterization. Okay, let's get started."

Mark inserted the camera and Face felt the immense pressure. It was okay for the first view seconds but then a sharp pain started and spread through his whole abdomen. Face was bucking and thrashing and screaming and his teammates had a hard time keeping him still. Mark was looking at the screen with an increasing frown, moving the camera front and back and very slowly getting on with the job. He finally reached a point where liquid started to flow and the shame and humiliation hit Face full force again. Not only was he getting his bladder drained while all his family watched, it was recorded by the tiny camera too.

When it was done Mark pulled the device out and released Face's legs and covering him up before turning back to the screen with an ever increasing frown. For that Face was thankful. The room was deathly silent and he felt sick.

After what seemed like an eternity Mark removed his lenses and rubbed over his eyes. "Face, you told me you were not injured before. You were lying. There are scars running through the entire first half of your urinal tract. Looks like something sharp or pointed was pushed inside. The scars end in a round, bigger and elevated scar. That's causing the most trouble. Care to inform us how and when that happened?"

Face went pale. He could see it. There was no way to hide now. How would they react? He was afraid of rejection and didn't want to see their faces as they realized just how damaged he was. But now it was all spilling forth and he couldn't do anything but tell. He only whispered "It was that night, when I was coming back to base. I started from town when there was still light. It was late but I would have been able to return just some minutes after darkness. Three kilometers before my destination my tire was shot out. I thought the VC had got me but it was Lynch and four of his men. They hid mine and their jeep from view and dragged me into the bushes. I wanted to fight and kick but they were five and larger than me and then Lynch reminded me to be still or he was going to hurt you. He even forced me to pull….to open…to expose….you know…myself. He ordered me to my hands and knees and they took turns. Always one …you know…one to…one in my….you know..to gag me so I wouldn't scream and one in…in my…from the other side…entering me." He really wanted to tell them now but couldn't bring himself to say some of the horrible things that had happened to him out loud. When he looked up in their faces he didn't see disgust and that gave him the strength to go on.

"While two were r…r…doing it, the others would joke and laugh and cheer them on and sometimes bend down and reach under me to…to touch…..my p…p….my private parts. When they had all…when they were done…all of them…Lynch crouched down in front of me. He told me to get up. I did and reached for my pants but he barked at me that I was not done. I pleaded and begged they should release me, I needed to get back to base, get the supplies to you for the general's birthday but they just laughed and kicked me in….in….you know…where….where it hurts most." Face was beet red just from telling them.

"I was made to stand at attention and Lynch slowly walked circles around me. Then he spoke. 'Why, lieutenant, didn't you enjoy yourself tonight? Is it so hard to get you off? We can't have you going round telling people that I and four of my strongest men could not even get your little soldier to stand at attention. Maybe you need to show us what you like, take it in your own hand. Come on Peck, show us.' And I tried, really, but it wasn't working and they kicked me and laughed and…and…those that went first….one of them…he…he…he got behind me and he…he …he pressed….he…did….he …again, gripping my hips and …and …and it wasn't…still…couldn't ….no reaction. Then Lynch said I needed help, aid and he left. I heard him wrenching something free from a wreckage laying at the side of the street while, while the guy…the one…behind…me, he was ….was done. Passed me on.

Lynch came back holding a stiff and long wire in his hand. He came close while the other guy was…was…I couldn't stand still. Lynch got mad and he gripped my….my….he gripped it very hard jerking forward and then up. He said 'this is the angle a good soldier should stand' and then he …he…he inserted it. First slowly pushing but then he rammed it all the way in. I only remember the guy screaming with me and trying to get out but it wasn't working, he couldn't remove…. and the pain and then I was on the floor and the guy was out and holding his penis and screaming. Then they were gone. I don't know how long I laid there then I pulled it out and got into my jeep and drove the rest of the way with the blown out tire."

Almost not audible he added "It hurt so much." Then Face's eyes closed; exhaustion and the strain of telling the story claiming him.

There wasn't a dry eye in the room. Maggie was openly sobbing, while the men stood quietly letting their tears flow. It was unthinkable and unlike any atrocity they had heard of before.

B.A. was the first to talk, anger replacing his sorrow. "I'm a gonna find Lynch…and I'm a gonna tear him apart limb by limb."

"Get in line, sergeant…get in line," Hannibal spewed.


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44:

He noticed that Murdock had his hands over his ears and was rocking from side to side on his feet. "B.A., get Murdock out of here. I'm going to stay with Face…I'll call if we need you."

B.A. nodded his head causing the chains around his neck to jingle. "C'mon, Murdock. Why don't we let you lay down for a little while?" he said softly, leading the distant man from the room.

Maggie followed closely behind. "I'll put on some coffee," she said in a shaky voice.

Hannibal was afraid to ask, but he needed to know. "How…how…bad is it?"

"The damage?" Mark questioned. Hannibal nodded his head and Mark closed his eyes not wanting to look at the man he had come to respect greatly. "Bad…real bad."

Hannibal steeled himself and pushed his emotions down. "Okay…what happens next?"

"I need to repair the urethral striction…also known as a narrowed section of the urethra. Urethral stricture is due to scarring of the urethra. This scarring was caused by the injury," he paused and took a breath, "or injuries that Face has suffered in the past."

Hannibal swallowed hard, forcing down the bile that had risen to his throat. "H…how do you do that?"

"I perform a Direct Vision Internal Urethrotomy…or DVIU. I use a tool to cut away the scar tissue and to make the urethra wider. After the tissue is removed I examine the urethra and bladder area to make sure that a clear path has been formed."

Hannibal sat down hard onto the nearest chair. "Dear God," he murmured.

"We need to vacate the clinic by tonight…or early Monday morning at the latest. The procedure itself should take no more than thirty minutes. It is usually done under general or spinal anesthesia…neither of which is an option."

"Oh, kid, I'm so sorry," Hannibal whispered to the unconscious figure before him.

"I'm not going to lie, Hannibal. Face has gone through more pain than any man should ever have to experience in a lifetime. But this is probably going to be worse than you or I can ever imagine."

Hannibal felt the tears start to flow again. "What can I do?"

"Be there for him. You need to be strong. It will probably be the hardest thing you will ever bear witness to…but it will save him years of illness and pain down the road. If it wasn't for the bladder problem I would recommend to wait until he can be sedated since it wasn't giving him problems up to now but I already did some damage to the tissue when I inserted the catheter, that's why he screamed so much, and I can't ram a catheter past it several times a day over the next two weeks. Also now is the time when we have safe access to all tools."

Hannibal stayed with Face while Mark left the room to prepare for the next procedure. It wasn't long before he noticed Face start to shift around under the covers. "Hey, kid," he said softly. "I'm so proud of you. You keep strong and it will all be over before you know it."

Face heard Hannibal's voice and forced his eyes to open. "I'm okay…really…I'm okay," he slurred.

"I know you are," Hannibal smiled, filled with pride at how strong his man was trying to be.

"Face…Mark is going to have to operate one more time."

"St…stay…with me…please," Face pleaded.

Hannibal clasped his hand around Face's. "I'm not going to leave you…I promise."

Face smiled weakly and then let his eyes shut once again.

The next time they opened it was to see Maggie and Mark dressed in scrubs and Hannibal next to him still holding onto his hand. He was once again bared and with his legs in the holders and his heart sped up as he noticed they were just about to start and he had no time to argue his way out of the situation.

"This shouldn't take long, Face," Mark said in a forced confident tone. "Just remember to breathe."

"Squeeze my hand, kid," Hannibal encouraged.

Face followed both men's directions. He breathed and he squeezed, but the next 28 minutes would forever be engrained on his brain.

The pain he could take but the memories were the problem. His mind mixed the here and now with the time the injury was done to him. At first he was able to remind himself of what was happening but then it was harder and harder. After Mark had moved everything in place and the tiny knife started to cut at his tissue he lost his last grip on reality and was catapulted right back to the horrible night. He screamed in horror and tried to move against his bonds while all the time seeing Lynch hurting him over and over again with that sadistic smile on his face.

Face never made it back to them for the rest of the procedure. In his mind he was lost to the mercy of Lynch and his men instead of Mark, Hannibal and Maggie. He screamed and begged Lynch to stop and it tore at their heart. Mark had to wipe his eyes several times to be able to continue with the delicate procedure. When he had it all cut away he removed the tissue and cleaned the area, all through the inserted tube. Then he pulled the tube back and inserted the camera again to make sure nothing has moved down the way towards the bladder. When he was satisfied he removed the tube and instead inserted a Foley catheter.

Finally Face's legs were released and placed back on the table, only he still didn't register where he was. Tears were streaming down his face and he mumbled incoherently. He was lost in his mind unable to notice that he was safe with his friends and all was over.

"Mark, can I…his abdomen…can it stand if I lift him?"

"You want to hold him to bring him back?"

Hannibal couldn't speak, he just nodded.

"You can't hold him against your body but you can slip in behind him and let him lean against you with the help of some pillows, only not too upright."

Mark and Maggie gently lifted Face and Hannibal got onto the table. Face started to get agitated again as he was lifted but seemed to settle once Hannibal held him and gently rocked him while murmuring encouragements to him. Maggie was wiping away the tears that were still falling from his unseeing eyes.

Mark left the room to meet BA and Murdock. He only told them that it was over but not what condition Face was in. Instead he asked them to prepare the van so Face could be moved later on. He thought getting them busy was a good idea and BA quietly thanked him before ordering Murdock around to get his things out of the back, move the seats, pick up blankets and so on.

The fog in Face's mind was slowly lifting. He stilled some and then noticed Hannibal. Hannibal was there, but where was Lynch? Was it really all over? Hannibal was stroking over his hair encouraging him to open his eyes, telling him all was fine. He opened his eyes and then he shifted a little. The little movement made him feel the tube of the catheter that was fixed to his thigh and he jumped. Hannibal had to use all his strength to prevent Face from reaching for it and pulling it out.

"It's there, Hannibal, it's still there, hurts so bad." Face was crying in pain and terror.

"Face, shh. Face it's okay…calm down. It's just a catheter, nobody is hurting you; it was a long time ago."

Face's eyes were wide now, his whole body trembling from the adrenalin the fear had released.

"You with us now kid?"

A tiny nod was his answer.

"Remember what happened?"

"Why…why is it still there I pulled it out. I know I did."

"Shh, calm down Face. Look." Maggie folded the blanket back to reveal the catheter Face was mistaking for the wire that had hurt him so much.

Face slumped back against Hannibal and covered his face with his hands. He didn't know what to feel first. He was in pain, he was ashamed, he was so confused and he was feeling sick again. There wasn't a single spot on his body that didn't hurt and he started sobbing, unable to bear all the horrors of the past weeks and years anymore.

"Please…go. Leave me alone."

"No Face, we aren't going anywhere. Your alone time is over. Never again will you have to suffer alone, kid. We are here for you every step of the way."

Face just sobbed and trembled unable to stop himself.

"That's it kid. Let it all out. Too many things bottled up inside you."

When Mark came back about an hour later he found Face asleep against Hannibal's chest. He had cried himself to sleep. Mark looked at Maggie.

"He's physically fine so far. Urine is flowing, temperature is a bit elevated but nothing to worry, heart rate is high but that's from the adrenalin. It's his mind I'm worried about."

Mark took a deep breath. "Me too. I don't understand how somebody can live through such horrors all by himself and remain sane."

"Mark, what happens now?" Hannibal wanted this to stop. No more pain for his lieutenant. But he needed to know what lay ahead of them.

Mark rubbed over his eyes warily and drew a chair close. "The catheter will stay in place for three days to allow the wound to heal. After that we go on like now, remove it and only put it in to drain the bladder as needed. It is recommended to leave it in place for a week but the risk of infection is too high. Three days is the maximum we can risk. He will still feel some pain when we have to catheterize him after that but we can simply not risk more antibiotics. The tube will stay in for the night though to prevent the tissue from scarring and pulling together. We don't need a new stricture just now."

"The success rate of this procedure is relatively low, 25 % only, but if it comes again he needs an open urethroplasty which I can't do and requires a longer hospital stay. When his bladder is functioning again he still needs to catheterize himself to stretch the tissue and that will also help the rest of the scars to stretch. I only removed the knot where the bastard pierced right through to his rectum."

Hannibal cringed "He needs to do what?"

"Exactly my thought. He won't do it. Can't blame him with his past but it needs to be done. For at least six months, preferably longer. You may have to do it for him or with him, at the very least control him. The first three months it needs to be inside at least every second night. Before going to bed he should empty his bladder and then insert the catheter. It can be the type with a caped end since it's not needed to drain anything, just to stretch. He wouldn't need the bag attached to him or anything. If he needs to go during the night he can just open it, go and then recap it. After that you can gradually increase the intervals. I also want to see him for check up with the camera after some time."

Hannibal sighed, he knew the fight he would have at his hands and he couldn't blame the kid.

"Now let him rest. When he wakes up I want to do another ultrasound, see if everything is okay as long as we have the equipment. I sent BA and Murdock to prepare the van, we have to move soon and quite frankly I don't know how. From here to Maggie's at the slow speed we can move it's a good four hours. We have to avoid a car chase at all costs. I also don't want to keep moving him. We have to get him to a clinic where he is safe and has all the time to heal without disturbance and the equipment to help him and the only place I can think of is Maggie's."

Face woke up pressed against something warm and for a split second everything seemed as if back to normal. But then he felt the pain and the memories hit him like a ton of bricks...a ton of bricks that landed on his midsection and genital region. He moaned loudly unable to hold back his discomfort. He tried to breathe through the intense throbbing, but he was struggling to get control over it.

Hannibal heard Face moan and could feel his torso starting to heave slightly. It sounded as if he was having a hard time breathing. "You alright, kid? You need to slow your breathing down. It's okay...I'm here with you. It's okay." He tried to keep his voice soothing and relaxed, but inside Hannibal was shaking.

Face was now gasping; he put his good hand up to his throat willing the air to go inside.

Hannibal couldn't see much of his lieutenant from the position he was in, but he could feel the heat and the sweat coming off of his slender frame. "Face, I'm going to slide out and go for some help. I'll be right back...I promise."

It took Hannibal a few moments to maneuver his way out from behind Face without jostling him too much. As he rushed for the door he made the mistake of looking back. The sight of his friend...his son...laying there expression twisted in agony almost knocked him off his feet. He pulled his eyes away and went running.

Maggie was entering the kitchen through the back door when she saw a blur whizzing toward her. That blur was Hannibal. "John...what is it?"

"Face woke up and he can't breathe," Hannibal said quickly. "I think it's from pain...and..."

"Gotcha," Maggie replied, knowing exactly what he meant. Pain and memories. "Go get Mark...he's outside packing up with B.A. and Murdock." With that she headed for Face's room.

Face's eyes were shut tight, but his hand was still up by his throat. Maggie grabbed an oxygen canister and approached slowly not wanting to startle him and unsure where his head was at the moment. "Face...it's Maggie. I'm going to put this mask over your mouth to help you breathe."

Face's eyes opened but looked glassy and unfocused. He was close to passing out from the hyperventilation and Maggie wasn't so sure that would be a bad thing. But they needed to get on the road and it would be much safer to do so after examining an awake patient. Plus she couldn't just stand there and watch him suffering.

As Maggie was placing the mask, Hannibal burst back in followed closely by the doctor. They stayed back giving the oxygen some time to work. Mark approached Face as his breathing began to even out. "I'm going to take some vitals, okay?"

Face nodded slowly focusing his attention at the ceiling. He didn't want to look at anybody. They all knew his secret; they had even seen evidence of what was done to him. Last night he was forced to lay in front of them and bear his soul...and other parts of him...for them to watch. He was exposed inside and out. Face didn't know what hurt worse: the shame or the physical pain.

Mark began to read off the results of his examination. "Your pulse is fast, which is understandable given what just happened. BP is normal, but high for you. You're running a low-grade fever which we need to keep an eye on." Mark began setting up for the ultrasound. "Keep that mask on for a little longer and continue taking some deep breaths for me. I'll try to be as gentle as possible."

Face was glad he had the device covering his mouth to hide or at least muffle his cries of pain as Mark pressed into his abdomen. As he moved the wand lower and lower toward the pelvic bone the pain increased tenfold as did his anxiety over being touched in that vicinity. He felt dizzy and nauseous and knew he was about to be ill. He pulled off the mask and rasped, "stop...hurts...gonna be..."

Maggie had seen his color going green while Mark was performing the ultrasound. She had a bucket ready and she turned Face's head to the side and placed it under his mouth.

"I'm almost done, Face, hang in there a couple of more minutes," Mark encouraged. He moved the instrument down a bit lower and pressed a bit harder to get a view of the urethra.

Face let out a deep animalistic growl and then began to vomit repeatedly.

Mark hurriedly finished and then rushed from the room afraid he was about to lose his own battle with his stomach. It made him sick having to hurt the young man yet again. He was a doctor...he wanted to help people...not make them suffer.

Maggie watched Mark flee while still holding the bucket for Face. "Hannibal...take this and stay with Face. I'm going to check on Mark."

Hannibal stood by his friend and held the bucket during the attacks. He knew it had to hurt horribly given the abdominal surgery just a day prior and he prayed it would cause no additional harm. Hannibal wanted to touch Face but wasn't sure physical contact by another male was the best idea given what he had just experienced.

Gradually the nausea subsided and Face turned his head back to the ceiling. He was shivering forcefully from the pain. His body was completely drained yet somehow his mind was reeling. Hannibal wasn't talking to him; Maggie and Mark left rapidly; Murdock and B.A. were nowhere to be found. 'They're all repulsed by me,' Face thought.

Maggie returned about ten minutes later. "Is Mark okay?" Hannibal asked.

Maggie nodded. "He's fine...just needed some air."

"And Face?"

"Mark said things looked as good as expected," she smiled.

"Why is he in so much pain?" Hannibal was aware he was talking about Face as if he wasn't there. But, looking at him lying there staring lifelessly at the ceiling, it was as if he wasn't.

"Have you ever gone through multiple surgeries without anesthetic over the course of a weekend?" she asked.

"Point taken," Hannibal said with a sigh.

"The van is packed up and we need to get out of here within the hour. Face needs to stay horizontal and really shouldn't be moved at all. But we have no choice."

"The joys of being a fugitive," Hannibal said dryly. "If only we were free men, Face could be in a hospital and out of all this agony."

Maggie put her arm around Hannibal's waist. "But you're not," she said gently. "And we need to do the best that we can given the circumstances. Mark is getting a gurney so we can wheel Face out to the van."

'If I had been in a hospital they would not have to deal with all the shit I'm putting them through. Nothing is ever gonna be the same again.' Face thought

"Face, honey, we need to vacate the place for the next patients. I'll prepare you for your transport, wouldn't want to be late for Woody Woodpecker, now would we?"

It felt so good that Maggie talked to him in a normal way. Such a tiny thing but it felt so good. He turned his eyes towards her and even managed a small smile.

"Now that is better. Was about time I saw that Faceman smile again. I'm going to disconnect your IV and wrap up the port. You'll get your next drink at my place. If you feel more dizzy than now or have dry lips or a dry mouth during our journey tell me. Next I'll put a cuff on your arm that allows me to read your BP while on the road without having to disturb you all the time."

Hannibal envied her. He couldn't be that free with Face right now. After what Face had revealed about his past, things he had gone through to protect Hannibal and the team and he, the commanding officer who was supposed to look out for him, had treated him so wrong and caused additional pain. He just didn't know how to approach him.

"That's it, all done. Are you okay?"

No, no he was not and he doubted he would ever be. "Feel …feel…so….dirty." This time he didn't meet her eyes.

Maggie knew that he wasn't really talking about not having had a bath in some days but wanted to keep the mood light. "John, I think that's your cue. I'm going to change your urine bag and then Hannibal can give you a sponge bath while I tidy the room and remove our evidence of having been here."

"But he asked you Maggie. I don't think he wants another man to touch him."

"He's right there… you can ask him not me. And now get busy, we're moving soon."

Hannibal reluctantly got a big bowl with water and a washcloth and began to wash Face's face, neck and limbs. Maggie watched from time to time while cleaning the room and storing equipment away.

"He doesn't only consist of head and limbs, John. Go ahead, he's not going to break into two."

"I don't think I should touch close to…"

"It's okay Hannibal….don't need to…..understand you."

"Oh God, if I should ever understand you men I'm going to write a book and make a fortune within a week. John, stop asking dumb questions and wash him, Face, stop thinking low of yourself. You're one of the finest men I know and nothing that ever happened to you can change that."

Hannibal was standing around dumb founded. "Maggie, he's been ra…"

"I know that and he knows it too. When he came to what helped him settle down? You slipping in behind him. If that's not a compromising condition then I don't know."

"He was asleep by then."

"Oh I forgot. Sure he would be more tolerable to unwanted touches when just waking up from a nightmare."

Hannibal saw her point and had some hope. He anyway only washed his upper torso, afraid to cause pain if he washed close to the freshly operated areas. Mark came in with the gurney announcing that they were all set.

Maggie spread two thick blankets and a number of fluffy looking towels over the gurney and then it was placed alongside him.

Face looked around and became agitated when he couldn't see his clothes anywhere.

"Face hon, what's the matter?"

"Clothes?"

"No, we'll keep you in the nude. It's easier to get access if need be and we don't want you to be uncomfortable with clothes. But don't worry. I have warm blankets and towels for you and will wrap you up like a little bug."

With that he was gently transferred to the gurney and placed on pre warmed towels. Maggie wrapped one of the blankets around him leaving his arms outside and then used the second one to effectively trap his arms next to his body. Then the ride began.

Every little movement sent stabbing pains through his abdomen and groin. By the time he reached the van he was already sweating and panting and gritting his teeth. He couldn't even admire the bed BA and Murdock had build for him in the van. Murdock's seat was removed and secured to the other side of the van and the bed was placed on springs so he wouldn't feel every bump of the road. He was transferred again. Mark had his own car and Murdock brought Maggie's. The rest were with him.

At first Face tried to hold the pain inside and not scream or even moan but after just about 15 minutes he had reached the end of his strength.

"Oh god… BA…. stop…. please stop…no more….please."

Face's cries for mercy started a domino effect. Not knowing what to do, B.A. looked to Hannibal…who looked to Maggie… who looked down at Face who's head was tossing back and forth as it was the only part of his body he could freely move.

Hannibal was torn between his head and heart once more. His head knew that they had to stay on the road; it was a long trip to Bad Rock and they had to keep moving or they risked the military finding them. His heart, however, was screaming for him to stop the van and allow Face a break. Head trumped heart and he said somberly, "Keep going, B.A."

B.A. turned his head back to the road ahead. He gripped the wheel with all his might squeezing his anger out on the leather surface. Face was begging him to stop and it broke his heart…arguably his biggest muscle…to ignore him.


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter 45:

Maggie was kicking herself. She should have been the one to tell B.A. to keep driving. Coming from Hannibal, Face was going to see it as an example of his colonel not caring about him. She hadn't wanted to step on Hannibal's toes and make a decision that affected his team, but this time she wished she had made an exception.

Face heard Hannibal say in a cold, hard voice to "keep going". It cemented in his mind just how much his revelations had appalled the others. They were going to let him suffer as much as possible as punishment for all the trouble he had caused. They saw the truth at last…he was a no good, dirty, piece of scum…and it was time for them to treat him accordingly. 'It's never going to end,' he thought. 'The pain is never going to stop.'

Face was once again determined to keep his torment to himself. He didn't want to give them the satisfaction of making him scream or cry. It was what they wanted…wasn't it? The pain was starting to mess with his mind and cloud his thoughts. Past mixed in with present and he couldn't figure out where he was…or who he was with…or who he was anymore. He just hurt and it was only growing worse by the mile.

Maggie was growing concerned; Face was completely still and quiet, but his blood pressure was going through the roof. The only explanation she could think of was that he was in a great deal more pain than he was letting show. Her suspicions were confirmed when B.A. hit a deep pothole and the entire van jumped. Face cried out, "I'll never tell you…I'll never tell you," and then he let the darkness engulf him.

"Maggie?" Hannibal asked in obvious reference to Face.

"He's okay," she said checking Face's radial pulse. "Maybe now he can get some peace."

They drove for the next hour in relative silence. The silence was broken when about three-quarters of the way through B.A. pressed down on the gas and said, "Military car has been following us."

"B.A. you can't go any faster. Face needs to remain still," Maggie said.

"There gainin' on us Hannibal…what you want me to do?"

Hannibal hung his head; they were going to be caught.

The next fifteen minutes went down as a blur.

"BA, keep going at the speed we had before, turn left at the junction there, we can't lead them to Bad Rock. Make it look as if we were going somewhere else. Maggie, there's some of Amy's disguises in the back. See if you can change your appearance some…your hair and some make up. There's no way from getting caught, he's probably waiting for reinforcement, but I want to keep you out of it. As soon as we are stopped you tell him we kidnapped you to treat Face."

As much as Maggie hated the concept she knew it was necessary to keep hidden. Once it got know that she helped the team the military would be hanging around her place and she couldn't help them again.

Another mile down the road they reached the forest and the MP, who thought he had not been spotted yet, decided that he could not wait for reinforcements any longer. The chance for them to get away in a forest and at night was too high. He sped up and made himself known, overtaking the van with sirens on and bringing them to a stop by parking his car in front of the van and blocking its way. BA could have maneuvered around it but not without jostling all the inhabitants. There was also no need to prolong things. Luckily Murdock and Mark were a good distance behind them so at least those two were safe. Hannibal had informed Murdock of their changed route by phone and instructed him to keep himself and Mark hidden.

Face came to from the noise of the sirens. He felt the van coming to a stop and the pain in his body increased from the movement it caused him. He kept his eyes closed to get the pain under control. Before he had a chance to open them he heard BA and Hannibal getting down at the request of what sounded like an MP. Then the side door was opened.

"Officer, how glad I am to see you. These men kidnapped me from my clinic to treat their wounded man. I was so scared. They said I had to accompany them to LA. You rescued me."

"Ma'am, I'm Corporal Anders. Glad to be of help."

He took in Face's appearance who was held down by straps that were tightened over the blankets he was wrapped in. "What's wrong with him? Can he stand outside with the others?" All the time he held his gun trained on BA and Hannibal who were stood at the hood of the van with their hands up and was glancing between them and Face. It wouldn't have been much of a challenge for Hannibal and BA to overturn him but he had the gun and they couldn't risk Maggie or Face getting hurt.

"No, he can't be moved. He's deeply unconscious after several severe injuries. His chances are not the best as it is. He has a head injury, a broken hand, injured leg and several inner wounds that have just been operated on." She was trying to make it sound worse than it was for the MP to leave Face alone.

"Are you sure? I heard a lot about the A-Team and they would not risk the life of one of the men. Maybe they tricked you."

She realized she had overdone it. "They told me they were sending him to a special clinic to increase his chances. Maybe you should allow them to keep going and come with us to then arrest them. Or you keep those two and let me drive him there."

"No way. He'll be sent to a military hospital if he's really that bad of. I'm not going to take any chances. Can you undo the restraints and let me see for myself?"

'Nice try', thought Hannibal. 'She's learning fast. Unfortunately, he didn't fall for it.'

Maggie carefully undid the straps and started to unwrap Face from the blankets. When the outer blanket was gone the soldier could see the thick bandage on his hand, the bandage covering his IV port and the dressing for the rag burn from the earlier restrains on his other wrist and upper arms. He motioned for Maggie to go on and she opened up the other blanket, exposing Face to the view of the stranger. There weren't a lot of spots on his body that were not covered in either bandages or bruising from his several falls.

The soldier was satisfied that Face would not pose a problem for him and turned his back on him and Maggie to watch the other two instead. Had he paid more attention to Face's head than his body he would have noticed what she had. He wasn't unconscious anymore. His cheeks burned red with embarrassment for being exposed to a stranger and it stood out in stark contrast to his pale skin.

"Come out of the van, Ma'am. I need you to fill some paperwork and when the reinforcement comes somebody will take you back home." With that he went back to his car taking the radio without removing his eyes from BA and Hannibal.

Maggie covered Face back up and gently stroked his cheek with her fingers before climbing out of the van.

Murdock and Mark had followed the van and parked in the forest a good distance away, they had then walked the rest and heard most of the conversation. At least they knew what Maggie's part was. Murdock was trying to find an opportunity to help but first needed to get Mark and Maggie out of the way.

"Mark, go back to the car and come driving here. Play the concerned husband that got lucky in following the van that held his wife. Take her and get away from here, I'll contact you as soon as it's safe. Hurry before the reinforcement comes." Murdock could do nothing but wait now.

Face on the other hand didn't want to wait. He didn't know Murdock was near; all he knew was that he had caused yet another problem and that his family was in trouble because of him. He could not let the MP take them in. They would be separated and he might never see them again once they placed him in a military hospital. Or they would try something stupid to get him out and get hurt in the process. He wasn't sure he could move without passing out but the fear over his family caused the adrenalin to flow freely and numb some of the pain. He had to get to one of the guns from the weapon lockers in the back. He removed the blanket and tried to sit up. That alone took him several tries. He then tried to get to his legs and noticed the urine bag that was connected to the side of the bed. He had to disconnect it in order to move but his fingers proved too clumsy to unplug the catheter. He spotted Maggie's bag close enough to reach and grabbed a scissors making short work of the catheter. Now he had to get to the back, grab a gun and get out of the van. That proved to be more difficult than he thought. He had to hold onto something to not fall down and decided to better crawl to the back. He made it there on all fours. The next difficulty was to open the locker. It took him what felt like ages to get a gun out. When he prepared to turn and head for the door he noticed with horror that he was kneeling in a pool of urine that was steadily dripping from the cut off catheter. He was getting more disgusting by the minute and BA was sure going to kill him for dirtying his van. And he was about to stand, or hopefully be able to lean on the van, in front of them and a stranger in the nude and wetting himself and his surroundings. Shame burnt hot in him but it couldn't be helped right now; his team needed him.

By now the MP was standing by his car talking to Maggie, who was giving him some story about a clinic in the far side of LA, while holding his gaze and gun on the team. More important his back was turned on Face. He planned to take a few steps to the man and hold the gun on his back just as he had done earlier on. He made it only two steps before he hit the side of the van with a loud thud that made the MP whirl around.

Hannibal saw Face coming out of the van. He looked like someone from a horror movie with all the bandages and his pale complexion. Added to that was the fact that the only light was coming from the two cars and the torch light the MP was holding. He saw Face staggering on now way to thin legs. The kid swayed dangerously and Hannibal knew he was not going to make it.

What came next happened all very fast. The MP whirled around and gasped as the beam of his lamp caught the figure in front of him. The sight alone caused enough distraction for him to momentarily forget about the A-Team; long enough for Hannibal to disarm him just as Face sagged to the ground. At the same moment Mark came racing and cried out "Mildred, did they hurt you."

The confused Corporal was locked in the trunk of his car before he knew what hit him. Then they heard the sirens in the distance.

BA had rushed to Face and placed him back in the van. Murdock came out of the forest in shock, having had the first good look at Face since the surgery.

"Mark and Mildred, stick to your story and lead them away from us. We meet when it's safe. With that Hannibal grabbed Murdock and dragged him into the van as BA peeled around the MP's car and away from a stunned Mark and Maggie.

It didn't take long and the place was swarming with MP's. They sent them down a junction that BA had crossed to the other side got into their own car as soon as possible, claiming to have told the corporal everything important and by the way, someone should release him.

In the confusion they were able to get away without answering too many questions. "Mildred? What in hell possessed you to call me Mildred?"

Face had a hard time getting the pain under control. He was thrashing while Hannibal unsuccessfully tried to hold him still and re-fasten the straps over him. Murdock was sitting in Face's usual seat staring straight ahead and was of no help, rather needed some himself.

"BA, get us a good distance away and then hole up somewhere. I need to tend to Face."

As soon as BA had stopped he came to the back. Hannibal had Face lying still now. He was in bad shape with blood oozing out under his bandages. When Hannibal peeled them away he saw the ripped out stitches and sighed. With both doctors in the other car he had to make a decision, pressure bandage or stitch him up himself. He settled for pressure bandage for now since he thought to wait and stitch him up under sterile conditions would be better.

"BA, get me some pressure bandages."

BA rummaged around in the back. "Man, somethin' stinks' here. Hope the fool has not done any mess like with the hidden food the other time."

"S…ss…ssooorrryyy." Came a quiet voice from Face.

"Stupid fool."

Face startled at the growl coming his way. He never heard BA saying, "saved us from them MP's and is sorry again."

Face was burning red again and tears fell from his eyes. It was all too much for him.

"What is it kid?"

"Wet…."

"Not important now, Face. Try to sleep a bit."

Hannibal applied the bandages and then fixed a rubber bag around the cut of tube to stop more leakage hoping that it was still working okay and nothing would go back to his kidneys. The doctors would have to insert a new one later on. He then got on the phone and arranged to meet at Bad Rock. He could sense Face had more than only physical problems by now. The kid had come to their rescue once more…but at what a price?

Face finally did fall asleep, but not before berating himself out loud for the others to hear.

It was like a stream of consciousness...a rare view into what was really going on inside his head. His eyes were open, but he wasn't aware of anything around him as he lit into himself. "Way to go, Templeton. You screwed up again. You call yourself a Green Beret and you couldn't even manage to stay on your feet long enough to help the team. Some man you are...you peed all over B.A.'s van like a damn child."

The self-hatred in Face's voice was shocking to his friend's as they listened to his words. Murdock began to rock from front to back while B.A. stared straight not wanting to look back at Face. 'You're a fool, Baracus...you had to mention that the van smelled,' he cursed himself.

"You try so hard...but you never do anything right. The kids were right when they said that Temp was short for 'Temporary' and not 'Templeton'. Nobody wants you around. Sure the guys have let you stick around, but only because they didn't know you...the real you. It won't be long now...you'll be on your own again."

Face was starting to grow weaker...his eyelids growing heavy. "The only thing you did right was keep Chow away from the team by begging that sick bastard to take you instead of them. You were already dirty...it wasn't like it would be the first time. You may have spared them the rapes...Chow and his men were plenty busy with you... but you couldn't spare them all of the beatings. But, you weren't strong enough, were you? Maybe Murdock wouldn't have to live in the VA...and you call yourself a friend. Some friend you are."

His voice had become a whisper. But everyone could still hear his words loud and clear. "If you hadn't been such a wimp you could have taken more...but instead you let the pain take you down. Just like this time...should be stronger...but you are nothing but a weak excuse for a human being." Face's eyes closed completely and his head lolled off to the side. He would remain that way for the rest of the trip.

Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. didn't move much either, with the exception of Murdock's steady rocking. Nobody said a word as they listened to Face's admission replaying over and over in each of their minds. What could any of them possibly have to say that would make anything better?


	46. Chapter 46

Chapter 46:

As they pulled up in front of Maggie's clinic the sky had already darkened. The trip had taken much longer than it should have, but they had to be safe and make sure they weren't being followed. B.A. carried Face's unconscious form through the door. Maggie and Mark were waiting for them inside having arrived a short while earlier.

"Bring him to exam room two," Maggie said. "We have it set up. How long has he been out?"

"Couple of hours," Hannibal answered.

"Let's hope he remains that way for a while longer while we tend to him," Maggie said, ushering the obviously exhausted trio from the room. "Wait out here. We need to keep the room as sterile as possible and you three don't meet the criteria." Hannibal opened his mouth to protest, but Maggie stopped him by saying softly. "We'll take care of Face...you need to take care of yourself and your other two men."

Hannibal nodded and watched as the door swung shut in front of him. He sat down heavily on the couch motioning for the others to join him. B.A. had to pull Murdock down next to him, as he was still not quite with it. It was quiet for a few minutes and they took comfort in knowing that Face wouldn't be feeling any pain.

But then they heard the first scream.

Face woke to find himself strapped once again onto a cold, hard surface. His legs were slightly elevated and spread apart. Two figures wearing surgical masks were leaning over him and talking quietly. He saw one of them hand a small scalpel to the other and a few seconds later he felt the pain.

They sat on the couch, hearts beating wildly, unsure how much more they could take. It would be quiet for a few minutes and then there would be a loud moan...or a grunt...or a scream. They never knew when one was coming and it was unnerving and gut-wrenching to sit by and do nothing.

Hannibal wanted nothing more than to be with Face, offer some comfort to the injured man. The thought of him being strapped down while the doctors worked on him tore at his heart but he also knew how important it was to keep things as sterile as possible. He wondered what took them so damn long. Sure he had had a rough trip and ripped some stitches but that couldn't take that long to fix. What else was wrong with the kid? What damage had been done this time? If only they could have stayed at the clinic until he was able to be transported safely. If only he had never pushed him to the extent that he had broken his hand. He might have made a full recovery from the shell sting by now. The guilt was eating at him.

Just what was going on inside there? Had he ripped some of the inner stitches? Was he having internal bleeding again? Or was something wrong with the surgical wound in his urethra? Or were they having problems to get the remains of the catheter out? Had the drainage not worked well again and he was fighting an infection? Was it the hand, the foot or some whole new problem? Too many questions and no answers; nothing to do but wait.

Hannibal's mind wandered back to the words Face had spoken out loud in the van. So much self loathing and hurt. The kid had spoken as if there were two different people in him. He hoped he had not developed a mental disorder from all the stress and pain but would snap out of it soon. He couldn't handle two Murdocks on the team. Who would have thought that this self confident and cocky kid was nothing but a mass of insecurity and self loathing under the surface? Did he really think he couldn't do anything right? Sure, if he was told that he was an unwanted screw up for long enough and by enough people he would eventually believe it. Everybody needed to be told that he had done well from time to time but Face wasn't getting that a lot. The guilt flared up again as Hannibal thought of all the times they had told him he had not acquired the right thing or it had taken too long or he had changed the plan in between and it wasn't needed anymore. How often had they told him his façade was their meal ticket? He was so much more but they lacked in telling him. Was it really true that he had begged Chow to take him? Had the bastard planed to rape the whole team and Face had taken it all on himself? Was that the reason Hannibal had never got him to shut up and stop taunting the guards, even when he ordered him not to Face had flat out disobeyed him? He could see that BA had similar thoughts to battle while Murdock was lost in his own world.

The position Face was in made him remember another time he woke up in the same position. His mind was letting memories surface that he had buried so deep. He woke up on a hospital table in a position just like now. Flat on his back, legs slightly raised and spread apart, only the doctor did not hold a scalpel but needle and thread. He had remained unconscious during the scalpel part and had come to as they were stitching him back up. The orphanage had to pay all the hospital bills for the kids and the hospital knew that most of the surgeries and treatments ended up as charity cases. So they tried to keep the costs low. In his case that had meant why sedate an already unconscious kid? Just tie him down in case he comes to. And when he did the nurse and doctor talked and he could still hear the doctor say how they were almost done and how it would be a waste of anesthetics if they gave him anything now.

His mind took Face back farther to why he had come to be in the hospital that time. It was so real that he lived it again, including speaking his part out loud again.

It was evening and the kids were already in bed when 14 year old Templeton got up to go to the bath room. On his way back he met Father Manuel, a young guy that had come to the orphanage just weeks before. He had studied some medicine and was put in charge of the infirmary. It was located between the dormitory and the staff quarters. Thinking back he later realized that Father Manuel had no business being close to the bathroom near the dormitories.

"Templeton, good that I meet you. I've been looking for you all day. Come with me…we need to talk."

He was a friendly guy and Templeton was still sleepy so he followed him. They walked past the sleeping rooms until they reached the infirmary and the father gently shoved the boy inside. There was a table and two chairs in the corner and he was made to sit at one while the Father took the other.

"Templeton, you know I'm in charge of the infirmary and the medical care of you boys. You are growing and slowly changing into a man is that right?"

"Uhm I, I don't know, yeah, maybe."

"Have you noticed any changes in you that you want to discuss."

"No, not really."

"No changes?"

"No, there are changes but I don't want to discuss them."

"Let me make it clear to you. You have to tell me. I need to access how far grown you are. It's part of my responsibility to know in which stage you boys are. What changes have you noticed Templeton."

The boy could feel his cheeks burn red "I, uhm…I…I'm getting pimples."

"Is that all?"

"Uhm…no."

"What about your genitals?"

If at all possible Templeton turned even more red. "My uh…my p…"

"Penis?"

"Yes, penis…is growing. And there's some hair there now."

"Good. What else? Are you sometimes getting aroused?"

"Mhh, yes it sometimes does get hard."

"Do you touch your arousal?"

"No, no, I never touch I swear, we were forbidden, it's a sin."

"I believe you but I heard the nuns talking that you are changing your sheet quite often and I saw you doing so just this morning."

"I didn't touch…I swear…it's…it's when I sleep, it sometimes happens."

"Okay Templeton I believe you, just always remember to not touch yourself. Now please stand up and pull your briefs down."

"What? Why?" Alarms were going off in Templeton's head. He was uncomfortable with the talk; sitting there in nothing but the underwear he had been wearing for bed but this was going too far. He wasn't sick after all.

"You need to be physically examined. It's part of my responsibility. Now do as you are told Templeton."

"Nooo…I don' t want to pull down my briefs." He had never heard of such an examination from the other boys and it was strange that it should happen at night.

"Templeton, you might be growing into a man but you are still a boy and you are under the care of this facility. You know you will suffer corporal punishment if you are disobedient. Comply now or I'll deliver a spanking to your backside before we go on with the examination." The Father was quite a big man and Templeton had no doubt he would go through with his threat. It was done at a daily basis at the orphanage and too often was he the one at the receiving end. He reluctantly got up and pulled his briefs down.

Immediately the Father started touching and turning him as if looking at every spot. Then he fondled his balls too and to Templeton's horror his body responded and he grew hard.

"Very good, very good. Now I need you to come very close to me and put one foot up on my chair." He shifted a bit to give space.

Templeton reeled back instead "No, please. I don't want to."

The Father got angry. "Come here at once or I swear I'll bend you over my knee right here and now and when we are done I'll march you back to the dormitory with your bare bottom on display for everyone to see the redness." This kind of humiliation had been done to Templeton more than once and he had no desire to live through it again. He stepped forward and did as he was told.

"Good boy." Father Manuel rummaged in a drawer for a kind of cream. He then squeezed some of the clear gel on his fingers.

"Templeton I'm now going to test your ability to ejaculate." And before the boy had a chance to protest the Father griped his penis with one hand and pressed into him with his lubed hand.

"Ahhhhh, that hurts, no, please remove your finger, please." Templeton was now sure that something was very wrong here but he couldn't move. The moment he spotted the Fathers arousal under his robe he also saw the blade that he now reached for.

"No, please, don't cut me, please, ahhhhh…."

And then he woke up in the hospital. When he was released some days later Father Manuel was gone. Two other boys had gone to Father Maghill and reported him for sexual assaults on them and he had promptly removed him from the premises.

Maggie and Mark listened to Face's monologue. Listening in on his memories and filling in the blanks made their task that much more difficult to perform. Mark was wondering whether the tiny scar he had seen in Face's urethra that did not fit in with the injury resulted from that time and Maggie was wondering if it was the cause for the scar on his lower abdomen. They only hoped his mind was wrapped around his memories a while longer so he wouldn't have to be conscious for his current treatment.

It was a long hour and a half later that Mark emerged into the waiting room. He had splatters of blood…Face's blood…on him and his eyes looked tired and red-rimmed.

"How is he?" Hannibal asked at once jumping up.

"Physically, he is stable," Mark replied. "Mentally…I'm not so sure."

"What did you have to do to him?" Hannibal sat back down, not sure he wanted to know the answer.

"We cleaned and restitched the wounds on his abdomen. His hand and foot injuries were inflamed, but I'm hoping that it is a result of being used for the first time in a while. We are icing the areas and will monitor them for signs of infection." Mark stopped, wondering if he should continue.

He had no choice when B.A. said, "Faceman wouldn't be screamin' like that over some stitches and ice."

Mark began wringing his hands. "No…he wouldn't. I discovered an abscess forming in the urethra where I removed the scar tissue from. I had to go back in, lance and drain the infection. I inserted a new catheter and am hopeful that he can fight this without antibiotics. Maggie is cleaning the room up and when she is done you can go in and talk to him." Mark left out that she was also cleaning up all the blood on their friend's body.

Murdock seemed to come out of his haze. "You…you mean he's still awake after that?"

"I'm afraid so. Unfortunately, he stayed conscious the entire time." Mark didn't want to go into detail about Face's orphanage flashback, so he just said, "he was delirious for a little bit, but he seems oriented again."

Inside the examination room Maggie was pulling a light sheet over Face's body to cover his naked frame. Face had yet to meet her eyes, but she couldn't exactly blame him. Even though she was a doctor, she was still a woman with feelings. She tried to put herself in his situation and realized she would be mortified. "Face, how you doing, honey?"

"M'kay," he lied. 'I'm not going to bother anybody again,' he thought.

Maggie knew that Face was hurting badly, but she wasn't about to call him on it. Her main concern was getting the team back to the point they had been at a few weeks earlier. Face had started to open up and freely trust…but all signs of that had vanished and he was at a worse point than before. "I'm going to get the guys." She didn't ask…it wasn't an option.

Maggie joined the melancholy group in the waiting room. "You can go in and see him now. I'm warning you," she looked at each man individually, "he is in more pain than he is willing to admit. He is also dealing with a lot of…um…stuff." She didn't know how to phrase it, but they knew what she meant. "Just let him know you care...he needs you three now more than ever."

Face heard the sound of footsteps walking toward him, but he had his eyes shut so he didn't have to look at them.

"Face? You awake, kid?" Hannibal asked softly in case he wasn't.

"Yeah," Face replied.

"How you feelin', man?" B.A. asked uncomfortably. He felt stupid asking the question as it was obvious he wasn't feeling well. But he didn't know what else to say and he wanted to let Face know he was there for him.

"Okay," Face answered, eyes still shut.

Murdock couldn't speak though he wanted to; the sight of his best friend looking almost as pale as the white sheet that covered him was too much of a distraction. Hannibal saw the anguish written on Murdock's face and he wanted to take the pilot off the hook. "Murdock is here too."

Face shifted slightly, wincing as pain radiated through his body. "You…you…came to say…goodbye?" he asked.

B.A. couldn't help himself, it just slipped out. "What you talkin' about, fool?"

Face jumped slightly, groaned softly, then answered, "It's okay…I…understand."

Hannibal moved closer to the table. "No…I don't think you do, Face. We came to thank you."

"Thank me?"

Hannibal took Face's hand carefully into his own. "You saved us today…and so many other times before." He was referring to Chow, but now wasn't the time to go there.

"Please…g…go…away. I c…can't …t…take you…s…seeing…me like…th…this. J…just go now. You…kn…know what…I…I am…just…l…leave."

"Face, look at me," Hannibal said. When Face didn't comply, he ordered, "Lieutenant, open your eyes and look at me." Face turned to the voice and followed the order. "We aren't leaving you…not now…not later…never."

"That's right, lil' bother. Nothin' you can tell us is gonna change that."

Face wanted to believe it; he opened his eyes and was about to speak when pain took his breath away.

Hannibal instinctively reached out for Face's hand. That was when he noticed that under the cover Face was still strapped to the table. Not the kind of tight bonds to keep him from moving during surgery but rather the type to restrict his movements and keep him in place while allowing him to shift slightly.

"Maggie…"

She silenced him with a look that said 'not now'. "Face, hon, what is it? Where do you hurt so badly?"

Face just shook his head trying to ride out the pain. As the wave lessened he gritted out "s 'okay".

"Face you need to talk to me or I can't help you."

Sensing that she wouldn't get an answer she turned to Hannibal. "John, Mark and I need to talk to you in my office. BA, Murdock comfort him and yell if he needs us."

As soon as the office door closed behind them Hannibal had to get an answer. "Maggie, why is he in restraints? What is happening?"

"John, we are afraid of his mental state. He may hurt himself. We will soon settle him in a bed and there will be no restraints. However he should be tucked into blankets in a way that separates his hands from his body and I must insist that at least two people are in the room with him at all times. John, he had a flashback." Maggie started to repeat Face's words and when her throat tightened with emotions Mark finished the story.

Hannibal's eyes were bright with tears. He then told the doctors what had happened in the van which only confirmed their fear concerning his mental state.

"I'm also concerned about Murdock. Face needs our undivided attention now, from all of us. If Murdock gets too bad you have to send him back to the VA. That however would not be good for Face. He needs Murdock. He's more free with him than the rest of us. Please, sit Murdock down and talk to him."

"I will Maggie. I'm sure he can pull it together if it's for Face's sake. Those two are good for each other and will do anything to help the other."

"What Face needs now is your love and care and understanding. He feels dirty, disgusting and worthless and no talking in the world can change that. It's been instilled in him for far too long. Only your actions can change it and give back some self confidence but it will be a long way and require a lot of patience from all of you. I'm especially thinking of BA's short temper."

Mark took over to explain the medical implications. "I didn't want o go into detail in front of Murdock and BA. As I said an abscess has built and I had to lance and drain it. In order to do so I had to make an incision between his scrotum and rectum. It's a rather deep cut to reach the abscess that is just under the urethra, luckily not extending into it. I cleaned the wound and inserted a drain that consists of a rubber tube filled with a strip of cotton to drain the fluid. To make sure it heals well without antibiotics I have to treat it for some days. That means I remove the cotton stripe, insert a syringe with disinfectant through the tube to wash the wound and then insert a fresh cotton stripe. Because of the location of the wound he will feel a great deal humiliated. I want you to be around anytime I have to do it and try to distract him. Also, he is still running a light fever that needs watching. Now let's get back and prepare to transfer him to a bed. It's been a long day, he needs to rest."

"Can I go in first and have a word with my men?"

"Sure," Mark agreed. "We'll set up the room. Come get us when you are ready."

Maggie had never seen Hannibal look so anxious before as he turned toward the exam room. "John," she said, causing the silver haired man to turn back. "He's going to be okay, you know. You all will…I know it."

Hannibal was glad that Maggie seemed so confident, because he was nothing but scared. "Thanks Maggie," he smiled. "I hope so…I really hope so.


	47. Chapter 47

Chapter 47:

In the examination room Face was attacked by one wave of pain after the next. BA had taken Hannibal's position and held his hand while Murdock stood there unsure what to do.

"Fool, Faceman isn't going to break if you touch him."

Whit that Murdock pulled a chair to the end of the table and sat down looking at the head of his agonized friend. He tentatively reached out a hand to lightly touch Face's cheek. Face stilled at the simple gesture and tears started leaking from his closed lids. Murdock laid his own head on to Face's pillow so that the top of his head touched Face's cheek. He ran a hand through Face's hair and let his own tears wet Face's pillow.

Hannibal stepped inside then froze at the sight before him. His three men huddled together and giving each other support and comfort. He realized that B.A. and Murdock needed Face at this moment, just as much as Face needed them. If Face was hurting, so were they and vice versa. They may have been born of different mother's, but they were brothers just the same.

Hannibal could have stayed there forever watching his boys, but a gasp from Face propelled him forward. "Face?"

"I'm okay...I'm okay...I'm okay," he said repeatedly as if trying to convince himself as much as the others.

He waited until the spasm passed and Face was breathing easier to speak. "Something has been eating away at me for years...and lately it is tearing me apart." Hannibal pulled a chair up next to the table so he was sitting opposite B.A. and Murdock. The big man looked at him with furrowed brows and Murdock lifted his head up off the pillow in surprise. Face still had his eyes closed, but he turned his head slightly in the colonel's direction. "Everything that has happened to us since Nam is my fault. If I hadn't taken those last orders from Morrison we wouldn't be in this mess. We could be leading normal lives. I should have known something was wrong...I should have seen it. But I didn't and for that I will eternally be sorry."

Hannibal had planned this little speech as a way to draw Face out. He hadn't realized until he was saying it, that deep down he meant every word. The same was true for the others as they spoke next.

B.A understood what the colonel was trying to do. "And I gotta say somethin' too. My fear of flyin' has put us in danger many times and made life harder for us than it has to be. I'm a damn fool for not bein' able to be a man like the rest of y'all and just get on the plane without causin' a stink."

And then there was Murdock. "I'm crazy. I'm a certified loon and you guys let me and Billy hang around...you even accepted Chuck. I stay awake at night thinking about how weak I am for falling apart after the war when you three were able to hold it together."

Face opened his eyes up and smiled a little, but he still wouldn't make eye contact. "I may be sick, but I'm not stupid. I know what you are doing."

"Is it working?" Hannibal asked hopefully.

"Look, none of those things are your fault...you don't need to pretend they are for my sake."

"I think we each know that, but at some level we feel guilty just the same. The same goes for you...you feel guilty about things that happened in your past...things that weren't your fault."

Face closed his eyes again waiting for a wave of nausea to pass. When it did he said, "The difference, colonel, is that I deserve everything I got."

"That's not true, man," B.A. said. He was still holding onto Face's hand. "No kid deserves to be abandoned and abused."

"B.A.'s right," Hannibal said. "And nobody deserves to be raped by Chow ...especially to protect his friends."

Face paled even more and began to shake. "How...how'd...you...you...know?"

Murdock stroked his hair and said softly. "You were talking out loud and told us. You saved us, Face. You saved me...I wouldn't have survived it...couldn't have survived it."

"I shoulda stopped it," B.A. groused. "I'm supposed to be strong and protect you all, and I did nothing."

"No...no...you couldn't have...you...didn't know."

"And you couldn't have stopped anything that was happening to you...you didn't know what was coming either and by the time you did it was out of your control." Face was openly sobbing as Hannibal kept repeating gently as if trying to drill into his soul, "It's not your fault...It's not your fault...It's not your fault."

They stayed in the same position for a long time; each man was touching a part of Face in some way as he let the tears flow. As they began to subside Hannibal said, " We all have our crosses to bear, kid...yours is just heavier than most. Let us help you carry the load, okay?"

Face nodded, his tears shining on his flushed cheeks. "Okay."

"We're a team...but we are also a family...let's start acting like both. What happens to one of us happens to all. We're men...military men at that...and I know we are programmed not to act and not feel. But that stops now... no more keeping things inside." Hannibal looked from Murdock to B.A. and then to Face and said, "If you're feeling mentally drained, I want to know about it...if you're feeling emotionally at the end of your rope, tell me...and if you feel sick or are in pain, I want all the details. All of that goes for all of us...myself included. And that's an order."

"Yes, sir," they answered in unison.

"I love it when a plan comes together," he grinned, fully aware that there was still a long road ahead before he could say that for real. "Okay, at least I love it when I get the three of you to agree with me at the same time. Now, let's me get Maggie and Mark and see about getting you into a bed, Face."

The bed sounded good to Face in theory; lying on a hard table wasn't exactly his idea of comfortable. As they started the arduous process of getting him there, however, he wasn't sure it was worth the effort.

Hannibal returned with Mark and Maggie at his heels. "How's my favorite patient doing?"

"M'kay." Truth was Face was drained and tired and in so much pain that he couldn't remember ever having been in before. He also hated himself for being so weak. His heart wanted to believe Hannibal, BA and Murdock. For once things would be fine in his life. He was accepted and cared for. He believed they probably meant what they said which in itself was a miracle. Nobody could possibly want for somebody who was as damaged and dirty as him to stick around. He also knew that if he really did tell them everything they would turn and run. How could he have spoken out loud? Now they knew about Chow too. Well that explained that; they were feeling they owed him for taking the rapes. But the voices in his head kept telling him it was wrong to stick around. They were good men and he made everyone dirty who stuck around for long enough. He would drag them down with him, had already done quite some damage.

"Face."

"Huh?" He had been so wrapped up in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed that Maggie had continued to speak. Had to stay focused.

"I said I want the truth. Okay is definitely not in the range. Are you hurting very bad, feeling nauseous, any pains that shouldn't be there?"

"No…umh…yes…nauseous…a bit."

Maggie rolled her eyes and the rest shook their heads. "I thought we just agreed on spilling the details." BA voiced what the others were thinking.

Mark saw this was a dead end and decided to get it over with. "Face, we want to examine you again before transferring you. BA, Murdock, please wait outside. You can get the stretcher from the hall in the mean time and make it more comfortable with some blankets."

"We start with taking your vitals." When Mark read the temperature and the pulse he frowned.

"Are you sure you are not in any severe pain that should not be there from your wounds or any pain that has significantly risen?"

"I'm sure." He tried to put as much confidence in the words as possible.

"Hmm, make sure you tell one of us if anything occurs." He wasn't convinced but the rough day he had could also cause the symptoms. "Your hand and foot look better. The ice seems to have done the trick. Now let me see your abdomen." Mark folded the blanket back to expose his abdomen and started to check the new sutures. When he was satisfied he moved on to lightly press down on the areas around the incisions and then gently felt for the inner organs in his lower abdomen. He couldn't feel anything out of place but could have sworn that Face had flinched more than he was supposed to.

"Are you feeling any pain that was not there before? It shouldn't hurt too much when I press down on those areas."

"It's okay."

"Sure? It's important for me to know."

"Sure."

"Okay, last is the newest incision in your ever growing collection. Let me see if the drain needs to be replaced." When Mark moved the blanket to now cover his top half but therefore expose the rest and removed the holding strap over his legs Face noticed the leg holders to each side of the table and with a start remembered the way he had woken up and the scalpel and the pain.

He paled even more as Mark lifted his legs in position and spread them apart. "Wh…what did you do there?" His voice was shaky.

Mark noticed that although Face had been conscious and screaming in pain he had been so lost in his flashback that he had not noticed what had been done to him. Well, that could explain why he couldn't understand the pain in his groin. It took some of the uneasiness Mark felt about the abdomen examination away.

"Sorry, I thought you knew. You had developed an abscess along you urethra that needed to be lanced and drained. Maggie, I'm ready."

'Lanced and drained?' Face had no time to think about it more as Maggie moved to hold his genitals up for Mark to have a good look at the operation area. His head turned beet red in an instant.

Hannibal saw it and couldn't blame the kid. He really didn't want to be in his place. Distract him Mark had said. How do you distract a man in such a situation? A strong topic was needed.

"Face, you said you had seen a father figure in me right from the start. Why?"

"I…because…ah…damn…doesn't matter anymore."

The distraction sure worked. "Why not."

Face took a deep breath. "Because I couldn't keep my damn mouth shut. For some days my life was perfect. You told me you had wanted me as your son…you of all people. It was the fulfillment of my dreams. And then I had to screw it all up by dragging some of my dirty secrets in the open."

"You are wrong for two reasons kid. One, your life was far from perfect and two, it's not true that I had wanted you as my son."

Face was too weak to ram his defense mask into place. His expression screamed hurt and betrayal.

"It was just talking?"

"Let me finish kid. Your life was far from perfect because you were very ill and it's not true that I had wanted you as my son. You are my son ever since Nam and you will always be. Not biological and not on paper but in my heart. Don't you ever speak as if it was a thing from the past. Nothing is ever going to change my feelings towards you, son."

Mark gave Hannibal a thumbs up and started to lower his legs back to the table.

"All done Face, looks good. I changed the cotton strip to drain more fluid. Now let's get you into that promised bed for a good long rest." He got up to get BA and Murdock.

"You do?" Face whispered almost inaudible.

"Always, Face, always."


	48. Chapter 48

**Gemma 72: A lot, believe me ;) Stay tuned and you'll find out.**

**_  
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>Chapter 48:<p>

The ease Face felt was a thing of the past the moment four sets of hands lifted him as gently as possible and allowed Maggie to place the stretcher under him before he was lowered again. Stabbing pain went through his abdomen and groin and made him see white. The pain was agonizing and he probably should have mentioned it, but he couldn't talk…he was busy holding onto the contents of his stomach. Plus he was embarrassed again by the urine bag being placed on top of him to carry along. Then he was lifted again and carried out of the room. Every step they took was pure hell and he lost the battle with his stomach halfway down the hall.

When he was finally lowered into the bed he felt the sweat tickle down his forehead but he was determined not to scream. He could be stronger than this, had to be. He would not scream. That decision went right out the window the moment the first blanket was being tucked around him and made contact with his abdomen. He curled into a ball and rolled on his side "Ouww…my belly…lower belly…and groin….hurts so much…make it stop…please."

"Get him on his back," Mark insisted. It took the four men present to hold him down while Maggie removed the blanket. "Face…this is important," Mark spoke loud and deliberately trying to break through to the tortured man. "Where are you feeling the most pain?"

Face was gasping and struggling. He hurt everywhere it seemed, but one area was excruciating. "Low…lower…right…side."

"Damn," Mark cursed.

"Oh no," Maggie said. "It can't be…you don't think…"

"It's the only thing I can think of to explain it. A common cause is often bacterial infection, and he is a prime candidate for that given what has been going on."

"What? What is it?" Hannibal asked, breaking into a sweat from helping hold Face still.

"His appendix. B.A., do you think you can manage to hold both of his legs still?"

"Yeah," he answered, placing one of his hands on each leg.

Face had started to calm down a bit, but was still breathing hard. Mark held a hand over the lower abdomen. "I'm going to have to examine you once more to make sure." He pressed down lightly under the belly button and Face hissed. As he palpated toward the right side, however, the pain intensified and he groaned loudly. He pressed one last time and held it for a moment trying to feel for abnormalities. Upon releasing the pressure Face moaned and his eyes rolled back."

"Thank the Lord," B.A. mumbled.

"Rebound tenderness and abdominal rigidity," Mark said to Maggie. "I can't be 100% positive, but my gut says we need to move and fast. The rigidity is a sign of peritonitis meaning the appendix has ruptured."

"I'll start prepping," Maggie said, hurrying from the room.

"Prepping for what?" Murdock asked. Everything was happening so fast; they couldn't get their minds around it.

"Emergency appendectomy. If we don't operate ASAP he can become septic and…" Mark didn't need to say the rest. "Let's move him while he's out."

The next thirty minutes were a blur of activity. They returned back to the room from which they had just come and began to strap the still unconscious Face back to the table. He started to stir just as they were finishing and Hannibal immediately moved up toward his head to explain what was happening.

"Hey, kid, how you doing?"

"Hurts," Face said.

"I know, but Mark is going to take care of that for you." 'After he hurts you a whole lot more,' Hannibal thought, sick with dread of what was about to happen.

"Why…tied…down?"

"Your appendix burst. Mark and Maggie are going to take it out for you so it doesn't hurt."

Face looked up at Hannibal with fear. "You…can…stay?"

"I'm going to go scrub up and I'll hold your hand the entire time. Murdock and B.A., stay with Face until I get back.

"You gonna be okay, Faceman," B.A. encouraged.

Murdock tried to keep it light. "Who needs an appendix anyway…unless you're a text book that is." He was rewarded by a slight smile from his ailing friend.

Once Hannibal returned Murdock and B.A. were ushered out of the room by Maggie. "I'll keep you updated…try not to worry."

"Ain't gonna happen, mama," B.A. said sadly as the door shut behind him.

Mark let Face know what was going to happen. Often fear and anticipation of the unknown could make things worse…and they were going to be bad enough as it was. "Here we go, Face. I'm going to make an incision about 3 inches long a few inches above your right hip bone."

Face stiffened as he saw Maggie hand mark the scalpel. 'Not again…please not again,' he screamed on the inside.

Hannibal felt the tension in Face's grip tighten as Mark positioned the scalpel a few inches above the right hip bone. "Just look at me, Face. Don't look at what is happening. Stay with me," Hannibal persuaded.

Face jerked as the blade sliced through his flesh. 'Please, God, let me pass out,' he prayed while keeping his eyes locked on Hannibal.

Hannibal looked into Face's eyes and saw the pain. 'Please, God, let him pass out, he prayed while keeping his eyes locked on his son.

Unfortunately, neither prayer was going to be answered.

Face was soon so far out of his mind with pain that he didn't know where he was or what was happening. Between screams and pleadings to stop he mumbled incoherently driven by memories from his past. Hannibal could make out things that must have happened during his childhood and in Vietnam but couldn't place a lot of what Face said.

Mark and Maggie were once again splattered in Face's blood and Hannibal briefly wondered how much blood was left in the kid when Face unsuccessfully bucked against the restraints, which BA had cushioned to minimize further rag burn, and screamed once more. Hannibal looked and saw Mark pulling the pliers he had inserted into Face's belly out. With it came the cut off appendix. This time Hannibal was the one battling a rebelling stomach and decided it better not to watch again. However, he did look again when Maggie reached for a big bottle of what he thought was an antiseptic solution. Hannibal watched in horror as Mark inserted two fingers of each hand into the incision and spread the wound open for Maggie to poor all the solution inside. The scream that erupted from Face was animalistic and something Hannibal hoped to never hear again in his life. Then his head lolled to the side and he was out. The doctors repeated the process a few times before closing the wound with just a few stitches and inserting a drain.

As soon as she was not needed again, Maggie ran from the room. Hannibal looked at Mark with question marks in his eyes.

"She's going to call a helicopter. We are going to take him into the hospital where I work part time. Same one Matthews is working."

"What? You know that's not an option."

"You prefer to go see him at the cemetery?" Mark had not meant to snap at him but the terrible screams and the knowledge that he had caused them tore at him.

Hannibal was baffled. "But you already removed it."

"Sorry, this was just an emergency surgery. All we did was to increase his survival chances. The appendix was ruptured and all the infectious liquid had spread in his belly. Cleaning it out with a bottle of antiseptic solution is just going to remove some of it. I can't reach into all the corners I need to. He needs to be cleaned out properly in a hospital with proper instruments and sterile conditions. After that he needs intensive care for a while."

"But can't you care for him after he's been cleaned out?"

"Hannibal, don't you understand? If he had hidden his pain a little longer it could have been too late. As it is he may still face severe consequences. The rate for complications once the appendix has ruptured is 59 % and that is for patients who had not had abdominal surgery just days prior to the rupture. Number one in the hit list is pneumonia closely followed by infection of the bladder, the kidneys or any other inner organ there is. If his spleen develops an infection around the wound he will most likely lose it. If he develops any other infection he's going to need antibiotics and there's no saying how he's going to react this time."

Hannibal was floored. He had not thought of all the possible complications and had no idea his lieutenant had been so close to death.

"As soon as Maggie returns I'm going to call ahead so the operating room will be set up when we arrive. You are the planer. Better think of a cover story."

In the mean time Maggie was on the phone with a concerned BA and Murdock to either side of her. She didn't have the time to explain much, just told them Face was critical and needed to be in a hospital five minutes ago if possible. "Hank, I need a helicopter for an emergency transport. Can you get me a police helicopter without too many questions? You remember the guys that helped you with the Barbarians the other time? One of them is critical."

"We owe them but I don't see how I can get a chopper without the risk for them to be recognized. Wait, didn't they have their own pilot?"

"Yes, why?"

"Robertson has a chopper and he owes me. Said I can have it anytime I need."

"Hank, you are my hero. I'll send Murdock to meet you."

"Just send him there, that will save some time. I'll call Robertson now and then come over."

"Thanks."

"Murdock, are you fit to fly?"

"I'm always fit to fly Maggie, especially when Face needs me to."

"Thought as much, here's an address…it's a bit up the road and then left. There's a chopper there that we need here ASAP. " Maggie hurried back to the room to release Mark and prepare Face for the flight.

"Maggie, can't we at least dress him in a boxers? He's going to be surrounded by strangers."

"John, he's out of it. Embarrassment is his least problem now. I'm going to dress him in a surgical gown; he's going straight into surgery when he arrives. Besides the waist band of his boxers would disturb all his abdominal wounds."

Only minutes later the sheriff and his deputy arrived. They met Mark who had just finished talking and a worried BA and were soon joined by Maggie and Hannibal who had Face on a gurney, ready for transport as soon as Murdock arrived.

"How are you going to keep him safe once in the hospital?" Hank asked.

"I wasn't really able to come up with a good plan. Maybe you can say he has something contagious and needs to be kept separate with only you going in. Or we can obscure his Face with some more bandages."

"Mark, I was at your hospital once with a prisoner in intensive care. Do you still have that secluded room in the corner?" Hank had done some planning of his own.

"Sure."

"Then what about we bring him in as a prisoner that cannot be treated in our local prison. We can use the name of one of the Barbarians. They get in trouble all the time, I hope nobody will check. That way we can get Mark assigned to him with just a few nurses. I think the bandages around the head should be given a try. One of the two of us can sit in front of the room at all times. He will need to be shackled to the bed though."

"Great idea, though the bandages won't work, the nurses will change them but I have some that I trust."

"That's a great risk you are taking sheriff." Hannibal was grateful but wanted to make sure they don't change their minds.

"You took great risks when you helped us, now it's our turn."

"What about Matthews? He may call the MP's again."

"No Hannibal, I talked to him and I think I believe him. He was genuinely sorry for the way he had treated Face. He had a bad day is all. He didn't call the MP's…why would they have hang around the hospital instead of coming to you? I think they were looking for someone else. I even want to get him assigned as second doctor. There are always two assigned, especially since I'm part time"

At that moment Murdock arrived and the conversation was over. Face was secured inside and Mark, the sheriff and the deputy got inside while the others had to say goodbye.

When the chopper was out of sight Maggie turned to Hannibal and buried her face in his shoulder. "Why did that stupid boy not say anything earlier on? As soon as he's well enough to endure a lecture I'm so going to tear him to pieces."

"You'll have to stand in line, mama." BA's worried expression betrayed his words.


	49. Chapter 49

Chapter 49:

Hannibal felt nothing but worry at the moment but deep down he knew that it would give way to anger when Face was well and safe with them again and he would probably have to endure lecture number three from him.

They all went inside and settled to wait for news.

They sat by the phone willing it to ring, but it remained silent. And when Murdock came back an hour later they jumped up in anticipation. He just shook his head and said, "I don't know anything…they whisked him away so quickly."

When the phone finally did ring a little shy of six hours later, nobody moved at first. Did they want to know what the voice on the other end had to say?

"I'll get it," Maggie said, figuring if it was bad news it would be best for her to hear it first. And either way, she could understand the medical jargon and break it down for the others in terms they could comprehend.

The men listened as Maggie said, "Uh-huh"…"yes"…"hmmm"…"okay"…and finally… "I'll tell them".

They were leaning forward in anticipation; each man unknowingly holding his breath.

"He pulled through," Maggie said with a smile. She could hear the sound of them exhaling. "It was touch and go for a while…he had lost so much blood. But they think they were able to remove all the infection."

Hannibal was sitting between Murdock and B.A. on the couch. He put his arms around the two men and pulled them close into a hug. They couldn't speak; the relief was overwhelming.

"He isn't out of the woods and will need to be monitored closely. While they were operating they removed some infectious tissue they found located elsewhere…I didn't get the specifics. Mark mentioned that it wouldn't be surprising if they need to go back in soon to drain the wounds, but by then he hopes to have Face back here with us."

"How…how…is he otherwise? Is he awake?" Hannibal asked.

"No. That is the other thing…it's both good and bad. They had to sedate him as a man screaming in the middle of surgery would be sure to draw attention. It's good because he didn't feel a thing, but it's bad because it can lead to complications."

"Oh no," Murdock said putting his head down into his hands. "That stuff messes with his head and we aren't going to be there to help him out of it."

"He can hurt somebody," B.A. said.

"Doubtful," Maggie said. "When he wakes I'd be surprised if he has the strength to lift his head off the pillow."

Hannibal rubbed at his tired eyes. "I hope you're right, Maggie, but we've seen Face do some pretty incredible things over the years in the middle of a flashback."

"Even if he tries, don't forget that he will be cuffed to the bed…which isn't exactly going to help him any in the mental health department. He won't be given any pain medication and antibiotics are a last resort, so the best medicine for him will be you guys. That is why we need to get him stable enough to move him back here as soon as possible."

"How soon do you think that will be?" Hannibal asked.

"Ideally, he should be in intensive care a minimum of three days. Realistically, however, to avoid risking somebody finding out his identity it will most likely be less."

However long the time period was going to be until the team saw Face again, it was going to feel like an eternity; they wondered how they were going to make it through without driving themselves or each other insane.

Face woke up to the sound of a machine beeping and pain…lots and lots of pain. Somebody was talking to him, the voice was familiar, but the face was blurry. He blinked his eyes rapidly trying to clear his view.

"Face, can you hear me?"

"Mmm hmm," he mumbled.

"Face, it's Mark. You are in the hospital. You are safe…everything is going to be okay."

"Mmm hmm," he said again. Where was the team? Why weren't they there?

"Close your eyes and try to rest." Face immediately complied and was out again. Mark wanted to take advantage of the sedative effects as long as possible and allow his patient to sleep. He knew that once he was fully awake the pain was going to be unbearable. The tragedy of it all was that there wasn't a darn thing he could do about it.

Back in the house Maggie was trying to get the guys to rest. "Look guys, it's past four in the morning. You need rest."

"How can we rest with Face in trouble?"

"He's not in trouble, he's in a hospital getting the best care. What good does it do him if you are all worn out? He needs you in top condition when he comes back."

"Show us that you can go to sleep and we'll follow suit."

Maggie exhaled loudly. "Okay, you win, for now that is. I'm too worried about that boy to sleep and he's not as close to me as he is to you. But let's at least stretch out as good as it gets around here, close to the telephone."

Maggie took the couch while Hannibal pulled two chairs together. BA and Murdock each got a blanket and got comfortable on the floor. Everybody was lost in his own thoughts.

'If only I had an ultrasound device here, we could have caught this earlier. But Face is so damn stubborn, just won't admit that he's in pain. But can I blame him? He was probably terrified of what we'll do to him this time. He's strong, he'll push through okay. I only hope Mark will be around when he wakes up. He'll be terrified out of his mind if he's alone.'

Murdock was seeing Face being whisked away by the medics over and over again. He had wanted nothing more than to follow him, make sure he's fine and not alone, make sure this risky plan worked and nobody recognized him. Although Face was out of it he felt like betraying him when he was being wheeled away and Murdock had to play the disinterested pilot who was only doing his job.

BA's thoughts were hanging back. 'Doesn't feel like weeks, it all happened so fast. Stupid fool that I am. How could I lose my temper and throw that darn toolbox. And then call him a cry baby, maybe he woulda said somethin' 'bout his belly if it wasn't for me. If Mama knew I would be in for somethin'. Wish she was here to mother Faceman a little, would do him good. And how stupid was I to mention the smellin' van? All the time I tell the fool to shut up and I'm babblin' without thinking. Shoulda smelled it was pee and not some rotten food. Faceman's comin' to rescue us and I lay into him first chance I get. And now he's all alone and helpless among strangers…what good are all my muscles now?'

"Just when did all this happen? We teased him about his girl and his lifestyle and about anything at all and it seems like yesterday", Hannibal thought. "Just a short time and the kid has gone through so much pain and humiliation; has told us so many well kept secrets from his past. And I have been a complete jerk. I have been cold and distant when he needed me so much. And now he doesn't trust us anymore and thinks we will abandon him because he's dirty and week and of no use. So much that he thinks he can't bother us with his pain and tries to hold everything inside. Oh kid, you are so wrong. The people who did all those horrible things to you are dirty, not you. We would never leave you and yet you are alone now. Shackled to a bed in a hospital with lots of strangers around you. I hope you'll sleep as much as possible and are back here with us soon. It kills me not to be able to get to you and comfort you and all because we are on the run for something we haven't even done. What if Mark has to drain your wounds again or you suffer from nightmares or flashbacks…who will be there for you?"

Mark sat with Face for about two hours. He was still asleep but Mark had to go and see his other patients. Hank was sitting in front of the door and the room had a big glass window so Mark told him to watch for any movements and instructed the nurses to call him as soon as Face was up.

Face woke about thirty minutes later to an almost unbearable pain in his abdomen accompanied by dizziness and nausea. His training told him not to open his eyes or move until he had evaluated his surroundings. First he noticed the different smell; this was not Maggie's examination room. He felt something cold on his wrists and ankles and couldn't hear anybody in the room. He risked opening his eyes and what he saw confirmed his fears. He was shackled to a hospital bed with a policeman in front of the room. He quickly closed his eyes again, partly for not to notify anybody and partly to control the dizziness.

It had finally happened. They had abandoned him. He remembered how Hannibal had been so disgusted by his constant vomiting and how BA had been angry because he had wet the van and how they were all so appalled by his history. They had dropped him off at a hospital and his identity had been found out. Maybe they had even checked him in under his real name.

The pain…there was so much pain. He remembered the excruciating pain in his abdomen and groin at Maggie's and that was the last thing he remembered. If anything the pain had increased. The nausea made itself more prominent but he was determined not to give in. His stomach however had different ideas. Unable to so much as lift his head it was all he could do to turn his head to the side and vomit on the pillow.

Hank saw Face moving his head and called for the nurse for help.

"Ah dear, didn't react well to the sedative, did you? Let's get you cleaned up. Anyway, it's time for the morning bath, and then I'll call your doctor." She closed the curtain on the window and proceeded to clean his head and the bed and Face was embarrassed that he had not called for a bowl. Things went downhill from there the moment she removed the blanket that was covering Face and started to wash his naked body. Face turned beet red again and she noticed.

"Don't worry dear, that's my job and you are sick, nothing to be ashamed for." While true, it did nothing to help Face. When she gently cleaned his genitals he let out a small grunt and shut his eyes tight. "Sorry dear, I didn't know there was a wound here too. My god you are full of holes. "

Soon she announced "All done" and Face felt relieved. He was too fast however since the worst was to come.

"I'll place you on a bed pan and give you some privacy while I go and call your doctor." She expertly slipped a hand under the small of his back to lift him off the bed. The moment she pressed up he screamed out in pain and she lowered him down again hurrying from the room to reappear moments later. The pain was terrible; he couldn't get it under control and breathing became difficult too. More people flooded the room and the last he saw Mark coming inside. He briefly wondered why he was here before he passed out.

The next thing Face knew there was a bright light shining in his eyes. That light was blocked by a memorable visage though he couldn't place from where…but it made him uncomfortable. A mask was being placed over his mouth and nose and he heard a female voice telling him to breathe deep. His eyes grew heavy and another voice…this time coming from the familiar face…was asking for a scalpel. There was an intense pain of something slicing across his belly and he arched his back but it barely moved against the binds holding him down. Tears clouded his sight until eyelids obstructed it completely. The identity of the man came to him and filled him with fear as he felt another sharp stabbing pain. 'Matthews,' he thought. 'No…not Matthews." And that was the last thing he remembered.

The phone rang as Maggie was fixing some coffee. None of them had slept much and they needed something to keep them going. Her face paled as she listened to Mark on the other end. He was speaking quickly and in a hushed tone. He didn't bother saying good-bye as there was no time…he just hung up leaving her holding the phone and listening to a dial tone.

Maggie returned to the living room without the coffee she was supposed to be fetching. She walked robotically unsure how to tell the three men in front of her what had happened.

"You okay, Mags?" Murdock asked.

"Mark just called," she said shaking her head. "Face took a turn for the worse. They had to rush him back into surgery."

B.A. began twisting the rings on his fingers. "Ah, man, no,"

Hannibal felt as if his stomach had dropped. "What happened?"

"It seems as if he has some internal bleeding from the last procedure. Mark said they repaired the damage and that he's in recovery again."

"So, that's good, right?" Murdock questioned. "Face is in recovery…you don't go to recovery unless you are…well…recovering."

"Believe it or not, Face's health isn't the biggest problem at the moment. Dr. Matthews heard one of the nurses gossiping about how she was caring for a member of the A-Team. It seems even as sick as he is, Face attracts female attention. She recognized him as the 'hottie from the poster hanging on her post office wall'."

Hannibal's brain was springing into action. "Can he be moved?"

"No," Maggie responded right away. She paused then added, "But given that the military is probably already on their way, he has to be."

Murdock stood and headed for the door. "I'm on it."

"Wait," Maggie called after him. "A chopper flying back here would draw too much attention and could lead the MPs right to my door. Mark has another plan…but you aren't going to like it."

"If it gets Faceman to us, mama…we'll like it."

But B.A. was wrong…they didn't like it one bit as the hearse pulled up over an hour later. Matthews was driving and Mark was riding in the back with Face.

"Please tell me that Face isn't in a coffin?" Hannibal said to Maggie, waiting in anticipation for the rear door to open. Once they did everybody was relieved to see Face lying on a stretcher in their plain view. But the relief was short lived as they got a good look at just how feeble and ill the younger man looked. He was deeply unconscious and had an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

They quickly but as careful as possible carried him inside and Dr. Matthews drove the hearse out of view to avoid small town gossip about who had died at Maggie's office.


	50. Chapter 50

Chapter 50:

"Set him up with his upper body slightly raised to battle respiratory problems. He's very weak and not too stable. Maggie, you need to watch very closely he should actually be in intensive care. He didn't spend more than 30 minutes in recovery, just the time it took us to organize the car after Dr. Matthews overheard the nurse. It was just luck he accompanied him into recovery himself or we would never have known what hit us. How equipped are you? You need to monitor his heart rate, blood pressure, temperature and breath rate."

"I can do that. I have a portable device for that. Face got it for me some time ago."

"What about artificial respiration?"

"That too. Is he that bad?"

"So far oxygen helps but be prepared. I'll bring my ultrasound device when I come back in the evening. Now I gotta go before someone misses me or the hearse. Dr. Matthews will stay and explain the rest to you." Mark was running out of the door before they had the chance to ask anything. Just a minute later Dr. Matthews came in and immediately started checking Face's vitals. He didn't like what he saw.

"The ride has taken a lot out of him. Pulse is way too high and blood pressure too low. His respiratory problems have also gotten worse. Sounds like the lungs are filling up. Dr. Sullivan he needs more fluids."

"I'm on it, BA help me set up the monitor, we need to get him connected fast. What happened?"

"He had internal bleeding this morning. At the time the nurse called Mark he was screaming in pain and after a quick exam was rushed into surgery. He had developed respiratory problems by then. I gave him only a light sedative to not further aggravate it before I performed surgery. I'm afraid it only kept him from screaming but not from feeling what was being done. I can't tell at what point he passed out completely from the pain but he hasn't stirred since then."

"Wait, you performed the surgery? What about Mark?" Hannibal still didn't trust this man.

"Mark is a part timer. He was not on schedule. It would have raised too many suspicions of why he was performing an operation while the second assigned doctor is around and free."

"What did you do?"

"I opened up yesterday's incision. Some of the blood was coming out through the drain. His whole belly was full of blood. I repaired the damage and cleaned him out once more. He's going to be in a world of pain when he comes around."

As if on cue Face started to shift and moan. It still took a few minutes until his eyes opened. The pain Hannibal saw in them tore him into two.

Dr. Matthews moved into Face's line of vision. "How are you doing?"

Face recognized him and fear griped him. He was the man who had hurt him. The pain was far worse than before. "Pleas….no more….leave me ….alone….please." It was so difficult to breath and every heave of air caused a burning fire to erupt in his belly.

"You need to calm down. The surgery is over." Face only seemed to get more agitated.

Hannibal moved forward to calm Face and as soon as he saw him, Face reached out for Hannibal with both hands. Hannibal quickly grabbed the injured hand by the wrist before Face could do some more damage to it.

Face used the other hand to grip the fabric of Hannibal's shirt. In a childlike voice he started to talk "Hannibal…please take me back….I have nowhere to go…I didn't mean it. Please, I'll not dirty anything again. I Promise I won't get sick again just take me back. They are hurting me so much here and I don't want to be alone. Please don't leave me here. Please, it hurts so."

Hannibal wanted to cry; Face sounded so young and so terribly frightened. "Hey…hey, kid. You aren't alone…I'm here. And so are Murdock and B.A. We didn't want to send you away, but you got real sick and needed help. I know it hurts, but the doctor is just trying to make you well."

"I…I…can't…can't…breathe," Face gasped.

Hannibal as gently as possible pried Face's hand off of his shirt and eased him back against the pillows. So as not to make him feel as if Hannibal was pushing him away, he grasped his other hand and encouraged, "Try to calm down. When it hurts, squeeze my hand and breathe through it."

Face took him up on the offer and squeezed with all his might. Just knowing that Hannibal was there seemed to be making his breathing somewhat easier, but he was still having tremendous difficulty.

Maggie hooked Face up to the monitor and began taking note of the various readings on a chart. "Matthews…the pulse oximeter reading is dangerously low."

Matthews put his stethoscope on and walked over to Face. "I'm just going to take a listen to your chest, okay?"

Face still wasn't sure if he could trust the doctor or not, but Hannibal seemed to have faith in him so he nodded his consent.

"I want to do a chest x-ray," the doctor announced. The look he gave Maggie told her all she needed to know…it wasn't good.

B.A., can you…"she started.

"On it. Come help me, Murdock," B.A. ordered sensing that he needed to remove the stricken pilot from the room, even if for only a few minutes.

A short time later, a wheezing Face was still holding onto Hannibal for dear life, as Maggie and Dr. Matthews examined the x-rays. The medical duo then approached the team and explained what they had seen.

Maggie started. "Face, honey, you have an excess of fluid building up in the pleural space…the space between your lungs and the chest wall. That is part of the reason why it is so hard for you to breathe. Dr. Matthews is going to explain what he wants to do."

"Please, call me Rick." He looked into Face's eyes and said, "First let me apologize to you for the first time we met. I must have made a horrible first impression. I had a rough day and took it out on you…I am sorry."

Face smiled weakly his appreciation. He couldn't talk…he could barely breathe…so Hannibal said, "Thank you for that, Rick"

"Let's see if we can get some of that fluid cleared up, shall we? I would like to do a Thoracentesis."

B.A. groaned at the latest term. "A thora-what?"

"It's a fancy term for a procedure in which I will insert a needle into the pleural space and withdraw some of the built up fluid."

Hannibal felt Face tense at the mention of the word needle. "How long will it take and do you think Face is strong enough?"

"About fifteen minutes at most. It is minimally invasive and the benefit of having Face being able to breathe freely is worth any of the risks. "

"There is one thing that may pose a problem, however," Maggie interjected. "The needle is inserted through the back which means that we have to get Face into a seated position and leaning slightly forward."

"But his abdominal incisions…" Hannibal began.

Rick nodded his understanding of the concern. "If we move him slowly and have one of you holding him up on each side by his shoulder while the other supports his head and keeps him still, I think we can manage without causing additional harm."

Hannibal was on one side and B.A. the other, while Murdock stood between them. They were the only thing holding Face in an upright position. Face felt something cold wipe across his back. "I'm just cleaning off the injection site," Rick said. "It's crucial that when we start you don't move, cough, or breathe too deeply. I'm going to insert the needle…you will feel some discomfort and a bit of pressure."

Face moaned loudly as the sharp instrument was forced through his back. It seemed as if it took forever to find the right position before the pain lessened.

"I'm going to remove the fluid now…we are almost done."

There was an intense pulling feeling and pressure in his chest. The room began to spin and Face moaned again.

Something about the sound of this moan caught Maggie's attention. "You doing okay, Face?"

"Feel weird…dizzy…"

She checked the monitor again and saw that Face's blood pressure had fallen drastically. "Rick, can you slow down? It's too much liquid draining from his system at once. His pressure is too low."

"Damn, I can't really slow this down. The risk is too great. We are already at 800ml and if he gets a coughing fit while the needle is still inside we risk punctuation of the lung. Increase the rate of the IV to replace some, we can't have him pass out now. Just a bit more and I'll stop."

"Still dropping."

"Okay, I'll pull out."

By now Face was almost out. "Lower him back down slowly I need him conscious. Face, any increase in the pain in your belly?"

All the answer he got was a weak moan.

"Maggie, how's the pressure?"

"Still dropping but not as fast."

"Shit, he might be bleeding again. Lower him flat on his back."

The moment Face was flat he was hit by a coughing fit and tried to curl up as the pain in his chest and belly was unbearable and increasing with every cough.

"Pin him down, he has to stay flat, we can't have him rip out the stitches." Rick was right in Face's vision as he had been about to examine his abdomen and was now pinning him down by the chest. All Face's pain clouded mind could process was that Dr. Matthews was hurting him again. The pain was so bad that tears were flowing down freely.

As soon as the coughing stopped Rick left the task of holding Face down to the others and started pressing down on his belly. "Maggie?"

"Stopped dropping, but has not increased yet."

There wasn't really a way to press on Face's abdomen without getting in touch with one of the incisions since they were plenty.

"Ouwww, Dr. Matthews please stop. Please. ….Hannibal, make him stop, please….hurts so…why do you let him hurt me….please…take me away from him….I'll be good I promise. " Face blacked out again.

"I wish we had an ultra sound. I can't really feel anything out of place."

"It's now going up slightly."

"Let's hope for the best."

"Can someone explain what just happened here? What was that all about? "Hannibal was angry that Face had to go through all this pain. Although deep down he knew the doctor was just trying to help he was at the end of his rope in seeing Face in misery and hearing his pleadings.

Rick rubbed a hand over his tiered eyes. "I removed a lot of fluid. That can lead to a drop in blood pressure and since your friend here is intent on taking the grand tour through the side effects it did. That's why he was dizzy, that and sitting up after so long. There's also a chance that he's developed another internal bleeding. We have to watch the readings on the monitor closely. The coughing fit is also normal when his lung expands fully again. The problem is that I couldn't finish and depending on whether and how fast the liquid builds up again I have to go in again or in the worst case insert a chest drain. But let's face the things one by one."

"Are you going to say that all this pain he has to endure is normal?"

"Hannibal, you are angry and I can understand that. It's not normal but it's all within the explainable side effects after surgery. Let him rest now and hope that things will look up soon. Maggie, can I lay down somewhere? I've been up all night."

"Sure, Murdock can show you."

"Call me if anything changes and keep the IV opened but check his temperature, he might cool down from all the added liquid. If you notice anything pre heat the bags and don't use them from the fridge."

Face woke some hours later around noon. Maggie and Hannibal were in the room with him. There were some soft moans and then a pair of confused blue eyes looked up at a worried Hannibal.

"Hey kid, how do you feel?"

"Hannibal, why are you here? Gotta go."

"I'm not going anywhere kid, not without you. I told you I would never leave you behind a really long time ago."

"But…why did you come here? It's dangerous. Policeman." Face was struggling to get out full sentences.

Hannibal suddenly understood. "Face, look around, you aren't at the hospital. We are at Maggie's"

Face looked around confused. "No…gotta go…not safe for Maggie…police…know me."

"Shh kid, calm down. Everything's going to be fine. Didn't you recognize the policeman? That was the sheriff of Bad Rock, he covered for you. Now calm down, slow deep breaths."

"But…but…shackles."

"Are gone, look." Hannibal lifted one of Face's arms."Now breathe, kid. Slow deep breaths. In through the nose and out through the mouth. That's it, you're doing good kid."

"No hospital?"

"No, no hospital."

A small smile played around his eyes "You came back for me?"

"I never even left you kid, you needed to be in a hospital and we couldn't go in with you. I told you, remember?

No he didn't remember but no hospital also meant something else. "Matthews gone?"

"No kid, he's here."

Instantly the pulse readings went high again. There was something about the man Face didn't trust…and he couldn't get past it.

"Face, you need to calm down," Maggie said gently.

"He's…bad…feel it," Face insisted weakly. If only he could think straight he could figure out why.

"Relax, kid. You're body needs to rest. I won't let anybody hurt you."

"But…Hannibal," Face started, but stopped as pain shot through his groin. "Argh," he gasped. The intensity took his breath away and made him lightheaded.

"What is it, Face?" Maggie asked. His blood pressure was off the charts and his heart rate steadily rising.

Before Face had a chance to answer, the darkness claimed him once more.

"Maggie? What's happening…is he okay?" Hannibal reached for a damp cloth and placed it on his boy's warm forehead.

Maggie looked perplexed. "I'll feel a lot better when Mark comes back with the ultrasound machine. Right now, I just don't know. What I do know is that something has him spooked."

"And that something, or somebody rather, is Rick Matthews," Hannibal frowned.

Face saw it before him in slow motion. He was lying on the ground, Lynch looming over him wearing a menacing smile. He tried to roll away, but somebody was holding his shoulders down from behind. He tilted his head backward and saw who it was…Matthews.


	51. Chapter 51

Chapter 51:

Face couldn't move; the hold on him was too strong. Something was pressing against his belly and down toward his hip bones. The sensation was terrible and he started to plead for mercy. "Please…stop…leave me alone, Lynch." Only when he opened his eyes, it wasn't Lynch before him…it was Mark.

"I'm sorry, Face. It needs to be done…I'll go as fast as I can. Rick said you passed out while he was clearing out your lungs and Maggie tells me you were experiencing some bad pain…I need to make sure all is okay inside."

Face glanced back at the person holding him down and his blood ran cold. "No…Matthews…you…were there. It…was …was…you…in Nam…you held...me…down."

All movement in the room stopped. Mark froze in shock and then removed the wand from Face's abdomen. He had seen something he didn't like, but it would have to wait until he could calm his patient.

"Face, what are you talking about?" Hannibal asked from the corner of the room.

"Han…Hannibal. That…that's where…I know him…him from. I…I…just couldn't…place it…until…until…"

Rick pulled his hands away from Face and said calmly, "I'm sorry, but you must be mistaken. I never went to Vietnam."

Face felt his heart pounding in his chest like a jackhammer. "It…was…was…you. I remember…you…held…held…me down."

"Face, Rick is telling you the truth," Mark confirmed. "I've seen his file before."

Hannibal took hold of Face's hand to try and comfort his trembling friend. "It's okay, kid. You've been sick…"

Face cut him off, "No…I'm not…not…imagining…it. He…he…was there."

The color seemed to drain from Rick's face and he sat down hard onto a chair. "Like I said, I never served in Vietnam," he paused, "but my late twin brother did. He served under a colonel…a colonel by the name of Lynch."

"Face, it's important that you calm down. You heard Rick, the man that held you down is dead. No one's going to hurt you. Just concentrate on breathing." Mark took control as all others seemed to have lost the ability to speak. "I'll put the ultrasound away for now."

Face fought hard to get his breathing under control, never taking his eyes of Rick. Mark saw that this wasn't going to work. He gently took Face's head in both hands and turned him to face straight ahead where Mark was close enough to block out most other things from his view and far enough to still give him some personal space and not scare him more.

"Face, where are we now?"

"Da…I….can't be…I'm in…no…why are you here?"

"Face, where are you?"

"Da Nang...no…hospital…no…Maggie's."

"Right, that's right. We are all at Maggie's and you are safe. You with us now?"

Face nodded and his breathing stabilized.

"Good." He let go off of Face's head but stayed bent over him."I'm going to talk to Rick, Maggie and Hannibal. I have to get informed about what happened to you since this morning because Rick has to go back to the hospital to start his shift and it's far from here. In the mean time I think you might want to clean up from all the lube I smeared on your stomach. Murdock will get some nice warm water and some washcloths and bathe you while the rest of us are outside talking. Does that sound okay?"

He wanted to get Face to feel safe. Murdock caring for him while no one else was in the room removing the threat of being held down for just another painful procedure sounded just right. Also, Murdock didn't need to hear what they were about to say.

Face gave a small nod, eyes wandering back to Rick. Murdock got busy getting all the supplies he would need. He was grateful to be able to do something for Face. Maggie explained to him what he had to look out for in all the monitor readings and then they were left alone in the room.

The silent group made it a safe way out of earshot before anyone spoke.

"Please tell me he took a beating while being held down."

"No, he was raped while being held down, repeatedly. By all the men involved." Hannibal's voice was ice cold.

"Oh God."

"Sucker's lucky he's dead already. I'm sorry I won't get to lay ma hands on him" BA's tone of voice matched Hannibal's.

"He died in Vietnam. Oh god, how can I ever get near Face again? He's never going to trust me and I can't blame him. Between what my brother did and what I did it's only understandable. I'm afraid I can't treat him again."

"Rick, that's not an option. We have to take shifts. I can't stay away from the hospital now without raising suspicions and Maggie can't handle this alone. Though she can do a lot of things there are some specific treatments that she has no experience in. Just imagine you had not been here to drain the fluid today. The risk is that much higher if you don't have practice and without an ultrasound to at least see what you're doing."

As much as Hannibal hated the idea he knew Mark was right. "We just have to make sure he has all of us around and knows that we won't allow anyone to hurt him."

Mark felt that topic could be closed. "How's his mental status?"

Hannibal sunk down in a chair. "Bad. Most of the time he doesn't know where he is. He speaks like a frightened child only to turn into a somewhat lucid adult the next minute. To be honest, he's scarring me."

"He should be in a hospital and heavily sedated. I don't know how one person can go through all this pain without losing his mind." Rick could not meet their eyes.

"Speaking of hospital, I think you should get going."

"How much of a commotion do we have?"

"It's clearing up. You should have seen the Sheriff and the Deputy. They should consider going into acting. By the time I came back the military had not arrived but the whole place was buzzing with gossip about how that nurse was obsessed with men in uniform and how those two police men that came in with the prisoner had their hands full to fend her off. Also there were rumors that she was overheard saying she wished there was a fight or a kidnapping so that the place would swarm with uniformed men. She was heard saying she would do anything for that to happen. And when they arrived it was, of course, by sheer coincidence that the two policemen had decided to eat at the hospital cafeteria and were still around. Hank fed them a heartbreaking story of how the prisoner had been a troublemaker right from the start but just recently had taken a turn. He had been involved in reading rather than fighting, was intent to further his education and took part in the prison arts program where vases and ash trays were modeled from clay. And now the poor guy had died after appendix surgery. I only hope they won't call the prison. They seemed content with our false death certificate and asking around. All the nurses in intensive care could tell that the guy had died in the morning. Good thing he attracts enough female attention and nobody saw that he wasn't plugged into the machines that were screaming alarm."

"And we did everything to bring him back to life, behind closed curtains of course. The only one who knows the truth is the nurse that was with us, but I trust her. I only hope we don't have to take him back. Now Mark, before I get on my way, what was it that you saw on the ultra sound? I could see you didn't like it one bit."

"A large mass near the urethra which appears to be in the same spot as the abscess I previously lanced. It looks as if it is back and much, much larger."

"You are going to have to remove it before the infection spreads," Rick said while putting on his coat. "Do you need me to stay and assist?"

Mark shook his head. "No…Maggie is here…she can help. Besides, you should get back to the hospital before you are missed."

"Okay. And I'm not sure it's a great idea that Face sees me at the moment anyway. Call me if you need anything," Rick said and with that he was out the door.

"You ain't gonna cut him again, are you?" B.A. asked angrily.

Maggie patted him one of his broad shoulders. "I'm afraid Mark doesn't have a choice. It's either that or we risk him getting very sick…and as it is he is far from well."

Hannibal rubbed a shaky hand across the stubble on his chin. "When?"

"I really want to operate as soon as possible. Why don't you and B.A. go back in and the four of you spend the next hour together while Maggie and I get prepared." Mark looked at his watch. "Let's say around 7:00?"

"What we gonna tell, Faceman? He can't take much more of this…nobody can."

"I would go in and tell him right away," Maggie suggested. "The sooner he knows, the more time he will have to prepare himself."

But they all knew inside that there was nothing that could prepare a human being for the pain he was shortly going to endure.

When Hannibal and B.A. entered Face's room, they found his eyes shut, but from the way he was gritting his teeth they knew he was awake.

"How's he doing, Murdock?" Hannibal asked.

Murdock shrugged his shoulders not completely sure. "He's breathing much easier and he seems to be aware of where we are and what is going on. But he's hurting real bad."

Hannibal walked over to Face and wiped some sweaty hair away from his forehead. "Hey, kid. Mark found out what is causing you so much pain."

"What?" he asked weakly.

"Another abscess…and it's a pretty large one this time."

Face began to tremble even more than he had been moments earlier as fear was added to the pain. "He…he's gonna…have to…to drain it…right?"

"I'm afraid so, son."

Face opened his eyes and looked at the three men by his side. They hadn't left him and were standing there looking at him with as much fear in their eyes as he felt in his heart. He had been so out of it before that he hadn't realized that they too were suffering. He needed to do something to ease their minds a little bit while he still had his wits about him.

"You three…look like crap," he smiled. "When I get better, I'm going…to personally…take each of you for a…a…full make over."

"It's a deal, man," B.A. said. "But don't go tryin' to make me get rid of my gold."

"Yeah, and my jacket stays," Murdock added.

Hannibal grinned widely. "You get well, kid, and I'll wear a dress if you ask me to."

Face chuckled then groaned at the pain it caused. He took a minute to compose himself before retorting, "I'm going…to hold…you to that…colonel."


	52. Chapter 52

Chapter 52:

The hour went too quickly and before they knew it Face was being strapped back down onto the table. He seemed to be handling it well, especially knowing what lie ahead. It wasn't until Mark was placing his legs up onto the stirrups that the fear really began to kick in, but he did his best to hide it.

Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. stayed in the room at Face's request. He was afraid that the pain would cause him to flashback and he thought that if they were there with him they might be able to prevent it or at least bring him out of it sooner.

"Okay, Face, I'm going to explain everything that I am about to do as we go along so you know where I'll be touching you." Mark had done some thinking before and he realized that for a physical abuse survivor, it was probably traumatic to be touched without feeling any control."

"Face, I'm going to disinfect the incision site," Maggie said. "It may sting some when it makes contact with some of your other wounds." Maggie generously swabbed the whole area between Face's scrotum and anus as well as the underside of his genitals. Face closed his eyes and trembled even more when Maggie's gloved hand made contact with his private parts. He doubted that he could ever be free or joke with Maggie again.

Once that was done, Mark took a deep breath and tried to steel himself. He told Face about what he was going to do first.

"Okay Face, first I'm going to fold the down part of the table away so I'll be sitting between your legs."

"Now Maggie will hold up your genitals so that I have a free view on the operation site. I'm going to open up the old incision. The advantage is that you won't look like a sliced chicken breast when we are done, the disadvantage that it's already partly healed and I have to cut out the stitches and then cut through the healing tissue. Also I need a wider incision this time since the abscess is so much bigger. I'm now removing the old drain."

Mark tugged and Face grunted in pain.

"Now I'm going to cut the stitches." Face was awake and lucid and would stay that way for the entire process, though just a few minutes into the procedure he was already praying for the opposite.

"You are doing real great Face", Maggie encouraged.

"Now I'm going to open you up. After that the pain should lessen considerably since the pressure will be gone."

Face screamed and bucked and tried to get away from the burning fire in his groin in vain as the scalpel hit just healing flesh but he was strapped down tight.

"Damn this cavity is big, Maggie I need more wipes. One of my fingers is completely inserted and I can't feel the end of it." Puss was seeping freely over Mark's gloves. He pressed down and moved and wiggled his fingers inside the cavity but the flow of puss just didn't want to end.

"This is not working. I'm going to make the incision wider."

"No, no please, don't cut me again." Face started to plead as soon as he saw the scalpel.

"Sorry Face. Needs to be."

Face's tears were now flowing freely and he screamed and cried and begged. Mark stayed true to his word and he and Maggie talked to him anytime they made a move.

"Maggie I need you to hold the wound open for me."

"BA, would you hold his genitals for me?"

"Sure, I'm going to touch you now little brother. Remember it's just me."

Maggie was always astonished just how soft BA could be.

"Maggie is now sliding an instrument into your wound that will help us spread it apart and clean you out properly. It will probably feel cold."

It did, but most of all it hurt.

Mark cleaned out the cavity and cursed as he saw that the epithelialization had set in. "Face, sorry I have more bad news. A kind of skin has build inside the cavity. I need to remove it or the cavity will not heal out properly and the abscess can come back again. Maggie, scalpel. I'm going in now."

Face had never in his life felt something comparable to this pain. His throat was raw and his screams hoarse by the time Mark finished. By the time he was done washing out the whole cavity with disinfectant he could only whimper.

"Almost there Face, hang in there a little longer. I'll insert a piece of rubber glove as we did with your foot. Since the drain has not worked I want to keep the entire incision open….. Good, now I'll cover it loosely with gauze….all done Face, you did real good."

When the straps came off he wanted to move but his body wouldn't let him. Instead BA picked him up and carried him back to his bed. He was asleep immediately but the pain would only allow him a very fitful rest.

"How I hate to do this."

"You are helping him Mark, don't forget that. And I'll forever be thankful for your help, even though I hate to see this kid in pain. He's been through enough." Hannibal was sitting by his bedside, listening to the steady beep of the machine.

"I didn't tell you one thing. I'm not too sure this abscess has not penetrated through into his urethra. I want to let him sleep through the night but early tomorrow morning before I return to the hospital I need to remove the Foley catheter and perform another cystoscopy. I brought a portable device to leave here for further use. If it did penetrate I need to insert a stint to cover that part. Also I don't want to replace the Foley but change back to catheterization anytime we need to empty his bladder. It's not good to leave it in for too long. Infection of the bladder is one topic, but if we are dealing with a penetration I even need to check if nothing has moved up to the bladder already. The other problem is that his bladder cannot re-learn how to function well if it's drained all the time. I also want this wound to be washed out with disinfectant twice a day. If I'm not here I want you to assist Maggie. I don't think it's a good idea to let Rick near his groin area if it can be avoided."

Face had a terrible night full of nightmares. In his dreams his past mixed up with the present. The few times he woke up he didn't know where he was or what was happening. When it got very bad he had problems breathing but it let up as the dream passed just to be replaced by the next one.

Early morning came and Mark announced he had to get started. Just as the day prior, they assumed their positions and tried to prepare themselves yet again. They were not prepared for what they were about to witness and it scared them massively.

Face lay on the table seemingly unconscious until Mark began to thread the scope inside of him. At that point his eyes opened wide; they were dull and lifeless and directed straight up at the ceiling. It was as if he was there, but not there.

Hannibal was holding Face's hand when he saw Face wake up. He appeared to be completely out of it and he hoped that meant he wasn't feeling what was taking place. That theory went out the window as tears began to leak from the corners of the unfocused eyes. Face started breathing hard and every once in a while his body would tense or he would shiver. Other than a groan he let escape as the previous day's wound was disinfected, he remained still and quietly focused on the ceiling above.

It was shocking to everyone in the room just how loud silence could be.

Mark began removing the scope slowly and that's when Maggie noticed that Face's coloring wasn't looking too good. She quickly handed a bucket to Hannibal who moved up next to Face's head and turned it slightly as he began to vomit.

Once Face had finished, he turned his attention back above as if nothing had happened. Mark had the device almost out at that point, but as he pulled it completely through, Face's body jerked, he gasped, and went limp.

"What the hell just happened?" Hannibal asked.

"I'm not sure," Maggie responded. "I've never seen anything like it. What did you find, Mark?"

"The abscess has not penetrated through to the urethra. There were no signs of any new strictures or infection."

"That's good, man, real good," B.A. smiled. He had his arm around Murdock who was slightly rocking on his feet.

"Yes, it certainly is," Mark agreed. "I wouldn't worry too much about what you saw from Face today. Yesterday's surgery took a lot out of him. He is plain worn out physically and mentally."

"What can we do?" Murdock asked in small voice.

"What you have been doing," Maggie said. "Just be there."

"Maggie's right. Face is going to have some very painful days ahead especially when we clean his wounds and perform examinations. We need to keep him feeling as safe and comfortable as we can in the times in between. It isn't uncommon for a person with this type of injury to experience an increase in discomfort as he heals."

Hannibal hung his head. "In other words, it's going to get worse before it gets better."

Mark nodded sadly. "But just keep sight of the fact that it will get better."

The thought on everybody's mind, however, was that they had heard that one before. They could only hope that this time it would be true.

The next time Face woke up, he was back in a bed. He thought back to earlier as he felt the catheter penetrate him. He had wanted to scream; it hurt so bad. But he couldn't move…he couldn't utter a sound. He felt as if he were trapped inside of a shell and he was on the inside trying to get out. He had felt everything as the foreign device probed his already brutalized tissues. He was kicking and yelling on the inside for them to stop…the pain was terrible…but all he could do was lay there and suffer in silence.

Face was tired…so very tired. He still felt as if he were on the inside looking out. The guys would talk to him and he could hear them, yet had no strength to respond. They looked frightened and unsure what was wrong with him. He wished he could tell them he was okay and not to worry. But he couldn't. The truth was that he was a bit freaked out himself. Scaring him even more was that the pain wasn't lessening…it only seemed to be intensifying.

Rick returned around noon. After a short talk with Maggie he decided to check in on the patient.

Face was awake, at least his mind and eyes were, and had the guys for company. As soon as Rick entered the room he was gripped by a kind of fear he had not experienced before. Images of Lynch and Matthews along with the rest of the gang in Nam mixed with his current torture. He saw himself being strapped down to the table with his legs in stirrups being brutalized by Lynch while Mark and Maggie stood by in scrubs, ready to assess and repair the damage as soon as Lynch was done. He saw himself in Nam on the jungle floor being pinned down flat on his back by Lynch and his gang while Matthews, in his current age, and Mark were bent over him with scalpels in their hands. He saw how he was being held upright against a tree by two men while one was raping him. From the other side of the tree Matthews was advancing on him with the wire Lynch had used and Mark with the cystoscope. Lynch was grinning at him deciding at who should have a go first.

Hannibal, BA and Murdock saw how Face's body tensed and his eyes darted here and there seeing things only he could see. And then it all happened at once. Face was screaming and kicking on the inside again trying to get out of the grip his current tormentors had on him. He was thrashing his body from side to side when his body jumped. He let out an anguished cry and flew right off the bed landing painfully on the hard floor. Neither of the guys had been prepared for sudden movement and stood dazed for a moment as Face continued to scream and scrambled away from Rick seemingly without taking notice of the others in the room.

Hannibal immediately sent Rick out of the room and crouched down a safe distance away from Face who was still screaming.

"Face, I need you to calm down. Look around, it's only us. Nobody is going to harm you. Calm down kid. Slow deep breaths."

Face saw Lynch advancing on him. He was close, very close and Face was backed into a corner. He couldn't get away. And now Lynch crouched down talking to him. This voice, it didn't sound like him and now the face became blurry. That voice again….Hannibal. Face's vision cleared and he slumped back into a boneless heap.

"Hannibal…oh God…Hannibal."

"It's okay kid, Come here." Hannibal got closer and drew Face into a careful embrace. He could feel him shivering and trembling terribly. Face let himself lean into Hannibal, unable to do anything else, and felt the comfort radiating from the older man. All his composure or rather the little he had, came crushing down and he openly sobbed.

No words were needed. Hannibal simply held Face until the sobbing lessened and BA and Murdock stayed back to provide the space necessary.

"Lynch…Matthews…Mark…so terrible."

"Shhh kid, you are safe, we are here with you. We won't allow any unnecessary pain to be done to you."

"The pain, this morning, it was so terrible …. couldn't move, ….couldn't scream…. don't understand."

"Whatever it was it's over now." Hannibal was trying to calm Face but on the inside he was terrified himself. He never wanted to see those lifeless eyes again.

Eventually Face was maneuvered back to the bed. He seemed to drop off when his eyes opened again. "Matthews, don't trust him…gut feeling says he's bad…do you…do you believe the twin story?"

"Face, Mark said he saw his file."

"Could be false…Lynch could have helped."

"Go to sleep kid. Lynch is not clever enough for that." Hannibal had to admit that Face was usually right with his gut feelings but this time his mind was clouded with pain and memories. At least Hannibal hoped so. He nonetheless made sure Rick was never alone with Face and saw him only when absolutely necessary.

Face slept through to the next morning with very little breaks. When Mark came back late in the afternoon the doctors and Hannibal sat together to talk.

"I did some research today. There's something called sleep paralysis. It fits on all of his symptoms, it's like the body is asleep but the mind is on. But it has never been reported to last for more than a few minutes. I would say he was just utterly exhausted. Like there was only enough energy left for the mind but not for the body in addition."

The next morning came and Face was due to get his wound cleaned out. He found himself being transported back to the examination room when yesterdays images hit him again. He bolted off the gurney and hit the ground running. He had to get away from the people so intent on hurting him.

Face felt like everything was moving in slow motion. His brain was yelling for him to run, but his legs didn't receive that same message. By the time he reached the waiting room he fell to his knees and started crawling toward the door leaving a trail of blood behind him.

They watched Face take off with a mixture of shock and horror.

"Stay here," Hannibal directed at the doctors. "Murdock and B.A. you're with me."

The team followed their teammate down the hall. Face was moving progressively slower; it was like watching a wind-up toy start to wind down.

"Hannibal," B.A. whispered as they slowly crept toward their lieutenant not wanting to startle him. "He bleedin', man."

"Damn," Hannibal cursed. "Murdock, go out the back way and head around to the front in case he somehow manages to get past us." Hannibal doubted he would, but he also wanted to get Murdock out of there so he wouldn't have to see what happened next. It probably wasn't going to be pretty.

"Yes, sir." Murdock saluted before turning back from where they had just come.

Face had stopped crawling and had curled onto his side trying to breathe through the pain. He could see Hannibal and B.A. coming closer. "St…stop…p…please."

"Face, kid, you with us?" Hannibal asked.

"I…I…know…where I…am. S…sorry…sorry…I ran. Scared…" Face gasped out.

"I know you are, son."

"Don't…don't…want to go…back…back…there."

Hannibal got down onto his knees so he was on Face's level, but he didn't move forward. "The doctor's just need to clean your wounds so they don't get infected."

Face shook his head, but stopped as a wave of dizziness hit him. "No…don't wan't…to go…back…back in…time. Can…handle p…pain. Can't…take…memories."

B.A. felt a lump forming in his throat watching the exchange before him. He wanted to go back to that place in time that Face was talking about and pound each and every person that ever put a hand on his brother. But since that wasn't an option, he made a silent vow to channel that anger into never letting another soul abuse him again.

"Do you trust me, Face?" Hannibal asked.

"Of…of course."

"Then trust me to keep you safe. If you go back, I'll be right there to pull you forward." Hannibal noticed that there was a pool of blood forming on the floor next to Face and that he had to move fast.

"Pr…promise?" Face's voice was growing softer and any energy he had left was waning.

"Cross my heart," Hannibal said, drawing an imaginary "x" on his chest.

Face chuckled softly…the blood loss was making him giddy. "Hope I don't die." With those words his eyes shut and he rolled onto his back unconscious.

Hannibal crawled forward as B.A. rushed forward and knelt beside them. "I'm not about to let that happen, kid," he said before yelling for Mark and Maggie.


	53. Chapter 53

Chapter 53:

Together they put the unconscious man back on the gurney and as fast as possible got him to the examination room.

"The wound on his abdomen has reopened and needs cleaning and stitching. He's also bleeding from the incision to the abscess from how it looks. You don't want this belly to ever heel, do you?" Maggie started gathering her supplies after she had made her examination.

"I'm going to stitch him up and you clean out his abscess. That way we can hopefully get everything done before he comes around and safe him the experience for once."

"No, Maggie, wait a minute. I want to do another ultrasound scan before we get started, make sure he hasn't ruptured anything on the inside."

Mark hurried to do so as Maggie worked on stopping the bleeding. "All well on the inside, let's get started."

They soon had him cleaned and re-stitched. The strain from walking had made the inner walls of the abscess bleeding but it was all under control now. At last they used the opportunity to empty his bladder without him feeling it and resettled him in bed.

They were all standing around the unconscious lieutenant now and Maggie was shaking her head. "The wonders of adrenalin and fear. He's too weak to lift his head off the pillow but was able to run and almost made it to the door."

"The new blood loss won't do anything to his overall condition. We have to get him eating more. He needs to gain some strength. Replacing the liquids by IV is one thing but feeding will better be done the normal way. His body needs a lot of energy to heal. And he needs to feel loved and secure. You guys leave all the hurting him to us, I mean if at all possible don't hold him down during exams and cleanings, just provide comfort."

"That's easy for you to say Mark, you are about to leave for the hospital and then I'm the one left to do all the hurting him while I would rather protect him from all pain."

"No, I have two days off. I'll stay here. And by then we will hopefully be done with the cleanings. I'm positive that he'll be able to fight it all without more antibiotics."

"You mean Rick's not coming back for now?" Hannibal was hoping for some relieve for Face.

"No, I told him he can take a break if he wants."

"Good, Face is really spooked by him and his presence is not really helping, at least in the mental department. You said you saw his file, did you notice anything out of the ordinary?"

"No, maybe he took a bit too long to study and still turned out with great results but that can have any number of reasons. Why?"

"Nothing, just Face's gut feeling."

Face woke up at that moment to find five people looking down at him. He felt a moment of panic as he looked around the blurred room until he knew where he was and who he was with. Not to mention, who was missing. He felt sick and ached in a variety of places. "I really need to stop waking up like this," he mumbled.

"Is that any way to greet a good looking group like us?" Hannibal smiled. He had seen the fear in Face's eyes that vanished the moment he realized that Rick Matthews wasn't present. Something had to be done about that…but he wasn't sure what.

Face blinked his eyes a few times trying to clear his vision. "You'd look a whole lot better if there weren't so many of you."

"Seeing double?" Maggie asked.

"I wish…triple."

"Three B.A.s! It's amazing the rest of us can fit in the room," Murdock teased.

"Shut-up, crazy fool!"

Face broke out into a cold sweat as the fifteen beings before him began spinning. He closed his eyes and moaned; the dizziness was atrocious.

"Tell me how you're feeling, Face," Mark said.

Face opened his eyes for a moment, then immediately closed them as the room was still in motion. "Real dizzy."

Mark didn't seem overly concerned. "That's probably from the blood you just donated onto Maggie's floors."

Face bit at his lower lip, his pale cheeks taking on a pink tint. He knew that Mark was just joking, but he was embarrassed just the same. "S…sorry…Mags."

Maggie squeezed his shoulder gently. "Don't even think about it…the floors were due for a good cleaning anyway. And luckily I have just the cleaning crew available to help."

Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. groaned simultaneously bringing a real smile to Face's lips. "I love it when a plan comes…," he stopped short and cradled his still healing hand. "Arg," he cried.

"What is it?" Hannibal asked.

"Dunno," he panted while Mark tried to pry his hands apart to get a better look.

"Hmm…looks a little swollen," the doctor said ignoring the whimpers coming from the bedridden man. "I'm going to want an x-ray to make sure there is nothing structurally wrong."

Once Mark released his hand the pain lessened but had not completely dissipated. Maggie put a straw to his lips and encouraged, "drink, but go slow. We need to get some fluids into you…it will help with the lightheadedness. I'm going to start you on an IV as well."

"I don't need to ask you if you are experiencing any tenderness in your abdominal or groin areas…that's a given." Mark removed his glasses and looked Face in the eye. "But if you notice something feels different or it gets worse, I need you to let me know right away. Understood?"

"Yeah," Face grimaced as another twinge passed through his hand and shot up his arm. 'What now?' he thought.

Once the IV was in place, Maggie set about taking an x-ray of his hand. A few minutes later the team sat and observed their medical friends scrutinizing the results…they looked anything but pleased.

"Maggie, Mark, what's it? Don't tell us he has reinjured his hand." Murdock was anxious to find out and feared more harm was done.

"Hmmm, if you don't want us to tell you, should we write it down for you?" Mark tried to lighten the mood with a little joking although he didn't feel like joking on the inside. Then he went over to the head of the examination table that Face was once again lying on. "Face, I really don't know how you managed it or where you take all your bad luck from. You dislocated your forefinger and middle finger at the knuckles. We have to set it for you."

"Great…should use me….for training…students….females if…if possible."

"At least your libido and humor don't need setting. Since you are comfy here let's get started. Maggie will hold your arm and wrist steady and then I set them." He looked at the other three men silently praying that they wouldn't need to hold him down but could just give support.

Face reached out for Hannibal.

"Ready or not, here we go."

Mark pulled at Face's forefinger while as gently as possible placing his other hand over Face's middle hand an applied some pressure. The bone snapped back in place and Face gritted his teeth against the pain. Then came the second finger. Face had a death grip on Hannibal's hand and his vision went white. He didn't even notice that Mark and Maggie had let go off his hand. When the pain was somewhat bearable and his vision returned he saw Mark was holding the brace he had worn earlier on when his fingers were broken.

"They aren't…aren't broken…right?"

"No, but they need to keep still for a while until you start exercises."

"More exercises?"

"Yes, you are slacking behind as it is. How about you get better and start again?"

"Hey, muchacho, I'm sure between the colonel and Mark you'll end up with an obstacle course for your hand."

By noon Face was settled back into bed and soon asleep. Maggie and Mark left the room while the rest settled in to wait.

After a while Maggie heard a knock. It was Hank and the deputy stopping by to see how Face was doing. They got the news and decided to wait until he woke up. The two doctors and two policemen were chatting quietly outside of Face's room when they heard another knock. Maggie excused herself and went to answer the door; to her surprise there stood Rick Matthews.

"Rick…what…what are you doing here?" Maggie asked. She was instantly uncomfortable as she took in the disheveled appearance of the man before her. He was shifting side to side anxiously and had a wild look in his eyes.

"I came to check on Face," he said.

"He's sleeping…I'm afraid he isn't doing too well. Maybe you should wait until later?" She wanted to get him as far away from Face as possible. She started to close the door. "I'll tell the others you stopped by."

What happened next was a blur. Rick grabbed her and spun her around wrapping one arm around her chest and pointing a gun to her head with the other.

"If you scream, I'll shoot. It would be rude of me if I didn't at least say 'hello'…and possibly 'goodbye' to our patient." He started dragging Maggie through the waiting room and down the hall. As soon as he caught sight of the police men he yelled, "Freeze right where you are or I'll blow our lovely Dr. Sullivan away."

Inside the room, Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. heard the loud voice, but could not make out what was being said. They moved toward the door and Hannibal opened it up to see four sets of hands in the air.

"Hey A-Team…join the party!" Rick sneered. "Get your hands up and step outside. Don't try anything funny."

Murdock and B.A. looked to Hannibal who nodded and raised his arms. This was Maggie he was holding at gunpoint…they weren't going to take any chances. 'Damn,' Hannibal thought, 'looks like the kid was right after all.'

"Now…this is what we are going to do. We are going to all take a trip down to the basement. I have a little private business to attend to with the Lieutenant."

They moved as a group with Rick and Maggie taking the rear. They were just about at the basement door when the deputy spun and made an attempt at grabbing the gun, but Rick was prepared. He kicked out with his leg and swept the charging man's legs out from underneath him. "Tsk, tsk," he scolded. "You're lucky I don't shoot you right now. However, a gunshot might awaken Peck and ruin my surprise."

Once they were all in the basement he forced them inside of a small boiler room. "I'll send somebody to let you out…eventually. But by then it will be too late for you to help your friend. Everything was going fine until he had to open his mouth…" With that Rick slammed the door shut and bolted it closed with an extra heavy deadlock.

They all started looking around for any possible escape, but didn't see anything. B.A. pushed with all his might against the door, but it wouldn't budge even an inch. "Man, there ain't no windows or nothin'. The walls are solid cement. We ain't goin' nowhere."

"Keep looking," Hannibal insisted. "There has to be a way." Unfortunately, they weren't able to find it.


	54. Chapter 54

Chapter 54:

Upstairs Rick crept into Face's room delighted to find that he was still out. He positioned his head so it was inches away from Face's and said loudly, "Wakey, wakey, Peck!"

Face's eyes flew open and he was staring directly into the eyes of Matthews. He scooted back in the bed huddling against the headboard, oblivious to the damage he was doing to his stomach wounds.

"Now, now, Peck. Is that any way to treat an old friend?"

Face couldn't scream or speak he was frozen in fear.

"What's the matter? Cat got your tongue? By the time I'm through with you, I'll take care of that. I'll have you begging me for mercy, just like you did all those years ago."

Face's eyes darted around the room frantically looking for his friends. What had happened to them? He had to try to help them…if it wasn't too late.

Rick grabbed Face by the feet and pulled his body down so he was laying flat. He jumped on top of the injured man and began pulling off the light hospital gown he was wearing. "I'm going to enjoy this. With Lynch I only got to watch. He never let me take you first only after he and the others were through with you. By then you were not even struggling, no fun at all. Only because I was the strongest I had to hold you down all the time. And when I finally had my turn the bastard scraped my cock with the wire he shoved into you, couldn't even wait `til I was done."

Face was trembling in pain and terror. "Why…why?"

Rick laughed an evil laugh. "Because you couldn't let it go. You couldn't just go along with my 'twin' story. I figure it's only a matter of time before they find out the truth and I'll be ruined. And for that, Peck, you are going to pay."

Face shut his eyes as Rick began tying his arms to the bedposts. He wanted to fight, but he was too weak. Rick sensed that too and didn't make much effort in tying him up. He only fixed his good hand and in his perverted lust didn't even check the bonds. Face felt Rick begin to touch his chest and slowly work his way down. Suddenly, he was back in Nam and waiting for the inevitable rape that was going to eat away at his soul little by little.

But Rick made one mistake…a mistake that would cost him dearly. He underestimated Templeton Peck.

"It's a shame your friends couldn't be here to see what a dirty whore you are."

The mention of the others was all it took to bring Face back to the present. 'The guys need me.' His eyes popped open and focused on the enemy at hand. He didn't have to think, just had to react. He tugged and pulled at his bond until his hand came free. His knee connected with Rick's crotch with an audible 'crunch' sending the lunatic over the side of the bed and onto the floor. Face sprung off the bed and grabbed the writhing Matthews by the neck…and he squeezed.

"You ever touch me again…and I'll kill you," he seethed, hands still wrapped tightly around Matthews' neck. "Now where are my friends?"

"F…f…find them….yourself," Rick sputtered out.

Face had enough. He slammed his abuser's head into the floor and tied him to the bed using some surgical tape he found on the table.

Face was kneeling on the ground, breathing hard and in utter agony. But none of that mattered…he had one more job to do. He needed to find the others and make sure they were okay.

He crawled out of the room, once again leaving a trail of blood behind. He had to stop every few seconds to clear his vision and fight down the nausea and dizziness. He was in the hall now and no sign of another living soul. Then he spotted the door to the basement that stood wide open while he had never seen it open before; Maggie always closed it so that nobody would fall down the stairs by accident.

Face inched his way closer to the open door straining to hear a sound from the basement. He didn't have the strength to call out. The thumping in his head made it difficult to hear anything that was outside but he thought he could make out something that sounded like metal being worked on.

In the basement BA was taking Maggie's boiler apart, the only thing in their prison that could prove to be a possible weapon in case the nutcase of a doctor came back. In addition he needed something to vent his anger on. They were locked up while that lunatic did god know what to Face. They were so close and couldn't do a thing. Murdock had gone back to rocking himself, Maggie was in tears and Hannibal had gone silent too. He had a look in his eyes that scared even BA. Initially he had tried to bait the guy into a mistake, had yelled insults at him through the closed door willing him to open it again but it hadn't worked. He had stalked away laughing telling them he would leave the door to the basement open so they could listen in while he had fun with Peck, could hear him scream. And then he turned and did come back and Hannibal got ready by the side of the door to overpower him the moment he came inside. But he never did. He came very close to the door and spoke in a calm voice "You know what Smith, it turns me on so much more to know you are listening in. To know you are all so close. Like in Nam when we took him at the base. Sometimes we were just in the next building to yours but he was a good little whore and never screamed out for you. Always so concerned something could happen to his precious team. He would do anything we asked of him to keep you safe. Always had to hold the little rat in position but never needed to gag him, not with a rag anyway. But of course I also enjoyed the times in the jungle when we could be sure we were alone and make him scream at the top of his lungs." The speech had made Hannibal shut up and put that murderous gleam in his eyes. They had given up getting out on their own. There was no way to break through the walls with the items they could build from the boiler. The door was solid steel with the hinges on the outside, no matter how much they attacked it, it didn't move.

Face was now sure he had heard something which meant two things: he was not too late and he had to get down there. The staircase was steep and walking was not an option. He wiled himself to think, get a solution to the problem. 'Think Peck, think, it's just a staircase. You've had worse enemies. Your family is down there and needs your help.' He tried crawling down backwards but the backwards movement made him too dizzy and he had to stop and return after he had made it just one step down. He decided to unceremoniously sit on his behind and slide down. At least the staircase was straight and if he lost his grip he would hopefully land with his feet first instead of knocking himself out. All his wounds screamed in protest but he finally made it down in one piece and conscious.

He listened again and identified a door down a narrow path to his left to lead to the source of the noises. After a moment to compose himself he crawled over to it and attempted a knock that turned out as a pathetic pad a t the steel door.

"BA stop, did you hear that?"

"I don't want to hear anything that nut is doing."

"No, no, something at the door."

Hannibal, Hank and the Deputy crouched low in front of the door with their ears pressed to the steel. They could make out heavy breathing.

"Face, is that you?"

Hearing Hannibal's voice gave him new strength and he managed to croak out "Han'bal" followed by several coughs.

"Face, kid, thank god. Can you open the door for us?"

"No….key."

By now Maggie was close to the door too. "Face honey, there's a spare key on top of the shelf at the other side."

Face turned and groaned at the sight. The shelf was high, he would have to stand upright and feel around on it for the key. He crawled over and used the shelf to pull himself upright, not an easy task with only one hand to use. He had to cling to it to avoid falling down again.

'Now how do I reach up there without falling to the floor? Feels like we are having a bad earthquake.' He decided to put his bad hand through the legs of the shelf and use the arm for support to get his good hand free. After several attempts he found the key and managed to grab it.

Face let himself slide down again and crawled back over to the door. 'Oh boy, three locks. Now which one is the right one?' After scratching at the door for several times he got lucky and hit the lock. With his last bit of energy he turned the key and let the heavy deadlock fall open before slumping forward and panting heavily.

The inside of the room was dead silent until they heard the 'click' followed by a 'thud'.

"Good, you did real good, kid. Now I need you to move from the door so we can push it open."

'Moving, yeah right. BA can just push me with the door…ahhh wouldn't feel good all naked on this concrete floor. Okay Peck, move.' He mustered a little more energy and pushed himself to the side to fall clear of the door.

Hannibal carefully pushed the door open and the sight that greeted him tore at his heart. Face was laying there naked with blood smeared all over his body, the floor, the door and the shelf. His eyes were opened and filled with pain and fear.

Face took in the people coming from the room. When he had seen everybody was okay his head lolled to the side and he was out.

Everybody sprang in action. The two policemen run upstairs, Maggie and Mark made a quick exam of their patient before BA picked him up to rush to the exam room. Hannibal and Murdock, who had come out of his funk when saw Face needed him, went ahead to make sure all was clear.

Once settled Hannibal stayed with Face while BA and Murdock went to Face's bedroom. There they found Hank and the deputy plus an unconscious Rick who was almost free of his bonds.

"Dude should really be more careful, was almost out of his bonds and then hit his head to the bedpost. We'll get him tied up properly, you can join the others, we'll be with you soon." BA and Murdock smiled their understanding and left the room.

Maggie and Mark were once again stitching Face closed.

"At the rate he's going I'll run out of surgical thread within today."

"How is he Maggie?"

"Weak, very weak. He needs blood and fast."

"Just tell me where and I'll get it mama."

Maggie was writing something down for BA when Face came to.

"How are you feeling kid?"

"Like hit…by a… train." Face told them the summary of what Matthews had said before he was out again.

"You think Lynch knows where we are?" BA dreaded they would have to move Face again.

"No, I think we are safe. From what Face said he hates the others, especially Lynch. And there's only one more guy left, if he survived the rest of the war. Remember Face said four died in that shelling? I don't think he would tip off Lynch and risk being second to have a go at Face again. He had a lot of chances to send the military on us. No, I think we are safe here but we'll increase watch anyway." Which sadly meant less team bonding time with Face, and he needed it dearly. All this had taken another toll on his mental stability.

Mark was looking Face over limb by limb and taking notes in a small spiral notebook.

"You're sure writing a whole lot, doc." Murdock said peeking over his shoulder.

"I'm cataloging any areas of concern I encounter," he replied, still scribbling away.

"That bad?" Hannibal asked furrowing his brow.

Mark stopped and looked up at the concerned faces before him. "I just want to be thorough so Maggie and I can decide the best course of medical action once he is strong enough."

"What does that mean? Did he do that much more damage?" Hannibal felt sick thinking that because he hadn't been quicker to listen to Face's instincts he may have to suffer additional pain.

"I'm actually surprised it isn't worse considering the trauma he endured."

Maggie stood next to Hannibal and rubbed small circles on his back. "What have you found so far?" she questioned.

Mark flipped the notebook back a couple of pages and began running through the highlights...or in this case lowlights. Mostly there were bruises and lacerations with the main areas for alarm being that his foot was swollen around the original puncture side and his stomach was distended and hard to the touch. "There isn't much I can do until we get him that blood. After that I will perform a series of x-rays and ultrasounds."

"He'll be okay, John," Maggie consoled. "I'm amazed that he was able to take down Matthews and then make it all the way down to us. It just proves how strong a person he really is."

Hannibal nodded and smiled but thought on the inside, 'every person has their breaking point, no matter how strong they may appear to be.' The words Matthew's had spoken to him through the door were echoing in his mind. Face had suffered so and said nothing just to protect the team...and Hannibal had failed to protect Face once again.


	55. Chapter 55

Chapter 55:

Face remained deeply unconscious for hours. In that time Matthews was hauled away by the law men, blood and fluids were pumped into his veins, and the house was cleaned to remove any traces of the earlier horrific events.

Face awoke to the sound of his own screaming. He began flailing around in the bed fighting off an imaginary demon while Murdock and B.A. worked to hold him still as Hannibal spoke to him and tried to bring him back.

Upon realizing where he was he began to sob uncontrollably; the reality of what had happened and what could have happened coming to a head. Maggie and Mark excused themselves and allowed the team their privacy. They couldn't help but notice upon exiting that the three men huddled around Face were crying as well. They clung to each other and let it all out. Some of the tears were new and others had a history, but it was a much needed catharsis on all of their parts.

Mark looked back before shutting the door and wondered how many more tears would be shed as a result of the examination he would be performing shortly.

Face's blood pressure had gone up with the blood and fluids pumped into him. It hadn't fallen much after reducing the input to just a normal IV drip so they hoped there were no internal bleeding, or at least no major ones. The two doctors decided to give the team 15 minutes and then start with the examinations.

In the mean time Rick was sitting in the cell of the local sheriff's office waiting to be transported to the main prison after an initial hearing with the judge which wouldn't happen before the next afternoon. He was the only prisoner so Hank, the deputy and he were alone.

"I'll be out of here before you even know it. You don't have any evidence against me and seeing that Peck is a fugitive he won't testify. In fact, why didn't you arrest them? They are the A-Team."

"The A-Team? Hank, did you hear this joker? Took a harder hit to the head than we thought."

"Yeah, that must be it. I mean we were three men plus Maggie and that girl but really, who of us should resemble Baracus? Maybe he mistook me for the handsome Peck…that I could understand."

"What are you talking about? What girl? The A-Team was there."

"Ah, poor guy's memory is totally jostled. Let me repeat to you what happened there today." Hank lost his joking tone as he continued talking. "We went over to Maggie's where we were supposed to meet up with her and Mark for a few beers and a game of cards. Something we do on a regular basis. Only this time she had an unexpected patient there…a young girl of about 22. She was hurt and Maggie found her outside with no ideas where she came from. Girl was traumatized, wouldn't talk. When we all stood outside the patient's room after she had fallen asleep there was a knock on the door. Maggie opened up and you were standing there. She knew you from earlier occasions since you are working with Mark and you said you were looking for your daughter, if we had seen her. When Maggie turned to lead you inside you grabbed her and pointed a gun to her head. Then you had as all go to the basement, resisted an attempt of my deputy here to overpower you and locked us up in the basement. You then proceeded to the girl's room and tried to rape her. Only she was faster, kicked you where it hurts most and tied you up. Then she passed out again. When we were able to free ourselves and came upstairs you had almost undone your bonds and the girl had come to. We came into the room right the moment she slammed your head into the bedpost. Unfortunately she doesn't want to testify, is too afraid of you and of whatever you did to her before Maggie found her but we do have enough other charges against you that will get you behind bars for a really long time."

"But…but..that's not true. You are the police, you can't lie." Rick was near hysterics.

"Not so cocky now, are you? You have four people who witnessed our story against your story."

"But…no…I'll talk, I'll tell Lynch where to find you guys."

"You can't place any call that is not traced and if I get to know that you called him or any other old army buddy of yours I'll spread the rumors that you didn't just attempt to rape that girl but did do so with little kids before. You know what happens to child abusers in prison? There are some really bad guys in there that will never come out anyway. They have nothing to lose. And if Maggie should tell me that you have done some bad damage to that boy I'm also going to have a little chat with some prison inmates. You know that I sometimes take the shift of one of the wardens when he wants to have an evening out with the wife?"

"I didn't do anything, Peck kicked me!"

"You better go along with our story, pal. It could decide over life or death for you. No one's going to believe you anyway. The girl kicked you? Maybe we should call Mark over to look at you, how would you like that?"

"No, no, he's gonna kill me."

"Good boy, you anyway won't need those particular parts of your anatomy where you're going. You'll be at the receiving end this time."

Rick fell quiet and went pale. He didn't have any idea how to get out of his predicament.

In Maggie's house the doctors were on their way back to the examination room where they had left the team alone.

"You know, I can understand why Face thinks he deserves everything that comes his way."

"Mark, how can you say that?"

"No really, I can see where he's coming from. With all the crap coming his way when he was young and the nuns telling him he's a screw up, that's a pretty good foundation. And then look how his life went on. Who would not think that he must be very evil? Especially if you were raised to believe in God and that nothing happens by chance. I mean just think, how high is the probability that you get raped in Nam and meet your tormentor again as a doctor some years later? And then, instead of running that guy tries it again."

"Hmm, he's definitely not one of the lucky ones. Let's get those examinations done and then we know what we are dealing with."

The doctors were relieved to see that Face's coloring looked better and his vitals, while still not back to normal, were in an acceptable range. He had stopped crying and now looked utterly mortified by his outburst. "Sorry…don't know what came over me," he said looking down at his lap."

"Nothing to be sorry about, muchacho."

"Fool's right…and you ain't the only one who lost it. We was all cryin' along with you."

Hannibal took hold of Face's hand. "The doctors saw some things that they want to check out, okay?"

Face nodded. He knew something wasn't right. His foot hurt just about as badly as it had weeks earlier and his belly was on fire.

Maggie began setting up for the ultrasound while Mark placed his hands on Face's abdomen. "I'm going to feel around a bit...I'll be as gentle as possible." As he pressed down Face immediately tensed, but remained quiet. After a couple more minutes of the ministrations, however, he was vibrating from the strain of holding still. "There seems to be some fluid buildup. I'm going to do an ultrasound to see what I can find. I'm afraid that I will need to press quite hard. I'll go as quickly as possible."

Hannibal kept his grip on Face's hand and Murdock moved over to the other side and held onto his shoulder to keep him steady. The wand felt like a knife as it dug deeply into his skin. Face grunted and moaned, his head tossing from side to side. Even after it was done, it took a while before the pain subsided enough for him to listen to the prognosis.

"What did you find, Mark?" Maggie asked anxiously.

"Secondary peritonitis," he answered.

"I'm a gonna buy me a one of them medical dictionaries so I can keep up with Face's problems," B.A. teased, happy when he received a small grin from the patient.

"Peritonitis is an inflammation of the thin membrane that lines the abdominal wall and covers the organs within," Maggie explained.

"Exactly," Mark confirmed. "The inflammation is caused by a bacterial infection of this membrane. There are many causes, but in this case, I'd say it's the result of the less than sterile conditions your open wounds have come into contact with lately."

Face thought about lying on the hard cement floor of the basement and his breathing sped up. The memories flooded back and the walls began closing in on him. There were voices calling his name, but they sounded far away. His stomach was churning and he felt dreadfully nauseous. He started heaving as Matthews' face filled his mind. He retched until he was bringing up nothing but acids.

Face was so far gone that he hadn't noticed Hannibal rolling him onto his side and placing a basin under him. As the flashback subsided, so did the nausea. Hannibal rolled him back as Maggie grabbed a couple of cool cloths…one for his forehead and one to wipe him up with.

"You okay, kid? You with us?"

"Yeah," Face croaked. 'S…s…sorry."

"Don't mention it, Face. I make all my patients sick," Mark joked. "Before we discuss treatment, I want to take a look at that foot of yours." Mark didn't have the heart to tell him that he needed to open up one of the old incisions to drain the fluid and cut out any of the infected tissue.

Face closed his eyes as Mark put on a new pair of rubber gloves. Hannibal and Murdock remained where they were, but B.A. had taken position by his legs and held them firmly. It was a good thing he was there, for the moment Mark started probing the area he would have kicked him clear across the room if he wasn't pinned down.

"Nothing broken, doesn't also seem to be a rupture of ligaments. I need an x ray to be very sure but I would say you have strained several of the muscles around your ankle. The strain pressed the newly healed tissue together so that is where you feel most pain. It's also more painful than a broken bone and takes longer to heal. In addition there seems to be some contortion. My guess is you jumped from the bed and hit your foot on something, or someone in this case. Because the muscles and ligaments have not been used they strain easily. We can expect the whole foot to turn black and blue over the next days but it doesn't actually need any treatment other than rest. It will make exercises painful though, when you start again. Now let's see to your inner values, shall we?"

The lack of response from his patient who was trying hard to keep the pain under control made him sober instantly.

"Face, I want to drain your bladder to see how much urine output you have, it might be reduced. That would explain the fluid in your abdomen. Then I'll have to open one of the smaller incisions again, drain the fluid and remove the infected tissue. Luckily we have found the problem soon and I could locate only one herd and it's also close to the incision from the spleen surgery. Sorry but there's no other way."

Mark and Maggie got started immediately. The catheterization was especially hard on the now semi-conscious Face since it stirred a lot of unwelcome memories. Mark's theory proved as correct, there was only very little urine to be found.

After Face was being prepped Mark reopened the incision which caused Face to scream in terrible pain. The last events really took so much out of him he couldn't stand any more. The fortunate aspect of that was that he passed out right away and was spared from feeling the rest of the procedure.

"What happens next? Why does he get infections so fast? I mean there were only a few hours between getting in touch with the floor and getting infected." Hannibal dreaded the answer but needed to know what they were facing.

"First of all we transfer him to the bed and let him sleep through the night and you all get some rest too. Infection doesn't spread that fast but he had been in contact with the floor before when he bolted from the gurney. I think this would have happened with or without Rick. What I'm rather concerned about is the fluids in his abdomen. If they collect again we have to start him on meds that increase the urine production and drain the liquid that way. I only hope he can cope with that meds and doesn't get another reaction. But we will see in the morning. Now get some rest."

BA took first watch while Hannibal and Mark stayed with Face and the rest went to get some much needed sleep. Soon the room fell silent save for steady beeps of the machines controlling every vital function.

B.A. paced back and forth on the front porch glad to have a little time to himself. He was having a hard time lately feeling comfortable in front of the others. They were good with all this emotional stuff; they knew the right things to say. B.A. felt as if Face would feel more comfortable if he wasn't around. It wasn't like Face said or did anything to make him feel this way, but he knew that the lieutenant tried extra hard to be tough when he was present.

He contemplated hopping in the van and taking off. But then he thought of his mama and how she taught him that 'winners never quit, and quitters never win'. He couldn't quit the team…it just wouldn't be right. They were his family, and he loved them.

Still, he desperately felt as if he needed a break. It was nobody's fault, yet he was beginning to resent Face. And for that he was feeling immensely guilty. 'Faceman done saved your hide more times than you can remember and probably more times that you don't know about,' B.A. thought while still pacing. 'It ain't right you blamin' him.'

But feelings were feelings…and he had no control over them. 'Same as Face had no control over any of this mess.'

B.A. knew he had the next shift with Face before it would be his turn for some sleep. His only hope was that Face would sleep through their time together. Because if he didn't, he wasn't sure what was going to happen. Much as he tried at times, he wasn't one who could hide what he was thinking. To say he wore his emotions on his sleeve…especially the negative ones…would be an understatement. He also wore them all across his face.

And when Murdock came to get him a couple of hours later, it took one quick glance at that face for the pilot to know that something was wrong. He was about to make a witty comment, when the steel set of the big guy's eyes made him reconsider. "How you doing, pal?" he asked.

"Fine."

"A one word reply…and no insult. Those are grounds for panic," Murdock whispered softly to Chuck.

"You say somethin'?" B.A. asked

Murdock took a deep breath unsure if he should say anything. On the exhale, he made the decision to let it go and chalk it up to fatigue. "No, it was nothing. Take good care of Facey." B.A. growled out an inaudible response before pulling open the screen door and leaving Murdock to take over his pace on the porch. "Chuck, I have a bad feeling that B.A. is about to live up to his name."

Mark and Hannibal left the room to get some sleep when BA and Maggie took over. Face was still deeply asleep and that was the only argument that convinced Hannibal to go.

"BA you can sleep in a chair if you want to, I'll wake you if I need you."

"Thanks." BA sunk down in the chair and closed his eyes, however, his earlier thoughts wouldn't let him fall asleep and he was getting more aggravated by the minute.

After about 30 minutes Face started to toss his head and moan weakly. As he surfaced more the moans got louder and turned into groans. Maggie decided to best let him wake up on his own but when he started muttering "no" and "leave me alone" it was clear that he was not only in pain but caught in a nightmare. She went to the head of the bed and stroked his cheeks and forehead, gently whispering that everything was alright.

"Shh, it's just a dream Face, you are safe, wake up."

But Face was too far gone to hear her. Instead he tried to get away from her touch thinking she was the attacker.

"BA, I need you here, we have to…"

"Man, wake up already. How many times do you need to be told you's sleeping. How are others supposed to sleep with all them moans and grunts."

Maggie was rendered speechless. She was just about to tell BA to gently coax Face to awareness and make sure he doesn't bolt again when BA all but screamed at the younger man.

Face was awake in an instant and frantically looking around.

"We at Maggie's. Same room you've been seeing for days. Get a grip man."

"S…s…sorry."

Face relaxed visibly when he took notice of his surroundings.

Maggie shot BA a warning glare before turning her attention to Face. "How are you feeling?"

"Hurts." One look at BA's face made him add "but…it's alright…really." Then he closed his eyes and tried to be as quiet as possible. He had heard BA saying something about not being able to sleep and didn't want to disturb him more. Having BA angry with you was never a good thing, especially not when you were not in the position to run. But his mouth was so dry and his throat ached. He opened his eyes again and locked eyes with Maggie.

"Water?"

Maggie was at his side with a cup and straw in seconds. "Here, take some sips."

BA mumbled "Who needs to drink in the middle of the night." While sinking back in his chair.

"BA, you can wait outside. I'll call you when I need you." She was about to tear into him but decided it would be bad for Face. But delayed was not canceled.

The moment the door shut behind BA, Face closed his eyes and let out a shuddering breath. "Hurts bad….wearing all of you…out. Don't…get enough….rest."

"Are you implying I'm an old woman and need more rest?" Maggie was smiling at him, trying to take his mind of the pain.

"Look a bit…worn."

"Thanks a thousand….brat. Your commanding officer seems to still enjoy the view."

"Just because….aaahhhh" the stabbing pain made him forget about the topic.

"You just have to survive the night and tomorrow without further complications. Mark and I decided that if you don't need any other meds we can risk to give you a mild sedative for tomorrow night. Hopefully your respiration system will take it without problems this time."

"No, don't want to." The thought of not being able to breathe well was worse than the pain.

"We'll see about that tomorrow. Now see if you can get some more rest."

Outside BA was kicking himself. How could he have let this happen? Now what? Stay away from Face and make him feel as if he did something wrong? No way, he had done enough damage already. He had never been one for words but what had to be done had to be done. BA gave himself five minutes to calm down and then went back inside.

Before Face got a chance to think and stop himself from making noises or even pretend to be asleep BA started talking.

"Faceman I want to apologize, I've been an idiot. You can make all the noises you need and if you need something just say it. We are here to help you and not to sleep. You are sick and you have done a lot for us in the last days and ever since we met and …and we can't, ….I can't ….oh I don't even know how to say it. I've been a jerk, Faceman! Please forget what I said earlier on and if I ever say something like that again ask whoever is close to pound me."

"It's okay BA."

"No, it's not. I was mean to you. It's just, being so helpless grates on my nerves. When…when we were in the basement and I couldn't protect you….you mean a lot to me."

Face blushed at that "I know. It all ….grates on my nerves…. can see where you ….come from.

"You blush, meaning there's some blood left in you. Maggie, if he doesn't need you right now you can get some rest in that chair. I'll be here for him and wake you if you are needed."

"Alright. I need to sleep so I don't look so worn, I get the message." With a smile she sunk down in the soft chair that was occupied by BA earlier on. She too didn't sleep but listened to BA and Face talking.

"Close your eyes Faceman, I'm right here if you need something."

"Can't sleep anymore….been sleeping all day."

"Want some more water?" A nod and BA was holding the straw to his lips. "You comfortable? Want another pillow?"

"M'alright."

"Oh man, if mama knew what a jerk I was to you she would have ma hide."

"Won't tell."

"Thanks man."

"Miss her?" it was more of a statement than a question.

"I sure do. Would love to see her more often but I know it can't be. One day though, we'll be together again for every family celebration, and with my big family that means about every other weekend. Ah, sorry Face, I'm really not thinking today. I know family isn't your favorite topic."

"It is…now I have one."

"Yeah, you're right. And that means you are part of my family including my mama and all my cousins and uncles and aunts. You need to come along to all them celebrations and you better don't leave any out, they'll be angry with you."

"When I'm better….I'll sca…organize…a cabin for you….and mama….to vacate…long vacation…can't take jobs for a while….not with me anyway."

"That's a great idea. You did so before and I'm not even sure I thanked you enough. Without you I wouldn't get to see her as often as I do."

Face's eyes were drifting shut again and BA sat there holding his hand until he was fast asleep. It was really a good idea. BA decided to talk to Hannibal. Maybe when Face was better and didn't need Maggie again they could all go to a cabin and bring mama there. Face could recuperate while she cooked for them all and pampered Face. He sure needed a better food than what the fool was cooking. Whit that idea in his mind BA let his head rest on Face's bed and fell asleep too.


	56. Chapter 56

Chapter 56:

Later, when Murdock came to take over, Maggie sent BA back to bed. The healing of the team had started and she canceled BA's lecture while she was watching over the sleeping men.

It wasn't a nightmare that brought Face around the next time, it was extreme pain. His stomach hurt with every inhale, so he started to take shallow breaths. As a result he was feeling increasingly more lightheaded and nauseous. His leg was throbbing it seemed from the knee down. And as predicted, his ankle was severely bruised and looked twice the normal size.

He kept his eyes screwed tightly closed trying to get a handle on the pain without disturbing whoever was there with him. He was guessing it was Murdock from the feel of the hand he was holding. It was crazy to think that he could tell each of his friends by touch, but it just went to show how often he had grabbed onto them lately. A sudden shooting pain shot up his leg and he couldn't help but squeeze the fingers with all his might.

"Hey, buddy, you okay?" Murdock asked. He hadn't even realized Face was awake.

Face didn't respond…he couldn't do anything but continue taking those shallow breaths.

"I'm going to get Maggie…hang tight." It killed Murdock to have to let go of the hand that so desperately clung to his own, but he could tell that something was wrong. He ran down the hall to where Maggie was trying to catch up on some laundry. "Maggie, Face is awake. He's hurting real bad."

Maggie wasted no time following Murdock back. Face's eyes were still closed and he was almost at the point of hyperventilating. "Face, where does it hurt?" Face still couldn't talk, but he opened his eyes and pointed to his foot followed by his belly. "Okay, I'm going to take a quick look. Try to slow your breathing for me, okay?"

Face tried to breathe deeply, but that only exacerbated the pain. So he settled for panting as Maggie pressed gently on his abdomen and ankle to feel for fluid retention. "Everything feels okay in your midsection…there is less rigidity and no additional swelling. Of course, Mark will double check it with an ultrasound later to be sure. Your foot, however, is grossly enlarged. Murdock, grab me that pillow, would ya?"

Murdock gladly complied. "What do you think it is?" he asked, voicing the question he knew that Face couldn't.

"I'm not sure, but it could just be a result of the injury. Let's elevate the limb…if that doesn't work we may need to drain some fluid so you can get some relief from the pressure."

Face saw white as Maggie carefully lifted his leg allowing Murdock to place the pillow underneath. "Ugh," he moaned.

Maggie checked his vitals and smiled. "I know it hurts, honey, but you're doing okay. It's just the healing process kicking in." Maggie was hoping that what she was saying was true, but they would have to wait and see as the day progressed. "I'm going to give you some oxygen to help you breathe easier."

The oxygen did help and soon the pain seemed to lessen as well…or at least he had adapted to it. He was just about to drop off when the door burst open and Hannibal charged in. "Amy just called. She got a report over the wire that the military is headed this way. We have to move…now."

"But how?" Maggie asked.

"Matthews?" Murdock suggested.

Hannibal shrugged. "Could be he told somebody we were here." He looked at Face who was wearing the mask over his mouth and had a practically purple ankle resting on a pillow. "How is he?"

It was Maggie's turn to shrug. "He's not feeling too good, but he's hanging tough."

Face removed the oxygen and croaked, "Whatever you need to do to get out of here do it…I'll be fine. If I slow you down, leave me. Better one of us gets caught than all."

Hannibal looked him in the eye and said, "We're in this together, kid. We're all going to get out of this just fine. Got it?"

Face nodded. "Got it."

"Good. Murdock go help B.A. load the van. Mark is packing up some medical supplies. Maggie, you and I get the pleasure of escorting the lieutenant."

The next fifteen minutes would prove to be anything but a pleasure. They started transferring Face onto a gurney, but stopped as he cried out as pain wracked his midsection. "Don't…don't st…stop. I'm…okay…ig…ignore…me. Gotta…keep…go…going."

They followed Face's instructions and pushed ahead trying to block out the whimpers that they knew he was trying to hold back and the tears that were streaking his pale cheeks. Once at the van B.A. helped load him onto the makeshift bed in the back.

"Mark, isn't there anything we can give him to make him sleep? This is going to be hell on him."

"I'm sorry, Hannibal. There is nothing I'd like more, but if he reacts badly to the medication while on the road there won't be anything I can do."

Hannibal nodded sadly. There was always the hope that he would go out on his own. Unfortunately, Face's body had other plans and he would feel every bump and pothole ahead of them.

Mark was riding along with them while Maggie stayed behind to meet the military and confirm the story Hank had conjured together and that no A-Team had been there. 'Wasn't that the guys mentioned in the newspaper from time to time?' she would ask.

They had gone a good distance when BA asked the question that was on everybody's mind. "Where we going man?"

"We have to stop soon but really I don't know where. A motel is not really an option. Face's screams will draw too much attention. But I don't also want us to be far from a hospital just in case. Maybe we just have to camp in the van for a day or two." Hannibal had better plans before but nothing came to his mind.

"We can't camp out in the van with the condition Face is in. He needs is a quiet, well ventilated and unmoving place to lie down."

"Mark's right. What about your clinic?"

"No BA, if it was Matthews that tipped of the military then he will have mentioned me too and he knows all the places I'm working or having contacts. He was a close colleague if not to say a friend. I still shudder at the thought that I let him do surgery on Face."

Murdock was hunkering over a map of the area. "Colonel, look at this. Looks like secluded cabins that are still close enough to the town. Maximum 10 minutes and the hospital is also at the right side of town. And we aren't far…my guess would be 30 minutes from here if we keep a slow pace."

"Murdock you are brilliant. We go there. BA, I'll direct you, the rest of you keep praying that at least one is unoccupied. Face, just hang in there a little longer kid."

It didn't take long for them to reach the place. Hannibal donned a disguise to minimize the risk of being spotted and they soon had the cabin that was a bit secluded from the others and closer to the road. Perfect to make a fast exit if needed and for Face to scream without being overheard.

"The place will do for the mean time. Let's get Face inside and set up. Last move kid, you're almost there."

Face was panting and wheezing and drenched in sweat. The ride had done nothing to help his leg and his midsection was on fire. When they lifted him on the stretcher to be taken inside he was only able to whimper while he was screaming on the inside.

"Okay, careful. Raise him a little with pillows under the back to help his breathing, Murdock place a pillow under his leg. Good. Now give me some space to check him over properly."

Face heard Mark talking but it felt like far away. Now that he was laying still the pain got a little better and gave way to exhaustion. He soon drifted off.

Mark came out of the bedroom some time later to meet an anxious Murdock and BA. "How is he?" was their simultaneous question.

"The two of you speaking the same thing at the same time…should I check you over?"

"Doc?"

"He's alright, considering. I started him on an IV to get some liquids inside and placed an oxygen mask to help breathing. His leg looks badly swollen and the stitches on his stomach look angry red from all the jostling around. He has a slightly elevated temperature but that was to be expected. All in all I'm satisfied, could have been much worse after that ride. I may have to drain some liquid from the bruises around the ankle to ease the pressure later on. He's sleeping now. Where's Hannibal?"

"Outside…phone in the van rang."

Hannibal returned some minutes later.

"Who was it?"

"Maggie, the military hit just 15 minutes after we left. We were damn lucky. Matthews talked to the prison warden. He wanted to make a deal to keep him away from the other prisoners in exchange for information about the A-Team. Now that there was no trace of the A-Team his deal won't work. In fact, the warden will feel like a fool and probably will make sure Matthews is going to meet just the right guys. I almost pity him a little, but only almost. Hank and Maggie repeated their story and the military asked around in town. Turned out nobody in the whole town has ever spotted a single member of the A-Team in Bad Rock. She said they left about two hours after they arrived."

"That sure was soon. It's just noon."

"Yeah man, good to know we have a safe hold."

"That it is, BA, but I don't want to go back there for a while if not necessary…which doesn't mean Maggie can't join us."

"He didn't contact Lynch then."

"No, Murdock, he didn't. But we have to keep track of the guy. He's lunatic enough to try again once he comes out. What about you Mark? Won't they miss you when they check your place?"

"Nahh, I'm officially on holiday. After Rick was arrested I put in a two week leave from my hospital duties and had my head nurse put a signboard to our door that the clinic is closed. I said that I need time to compose myself after it turned out that one of the workmates I valued is such a monster. Nobody will miss me for the next two weeks."

"Good, then you're officially invited to spend your vacation with us. Not that we were selfish or anything like that." Hannibal already started feeling better.

Face, however, was only feeling worse when he woke up in the unfamiliar cabin. Hannibal sat asleep next to his bed on a chair. But Face didn't see the man he considered to be his father…instead he saw Lynch. He pulled off the oxygen mask and forced himself into a sitting position ignoring his body's protests and the accompanying dizziness. 'I'm going to kill the sick bastard,' he thought as the rage continued to build.

Face quietly swung his legs over the side so he was directly in front of what he thought was Lynch. He took a breath and leapt from the bed, landing on his bad ankle and ripping out his IV in the process. But Face felt no pain and was oblivious to the blood that was gushing from the hole he tore in his arm.

Hannibal woke with a start as he heard something hit the floor followed almost immediately by hands wrapping around his neck. Face was looking him straight in the eye as he squeezed.

"I hate you," he spat tightening his grip. "I hate you…" Face's voice trailed off as he recognized the eyes he was staring at. They didn't belong to Lynch…they belonged to…"Hannibal," he said in horror.

Hannibal was starting to feel dizzy and disoriented. He needed to get his attacker off of him and fast. He heard Face say, "I hate you…Hannibal," and he snapped. He took hold of the hands around his neck and pried them off of him. He pushed Face backward onto the bed and sat in his chair gasping.

Face hit the bed and curled into a ball. In addition to the physical pain, he was torn apart knowing that he had just tried to kill Hannibal. 'What have I done?' he thought. 'What have I done?'

Hannibal glared at the unmoving figure before him. Face had called him by name…had said 'I hate you, Hannibal'. That meant that he was aware of who it was he was choking. He wasn't having a nightmare as his eyes were wide awake and he wasn't thinking that he was trying to kill an enemy. 'He was trying to kill me,' Hannibal thought. Shock gave way to anger fueled by the adrenaline that was still coursing through his veins.

Murdock, B.A. and Mark had heard a commotion from the bedroom, but the sight that greeted them as they rushed into the room was startling. As soon as the trio entered the room Hannibal stood and headed for the door without saying a word.

"Han…bal," Face groaned.

Hannibal turned around before leaving and said coldly, "That's Colonel Smith to you."

Mark directed his attention to Face's arm first as he was still losing blood at a steady rate. He grabbed a clean cloth and directed, "Murdock, apply pressure to the wound. B.A. help me get him onto his back." Face didn't put up a fight as they eased him back against the pillows, but the pain was terrible. "Face, what happened?"

"I…I…tried...to…to…," he couldn't say the words.

"It's okay, buddy," Murdock soothed. "Whatever it is, it's okay."

Face was turning paler by the moment from blood loss and the realization of what he had done. "No…no…s'not. Tried…to…to…kill…him."

"You what?" B.A. exclaimed louder than he had intended.

Face startled and tried to coil back up again, but was stopped by the others. "Thought…he…he…was…Lynch. Swear…never…never…would hurt…Hannibal. It was…aw…awful. I was…choking…Lynch and…then he…turned into…into Hannibal."

"Oh no," Murdock muttered. "I need to talk to the colonel."

"Go," Mark said. "B.A. and I can take care of Face." Once Murdock was gone, Mark tried to calm down his patient. "Face…listen to me…you were hallucinating. It's not your fault."

"Hannibal will understand, man," B.A. added. "You'll see."

Face didn't look convinced, but he hoped they were right. Because if they weren't he literally choked the life out of the best thing that ever happened to him.

Murdock found Hannibal outside smoking a cigar. "Save your breath, Captain. I'm not in the mood for any more excuses."

"Colonel, all due respect, but aren't you being kind of harsh?"

"Lieutenant Peck tried to kill me a few minutes ago…I don't think I'm being harsh enough."

Murdock hitched his thumbs into his pockets nervously. "You don't understand…"

Hannibal cut him off. "He looked my straight in the eye and said, 'I hate you, Hannibal'. What more do I need to know?"

Murdock could feel his blood pressure rising. "First of all, this is Face we are talking about. Let's drop the military formalities. You know…Face…the man who has been nothing but loyal to you for more than a decade and who has been extremely ill of late."

Hannibal looked as if he might falter from his position, but then said, "I know who he is, but that doesn't change the fact that…"

It was Murdock who cut Hannibal off this time. "It doesn't change the fact that he thought you were Lynch."

Hannibal dropped his cigar to the ground. "What?"

"He was looking at you and saw Lynch."

"But…but…he knew who I was," Hannibal said in a low, confused voice.

"Maybe later on, but not at first."

"Oh no…what have I done?" Hannibal started for the door.

Murdock was right at his heels. "I bet you that Face is thinking the same thing right at this very moment."

"I should have known; I would never have been able to pry his hands off me that easily if he had been determined."

They both rushed into the cabin and found Mark still busy examining a sweaty and pale Face who had his eyes shut tightly.

"Face, look at me please. Oh God, kid."

"Han…Colonel Smith…I'm so sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for kid. You just took me by surprise…I should have known…I'm so sorry."

"I…I'm dangerous."

"Yeah, that you are, and we know it. I should know better than to fall asleep on watch, don't you think? I'm sorry, kid. Mark, how is he doing?"

"He's in pain and has lost quite some blood, again. I hope we can fix it with an IV. If he needs blood I have to get it from somewhere and give away where I am should the military check. That or I have to drive over to the hospital and get it from there but it's far from where we are and I don't want to leave him alone now. Sending one of you is also not an option. The good news is there's no new damage to the foot and abdomen, only a lot of pain."

"Murdock can go, he's not wanted. Worst thing can be for him to be sent to the VA."

"Which would still leave us without blood. Anyway, I need all of you around. I'll grant him a little recovery time but then the abscess needs cleaning and so do the wounds on his abdomen. Since we don't have an examination table with stirrups two of you will have to hold up his legs while one holds him down, unless you can construct something. After that we'll see if we need blood."

Face was in a world of pain and painful memories. Although he had heard every word the upcoming procedure didn't strike him as so terrible compared to what he was remembering.

"Face, you heard me. 15 minutes to recover from the pain and then we get started."

"Okay."

Just 'okay', no witty comment, no complaint or even a groan. Face's mind was clearly preoccupied with something else. Mark left and motioned for BA and Murdock to do the same. He stayed back.

"Kid, what's on your mind?"

"Huh?"

"If it's about earlier on, just forget it. It wasn't your fault and I shouldn't have reacted like I did."

"No….it's just….just….I don't know why this memory comes now, haven' thought about it in ages." The quiet voice showed just how weak Face was but at least he had his breathing under control now and the pain seemed bearable.

"What memory? You had a chance to kill Lynch before?"

"No…well…maybe…but I didn't because he threatened to drag you guys down and because he was awake, unlike you. I wouldn't have had a chance."

"What happened?"

Face closed his eyes trying to shut out the pictures but he couldn't. He then looked at the ceiling. "He and his men, after they…..you know….after…."

"After they raped you?"

"Yeah, that. They had been brutal. Got me in the jungle. I was coming back from a supply run and was alone. They attacked and made me drive my Jeep of the road. Then they dragged me into the jungle and r….r….did it. Afterwards Lynch came to inspect me and saw all the cuts and bruises. He told his men to beat me more and the next thing I remember I woke up in a med tent and Lynch was sitting next to me, playing the concerned colonel who found me after the VC had badly beaten me. He rescued me just in time before being dragged away to be their POW."

"I remember that time. We were out on a mission without you, you were recuperating from something. We came back to find you in the med tent and were told you had a bad run in with the VC two days prior. Why didn't the doctors see you were raped?"

"Bastards cleaned me and nobody had a reason to check. I so wanted to kill him right then and there but he told me if I so much as moved he would call the doctors and have them do a rape test. He would then blame it on you saying you were spotted on the same road. And today, when I woke up, I saw him sitting there all over again but asleep and I saw my chance."

"Oh kid, I'm sorry. But how could we have been spotted at the same road while being miles away in the jungle?"

"I also thought of that but I didn't wanna take chances and he still had that picture and…."

Before they knew it Mark was back announcing it was time to get started. He was followed by B.A. and Murdock who were carrying a wooden table from the cabin's living room. "B.A. had the idea of cleaning and using this table. This way I can position a lamp at the end to allow me to see better. B.A., would you do the honors?"

B.A. moved to pick up Face, but Hannibal stopped him. "I'll get him," he said easily scooping the too thin lieutenant up into his arms. He wanted to ensure that Face knew he harbored no ill will about what happened earlier and that he would always be there to carry him in times of trouble.

Hannibal could feel Face trembling in fear of what he knew was coming. "Don't worry, kid," he whispered in his ear. "I'll be with you every step of the way." Face lay his head against his colonel's chest in response and Hannibal held him a few extra seconds before carefully lowering him onto the hard, but sterile, surface.

Mark directed the men to scoot Face down on the table so that his legs hung directly off the end. B.A. and Murdock each took a leg and held it up in the air while Hannibal was stationed at the opposite end of the table behind Face's head.

Hannibal leaned forward so that he could hold Face's shoulders down. "Just keep your eyes on me, kid."

Mark turned on the floor lamp and sat on a stool that he had pulled up between Face's suspended lower half. "Just like last time, I will tell you what I'm going to do before I do it. I'm going to start by removing the gauze and the rubber glove finger that has been keeping the wound open. You may feel some pressure as I pull."

Face tensed and inhaled sharply as he felt the rubber slide out. It hurt, but it was bearable. Mark frowned as greenish-yellow puss began seeping out as well. "Now I'm going to insert a pair of tweezers to hold the incision open so I can get a better view inside."

"Argh!" Face cried as the raw skin was stretched open.

Hannibal smiled down at him reassuringly. "Just breathe, Face…keep breathing."

Mark saw what looked to be three puss filled pockets of infection, but in order to get to them he would need to make some more room. He reached for his scalpel, meeting Hannibal's eyes as he did so. Hannibal took the hint and put a bit more pressure onto Face's shoulders. "I need to make the incision a little longer to gain better access inside. After that I'm going to incise and drain some areas of infection. I'll go as fast as I can, but I need to be thorough so we aren't repeating the same process again tomorrow. Get ready," he said before making the cut. "Here we go."

Face gasped and tossed his head from side to side as blade sliced through already inflamed tissue. "Look at me, kid," Hannibal ordered. Face complied, and his pain filled eyes once again made eye contact. "Good…you're doing real good."

Murdock and B.A. were sweating profusely by the end of the fifteen minutes it took to complete the next steps. Face had started kicking wildly and it took all of their strength to hold his legs still. It was especially hard on Murdock, who was half the size of his counterpart on the other side. They tried to block out the animalistic grunts coming from their friend as Mark repeatedly cut and probed the pockets…digging deeper and deeper to remove all signs of infectious material. Murdock started reciting the alphabet backwards in his head while B.A. was focused on a large raised scar on the outer upper thigh of the limb he was charged with controlling.

When Mark was convinced he had done all that he could, he pushed back his stool and began preparing the disinfectant solution to clean out the deep cavity. He allowed Face a few moments to bring down the pain and get his breathing under control before explaining what he was going to do. "I'm going to insert a syringe into the wound filled with disinfectant to wash out the area. This is probably going to be the most uncomfortable part, but it is the last thing we have to do before you can rest. You ready?"

Face was still breathing hard, but he rasped out, " Go…go…for it. I…can…take it."

"I know you can," Mark said feeling tears form in his eyes at the agony he was about to inflict. 'I just wish you didn't have to,' he thought sadly. Once the syringe was inside he ever so slowly pushed on the plunger maneuvering the device around to hit every section.

Face bucked and struggled as it felt like the liquid was burning him on the inside. He once again lost his focus on Hannibal as his vision was blurred by tears and his mind was consumed by the utter torture. He let out a stream of cries for mercy that tore at the heartstrings of all those present in the room. "No…please…stop…please…help me…no…don't…can't take it…stop."

Face was sweating and shaking fiercely by the time Mark had finished inserting a new rubber glove finger and was taping a new loose gauze dressing over the area. Hannibal had moved down and was holding his hand while talking softly to him. "I don't want to move him yet," Mark said. "Let's carefully slide him back and then we can lower his legs."

Once they made Face as comfortable as possible with a pillow under his head and light blanket draped over his lower half to cover up his private areas, Mark wanted to give the team some time alone. "I'll be back in a short while to see how you are doing, Face. Try to get some sleep."

Face wanted nothing more than to fall asleep or even pass out. But every time he would come close to nodding off, a spasm of pain would hit and he would jerk back awake. Finally Face gave up and said weakly, "Please…talk…keep…talking." He needed them to take his mind off of the pain.

They talked for almost an hour straight with Face joining in a bit more as the pain seemed to lessen. They were joking about how Face was going to have more holes in him than Swiss cheese when B.A. innocently asked, "Hey, man, where'd you get that weird scar on your thigh?" Face paled, and looked as if he might be sick. "Oh…I'm sorry…I…forget I asked."

"No…it's…okay," Face said in a shaky voice. "I…try not to think…about it." In fact, it was in a spot he couldn't see unless he purposely looked for it…and he made sure not to. "It's a cursive "L"…for…for.."

"Lynch?" Hannibal asked hoping he wasn't right.

Face nodded. "One time after…he…well…you know…he decided…to 'mark his territory'…or…that was…what he said."

Murdock hung his head. "Oh Facey."

"Carved his…initial…using a similar…wire he…you know. When he….he came…close with it…I…I thought…" Face closed his eyes as the memory hit him. "Wish it…wasn't…there. Bad reminder…never…be free…while it's there."

Hannibal squeezed his hand. "I'm sorry, kid. So sorry."

Face opened his eyes as an idea struck him. "Maybe…maybe Mark…can…remove it?"

Hannibal's stomach dropped at the desperate tone in his voice. He wanted so much to erase any mark of Lynch from Face's body and mind. "I'll ask him…we'll see," was all he could say.

That idea seemed to put Face at ease and he finally fell into a deep sleep.


	57. Chapter 57

Chapter 57:

"I'm going to talk to Mark," Hannibal said to the others. "Maybe there is something he can do. Face will never fully heal knowing what is there." B.A. looked upset and Hannibal knew what the muscle bound man was thinking. "It's not your fault, B.A. This would have surfaced sooner or later. Maybe it's better that it is sooner. We all saw this scar before, his body, especially his back and legs, is so full of scars from various injuries and tortures and we don't know the story behind half of them. One of us was bound to ask the question sometime. Stay with Face…I'll be back."

Mark looked at Hannibal after hearing the story and shook his head. "No…I can't do it."

"Why not, Mark?"

"Look, I understand what you are saying and I'd really like to help, but I'm only here to correct medical issues…not cosmetic."

"Oh, c'mon," Hannibal pleaded. "You know this goes much deeper than cosmetic for him. Can't you do anything?"

Mark rubbed his chin and considered what Hannibal was saying. "Okay…if Face is still stable by tomorrow morning with no further issues, I'll see what I can do."

Hannibal smiled brightly. "Thanks, Mark!"

"I'm not promising anything. From what you say, it's a deep scar and it will be quite painful for me to treat."

"But not as painful as it would be for him to have it on him as a daily reminder."

The day passed uneventfully with Face stable enough that they could forget about going for a blood conserve. The next morning came and after a thorough examination Mark was pleased to say that Face showed no new signs of infection and that his vitals were looking good. He disinfected the wound once again and was hoping Hannibal would forget about their discussion the day prior, but no such luck.

It wasn't Hannibal that reminded him though; it was Face who was still laying at the wooden table and turned hopeful eyes on him. "Mark, did you look at the scar? Can you remove it?"

Sure Mark had seen the scar before; it was kind of impossible not to when treating him in the areas of his body Mark had. However, he didn't want Face to feel bad that the scar was so obvious. And then there was this hopeful tone to his voice, like a little kid who's putting all his trust in one person.

"Okay, raise your leg again and let me see."

To everyone's surprise Face did as he was told all by himself. From where he took the energy to raise his leg high enough for Mark to see the scar that was at the back of his thigh towards the outside of the leg and just under his bottom was a mystery to everybody. It showed just how desperate he was.

"BA, help him hold the leg and bend it a bit to the inside. Raise the other one slightly to take the pressure from the wound." Mark got back to his chair and directed the lamp to the scar to get a good look. After some prodding and probing he removed his glasses and rubbed at his face. He hated to disappoint the young man.

"You can lower your leg now. BA, take him to his bed and then we'll talk about it."

The lieutenant's face fell. He had so hoped to get rid of that mark and now it didn't seem likely. "Can't you do anything? Please."

"I said we'll discuss it when you're comfortable in your bed. I'm not going to do anything right now."

"But…but…I can take it, really."

Hannibal felt the urge to step in. "Face, you heard the doctor. The longer you take to get back to the bed the longer before you get to hear what he wants to tell you."

Face stopped arguing and let BA carry him back to the bed, but the energy that had radiated off him just minutes ago was gone.

"That's better," Mark pulled a chair close to Face's head. "Now don't look as if Christmas was canceled. I didn't say I can't do something…I only said not now. This is a deep scar and creams or peelings won't help. The only thing I can do is to cut it out during surgery and replace it with what is called a z-plastic. It means I'll cut like a zigzag line where the scar is and that will replace it. It won't be bulky because it get's proper treatment while healing. But you need to know that the scar will not go; it will only be replaced by a different, less visible one. The zigzag line is easier for the body to take than a straight one and removes the tension. You'll probably not feel it after some time but it stays visible."

"That's okay. It won't look like an 'L' anymore and that's all that matters. Please do it."

"You will still know where you got it and it's a lot of pain to go through for a scar that doesn't disturb you."

"But it does disturb me and I can handle the pain. If it doesn't look like an 'L' anymore I won't be reminded of it anytime I look and if I can't feel it anymore that will be so much better. Please Mark, cut it off."

"The short line of the L looks worse than the long one, why is that?"

Face turned his eyes to the blanket covering his legs. "I tried to cut it off myself. But with the position it is in, I needed to use a mirror and it bled so much that I felt dizzy and needed to stop. And I only made it bigger rather than to remove it. And then we were on the run and I couldn't risk to injure myself or go for a cosmetic surgery."

"That's what I thought. If you are so desperate to get it off you I'll perform the surgery, but not now. It will be postponed until you can safely be sedated and your body is strong enough to deal with more antibiotics if needed."

"No, please, I can take the pain and if you need to disinfect it every day that's fine. Please get it off of me."

"Face, I'm a doctor. I won't inflict any unnecessary pain on you. This scar has been there for what…12 years? 13 years? A month or two longer won't kill you. When you are strong enough I'll take you back to the clinic that's empty over the weekend and we get it done. I'm not talking of fully recovered here, just strong enough for your body to handle the meds. After that you can continue recovering from all your wounds but you need to know that it will be a setback to all your physical training. With a new wound of that size and in this location you will have a lot of pain. Sitting alone will be uncomfortable for a while and if you have to run, you can imagine."

"A month?"

"I said a month or two and I'm not promising anything here, it all depends on your body. You need to be strong enough to take anesthetics without any risk."

"Face, it's a short time compared to how long it's been there. Come on buddy, cheer up. You're getting rid of it after all." Murdock tried to ease Face's mind a little.

"I know you could take the pain but you have been through enough pain than to add something that can wait. And the major aspect is that every new wound increases the risk that you need to be given antibiotics and your body just can't handle them right now."

"Hmm, okay. It's just….just….I had hoped…you know…to get rid of it sooner. I'll hold you to it…as soon as I can take it."

"Don't worry; I won't go back on my word. Now get some rest, your body can use it. And if I were you I would start eating properly. The stronger you get, the sooner we can get to removing the scar." It was clear blackmail but it had the desired effect. Face closed his eyes mumbling something about breakfast as he drifted off.

Murdock stayed with Face while the rest left the room.

"Mark, thanks. This means a lot to Face and you have just turned him into a class 'A' patient. He will do anything to heal fast, including eating breakfast if I understood him well. And the idea with the clinic is great." Hannibal smiled his thanks to Mark.

"Yeah man, it's always a pain to get the Faceman to eat enough when he's ill. Saved us a lot of trouble this time."

"I'm sure you can think of a number of convincing arguments, BA" Mark laughed.

"Nah, Hannibal always forbid me to pound the food into him."

"I see. I'm going for a walk. I need some fresh air. Face should be asleep for a while."

"Take a radio with you just in case."

When Mark was gone BA turned to Hannibal. "I've done some thinking Hannibal. We are all on edge with this situation and snapping way too easily. What about we get some help in the household department?"

"You want to hire a maid?" Hannibal had a look that was a mixture of puzzlement and amusement.

"Nah. I was thinking that since Face needs time to heal and when he is better and doesn't need a doctor anymore we could bring my mama over to cook for us and to take care of Face. I'm really through with the fools cooking. I mean once we're in a cabin..."

"This cabin is only a temporarily thing BA."

"I know. I'm not talking of here. I checked the map and there's this cabin a client we saved from this youth gang couple of months ago offered is not too far from Maggie. I don't think it's a good idea to go back there just yet and we would still have her close if needed. Face could heal and we could do some training exercises. It's very secluded, 20 minutes to the next town, 40 minutes to Bad Rock. We could go there when Face is up to it."

"Sounds like a plan. Good thinking BA. You already asked your mother?"

BA's scowl vanished behind a big smile. "No, wanted to talk to you first, besides I know the answer."

Face sat on the porch soaking in the morning sun while drinking a cup of coffee. It had been a little over three weeks since they first arrived at the cabin. It wasn't big but okay for the four of them especially after Mark left and he and Maggie only came by to check on Face in intervals. They had decided that since there was no sign of the military they might as well stay put and allow Face to heal. And that is exactly what he did.

Ever since the day Mark promised to remove his scar once he got better, Face felt as if he had a goal to work toward. He had gained some weight back and was religiously doing his physical therapy exercises. It wasn't always easy and it definitely was painful, but he felt physically better than he had in months.

Mentally, he had good and bad days. But lately the good seemed to outnumber the bad and for that he was grateful. Knowing that Mama Baracus would be joining them in a few days only added to his good mood. They were going to head to a previous client's cabin B.A. scouted for them and allow her to baby them a little bit.

Maggie's car came up the driveway and Face stood and waved as she and Mark got out. He walked over to meet them only limping slightly. Both doctors had gone back to their practices and it had been a week since they had been there.

"Hey! Look at you!" Mark smiled. "Last week you were using a cane."

Maggie pulled Face into a hug. "How're you doing, honey?"

Face hugged her back. "Good…real good. But I guess you guys will be the judge of that."

"Well, you look great," Mark said. "It's amazing." He began to sniff. "You know what else is amazing? That smell!"

"Ah," Face laughed. "That would be Murdock cooking breakfast. It may smell good, but one never knows until one sees what is on one's plate."

After what turned out to be a delicious breakfast Murdock and B.A. announced they were going fishing.

"Together?" the rest of the group asked simultaneously.

"Yeah, the Baracan one and I are going to bond," Murdock glowed.

B.A. scowled. "I figured with mama comin' and all I better learn how to get along with the fool."

The real reason they decided to go was to allow Face some privacy while Mark and Maggie examined him. Hannibal asked Face if he needed him in the room, but Face grinned and said, "Thanks, but I think I'll be okay this time."

"I'll be outside if you need me," Hannibal grinned back glad to see Face's confidence beginning to return.

A few minutes later Face lay on the wooden table wearing only a shirt but covered by a sheet from the waist down.

"I'm going to check out your stomach area first," Mark said. The incisions had healed nicely and all that was left were the red lines that would eventually fade with time. "Looks good. I'm going to feel around a bit, okay?"

Face nodded and looked at the ceiling as Mark moved his hands around on his belly. It was still tender when he pressed, but nothing like before.

"Everything feels okay from the outside. There is no swelling or hardness. Let's see how you are doing from the inside, shall we?"

Face immediately blushed. He still couldn't get used to having Maggie present when he was exposed. Maggie saw the look on his face and said, "I need to talk to John about something…do you need me right now Mark?"

Mark, too, understood what Maggie was doing. "No, we'll be fine."

Maggie exited the room and Mark directed Face what he wanted him to do. "Bend your knees up and spread your legs. I'm going to check the wound first and then will insert a scope with a camera attached through the urethra. It will feel like I'm catheterizing you."

"Wonderful," Face groaned.

"I'm sorry, but if all looks well this might be the last time we need to do this. Are you getting along well with the self catheterization?"

Face blushed even more and groaned. He remembered the day Hannibal had sprung that news on him. He had been so overly happy that after a bit over two weeks his bladder had finally decided to function again and had commented that now they can throw this whole load of tubes that Mark had left with them away when the look on Hannibal's face had made him freeze in action. 'What?' 'You are still going to need them.' 'No, I'm not' and then Hannibal had explained to him how the area needed to be expanded and how his chance to heal was only 25 % and what would be done to him if the spot grew tight again. He had been horrified by the thought alone, but the image of an open surgery had made him relent. However evening came and he sat there with the catheter in hand and images of Lynch and his wire appeared and he just couldn't do it. Hannibal had found him in the room like that with tears streaming down his face. Finally Hannibal offered his help which made Face feel terrible but unfortunately was the only way to go. Hannibal had to first do it for him then help him and after close to two weeks he was able to overcome the memories and do it himself.

"Face?" Mark was still waiting for an answer.

"Huh? Oh yeah, it's …umm…it's alright."

"I know there are better things to do but keep in mind that scars do change for about one year so keep it up. Now let's get started."

Face gripped the table tightly and gritted his teeth as Mark performed the procedure. It was painful but was over relatively quickly. Face spent the time wondering how it had felt so terrible the first time when he was severely ill and there was this tight spot to pass. Today's procedure was nothing compared to then. More pain thanks to Lynch. He gasped as Mark removed the device and closed his eyes until the pain died down.

"Everything is healing nicely," Mark beamed. "I wouldn't believe it unless I saw it with my own two eyes. I think I can risk to predict that you are one of the 25 % where the procedure is a success." He helped Face sit up slowly. "I believe I made a promise to you, young man."

Face's eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Yes, if you still want to go through with it…"

"I do!" Face interjected eagerly.

"Then I think we should call in Hannibal and Maggie and arrange it."

Hannibal, Maggie and Face listened while Mark explained what he would be doing in detail. "I'll inject you with a local anesthetic first. I still want to be conservative with any medications as we know how easy you are to have negative reactions. The scar is quite deep, so I can't promise that you won't feel anything. The recovery, also, will be quite uncomfortable."

Face nodded his understanding…he didn't care. He just wanted it gone. He barely heard the rest of what Mark was saying until it got to the point where they discussed when he would do it.

"How does this afternoon sound?"

Face looked at Hannibal with hope in his eyes and Hannibal felt a lump form in his throat at how happy he looked. Hannibal nodded his approval. "Go for it."


	58. Chapter 58

Chapter 58:

They got busy clearing out the cabin and stashed everything in the van. BA and Murdock took the van to the new cabin and were to prepare everything while Hannibal and Face went with the doctors in Maggie's car.

A few hours later they entered Mark's clinic yet again, this time Face on his own two feet.

It was Saturday afternoon already and Mark didn't want to waste any time knowing they would have to leave the place by latest Monday morning. He hoped to be gone far sooner but wanted some extra time in case Face needed more care.

Face was positioned on his side, slightly leaning to the front, and was fixed with straps like that. Lying on his stomach was still not the best idea and this way Mark had the best view on the area to work on. The local anesthetic worked and Face felt fine…that is until Mark got to the deeper regions of the scar tissue.

"Damn, this goes deep, didn't look like that on the ultra sound. Face, everything okay?"

Face was by now gritting his teeth against the pain but was determined to go through with it. He wanted that darn scar gone by all means. However, he wasn't able to answer the question. That tipped off Mark.

"Maggie, prepare another shot for me. I want to inject him directly inside the wound before I continue cutting."

"Do you want to risk such a high dosage?"

"He's holding up fine so far and I don't want to inflict too much pain if I can help it. Maybe we have to do only half today and continue another time."

Hearing this Face found his voice. "No…do it all. …..Please."

"Maggie?" She handed him the syringe with more anesthetics and Mark proceeded to inject Face.

Face felt the syringe inside the wound and screamed out when the liquid was pressed into tender flesh but it was soon numbing and although he felt every cut Mark made the pain was bearable. It felt like ages until Mark made the next announcement. "I'm done cutting the lower short stroke of the scar. I'm now going to stitch it up before I go on to the long stroke."

Face felt like crying. Only the short stroke was done and it had taken so long. At least he felt like it took long and he could feel every cut. But he so wanted the mark gone; he would do anything for them to finish.

Soon Mark was done stitching up. "I would really prefer to end here for now. If I go on I need to inject you again."

"Please…finish….want it gone."

Mark looked at Hannibal who could only shrug helplessly. He hated to see Face in pain and going through it twice would probably not be better than to live through one long session. And the kid wanted it gone.

"How do you feel, an honest answer. Any dizziness or nausea at all?"

He was feeling like he was definitely not going to walk, maybe sway at best. And his stomach was turning but Mark didn't need to know that. What was a little discomfort against having this scar removed? "No….I'm fine…Hurts some….but bearable."

"Maggie, how are his vitals?"

"A bit irregular, but that can be due to the pain."

"Okay, I'll open it up and then inject inside, like before. Maggie, any change for the worse you alert me, even slight ones. That goes for you too, Face."

Mark did as he said and Face was feeling really sick now. He was glad that he was facing to the side and not up at the doctors or Hannibal or he would have gotten caught. As the scalpel pierced his skin it reminded him of how it felt when Lynch had caused the scar in the first place. Before he had a chance to tell anybody he thought something might be really wrong, he began seeing everything double and had a hard time to fight the nausea down.

This part of the scar turned out to not be as deep as the first one and the cutting ended sooner. Mark was just about to place the first stitched when Face lost the battle with his stomach closely followed by his consciousness. Maggie was now also receiving bad readings for his breath rate and blood pressure.

"Damn, that little shit. He must have felt this coming and didn't say a word. Hannibal come here and press on the wound, we first need to stabilize him. Maggie, help me turn him on his back we need to ease his breathing. How's the pressure?"

"Still dropping."

"The dosage is too high for him." Together the two of them were busy trying to ease his breathing and inject him with more meds to stabilize his vital functions. When things started to look somewhat better, Mark got back to the wound and stitched it up.

Face was now stable but weak. It took him well over four hours to regain consciousness and then only to be sick and pass out again.

"Mark, what do we do now?"

Mark rubbed his palms over his eyes trying to find a solution. Transport him now while he was out or wait for the morning when he may be a bit stronger.

"How long do we drive to the cabin?"

"About two and a half hours."

"Load some more supplies in the car and let's move him while he's out of it. We may draw too much attention in the day if he keeps getting sick like that."

Face came to once during the transport and promptly was sick again. He was also weak like a kitten. When they arrived at the cabin only BA was there; Murdock had gone to fly in Mrs. Baracus. He had left in the afternoon while she took a commercial flight from Chicago to Denver. That way they hoped the military would not be able to trace her before Murdock had whisked her away from the airport, gone to a small airport and flown her to an airstrip outside LA. From there they had a four hour drive to the cabin and were not expected to arrive before afternoon.

"What happened?" B.A. asked as Hannibal carried an unconscious Face into the cabin.

"Face had a bad reaction to the anesthetic," Mark said point blank. He was still upset that Face let it get to this point. "Is there a bed we can lay him down on…I'd need to check him over."

B.A. led the group down the hall into a room equipped with a bed and a long table. "I thought you might need a place to examine Faceman, so I cleaned it up real good."

"What do you think, Mark? Bed or table?" Hannibal asked, his arms growing heavy.

"Let's go with the table. It will provide me better access to the wound. Lay him on his side and hold him steady, please."

Hannibal and B.A. held Face while Maggie took blood pressure and heart rate readings, both of which were too high, but not as bad as before. Face was still donning a surgical gown and Mark lifted the bottom up to reveal the thigh. It looked red and swollen; the ride had obviously not been the best thing for such a fresh injury.

"Damn," B.A. cursed. "That's a lot bigger than I remembered."

Mark nodded. "I had to go past the original area to get it all. It's long and quite deep. Maggie can you prepare an iodine and water solution? I want to bathe the area before I cover it with a very loose gauze wrapping."

"Sure thing," Maggie said.

"What happens now?" Hannibal asked.

"I had originally planned on starting Face on a round of antibiotics and mild pain killers, neither of which is an option given his current state. My hope is that most of the drugs are out of his system so he won't be as violently ill. I doubt there is much of anything left in his system by now, so to combat dehydration we'll start him on an IV to replace some fluids."

Maggie handed Mark the solution and a cloth. "He's going to be hurting really badly when he comes around."

Mark sighed. "I know. My head was telling me to stop halfway through and continue the rest at another time. But my heart made me keep going. He should have said something, but he pushed it too far. As a result, the next week or so will be excruciating for him any time he moves. And we need to watch for signs of infection."

Mark began to douse the incisions with the cleanser and Face began to moan softly. He had heard what Mark had just said and he wanted to explain, but he was having a hard time forming the words. "S…s…sorry. Mind…went back. Felt…like…Lynch. Didn't know…was…in trouble…'til too late."

Any trace of Mark's earlier anger was replaced by sadness. He had lost sight of the circumstances behind which the scar was formed. It only made sense that the procedure would not only be physically painful, but it would be emotionally difficult as well. He couldn't blame him for willingly enduring some extra pain and sickness to be rid of it. "Shh…it's okay, Face," Mark said. "How are you feeling?"

Face kept his eyes closed. The pain was awful; his leg throbbed from knee to hip. But at least the nausea had died down and the room was only swaying instead of twisting and turning. "Is it gone?" he asked weakly instead of answering the question.

"The 'L' is no longer there, if that is what you mean by gone."

Face smiled through the pain. "Then I feel good."

Maggie didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Instead she spoke. "Face, you need to be honest with us."

"I'm…okay. Asked…for this…I'll deal…with it," he said.

Hannibal stroked his arm gently. "All you did was ask for help removing something that should have never been there in the first place. That wasn't your fault, and neither is this."

B.A., who was still helping hold Face still added, "We here for you, man. Does it hurt?"

Face nodded and a sob escape his throat. "Bad…real bad."

"Sorry kid. As BA said we're here for you. Every step of the way."

"Yeah man, even when you're well enough that I don't need to carry you, you can always lean on me." Bending down closer to Face's ear BA added "I may not be good with all the emotional talk but I can always listen."

"For now let's stick to the carrying part…take him to the bed BA. It's still in the middle of the night and we all need some rest."

"You're right Mark. Face, BA and I will lift you and take you to bed. We'll try not to jostle your leg too much. Tell us if we're hurting you, okay?"

"Okay, I'm ready."

Face was sweating and panting by the time they had moved him over. It was only two meters but the movement hurt awful in his weakened state.

"Sorry kid, just squeeze my hand until the pain dies down."

He did just that and eventually the pain did die down, just to be replaced by nausea. He rolled over and retched up a little more bile. Had Hannibal not held him he would have collapsed back onto the bed. The problem was that the new movement had brought back the pain. It took a while until Face had his body under control.

"Try to get some rest. I'll stay with you."

"Thanks Hannibal… I'm just so….so glad that the ….thing's finally gone. I feel better than….than I have in years….mentally that is." He tried to smile a little but failed miserably.

"I prepared for somebody to stay with Face. There's a foldable bunk bed in the corner so you don't need to sleep in a chair. Night you two." BA said while leaving the room. He turned at the door."Need me to relieve you in a few hours?"

"No BA, and thanks for the bed, we'll be fine."

"Mark and I will check on you every few hours. Try to sleep."

Hannibal unfolded his bed and they were both quiet for some time. Face couldn't sleep because of the pain that was still radiating through his leg and the emotions and memories that the whole ordeal had stirred. Hannibal too couldn't sleep, he was thinking about what he would do to Lynch if he ever got his hands on him.

After a while Face spoke "Where's Murdock? Did he go back to the VA?"

"No, he's on his way bringing Mama Baracus here."

"Now?"

"Yeah, now, why?"

"No, she can't come now."

"Why? You were looking forward to see her again, what happened?"

"I'm too weak and ill."

"That's why she's coming. To care for you and cook for you. You are not making sense here."

"No you don't understand. I'm dangerous in this state. What if next time instead of you I get up and try to kill her?"

"Face that was once…you're not a monster. Besides you are so weak she would easily fend you off."

"No, please, lock the door when I'm asleep, don't let her near."

"Face, calm down. Nothing's gonna happen. I promise to not leave you alone with her when you're asleep, okay? Try to sleep now."

Face didn't want to sleep. 'If I'm awake then I won't hurt anybody,' he thought. He saw that Hannibal had drifted off and only then did he allow the hot tears from the pain to slide freely down his cheeks. He had suffered many injuries over the years…and quite a few of late. He couldn't understand why this one would hurt more than most.

He shifted slightly in an attempt to get comfortable…big mistake. He brought his hand to his mouth to hold in the scream as his vision completely blurred over and he thought he was going to pass out. 'Stay awake, Peck. Can't sleep…you're dangerous,' he reminded himself.

Face managed to stay awake until the sun started peeking in through the closed window shades. He felt hot and dizzy and his leg was on fire.

Hannibal woke with a start. 'What?…where?" he asked in confusion, not remembering where he was at first. The sight of Face lying on his side in the bed brought it all back and he jumped up and was at his side in seconds. "Face, kid, I didn't mean to fall asleep on you for so long."

"S'okay," Face rasped trying to hide his misery.

Hannibal didn't like the pallor of his friend and the sweat that covered his face. He held a hand to his forehead and knitted his brow. "You're burning up, kid." One quick glance at the scar revision site sent Hannibal to the door and yelling for Maggie and Mark.

Maggie arrived first. "What is it?"

Hannibal didn't want to alarm Face, so he tried to play it cool and say, "Face is running a bit of a fever and I think it's time for someone to check on his leg."

Maggie, also, tried to appear calm while waiting for the thermometer reading. The wound was raised and swollen with some puss leaking out from the incisions. "102," she reported. "It's high, but not terribly. Hannibal, can you get me a basin of cold water and some clean towels?"

Hannibal started leaving to fulfill the request while Mark made his entrance. Their eyes met and Mark felt a chill run down his spine from the look of fear in the blue eyes. "How's my favorite patient doing today?" he asked with false cheer.

"Okay…kinda hot…leg hurts," Face responded feebly.

Maggie was replacing the IV bag with a new one. "He's running a fever and I think his leg needs some attention."

Mark walked over to the bed and leaned over Face to get a close look. When he didn't say anything for a few minutes, Face asked, "It's bad, isn't it?"

"There are some signs of infection, how bad I'm not sure yet."

Hannibal returned with the water and towels. "How is he?"

"I want to get Face back onto the table…I need to drain some of the puss and clean the wound thoroughly. If we catch this in time and it doesn't spread deep into the tissues we might just be okay without introducing any antibiotics. I don't want to risk it if we can avoid them."

"B.A. left to pick up Murdock and Mrs. B, so we'll have to move Face ourselves."

"Why didn't Murdock just take the van?"

"Mark, are you joking? BA to leave his precious baby with Murdock for that long if it can be helped?"

It took a few minutes to maneuver Face onto the table and a few minutes after that to get him into the right position and gather the equipment Mark deemed necessary. Any fatigue Face had felt earlier was gone and replaced by the anticipation of what was to come.

"I'm going to start by making some small cuts into any areas where I see puss gathered. From there I will remove as much of the infection as I can and will finish by bathing the entire area with disinfectant." Mark made the first cut and Face flinched; as he began to squeeze the wound Face let out a scream.

Mrs. B. was walking up the path to the house arm-in-arm with her son when she heard the scream. "What in the world?" she exclaimed.

B.A. and Murdock decided it best if they all wait outside until somebody came and told them it was okay to enter. It would be a very long wait filled with agonized cries as the doctors worked to fight the infection.

"Knock me out…please?" Face begged Hannibal as Mark made a second cut. As much as he hadn't wanted to fall asleep before, now he was desperate for it. Unfortunately, he got his first wish and it looked like sleep wasn't in the cards for a while.

Hannibal could only hold his hand and talk to him as Mark started squeezing again. However it did little to the sounds coming out of him. After the entire ordeal he had gone through he just couldn't hold back any longer.

"Just what is going on in there? You two are sure those doctors are friendlies?"

"Mama, I told you he's weak and had surgery just yesterday and a bad reaction to the anesthetics. They're probably just cleaning his wound."

"They are doctors for Pete's sake. They're supposed to help, not inflict pain. This," she was pointing to the cabin, "sounds like something Amnesty International should be called in to investigate."

"They are helping but they can't give him no pain killer because of his reactions to it."

"Oh come on, Bosco, do you know the variety of pain release medicines on the market? There must be something. They can't let the poor boy suffer like this."

"Yeah and the Faceman has an even bigger variety of reactions."

"How was he when you left?" Murdock was really worried.

"Asleep. Hurt real bad last night but was in good spirits."

The next scream ripped through the air and Mama started for the door. BA caught her by the shoulders. "Mama stop, you can't just barging in there. Let them do their job, they'll call us when we can come in."

"How? They don't even know we are here. They expect us around afternoon and it's not even noon now. I can't just stand by and let this happen."

BA turned his mother around to hug her. "I know it's hard Mama. I felt so weak having to listen to his screams and pleas all this time."

Mrs. B had tears in her eyes. "It just ain't right Scooter. After all you told me and this boy is still suffering. It just ain't right."


	59. Chapter 59

Chapter 59:

Mark removed as much of the infection as he could. By the time he came to bathing the entire wound in a disinfectant solution Face was reduced to a whimpering mass. His body tensed when the solution hit open wounds but he didn't have the energy left to scream.

"Why is he catching so many infections, it's not normal."

"Considered the state he's in it is. He had some weeks to recover but his body doesn't have much left to fight with. Also a scar of this dimension would usually be removed in two sessions and require a three to four days hospital stay instead of being driven around in the back of a car. Let him rest for a moment and then we move him back to the bed. I'll be honest, if the infection returns I have to start him on antibiotics."

Murdock was at the porch looking for movement. The moment the door to Face's room opened he went in. Mrs. B and BA followed less than a second behind them.

The movement turned out to be Maggie cleaning away the bowls they had used for bathing the wound. Before Murdock got a chance to ask any questions, Mama Baracus stormed right past him while glaring at Maggie and then at Mark, declaring war with her eyes. She bent over the trembling figure on the table, covered in only a thin hospital gown. She didn't even acknowledge Hannibal who was still holding Face's hand.

"Oh baby what did they do to you? Don't you worry, Mama is here now."

Mama bending down over him was the last thing Face's subconscious registered before exhaustion finally allowed him to drop off. She placed a kiss on his forehead before turning on Hannibal.

"Why has my baby been allowed to suffer like this?" she demanded, placing her hands onto her ample hips. "I'll give you three seconds to start talkin', John Smith."

"I…um…well," Hannibal stuttered.

"I like this woman," Maggie whispered to Mark. "Anybody who can talk to Hannibal like that is A-okay with me."

"One…,"Mrs. B. started counting.

"Mama!" B.A. admonished.

"Hush Scooter!"

"Scooter?" they all questioned at once with the exception of Murdock, who had first heard the nickname earlier in the day.

"Can you believe Scooter here managed to keep this gem of a name hidden from us for so long?" Murdock teased.

"Shut up, fool!"

"Two…," Mrs. B. continued.

Maggie felt as if she had to rescue the men from the force to be reckoned with before her. "Mrs. Baracus, you've had a long trip. Why don't I make you a cup of tea and explain everything that has happened? I assure you that we are doing all we can to help Face and that none of us wants to hurt him in any way."

"Finally somebody is sayin' somthin' that makes sense!" Mrs. B. huffed.

"I been tellin' you that for the past hour, mama," B.A. argued.

"Yes son, you have. But you didn't offer me a cup of tea, now did you?"

B.A. shook his head and muttered, "I give up," while Maggie escorted Mrs. B. out of the room and into the kitchen leaving the rest smiling after them at the feisty lady.

"I must admit that your mother scares me more than you did when I first met you, B.A.," Mark admitted.

"She been my mama for over thirty-five years and she still scares the livin' daylights outta me at times," B.A. grinned. "But I love her."

"We all do," Hannibal added. "I have a feeling that Mrs. B. is just what the doctor ordered. And while we're on the subject, what's the plan, Mark?"

Mark sat wearily into a chair, removed his glasses and rubbed at his eyes. "The plan is to let Face sleep as much as possible. His body desperately needs the rest in order to fight the infection."

"What are his chances, doc?" Murdock asked. "I mean, do you think he's strong enough?"

Mark shrugged. "With Face I have learned to expect the unexpected. That being said, his vitals look good and I cleaned the wound thoroughly. Now that he is in a stable location, I have every reason to believe he will start to heal properly."

Hannibal felt hopeful at the doctor's words. "What do we need to know for when he wakes up?"

"We need to keep him as still as possible until I am sure that he is fever and infection free. Once he is stable, however, we need to get him up and moving as quickly as possible."

"Huh?" B.A. asked.

"I know it sounds counterintuitive, but in order to ensure we maintain the proper range of motion and reduce the amount of scar tissue, the faster we start his rehab, the better."

Murdock looked confused. "Rehab? He just had a scar removed. You're acting like the man was shot or something."

"A bullet wound is often localized to a small area, so in actuality this might be worse. I probed quite deeply and over a large portion of his leg. It's a possibility that there is some nerve or muscle damage that we need to combat. That being said, I can guarantee you that the smallest of movements will cause great discomfort and he will not have the luxury of any drug therapy."

"Mama ain't gonna be happy with that," B.A. said.

"I'm not either," Mark confessed. "But if she and the rest of you care about your friend, you'll have to put aside your feelings and make him do the necessary work."

Face did sleep. He didn't even stir when he was transferred to the bed. Between the exhaustion from missing last night's sleep, the procedure he just had to endure and his general condition he slept the whole day straight.

In the mean time Mrs. B bonded up with Maggie and got an introduction to Face's condition. The two women were in the kitchen with Maggie placed in a chair at the table and Mrs. B. immediately taking over command in cooking. By the time Face started to stir the other house occupants had had a good breakfast, lunch and supper complete with in between snacks and she was just removing one of her famous cakes from the oven. She had a long list of items ready for BA to buy the next day. The few things she had picked up on their way coming just weren't cutting it.

Hannibal and Maggie were in the room with Face when he started to come to. As pleased as the doctors had been with his condition when they last checked his vitals two hours ago Maggie now frowned down at him.

"What is it Maggie?"

"I don't like his parlor and the way sweat forms on his forehead." Placing a hand to his cheeks her frown deepened. "He's running a temperature. Let me see his leg." She uncovered his leg and removed the gauze to reveal an angry red and puffy looking wound.

"Jesus kid, this just can't be. Maggie?"

"You can see it, infection's not gone. Damn. Go get Mark, he's not even waking up properly."

Mark cursed under his breath at what he saw. They had to clean the wound again, already. At least it did the trick to rouse Face properly although everybody would have preferred he had stayed semiconscious for a while longer. The screams brought BA, Murdock and Misses B. running to the room. Face didn't acknowledge anybody as he had his eyes shut tight and was gritting his teeth against the agony. By the time the doctors had finished he was covered in sweat and panting; he was awake but so far lost in agony that he didn't realize what was going on around him.

Mark sunk in a chair rubbing his hands over his face. "What do you suggest Maggie, you know him longer. Three days and strong or a week and not as strong?"

Hannibal sure didn't like the defeated look of her as Maggie spoke "Last time we had the week version, the side effects can't possibly be any worse and I doubt he'll get through another week without intensive care."

The three teammates had learned to let the doctors finish their musings before pressing for explanations but Mama Baracus who was gently stroking Face's back didn't plan on waiting. "Can someone tell me what you're talking about?"

"Antibiotics, there's no way around it again."

"But he's not strong enough for antibiotics, you saw what happened with the anesthetics."

"I know John, I know. It's going to be hell on him, and us. But he's definitely not strong enough to fight this without antibiotics."

"Can't you just keep cleaning the wound, he'll get better. The pain is better than the reactions he'll have."

"Murdock, at the rate this infection is spreading he's headed for sepsis. And the longer we wait the weaker he'll be."

Mark was already at the door. "BA, Murdock, join me, we have the portable monitoring equipment in the car. You can set it up while I go get the antibiotics."

Hannibal was close to tears and joined Mrs. B in providing a little comfort for Face, hoping he would feel it. "He worked so hard to get this far and now he'll be as weak as ever. Why is life so unfair to him? He hasn't done anything wrong."

"Sometimes we don't know why the good Lord does what He does, but He don't give people more than they can handle."

"I don't know. I used to think that was true, but how much is one man supposed to take? This is too much for any one person." His hands were clenched into tight fists. "I should have done more to help him...to protect him."

"No!" came a soft but firm voice from the bed. "I don't...blame...God. And...and...I...certainly...don't...blame you."

Mrs. B. smiled down at Face before looking back to Hannibal and saying, "John, why don't you take a little break and allow me some time to catch up with Face here?"

Hannibal looked hesitant. "I don't know. I should probably..."

"You...should listen...to mama," Face interrupted. He could see how worn out the colonel looked and he felt guilty knowing he was the cause. Besides, he was awake which meant that he wasn't going to have a bad dream and hurt Mrs. B.

Hannibal nodded, the same thought in his mind that it would be okay to go since Face was awake and lucid. He gave Face's arm a quick squeeze before wordlessly exiting the room.

"You...don't have...to...stay. I'm okay," Face lied.

"If you're okay, then I'm skinny," she teased. "Let me take care of you for a while, honey. Bosco done told me how you saved the team a few times recently. I figure I owe you for taking care of my baby."

Face was about to say that it was nothing when a shooting pain shot through his thigh making him cry out and reach out for something to hold onto. Mama took hold of his hands and coached, "breathe, baby, breathe. It's gonna be okay."

Face suffered through spasm after spasm not understanding where they were coming from but only that they were excruciating. He was having a hard time getting the air into and out of his lungs properly the sensations were literally taking his breath away. And then Mrs. B. began to sing softly.

It was a soft tune she used to sing to B.A. when he was sick as a child. It always seemed to make him feel better and would usually put him to sleep. Mrs. B. hoped she might have the same luck with Face. It took a few minutes until his respirations evened out though he still held onto her tightly and his face was contorted in pain. She kept singing and gradually his grip loosened and his eyelids closed...he was asleep. "Thank you, Jesus," she prayed silently while continuing to hum the melody.

It wasn't long after that, however, that Face began mumbling in his sleep. "Don't leave me."

Mrs. B. was afraid that if Face became too agitated he might cause more harm to his leg, so she tried to gently wake him up. "I didn't leave you, baby. I'm right here."

"I'll be a good boy...don't leave me."

"Honey...wake up. I didn't go anywhere."

"Yes you did, mommy. You left me there."

Mrs. B.'s mouth hung open as she realized that Face was talking about his own mother. "Face, sugar. You need to wake up." She dipped a cloth into some water and wiped some sweat off of his forehead.

"Come back, mommy. Please...I'm scared." Face felt something cold and wet on his forehead. He slowly opened his eyes and Mrs. Baracus was looking at him in concern.

"Face, you with me, child?"

Face nodded, immediately embarrassed by the situation and not knowing how much he had said out loud. "S..s...sorry."

"Hush up. Nothin' to be sorry for, ya hear? You was just havin' a dream is all."

Face didn't know if it was the dream, the pain, or a combination of both...but he couldn't hold it back. He buried his face into his hands and started to cry.

"Hey...hey...what's all this about?" Mama asked gently.

"Not...not...just a ...dream. She...she left...me. I can...still...see it. Promised...she'd be...b...back. Never...never came."

"Oh, baby," Mrs. B said starting to cry right along with him. "I'm so sorry...I didn't know."

"No...nobody knows. Never told...told them. They...think...I don't remember. But I...I...will...never forget."

If they didn't know before, they knew now as they listened from outside the door. It made what they were about to do to Face seem just that much more horrible. Mark had returned minutes ago and his initial plan was to discuss everything inside Face's room so he would know what's coming his way. Now, however, that didn't seem like such a hot idea. Face was fighting pain and a whole army of demons. It was against Mark's principles to do anything that the patient is not aware off but in this case he decided it would be better to not add the anticipation off coming events. What was going to happen would do so anyway, if he had a warning or not. He redirected the group to the living room of the spacious cabin and started to explain.

"This time we know what to expect and therefore what signs to look out for. The antibiotics I brought are very strong. He'll have a bad headache in no time followed by nausea, vomiting, dizziness, stomach cramps and general weakness. Those are the effects we know he'll have; be prepared for anything though."

"What about his breathing?"

"He should be okay. The problems he had earlier on were due to sedatives, not antibiotics. Problems can be caused from antibiotics too but so far his file doesn't mention any respiratory problems as side effects for him and he has a lot of experience with various antibiotics. We'll monitor him constantly for the next days until he starts to improve again. I estimate about five days until his condition starts to improve again."

"But you said three days."

"Three days of antibiotics but it will take some time after he's off the meds before his condition improves. On the plus side the pain in his leg should die down considerably during this time. It will still be bad but nothing compared to now. Now let's get this show on the road. At least two people will be with him at all times, one of them Maggie or I. Let's keep the room cool, semi dark and quiet to help with the headache."

The group moved to Face's bedroom. He was soon hooked on to a monitor and a bag of antibiotics was slowly dripping into his arm. They had positioned him on his side, flanked all around by pillows to help keep him immobilized. Nobody left the room; they wouldn't be able to relax until they knew that Face was resting comfortably.

Face soon fell asleep but a fitful one. He woke up some minutes later when a new spasm shot up his leg. He willed himself to hold back any cry of pain; he had put his friends through enough lately. He was determined to hide as much as he could from them; especially now that Mrs. B. was there.

But the machines betrayed him and started beeping furiously. Maggie and Mark were at his side in seconds making note of all the readings. Face wanted to tell them that he was okay, but it took everything he had to just keep breathing. He could see lips moving, but was unable to hear anything over the roaring sound of his heartbeat in his ears. The pain just wouldn't let up and Face was about to go out of his mind from the unrelenting agony.

"What's going on?" Hannibal asked watching the flurry of activity before him.

"Face is having a severe muscle spasm or cramp," Mark said while gently massaging the tissues surrounding the wound, careful not to make any contact with the incisions. "His thigh is as hard as a rock."

It took a few minutes before Face's body seemed to relax and his heart rate and blood pressure lowered to within normal ranges. His eyes remained open, but they were glazed over and unfocused.

"Face was having a lot of these leg pains when I was with him earlier," Mrs. B. said. "What's causin' them?"

"Muscle spasms are involuntary contractions of a muscle. While performing the scar revision I was forced to cut into some muscle tissue. My best guess is that these attacks are related to that."

"A serious muscle spasm doesn't release on its own and requires manual stretching or stimulation to help relax and lengthen the shortened muscle. That is what you saw Mark doing," Maggie explained further.

"I'm afraid that as long as Face is confined to this bed and unable to start his physical therapy, these cramps are only going to worsen and make his recovery that much more difficult."

"So much for the pain in his leg dyin' down," B.A. said.

"So what do we do?" Murdock asked. "We can't just sit back and let this happen."

"Until the antibiotics do their job, we have no choice," Mark answered. 'If I had been able to predict just how bad the original injury was, I might not have ever agreed to perform the operation."

Face was drifting in and out, but he heard the last statement. "Worth…worth…it. Thank…thank you …for…for…helping…me." That was the last thing he said before he passed out cold into blessed oblivion.


	60. Chapter 60

Chapter 60:

"Something has been nagging at me," Hannibal said once Face was out and they could speak more freely. "How did we not notice this when it first happened? How could we not see that Face was hurting so bad?"

The room was quiet for a few moments as they pondered Hannibal's question. Then Murdock stood straight up as if he had been hit by a bolt of lightning. "Oh my God…I think I know exactly when it happened." The color drained from his face. "And if I remember correctly we weren't very understanding at all. Do you remember the time he went AWOL right in the middle of the obstacle course?"

"I sure do, but you aren't doing him any good to remind me of that time right now. I still get angry at him when I think about it."

"Colonel, think again, his leg …"

"Oh no, you think…."

"I do."

"Oh man, and we was all lecturin' him and treated him like shit."

"Yeah, history repeats itself as they say. I wonder on how many more occasions we did so without noticing."

"Could any of you speak in full sentences please?" Maggie said out loud what Mark and Mama Baracus were thinking.

Hannibal contemplated telling the story or not but then decided it was safe since they all knew how the leg injury had come to be and there was nothing to be told that Face would probably not want others to hear.

"It's a bit longer of a story and since none of us is going to leave this room anyway let's sit down, shall we?" They quietly brought in another chair, adding to the two already in the room and the bunk bed. When everybody was settled Hannibal began to tell the story in a low voice so as not to disturb Face.

"A bullet had grazed my leg during a mission. Nothing too bad but I wasn't going on any missions for a while and since nobody borrowed my men we were all having a little downtime. We were on a rather small base outside of Da Nang with nothing much to do but since BA, Murdock and Face were officially on duty they couldn't go into town. BA and Murdock choose to annoy each other instead and Face was all the time grumbling about being bored and so close to the town. On the fourth day those two here," he was pointing left and right where BA and Murdock sat beside him on the bunk bed, "were really grating on my nerves. Murdock wouldn't leave BA alone for a minute and BA too was overreacting."

"I didn't."

"You did."

"That fool was driving me nuts."

"Oh come off it big guy, you enjoyed having something doing. That place was soooo boring."

"You can see what I'm talking about. Anyway, in the course of the morning I decided something had to be done. They needed to be occupied. I ordered them to establish a nice big obstacle course right after lunch. Face was out on a supply run and was expected back by noon so they could all do it together. Noon came but Face didn't. After some waiting BA and Murdock started putting up the course on their own. It took long and they finished just before the sun set and still no sign of Face. I was pissed to no end. He only had to pick up prearranged goods and come back but decided to have some fun while the chance was there. You know, after what happened to him in the camps he made it his own therapy to spend as much time as possible at the whore house. It seemed to work for him since he was always in better spirits after he came back so we let him, as long as he used his free time."

"Yeah, never understood how that was going to help after being raped. It was weird."

"He finally returned around midnight. I was waiting for him outside of our tent but he didn't see me until he was out of the Jeep. I approached him. I still remember our conversation:

'Had a good time lieutenant?'

He was leaning back against the Jeep in a relaxed pose that rather infuriated me more 'Hannibal I…'

'You can explain, I know, not necessary. You are late and you look rumbled. Which of the whore houses was it this time? Or you didn't stick to one?'

'I was delayed picking up the goods.'

'Delayed for over 12 hours? Can it, lieutenant. Your team prepared a nice obstacle course, 400 tomorrow morning and full combat gear for you since you skipped the exercise of putting up the course with the others.'

I just turned and left him standing there. The next time I saw him was at exact 400 hours the next morning in full gear and at attention, looking straight ahead. He followed us to the training site slumping a bit behind but we didn't mind him."

"We were all pissed with him for going AWOL on us the day before. This whole whore thing was getting out of hand and we had to live through Hannibal's mood the whole day while he caused it."

"No Murdock, you two caused it, he added to it. Anyway, I sat down on a log off to the side and told them to get started. They had 40 minutes to complete the course and report back. It was a long course and I was fully aware that they couldn't do it but I was still pissed and planed to keep them going for the whole day, especially Face. He really didn't have a chance with all his gear on him."

"You knew? You set us up!" Murdock looked shocked.

"Yeah I did, does it matter? You ran it only once anyway."

"We ran it twice sucker."

"Okay you ran it a second time while I was waiting for our lieutenant to return. Only he never did. Went AWOL in the middle of the course. Apparently he had decided to have some fun instead of training with his team. Just his luck that the MP who went to the whore house a full five days later opened the wrong door and found him there stretched out on the bed while getting all the attention of the other room occupant. "

"But if you knew that's where he was going why didn't you go and get him?" Mark was a bit puzzled.

"Oh we did, that first day and the next we went around all the possible places but he had too many friends there as a regular customer, we were told he was not seen around. I got the news that he was in the stockade in the main base in Da Nang the morning of the 5th day after he went AWOL but decided to let him rot there for another 5 days before I went to have him released to me. Partly because I was so mad I would have bitten his head off and needed time to cool down and partly because I felt he could do with a lecture. He knew exactly that I had been informed about his whereabouts and wanted him to wonder if I'd come for him or not."

"That's cruel to somebody like Face." Maggie was getting defensive.

"Hmm, if I had known some of the things I know now I may have chosen a different way but that was just what had happened. When I finally went to the stockade I was told to wait because the doctor was currently looking at a wound he had obtained before he was captured, a long gash at his thigh but not a knife wound. I decided to wait in his cell. When he was brought in I could see some relief on his face but only until he took in my cold stare.

'Mind to tell me how you got injured lieutenant?'

He was at attention the moment I spoke. 'I…a branch of a tree pierced through my skin, sir.'

"That fits the description I got. And just how did that branch manage to create a long gash through your combat pants? The material is quite thick."

'I…it…it was…'

'The only possible explanation would be your pants were down and now why would you run through the jungle with your pants down? Met a girl while headed for town? Who caught you? A husband? A father?'

This time I didn't get an answer at all. I told him to move it, passed by the doctors to ask if he needed to see the infirmary at the base but was told he was okay and no further treatment needed. He limped slightly but otherwise seemed okay so I made him pick up his stuff and took him back to base. For all the time we spent at that base, and unfortunately for him it was another two weeks, I made him run that obstacle course morning to evening and only gave him a break when the limping got worse. We all gave him the silent treatment for quite a while. I never looked at his injury. I would have known where this scar came from or at least when it appeared. When I first saw it months later I just assumed it was one of his many scars from the camps and never connected it to that time. But you are probably right Murdock. He must have run into Lynch somewhere between the time he took off from the obstacle course and was caught by the MP's."

"Maybe you should ask….too many assumptions," came a weak voice from the bed.

"Face, thought you were sleeping. How are you?"

"Head hurts…stomach hurts…leg hurts…dizzy… nauseous."

"I would say sorry but I'll rather pray it stays that way, we are just getting started with the meds. Tell us when something changes. Your vitals are okay considering."

Mark stepped back from the bed and Face turned his head to look at the whole group. He was uncomfortable with the women being there to hear everything but didn't say anything.

"What did you mean by too many assumptions, Muchacho?"

Face took a deep breath, he didn't want to tell the story but felt he needed to right a few things here. "I ran into Lynch on my way back to base after the supply run. He said he and his men had missed me and he was going to make sure they all got to spend some quality time with me. That's why it took so long. When they were all done he went over to a burned out Jeep by the roadside and déjà vû hit me, I thought he was going to do it again especially when he started to work lose a wire and I struggled to get away but they had a tight grip on me. He came over and told them to pin me down on my stomach. He kicked my legs apart and crouched in between them. Then he started to run that wire over my….my….my behind, you know where….where they had…..entered me. He told me how he had heard I was going to the whores and he didn't like it. Said he needed to mark his territory for everyone to see. He was deciding on a place that was visible but also close to what he wants to claim as his and before I knew what was happening I could only hear my muffled screams, they had gagged me earlier, and his evil laughter. He took his time and went over several times to make sure it was deep enough. Then they left me there."

Face needed a break and some sips of water before he continued.

"I was leaning against the Jeep because I didn't want you to see the blood seeping through my pants and also as support. I was happy with your theory of why I was late because I couldn't come up with an explanation. After you left I managed to get to the showers and clean and bandage my leg with the first aid kit from the Jeep. In the morning I slumped behind so you wouldn't see me limp. I had taken the strongest pain killer I could find and had no idea how I was going to last through the day. I was happy you sat on the log to the side so I was out of your vision after a few obstacles that I tried to take without limping. I collapsed to the ground after just about 2 minutes, Murdock and BA were far ahead but they would return eventually so I crawled off into the jungle. It was good you made me run in full gear so I had enough supplies. I made it to that village close by the next day and was lucky to meet the mother of Linh May Ngoc just outside the village, or rather she found me there. She wanted to get you but I begged her to help me get to her daughter."

"Who was that girl?" Mrs. B. interrupted.

"She….ehm….was a friend."

"A whore. She was a whore, Faceman. And that was where you wanted to go when you couldn't even walk?" BA wanted his mother to hear the truth.

"She was my friend and very good with herbal medicine. Some men from the village helped me to get to her. When the MP came in she was just applying some herb mixture. It was good, had killed the infection that had set in and removed my fever. It was good you left me at the stockade, although I feared you would never come for me. It gave me the chance to heal and avoid telling you what happened."

"Oh kid, I'm so sorry."

Face was miserable and in pain and also angry. "It's a bit late that you are sorry. Why did you never ask, none of you? You all thought I was whoring around any chance I got. Those whores, and it wasn't as many different ones as you make it look, were my friends. I helped them out with supplies and they helped me. I could be free with them, enjoy the warmth of a human touch without having to be afraid to get hurt, without them demanding anything. I could have had any woman at the base but they would have demanded sex and I wasn't in any condition to give that. And thanks for the work out you made me do. Seeing it now you probably made me regain full use of my leg."

Face had his eyes closed when he spoke the last words. He was exhausted from all the talking, his head was about to explode and he had a hard time to battle the nausea. He was also humiliated that they had brought up his sex life in front of the doctors and Mrs. B. and wondered how he would be able to look them in the eye again.

It wasn't as if he was the only one, but he couldn't bring himself to say that in front of B.A.'s mother. They had all gone to the whore houses at one time or another; it was a form of escape from the horrors of war. And the only reason Face may have frequented more than the others was that his job as supply officer brought him into the villages on a regular basis.

Many times the guys just assumed that's where he was when he disappeared for hours at a time. Sometimes they were right and he couldn't understand the draw any more than B.A. could. Perhaps it was that after being raped by a man, he needed to have sex with a woman to restore some sense of his masculinity.

It wasn't as if he was a saint or anything, but sometimes he and the girl would just lay there and do nothing more than talk. The girls were just as scared and lonely as he was, and at least when they were with him they weren't getting hurt or being forced to do anything they didn't want to do. He knew what it felt like to be sexually assaulted and he could never do that to another human being.

But more often than not when the guys assumed he was at the whore houses they were completely wrong. He would just escape on his own for a while to think and be alone. He had so much pent up anger and rage that if he didn't take those trips by himself he would have either beat the crap out of some grunt or would have burst out crying in front of everybody…neither a good option. So he would go off and upon return would listen to their jokes or take their disapproving glances.

Sure it hurt that they thought so little of him, and it still did to this day. Anytime he had a date they would assume the sole purpose was for him to get laid. He couldn't blame them; they didn't know the truth and he certainly wasn't going to tell them.

He had tried that once…a long time ago.

Years ago he made the decision to never tell Hannibal what happened on the night he finally worked up the courage to confess what Lynch was doing to him. It would have killed the colonel to know how he treated him when, if he had only listened, the nightmare could have ended for Face a lot earlier and he would have been spared a lot of hurt…both physical and mental.

Once again it appeared as if Face had fallen asleep, and the room remained silent as everyone pondered what they had just heard. If there were two such divergent versions of the same story, how many other times was this the case?

Hannibal sighed and spoke out loud, "Oh, kid, why didn't you come to me and tell me?"

Face's eyes flew open and the words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself. "I did…come to you…you were…too busy to listen." His tone was venomous and accusing and not his intent at all. But the pain was starting to wear on him and play with his emotions.

Hannibal looked bewildered. "When? Face, what are you talking about?"

The pain in his skull was making it hard for him to speak and the stomach cramps were beginning to strengthen. He never should have let it get this far, but his filter was clouded by his misery. "Tried…B.A.'s birthday…before run…but…" Face's voice trailed off as a spasm hit his leg again.

Face couldn't breathe the pain was so severe from head to toe. Once again the machines went off and Mark tended to his leg while Maggie placed an oxygen mask over his face and a cool pack onto his forehead.

It was a tense time for all present as Mark massaged the muscles for what seemed like an eternity. "Damn," he cursed. "This is a bad one."

Once the muscle had released, Face tried to pull the mask away from his mouth. "Face, honey," Maggie said softly, "leave it there for a few minutes until your pressure comes down some, okay?"

But Face ignored her and pulled it away. "Gonna…be…sick," he mumbled and quickly followed through into a basin Mrs. B. hurriedly placed in front of him. She leaned over and rubbed his back while he heaved over and over.

"That's it," Mark announced when Face was through. "Everybody out. We need to keep this room as dark and quiet as possible…Face needs to rest."

"No," Face protested weakly. "Need…to…explain. Finish what…I…started."

"There will be plenty of time for that later, Face. As your doctor I think you should just close your eyes and try not to exert yourself."

Face was getting angry; he was tired at being told what to do like he was some helpless child. "I…said…I need…to explain. Hannibal…do…you…remember…birthday?"

"Yeah, I remember I handed you a list of things to retrieve for a little party we would be having later that evening." His heart sunk as the day's events began to replay in his head and he relayed the dialogue to the rest of them.

_'Here's the list. You better set out now if you're going to make it back in time,"_

_'Colonel? Can I talk to you for a minute?'_

_'Can it wait, kid. I'm awfully busy and you should be too."_

_'Um…okay. Wait…I really need to tell you something, it…'_

_'Whatever it is, I'm sure you'll be able to remember it when you get back from your run. Now get out of here…that's an order.'_

Hannibal felt sick. "My God…I didn't know…you tried to talk to me and I ordered you away."

"Lynch…told me…he'd be looking…for me…that…you'd all…be too busy…at…party. Took…me…all day to…work up…nerve to…tell you."

Seeing Face was struggling, Murdock spoke up and started to fill in some more blanks. "Face, you never did make it to the party. I remember Hannibal said it was because you probably made plans with some girl you met while getting the supplies."

"I was real pissed off man," B.A. added. "Felt like you was too good to bother' comin' to my party…picked a whore over me."

"I…I…never…do that," Face gasped. "You…you…all thought…I was…was…a slut. You…still…do. Not…not true."

Hannibal quickly denied it. "No, we never said that, Face."

"Didn't…have…to. I spent…lots…lots of…time…other…places…but…but…"

"But, we never bothered to ask," Murdock finished.

Mrs. B., Maggie and Mark sat there watching the exchange unsure they should be listening in, but too afraid and fascinated to leave. How Face was still able to continue was beyond explanation, but he looked determined to get some things off his chest before he would give in to his body's demands.

"That…night…I dropped…off stuff…and went looking for…Hannibal…again. Still wanted…to…tell him. I was…tired…tired of…being hurt. Lynch grabbed…me…outside…the mess…tent. Waited…'til…you all…at party…then did…did it…right…outside. Screamed…but too…too loud…nobody came."

B.A. was pounding his fist into his other open palm. "That sick son of a…" He stopped himself realizing that his mama was present.

Face was crying silent tears as he went on. "Beat…beat me…so…so…bad. Crawled to…to…Hannibal's quarters. Passed out…remember…what…you did…when…found me…later?" Face shut his eyes, too exhausted and hurting to badly to utter another word.

Hannibal hung his head in shame. "God forgive me…for I never will. I saw you laying there and you were disheveled and reeking of booze and I thought you had gotten into a barroom brawl after returning from the night's whore. I had been pissed off just like BA that you hadn't shown up at the party and seeing you like this laying on the floor of my office, just inside the door, I was disgusted. I…I kicked you with my boot until you woke up and told you…told you to get your drunken butt out of my room. That you were stinking up the place and better got yourself cleaned and patched up. Then I just stepped over you and got into the back room where I slept and closed the door. When I woke up the next day I had a doctor's report on my table that my XO was badly beaten and laid up in the infirmary. We never came to see you. You were released after five days but still out of duty for a week. I came to you to tell you that I had no time to look after somebody who gets himself beaten and drunk over a whore instead of coming to a team's party, neither would my men have time. You were to look after yourself until you were fit for duty and I didn't want to hear or see anything of you until then."

"God kid, I'm so sorry, I can't even tell you how sorry I am."

A burst of anger tore through Face. The anger and the little rest he had gotten gave him the energy to go on. "Don't….need….your sorry." He took a long look at each of his team members. First Hannibal, then BA and finally Murdock. His eyes portrayed the anger, hurt and betrayal he had felt all those years ago and still did.

"You…didn't listen…when I needed…you. You didn't…help when…I …screamed. You kicked me…when I…needed you. You never….bothered to…see…me infirmary…find out…about me." Face took a small break and then whispered "Not even…Murdock."

That had hurt the most of all. He knew Hannibal could be mad over something but would cool of eventually; BA was always grumbling and scowling and didn't appear like someone who does hospital visits, although he had visited him before. But Murdock was his best buddy. For the first time in his life he really felt like he had found a lifelong friend. They understood each other without words, did a lot of mischief together and cared for each other. Sure he had had good friends before but it never lasted. The other kids seemed to get adopted as soon as he had become their good friend. Murdock had always been there for him when he was injured and in the camps. But even Murdock never showed up in all the five days, never even asked of him or sent a greeting through one of the nurses.

"Lynch came.. every night…to gloat…tell me you're…not busy….just decided… I wasn't worth…a visit."

And when he was released he barely made it to his bunk but nobody helped him. They behaved as if he was thin air and after Hannibal's little speech he knew he could not hope for any improvement. After half a day at least Murdock brought him a jug with water but just sat it beside him wordlessly.

The machines went off beeping again. Face's heart rate and pressure were too high while his breathing rate was totally confused. Mark didn't like the readings at all but decided that Face needed to get whatever it is off his chest.

"BA, had a …present for…you. Necklace." On the second day after his release Face reached for the bag of clothes he had been wearing when being brought in. There was a thin golden necklace in his pocket.

"Lynch tore…wrapper…tore it and stuffed into my pocket, you didn't …want." The moment BA had seen the torn necklace in Face's hand he had started to lay into him how he was even stealing from the whores. After that Face just couldn't give it to BA anymore. He had eventually given it to Linh May Ngoc.

"You assume arghh…." His sentence was cut off by an intense stomach cramp that had him curling together. When it was over his whole body trembled but he had one last thing to say. "…assume too...much. When I…didn't show up…you never…came looking….just assumed ….I was …off. If the supplies…had not made it….to…to you….would sure….have come looking. Still same…today."

Another spasm took hold of Face's body and this time Mark and Maggie threw everyone out. It was late in the evening and their patient needed what little rest he could get. The side effects were worsening and Face was struggling too much.

B.A. was the first to storm out of the house with Murdock not far behind. Mrs. B. started after them, but Hannibal lightly held her arm and said, "Please, let me talk to them." His voice was choked up with emotion and his eyes glistened with tears. Mrs. B. nodded and pulled him into a hug; now wasn't the time for lectures. "How could I have been so cold? I love that kid more than I can tell you…I really let him down."

"Yes, you sure did," Mrs. B. agreed pulling away but keeping her hands on his shoulders. She took Hannibal's chin and lifted it so that he was looking her in the eye. "You let him down, but it wasn't intentional. Hindsight is 20/20, John."

"I should have seen it…but I swear that I didn't know." Hannibal tried to look away, but she wouldn't let him.

"I know that…and so does Face. He's just hurtin' somethin' awful now. He don't blame you."

"I blame me..."

Mrs. B. cut him off. "If you could go back in time and you knew what was going on what would you have done."

Hannibal's blue eyes turned a deep shade of grey. "I would have torn Lynch apart piece by piece."

"Exactly. It's not that you didn't care…you didn't know. You were in the middle of a war; it was a crazy time."

"But, I can't go back."

Mama smiled at him. "No, that's true. But you can move forward." The smile disappeared and she was all business. "Now get your hide outside and talk to your men.


	61. Chapter 61

Chapter 61:

Hannibal wasn't about to disagree with Mrs. Baracus. He took a deep breath and went outside to find Murdock and B.A. Both men sat side by side on the ground; Murdock rocking and B.A. removing the gold from his neck piece by piece. It was the quietest he had ever seen the two men and it was unnerving as he approached them from behind.

"Captain. Sergeant," he addressed them formally as he took a seat on the ground in front of them, but after that he was at a loss. Hannibal watched the pile of gold accumulating and he finally asked, "What are you doing?"

B.A. continued pulling the chains over his mohawked head. "Faceman bought me one of these for my birthday and I flat out accused him of stealin' it from a whore. I don't deserve to wear none of this anymore."

"We need to talk, guys," Hannibal said. "Did we screw up? Yes…"

"Screw up!" Murdock practically yelled, the anguish written all over his face. "The man was beaten to a pulp and we blamed it on him…never asked what happened. We could have stopped Lynch…don't you get it?"

Hannibal tried to keep his cool. If he lost it now, then the others would go right with him. "I get it, Murdock. Believe me…I blame myself for everything. I was the CO…Face was under my command."

"We all was there, man. It ain't all on you," B.A. disagreed.

Hannibal shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe not, but it doesn't matter who was to blame. What matters is that we hurt Face deeply and he has held that inside since Nam."

Murdock's rocking was starting to slow down as they continued to talk about that evening and some other times when Face would show up with bruises or injuries. It was all starting to make sense…unfortunately they were over a decade too late to do anything about it.

"Ah man, I thought we was mean to him with all the Leslie business but compared to our past we've actually been nice to him then. We teased him and made him hire us but at least we didn't completely ignore him."

"And he was right too; I would probably have stormed off looking for him if those supplies from the list I gave him earlier on had not been there by the time we wanted to get started with our party. And none of us went looking for him."

"And we still do it. When I call him from the VA my first question is usually not 'how are you doing' but 'did you get that latest comic for me' or something of that sort. Not that I call him just because I want something but I seem to always have a request and Face always gets me all those things I want and when I have him on the line I just have to ask what he has for me. I never stopped to think how this must make him feel."

"Yeah, I'm guilty too. I never call or see him in between missions unless I need something for the car or for the day care center or he invites us over. But he comes to stop by the center to help out from time to time."

Murdock stared off in the distance. "We call ourselves his family but maybe he would be better off on his own. We're as cold to him as ever."

"No Murdock, that's not true. We are there for him when he needs us; we do care for him. Look at now for example. Those were situations in which we didn't know what was going on and ,as he rightly said, assumed too much. We do care when we know he is hurt, we only fail to notice at times. He's good at hiding too." Hannibal didn't really know if he believed what he was saying but he needed to keep his team together.

"No, you're wrong colonel. He may be good at hiding but only because we make it so easy for him. We never ask and when he tells us we tease him or play it down or accuse him of whining. How would you react? Remember just about two months before the Ecuador disaster? We had a client to check out and Face came late and was limping. The client had turned out as one of Lynch's men and Face came just in time to drive off together with us. If I remember right your comment was 'Nice of you to join us lieutenant. Good thing the client was a set up, you don't appear fit for duty anyway.' None of us ever asked him why he was late and what happened to his leg. The next time we saw him he was fit and the topic never came on again."

They sat in silence for a while longer until Hannibal quietly spoke. "You know what bothers me most? BA's birthday, it was before….before Lynch marked him. If I had only listened, or at least asked him what it was he wanted to tell me, I could have stopped it…..he wouldn't be in so much pain now."

Face responded well to the antibiotics, though if you asked him he might have responded differently. The leg spasms hadn't let up and were only made worse in combination with the effects of the medication. In addition he now had to battle stomach cramps and was violently sick time after time without much more than an hour of a break in between. But the worst were the nightmares and hallucinations. They rotated shifts, though Face didn't know where he was or who he was with most of the time. He only knew pain…and lots of it.

Mama Baracus was cooking for all of them and found herself alone in the kitchen with a gold-free BA who was picking at his food.

"What's the matter son? Don't like my cookin' anymore?"

"No, that's not it. It's just …I can't stop thinkin' of how cold we was. He was yellin' for our help while we celebrated my birthday. And afterwards we blamed it all on him. I don't think I can ever enjoy celebratin' my birthday again. How can I enjoy a party that Face organized…"

"Bosco Baracus, I wonder what I did wrong when I brought you up. You've been mean to this boy, all of you, time and time again and now you're sitting here crying. I thought he meant more to you than just getting you stuff. This boy in there is sufferin' and you are sittin' here in self pity."

"Mama, I didn't mean it that way. It's not my birthday I'm concerned about." BA had never seen his mother in such a rage before."

"I don't care how you meant it, go and make sure you help him in every way you can. And now leave me alone."

His Mama was actually throwing him out of the room… he couldn't believe it. As soon as the door closed behind him Mrs. B. broke out in tears.

It was a pure seventy-two hours of hell before Mark announced to the crew that Face was infection free and that he could come off of the antibiotics. He pulled Hannibal aside and they stood outside of Face's door talking. "As soon as Face is over the side effects, we need to start his therapy. Brace yourselves…it isn't going to be pretty."

"Therapy? Are you kidding? He's too weak to lift his head, let alone his leg." Hannibal thought he had heard wrong.

"I said when he's over the side effects and that includes when he's a bit stronger. And even then we have to support his leg and help him move it. Until then we continue to do as I did the last days, we stretch and massage the tissue manually to keep it from tightening together."

"You did that? When?"

"When you guys were outside. I didn't want you to see him in so much pain. He was and is weak enough to not be able to fight me off. But as he grows stronger it will take more than one of you to hold him down while another manipulates the limb." Hannibal's eyes widened, and Mark explained. "Maggie and I need to go into town and pick up some supplies. We also need to check on our practices and patients. Neither of us anticipated this setback and if we are away too long people will start talking."

There was an ulterior motive as well for their departure. The team needed time to work out their issues. Face wasn't speaking at all and the other men would clam up when they were in the room with him. Mark was hoping that if he and Maggie weren't around and they were forced to care for Face by themselves…with a little TLC from Mrs. Baracus on the side…they would start talking to each other again.

Hannibal looked uncomfortable; he was so focused on Face and the team's issues that he hadn't taken the time to realize the impact they were having on the doctors. "Mark…I…um don't know…how to thank you for all you have done. I probably haven't said it enough. I feel like we are taking advantage of your generosity…we can't expect you to do any more for us."

Mark smiled at the stuttering man before him. "Believe me, I want to help. From what Maggie has told me and from what I have read in the papers, you all have done a lot of good for a lot of people. It is my pleasure to help. Besides, Face has provided me with more training in a short time than I received in all my years of medical school…I just wish he didn't have to suffer so."

"That makes two of us," Hannibal agreed. "When do you leave?"

"As soon as I train you on what needs to be done. We plan to be back the day after tomorrow. Hopefully by then we can get Face on his feet. Now, let me show you what to do."

Face was awake but barely. Maggie was sitting by his side holding a cool pack to his head. The lights were down low as he was still suffering from a terrible migraine.

"How's he doing?" Hannibal asked her in a whisper before she left to gather her things.

"Better," she answered in an equally low tone. "He isn't throwing up as often and the stomach cramps aren't as severe. Definitely a sign that the medication is working its way out of his system. However, the leg cramps are unrelenting and he can't seem to kick this headache."

Hannibal knew that stress often triggered his migraines, so he wasn't surprised. The good, and at the same time bad, about those migraines was that they only hit Face when he was ill. Good because it would otherwise have been difficult for him to live the life they did, going on missions when he would never know when a migraine would hit, but also bad because they hit at the worst possible times when he was down already. Just another proof of his luck. He wanted to hold Face's hand and to tell him that he was proud of how strong he was being. But, he wasn't sure where he stood with Face anymore. So he just stood there awkwardly and wondered how he was going to fix this mess.

Face knew Hannibal was there by smell. His head hurt so badly that he tried to keep his eyes shut, and when he did open them his vision was so blurry that he could only make out basic shapes. The guilt was eating him up inside. The antibiotics had made him ill, but knowing what he had told Hannibal and the others was equally as distressing. They hated him now for sure…couldn't even talk to him or look at him.

What was bothering him more, however, was that he was angry. He had no right to be angry at the only people who stuck by him and who had taken care of him. But the memories that had resurfaced since his scar removal had left a bad taste in his mouth. They didn't know what Lynch was doing and it wasn't their fault. At the same time, though, they treated him badly and never took the time to find out why he was frequently showing up beaten or injured.

He hadn't realized how much it hurt him at the time, but then again they were the least of his problems back then. He had pushed his feelings down inside and not allowed himself to feel. But now that he had time to think about it, he found himself angry. Angry at the guys…and angry at himself for being angry. He was confused and the constant pounding in his skull wasn't helping matters any.

It wasn't long before anger was replaced by shear agony. "Face, I'm going to begin teaching Hannibal how to stretch and massage the tissues and muscles of your thigh," Mark said. "Okay?"

Face nodded slowly. He was still positioned on his side surrounded by pillows.

"We start by stimulating some blood flow by rubbing circles to the area around the wound…being careful never to make direct contact. Always move slowly, but don't be afraid to apply a good amount of pressure. I'll show you first and then you can try."

Face flinched and moaned as Mark first pressed his fingers into his leg. As he began to really start kneading the muscles he buried his head into the pillow in front of him to muffle his cries.

"Okay," Mark said stepping back. "Your turn."

Hannibal looked horrified. "But…but it's too painful for him."

"Is it? If I remember the story correctly you didn't have a problem with that when you made him work out at the obstacle course. Granted he was physically stronger then and probably not screaming in pain but be sure he felt it." Softening his voice Mark added "You didn't know it but you did the right thing then. He needs the therapy to regain full use and not suffer from permanent pain. The location of the scar is not the best. Whenever he's walking or sitting the skin there is stretched."

Hannibal knew Mark was right, but that didn't make it any easier when he touched Face and heard the muted scream and saw the way his body was trembling.

"Now we get to the hard part," Mark said sadly.

"And that was supposed to be what…easy?" Hannibal said sarcastically.

"I know this isn't easy for you, Hannibal. But, do it for Face." Those words were all it took for Hannibal to get into work mode…he would do anything for his boy. Mark continued his demonstration. "We take the leg and slowly move it through a variety of positions in order to maintain the range of motion and reduce the build-up of scar tissue."

The pain was too much and the bile once again rose to Face's throat. He took his head away from the pillow and moaned weakly, "Please…stop…sick."

They stopped just long enough for Face to vomit and then Mark made Hannibal continue. "I'm so sorry, kid," Hannibal said while finishing the routine. Face didn't say anything; just lay there shaking and sweating.

"You need to do this same procedure three times a day. Murdock and B.A. can assist you as I did by holding the rest of Face's body still. So, this was the second time today…the next session should be right before bed."

Hannibal nodded miserably…it was going to be a very long day.

Within 15 minutes Mark and Maggie were gone. The team was left with the instructions on the physical therapy and on how to care for Face. Keep him on his side, check his vitals, keep the room dark and quiet, cool his head, feed him a little of a medicine to neutralize the bile and protect his throat and trachea when he throws up, never leave him alone and see if you can make him drink something. Maggie had wanted to add 'and talk to each other' but thought it was better they figured out this part on their own.

Hannibal sat with Face first. He just sat there pretending to read a book while actually keeping his eyes on Face and the machines he was still connected to. The doctors had decided that since he was lying in bed anyway they would leave him connected. It made it easier to check his vitals and would alert them to any change immediately.

None of them said a word. Face was too miserable to think up any conversation and Hannibal simply didn't know what to say. He had failed Face in a way he didn't know how to fix it again. He had said he was sorry and Face had snapped, not that he could blame him. Every word Face had said was true and long overdue. Carrying such a baggage around for that long must have eaten him alive.

Face's headache was slowly clearing up which, he decided, was a bad thing. The pain didn't lessen. While the headache had been very bad he had felt almost nothing else. Now he still had a headache, if at a reduced level, and in addition felt the agony in his leg again. Also his whole body hurt from lying in the same position for so long. They had moved him and stretched all his limbs from time to time but basically he had spend the last four days laying at his side without the energy to even move in that position. The more lucid he became the more angry he got; angry at the guys but more angry at himself. He should never have said a word. He had destroyed his only family. He could kick himself for being so stupid. He had kept it inside for so long, why had he now blurted it out. The more he thought about it he realized that he had always felt hurt by their actions, or the lack thereof, but never angry. The anger at the guys was something new and it was growing by the hour.


	62. Chapter 62

Chapter 62:

Eventually BA came to relieve Hannibal. He could make out his blurred form for the few seconds he opened his eyes and heard the whispered noises. Something was off but he couldn't put his finger on it. BA usually rested one of his massive hands somewhere on Face's body when he sat with him but not so this time. Anyway, he understood. BA had been pissed that he hadn't shown up at his party thinking he had preferred a whore over him. Imagining that he had been raped right outside the mess tent where they had been celebrating his birthday must be even more disgusting. After all Lynch had chosen the exact spot outside the back of the tent where he knew the others sat within earshot had the music not been so loud. He had made sure Face knew that, even lifted the tent flap a little for a moment so Face could see their feet. They had been less than two meters away. But still that was not it. There was something else wrong with BA. It took him long to figure out he had not heard any chains rustling. Before he had time to dwell on it Mrs. B. came into the room. She sat something on the table and came over to him running her fingers through his hair.

"How are you feeling, honey?" She whispered gently.

Face was overwhelmed by the love that was put in the simple touch and words. He couldn't say anything.

"You can go, Bosco." The hard voice she used for BA was even more confusing for Face. He knew how BA loved his mother and vice versa. What had happened? It didn't feel right that she was so gentle to him while being harsh to her own son. He hoped BA would not be angry with him thinking he got the love from his mother that BA was supposed to get.

"I brought your broth, child. Let's see if we can get some into you." Maggie had started him on some broth the night before after he had managed to keep some sips of water inside for more than 30 minutes. The warmth had felt so good in his stomach. He risked opening his eyes and found that it hurt less than before. Also his vision was clearer now. He tried to shift a little but only managed a pathetic and unsuccessful attempt.

"Are you sore from laying for long, baby? Here, let me help you." She rearranged the pillows around him and moved him by the shoulders until his back was leaning against the pillows. He was still on his side but leaning backwards taking some pressure off his side. Before his mind had wrapped around the new position a straw was placed in his mouth.

"Here honey, take small sips just as Maggie told you. Exactly, that's a good boy."

After a few sips he was drained but the warmth felt so good.

"Feeling a little better?"

"Hmm"

"Relax, gather your strength, you'll soon need it."

"Feel…..so…..angry."

"And you should. Even I'm angry and I was not the one those terrible things were done to. I seem to not even know my son anymore and that's scary for his mother."

"I'm…s…sorry. D…don't…want…to upset…you. Don't…be mad…at B.A."

Mrs. B. could see that Face was struggling to get his words out. "Hush, baby. It's gonna be alright."

Face shook his head and fought back some tears. "No…please…not their fault. I…wrong…to…feel so…angry."

Mrs. B. sighed loudly. "Oh, Templeton." She only called him that when she really wanted to get his attention. "What was done to you by others may not have been their fault, but the way they treated you most certainly was. Now, that don't mean they don't care about you…it just means they messed up."

She placed a cool towel on his head and then positioned herself so she was at his level and looked deeply into his eyes. "I want you to listen to me, Templeton. You have every right to yo' feelins'. Stop holdin' stuff inside or blamin' yourself for others' actions. We all need to take responsibility for our mistakes in life, but this time ain't none of it your fault."

The tears Face had been fighting slid down his cheeks. As Mrs. B. was wiping them away there was a knock on the door. "Remember what I said, child. And keep in mind that just 'cause you angry at somebody, it don't mean that you don't love them either. Okay?"

"Okay," Face smiled weakly and watched as she got up to open the door. She held it open and in walked Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. single filed and looking as if they would rather be anywhere else but in that room.

"I'm gonna go clean up the kitchen. You all call me if you need anything," Mrs. B. said giving the trio a stern glare before closing the door behind her.

The tension was so thick that an electric knife probably wouldn't be able to cut through it…and they certainly didn't know how to even try. The team stared at each other for a couple of awkward minutes before Hannibal got down to business and started handing out the orders in full Colonel mode.

"B.A., stand behind Face and hold his upper body still. Murdock, you stand there," he pointed his finger in the direction of Face's feet, "and hold his legs."

"Like this?" Murdock asked taking hold of Face's shins. "Or should I move higher up."

"No, there should be fine. B.A. you set?"

"Yeah, man. I'm ready."

Face was growing angrier by the moment; they were talking about him as if he wasn't even there. The question shouldn't have been if they were ready, it should have been if he, the one with the sliced and diced thigh, was ready.

"Hold him tight…here we go," Hannibal said starting the routine Mark had taught him.

Face shut his eyes as Hannibal's fingertips pressed into his flesh and moved their way around his leg. He would have jumped clear off the bed if he wasn't being held. He let out a single grunt as Hannibal hit an especially tender spot, but other than that he bit on his lip and remained quiet. But when Hannibal told Murdock to let go of the top leg and began to bend and stretch it, Face couldn't hold back his whimpers at the white hot shooting pains.

Hannibal avoided Face's eyes and looked only at the place where the old scar had recently been replaced by an even bigger one. 'Both my fault,' he thought in distain. 'I could have stopped it before it ever got to this point.'

They felt sick listening to the small cries of pain and seeing their friend's face contorted in agony. But there was a job to be done and it was for Face's own good that they shut down their emotions and continue. But that would be easier said than done as Hannibal lifted the leg up higher and higher causing the incision and underlying muscles to stretch as much as possible without causing a tear. Face let out a primal scream that vibrated in their ears and went directly to their hearts.

Face felt the tremendous pain, but even more so he felt rage. Hannibal was still holding the stretch when suddenly Face snapped. "Get your…damn…hands off…of me," he snarled. "And get…the hell…out of…here."

Stunned, Hannibal gently lowered the leg and both Murdock and B.A. backed away from the bed.

"L…leave…me…alone," Face gasped. "I…I…don't…," he stopped as the room began to spin and his vision started to fade. He tried again, "I don't…need…you…any of…you." He was fading fast. "I…I…oh God…help me."

Face's eyes rolled back into his head and his last thought was that he needed them more than ever.

Murdock twisted his cap in his hands. "We're doing it again, we assume and don't ask. We assume he wouldn't wanna talk to us, we assume that now's not the time for our apologies, that he's not ready to hear them. We assume the pain will be easier to take if we don't warn him before we start, as if he wouldn't know what's coming. We're complete and utter jerks. Trust me; I know how it is when people speak about you rather than with you."

"You're right Murdock. Mark, who knows the kid for only a short time, saw that he needed to be in control. He told him every step ahead of doing so and we who know him forever…"

"We treat him like he ain't even there." BA finished Hannibal's sentence.

"And now we screwed up even more. At least the kid's talking again."

"Now what,Hannibal?"

Hannibal just shrugged. He didn't have an answer for BA.

"You two go, I'll sit with him. It's my turn anyway. We didn't react to his needs and wishes for so long, no need to start now. Last thing he needs is to be alone right now."

Murdock contemplated sitting in a chair but it just didn't seem right. He carefully removed some of the pillows around Face and, careful not to get in touch with his wound, slid on the bed behind Face.

After a short while Face woke to the now familiar feeling of immense pain. He groaned and Murdock held on to him a little tighter. "I'm here buddy…I got ya."

Face was still so angry and now Murdock held him and it just didn't fit together. Different memories mixed together and he needed answers to sort them. "Why didn't you come?"

"I'm here Face, I'm right here, I've got you."

"But …but you didn't come. You left me alone. Hannibal kicked me. None of you cared."

"Shh, calm down. What are you talking about?"

"I…I….I don't want to be calm. I'm angry….so very angry." It sounded a bit funny coming out in a weak voice and talked to the pillow in front of him.

"And you have all right to be. I'm sorry Face, so sorry."

"Why didn't you help me? Why didn't you come?"

"Didn't come where buddy?"

"The infirmary. BA's birthday. Hannibal kicked me, nobody helped me….you didn't come…the nightmares…."

"Oh Face, I'm so sorry. I was so wrong, thought….thought you got yourself into dangerous situations instead of spending time with us."

Face was now crying into his pillow, the painful memories mixed with the current pain and emotions were too much for him to take.

Murdock ran his hand through Face's hair and after a minute of silence spoke. "Face, I know I should have asked years ago and it's now too late to do anything about it but…uhm…can you tell me what happened? I know the basics but there are still some open questions. Like …uhm… why were you reeking after booze and where were you between the time you dropped of the supplies and Lynch grabbed you and how did you get to the infirmary?"

"You…you think…I was drunk, don't you?" The anger was flaring up again." That…that I was drunk and….and asking for…for…you know…for it, right?"

"Oh no, Face…no. I just don't want to assume anything again. I think I did enough wrong assumptions with you to last for a lifetime. I want you to tell me, I want to ask you. I know it's late but I learned to not assume things with you. I can't promise I won't ever do it again but I'll try."

Murdock sounded sincere and he was here now, giving comfort. It felt so good to just lean into him. After he had told them about that night and the way they had not talked to him or even looked at him he thought he would never feel that comfort again.

"He…he grabbed me right after… after I returned the Jeep. I dropped off the supplies and returned the Jeep and then I was on my way to the mess tent where Hannibal was preparing everything. He grabbed me outside. I….I …gonna be…"

Murdock didn't need to hear more; he quickly held a bucket for Face as the little broth he had drunk made a reappearance.

Murdock slid back in behind him. "But that was hours before the party."

"There was this…storage shed a bit off to the side, nearer the back of the mess tent…could see the entrance from there…gagged and bound me…left Matthews with me. Told me nobody would come looking for me…nobody would miss me…made me watch you going to the party before…before he…brought his other men. Dragged me to the back….right where you were sitting…could see your shoes….screamed….screamed so loud. Could hear your laughter in there….pinned me down….gagged me with his…his..his…in my mouth…and then they….and Hannibal kicked me…hurt so, more than what they did…." Face was now sobbing, remembering how much it had hurt, physically because he was already abused to the point he could take no more and mentally because of the person delivering it.

"The booze…pored it over me…disguise the smell of…of…of…their smell. Dragged…dragged myself to the showers…woke up in bed…alone…nobody there. Before ….when I was injured….one of you…never alone…"

Murdock noticed that the gaps in Face's sentences were no more from sobbing but from his breathing, he was close to hyperventilating. "Face, calm down, slow your breathing, come on buddy slow deep breaths."

"No…need…tell you."

"Yes, you'll tell me and I'll listen. But first slow your breathing. Calm down, I'm here now, I'm not going anywhere. That's better. Calm down, everything will be alright, I promise. Will take awhile but in the end you'll see."

"I…I woke up alone. I so hoped one of you would appear any moment but you didn't. Nobody came. I was usually released into Hannibal's care way before I was ready to go but this time I had to stay there. In the nights, when the nightmares started, I imagined you there with me, just like now. But when they noticed I was not sleeping or when I had screamed already they just sedated me. Woke up sick all the time. That was… worst part. You always helped me through the nightmares or when I was sick or injured. You never asked why… and it hurt ….but at least you always helped me. But I was all alone there and the drugs made me sick and Lynch always came and and….and told me how…how nobody would come…how you didn't miss me….that I was dirty and…and disgusting….could be happy….he wanted me."

Tears were streaming down Murdock's face but Face could not see it. "I'm so sorry ,Face. Lynch is wrong…you know that, don't you?"

"Is he? Then why are you all hurting me? Why did nobody come? Why don't you ask where I get hurt or how? Why do you all think so low of me?"

"But…but Face…that's not true, we don't think low of you."

"You do. You all think I'm a slut. Look at what Hannibal told Maggie and Mark and even Mrs. B. And BA made sure to add that my friend was a whore. It's not like I was the only one going there. Even now when we're not on missions that's all you think I'm doing."

"That's not true Face. Don't think that."

"But…but if it's not…arrgghhh, my leg" a cramp hit his leg and took his breath away. Murdock carefully pried Face's hand away and massaged the area.

"Hurts, please stop."

"No, the cramp needs to go, sorry Face."

Eventually it lessened and the muscle relaxed. They both lay there for a while before Face continued. "But if it's not true….why didn't you ask when I came back bruised and injured after Lynch got rough? I….I know…you did…at first….and I always found a story but after some time I came back and I was determined that this time, when you asked….I'll tell the truth…but ….but nobody asked again. Hannibal only got angry that I should not overdo it …have to be fit for duty."

"I …Face I…I can't tell you. I should have asked more…we should have…I don't know. We always teased you and it seemed you are always in on the jokes. Why didn't you also tell us to stop, that we were hurting you?"

"As if that would have helped."

"What do you mean?"

"I did, when I was young, and experience taught me to better laugh along and endure the jokes than to complain. The jokes will only get worse if they notice how much it really gets to me. Better behave as if I wasn't bothered then they would eventually get bored and look for another victim."

"Oh Face, but not with us. We're not a bunch of kids out to hurt each other. You could have told us…told me."

Face just shrugged and didn't talk again.

"Face?"

"Hm?"

"Some months before Ecuador, when we had that client that turned out to be a trap, you were late and limped. What happened?"

"You noticed?"

"Sure I did, we all did."

"But…but…I thought…why didn't you say something? I thought…I had learned to…to keep it hidden." Face visibly slumped. So they were still doing it. They still didn't care.

"Face, it was a bit hectic…no that's an excuse…fact is I can't tell why we behave that way towards you."

Face sighed. "An old lady hit me with her car. I took a taxi close to our meeting point and was walking the rest when she rounded the corner and didn't see me. She…she was a nice lady…was concerned I may be injured and wanted to call the ambulance….."

'Unlike us' Murdock thought with a stab of guilt.

"I couldn't just run away from her….would have been faster than me anyway. I told her I was fine and needed to go but she insisted to take me… told her I had a meeting two blocks away, I felt so bad lying to her, she was really nice to me. She took me back two blocks in the other direction and then I went into an office building, waited until she was gone and then walked back to our meeting point. Only my pace….arghh, not again…."

Another leg cramp hit but this time not as severe, Murdock was able to massage it away relatively fast.

"My pace was slower…couldn't limp too bad…would draw attention. That's why I was so late."

"And you rather endured Hannibal being angry at you than telling us what had happened."

Face shrugged again, "Thought you would laugh."

"Oh Face, what do we do with you."

"I'm cold."

"Come here, I'll hold you closer. Now sleep, it's late. You need your rest."

Face slept for a couple of hours before the nightmares began. He would start mumbling and his body would tremble in fear. Murdock held him close and kept his body as still as possible while talking to him soothingly. Eventually his body would relax and he would settle down for a little while until the next one hit.

Shortly after sunrise, Face woke with a start as a pain unlike any he had felt before ripped through his leg. He began thrashing wildly and all Murdock could do was hold on for dear life and scream for help.

He didn't know where he was only that his thigh was on fire and somebody was holding him down. He flashed back and suddenly he was lying on the ground with Lynch dragging the wire across his skin; marking and damaging him both inside and out. "Help…me…please. Hannibal…please…no…Hannibal."

Hannibal and B.A. ran into the room, leaving Mrs. B. standing in the doorway just in case they needed her. Hannibal heard Face calling for him and he pushed some pillows aside and knelt next to the bed. "I'm here, kid. You're safe. Nobody's going to hurt you again."

But Face was too consumed by the overwhelming pain to hear him. "Please…don't…please…stop."

Hannibal grabbed Face's hands and Face right away tried to pull away. "Don't…don't hurt…hurt me…please."

"It's okay, Face. It's Hannibal…I've got you."

Murdock looked at B.A. and said, "I think he's having a spasm from the way his leg is shaking."

"I'm on it," came the gruff reply. B.A. was terrified of doing more damage than good, but he had paid close attention to Mark as he would massage the leg. Though he doubted Face could hear him, he didn't want to do anything without letting him know. "I'm gonna try to work out this cramp, Faceman. I'll try not to hurt ya."

But it did hurt and Face gasped and writhed in agony as the strong hands moved along his leg. "I'm sorry…I'm sorry," B.A. kept repeating softly. He looked up and saw his mama watching him; she nodded her approval and that gave him the strength to go on.

Face heard voices talking to him. It wasn't Lynch…it sounded like the team. Why were they hurting him again? What did he do this time? "Han…bal? Why…hurt…me? Don't…under...understand."

"Face, kid, we're trying to help you. I know we've hurt you before…but right now you have to believe me. Tell me what you're feeling."

Face was conflicted; should he trust them? They had hurt him before. He looked into the blue eyes in front of him and saw concern looking back. It reminded him that there had been so many other times when they had helped him. He decided it was time to take a chance and let them back in.

"Leg…bad," he panted, now willingly squeezing Hannibal's hands.

"I'm workin' on that, Faceman," B.A. said.

"You hang in there, Muchacho. We're going to get you through this."

It was another few minutes before the pain subsided. Face collapsed back against Murdock exhausted. Murdock could feel Face's heart pounding way too fast and his breathing sounded shallow and forced. They held their positions, each man touching Face in some way to let him know they were there and that they cared. Even after his body calmed down they didn't move.

Mrs. B. smiled at the sight before her…at least it was a start. She slipped out the door and quietly closed the door behind her.


	63. Chapter 63

Chapter 63:

"Face, we need to talk," Hannibal started.

"I…I'm…s…sorry," Face apologized. "Never…never…should have…said anything. In…past."

"No…no, kid. Don't apologize. Just because something happened in the past, it doesn't mean that it is okay or that it doesn't hurt."

Murdock put on his best English accent. "Contrary to popular belief, time does not heal all wounds."

"Ain't that…the…truth," Face rasped. "It's…been…over ten years…and this leg…still is…causing trouble." Face was shocked when Hannibal began to tear up; his big, strong colonel looked so fragile and lost. "I…I…didn't…mean…anything by…that."

Hannibal shook his head. "I know…it's just that if I hadn't of been such a complete jerk this would have never happened."

"It's…it's okay."

"No, it ain't," B.A. said angrily. "We was judgin' you…and it wasn't fair. We still be treatin' you like crap too often."

"You have every right to be angry with us, buddy," Murdock said giving Face a squeeze.

"We've taken you for granted. I think we forget that because you look so perfect on the outside, it doesn't mean that you feel that way on the inside."

Hannibal's words hit Face like a ton of bricks. He just summarized exactly how he had been feeling…how he always felt. It wasn't easy to be called 'Face' and to live up to an image when on the inside he felt exactly the opposite. The tears began to flow, once again, and he didn't know if they would ever end.

Nobody spoke; they just let him release all of his pent up emotion. When the tears let up and he was finally able to speak Face said, "I'm sorry. I…never…used to…let myself…cry. Making…up for…lost…time."

"Was it something I said?" Hannibal asked softly.

"You…you…put into…words what…I never…could. People…take one…look and…think I have…it all…together. But…but…I feel…so…so," his voice cracked, "broken."

"You aren't broken, kid. Right now you're just a little banged up. And we're going to see to it that you get better. But you need to let us help you. Tell us when you are hurting or when we do something that upsets you. Deal?"

"Deal," Face agreed with a genuine smile…the first one they had seen in days.

"It's still very early Face. This is not over, there's a lot more things that need to be said but for now I want you to sleep a little more. Those antibiotics left you very weak. The little weight you gained is gone again and you're still getting sick. You don't have any energy to waste. Let your body rest, we're all here and going nowhere. Rest."

"Still making trouble."

"What are you ramblin' about fool?"

"Face, you said 'still making trouble' do you mean you had pains for all those years?"

"Just…uhm…really…"

"We have a deal, don't forget it."

"Just sometimes, not too often, really. Just when we have to run for long distances and it goes away real fast afterwards." Face tried to stifle a yawn.

"Rest now, close your eyes." Hannibal felt guilty. 'No wonder the kid hates my training weekends, I always make sure we run at least half of the time.'

Face shivered under his blanket and shifted a bit to get closer to Murdock who was still curled against his back. BA got up and put a second blanket over Face before settling back in his chair and that was the last movement for hours. When Mrs. B had finished preparing the breakfast she came to relieve them to eat but nobody was willing to go. Even her idea to relieve them one by one fell on deaf ears. She finally gave up and left them to their watch.

Face woke up around noon. It was the first time in a very long time that he didn't wake up due to pain. When checking through his body as to what made him wake up he realized it was hunger. He was still surrounded by his three teammates. Murdock was asleep and so was BA. Only Hannibal sat there holding his hand and looking down at him with sad blue eyes. Face felt a stab of guilt knowing that he had caused this sadness.

"Hey there. Had a good rest kid?"

"Hmm." His throat was so try, speaking didn't work well.

"Are you okay Face? Do you need anything?"

"Wa'er"

"What? Oh sorry." Hannibal placed a straw in his mouth. "Here you go…small sips."

Face drunk some but it was difficult in the position he was in. He ended up swallowing some the wrong way and was coughing, the cough started the pain in his leg and he couldn't hold back some whimpers of pain. As a result Murdock and BA woke up.

"So…sorry."

"When will you ever stop apologizin' man."

There was still some thick silence in the room and nobody wanted to speak first. Eventually Face's stomach took the honor and rumbled loudly.

"You hungry, Faceman?"

"A bit."

"That's good news. What do you want?"

"Don't know. Just hungry. Anything."

Hannibal left the room and shortly appeared with a bowl of what looked like cereal drowned in milk. "I wanted oatmeal but couldn't find oats."

Murdock took one look at it and wrinkled his nose. "Colonel, this looks awful. Did you try to eat this? I'll get you a sandwich, Faceman. Before anybody got a chance to protest Murdock was out of the door.

"Want to try the cereal Face?" He didn't but he didn't also want to disappoint Hannibal. BA came to the rescue.

"You want him to get better or more sick? This doesn't look edible at all."

Before they could get into a discussion about the oatmeal supplementary Murdock came back with a sardine sandwich.

"You both nuts. How can you bring such foods to a sick person?"

"Fish is healthy." Murdock tried to defend his sandwich.

"And tastes yucky when it makes a reappearance. You gotta think ahead fool. I can smell Mama's lunch. Let me see if I can fetch you something. And you two fools leave the Faceman alone. Doesn't need no sardine sandwich or soaked whatever-it-is."

With that BA was gone too. He found the food was not ready and instead settled for a slice of cake from last evening. Mrs. B. came in the moment he closed the fridge.

"Bosco Baracus, won't you spoil your appetite with cake that close to lunch. Put the cake back."

"Ain't for me mama, Faceman's hungry."

"And you want to feed him cake? The man's ill son."

"Shoulda seen what them other two fools tries to feed him."

"Can't a woman leave the kitchen for some minutes without you people wreaking havoc?" She stormed off towards Face's room with a thermos bottle in hand. She found a slightly green Face between Murdock who was eating his sandwich himself and Hannibal who didn't know what to do with his food.

"Out of here, all of you." They didn't want to go but Face said it was okay.

"They have no idea what to feed a sick person. Here, let's raise you a little so it's easier for you to eat."

She poured something from the bottle into a cup."I made you chicken broth with a little noodles inside."

Face drunk from the cup that was held to his lips. After about half a cup he signaled he couldn't go on.

"Let's keep you raised for a little while to help keep the food inside. You don't look happy. What's the matter?"

"I…I made a big mistake Mama."

"Why?"

"Shouldn't have said anything. I destroyed the team, they are all different now. I destroyed my family."

"You didn't destroy anything, was 'bout time they changed their behavior towards you."

"No, you don't understand. Hannibal's sad…I made them all sad. They'll get bored with this and leave. I always liked the banter between us and I don't think they can be that free around me again. I was always told I should be happy if somebody wanted me, shouldn't be picky."

"Hush this kind of talking Templeton. I don't want to catch you thinking low of yourself again. You pick your friends and you did a fine selection."

Face briefly considered to find out why BA didn't wear any gold but decided against it.

Outside the guys had their first alone time together and Murdock told them in summary what Face had told him. He left out some of the more gruesome details of the sexual assault on the night of B.A.'s party. Face had opened up only to the pilot, and if he wanted the others to know it was his story to tell. But Murdock did mention how angry Face was and how he felt as if they looked down at him. When he told them about Face getting hit by the car and not saying anything because he was afraid they would just laugh, both Hannibal and BA hung their heads in shame.

They sat down to eat while mama stayed with Face, but none of them were very hungry. They more or less pushed the food around thinking of the past and what they had to do in the near future. Before too long the future became present and it was time to do the exercises again. They had already left out the morning session and as a result this one promised to be extra tough.

Face felt more prepared for the pain this time. He was physically stronger and the team was on much better standing. He was still upset that he had messed up and that they would look at him differently from now on…and perhaps eventually leave. But at least they were talking to him and appeared sincerely sorry and concerned.

He soon realized that there were pros and cons to his improved health. The pros were that his risk of infection had lessened and he didn't feel so sick all the time. The cons were that his being more lucid meant he was more aware of the pain and the anticipation of what was to come left him terrified. Both a pro and a con was that they were able to push the limits of his training, and that is how Hannibal started.

"Face, Mark and Maggie will be back tomorrow and at that point the goal is to get you upright again. Since you are feeling better, we need to increase the intensity a little. I'm going to press a little harder and stretch a little further."

Face nodded and said, "I'm tired of lying in this bed…just do what you need to do. I'll be okay." Face closed his eyes and bit down on the corner of a blanket that was draped over his shoulders.

The routine was the same as before…massage followed by range of motion stretches. What was different, however, was that Hannibal spoke to him the entire time telling him what he was doing. Murdock and B.A. would throw in words of encouragement in between.

Their support was the only thing that got him through the grueling process. It felt as if his leg was being pulled from the rest of his body; he was biting down so hard on the blanket that his jaw began to ache. Once again he began feeling lightheaded from the pain, but he kept quiet and focused on his breathing. Face didn't even realize that it was over and they were talking to him. He had opened his eyes and was staring straight ahead, but seeing nothing…he couldn't seem to get a handle on the pain.

"Face, can you hear me?" Hannibal asked in concern. No response. "Face," he tried again. "C'mon, kid, you're starting to scare me."

Murdock left the room to get some clean towels and a basin of cold water while B.A. paced nervously. Face hadn't made a sound the entire time, but it was obvious now just how bad he had been hurting.

Hannibal was still trying to coax Face back to them a few minutes later as Murdock lay cool towels on his forehead and neck. Out of the blue Face asked weakly, "How'd…I…do?"

"You did great, kid. I'm real proud. How're you feeling?" The relief was evident in his voice.

"Okay. Hurts…but can…take it. Tired…so tired," he yawned.

"Try to get some sleep. You earned it."

Face was asleep before Hannibal finished his last sentence. They were all beyond exhausted and decided that unless they got some real sleep none of them would be of any use when the doctors returned the next day.

"I'll take first shift," B.A. offered.

After Hannibal and Murdock left, B.A. sat in the chair by Face's side. He found himself struggling to keep his eyes open and he quickly lost the battle. It was Face who woke him a couple of hours later when he let out an involuntary moan.

B.A. jumped up. "What…where…what happened?"

Face half grimaced and half smiled at the larger man. "Sorry…moved…wrong. Didn't mean…to wake you."

"You okay?"

"Yeah." There was a long gap before he added, "Are you?"

"Sure, man. Why you askin?"

"You aren't wearing your gold. I don't think I've ever seen you without it until the other day."

B.A. looked embarrassed. "Oh…that. I don't deserve to wear it anymore." He sat back down hard on his chair.

"What? What are you talking about?"

"You tried givin' me that chain for my birthday, even after what you had gone through and after we treated you like crap, not visiting you and all, and I accused you of stealin' it. I was a fool…don't want to wear my gold no more. Wanted you to know how sorry I am. I'm sorry, man…real sorry."

Face was touched that he meant so much to B.A. that he would give up his gold for him. "B.A., thank you. It means a lot…a whole lot. But…no offence…you don't look right without it…you look naked," he grinned mischievously. "Not to mention that now we can't hear you coming…puts us at an even greater disadvantage when you come after us for drugging you."

B.A. laughed. "Point taken man…feels strange without it too, although it might take me a week to get it all back on."

"S'okay. It's not like I'm going anywhere, anytime soon."

"Dunno, Faceman. You gonna be on them feet of yours in less than 24 hours."

Face smiled wide, but something about that statement made his heart beat faster and put butterflies in his stomach. He was so ready to get on his feet again. The short time in between where he was able to walk on his own and take care of his basic needs for himself had felt so good. But he also dreaded the changes all his revelations would bring in everyday life. How were they going to treat him? Would they stay or would they leave him?


	64. Chapter 64

Chapter 64:

"If you wanna walk you need some strength. It's getting' close to supper, better rest some more. Mama will soon come with food, if this thin thing you're drinkin' qualifies as such, and not long after we have to do the last exercise for the day."

After supper Hannibal sat with Face while BA helped his Mama in the kitchen. "Why you feeding him only water? How's he supposed to get stronger?"

"It's soup, not water. His stomach can't take more, he has to start gradually. I increase the solid contents all the time and it's doing him good."

"Must be hard to smell all the nice things you cook and not be allowed to taste them."

Mrs. B. was laughing."Sure would be hard on you, you like eating too much. And don't worry, I'm planin' to let him taste my cookin' as soon as the doctors allow it. He sure needs to eat more, thin as he is."

"He'll like it…and if not, I can always finish it for him."

Mrs. B. was just shaking her head. "I can see some gold around your neck son. I thought you had finally given up looking like a jewelry store."

"Faceman asked me too. Said I look naked without it. For now I've only selected those that he gave to me over the years, wanna show him that I value it."

"So you stubborn men finally talked and are good?"

"Yeah, we are good."

"And why did that take so long?"

"Uhm..we…we was just waitin' for the right time."

"That's bull son and you know it. Don't look so shocked as if you never heard your mama talkin' before. Don't you see how good it does to have all them things off his chest? He hasn't thrown up in some time and his leg cramps have also gotten less. Next time come clean straight and not after days, understood?"

"Understood, Mama."

So he had thrown up when she was alone with him, but BA didn't need to know that. Also it was mainly the fact that he was off the meds that made him physically better but if those men wouldn't want to see reason Mama Baracus didn't have any qualms to install some guilt in them.

The evening session was more painful than the one prior, but Face tolerated it as well as could be expected. As hard as he tried, however, he couldn't help but break down when Hannibal started bending his knee in toward his chest. The whole side and back of his thigh burned ferociously and the tears flowed from his eyes as he panted and moaned.

Hannibal took one look at Face at that point and knew that it was time to stop. "What do you say we call it a night?"

"No…I'm okay…keep going," Face protested. If he was going to ever walk right again, he needed to be strong.

"Face, we were just about done anyway," Murdock said putting a straw to Face's lips so he could drink some water. "You're just extra sore from all the work we did on that leg today."

"Yeah, Faceman," B.A. chimed in. "You need yo rest for tomorrow."

Face felt frustrated, but he knew they were right. He wiped away the tears from his cheeks and bit at his lower lip.

Hannibal could see the defeated look in his eyes. "You're really amazing…you know that, kid?"

"Huh?"

"We just put you through hell and you're upset because we're stopping." The pride was evident in his voice.

"You one tough dude," B.A. smiled.

Murdock leaned into Face as if to tell him a secret, but made sure to talk loud enough for them all to hear. "You're even tougher then that big angry mudsucker over there."

B.A. growled and made a move as if to go after Murdock until he saw Face chuckle. "You got Faceman to laugh…and that the only reason I ain't gonna whip your behind."

"I'm going to bunk in here with Face tonight," Hannibal said. "Can I trust you two boys to behave or do I have to have Mrs. B. babysit you?"

"That depends on if the fool calls me a mudsucker again."

"I always call you a mudsucker…you mudsucker."

Murdock and B.A. walked out the door arguing the whole way. "Some things never change," Hannibal sighed shaking his head.

Face's smile vanished and he whispered, "And other things do."

"Hey, why so glum?"

"It's…um…it's nothing," Face stuttered. "Guess my leg just hurts."

Hannibal pulled a chair up right next to the bed and sat. "I know it does, kid. But I don't think that's all that is bothering you."

"It's just that I'm afraid things will never be the way they used to be…you know…like before you knew all of these..um… things about me."

Hannibal thought for a moment before speaking. "I'm afraid you're right…they never will be the same."

Face's heart sank and he looked away from Hannibal not wanting to see his face when Hannibal told him they were leaving.

"Let me explain. They won't be the same because we know now how badly we have treated you at times. We're going to do our best to fix that."

"You…you mean…you aren't going to leave once I'm better?"

Hannibal shook his head and smiled. "How can we get it through to you that you are stuck with us?" Hannibal expected a smile, but instead saw a frown. "That is if you want us?"

"Of course…I…I…just…I'm so confused." Face closed his eyes not wanting to go there.

"Talk to me, kid," Hannibal pleaded, hoping to pull him back in before the walls went up for good.

"I'm afraid…that when…you look…at me…all you'll see…is…is…is the bad...bad stuff…I did." Face was starting to lose control of his emotions and he didn't like it.

"Oh, kid," Hannibal said. "First of all, you didn't do anything bad…bad things were done to you. There is a big difference." He took Face's hand and was relieved when the younger man didn't pull away. "You want to know what I see when I look at you?"

"Not…sure," Face gasped out…his heart was racing.

"I see a talented, smart, funny and brave man. I see my second in command…my friend…a man I'd trust my life with and have done so before." Hannibal paused and squeezed the hand he held. "I see my son."

"You…you…do?" The room was tilting and he felt dizzy.

"Yes, I do. We love you for who you are…all of you. Things feel strange now because you've been sick and are injured. Once you're better, everything will feel right again."

"Pro…promise?

Hannibal's heart was breaking…Face sounded so scared…so childlike. "I promise."

Face smiled and was quiet for a few moments as he willed himself to calm down. Hannibal had just told him what he wanted to hear for so long…he should be happy. So why did it feel like he was having a heart attack? "Han…bal. Don't…feel…good."

Hannibal became concerned. Face was covered in sweat and he could literally see his heart fluttering in his chest. "Look at me, son. Just look at me and breathe." Face did as told. "You're okay. I'll take care of you…just breathe."

Slowly, Face felt better and less like he was crawling out of his skin. "Th…thanks," he said. "Just…got…worked up. I'm…" he stopped in the middle of his thought, still not ready to be completely open.

But Hannibal wasn't about to let that happen. "You're what?"

"Scared."

"About tomorrow?" Face nodded. "Mark and Maggie aren't expecting you to run laps…that'll be my job soon enough," he tried to joke.

"I…know. But…but…I'm just lying here…and it…it hurts so much. How am ...I gonna stand…or sit? What…what if…I can't…walk…right?"

Hannibal was a bit shocked, but he tried not to show it. The Face he knew would always downplay his injuries. For him to be admitting that he wasn't sure he would have full use of his leg again spoke to just how badly he must be suffering. "Just remember, whatever happens, kid, we're in it together. We'll take it one step at a time."

Not another word was spoken until the next morning. Face had fallen into a deep sleep that took him through the entire night. He woke to the sound of a car pulling up and Hannibal looking out the window.

Face was looking forward to seeing his doctors again, but he was dreading it at the same time…and with good cause.

Mrs. B. opened the door for the two doctors and a waft of delicious breakfast scents greeted them.

"Mhhh, those guys must be enjoying themselves. I'm surprised Face didn't come to open the door with the kind of care he's getting. Let's see if the Lieutenant wants to walk to the breakfast table, shall we?" Mark was in good spirits. However, that changed as soon as he saw Face, lying in the bed on his good side, looking as fragile as ever.

Maggie too frowned at the sight. Although Face gave his best winning smile it didn't convince them in the least."Face, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fi…"

"The truth please."

"Bit dizzy and in quite some pain."

"Where does it hurt?"

"Hmm, leg, head…"

"And the minor parts in between from the way you look." Mark finished for him. "Belly still giving you troubles?"

"Only sometimes, it's way better."

"You still throwing up?"

Face was embarrassed, after all everybody had come to the room to see him walk. "Uhmm… not as often."

"You don't look as if you have kept much of anything inside. John?"

"He's been drinking water and soup and the time he was able to keep it inside has increased. Yesterday's supper was the first to not come back out at all."

"Looks like we've been a bit over enthusiastic with getting you on your feet today. The meds took longer to work their way out of your system than I thought."

"But…but I can do it…Mark, please…let me try."

"I think it's too early Face, you're too weak."

Hannibal remembered the way Face seemed to look forward to getting back on his feet and saw the disappointed look now "Can't we give it a try Mark?"

"Hmmm, I want to see your vitals and a complete check up of your body before we make a decision." The vitals were okay, the leg wound was healing a bit slow for his liking but it was healing anyway. "So far so good, now turn on your back for me so I can see your abdomen."

Face went pale at the thought to lie back, let alone do it.

"What? Don't tell me you've been laying on your side all the time." A small nod from Face confirmed his fears. "Face, you need to change positions, your side will be sore. Lay on your back or on your stomach if it doesn't hurt too much. You can put a pillow under your leg to take some pressure off the wound. It shouldn't be so tender and sensitive by now. Have the leg cramps not let up?"

"They have but he was still hit by three to four severe ones yesterday and some smaller spasms." Hannibal spoke for him.

"Okay, turn on your back. I'll place a pillow under your leg, don't be afraid."

Face did as was told. The pain when his leg made contact with the bed was bad but he was able to keep all sounds inside. His face however was a mask of agony.

"Your belly is okay. But there's no way you're going to stand today. We just have to postpone it."

"Nooo, I can do it..please. I'm so tired of this bed."

"Face, it doesn't make any sense to try. You need to sit up to get adjusted before you stand or you'll faint. You can hardly lie on your back, let alone sit."

"What if Hannibal and I hold him up instead of sitting?" BA put in.

"It's not going to work, he's much too weak. We can try again in another three days if you have gathered some strength by then."

Hannibal saw how crushed Face was and wanted so bad to help him. "But if we hold him up, he can at least get a feel of how it is to stand again."

"I said no, I'm not going to put him in any risk. Let's do the exercises. I want to see how you're doing them; maybe we can increase your therapy there. Lift your leg please."

"Face tried to lift his leg but could raise it only a few centimeter before the pain forced him to give up.

"And you wanted to stand on those legs? Trust me, it wouldn't have worked."

They went through the morning exercise and Mark corrected and increased here and there. By the time they were through Face was withering in pain and tears were sliding down his cheeks.

"Sorry Face, three more days and we'll try again. Do your exercises and eat and rest well. I'm sure with Mrs. B. feeding you your strength will return in no time."

Maggie had intentionally stayed in the back not wanting to make this harder on Face as it had to be. She too had hoped to find a stronger Face this morning and saw how much hope Face had had to get out of this bed. Now it wasn't too likely to happen in the immediate future.

Face didn't make it to breakfast. Before Mrs. B. could come with a tray he had fallen into a deep sleep again. The examination and exercise coupled with his weak state had wiped him out.

"I'm kicking myself for doing the operation now, should have waited a couple of months. He didn't recover enough in between. It wasn't giving him any physical problems."

"But he needed it removed, and once he had recovered from the other problems there would have been missions and whatever and no time to get injured again. It was a good time even if it means he takes longer to heal physically. Mentally he is now finally able to confront himself with his emotions and work his way through the trauma. It was the right thing to do, Mark."

"Yeah, you're probably right, Maggie…but it doesn't make it any easier to see him suffer."

Hannibal had one important question left. "Will he regain full use of that leg?"

"Oh sure, if I had had the least doubt on that I would never have agreed to do the surgery, not with your status as fugitives and not in your line of work. I can't tell you how long it will take but I have no doubt that he'll make a full recovery."

"Now that our patient is out, what do we do with this wonderful morning?"

"What about breakfast? I cooked plenty."

"Sounds good, and smells even better. John, what about you and I stay with Face and when the others have finished we exchange?"

"Are you sure it's a good idea to let BA eat first? On the other hand getting to spend some alone time with you is worth skipping breakfast." Hannibal drew Maggie close for a long kiss.

"You take your time, I can always cook more. But keep it quiet on this bunk bed, there's a sick person in the room."

"Mama!"

"Oh come off it Bosco, how do you think you came to be?"

With the exception of BA everybody had a good laugh and soon Maggie and Hannibal were alone.

"Hank sends his greetings."

"Any news from Matthews?"

"He's at the hospital ward of the prison right now. Apparently someone spread the rumor that he had raped a minor."

"Is it a rumor? Face was just a kid. Does it matter whether he was 21 by age? I don't even know how old he was but to me he was just a scared kid. Feigning confidence on the outside and so messed up on the inside."

Eventually breakfast was over and the doctors decided to stay for the day to get a chance to really assess Face. Mrs. B, BA and Murdock went to buy groceries while Hannibal, Mark and Maggie stayed back. After some time the lights began to flatter.

"Oh no, not now, that generator has been giving us problems and now BA's not here. I'm going to check in it."

"Let me join you Hannibal, let's see if it needs a doctor."

"Ah Mark, I'm not sure BA will approve of you using a scalpel on it."

Face woke to a spasm in is leg. He was still a bit dazed from earlier on and needed a minute to figure out where he was and what was going on.

"Maggie, where's everybody."

"Gone…"

Maggie went on explaining where everyone was but Face didn't hear it. They were gone, all of them gone. Face's heart was beating faster. But Hannibal had promised…he had promised. He couldn't breathe…he couldn't hear…and he couldn't see. He could only feel extreme pain…both in his leg and in his heart.

Maggie approached Face slowly, not liking the dazed look in his eyes. She stopped dead in her tracks as he bolted upright in bed. He had turned as white as the sheets that surrounded him.

"Face, I need you to stay still." Face was somewhere else in his mind, and Maggie knew she needed to stay away from him until Hannibal returned.

Face, in his delirium, heard, 'I need you to', and his brain filled it in the rest with, 'move a hot water heater'. He swung his legs over the side of the bed seemingly oblivious to the fact that he was wounded.

"Don't move, Lieutenant," Maggie commanded. It always seemed to work when Hannibal pulled rank, it was worth a try.

But Face heard, "Move it, Lieutenant." He put his feet onto the floor and stood up.

Maggie was stunned to see Face standing on both feet. He teetered for a few seconds still in a haze, but then the pain kicked in. His eyes opened wide with the recognition of where he was and what he was doing. He came crashing to the floor in a heap landing directly on the injured thigh.

Maggie and Face let out simultaneous screams; Maggie's in fear and Face's in agony.

She rushed over and knelt beside the figure that had curled itself into the fetal position. "Face, don't move…can you hear me?" Face groaned a reply and she added, "I'm going to run and get Mark. I need you to stay completely still…understand?" Another groan and she was out the door and sprinting.

Maggie had said she was going to get Mark; no mention of Hannibal or the others. 'They really did leave,' he thought.

Face felt something wet running down his leg. He looked in the direction of the wetness and saw red…literally. There was blood dripping onto the floor slowly. He was mesmerized by the sight and for a moment it was as if he forgot that it was coming out of his own body.

He began feeling sick; the nausea building in waves intertwined with sadness and feelings of rejection. 'The guys were so excited for my therapy today…and I let them all down…that's why they left me.' The blood loss was making it harder to think straight and his mind began to swirl. He thought if he could get himself back onto his feet and show Mark and Maggie, that it might convince the others to come back.

Face forced himself up onto his forearms. His thigh screamed as it pushed into the ground. He rolled onto his good side and then used his arms to drag himself across the floor and over to the window ledge. The sweat was pouring down his face and into his eyes further blurring his already compromised vision.

One hand at a time he reached for the window sill and pulled himself up high enough so he could just barely see out. He managed to get onto his knees and hung there, muscles burning and breathing hard. 'C'mon, Peck…stand up…you're almost there,' he screamed on the inside.

He bent his good leg and put that foot on the ground taking all pressure off the bad one using his arms to hold him up. He began to weep in pain and exhaustion as he bent the injured leg and dragged the foot to meet the other. He leaned heavily onto the window and looked outside at three figures running toward the house. He would have sworn one of them was Hannibal.

"But…but…it can't be," Face whispered out loud to himself before collapsing back onto the ground.

They were almost at the door when Hannibal looked up and saw a body in Face's window. "It can't be," he said out loud.

"What?"

They all stopped for a moment and saw Face disappearing from the window.

'Hannibal's here, maybe he hasn't left yet. Or I just imagined it. No, it was him, have to prove I can stand, he needs me, need to get the water boiler.' Face's mind was swirling, he was mixing past and present but he knew he had to get back on his feet. He reached out for the window and tried to pull himself up again.

That was how Maggie, Mark and Hannibal found him, legs twisted in what looked like a painful position, hands clutched to the window board and upper body supported by the wall. There was blood smeared on the wall, the window and the floor. Face was oblivious to the people entering the room.

Hannibal was at his side in a flash. "Face, what are you doing? You can't stand up."

But Face pulled away "I can, don't need to leave me. …I'll….prove."

"Shh kid, nobody's leaving you. I promised, remember?"

Mark was trying to stop the blood flow with Maggie trying to hold him still but it only got Face to struggle harder. "Hannibal whatever he's in, get him out of it. I can't get to stop the blood flow if he's agitated like this."

"Hann'bal needs ….me…water…boiler."

"No kid, I don't need any water boiler, you are sick, keep still."

"No….no….I can…..do….." Face's voice trailed off and his eyes rolled back into his head.


	65. Chapter 65

Gemma 72: Good catch, maybe if it was in a shed a bit away, with the door closed and the generator making noice...

Chapter 65:

"On the table, I need some proper light; these trees never allow enough daylight to come in."

Just as Mark and Hannibal lifted Face on the table, Murdock, BA and Mrs. B. came in. They had seen the open front door which nobody had bothered to close and wasted no time in getting to Face's room. The sight in front of them was shocking.

"My god, what happened?" but nobody minded Mrs. B.

"BA, get to the generator, Murdock get the torch lights from the van." Hannibal barked out while pressing on the wound.

Maggie had found one torch light and was holding it for Mark who had gathered his equipment. Mrs. B. just stood there shocked and couldn't move. Unlike the others she was not used to seeing large bleeding wounds, let alone a doctor cleaning it and preparing to stitch it up.

Face's wound had reopened in several places. Mark had to remove some of the old stitches before he was able to clean it well and re-stitch it.

It took only minutes until BA had the generator going and the light came on. Soon Face was patched up and resting in ready to be transferred to the bed.

"John, what was it with the water boiler? He said that before too… that you need him to get a water boiler."

"I guess he was back at one of our missions. Some crazy self made pastor had captured us. Face got knocked out with the butt of a gun and when he was lucid again I needed him to carry a water heater with me."

"With a concussion? Couldn't that wait?"

"No Maggie, it couldn't. We needed to build a kind of canon from it, surviving came first. And he didn't show any symptoms at the time…was already flirting with a girl."

"And if I remember well he puked all over BA's van less than 30 minutes after we left." Murdock couldn't resist adding.

"John, have you ever heard about bed rest for a concussed person?"

"I have, only Face here has a problem with that. As soon as we were a good distance away we got a motel room and I made Face rest. We were one step short of tying him down. Anytime we turned our back he was out of the bed claiming he was fine, after all he was able to fight, and he didn't need to lay down now."

"And our big mud…ehm …guy threatened to sit down on top of him if he wouldn't stay put. That did the trick for a while." Murdock remembered last second that BA's Mama was around. He turned to find out whether she had noticed his slip up.

"Mama, are you alright?"

She was looking at Face like in trance and it just now occurred to the others that she had not said a word.

"The poor baby. That's just cruel."

"Don't worry, it's a set back and he'll be in some pain once he wakes up, but no real damage was done, nothing that won't heal. We're going to replace the lost blood with some fluids so he won't feel too lightheaded until his body has produced more," Mark tried to calm her.

"Why don't you join me in the kitchen and I make us some tea?" Maggie wanted to get her out of the room and away from the bloody sight and it would have worked if Face had not moaned at that moment.

"Face, kid, how are you doing?"

He opened his eyes to see Hannibal looming over him. When he looked around everybody apart from BA was there. His head pounded and he felt dizzy but he forced himself to think. 'They are not gone or they came back. Yes, they were gone, now they are back, because I stood up. But they are all looking at me expectantly. Okay Peck, man up. They want you to walk. Just two steps, should be enough to convince them. Just get up and do two little steps, you learned walking quite a while ago, shouldn't be a problem.'

To everybody's surprise, instead of answering Hannibal's question Face suddenly sat up in bed. He tried to move his legs to the side of the bed, but instead pitched forward. He would have fallen over the side if Hannibal hadn't been there to catch him. "Whoa…where do you think you're going, kid?"

Face didn't answer, just hung limply in Hannibal's arms. He was completely devoid of strength and confused. Hannibal held him close and considered for a brief moment staying like that, until Mark came over and said, "we need to get him lying down to take pressure off of the wound." Sensing Hannibal's hesitation at cutting the physical contact, he suggested, "why don't you scoot your body back on the bed and let him lay against you for a while?"

Once Face was using Hannibal as a pillow, he started mumbling softly to himself, "Get up…I know your head hurts…play it cool. Hannibal needs…you…to move something…you can rest later. Ribs hurt…try not to breathe too deep. It isn't about you…need to help…help save kids…from maniac."

Murdock twisted his cap nervously in his hands and turned to B.A. who was back in the room. "Why does he keep going back to Jamestown?"

"Beats me," B.A. shrugged. "Faceman say lots of crazy things when he low on the red stuff. He almost sounds as crazy as you."

Murdock furrowed his brow and rubbed his chin while thinking. "You know…after we dropped him off, we didn't hear from him for a few days."

"So?"

"So, Face usually calls me at least once a day just to say 'hi'."

"Yeah…and you know…I remember Hannibal bein' pissed off that Face didn't check in with him either."

Face's speech became incoherent and he was starting to shake. "Mark, what's going on?" Hannibal asked as re-connected machines started beeping furiously.

"Rapid heartbeat…low blood pressure," he reported. "He's in early shock from the blood loss. I need to get that IV started ASAP."

"Anything we can do?" Murdock asked.

"Yes, can you grab some extra pillow so we can elevate his legs. I would rather not move his leg, but we need to help the blood flow return to his heart. Hannibal, move out from under him, his upper body needs to be flat."

"On it," Murdock and B.A. said at the same time. And though it wouldn't take the two of them to accomplish the task, they both left feeling the need to do something to help.

"Han…han…bal," Face gasped.

"Yeah, I'm here, kid. You back with me?"

"Yeah…Am…I…I…dying?"

Hannibal stroked the hair away from his eyes; it had been a long time since his last haircut and his blonde locks had grown quite longer than he usually kept it. "No, Face…no."

"Why…why…feel…so…bad?"

The voice was so weak that Hannibal had to struggle to hear. "You were having a bit of a flashback and reopened your wound…lost a little blood. That's why you feel badly. It's going to be okay…just be still and relax."

"Want…wanted…to…to…walk," he gulped.

"I know, kid."

"S…sorry…tried. Made…it…worse."

Hannibal kissed Face on the forehead. It felt odd to be so openly affectionate with one of his men…but then again they were more than just his men, they were his family. "Nothing to be sorry for, son. You're going to be just fine. Now rest."

The last thing Face said before passing out was, "water heater."

BA and Murdock came back and soon Face was being bathed to remove the blood he had smeared on his body and was settled. He looked as if he was going to break, with all the wires connected to his bare chest and the crisp white sheet covering his too thin frame, especially in contrast to the blood that still covered the wall and floor. Hannibal couldn't get Face's words out of his head 'Am I dying?'. The way he had said it, so utterly lost. If only he could take the pain away from this boy, he would do it in a heartbeat.

"That water heater really left an impression with him the way he keeps talking about it." Murdock's words broke Hannibal's reverie and took his mind to different words of Face.

"What he mumbled, it doesn't make sense. He wasn't hurt that badly. He said his head hurt and his ribs. He would sure have had a good headache but his ribs?"

"Faceman got hit in the gut before the head remember? Maybe the punch caught his ribs." BA put in.

"No, they were quarreling and some shots went off and then he got hit in the face."

"I didn't see the punch but I sure saw the Faceman fold in half before getting back up. Had a better view from where I was after we split up."

"I never saw that, and you never told me. I didn't check his ribs or stomach, even in the motel."

"There are people in here that haven't been there. While I clean up and Mark is all ears you can tell us the whole story. Mrs. B, do you want to lay down a bit? You don't look so well."

"Oh no, I'm okay. It's just…I don't think I've ever seen that much blood before. But I need to be here and see for myself that my baby is okay."

"It really looks worse than it is, he's smeared it all over the place, makes it look like more. Guys? We're listening."

"It was before we met you, unfortunately for Face. As I said we had to rescue a bunch of kids and subsequently ourselves, from a crazy pastor. Face got hit in the face, and the gut as I just learned, with the butt of a gun. He was out cold but came around relatively fast. However, he couldn't answer simple questions right, had lost one tooth and was bleeding from his mouth and nose. We left him on the sofa of a farmer, together with his daughter and Amy. When I came back he was already flirting with the girl and I ordered him to move that boiler with me. I left before him and had to wait for some minutes before he joined me in the basement. I don't know what happened during that time; I always thought he couldn't tear himself away from the girl. He did stumble a bit but the thing was heavy too. He did behave normal and helped building our machines. BA and I then left and we only reunited with him when we had captured the guy."

"When I came he looked a bit strained. But I didn't know he got hit. I thought it was still from earlier on."

"What happened earlier on Murdock?" Mark was trying to process all the information and felt like in a tennis match with the story going back and forth.

"Hannibal punched him in the head and split his lip."

"What?" came from Maggie and Mrs. B. at the same time.

"It was an accident. We play fought in a store to cause confusion and he ran into my fist. Kid did hit back rather hard for revenge too."

"And we were real nice friends then too. Complained about Hannibal splitting his lip, but not out of concern for him but because his face is our meal ticket. The more I think about what jerks we were over the years the more I wonder why the Faceman still wants us to stick around." BA sadly shook his head.

"I've been wondering about that too. Anytime you come to me and he's the one injured you are all concerned and caring but what I heard in those last weeks is a whole different side of this team. So that was the second time in a day that he got hit in the head?"

"Yeah, first time wasn't concussed though."

"How did it go on?"

"I don't know what role he played during the fight. Afterwards he flirted with the girl and when I told him to come he turned back to the girl for a last kiss and then sprinted after our moving Jeep and jumped in. He seemed totally fine, and then came the part with the van and the motel I already told you."

"Amy told me Face swung that huge hammer to shoot the gas bottles." Murdock supplied.

"He carried heavy objects, swung a hammer, ran and jumped after a moving car…sounds like what the doctor subscribed for concussion. You guys are really something."

"He didn't show any symptoms Maggie, and we did watch him overnight in the motel before we dropped him off." Hannibal felt the need to defend himself.

"Overnight? That is less than 24 hours. With two blows to the head in a day. Have you ever heard of the second blow syndrome? This could have ended bad. Why didn't you watch him for longer?" Maggie's anger rose.

"He was fine and insisted he wanted to be alone. Also we all had stuff to do; BA at the day care, Murdock needed to get back to the VA and I had a shooting for the Aquamaniac in the afternoon."

"Sounds like real good reasons to leave a concussed man alone."

"We didn't hear of him for three days" Murdock went on "and when he didn't call on the fourth day morning we all went to his place. I told him I had missed his calls but never asked what happened. Thinking of it, it took quite some shaking to get him to wake up when we reached his place."

"And I too reprimanded him for not checking in instead of asking."

"And now we can only guess some more…better wait and ask Face when he wakes up next." Maggie closed the topic but in their thoughts everybody stayed with the events of that day.

It was some hours before Face began to stir, and that was only a result of Mark examining the wound. "Hannibal, can you hold his leg still just in case he wakes up."

Hannibal did as requested. It was only the three of them in the room as they had gone back to taking shifts. "How's it look, doc?"

"No signs of infection," he said relieved. "But I want to clean the area, apply an antibacterial ointment and cover it with loose dressing."

Though Mark was extremely gentle and only used a mild soap and water mixture around the stitched tissues, Face began to moan and struggle. "Please, stop. I'll be a good boy…please."

Hannibal held on tightly while at the same time trying to calm Face down and bring him out of whatever nightmare he was reliving. The tragedy was that there were too many of them to keep track of these days. "It's okay, kid. You're safe. It's okay."

"Hurts," he whimpered, eyes still shut.

"I know it does. Mark is just about done…hang in there a little longer."

Face nodded and tried not to make any more sounds. But as Mark started applying the ointment directly onto the wound he gasped loudly and thought he might pass out.

"All done," Mark announced and shortly after the door opened and the rest of the gang joined them.

Maggie, Murdock and B.A. were being fed by Mrs. B. yet again when they heard Face's soft cries and immediately headed in their direction. They waited outside the door, however, until the cleaning was over not wanting to bombard him in the middle of the procedure.

Mark gave Face a few minutes to bring the pain down before asking, "How are you feeling, Face?"

The pain never did come down as much as he would have liked, but at least he felt less lightheaded. "Fine."

"Face," Hannibal scolded in a mock angry tone. "Fine? Do you really expect us to buy that?"

It came out of the blue and surprised everybody present, including the person who's mouth it came out of. "Don't…care…what you…buy. How…do…you…think I…feel?"

Hannibal wasn't sure how to react; Face's tone was back to being angry.

Face turned bright red and any trace of irritation disappeared as quickly as it had come. "I'm…s…sorry. Didn't…mean…it."

Hannibal smiled warmly. "It's okay, Face. I know you must be sick of the question by now."

"Tired of…complaining," he said, wincing noticeably at the pain.

"It's not complainin', Faceman," B.A. said.

"Especially when we ask you," Murdock added.

Face was gritting his teeth at this point and had his fists clenched tightly. "I'm okay…hurts…is all."

"We all here for you, honey," Mrs. B. said. "Ain't nothin' we wouldn't do to make you feel better."

"Unlike some times in the past," Hannibal said, not realizing at first that it was spoken out loud.

Hannibal's comment struck a chord with Face, but he didn't have a chance to explore it further. The pain seemed to be building instead of lessening. He felt so tired and miserable that forming a sentence seemed an impossibility.

Nobody wanted to leave the room while Face was awake. They spoke quietly hoping their banter would distract him from the pain and provide him some small comfort. Their plan worked and after some time Face found himself starting to feel a little better.

When there was a lull in the conversation he took it as an opportunity to ask Hannibal, "What did…you…mean before…Han…bal?"

"Hmm?" Hannibal asked.

"Said…unlike…times…in…past."

"I was talking about Jamestown," Hannibal answered.

Face looked totally bemused. "Jamestown? W…why?"

"You were talking in your sleep again, Facey," Murdock explained.

Face blanched and looked nervous. "Wh…what'd I…s…say?" Hannibal recounted all that had occurred up to and including Face standing up at the window.

"I…I…don't…remember…most of…it. Thought…the window…was…dream."

"You seemed fixated on the water heater," Maggie said.

"Oh…that," Face said a tinge of anger reappearing.

Hannibal sighed, "If I thought you were hurt, kid, I wouldn't have asked you to move it."

Face snorted slightly. "If you…thought…I…was…hurt? I…could…barely…see…straight. Hurt…to…breathe." Face took a deep breath; he didn't want to get emotional. "I…so…so…sick when…you…left...me at…my door."

They were about to hear what really went down after Jamestown, but nobody in the room expected to hear the story Face had to tell.

"Guy…had a…strong punch…and heavy…rifle. …No chance to….block blow…to gut….lucky….lower ribs…caught it. No chance….at all…to block blow…to head…stunned from…gut…blow and…still headache…from….your blow…earlier….You….told me move….thought you would be….waiting for me."

"I knew you were concussed kid, but it seemed to be a light one and Murdock wasn't around, I needed you. I never saw the blow to your gut or I would have checked you over. I mean, you already flirted with the farmer's daughter again."

"But…how…you were there…Amy right there…BA…"

"I know. Amy was right there but we circled around to be behind the guy and I'm sorry, kid, I didn't see that punch. Amy didn't say anything either."

"I saw you fold in half, Faceman. I shoulda said somethin'."

"I…I…you…I…"

"Stop. Stop talking Face." Mark was by his side now blocking his view of the others. "Face, look at me."

"No….need….talk."

"Look at me Face, only at me. Yes, you need to talk and there are three people here that need to listen very carefully but you're getting too agitated. Stop talking for a minute. Look at me Face. That's good, now take some deep breaths, control your breathing and don't let it control you."

Face did as he was told and seemed to calm a little.

"That's better. Now you can go on but slow and steady, remember to control your breathing. You have all the time in the world to tell them everything they need to know. But if I think the conversation is bad for your health I'll interfere, you hear me?" A nod. "Okay, you can go on."

"I…I thought you would wait…outside the room for me…was putting up a front for Amy and the girl…were scarred enough as it was, difficult though…was going to tell you to get the farmer to carry but you were in the basement…already."

"You took quite long to get there, thought you couldn't leave the girl alone. Sorry."

"No, left fast…after you but outside…needed to lean on wall…slid down…out for a moment…when came to wanted to go after…you but staircase….didn't know how to get down…double vision and pain."

"I'm sorry, kid…I should have noticed. I didn't even take the time to check you over properly, left the assessment to Amy and that girl."

"Hannibal please stop interrupting Face, you can make amends later. This is not easy on him. He has to control the pain, the emotions, talking and his breathing. If you keep interrupting him you only make it harder. Face, if it helps you, you can look at me, tell me the story."

"Thanks Mark…I'm okay …for now."

Mark nodded. "Alright then, go on."

"Not mad at you…needed me…kids needed us…I was getting better with adrenalin and jazz…felt good for a while…breathing hurt but okay. Only terrible when swinging heavy hammer."

"Why didn't you let the farmer do it?"

Mark shot Hannibal a warning glare and he raised his hands in surrender.

Face closed his eyes for a moment. He then fixed his gaze on Mark instead of flickering between his team mates.

"Couldn't trust his aim…and felt so good to hit something with the gas bottles. …felt good afterwards…flirted with girl…knew we were going to leave anytime so it was safe" He looked a bit sheepish at that. "Thought you would wait for me, running after the Jeep hurt a little but okay. When we were at the van and the adrenalin….left I started to….to feel real sick. …Vomiting came so fast couldn't control it. Was mad at you at motel…didn't give me peace. …way too loud…hurt my head. Wanted to get out but didn't let me go….TV so loud with cartoons or BA's game and then fighting over the right program…and Amy speaking in her recorder. And Hannibal's darn cigars, made me sick all the time. Too crowded… all in one room."

Mrs. B. couldn't hold back any longer. "Is that a way to treat a sick and injured person? Nice friends you are. I thought I had brought up my son well."

"Mama, I swear I never heard him retchin' and normally we do. We never knew he kept on pukin' after the van. Thought he was only goin' to the bathroom often because that was the only place we allowed him beside the bed."

"TV was too loud. So sick when you dropped me. Double vision back, so dizzy…head hurt…ribs hurt…. just wanted to sleep."

"But why didn't you say anything?"

"You were all busy. I couldn't go with Murdock and you had the ….the shooting. Couldn't…couldn't…arrgghhh!" Face grasped his leg as another spasm hit.

Mark massaged the leg and Maggie used the break to tear into Hannibal. "You left a concussed person alone after less than 24 hours and didn't even see him inside? I just can't believe what I'm hearing."

"You know I would have skipped the shooting. You are way more important to me than the Aquamaniac."

"Am…am I?" What shocked Hannibal was that there was no sarcasm in the answer, rather curiosity and hope. Sure the kid must know that he was more important than a rubber monster, or had he really done such a lousy job at letting his feelings show?

"You coulda come with me."

"And be at the day care infirmary? No….thanks….had my fair share…of that."

"I came to check on you in the evening…after you failed to check in with me and neither you nor your overnight bag were there. I assumed you had gone to be with a girl. Just where did you go kid?"

"Never…made it to….my ap…apa….apartment. Collapsed just behind….main door."

"Oh, you poor child," Mrs. B lamented.

"Storage room…close…door ajar…crawled in…hid. Heard…people passing…door still…ajar."

"You…you know the…worst…part?" Face coughed slightly to clear his throat as it cracked. "So…scared…someone would…would…find me…and call…military. But…so…sick…couldn't…move. Had awful…flash…flashbacks…and…and…" Face stopped as his breathing was getting out of control again.

"And we weren't there to bring you out of them," Murdock finished. Face nodded as he gasped for air.

Maggie and Mark exchanged worried glances. They both knew that Face needed to get this out, but at what cost? Maggie stood and brought the oxygen tank over to the bed. "Face, I'm going to give you a little help with your breathing, okay?"

"No…need…talk."

"I'm not saying you have to stop, just use this in between when you feel like you're struggling."

Face closed his eyes for a few moments while the mask was covering his nose and mouth. When he felt as if his lungs weren't going to burst, he lowered the mask and said, "I…was…lucky. Small complex…most other residents…away on…vacation."

"But how'd you get to your apartment, man?" B.A. asked. "When we came a few days later you was on your couch."

Face put the mask back on for a few moments before answering; whatever happened obviously was stirring up some bad memories and the others sat on the edge of their seats with anticipation.

"Took...took...me...so long. Crawled to elevator….after midnight….place was quiet ...I remember...button...was...so...so...high. Fell few times...trying...to...reach it...from the...the floor. When...when...door op...opened...oh God..." Face's hands were shaking so badly that Mrs. B had to reach over and help him put the mask back to his face.

All the others were feeling as if they could use some oxygen at this point of the story as well. What could have been so bad in the elevator to illicit such a reaction? They didn't have long to wait before the mask went back down and Face carried on with his tale. His eyes were unfocused and he definitely wasn't with them anymore.

"He...he...pulled me in. Knew...where...where I was...living. Dragged...me...inside...apartment. My...my head...hurt so...bad...I...didn't know...if it...was real. Then he..he...threw me...on the...couch."

The question on everybody's mind was, 'who is he?', but they didn't dare interrupt Face and risk him clamming up on them.

"Pulled...my...my pants...down and then...he...started...to...to...um play...with...me." Face was sweating and panting in fear, as if he was back in the moment. "I...had my...45 under...cushion...pulled it out...and...and...put it to...his head. Cocked it back...and...and told...him...that I would...blow brains...away. He backed up...slowly...but...but told...me he...would be...back one day...to...to...get me. Next thing...I remember...was...was...Murdock shaking...me."

"But….but that was on the fourth day after we dropped you off. You can't have been out for three days."

"Yeah man, you wasn't that bad off. You walked away from my van. And when we came to your place your door was locked and your pants were up. You was wearing different clothes too."

"Bosco Baracus! I think you doubted that poor boy enough. And you too Murdock."

"But Mama…."

"Don't Mama me, shut up and let my baby here talk."

"No….don't be….angry. Unbelievable….story. Thought I….dreamt it….when came to."

Face was struggling with the memory and Maggie called a break by placing the mask over his nose and mouth. Face was trying to push it away. "Just a couple of deep breaths Face then you can go on." When he tried to push it away again after a moment she allowed him.

"You were…so angry…all of you. Murdock …shaking me awake…hurt but…so happy…but Murdock so angry and…Hannibal shouted….closed my eyes because head hurt so….BA just left…all of you left me there…alone."

They remembered that part well. They had found him sleeping peacefully while they had worried over him. Murdock had to break himself out since they wanted to be prepared for anything. It happened that Face took off for some three days without checking in and Hannibal would lecture him afterwards, but it never happened to be longer than three days and normally they would know where he was. That time Hannibal was convinced he was with some girl after checking his apartment but watched the news anyways, just in case. After three days he was so mad to find Face sleeping on his couch he yelled at him and just left without even asking how he was doing. Maybe if had taken a closer look he would have seen signs of sickness.

"After some time…I heard the door and…thought you came back….but it was Beth….and Paul. Elderly couple…nice people…neighbors…came from holiday afternoon prior. Saw my door open and found me. Beth said was on the floor next to….couch…pants….still down….covered in vomit….gun on ground. Said when they approached…opened my eyes…but didn't respond…called doctor and cleaned…and dressed me…cleaned room…put me on couch. Only when doctor came…started talking….'no hospital' over and over. Left me in…their care. Two broken…ribs…one cracked…bad concussion. Don't remember…anything. They…cared for me…the next week."

The room fell silent, nobody had anything to say and Face's eyes drifted shut after just a moment. He was utterly exhausted.


	66. Chapter 66

Chapter 66:

BA was the first to move. He turned and stormed out of the room. Nobody followed him.

"My God, he was out cold for three days and we were angry at him for not calling in." Murdock stood beside Face's bed, shocked about what he had just heard.

"Two and a half actually. I was there the first evening, I walked right past that storage room. I even noticed the ajar door and thought it odd in the otherwise spotless place. If only I had looked inside."

Maggie and Mrs.B. were flanking Face's sides. "If only you had accompanied him to his apartment in the first place, or better even not left him alone with that concussion." Maggie was clearly mad at Hannibal, as was Mrs. B. Two strong women with motherly feelings for Face was too much for Hannibal to take. He wanted nothing more than be close and hold his hand but didn't dare come closer. The guilt was eating at him.

"With a concussion the problem is that it can send a person out even after he or she appears to be getting better. That's the real dangerous part of it. Two and a half days, after being in a van when he was supposed to lay down. You are lucky he didn't suffer any permanent effects."

The room went quite again, everybody was in thought of what could have happened. But after just about an hour Face woke up again.

"How are you feeling honey?" Mrs. B. was smiling down at him.

"Better thanks."

"Kid, why didn't you ever say something, not even afterwards?"

Face opened his mouth to answer but Maggie beat him to it. "Now that's a hard one to guess. Would you have believed him? You didn't even believe him now."

"I'm so sorry kid, I know that doesn't help much but I really am sorry."

"Yeah, I feel like a fool muchacho."

"That's 'cause you are one." BA just came back into the room after blowing off some steam. "And I'm right there with you. I'm sorry Faceman, did it again, assumed and second guessed you."

"Not your fault…"

"Yes it is."

"I do exaggerate when I have minor problems. It's on purpose. I don't want you to know when I'm sick and if I exaggerate often enough you won't believe me again. I don't even know why I do it, has always been like that. I learned it in the orphanage. Exaggerating on the small things that one was not sent to the infirmary for helped in staying away from there with the real issues. Though, sometimes I wish you would notice and care for me but…I …um…I just can't bring myself to ask for…and you would laugh anyway." Face turned red with embarrassment.

"No Face, we wouldn't. Next time just try us."

"Colonel is right. And if we do laugh just find something hard and hit us." That brought a little smile to his face.

Mark had stayed quiet so far but was thinking about the medical implications. "Face, how long did your headache last and what other effects did you notice in the long term?"

"About three months…was also nauseous sometimes. I was lucky there were only two missions during this time and I didn't get hit on the head for once. I used some strong pain killers to get through it and was laying down whenever I had a chance. But took only Tylenol during the missions so it wouldn't affect my reactions."

Face's rumbling stomach made for a change of topic.

"It's almost time for supper and I haven't cooked anything. Let me head for the kitchen and get you some proper food."

"I'll help you." With that Maggie went after Mrs. B.

"Face, who was the guy in the apartment?" Hannibal hated to get back to those memories but needed to know and felt now was as good a time as any to ask the question, especially with the women gone from the room.

"Just some bully who had it in for me. Ever since I moved in he was harassing me. I…he…he assaulted me before, one time almost succeeded. He grabbed me in the elevator and took me down to the basement. The guy is about BA's size. He got in some good punches and before I knew it I was on the ground, face first and with my pants down. He…he…he used his finger while holding me down. But when he opened his zip he made a mistake. He removed the hand that was holding me instead of the one he had…you know….Gave me a chance to turn and he had also brought my pants down only far enough to get access but not to my knees to immobilize my legs. Kicked him good and got away."

"Face, that wasn't an almost. Doesn't matter what the guy used or whether he finished, he raped you." Murdock felt like crying. Face was talking about this as if nothing happened. He had so much experience that this didn't even qualify as rape in his eyes.

"That guy still living there?" BA had a very clear picture of what he would do to him.

Hannibal couldn't even talk. Not only did this not qualify as rape as far as Face was concerned but the kid had had to think of when his pants immobilized his legs and when not. Nobody should have to think of something like that, let alone have the experience to know the difference.

"Not a big deal…had worse," Face said nonchalantly. He was starting to second guess his decision to tell them what happened. It'll be just one more thing to make them think I'm dirty and useless,' he thought.

"Yes, it is a big deal," Hannibal said real slow and serious. "And if we…"

Hannibal was cut off when Face's body suddenly jerked as he was hit by yet another cramp. This one was so bad that it took his breath away and he couldn't even make a sound. He started to curl into himself, but that caused more pain by stretching the incision too far, so he lay there sweating and shaking in agony.

"B.A.," Hannibal said grabbing Face's hand. "Get Mark…fast."

Less than a minute later, Mark and Maggie were working furiously to release the locked muscles, but it just wasn't working.

"What's happening?" Murdock asked.

Mark's hands were beginning to ache from the strain, but he wasn't about to let up while his patient was suffering so. "I don't know," he said. "He looked at the leg he was massaging and said, "C'mon…relax already…would ya?"

Face heard Mark and thought he was scolding him. "S…sorry…can't…can't…help…help it."

"No…I didn't mean that towards you," Mark said. But it was too late as Face had lost consciousness.

Maggie looked concerned as she too kept working. "His leg is still as hard as a rock."

"The only thing I can think of is that when I reconnected some of the tissue I did so too tightly and his body is revolting against it. It hasn't helped any that we have not been able to do much of the PT exercises due to," he paused trying to figure how to put it delicately, "circumstances."

It was a strange sight to witness. Face's body was completely limp with the exception of his leg which continued to twitch and shake stuck in a deep state of contraction. Finally, the muscles relaxed and an exhausted Maggie and Mark took their hands away. "I don't want to ever do that again," Maggie said with a sigh.

"That makes two of us," Mark agreed.

Hannibal had moved next to Face again and lightly took his hand. "What happens now? How do we fix this?"

Mark rubbed the back of his neck and rolled his neck from side to side. He hadn't had a workout like that in some time. "We need to start stretching those muscles and tissues sooner than later. If that doesn't work I'll have no choice but to go back in and…let's not think about that yet."

Maggie was taking note of Face's vitals. "His pressure is high…even for what he just experienced. I think we should start a new IV…he is probably still dehydrated some."

Mark nodded his approval. "Dehydration could also be a reason why the spasm was so severe…we just need to wait and see how he is when he wakes up."

Mrs. B was now standing at the door the smell of her delicious cooking wafting in. "Why don't you discuss this while you get some food into y'all. I'll sit with Face while he sleepin'."

They had lost their appetites watching Face suffer so, but there was nothing more they could do until he woke up and they all could use a break.

Mrs. B. was knitting in a chair positioned in the corner of the room when Face came around. His vision was unfocused and he was unsure where he was and why he hurt so badly. He couldn't see anybody and it was completely silent. 'I'm alone…again…alone.' Tears sprung to his eyes as he remembered somebody angrily telling him to 'relax already'. But who was it? His mind was a blur and all he wanted to do was get out of the bed and away from there. But where was there?

Face slowly forced himself up to sitting; the pain in his thigh a twenty on a scale from one to ten.

"What you doin', child?" Mrs. B. exclaimed seeing Face sitting up in the bed.

Face was startled and fell back with a cry. The cry was one of surprise but turned into one of pain as soon as the sudden movement sent a stabbing pain through his thigh. To get away from the agony he turned to his stomach in one swift movement. There was pain in his abdomen but far less than when laying on his back. While turning he had knocked the thin blanket covering his legs off the bed. He was still dressed in a surgical grown from earlier in the day when his thigh got re-stitched and as the cool air hit his now exposed backside the memories hit his mind. He now knew who had said 'relax already' and the conversation or rather monologue replayed in his mind.

He had been in the basement pinned under his attacker who had pushed his pants down over his cheeks and had had one finger inside him. Whether he just liked to humiliate and inflict pain as much as possible or he needed this to get himself started Face didn't know. 'You're so tight pretty boy, gonna enjoy your tight ass. Know what? I have a soft spot for the weaker ones and seeing that you are far weaker than I am I give you a little hint, relax that ass of yours slut or it's gonna hurt real bad. I don't care either way 'cause I'm gonna come in whether you're relaxed or not and I may warn you, I'm huge especially since you left me waiting for so long.' He spoke almost gently, rather the contrary to his actions. That finger really did hurt. And then he said 'relax already. Gonna come in now and split you into two.'

Face didn't know what happened after that, he must have passed out at some point, but seeing that he was now laying in a bed, face down and his backside still exposed he had a fairly good idea of what had happened. The pain that had his whole lower body from backside to knees on fire, especially on the right side which seemed odd compared to earlier experiences, confirmed his suspicions. The guy probably liked what he had tasted and moved him to his bed while he was unconscious. He needed to get away from here.

Mrs. B. was also startled from Face's cry and his reaction. It took her a moment to gather her thoughts and move from her chair. All the machines were beeping in alarm and adding to her confusion. She went over to the bed and first off all gathered the blanket from the floor and draped it over Face to give him some dignity. "Calm down Templeton, you need to calm down, them machines are all going crazy. It's alright I'm here with you, ain't no one gonna hurt you no more."

A woman…the voice of a woman. Gentle. And she covered him. It was confusing. And then he felt a strong hand in his hair. He closed his eyes and waited for the hard grip when he was pulled at his hair and his mouth pried open for access, but instead there was only soft stroking and more gentle words. That voice, he knew it. Mrs. B., why was she here and what was all this beeping?

All in a sudden Face remembered. The cabin… the surgery…the rape had happened but a long time ago. He had shown that piece of dirt just how weak he was. Had kicked him good and gotten away without him having a chance to go on. He should have known better than to attack a trained soldier. The pain he felt was from the surgery, just the surgery, no wonder it was concentrated at his right side.

"Mama."

"I'm here baby, I'm here. Mama got ya, ain't no one gonna hurt you, calm down. The doctors are down in the kitchen eating. They can't hear them machines there."

He was safe, it was real, he was safe but where was his team? Mama said the doctors are down eating. He remembered Hannibal's last words, spoken in a stern and angry tone "Yes, it is a big deal." The pain, the memories, the fear of losing his team, of being left alone was all too much for him to take and he started to sob. They were disgusted now. He had sounded like the slut he was by telling them this was no big deal. He had wanted to be brave but rather resulted in driving them further away.

"Oh child, don't do that. Everything is fine. Don't cry baby." Mrs. B. finally had enough and pulled the plug for the machines. How was Face supposed to calm down with all this noise?

'Don't upset her, not her fault.' Face was trying to get his emotions back under control but it took him a while.

"That's better now. Don't cry, such a handsome boy shouldn't cry. Come on, let me help you turn to your back, your stomach must hurt you."

"No, please, back hurts more."

"It's not your back that hurts, it's your thigh and if we put some pillows under your leg you'll be fine."

Together they maneuvered him into position and just as Mrs. B. straightened the cover his stomach gave a loud rumble.

"Poor boy, you haven't eaten all day. Let me go and fetch you something."

Face clung to her arm. "No, no please stay…please don't leave me alone. I'm not that hungry."

"I'll be right back Face, you need to eat and them doctors have to look at you and re-connect those machines."

But Face didn't let go off her arm, he held on for dear life. "Don't go mama, please don't go. Please don't leave me alone. I just need a little water, please I'm thirsty."

"Shh, child, it's alright, I'm not going, okay? I'm here. I got you. But you need to let go off me so I can get to your water."

Face let go and Mama made to move for the water but instead made a dash for the door, quickly run to the stairs, yelled for help and run back to the room. She came just in time to push Face back down by the shoulders.

"Sorry baby, now I'm here. Let me just reach for your water, come on, let go, good boy, that's a good boy. Now take small sips, good boy."

Hannibal was the first to run in through the opened door closely followed by the two doctors and BA and Murdock. Mrs. B. explained what had happened but Face didn't hear anything, he just clung to Hannibal sobbing into his shoulder.

Maggie and Mark gave him a minute, re-connected the machines and started to take readings but eventually decided that they needed to examine Face. It broke Hannibal's heart to have to pry away the kid's hands and push him back down but he knew how important it was to let the doctors do their work.

While Face had been sleeping the rest of the Team had discussed how to handle all those new issues they had learned in a short time. Hannibal was about to have a stern talk with his second in command as soon as they were alone and used the time the doctors took to work to prepare himself, as much as he hated to do so this could not be put off for much longer. He had to make sure he knew when the kid was hurting.

While Face was being examined by Mark and Maggie, he couldn't hear a word they were saying. He had been crying like a baby in Hannibal's arms shortly after Mrs. B. had seen him lying there practically naked. The entire episode was utterly humiliating.

The memories were becoming too much for him...the latest one hurt so badly because it had steered another memory where someone had hurt him bad and it was somebody he had trusted. He had been so nice to him at first; made him feel as if he wasn't so alone. But, then one day he snapped and dragged him into that basement and life as he knew it would never be the same. It was the start of a vicious cycle in his life. He would get close to somebody only to have them leave...or use him...or hurt him...badly.

Face heard Hannibal tell everybody that he wanted to talk to him alone. 'I need to let them off the hook,' he thought. 'And this is my chance.'

Face felt as if he was losing his mind. He couldn't control the dreams and every time it seemed he was getting better, something would happen to make him worse. It wasn't fair for the others to be burdened with his past and dragged down by the present. He decided that the only fair thing he could do was make Hannibal so mad that he would have no choice but to leave.

Hannibal stood over Face trying his best to hide his concern and instead show a little tough love. 'I need to drill it into the kid's head that he has to come to us with his problems. We can't help if we don't know what's going on.'

Both men stared at each other; each trying to look strong and confident but feeling exactly the opposite on the inside. The trouble was that neither knew what the other was thinking and only saw what the other was portraying on the outside. It was a recipe for disaster...and Hannibal added the first ingredient.

"It's time you and I had a talk, Lieutenant," he said sternly. 'Please don't shut me out,' he thought.

"So now you...want to talk...to me? Why don't you...just drop me off at somewhere and...pretend that I'm not hurt?" Face was still having trouble talking without stopping for air. The pain, that had been renewed by moving around and having the doctors examine him, would creep up on him mid-sentence and force him to pause. 'I want to talk to you...but you've listened to enough of my crap,' he thought.

"Maybe if you would open up your mouth and say something when you're injured instead of keeping it hidden, we wouldn't be in any of this mess." Hannibal hadn't meant it to come out the way it did; he wanted to be firm...but not harsh. 'With your past, kid, I don't blame you for not feeling safe enough to talk to anybody...including me.'

"And...maybe if...you took...time...to notice I...was being...raped instead of...letting it...happen...I wouldn't be...so...so...messed up." Face didn't want to say it...he didn't want to even think it. But deep down a part of him felt that way at times. The rational part of him knew it wasn't their fault, but his heart told him otherwise. 'Get angry, please...I can't do this much longer.'

Face's plan was working...Hannibal was starting to get angry. Face's words stung...probably because there was a ring of truth to them. If he had noticed what was happening instead of turning a blind eye, Face would have been spared so much of the abuse. 'Just tell him that,' he thought. But instead after some more verbal exchange, out of his mouth came, "you ungrateful, rotten brat." The rage was building and the words just fell out of his mouth before he could reel them in. "No wonder nobody ever wanted you around."

Face physically flinched as if Hannibal had punched him in the gut. 'He's mad...you did it.'


	67. Chapter 67

Chapter 67:

Hannibal felt sick...it wasn't supposed to go down this way. "Oh...God...kid. I didn't mean...I wasn't thinking...I just..."

Face cut him off by holding up a trembling hand. "Don't. Just go away."

Hannibal took a step closer to the bed. "Face...I...um...I..."

"Colonel, go away. Don't...make me...make you leave."

The idea of Face in his condition forcing Hannibal out of the room was ridiculous, however, one didn't survive a POW camp without possessing the capability of accomplishing such a feat. Hannibal had a decision to make: back off or try to dig deeper. The last time he had been in this tough spot, Face wound up with a broken hand. This time at risk Hannibal feared there was something much greater...Face's heart...or what was left of it. He had to push his luck and break through the walls that seemed to be growing thicker and taller by the minute.

"I'd like to just see you try," Hannibal challenged taking a few more steps closer until he was looking down upon him. "You are far weaker than I."

Face's eyes opened wide with terror at the familiar words. The angry front was gone and instead of Hannibal he saw Tim, the night janitor at the orphanage who befriended him only to violate him in the cold, dark basement. It was yet another reason he fled the orphanage when his foster family returned him. Tim was still there and Face was terrified of what he would do next. Unfortunately, what happened with Uncle was probably not much different.

"Please, Tim. Don't...hurt me...again. Please..."

Hannibal startled. So the guys name was Tim and built like BA, there couldn't be too many at that place, maybe they would find him and have a little chat.

Face saw Tim standing over him, he had stopped advancing and looked down at him in thought. Face saw his chance to talk his way out of it.

"Please, Tim, I don't want to be in the basement. It's dark and cold and there are rats here. Please, I'm afraid. And I didn't like what you did the other time, it hurt and..."

"Face, Face, come on look at me, it's me, Face." Hannibal held Face's head between his hands and tried to bring him out of the flashback.

Eventually Face blinked and saw Hannibal. He looked around in confusion and slumped as he realized where he was.

"It's okay, Face, you are just mixing up memories. Something about the basement in the orphanage if I guess right and the attack on you in the basement before Jamestown." Face had once told them how he was afraid of the rats in the orphanage's basement. All ideas of a stern talk were forgotten as he drew Face close and held him in a hug.

"No, I didn't" came a muffled voice from Hannibal's shoulder.

"What did you say kid?"

"I didn't mix it up."

Hannibal pried Face away from him enough to look at his face. "What do you mean?"

"I knew Tim a long time ago, at the orphanage. He was our night janitor, or at least he was always wandering around at nights cleaning or repairing things. We didn't actually have a janitor service but he was helping so nobody sucked him. It was nice too, when I was wandering around at nights because my dreams wouldn't allow me to go back to sleep, I had a friend and wasn't alone."

Face stopped talking as if this was the end of the story. Hannibal saw that he had to tread carefully if he didn't want Face to shut him out.

"How old were you then?"

"Eight, or something like that."

"And they let an eight year old wander around at night?"

Face shrugged, "They didn't care much as long as I was quiet. When I wasn't in the room I couldn't scream and wake the others."

"And what happened with Tim?"

"I don't know. I was taken to a foster home and then I ran as I told you and when I came back he was gone."

"And in between he hurt you." Hannibal said very calm.

Face's eyes opened in shock. Still out of his mind with pain and not up to his game he couldn't cover up his feelings. How could Hannibal know?

"You talked in your flashback kid."

"Just…just…nooo…I can't tell you anything more….please….it's not fair…it's my crap….please, just leave me. I can't destroy your life too."

"You aren't destroying anybodies lives and I told you I'm not going to leave…."

"No Hannibal….please you don't…understand."

"…no matter what, you say, do or try. And now calm down before you set off your machines again."

"Hannibal please….you and the team….you're the best thing that ever happened to me…can't destroy you too…I'm bad…"

"We've discussed that before kid. You aren't bad and you did nothing to destroy other people's lives."

"But…"

"No buts. And now calm down kid, deep breaths." Hannibal disconnected the machines again. He was here to watch and didn't want to get interrupted. This was too important. "Tell me of one life you destroyed."

"Tim's. And…and the other boy's."

"Who said that?"

"Tim."

"Why?"

"Because…because I went to the foster…family and he…turned to other boys…they didn't keep quiet like me….Tim went to jail."

Hannibal knew Face had lied about not knowing what had happened to Tim but he hadn't thought it would be so easy to draw him out. "We have a bit of a dilemma here kid. If you had said something you could have saved the other boys but Tim would still have gone to jail. How could you have stopped that?" Hannibal tried to speak as calm and disconnected as possible, trying to make Face see reason without getting emotional. He didn't want him to think it wasn't facts but just Hannibal's saying because he liked him.

"He…he said…I should never have gone….to the foster family…started everything from there."

"And did you have a choice in the matter or was that family arranged for you?"

"I..no..but..I could…"

"No, you couldn't. You were sent off to that foster family whether you liked it or not. That guy is a criminal, he's the one responsible for his life and the lives of you and the other boys he molested, not you. And just when did he tell you?"

"On the way …to the basement….before Jamestown. But Hannibal…if there's nothing wrong with me…why do all those things happen?"

Hannibal was getting confused with all the basements, was it now the orphanages basement or the one at the apartment complex? "I can't tell you kid, but there's clearly nothing wrong with you. Tell me the whole story?"

Face was torn, he had wanted to get Hannibal to leave but at the same time wanted him to stay. He didn't know what to do without the guys. It had felt so good to finally talk to someone but he had also changed the Team. Face was at the end of his rope, he started to cry.

Hannibal once again pulled him into a hug. "Let it out Face. Let it all out and you'll feel better."

"I…I wanted…wanted to make you …angry."

"And as always you were good at your job. I should never have said those harsh words. You can be called a lot of things kid," he chuckled," you sure are a brat. But you are anything but ungrateful kid. Look at the things you took upon you to protect us, not that I'm saying it was good you did. Tell me your story now?"

Face nodded and started talking. That alone showed Hannibal how weak he was at the moment. He would have put up much more of a fight if he really hadn't wanted to tell. Would have come up with any number of possible explanations.

"He was my friend. He talked to me and …told me stories. He brought me food, not that we weren't given food… but sometimes, you know, you had to be good to be allowed to supper . And it happened sometimes that I wasn't or at least I was told I wasn't…couldn't sometimes really see what made the difference between being allowed to and not. Those were also the nights I roamed more….between the dreams and the hunger I couldn't sleep. After some time he coaxed me into empty parts of the orphanage and made little demands. I should sit at his lap while I eat then remove my singlet, allow him to put his hand in my panty, put mine in his and so on. One night when it was really warm he coaxed me outside by the pond, …said he had a lollipop for me but I needed to prove that I know how to lick it before I get it. When he…well…showed me his…you know…what he wanted me to train on. I didn't want the lollipop anymore of course…but he said I had too, he wouldn't be my friend again, wouldn't bring me food. …I would be all alone when they sucked me from the dormitory at night. I ..he…he said I was okay and gave me the lollipop afterwards." Face was only whispering now

Hannibal still held him in his arms and rubbed small circles at his back. "It's okay Face, just memories, I got ya. None of this was your fault."

"Some days later he coaxed me into the basement for the first time. Said he had food there….I was very hungry that day." As if on cue Face's stomach rumbled. Mrs. B. had appeared at the door earlier on wanting to bring food for Face but Hannibal had motioned for her to go.

"I was afraid of the place but the thought of food…and he was with me…that was the first time he….he…he…used his finger. It hurt so bad. I struggled but he held me down. Told me I had no chance and that I was far weaker than him and how he would do other things to me if I wasn't quiet. Next time I tried….tried to avoid him but…I screamed for the second time that night and was sucked from the room. He grabbed me and dragged me down there ….did it again. The next day the foster family came and I only saw him again when they brought me back. I ran before he had a chance, only to end up with uncle. Tim at least never used….used his….his….you know…not there anyways."

Face took a break while Hannibal rubbed his back.

"Next time I saw him at the apartment complex. I thought he would not recognize me and was just a bully but he knew who I was. On the way to the basement, when he grabbed me just before the Jamestown mission, he held me pinned between the wall of the elevator and his body… told me how I had destroyed his life and how … he had tracked me and was going to make me pay. He….he was….going to enjoy…now that he didn't have to worry….about one …of the nuns…seeing…blood on me. Got away…that time. Planned on moving…but we…had Jamestown case. When we got back…too…too…sick to…fight."

"Kid, I'm so sorry."

"Showed him…how weak…I was. Only got him…to go…when pulled my…gun from couch."

Hannibal pursed his lips and willed himself to hold back his fury towards the janitor and focus on Face. "You aren't weak, Templeton Peck. Those sick men who hurt you are the weak ones. You showed him your strength when you kicked him good. Bastard should have known better than to attack one of my men, they are stronger than anybody else. The time you pulled the gun you were sick but you still found a way to stop him, it's the result that matters kid. And look at how chicken he was, could have come back for you after you passed out but was to afraid of a gun in the hand of an unconscious man. All muscle and no braveness."

"Can…can you…do me…a…favor?" Face asked softly.

"Anything, kid."

"Can you…get the…others back…in here?" He was really hurting now and the strain was written all over his face and in the way his body was trembling.

"Maybe you should try to rest first…you're not looking so hot."

Face smiled slightly and teased, "Thanks a lot. You don't…look so…great either." But he knew what Hannibal was getting at. "Please…need to…say something…to…to everyone. You said…you'd do…anything."

Hannibal sighed; Face wouldn't rest until he said what he needed to anyway. "Okay, kid. I'll be right back."

A few minutes later the entire gang was gathered around Face's bed. They had pulled in extra chairs so they could all be seated and he was able to look them in the eye instead of looking up at them.

"P…please…let me…talk. D…don't…say anything…til…I'm done. Agreed?" Everybody nodded and Face began to talk. "I…need to…tell you…all something. You…need to know…that I a…appreciate all…you…have done…for…for me."

Hannibal opened his mouth to tell Face he didn't need to thank them, but Maggie squeezed his thigh and he kept his thoughts to himself.

"I…have…been…going through…a…hard time…since…since Leslie…came back into…into the picture. I know…understatement. Unlocked lots…lots of old…memories. Memories I wish…I…could just…forget. But…but…I can't…can't stop…the dreams."

Face was starting to feel dizzy from the effort of talking so much, but he didn't want to stop now because he wasn't sure he would get up the nerve to do this again.

"Need…you to…know…you don't…don't deserve to…to be stuck with…such…such…a head case."

It was Murdock's turn to open his mouth, but Face saw it and stopped him quick. "I…know…what you are gonna…say, Murdock. Only…one head case…on…on team…and that it's you. But…I…I'm crazier than…you…you ever have…been lately."

The room was spinning slightly and Face's chest was heaving, but he soldiered on. "I…thank…thank you all...from bottom…of my…my heart. But…but…don't…let me…hold…you back…anymore."

He looked at Mark and Maggie. "You have…other…patients and…practices…go back…help…help somebody…who…who deserves it."

Hannibal grasped Maggie's hand and she had to bite her lip to keep quiet, as did Mark.

"Mama. You so…so…kind to me. Treat me…like…like a son. Don't like to…make…you hear…such awful…things 'bout me. Thank…thank you…but…please…go."

Mrs. B. wiped a tear from her eye. She didn't take him asking her to leave as an insult…he was only looking out for her feelings. She was not one to back down and keep silent, but she made an exception this time for Face.

"Murdock…B.A….my brothers. And…Hannibal…the man…I consider…to be…the only…father…I have…known…" Face paused, but this time it was the emotion and not the pain that held him up. "Love…love you…all. My family. Never…had one…'til…met you. Please…please…don't blame…blame selves for…any…anything. I don't…really…I don't. We all…have done…things we…wished turned…out…out better. Can't be mad…when…had…good…intentions. Too dangerous…to stick…around. I…hold…hold you…back. Need to…move…stay safe. Go…please."

Face was seeing double and he could feel the pressure building in his skull from thinking so hard to form the thoughts and then actually get his lips to say them.

"What…I want you…to know is…that…my life is…is good."

Face couldn't see them clearly, but he could feel their surprise after making such a statement.

"You…see…I have more…than most. More…than I ever…thought I would…have. Have…a family…have great friends. There has…been bad times. I know…another under…statement. But we all…have bad times…that's part of…of life. I am…lucky to…be alive. No matter…how…much hurts at…times…to live…I know I have…been…been blessed. Had lots…of good…too. Father Maghill…some nuns…all of you." Face tried to smile as he joked, "Not to…mention…all the…beautiful…ladies."

There wasn't a dry eye by now as they listened to Face open up his heart to them. It was a strange sight to behold. He was deathly pale, shaking and sweating, yet there was something peaceful about his face.

"Don't…don't worry…'bout me. You all…done too…much to…help already. P…please…just go." Face's eyes drifted shut and he said in a barely audible tone, "I'll…get by…survive…always do...survive…" His head fell to the side and his body went slack.

Nobody moved or said anything for a long time as they let Face's words sink in.

"As I can see you are all still here. Does that mean you want to disrespect my Lieutenant's wish to be left alone?"

BA and Murdock shot Hannibal a murderous glare while the rest looked confused.

"Unlike you colonel, we do have a problem with leaving Face alone." Murdock's voice was ice cold.

BA just closed his arms over his chest, daring Hannibal to say just one wrong word.

"In that case we need strategic planning."

"I don't need no plannin', none of us needs it. We all goin' to stay, includin' you Hannibal, and that's final."

"Good. I hoped you would react that way. I have no intentions to leave, in fact there's nothing the kid could do to get me out of his life. I just wanted to make sure you are not having any qualms to crush the kid because he sure thinks we need to leave him as fast as possible and it will be hard work to convince him otherwise. He will probably try everything to get us mad and leave. He's tried it with me before."

Murdock and BA were stunned. That was not the reaction they expected from Hannibal and what was it about him having tried it before? Has Face really made up his mind to leave the team? They had hoped it was just the pain speaking.

Hannibal turned to the three non-team-members. "What about you? Mrs.B.?"

"Don't even think of sending me off to Chicago. Somebody needs to stay and watch the four of you. After what I learned the last days I need to be 100 % sure you won't treat Templeton the way you did before." With that she crossed her arms over her chest and matched BA's stance, including the trade mark scowl. It would have been funny had the circumstances not been so sad.

"Maggie, Mark, what about you?"

They both started speaking at the same time. Mark stepped back, "Ladies first."

"Very easy for me, I'll follow his wish. He said we should go and care for someone who deserves it and that's exactly what I'll do. And the best part is I don't even have to go anywhere to find that person. I can't think of anyone who deserves more care right now. Plus I'm with Mrs. B….someone has to watch you men."

"I'm with Maggie here. We have it easy; he has given us a good excuse to stay. As long as he has these severe leg spasms and we are sure what's causing them and until I know he's doing okay with PT I'm not going anywhere. I hope it won't be too long."

"So it's left with the three of us. He'll try to push us away and we all know that once he's determined to push he will. We have to be very patient and it's probably going to take a while once he's set his mind. That said, he's probably trying to push you three too, not being a cooperative patient and all."

After he received three nods Hannibal went on. "This is going to be one of the hardest battles we have fought. He's probably going to dig up every single thing we did him wrong over the years. He'll exaggerate but he has enough stuff to dig up without using much imagination. We may not like to hear it but we have to remain calm, don't rise to his bait. We know what he's up to so just endure it."

"Colonel, I don't know if I can, but I don't want to go back to the VA right now. It will look like I left him and Dr. Richter is covering for me as long as I want but….I'm just not sure I can do this."

"We're here for you Murdock, if you need a time out tell us and just don't go close to him for a while. It may anyway be better to be with him two at a time, just in case."

"Okay, strategic planning, let's get our arguments together. He wants us gone but not for him, for us. He's protecting us again. He said he loves his family and doesn't want to drag us down."

"We can just tell him to stick it you know where."

"No BA, I think we should be a bit more subtle about it. Next point, he thinks he's damaged beyond repair. I would agree with him here. Nobody can go through all this crap, let alone at such a tender age, and come out the other end as good as new. But that doesn't mean he's useless. He still has great value to this team. "

"Yeah man if anything we drag him down."

On they went planning and plotting until they heard a moan from the bed.

To everybody's surprise it was BA who reacted first. "Ya all heard the man. He wants to be left alone so leave, everybody out of the room."

Hannibal didn't know where this was headed but played along ushering the rest out just to listen at the door.

Face felt a little odd. He felt as if he had slept for some time but BA's words made it clear that he had only been out for minutes. Probably just felt weird because of the pounding headache. They all left, he hadn't thought it would be that easy. 'If they all just leave like that it was the right thing to do,' thought Face until the point where BA, as the last one had left, reached the door but instead of going out he turned, closed the door and came forward scowling directly at Face.

"No one's ever gonna destroy BA Baracus' family. You hear me, Faceman? Nobody…and that includes you. Have you ever stopped to think of how selfish you were? You're not the only family member with a temper and you're ill but you throw tantrums like that again I'll show you just how much I protect my family."

Hannibal groaned from outside the door, "so much for being patient and subtle." He wanted to go back in, but decided it best to wait and see where this was going. Maybe whatever B.A. had up his sleeve…or is this case under his gold…would do some good.

Face looked up at the big guy, but the lights felt so bright and sent daggers of pain through his skull and he immediately shut them. Face wanted to tell B.A. that he was destroying the family the way things were now, and that is why he asked them to leave…to save them. But he felt too sick to do anything but lay there.

"Don't you ignore me, Faceman!" B.A. demanded loudly.

"S…sor…ry," Face managed to stutter out.

"You always sorry…how you think it make us feel when you always apoligizin'? Make us feel like we always treatin' you bad."

"Pl…please…st…stop." Face could barely understand B.A.'s words, but his tone seemed to be getting louder.

"I ain't gonna stop 'til I get it through that head of yours that we ain't goin' anywhere."

Face couldn't understand why B.A. seemed so angry with him; he was only trying to do right by them. He had opened himself up to them freely and all it did was make matters worse.

"We stayin' wit' you…got it?"

Face put his hands up to his aching head and moaned, "Mig-graine…hu…urts."

B.A. froze…he had reacted on instinct when he kicked the others out of the room. He honestly didn't know what he was going to say and went with his gut. He just wanted Face to realize how much he wanted him around. 'So you say he havin' a tantrum and threaten him when he hurtin'…you ain't nothin' but a fool, Bosco,' he scolded himself.

The room had gone quiet…too quiet…and Hannibal decided it was time to intervene. "I'm going in," he said to the others. "Stay back unless I call you."

He found B.A. standing in the middle of the room staring at Face who was cradling his head between his hands. He came up beside B.A. and asked, "What happened, Sergeant?"

"I…I messed up, colonel. I yelled at him…didn't realize he was havin' one of them migraines," B.A. said softly.

"Damn, go get Maggie."

"Shoulda listened to you, man," B.A. sighed.

Hannibal clapped B.A. on the shoulder. "It's not your fault, B.A. You were only trying to help."

B.A. nodded, but he still felt lousy. He went to get Maggie as Hannibal went over to Face. "Hey, kid."

Face was getting agitated. "Han…bal. Still here…no…go."

Face was squeezing his head so tightly with his hands that Hannibal was afraid he was going to hurt himself. He reached over and pulled them away and held them in his own. "Shh…just calm down. You're sick…let us help you."

Maggie entered the room and practically whispered so as not to cause Face any additional pain. "Where does it hurt?"

"No…go away…go away…" Face didn't know why they wouldn't just leave him alone. It's what they wanted…wasn't it? But B.A., Hannibal and Maggie were telling him differently.

"C'mon Face…you're in pain…tell me where," Maggie tried again.

He felt too weak to protest anymore. "Head…bad…leg…p…please…make it…st…stop," Face pleaded.

Hannibal pulled the doctor aside. "What can we do?"

She shook her head sadly. "I'm afraid not much. The migraine has to run its course. And when I was talking with Mark outside he said we need to start the mobility exercises as soon as possible. As it is we aren't sure that we won't have to go in again."

"But he's too sick to undergo that kind of torture…"

Maggie cut him off. "It's not torture, John. It's physical therapy and it's a must if Face ever wants to get full use of that leg back. Let's keep the lights off and I'll tell the others to be as quiet as possible. Stay with Face and I'll get some cold packs for his head."

Hannibal felt helpless standing there. Face was writing in agony and it was about to get worse. Adding to the troubles was that he made it clear that he didn't want them around. Hannibal knew it wasn't true, but that didn't mean it was going to make the days ahead easier for any of them.

The next couple of days were certainly not easy by any stretch of the imagination. Face was completely consumed by the migraine and made no attempts at trying to make them leave. It made Mark's exercise sessions easier on one hand because he was too weak to fight back. But, on the other hand, it was awful for them to stand around and watch him undergo such pain.

By the third day, the headache had lessened considerably and Face decided it was time to let everybody off the hook. It was nice that they stayed during the worst part of the migraine but keeping them around only prolonged the inevitable. It would be hard to live without them but he sure could not live with the knowledge that he had destroyed the people he loved. Better to suffer alone than to see his family, his brothers, his father and his friends suffer. He knew that one day they would leave him anyway; they had to sometime see that he was evil and brought nothing but disaster with him. But if he could help it he would make them see reason before it was too late. He had clung to them for far too long already.


	68. Chapter 68

Chapter 68:

Murdock was the one that had stayed with him for the night and was now in his room while the others were having their breakfast.

"Morning Murdock."

"Morning muchacho, how are you feeling today?"

"Much better thanks, you can leave now."

"Huh?"

"It was nice of you to stay during the bad part of the migraine, but I don't need you anymore. I won't hold you back any longer, you can go."

Murdock was hurt. How could Face say that. "Look, I'm not your servant that you can send here and there as you please. I'm your best friend, you can't send me away."

"You'll just have to look for a new best friend. You don't want me. Trust me I know what I'm talking about, I've seen it several times before."

Face was talking of the other people whose lives he had destroyed or complicated until they saw reason and got rid of him. There were numerous examples: his parents, various foster families, the junkies at the trailer park, former Co's, Leslie and so on. Murdock, however, understood Face's statement as referring to all the times the team had hurt him and therefore shown they didn't want Face around.

"Face, come on, that wasn't ….it was never…it didn't mean anything…our friendship is what counts. I'll never leave you, no matter what you say."

"It didn't mean anything? Murdock, how can you say that? It meant everything and it still does, just go away, please."

"So our friendship doesn't count at all, you're just going to throw it away like that? Just needed us around to help and now that you're better you don't need as anymore. You know what? Maybe you're right, maybe I have to start looking for a different best friend." Murdock was hurt to the extent that he got angry at Face and raised his voice.

Face's head still hurt and it was increasing by the minute. He wanted Murdock gone because he was his best friend.

"Just look at yourself, you wouldn't be at the VA…. "

"Oh now that is it, you put up with crazy Murdock for long enough, no need to stick around the crazy dude any longer. Know what? I think it's time for PT…I'll go get Mark."

'Oh great, why can't I do anything right? I don't want them to be angry at me, I just want to allow them to go, after all that's what they want. First BA and now Murdock. Why are they all getting angry?' Face was convinced that having to witness what was done to him in the camps was the final blow to send Murdock over the edge and therefore he was responsible for Murdock being at the VA.

'Okay Peck, first screw up of the day, not bad so early in the morning. Now concentrate. PT is important.' If he was to get by on his own he needed to walk.

It didn't take long for the whole gang minus Maggie and Mrs. B. to make an appearance. Murdock avoided any eye contact and was clearly angry. He couldn't tell if BA had was still angry because he always scowled but at least he didn't talk to him which could be taken as an indication.

Mark was his usual cheerful self as he came to the head of the bed. "Morning Face, I heard you're better. Let's start the day with some exercises, shall we?"

"Morning. I'll do the exercises. I watched you doing it long enough from now on I'll do it myself."

"Okay, start."

Face tried to bend his leg using his hands for support but he could not bend it far before the pain got too bad and he had to stop.

Mark approached the panting and trembling figure on the bed again. "So much for that theory. You are nowhere near strong enough to do the exercises on your own. You need help and you're going to get it, whether you like it or not."

"But…but you need to go…all of you. I'll be fine."

Hannibal appeared in his line of vision. "Wrong in two ways kid, we don't need to go and you wouldn't be fine if we did, which we're not going to. Now let's get through these exercises."

Face got through the exercises that day…the next day…and the day after that. They weren't fun and always left him in a lot of pain and exhausted, but he was noticing improvement and that's what kept him going. The cramps were becoming less frequently and they would pass quicker. He was even able to do some of the simpler moves by himself.

He had given up on trying to force the others away. He still thought it was best that they go in the long run; he was bound to mess up again. But he had come to terms with letting them leave when they wanted to and on their own terms.

Part of him was starting to think that they were being sincere when they told him how much they cared and that they were in it for the long haul, but he didn't want to get his hopes to high. He would just go with the flow and stop trying to anger them or shut them out. After all, he figured he owed them that much. They had been a tremendous help in taking care of him and getting him to the point he was at now.

Mark announced at dinner on that third night that he thought Face was ready to try putting some weight on his injured leg the next day.

"Are you sure he ready for that?" Mrs. B asked. "Them bed exercises wear him out as it is…he fell asleep before I could even bring him dinner tonight."

"Yeah, man," B.A. agreed with his mother, "and he still hurtin' real bad, too." B.A. didn't want to see the man in any more pain. He thought back a couple of days when Face had an especially tough time after a session. He was in obvious discomfort but doing anything he could to hide it. B.A. sat with him for over an hour just getting him water, adjusting his pillows and even holding his hand when it became too much.

They hadn't spoken since B.A. erupted at him, and neither man knew quite what to say. B.A. felt guilty for being so harsh, whereas Face thought B.A. was angry at him. All that seemed to disappear over the course of the hour and finally B.A. looked at Face and asked, "We good man?"

Face smiled and replied, "Yeah…we're…good." And that was that.

B.A. was brought back to the present by Maggie who said, "It's really for Face's own good that he starts using that leg as much as possible." She smiled and added, "don't worry, it isn't like we're going to make him run laps yet. All we are going to do is get him upright and see how much he can take."

The next morning while Face ate an especially large breakfast that Mrs. B prepared him since he missed his meal the night before, Mark filled him in on the plans for later that day. Face was excited yet completely terrified. He knew it was going to hurt…badly. But he was more afraid of letting them all down again.

Also weighing heavily on his mind was that things between him and Murdock were extremely awkward. The pilot was avoiding him and when he was in the same room with Face he wouldn't look him in the eye. Face was a bit hurt that Murdock had trivialized all the people that had left him in his life, but he really wanted to explain how he felt to blame for Murdock's breakdown after Nam. It didn't really matter what had been said, just that they talk things out. He didn't want to lose his best friend especially when he had a feeling he was about to need him most.

"Hey Murdock," Face called a short time later as he saw the familiar leather jacket pass by his door. "Gotta minute?" It was almost time for his therapy and he was hoping to get a little time to work things out before. Heaven only knew what condition he would be in after.

Murdock stood in between the door frame, but didn't say anything. He was still hurt by their last conversation.

"Can we talk? I mean…I think we need to clear the air."

Murdock began to shift uncomfortably from side to side. He wanted to talk to Face, but he wasn't ready yet so he said, "Sure…but later. Woody Woodpecker is on and well…you know how I love Woody."

Face looked down at his lap. "Oh…okay…sure. No problem." Woody was more important than Face…that hurt. But not as much as what Murdock said next.

"Let me know how it goes…Mark and the others are on their way." Murdock hesitated for a second, torn, but then turned and left.

'He isn't going to be here,' Face thought sadly.

Face pushed aside everything and focused a few minutes later when he found himself being helped into a sitting position by Mark. His head swam and, even though he leaned heavily on his good side, his injured thigh burned from even the slight contact it made with the bed. Mark explained how Hannibal and B.A. would each support him on a side while Mark directed them in what to do. 'Maggie and Mrs. B will be the cheerleaders,' he joked.

The moment came for Face to be helped onto his feet. His head swam and he would have collapsed for sure had he not been held upright by his friends. They waited patiently until the dizziness died down before Mark asked how he was feeling.

Face took a moment to assess himself and a small smile crept over his face. Although it hurt it was far better than sitting. Now that most of his weight was transferred to his good leg, or at least the part of his weight that was not held up by BA and Hannibal, and nothing was brushing against the wound he felt good. "Feels far better than expected."

"Good. Now I want you to make a small move. I'll leave it to you if you want to move your bad leg first or transfer the weight and move the good leg first. What's it going to be?"

Moving the bad leg first meant stretching the incision, transferring the weight didn't sound too hot either.

Sensing his inner struggle and knowing that BA and Hannibal were holding most of his weight anyway Mark directed him to transfer his weight to his bad leg. It burned, burned like hell but he was determined to go on and forced a smile that rather looked like a pained grimace.

"Now try to move your good leg forward a few inches."

He tried but as soon as the support from his good leg was gone he sagged between his friends not able to hold himself up. Mark had to jump in and help him get his legs under him again. It was all he could do to stand there while being held upright, panting and sweating.

"Take a little break and then when you feel ready we try the other version, move your injured leg first."

Face tried to get a grip on the pain but it didn't seem likely to happen anytime soon. In addition he felt nausea building up. He wanted so badly to lie back on the bed but couldn't let his friends down again. He knew he wasn't going to last for long and had to make a move now. "I'm ready."

It didn't sound convincing, not even to himself. He decided to move before he was told not to do so and attempted to shuffle his leg forward. At first it didn't want to budge at all, then he saw a slight movement, just before he sagged again and his stomach decided to get rid of the extra weight from the large breakfast. The next minutes were a blur and when his mind and vision cleared again he found himself back on the bed, lying on his side with Mama bathing his forehead with a wet washcloth, Hannibal rubbing small circles on his back and Mark working on his thigh to unlock the muscles.

He had let them down again, was completely useless. He couldn't hold any weight with that leg let alone move it. And Murdock had said he should tell him how it went.

"Please….please don't tell Murdock." He was afraid that that would drive him off for good and he didn't want to lose his best friend. Sure he was getting better in some time and then he could do stuff with Murdock and convince him that he was better than Woody. He wanted to say so much but no more words came out and he drifted off to sleep.

Maggie was sitting with Face as the others left his room to go downstairs.

"Told you it wasn't a good idea to push him. He ain't ready."

"No BA, he did well considering. He was able to stand and I'm sure he would have been able to move the leg forward if that spasm had not decided to hit in just the wrong moment. Tomorrow we'll go again and preferably on an empty stomach to prevent him getting sick."

"But he couldn't put any weight on his leg." Hannibal just couldn't believe the doctor was pleased with the outcome of this therapy.

"It would all have been different without his reactions to medication. In a normal case he would have been back on his feet after two or three days. Now his muscles have not been used for too long and the constant spasms have weakened him too. Trust me, he'll be okay. I'm actually pleased that he's not showing any problems with his foot and calf now that he has not used it for some time after just getting well enough to walk without any aid."

"Colonel."

The voice from behind them startled Hannibal, he hadn't noticed Murdock coming up behind them. So much for not telling him about the session.

"I want to go back to the VA. I think I've been away for too long."

Face had wanted to protect Murdock and now they had screwed it all up by not being careful. "You sure Captain?"

"Sure. It's better that way. For a while and then I'll come back. Right now I could use some quality time with Dr. Richter."

"Okay Murdock. BA will take you."

"When do you wanna leave fool?"

"Now."

"Why not wait and say goodbye to the Faceman."

"He'll be just fine without me."

Face woke up some time later and found Hannibal sitting with him.

"Hey kid, how do you feel?"

"Not too hot."

"Thought as much. Do you need anything?"

"No…or yes. I need to talk to Murdock, can you get him for me?"

"Sorry kid, he's on his way back to the VA. We didn't wanna tell him but he overheard us talking. Just for a while and then he'll be back."

All color drained from Face's face. He had done it; he had finally destroyed his family and lost his best friend. Murdock wouldn't come back, he was the one who had avoided him, had wanted to go but stayed because the others did. Now as a result he was still having Hannibal and BA around and Murdock was all alone.

"Kid? What is it? You feel sick again?"

Face nodded his head; he did feel sick. Sick and disgusted with himself for causing Murdock more mental problems than he already had years ago. His stomach continued to do flip flops from the pain for a few minutes.

Hannibal had the bucket ready in case. "Breathe, Face…just breathe," he encouraged. "Mark said you did really well…and tomorrow will probably be better."

"Tom…morrow?" Face asked with wide eyes. "No…way." Tomorrow he planned to remain as still as humanly possible.

"I know it was hard…"

Face cut him off. "No…no…you …don't…know."

Hannibal bit his lip…Face was right, he didn't know. He didn't say anything more deciding it best to wait for Face to take the lead on any conversation. Finally Face looked at the colonel and said in a small voice, "Made Murdock…go…to V.A….again"

A light bulb went off in Hannibal's head. 'So that is what's bothering him…I knew it was more than just his leg. But what did he mean by 'again'?' "Face, you did no such thing. Murdock just felt as if he could use some time with Dr. Richter. This is the longest he has been away from the hospital since Nam ended."

"My fault…then…too." Face closed his eyes and groaned as a sharp stabbing pain shot up his leg.

Hannibal held his hand until it passed and then asked, "What are you talking about, kid? What was your fault?"

"Seeing…what…they did…to me…in camps…was…too much."

Hannibal couldn't believe that Face was actually blaming himself for Murdock's mental status. "It was too much for all of us," he said with more venom than he meant. It wasn't directed at Face, but at the enemy who had assaulted him so violently time after time. He quickly added, "It was especially too much for you."

Tears were starting to well up in his eyes at the memory. "Wish…wish…he…all of…you…didn't...see that."

"And we wish you didn't live that. What happened to Murdock isn't your fault…you got it?"

"Yeah," Face lied. He would always feel partly responsible.

"Good," Hannibal said, though he wasn't convinced. "Now try to get more rest before Mrs. B comes in here and yells at me for keeping you up."

B.A. had just returned from taking Murdock back to the VA and he overheard the entire conversation from outside the door. He realized that Murdock was a resident of the facility for a reason; the man had certain issues and they helped him cope with them there. But what he didn't understand was how he could just leave Face without saying good bye and at such an important moment for him. And now that he knew that he blamed himself for Murdock's problems, it made the pilot's departure all the worse. 'That fool better get himself back here soon…or I'm a gonna go get him and drag him back,' he vowed silently.

The next day the group started the same process. It was easier to get Face upright this time and he was less dizzy.

Things seemed to be looking up until Mark told Face to try lifting his good leg off the floor to see how long the bad one would hold him. The moment he put his complete weight onto the limb he let out a grunt, but was determined not to give into the pain. Hannibal and B.A. were holding him lightly, but Mark had told them to try and let Face do as much on his own as he could tolerate.

Hannibal could feel Face trembling. "You okay, lieutenant?"

"Uh-huh," came the breathy reply. But he wasn't okay. His vision was beginning to blur and his leg was about ready to give. 'Hold on…just hold on,' he commanded himself. Only seconds later he felt his knee start to give and his friends tightening their grip as he sagged toward the floor.

"Lay him down, gently," Mark instructed. Maggie came over and started taking his vitals while Mark inspected the wound.

Face was still holding onto the guys as he lay there barely conscious, his head tossing from side to side and moaning softly. "Failed…again…no good…loser. Sorry…Murdock…sorry" he muttered.

It was at that moment that B.A. knew what he had to do. Once Face was settled back into bed he headed straight for the phone and dialed Murdock's number. "Fool, I'm comin' to pick you up," he said before Murdock even had a chance to say hello.

"I'm not ready to…"

"Well get ready then. Faceman needs you," he growled. Seeing Face on the floor in agony had made him angry…angry that Murdock could leave him like that.

"Is…is…he okay?" Murdock asked as fear crept into his heart.

"No, he ain't okay. Can't even stand up by himself without passin' out from the pain…but you wouldn't know that since you done checked out."

"I…I…needed a…"

Again B.A. cut him off. "Don't care what you need. Look, we all support your bein' at the VA and understand they doin' you lots of good. But, Faceman is your friend and he blames himself for you bein' there."

Murdock was taken back. "What?"

"You heard me…he blames himself for your problems. You runnin' away only made it worse for him."

Murdock sat down hard on his bed. "B.A., come get me now. I'm suddenly feeling a lot better."


	69. Chapter 69

Chapter 69:

BA only took the time to quickly inform Hannibal of where he was headed and was off within minutes.

Face had lost consciousness shortly after being settled in bed but not before he saw BA fleeing the room. When he woke up that was the first thing he remembered and a fast glance around confirmed that BA was not there. Hannibal however was sitting with him holding his hand in his own.

"Why are you still here colonel?"

"What do you mean?"

"All your men left."

"You are here."

"I'm not one of your men right now, just a liability."

"Now listen Face and listen good because I'm fed up repeating the same thing over and over again. You are a valuable member of this team no matter your condition, you are not end never will be a liability. You are one of my men whether you like it or not."

"I'm useless ….at the moment."

"You're lucky you added that last part young man and I never want to hear this again. You are sick and injured and you are allowed to be weak in that condition." Hannibal tried to sound like a lecturing father while on the inside he was seething. Why did this usually smart kid not understand a thing when it came to his self worth?

"Besides my other men are not gone, BA is on his way to pick up Murdock who is feeling much better now."

"No, no, no. Murdock can't come here, I'm bad for him. You should all be with Murdock he needs you. Please."

"Oh shut up already. I thought I got you to understand that you aren't the reason Murdock snapped."

Face flinched at the harsh words and Hannibal had to remind himself of his own rules, be calm have patience and handle the issues in subtle manner.

"Why do you think you are responsible for Murdock's state of mind?"

"Because when I came back he was gone. His mind was gone."

"Care to elaborate a little."

"That one time in the camp when the dragged me out of the cages right in the middle of the place for demonstration. When I came back Murdock had snapped…it was too much for him."

Hannibal remembered it well and would never forget. They asked everybody if they knew what had been done to Face in the interrogation hut and when they didn't get an answer they said they would demonstrate. They brought out the table to bend him over it and four guards, one for each side of the table to make sure the demonstration could be seen from every cage. Afterwards they dragged him away for more 'thorough treatment' as they called it. He was returned over 48 hours later and didn't say a single word for the next three days.

"And how exactly did that make you responsible? The VC is responsible not you."

"If I had screamed to their liking or just given them the information they wanted…."

"You think it would have been better for Murdock to see you turning into a traitor?"

"I…I…I don't know, maybe."

"Face, Murdock has not been right in the upper department way before we met you. There's a reason he's called Howling Mad. In fact I was afraid to lose him before you turned up. You grounded him; you and Murdock were best buddies almost from the start. You went along with his craziness and involved him into your scams. I had to constantly get the pair of you out of trouble, but Murdock's mind did get more stable after you joined our unit."

"But he hadn't snapped, he only did after having to watch me getting….getting…you know." He still couldn't bring himself to say it. "Murdock is bored with me. I can't do stuff with him anymore…can't get his comic books…I missed out on at least three so far."

"There's nothing more I could tell you than you aren't responsible. Get some rest, they'll be back soon."

Murdock had called back to meet BA at a local dinner. As he arrived he noticed Dr. Richter's car there and thought Murdock had been followed. As BA came closer he spotted the pair of them sitting inside drinking coffee. He looked friendly enough so BA entered.

"Hi big guy. How's he doing?"

"Same as I told you on the phone."

"Mr. Baracus, you might be surprised to find me here. Don't worry. Murdock told me some of the things that have happened with Mr. Peck. I took him out and will cover for him for as long as needed. I don't want to end up with two members of the A-Team on my hands."

"Thanks man. I was wondering how to spring the fool without Faceman's scams."

"That's another reason why I would prefer Mr. Peck stays out of the psych ward. He's causing enough trouble as it is without being there permanently."

"Move it fool, Faceman's waiting."

The ride back to the cabin was uncomfortable and awkwardly quiet. B.A. kept his eyes trained on the road while Murdock stared aimlessly out the passenger side window. It wasn't until they pulled up the gravel driveway that Murdock said, "I didn't want to hurt him you know."

B.A. sighed. "I know you didn't, fool."

Murdock was still looking out the window. "I never thought about it until you mentioned it, but part of the reason I went crazy is because of Face."

B.A. slammed his hand on the wheel. "Don't you go blamin' Faceman for nothin'. You was nuts before he ever came along. Ain't none of what happened over there his fault."

Murdock turned toward B.A. with tears in his eyes. "No...I didn't mean it was his fault. I...I just meant that watching him being tortured messed with my head. Sent me over the edge."

"Yeah...I know," B.A. said softening his tone. "Messed with the Faceman's head a lot more than we thought too."

"How can I face him? He never walked out on me after all these years...no matter how crazy I got." The tears slid down his cheeks. "And I left him just because he said some things I didn't like. I knew he only said them to push me away, but I used it as an excuse to run back to the VA."

B.A. opened up his door to get out. But before he did he looked at Murdock and said, "Ain't none of us perfect. I seem to remember that me and the colonel ran out on Face before you did since this whole mess started. You held out the longest." He stepped out of the van and walked over to the other side where Murdock had yet to move. "Now get your skinny butt inside and talk to Face."

Murdock had hoped that Face would be awake so he could talk to him right away. But when he walked through the front door he ran into Maggie who informed him that while Face wasn't sleeping, he definitely wasn't with it.

"He's having a real rough time right now, Murdock."

"Can I see him?"

"Of course, but he's not exactly aware of his surroundings at the moment."

Murdock' s heart sped up as he entered Face's room and he saw him lying there on his side, eyes glazed and unfocused, features twisted in pain.

"Captain," Hannibal said from the bed side.

"Colonel," Murdock countered. "How is he?"

Hannibal stood, shook his head and rubbed his red rimmed eyes, clearly exhausted. "Not good...not good." Murdock nodded and inched his way closer. "How are you doing, Murdock? You okay?"

Again Murdock nodded. "Yeah...I just freaked out there for a while."

"I know the feeling." The pair remained quiet for a while just watching Face. After a few minutes Hannibal said, "About an hour ago he stopped responding to me all together and just zoned out."

"And I know that feeling," Murdock said looking down. "Dr. Richter says it's a defense mechanism when things are too much to cope with."

Hannibal put his arm around Murdock for support. "Mark seems satisfied with the way his leg is coming along, but it's killing me watching my boy go through this."

Murdock could feel the tremors coming from Hannibal's body. "Why don't you take a break, Hannibal? I'll stay with Face."

Hannibal was about to object, but decided that it might do Murdock some good to have alone time with Face...and hopefully vice versa. "Okay...just call if you need anything."

Murdock pulled a chair next to Face's bed and started to carefully rub his arm knowing how physical contact always seemed to help him. "I'm here now buddy, won't run out on you again, promised."

But Face didn't respond; just lay there in agony as if he was all alone. It went on like that for a while until his eyes closed and his breathing evened out. He was asleep and out of his agony for now.

The day passed like this with Face occasionally opening and closing his eyes, sleeping or waking. He never responded to any of them which also meant he couldn't be coaxed into opening his mouth to eat and drink and by the time evening came he was back on IV lines. He hadn't even reacted when the needle pierced his skin.

"Murdock, do you have any experience with this kind of behavior?" It was Mark who finally voiced the question.

Murdock inhaled deeply. "More than I would like to have." He paused to collect his thoughts. "It happens to me too sometimes but to be this totally unresponsive, that was only right after Nam. In my case I can hear the things going on around me but not react. I'm in my own world locked up tight with my demons. It stays like that for some time and when I come out of it I'm normal again."

BA opened his mouth but Murdock beat him to it "As normal as it gets."

"Have you seen other cases?" That was Hannibal now, fearing there was more to it from the way Murdock had phrased it.

"Seen and read about it. Some people come out but they are not really out, they just start responding again. Some go back in time and change to their younger self, before whatever sent them over the edge happened. I have seen old men behaving like teens and they don't have any memory of the rest of their past. It stays like that for some time until they are suddenly normal again and then have no recollection of that period of time. I've also read about cases where they started responding in that way and instead of changing to normal went back to being unresponsive. Dr. Richter explained the whole thing is a self defense mechanism. The mind shuts down like an overheated engine. When the individual starts responding with their younger self it's like the mind decided to come out and see if it's safe to come back fully. Depending on what happens then the person will go back to unresponsive or to normal."

"Man, if Faceman goes back to before bad things happened to him we'll be dealin' with a three year old."

"You really mean he could be childlike?"

"Childlike, a soldier in Nam, two months ago, three days ago, or completely normal…anything's possible ,colonel."

"For how long does it last?"

"Minutes to years, again, anything is possible."

Hannibal slumped down in a chair. This could not be happening.

"You mean the fool's finally gone nuts?"

"Bosco! Watch your mouth."

"It's a mental stress disorder. Ones he comes out of it he should be fine. Unlike me or the guys at the hospital he's not a nut case to begin with. As I said he'll be back to normal and his recollection of now depends on whether he can hear us now or not, at least that's what happens to me. I don't remember much of my early months at the VA."

"So it's possible the kid can hear and feel us?"

"Yeah it is."

Within seconds two more chairs were scrapped over the floor and Hannibal and BA sat next to Face touching him.

"Come back to us kid, we need you. You're not alone in your pain" Hannibal's whispered words didn't change anything for now. The Team settled in for a long night while Murdock suggested the other three stay out of the room as much as possible so as not to scare him should he wake up without knowing his surroundings."

Face woke several times through the night, he would moan in pain and shift a little but did still not respond to anyone around him. Eventually Murdock curled up behind him on the bed and held him close.

The next time Face opened his eyes it was midmorning. They went through their routine of saying "Hello Face, how are you feeling?" always hoping he would respond and be normal again.

Face woke up and felt a body next to his holding him. His mind was screaming at him to run but he was frozen. When he heard a deep voice saying 'Hello Face' he jumped and would have fallen right off the bed had Murdock not held him. Hannibal and BA stood by the side of the bed to make sure the struggling couple would not fall off.

"Leave me, no, you've got the wrong one, I'm not called Face, leave me."

"Shh calm down we won't hurt you, calm down kid."

Eventually he did and looked at them with wide and fearful eyes. "Who are you, where's Father?"

"Father?" Murdock asked still hugging Face tight.

"Father Maghill. Wh…where is he?"

"He's fine. He asked us to take care of you for a little while."

Hannibal and B.A. stood still and allowed Murdock to take the lead. He had the most experience with this sort of thing, though usually from the other side.

"He…he did?" Face asked.

"Yes. We're friends of his. Can you tell me your name?"

"If…you're friends of…of the Father then you…should know…my name," he said looking skeptical.

The others couldn't help but smile. Even in his current state…whatever that was…Face was always sharp.

"We do. It's Templeton Peck. I was just asking if you like to be called something else," Murdock quickly said thinking on his feet.

"Um…Temp…some call me…Temp," Face said his body starting to relax.

"Okay…Temp it is." Murdock lessened his grip and bit and asked gently, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine," he answered robotically as if it was something he said often. "Where am I?"

"You are someplace safe." Murdock didn't know how to respond to that without scaring Face.

Face didn't know why, but he had a feeling these men weren't going to hurt him. Still his voice shook as he asked, "Are they…they…gone?"

"Are who gone?"

"Grabbed me…outside of school. Dragged me…behind…dumpster. Kept…kept hitting me…told me…to…keep mouth…shut. Too many…to...fight off." Face started breathing too fast and soon was unable to continue.

"Take deep breaths…it's all over…you're safe," Murdock coaxed.

Hannibal poured a glass of water and knelt slowly next to the bed and held the straw up to Face's mouth. "Drink this…it's just water. Take small sips so you don't get sick."

After Face was done B.A. came over and placed a light blanket over his trembling figure. "Thought you might be cold."

"Th…thanks."

Murdock waited before probing some more. "You said they grabbed you outside of school. What grade are you in?" He was trying to get a grasp on what age Face had regressed to.

"I'm a junior." 'Which would put him at about 16,' they all thought.

"Why did they beat you?"

"Were picking…on a…friend of mine...earlier in day...during P.E. I grabbed a bat…told them…where they…could stick it." A small smile crept onto his handsome face. "Didn't seem…to like…that." The smile vanished as he recalled, "last thing…I remember…took bat…slammed it…into my leg. Hurt…so bad…passed out."

Face's throat felt raw and he looked to the man holding the water.

Hannibal took the hint and again offered him the straw.

Face swallowed down the water then asked. "Who are you?"

"My name is Murdock…the big guy here is B.A….and the old guy is Hannibal," Murdock said.

"Old guy? Hey!" Hannibal protested, good naturedly.

Face smiled weakly, but then his skin began to flush and he gritted his teeth in pain.

"You okay…Temp?" B.A. asked almost stumbling over the name…it felt so foreign.

"I…um…don't feel…so good," Face moaned. The dizziness was bad but he felt oddly safe with these strangers.

Murdock felt Face's body begin to shake and realized that he was quietly crying. "Hey…kid…hey. It's okay."

"S…sor…ry. Don't tell…Father Maghill. He…worries…'bout me," he gasped out between sobs. "Only…person…to ever…care."

Face gasped as his leg was hit by a spasm and he flailed his arm back hitting Murdock squarely in the jaw. Murdock lost his grip on Face temporarily stunned by the blow allowing Face to curl into a ball.

"You okay Murdock?" Hannibal asked as he rushed forward and tried to immobilize Face's injured leg. Murdock nodded while rubbing his jaw. "Temp, I'm going to have a doctor friend of mine come and help you…do you understand?"

Face was squirming in agony; he hated doctors, but he would do anything to make it stop. "Yeah…'kay."

"B.A., get Maggie," Hannibal said figuring she would be the less threatening of the two.

Maggie entered the room not knowing what she was walking into, only being told that Face was having another spasm. Murdock, now fully recovered, was holding Face's upper body from behind, while Hannibal supported the legs. She was glad to see that the incision looked fine, and she right away started massaging the muscles. They were locked up tight and quivering from the intense contraction.

Face cried out as her hands dug into his thigh with all their might. "Please…Stop…I…I…" his eyes opened wide as she hit an especially sore spot and he promptly passed out.

The three other members of the A-Team looked at each other and then back at Face who really did look to only be about 16 at the moment as he lay there being worked on.

"Oh, kid," Hannibal said sadly. "You poor boy."

When the muscles did at last loosen Maggie looked up and sighed. "So he responded. How did it go?"

"He's about 16 or at least that's our guess. Now that I think about it we must be wrong."

"How's that captain?"

"Remember he earlier on revealed that he was 17 when he joined up for the army? By then he was in his sophomore year in college. He must have skipped some grades."

"Hmm, either that or he took an early examination. I remember there were some trials with very intelligent juniors, never heard of those trials again. I guess we'll never know for sure. Hell, even the kid doesn't know for sure."

"You did say he'll be fine if his mind feels safe around us. Does that mean he'll be normal?"

"Don't get your hopes too high big guy. Even if he feels safe it's not a must and then he did pass out from pain caused by one of us. We'll just have to wait and see."

They didn't have to wait for long. Just about 20 minutes later Face came to with a start. His eyes sprung open but were unfocused, he tried to push away from the others but they were prepared and grabbed him before he could move much.

"Please…Stop…I…I…I'll get it…give me just three days….please, no more….I'll get the money."

It was a mesmerizing show. As if his mind was frozen in time and continued where it had left off when he passed out.

His eyes focused and he blinked several times as his mind was processing the new information. "Oh…it's you. Sorry, I…I thought…I thought you were someone else. Where's the doctor?"

"She's gone for some supplies. How are you feeling?"

"What did she say? Is it broken? My leg I mean. You are Murtagh right?"

"Ehm Murdock. She didn't have a result yet. Why do you think it's broken?"

"From the sound of it. Not the first time I heard bones break, I know that sound."

BA couldn't hold back any longer, he wanted to know who bullied his little brother, even if he didn't know him at that time."Who wanted money from you?"

"AB it is, right?"

"BA.

"Same difference."

Hannibal couldn't hold back a snicker and Murdock tried hard to look out the window rather than at BA.

"You wait 'til he gets to your name."

"Oh that he surely remembers. What's my name, kid?"

"Wait, something roman empire…Brutus….no, no …Cesar….no, that other guy, the warlord…the Kathargo guy….Hasdrubal, right?"

That statement sent smirks on BA's and Murdock's face.

"No, his brother, Hannibal."

"You're his brother? Wow, you really don't look that old."

BA and Murdock couldn't hold back their snickers any longer and Hannibal glared at them.

"Father Maghill should have warned us about your smart ass qualities."

"Sorry 'bout that. History isn't my best subject." Face grimaced in pain, "You think this doctor friend of yours could give me something?"

The three looked at each other. "Ehm…we'll see about that when she comes back."

"Could you…I mean if she's not far…could you get her now? It hurts real bad." Face looked down at his lap fidgeting with the blanket; he was obviously uncomfortable to ask them.

Hannibal was thinking of how to tell Face's younger self that he couldn't have anything when Murdock jumped to the rescue. "Sure Temp, not a problem. Let me just get her."

He was out of the room in seconds in pursuit of Maggie.

"Maggie, he needs something for the pain."

"You know that's not an option."

"What about placebo? Just shoot him up with water; he believes he's in high school. Why shouldn't he believe the drug works?"

"We can give it a try."

Maggie quickly got a syringe ready and followed after Murdock who had gone straight back to the room.

"Here she comes, you'll feel better soon."

As soon as Face spotted the syringe he started to shift uncomfortably. "You…uh…don't happen to have anything that comes without a pointed tip?"

"Sorry, for that kind of pain I can only offer you an injection. But don't worry this one doesn't even have a pointed tip, the needle's in your arm already. You won't feel much, I can get it in through the IV port and it really helps a lot."

Young Face was eying her suspiciously.

"Come on kid, just give the doctor your arm, nobody is gonna hurt you."

The internal struggle was still going on but the pain was so bad that he finally relented and let Maggie get to his trembling arm.

"While we wait for the drug to take effect, you haven't answered BA's question. Who wanted money from you?"

He really didn't want to tell but somehow this Hannibal had an air about him that signaled authority but also safety. "It's …my friend and me…we used to buy some… uhm…stuff from them and now we don't buy anymore and they demand we still have to pay them."

"You mean you bought your drugs from them." BA scowled at Temp.

"No…how…how did you know?"

"Put one and one together."

"Don't…please don't tell Father. We stopped, really we did stop. Haven't taken anything in a month. Oh man, how am I gonna …uhm…acquire enough money with a broken leg? How long does this drug need to work, it hurts like hell."

It was surreal for the team over the next couple of hours. They were talking to Face…yet he wasn't their Face. This Face was still Templeton the orphan. His time at the orphanage wasn't something he liked to talk about and it was fascinating to get a glimpse of what he must have been like pre-Vietnam.

"How're you feeling now, Temp?" Murdock asked as he noticed Face shift uncomfortably and then grimace.

"B…better," he forced out. The look on his face said he was still hurting though. "You…you don't…have to stay with…me. I can take care of myself."

'Even as a kid, the kid is trying to push people away,' Hannibal thought. "We don't have to stay, but we want to."

"Yeah, man," B.A. added, "And you hurt…can hardly fend for yourself."

Face looked down and said under his breath, but loud enough that they could hear, "wouldn't be the first time."

As time passed, Face started talking more and more. Whether it was because he became more comfortable in front of the team, distracted by pain, more exhausted, or a combination of the three, they didn't know. It was as if young Face was as the end of his rope and the words flew out freely because he had nothing left with which to hold them back.

As he started winding down, Face looked at the three men before him and said, "I'm too…old…to get adopted. Heck…I was too…old when my…mother…left me there…at five. Now…that I'm…fourteen…I'm…ancient."

Hannibal had to put his hand over his mouth and pretend to rub his chin in order to hide his sorrow. If Face was telling them he was a junior in high school at fourteen, it was true that he had only been 17 when he joined up with them. 'Damn…too young…too young to go through that.'

"Don't deserve…a…family. I'm a…screw up."

Face's eyelids were drooping but he continued to let loose his stream of consciousness. "I…used to…pray that…she would come…back. Gave up…long time…ago. Then I…asked God...for any family. Got a few…of those…didn't last. Hurt me…bad…did bad things…to…me. Made…me…bad."

His eyes shut completely. "Now I…pray…for pain…to end. Think about…ending it…but Father…can't hurt the Father."

His voice was but a whisper. "Never know…maybe…find a family…one day. Maybe…somebody…will…love…me." Face's body went limp and he was out.

"We'll love you," Murdock said stroking his cheek. "Just wait a few years until you meet Murtagh, AB and Hasdrubal."


	70. Chapter 70

Chapter 70:

Face slept soundly for a few hours before starting to moan and mumble. But the words coming out of his mouth weren't English.

"Vietnamese?" B.A. asked. "But he can't know how to speak it yet."

Murdock shrugged his shoulders. "He could be moving to another time. He might go back and forth through the years. We won't know where he's at until he's awake."

When Face did wake up moments later he was screaming at the top of his lungs. He bolted upright and yelled, "Murdock…I'm sorry!" Then he doubled over in agony eyes unfocused and seeing things from another time.

"You two duck out of sight but be ready, I've got a feeling I know where he's now at and seeing Murdock might send him over the edge for good. He's barely holding on to it as it is now."

"You got it colonel, I can guess too and he always responded best to you when he was brought back."

Murdock and BA ducked low behind the head of the bed as Hannibal approached Face.

"Face, look at me, you're safe. Face, Face look at me kid." But Face wasn't responding. He was mumbling and moaning and tossing here and there clutching his arm tight to his body while being curled together.

"Lieutenant, look at me, that's an order." Still no reaction.

Hannibal approached him and lightly touched his shoulders. "Face, it's me"

"No stop, please…no more…can't take mmmooore…please, I won't struggle again…please stop."

"Face, Face it's me Hannibal." Hannibal tried to get a hold of his arm to stop him from tossing around too much.

"No, no please…not the other one too, please…I'll hold still, please don't break the other one too."

Hannibal vividly remembered how bad Face's upper arm was broken by the time he was returned from the session following the 'demonstration'. They had had plans to run that night but then Face was taken and after he was returned he was so bad off and Murdock had snapped. They had to postpone it for almost two weeks. By the time they had Murdock together enough to run with them, but Face's arm looked real bad and urgently needed treatment.

"Face, it's me Hannibal. I won't break your arm, nobody will."

Face's eyes were still glazed but focused some on Hannibal. "Hannibal, why are you here? No, Chao. You promised."

"Chao is not here kid."

"But..but.. why did they take you, he promised not to hurt you if I don't scream during their demonstration."

"They didn't take me kid, I'm here…Chao is not. You're safe."

"No no, go, Chao'll come back, he's not done with me. Go, he'll hurt you too."

"No kid, I won't go and Chao will not come back, you're safe, it's over."

"No, it's not. We're in the interrogation hut, can't you see? Why are you here? Why didn't you run? What happened?"

"Do you think we could run without you kid? Won't ever happen, never, we won't leave you alone kid."

"Hannibal go. Chao will come back, he can't find you here. I…I'm sorry I screamed. Murdock…Murdock… can't take more, sorry you had to watch. Didn't scream…didn't want to later but…too much."

"There's nothing you have to be sorry for kid. Absolutely nothing, I'm proud of you."

"No, no you shouldn't. I…I gave up. Screamed….Murdock, I'm bad for him. You should have run."

"No kid, you didn't give up. It's okay to scream. You did real good."

"No, gave up, screw up. Pain too much when they broke my arm…told me to do as Chao wants ….I gave in. They wanted to break my other arm too….need it to be any good for you….can't break both arms….screwed up. Let him take me without struggle…I'm whore."

"No kid, no don't say that. You are not, they hurt you, you didn't have a choice."

"Didn't want to scream, didn't want to, Murdock, sorry, so sorry…." Face drifted off again.

BA rose but Murdock had a lost look in his eyes. "Keep it together fool. Now's not the time." he said in a soft voice pulling the pilot up.

"He never screamed during the demonstration. He had his eyes screwed shut but never screamed, for me, but he suffered for nothing. In my dreams I see him bent over this table and I hear him scream again and again and again."

"You ain't the only one fool." BA admitted. "What I don't understand is why his mind keeps taking him to the bad times; you said he would retreat to the good ones."

"Everyone's different. Maybe his mind decided to air some things that got too much to keep inside."

Hannibal stayed with Face while B.A. went to get Mark to check him over while he was unconscious. Murdock had started rocking slightly and talking to himself…or possibly Billy and Chuck. Not wanting to push the pilot too far, he ordered Murdock to take a break and get some rest. Murdock, however, refused to leave the room and simply found a blanket and got comfortable on the floor next to Face. He didn't even move when Mrs. B. announced that food was ready."

When Mark was finished with the exam he said, "Physically he is doing about as well as can be expected. Mentally, however, I'm hearing that he isn't too good."

Hannibal nodded miserably. "I don't know what else to do, Mark."

"I'd say that you are doing exactly what he needs. You are here for him and showing him support at whatever stage of his life he is reliving. That being said, we need to continue with his therapy regardless of where he thinks he is."

Hannibal wasn't surprised. "I was going to ask about that. But how can we explain to him what we are doing?"

"Next time he awakens, see what he says. If it is a situation where I can be brought in and explained away, we'll run with it and hope for the best."

Face opened his eyes a few hours later and they knew instantly that he wasn't back in the present yet. He looked around at his three teammates and then closed his eyes again. "Hey," he said.

Hannibal took the lead this time. "Hey yourself, kid."

Face reopened his eyes and asked, "Is everybody okay?" He still wasn't sure where he was, only that he hurt.

Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. looked up at each other briefly, unsure what Face was talking about. He obviously knew who they were, but they needed more information.

"Everybody's fine. How are you feeling? And I expect the truth," Hannibal said in the hopes that if he could get Face to explain what he was feeling he could figure out where he was.

"Kinda dizzy. Tired…real tired." His eyes shut once more.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Hannibal questioned.

"Bailing from the…window. Hit ground…hard. Got in…van…drove off." Face groaned and then his eyes opened wide with fear. "B.A.!"

B.A. was stunned by the exclamation. "I'm right here lil' brother."

"Sorry…so…sorry."

"What for, Faceman."

"Van…my fault…van." He was becoming upset and started to sit up.

Murdock took hold of his shoulders and eased him back down. "Not, yet, Muchacho. Just lay still for a while until we get you checked out by a doctor."

Hannibal smiled at Murdock. 'Smooth, real smooth.' And at least they knew that it was after the war, since B.A. didn't get his van until they escaped and were on the run.

"No…no…B.A….don't…hate me."

"Hate you? I could never hate you, man." B.A. didn't like the direction this was going in at all.

"You…told me…to be…careful with…van. I…got it…shot up."

It hit them all at once…and hard.

During one of their earlier missions, Hannibal sent Face on a supply run to a local hardware store. He had taken a long time to return and when he did he was sans the requested materials and the van was a mess.

B.A. lit into him right away and when he stopped Hannibal took over. They hadn't taken the time to ask what had happened. Face was on his feet, so once again, they assumed he was okay and that whatever happened was his fault.

Murdock thought back to that day and how Face stood there without trying to defend himself. Even if he had, would they have bothered to listen? When they had finished lecturing him, Face headed to the hotel bedroom to clean up. Murdock followed and sat on the bed listening to the sound of the shower running. It ran…and ran…and ran.

Finally, Murdock got nervous and knocked on the door. No reply.

Murdock pushed the door open and found Face sitting on the floor with his back against the wall. He never made it into the shower. He was clad only in a pair of boxer shorts, but a large portion of the right side of his body was turning a deep shade of purple.

"Mur…dock…don't…don't feel…very good," Face said. He said it back then and he repeated the same phrase again as he lay in the bed.

"I know you don't, buddy. I'm going to go get a doctor friend of mine to check out your injuries, okay?"

Face nodded and watched Murdock as he exited the room. He looked up at the ceiling not wanting to make eye contact with the other two who he was sure were still angry with him for messing up.

"Mark, I introduced you as a doctor friend of mine. Face is back at an early mission where he got injured on a supply run. His whole right side, or most of it, especially the waist and thigh were deeply bruised and a nice dark shade of purple I would say within the hour or two after his fall."

"You weren't with him when it happened?"

"No, he was alone, it was just a supply run and we found out only later…after BA had threatened to kill him because of getting his van shot up and Hannibal had lectured him about being late and turning up without the supplies. As per usual I would say, we were jerks and he suffered in silence."

"Where did you hole up?"

"At a hotel."

"So you would now be calling me to give me the address, you need to go back to the room and I'll knock out here in about 10 minutes pretending I've just arrived. What injuries did he sustain other than the bruises and what was his general condition?"

"Um, there was something with a bone but I can't really remember well, only know we got him to a veterinarian to get patched up and he was complaining like something else. It's funny, my memory of the early times isn't that great…has some holes here and there where I zoned out. I can't even tell what exactly happened and what injury he had but I remember those details. Sadly I also remember that we never let him hear the end of this veterinarian story."

"Hmm, did it happen to be a leg injury? That would be great to explain the PT away?"

"I'm sorry, I really can't tell. I'm sure Hannibal knows."

"Then when I 'arrive' in about ten minutes send Hannibal to let me in. He can then fill me in on the details and I'll think of something. Maybe I should get some chickens and a dog to accompany me if I'm supposed to play a vet."

"I could always let you have Billy; I can be the chicken if you want. I did a great performance of one the first time we came to Bad Rock."

"I think I'll be okay without it, Murdock, maybe I'll just come riding on my horse…I hope this hotel has a parking space for it, now go back inside." The joking felt good and he hoped it would take some of the strain from Murdock too.

"Hey there buddy, doc 's on his way, will be here within 10 minutes. How are you holding up?"

Face was visibly relieved to see Murdock coming back, he felt so uncomfortable around BA and the colonel. They were pissed and it really wasn't his fault. Nothing new there, getting lectured and punished for things he had not done had happened rather often in his past, not that it made it any nicer. The real problem was that he had those very two people with him to care for him. He had asked for the bucket just in the nick of time, hoping to avoid using it altogether and had quickly gotten another grunt from BA to announce things earlier next time. But now Murdock was back.

"I'm fine."

"Sure you are, and the bucket that BA is currently cleaning came over to say hello and decided to have a bath once it is here, right?"

Great, now Murdock was lecturing too. But just after that comment he started to massage Face's temples and it felt so good to have a friendly touch. Silence descended over the room until they heard a knock.

Murdock had thought about how he would get Hannibal to go out and felt if he got busy with Face he would have an excuse. "That must be the doc, colonel can you get the door please?" He locked eyes with Hannibal and willed him not to send BA.

Hannibal got the message and left the room.

"Hannibal, Murdock told me he had a bone injury. What was it?"

"A hairline fracture in the hip bone. At first we didn't get him x-rayed but he kept having problems especially when he ran or jumped. Then some time later we had a case for a veterinarian clinic and got him x-rayed there. He complained like crazy about being placed on a table that was meant for nothing bigger than a dog. We had to use the backrest of a chair to support his legs and head. When the case was over we went to some quiet place for six weeks to let him heal and had to all but drag him back to the place for another picture and to get him cleared for duty."

"And his thigh?"

"Bruised badly and obviously painful, but it healed fine without treatment."

"Okay, let's see how he'll take it."

"Hi, I'm Mark, a friend of Murdock. How do you feel?"

"Fine thanks."

"Lieutenant."

"Uhm, hurts real bad… kinda dizzy."

"Let me have a look."

"I'm worried about this bruise on your thigh. It needs work out to heal properly. We need to move your leg to release the bruise and to avoid you ending up with permanent problems like lasting muscle pain."

"But…no please, it hurts just to lay still."

"Sorry, it's absolutely necessary."

"No, please. Just leave it."

"There's a different option, I could use a large syringe and draw the liquid out. But it is mighty painful."

"No, no, I'll do the PT…just tell me what I have to do."

"You don't have to do anything, we'll move your leg for you."

They got started and Face screamed in pain. He hadn't prepared himself for the pain as he had done when he was in the here and now and knew of his injury.

"No, Murdock, tell him to stop...please stop. It wasn't my fault, please." At last Face passed out from the pain and the movements were continued in silence.

"Now I know what injury he had and who treated him. Does someone care to tell me the whole story? What the hell happened?"

Hannibal stood by Face's head and wiped some sweat off of his brow. "It was less than a year after we escaped from Fort Bragg. We had to make money somehow and we weren't exactly employable, so we decided to put our specialized skills to work helping people in need."

"Soldiers of fortune?" Mark asked.

Hannibal smiled. "Yeah…I guess you can say that. Well, on this particular case we were hired by sisters to rebuild and protect their small coffee shop that had been destroyed by a bunch of no good hoodlums that wanted their property to build some sleazy bar on. I sent Face to the hardware store to work his magic. It turns out they anticipated us being there and were waiting for Face."

Mark was still moving Face's leg through the range of motion exercises, but he paused and asked, "Work his magic?"

"He mean scam us our supplies," B.A. explained.

"Oh," he started up again and as he was stretching Face's leg he asked, "How?"

It was Murdock's turn to chime in. "It's the face…thus his name. One look at his face and a touch of his charm and Face can get almost anything without having to even ask."

"Really?"

"Most of the time," Hannibal replied. "The kid can handle himself, but this time he was outnumbered. They beat him up a bit and then tossed him out a window. He jumped in the van and sped away but not before those bums used the vehicle for target practice."

"Better the van than Face," Mark pointed out.

"True…very true." Hannibal's blue eyes went a shade darker as he recounted what happened next. "When Face returned to the hotel, B.A. saw the van and I saw no supplies…"

"And they both saw red," Murdock interrupted.

"I should have asked if he was okay…there's no excuse…but he seemed okay."

Murdock rolled his eyes. "As if that ever means anything with Face."

"Times was different then, fool, and you know it," B.A. argued.

"I was so focused on our survival in those days that I probably missed a lot of things going on with Face…with all of you."

"Nobody blames you, colonel," Murdock quickly said.

Hannibal sighed. "Maybe not…but I blame myself. Especially seeing what has become of Face these days."

Murdock took over for Hannibal sensing that he was having a hard time keeping his emotions in check. "I found Face in the bathroom on the floor. He was severely bruised and conscious…but barely."

"Why didn't you take him to a hospital immediately?"

"Mark, this was early '73," Hannibal said. "We were all over the news still…it would have been way too dangerous."

"So Face walked around on a fractured hip for weeks before anybody noticed there was a problem?" Mark looked astounded as he lowered the injured limb down slowly and did one last inspection of the incision site.

Hannibal shook his head. "Oh no, we noticed he was hurting. But again, this was right after Nam and we were all still recovering physically," he glanced at Murdock," and mentally, from our time in the camps."

"Especially Faceman," B.A. said. "He had it bad, man. There was many days when he barely could get outta bed in the mornin'. And that lasted for the first couple of years we was on the run."

"Once he was up for a while it would get better," Hannibal added. "We really knew Face was injured when he just couldn't seem to work through the leg and hip pain…and as the day would progress, he would limp more."

"A man…or boy, rather…of his age having trouble getting out of bed in the morning." Mark looked down at Face sadly. "I can't even imagine."

"It was awful to witness," Hannibal remembered. "And the worst part was that he would get angry at himself for not healing faster. He would try so hard to mask the pain and pretend everything was alright."

There was a low moan from the bed. Mark was about to witness firsthand what it was like for Face in the morning during those early days as a fugitive.

Face opened his eyes and his gaze wandered through the room past his team mates and Mark and stopped on Murdock. "Oh how I hate mornings. Hi Murdock, where are the others?"

"Gone out for some morning sports."

Face drew his eyebrows up, "BA is out running? What happened?"

"Hannibal convinced him."

It was surreal for the others, they were there but Face looked clear through them and only saw Murdock. It was a good thing though because he was more open with Murdock.

Face shifted and grimaced. "Damnit, when will this ever stop."

"Time heals all wounds Face."

"Those ones sure had enough time. I want those army meds back."

"What army meds?"

"Those that made me fit for duty."

"Come on now, you were declared fit for duty over a year ago."

"Yeah, fit for duty if only the enemy gives me 30 minutes to wake up and get my bones assorted before they attack."

"What do you mean?"

"They gave me prescription meds, Murdock. Something army highly classified, no idea what was in them but they worked super. Almost no pain after I took them and no side effects. If anything they made me more sharp and not drowsy like those Hannibal keeps trying to feed me."

"Trying to feed you?"

"You taught me how to palm them, forgotten? I swear the toilets of our various hotel rooms will never feel any pain again."

"And you ask for army meds?"

"They are real good, Murdock. Would take this damn pain away, it's driving me crazy."

"How long since you had the last one?"

"Since Fort Bragg. Once I was no use to them sitting around in a prison they didn't see it necessary to supply me with more. Right now I could really use them; this fall out off the window has done nothing to help my healing and my waist hurts like hell. When did BA and Hannibal leave? Do you think it's safe to lay down a bit longer before I crawl to my feet?"

"Sure is, we are not under attack. You can always get up when they are back."

"You know I don't want them to see me like this."

"Just close your eyes, they'll take some time."

Face did as he was told and drifted off again.

Hannibal ran a weary hand through his hair. "I knew it was bad for him but never knew just how bad. They should never have declared him fit for duty, instead they used him as an experiment. How could I have missed all this?"

When Face woke up next he rubbed his eyes and yawned and stretched like a child would do. He looked around and again didn't seem to see where he was but someplace else. Then he fixed his eyes straight on Hannibal and asked in a small voice, "Father, has my mama come back yet?"

If Hannibal paled anymore, he would have become translucent. Face had called him 'Father'. It took him a second to put together that he was talking to one of the priests at the orphanage, most likely Father Maghill.

"No...no my child...I'm afraid she hasn't." Hannibal tried to talk as much as the kindly priest as he could.

Face's bottom lip began to quiver and he wrapped his arms around himself. "She's not coming back is she?"

Hannibal didn't know how he should respond to that. Of course he knew that Face's mother would never be coming back for her son. But what should he tell the little boy trapped inside of a man's body before him? Did he need to be told that to his face when he would find out soon enough? Hannibal didn't have to say anything before Face spoke again.

"It's okay, Father." He was trying his hardest to be brave and not let his disappointment show. "Don't know why I ask anymore."

Hannibal leaned over the bed and carefully embraced Face, who immediately dissolved into tears. "Shh,shh...it's okay my boy."

"I'm..nobody's...boy," he sobbed. His voice was muffled by Hannibal's shoulder, but they all heard what came next loud and clear. "Why...why did...she leave...me? I tried...to be...a good...boy. I must...be...bad."

Hannibal felt as if he were holding a five year old instead of a grown man. The hurt coming out of him was so pure and raw. It tore at his heart and made him feel sick. "No, Templeton, you did nothing wrong. You are not a bad boy...you are a very good boy."

Hannibal held Face until he cried himself back to sleep a few minutes later. Between all the new information he was learning about Face needing drugs just to cope with his pain and then seeing Face asking for his mama as a small child, it was too much.

He slid away from the sleeping form and said to the others, "I need some air."

Hannibal walked out the door, straight past Maggie and Mrs. B and out onto the front porch where he took off in a run. He didn't stop until he reached the lake where he let out a gut wrenching scream.

They all heard the scream from inside the house. No one said a word; it was very rare for Colonel John 'Hannibal' Smith to ever lose his cool like that. And when Hannibal did come back some thirty minutes later, nobody said anything at that point either. Maggie just pulled him into a hug and held him tight.


	71. Chapter 71

Chapter 71:

Finally Hannibal pulled away, wiped away the moisture from his eyes, and said, "I'm going to make a call to Father Maghill. I have a few questions for..."

That call would have to wait. He was cut off by Murdock, who had been sitting with Face while he rested. He came running into the room as if his pants were on fire. "Face...he's awake."

"What that got you so excited 'bout, fool?" B.A. grumbled. They had all hoped he would remain sleeping for quite some time to help him heal.

"No...you don't get it...it's our Face. He's back with us...at least for now." Murdock turned not wanting to leave his friend alone. Hannibal and B.A. followed closely behind.

Face was awake but didn't acknowledge any of the people coming into the room. How Murdock would know that this is their Face was anybody's guess but then again they could hardly ask him at the moment. After standing there in awkward silence for a few seconds Hannibal went forward and took Face's hand in his own. He had a hard time to shake the image of the little lost boy and had to stop himself from pulling Face forward into another embrace. Murdock had said he would probably not remember what happened earlier on and Hannibal didn't want to scare him off.

"Face, how are you feeling?"

"This question got old a long time ago, colonel." Face didn't even look at him. Nobody spoke again but Hannibal kept holding his hand and running his thumb lightly over the back of it. After a while Face sighed, "Sorry colonel, it's just…I'm confused and dizzy and the pain's driving me nuts. And I'm tired, real tired."

"Why are you confused, Face?"

"Because…because I don't know….don't know what's happening."

"Why not?"

"Just now Murdock's at the VA and then I fail again at PT and BA runs out of the room disgusted and then I open my eyes again minutes later and Murdock is there just to run out again…I mean why did you come back at all if you can't stand to see me?"

"That's not true Face, I just called the others." Hannibal silenced Murdock.

"Let's get it in order kid. First thing, what time of the day is it?"

"Morning. PT's just ended…I can tell by the pain in my leg, can't have slept for long."

"Actually kid, the PT you remember was two days ago. You were out of it during today's one. And it's not morning; it's close to ten at night."

"No way, I didn't sleep for that long."

"Just look outside kid, it's dark."

"But…how?"

"An I never ran out on ya fool, only went to make an urgent call."

"Yeah sure."

"And I did come back from the VA. You're far more important than any program of the week at the VA."

"I…I…I'm just….I'm just so confused. Look it wasn't easy for me to open up and now you are all going and coming. Can't you just decide already?"

"We all decided when you were out. None of us is going anywhere. Nobody's gonna pester you. I'll watch over you. "

"It's just…I…it was really hard for me to tell you all this, bare my soul in front of you and… you seem undecided whether to stay or go."

"We'll stay kid, no question there."

"Then why do you keep running?"

"We don't…"

Mrs. B had been standing outside with the doctors and now stepped forward, "I think what you all need is a time out."

"Huh?"

"A time away from each other, John."

"That's…."

"Out now, all of you, I'll stay here. Now Face, I won't tolerate no nonsense, you better watch what you do. And the rest of you, discuss in detail and present your results tomorrow morning."

"I'll stay too, Mama."

"No you won't."

"But what if he needs something?"

"I'll take care of all his needs, don't worry, out now."

"My baby, now that we're alone, will you tell me what's bothering you?"

"I...I...I can't tell you," Face said. Forgetting about his injury, he started to roll over in the bed so he wouldn't have to look at Mrs. B. "Argh," he yelped and right away he saw the edges of his vision closing in and the darkness threatening him.

Mrs. B. rubbed his back as she encouraged him to take slow, deep breaths. Once it appeared that the pain had lessened, she started in again. "You most certainly can tell me. You can tell me anything, child. Ain't nothin' gonna change the fact that I love you."

Face froze and then turned his head slightly to look at her. "You...you...love me?"

"But of course I do...we all do, honey. You just too sick and tired right now to see it."

Face looked away again. "Don't deserve...love."

"Everybody is deserving of love, Templeton. Especially somebody as good as you."

"Good?" He bit his lip and took a quivering breath. "I stopped...being...good...a long...time ago."

Mrs. B pulled a chair up to the bed, sat down and crossed her legs and arms in a no-nonsense stance. "You keep sayin' that you bad...prove it."

"Prove it?"

"You heard me. You got a bad leg...ain't nothin' wrong with your ears." Face broke out into a small grin. "Now that's more like it. Now...prove to me that you bad."

The grin went as quickly as it had arrived. "Please...don't. Don't make me...say...say...what I've done."

But Mrs. B wasn't backing down. "Prove it," she repeated.

Face started listing all the reasons he was a bad person, rattling them off as quickly as his hitched breathing would allow. "I...I've stolen...I've scammed...I've killed...I've let men...you know...um hurt me...I drove...my parents...away." Face was bright red with embarrassment by the time he had finished.

"That all?" Mrs. B. asked raising her eyebrows.

"Isn't...isn't that...enough?"

"Oh, child," she said uncrossing her limbs and leaning forward to hold his hand. "You may steal or scam...but do you do it for yourself or to help others?"

"To...help...help others."

"And when did you kill anybody?"

"N...Nam. Killed...so many...died."

"That was war, Templeton. That is what happens in war. Have you killed since?"

"N...no. Made pact...never to...kill...again.

"And those men you say you 'let hurt you'. Did you let them or did they force you?"

Face's heart was pounding as was his head. "They...forced...me," he cried.

Mrs. B. wanted to appear strong, but on the inside her heart was aching for Face. "That's right...they forced you. You didn't ask for so many people to hurt you. And that goes for your mama and daddy too...they was the bad ones for doin' you like they did. There ain't nothin' bad about you, Templeton. In fact, I consider you to be a miracle."

"A miracle?" he asked in a strained voice. The pain was starting to engulf him once again.

"Yes, a miracle. You seen lots of hardship in your life...but you still here. You still try to help others. You a fighter. And you gonna come out of this stronger than ever."

Face squeezed Mrs. B's hand; his thigh was burning and his head was spinning.

"You remember, you the son Hannibal always wanted and the brother I wished I could have given to my Bosco. And Murdock...you his everything."

Face went as stiff as a board, focused on the ceiling and said, "I...need...to...tell you...something."

Mrs. B. briefly thought about telling him to rest and calm down. The rate he was going he would end up with physical problems sooner rather than later. However she was more concerned about his fragile mental state right now. He had after all just come out of whatever it was and it had scared her. Whatever it was he wanted to say he needed to get it out so she let him continue for now.

"Murdock….I ….did all…this…to him. …He wasn't …mad…when met him….my best friend…ever…caused this…I'm bad." Face began to tremble and Mama decided she had to go a middle way, try to calm him some while keeping him talking.

"Now, now, we've been over that. You're not a bad boy. Slow your breathing a bit and then you can tell me what happened. Calm down a little, that's better. Why did you cause Murdock to go crazy?"

"No, crazy he …always was. Caused him to…go mad. ..Was the good kind of crazy…now bad type, bad for him."

"Templeton you have to calm more, slow deep breaths. Calm down, you want to tell me what happened, need to be able to speak in full sentences. Calm down, all is right….That's it, slow breaths. Now you can go on but keep your voice down, that way you don't spend too much energy."

Face inhaled deeply. "Nothing is right, Mama. I'm losing my family, the only one I ever had."

"But child, we are all here. You're not losing anybody."

"Everybody is here alright but Murdock, BA and Hannibal… they changed. It's never going to be the same again and I miss it so much."

"You miss how bad they treated you?"

"No…they didn't treat me bad…I never said anything or they would have changed. Maybe sometimes they were hard on me, but generally they treated me better than anyone ever has."

"So what changed?"

"Hannibal is always the one in control. When I'm sick or injured he will give out the orders and be the doctor. Now he's only sad and concerned and I caused it. He won't ever look at me the same."

"But Maggie and Mark are here, he doesn't need to be the doctor and can show his concern more."

"They are sure the better doctors…his methods are sometimes real painful and his chicken soup tastes terrible."

"See, nothing terrible there. What else has changed?"

"BA, he always grumbles about me being sick again and having to play nurse. He always helps me and is there for me, but he also always grumbles and threatens me if I don't want to take my meds or stay in bed. It's just…it's not him being all nice and not even frowning all the time."

"Don't worry, rest assured that my son will be his grumbly threatening self in no time, trust me, I'm his mother. Wait 'till you are up to disrespect doctor's orders and all will be back to normal. He has a soft spot for you, always had."

"With all the things he knows now I'm afraid he'll treat me different."

"He knows you for so long; believe me old habits die hard. But that's not really what's bothering you, is it?"

"No, it's Murdock. I made a terrible mistake years ago…even BA and Hannibal don't know. He could be fine by now but I kept him in Nam and now he's seen that it was all my fault and is avoiding me. I can't lose him; he's my best friend, my second half."

"What are you talking about baby?"

"He…when we met…we were both crazy but the good type. He ran so many scams with me and I played along with his silly jokes. I had a lot of friends over the years but he was special, I never had a good friend like him, we were perfect together…well, not if you ask Hannibal who always had to bail us out of trouble. He taught me stuff, like driving a motorbike and surfing. I scammed a bike from base and we went into the jungle and he taught me how to ride. BA was so mad when we returned. I had run it into some bushes and it had leaves and branches all over. I was all bruised and scratched but it was one of the best days of my life. Then we were on R+R and he taught me how to surf, said it was almost like flying. We had so much fun together." In a whisper he added "He saved my life."

"How did he save your life?"

"I…I went…I went to Nam to die. I wanted to die but then I wanted it to do somebody good…like only risk too much when someone else was in trouble and my dying would save that person. Anything else would have been too close to suicide and I just couldn't do that. I had been with different units before and almost succeeded several times but they always patched me up again. He made me love life. And then I went and screwed up his. He might have been closer to the edge than most of us but he was far from insane. And then came the camps and in addition to all he had to watch me being tortured. But he still held it together. I knew he would hold on as long as I didn't scream and so I didn't. But on the second day of torture after they made him watch I betrayed him. I was in the interrogation hut with them and they broke my arm, not fast but very slowly so I could watch how it would bend and finally break. I didn't scream and they had to bring me back around several times but then they took the arm, stretched it and twisted it so that the bone ends would grate together. They told me if I wouldn't scream they would break the other one too. That was when I betrayed him and screamed and begged them to stop." He left out the rapes and how Chao had not really wanted him to scream, but to agree to staying still for the next rape without being held down, to willingly give himself.

"Templeton, you didn't betray anyone. I don't know of a single person that could hold out for so long without screaming. I'm sure Murdock does not hold this against you. With all the screams in the camp he would have gone over the edge sooner or later anyway, don't you think?"

"Maybe, but this was not the worst. Some weeks before, when I was returned to the cage and Hannibal and BA were not there he swore to me to never leave me and that he would always be there for me. And after the camps, when he had it together somehow there was a psych test to see if he was fit for duty and I knew he would never pass it and he would go. That night I asked him to join me for a walk because I feared it would be one of the last nights we had together. I told him how sad I was he was leaving and then he asked me to do the test for him. It was in Saigon, they didn't know us in person. I readily agreed because I didn't want to lose him…falsified an ID card and passed his test for him. I should never have done that, he could have gotten help then and not when it was too late. And now he's finally seen it and is avoiding me. And as soon as Hannibal and BA find out what I did I'm minced meat."

Hannibal, meanwhile, was down the hall on the phone with Father Maghill. It was a call he had wanted to make earlier before Face last woke up.

The relief was evident in the older man's voice. "John, thank goodness, I've been so worried."

"I'm sorry I haven't called you, Father, but I'm afraid things have been a little crazy of late."

"How is my boy?"

"I'm afraid he has had a few setbacks since we last spoke." 'And that's putting it mildly,' Hannibal thought. But he didn't want to go into too much detail and scare the priest about things Face might not want him to know about anyway.

"Oh dear, nothing too serious I hope."

"He had to have a surgical procedure on his leg that he is having a rough time recovering from. That's why I'm calling...he was out of it for a bit and started talking about some incidents from the past. I thought it might be helpful if you could fill in some of the gaps for me."

"I'll help in any way I can," the priest readily agreed.

Hannibal relayed what Face had told them about the beating at school, leaving out the part about the drugs. When he had finished there was silence on the other end of the phone. "Father?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. Is that all that he told you? The story doesn't end there...it gets worse."

Hannibal cringed. 'Worse? How could it get worse?' He was about to find out.

"You see, Templeton had got himself involved with drugs for a wee bit."

"You knew?" Hannibal asked.

"Yes, though it took a while before I found out. Templeton never acted differently in front of me, but I noticed he wasn't around as often and he and Tommy were hanging out with a...how can I put this nicely?...less than desirable crowd. One day Tommy's stash fell out of his jacket pocket while he was over visiting and I confronted the boys."

"Tommy?"

"Tommy was the boy Templeton was sticking up for. They were very close. Templeton gave me his word he would quit...and he did. Tommy, on the other hand, had a rougher go of it."

Hannibal groaned. "Don't tell me..."

"I think you can guess what happened."

"Face didn't owe any money, but Tommy did."

"Bingo! Templeton was stronger than Tommy and he was well aware that Tommy didn't stand a chance against them. So he took the heat for him."

"That sounds like my Face."

The priest's voice faltered as he spoke again, the memories hitting him hard. "I got a call from the hospital and rushed right away to his side. He was covered in bruises...but his leg...his leg was badly damaged. Templeton was in so much pain, but he refused any drugs saying he had promised me he wouldm't take drugs anymore. Finally I convinced him that this was different and they were able to sedate him while they set the bones. When he was just about to go under I asked him who had done this to him. I knew he wouldn't speak or what he would call 'rat on' the culprits when in his right mind."

"Did he tell you?"

"I remember it as if it were yesterday. He looked up at me with those blue eyes of his and said, 'Mikey...Mikey hit me with the bat. Why...why would he turn on me?'. It took all I had not to fall over from the shock.

Hannibal wasn't sure he wanted to know, because it wasn't going to be good. But he asked, "Who was Mikey?"

"Mikey was one of the older boys at the orphanage, or at least he had been before he aged out a few months prior. But Templeton idolized him and Mikey would always let him tag along. I wouldn't be surprised if that is partly why he started dabbling in drugs. They were like brothers and when Mikey left, Templeton was lost without him."

"Oh, poor kid. No wonder why this left such an impression on him that he would bring it up years later." Hannibal didn't have the heart to tell the Father that the drugs had started way earlier and he wasn't introduced to them by Mikey but some junkies in a trailer park.

"Unfortunately, it doesn't end there. Templeton remained in the hospital for a week and after that required extensive therapy on his leg if he were going to walk properly. Therapy which they didn't exactly offer up for an orphan who was broke. I absorbed as much as I could from the therapists before he was released and he and I would religiously...no pun intended...perform the exercises. It took some time, but by the next year he was back to being the star quarterback of the football team."

Hannibal smiled into the phone, beaming with pride as any father would. "Doesn't surprise me...the kid's got heart."

"That he does. But that same heart was broken a couple of weeks after the incident. Tommy came by to see Templeton. It was the first smile I had seen on his face since the fight...he was hurting so badly. But then Tommy started screaming about how Templeton had ruined his life and that he hated him and hoped he could never walk right again. I can still see the look on my poor boy's face...pure and utter devastation. It turned out that Tommy's parents didn't take kindly to the news that their son used drugs and promptly blamed it on him hanging out with an orphan; nothing good could come from such a person. Tommy was eager to agree even to the point that he came and openly accused Templeton while I was there. I promptly escorted Tommy out, though I admit I would have liked to do a whole lot more...but I am a man of God. Just before he left, he turned and said, 'By the way, Mikey was only using you because he knew you were in good with Maghill here. He never liked you' and at that point I slammed the door behind him.

"Jesus!" Hannibal exclaimed. "Oh...I'm sorry...that just slipped out."

"Now I know where Templeton gets it from," Father Maghill tried to joke. "After Tommy left it was the first time I saw Templeton cry since he was a little boy asking for his mother. His years at the orphanage had built up a wall around him, but that wall crumbled and he fell apart. This was the straw that broke the camel's back and years of pain and grief spilled out. I never felt so helpless in my whole life."

"Lately, I know that very feeling," Hannibal sympathized. "One more thing Father, how old was Face then?"

"He was 14 by then."

"I'm asking because he gave me a different story regarding the end of his drug career."

"Probably the incident where I caught him smoking when he was 16. I blame myself for this relapse."

"Yeah, that was the incident he spoke about."

"Templeton did stop after the incident with Mikey and Tommy. He was very bright, had skipped several grades and was eagerly applying to colleges when he was 15. I was sure he would get a sports scholarship and he was really happy when the first replies came. But then I was called away again to spend the summer in a different orphanage in Mexico that really needed somebody to teach all the young nuns how to properly care for the children. Templeton was devastated when I told him but then I convinced him that it was only for the summer and we would be back together before he knew it. So I went and at first I wrote, it was a remote place without a phone. But then things got so stressful, my letters to the orphanage and especially to Templeton were not as frequent anymore and sometimes I just wrote a few quick lines without including a letter to Templeton. Also the time I spent there extended and before I knew, I came back in winter and Templeton had changed. He was withdrawn and avoided being close to the others, mostly sitting by himself studying. When I found him smoking pot again I took him to my office and he broke down in sobs. He confessed that the priest that had been my replacement had taken an unnatural liking to him, if you understand what I mean. That and the fact that he thought I too had finally left him had driven him back to the drugs."

They spoke for a few more minutes before the priest had to get ready for confession. "Please tell Templeton that I am praying for him. He is very special to me."

"I will. And thank you, Father, for being so open with me."

"He thinks of you as his father, John. And I sleep a little easier at night knowing that he finally found himself a good family. God bless you all."

Hannibal had tears in his eyes as he hung up the phone. But there was little time for him to process all that he had been told before he heard somebody screaming...and that somebody was Face. He started running towards Face's bedroom along with the other house occupants that came out of their various rooms where they had been resting. Before they reached their destination Face's screams were mixed with Mama's cries for help which made BA overtake everybody else in a mad dash for the room.


	72. Chapter 72

Chapter 72:

They found Face screaming, just screams of terrible pain without any coherent words, clutching his arm to his body and turning and tossing in an effort to get away from the pain.

Mama was leaning over him, using her body to keep him from falling off the bed but had a hard time as Face was tossing beneath her and using his legs to kick out.

From just the way he held his arm Hannibal knew exactly where he was. It took himself, BA , Murdock and Mark to immobilize Face and they had a very hard time of it. Face was fighting them with all his might. However, the whole episode was over as fast as it had started and Face went limp again.

BA turned to his mother who was now sitting on the floor recovering from her shock with her arms wrapped around her body and Hannibal feared that Face's earlier concern had come true and he had hurt Mrs. B., but she assured them she was fine, just a little shell shocked.

"He was sleeping like a baby and the next second he was like this."

They all didn't really get a chance to recover from the episode before Face's eyes flew open and he started to scream again. But these screams were different…they weren't just screams of pain…they were screams of rage and anger

"I won't do it again...I won't! I won't lie to Hannibal again!"

Hannibal had no idea what Face was talking about, but he wanted everybody out of the room except for his team. "Maggie, please take Mrs. B. outside. Mark, we'll take it from here."

Face continued to fight. "Hannibal needs to know the truth…I have to tell him."

"Stand down, Lieutenant," Hannibal barked.

The intensity of his fight only increased. "No, Briggs. It's too risky!"

Hannibal decided to play a hunch. "What's the matter, Peck? Afraid of getting a boo-boo?" he mocked.

"You know damn well I'm not afraid. Take a look at me, Briggs…there isn't an inch of me that isn't bruised and battered, thanks to you. But, I don't care about that…I don't care what happens to me. But my unit…I refuse to put them in any danger!"

"So you're going to go crying to Smith, are you? And just what are you going to tell him?" Hannibal was hoping that Face would give them some clue as to what he was talking about.

"I…um…I…the truth…I guess." Face was starting to slow down. His speech was slurring and he no longer was a challenge for Murdock and B.A. who barely had to provide any pressure to keep him down.

"The truth? You wouldn't know the truth if it came and bit you in the ass.

Murdock and B.A. looked up at Hannibal in shock. Even though they knew he was in character, it was a surprise to hear him talking to Face like that.

"What did you tell Smith to explain your absences…and your injuries?"

"Didn't have to…tell…anything. Assumed…he assumed…they all assume…" His voice trailed off and his eyes shut.

Hannibal felt sick, but couldn't give up yet. "They assume what?"

"Doesn't…matter…not at fault…my fault. I shoulda…told. But…but…I…I…only wanted…to…help…the kids. Innocent…they're…innocent." Face was fading fast. "You…lied…to me. Hannibal…found me…told me…told me…"

They watched as Face once again passed out. Hannibal walked over to the window and looked out, but he didn't see what was before him. He was trying to figure out what Face meant by, 'Hannibal told me'…what exactly had he told him?

B.A. came up behind Hannibal and asked, "You all right, man?"

Hannibal wasn't, but he nodded his head and said, "yeah."

"You know what Faceman was talkin' about?"

Again he nodded and said, "yeah…I think I do." He remembered a couple of months where Face would disappear for a while only to return sporting a variety of ailments. He never questioned him until one night when he found Face laying unconscious on the floor in his quarters. "At least I know the time he's talking about but I have no idea what really happened then. As he just said our assumption was wrong."

"Fill us in Colonel?"

"Remember that time when we met Briggs and his Team? Face had not been with us for too long and we were stationed in Quang Tri. We operated from there but returned to Quang Tri after every mission, we were there for over three months."

It was a rare thing for them to be stationed at one point for so long.

"Face was constantly getting in trouble; he would be gone for several hours to days and would wind up with all kind of bruises and cuts. We all assumed he was out going to the whorehouse and picking fights. He was always back in time for the next mission though. We made it very clear to him what we thought about his attitude but let him be for the most part. He was new, not fully integrated in the team. I always lectured him that the team came first and that he can't turn into a liability. If he would get a serious injury from his bar room fights he was off the team and if the MP's should pick him up while he was AWOL he would have to get out of it on his own. Thinking of it now I should have seen there was something wrong. When he ran his scams with Murdock or alone and they went south, which happened more often than not during his early times, I constantly had to get him or the pair of you out of the slammer. But in Quang Tri he never once got into trouble with the MP's. Whatever it was he was doing for Briggs must have been official or at least Briggs had an official cover ready."

"Yeah man, I remember that time. You was so close to getting him reassigned to some other company, said he just didn't fit in with the rest of us."

"Hmmm, Murdock begged me to give him another chance. You two were pretty much joined at the hip during Nam, didn't you notice anything?"

"No, not more than you. He didn't hang out with us as much as before but then he was new and always had a number of scams running. Plus, I wasn't there as often…flew other teams in and out. I thought he was somehow missing our running scams together since I didn't get us much down time as the rest of you in those three months, or I had my down time while you were out on a mission. I thought he had gone off on his own."

"When we got orders to move out on a mission Face was gone again, or at least we thought so. He didn't come to the arranged team meeting that morning. I decided to give him one last chance and went to his quarters, I didn't really expect to find him but was going to leave a note that we are gone and I have put in his papers for re-assignment. Instead I found him out cold on the floor. His shirt was pushed up and I could see that his torso was blue and black. I was just about to call the medics when he came to. That must have been what he was talking about but I really can't make sense of it. He said that Briggs lied to him and that I found him and said something, only I can't remember what it was."

"What do you remember?"

"I asked him whether he had been attacked by somebody and he hurriedly pulled his shirt down saying he was fine. I told him I didn't think so but he struggled to his feet and was able to stand on his own, with the help of a chair that is. I told him that I hope last night was worth it and that this is his last chance. We were all ready to move in 30 minutes and he either made it to the chopper or he was off the team. Then I turned and left him there. He made it to the chopper."

"You made him go on a mission knowing he was hurt?"

"It was a simple in and out mission and I assessed him on the way to the chopper. I had been looking for him and he appeared normal, he didn't limp and carried all his things. I knew he was responsible enough to not get the rest of us in danger by going on a mission he was not up to. When we returned I pulled him aside and told him to meet me in my office in 30 minutes. I lectured him for a solid one hour straight about how irresponsible he was and how putting his health in danger over whores and bar room fights was making him a liability to his team. Told him I needed to know where my Lieutenant was at all times or he wouldn't be any good for me. I gave him an ultimatum, either he stopped disappearing and picking fights or he was off the team. He sat there taking it all in without the slightest movement. When I was done I told him to stand and take off his shirt. He didn't like the idea at all but I threatened with his re-assignment right then and it seemed he liked that idea even less. I gasped at the sight, there wasn't a single spot that was not bruised and they had all kind of colors. Some were new, others old. I told him to get to the infirmary and get me a report on his condition, if it was anything serious that would be his end on the team. He got me a report that it was all superficial and from there on it stopped, or at least I didn't notice anything again. But come to think of it now, the medic at the base was on Briggs team and we moved on not long after that incident while Briggs stayed."

"You think Briggs did something to him?"

"From the sound of it I rather think Briggs used him for something, missions or the like. Anyway, I'm going to find out when he wakes up next, provided he's in the here and now."

"Hannibal you can't do that. He doesn't know of those episodes, it might be too much to tell him his mind has decided to go wandering through time."

"Don't worry Murdock, I'll just tell him he spoke in his sleep. Happens all the time. We need to get to the bottom of this."

"Yeah man, if there's kids involved I need to know what was going on. If this Briggs did anything to kids I'm going to find him."

"I hope it's not going to worsen things."

"We'll see when he wakes up."

"Yeah, really hope he won't wake up in the camps again, I heard enough of his screams there, don't need a daily repetition. Was bad enough for him…for all of us…to live through it once."

Face blinked his eyes open a couple of hours later. "Han…bal?"

"Hey, kid…how are you?" Hannibal really wanted to ask him 'where are you', but he was bound to find that out anyway.

Face ignored the question and instead asked one of his own. "Did I…did I…hurt…anybody?"

Of all the questions he could have asked, they weren't expecting that one.

"No, Facey, we're all okay," Murdock said. "But why do you ask?"

"I…I…had some…wild dreams…about…um…some stuff." Face looked uncomfortable and diverted his eyes away from the group. "Didn't…know if…I…acted…out."

Since it appeared as if Face had some vague recollection about his episodes, or at least he thought he was dreaming them, Hannibal decided to jump on the opportunity to find out more. "You did a bit of talking in your sleep. Does the name Briggs mean anything to you?"

Face looked as if he had been kicked in the gut. 'B…Briggs? He…um…was a…colonel in Nam…right?"

"Uh-huh. You appeared to be talking to Briggs and were saying that I needed to know the truth about something."

Sweat instantly broke out on his forehead. "P…please…don't…make me…tell you."

"Hey man, whatever happened we ain't gonna be mad at'cha," B.A. said gently.

"B.A.'s right," Hannibal confirmed. "Why don't you close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and tell us what happened?"

Face looked to Murdock, who smiled, "Go ahead, muchacho. It'll do you good to let it out."

Face did as told. He closed his eyes and breathed deep for a few minutes working up the nerve to speak. Finally he started. "Briggs…saw my file…found out…I was…an orphan. Approached me…few days…after we…got to Quang Tri. Told me…kids…were in…trouble. Local….orphanage was…was being used…by Vietcong…and kids…being abused. His unit…was…was…going to…go in…and get them out…on a…series of…missions."

Face was panting from the effort of speaking so much and from the memories as they flooded back full force. Hannibal took hold of his hand and coached, "Breathe, kid. Take a few moments and just breathe."

"No…need…need…to just...tell you," he protested, but had no choice but to pause as he gasped for air. "I should have…told you…but Briggs said…top secret. Needed me…my special training. We…would go…in middle of…night. Briggs or…his man…wait outside…I go…grab as…many…kids…and run. Got…got caught…few times…lucky…able to…fight my way…out. The staff…not very…well trained…in combat. But sometimes…got banged…up. Worth…it to…help kids. But then…one day…you…told me…you told me…"

Face stopped, pulled his hand away from Hannibal and clutched his chest. "Can't…can't…breathe."

Murdock ran for the oxygen tank, while B.A. rubbed his back and Hannibal retook his hand.

"Calm down, kid. It's okay…it's okay." Hannibal was stumped; Face said it again. He said that he had told him something…but what was it?"

Murdock placed the mask on Face and they waited for it to do its work. But Face was still struggling even with the help of the oxygen. His leg was beginning to shake and they knew it was the start of a cramp. He groaned under the mask, his teeth clenched, and squeezed Hannibal's hand as tight as he could. Luckily, it was intense, but the spasm passed rather quickly and gradually his breathing slowed and he lowered the mask.

"S…sorry…hurts."

"Don't be sorry, Face. It's okay…you're doing great."

Hannibal couldn't resist asking, "What did I tell you, Face."

"You…told…me that…Trahn Lee…gone. Sold…into…slavery. I…I…knew he…was…was taken. I was…one to take him. Thought you…found out…thought…gonna call MP."

"Trahn Lee…the little boy who was always hanging around the base?" B.A. asked. "You was the one who took him?"

Face nodded miserably. "He was…an orphan. I…I…thought…he…I thought they…were being taken…somewhere safe…by Briggs. Once you…told me…what happened…to Trahn…I learned Briggs…was…was…selling the kids. He…he lied…to me about…everything. The kids safe until I…I ruined their…lives. It was us…who sold them…to Vietcong." Face swiped the tears from his eyes, trying to hold it together.

Nobody spoke and Face took that as a sign that they didn't believe him. "I didn't know…swear…didn't know. Should have…seen it…Briggs…never trusted him. But…once heard…they were orphans…being hurt…I…I…wanted…to…help."

"Shh, kid. It's okay."

"No…no…it's not. Once I…realized…I tried to…stop it. Briggs threatened me…threatened all…of you. Said he…would…see to…it that…bad things…would happen…if I told. So…so…I started throwing…missions. Let them…catch me…and beat me…so as…not to take…anymore kids."

B.A. was pacing furiously. "Ain't right, man!"

Face recoiled. "So…sorry…so sorry."

"Nah…ain't talkin' 'bout you. Ain't right you was used like that. You bein' an orphan yourself 'specially. Had to hurt, man."

"The…the night…Hannibal found me…I…had…told Briggs…that I…was…was done for…good. That I wouldn't…do…it again. He had…his man…beat me…so…so bad. We…we…moved on…shortly after. I heard…Briggs was…sent home…after being shot. Honorably discharged…made me sick. But kids…safe…so I kept quiet."

"You didn't do anything on purpose, Face. You thought you were doing good."

"Lot of good…it did…Trahn and…the others. Tried…to find where…they were taken. But…it was…too late. Vietcong split them…up…all over. Still…can see…can see…their faces." Face didn't even try to wipe away the tears now. They spilled down his cheeks and onto his pillow.

"Oh, kid…I'm sorry," Hannibal whispered as he leaned over the body and carefully lifted the torso into a hug.

That was the same position Mark found them in a few minutes later when he entered the room for another therapy session.

First he thought Face was having a seizure and rushed forward but then he realized he was sobbing and Hannibal was just comforting. He decided the therapy could wait for a bit and left the room again, pulling Murdock who happened to be closest to the door, with him.

"What's going on?"

Murdock too had tears in his eyes and told Mark just the essentials of the story.

"Let's give them some time to grieve. I think Mama could use a hand in the kitchen, and I could do with a coffee."

Murdock was torn, go back inside or go with Mark? He decided that the last thing Face needed was to see him crying. He would only feel bad thinking he caused his best friend to cry. After all they had not had time to get the other issue out in the open yet. Face still thought he had caused Murdock's mental problems. He went with Mark and joined Maggie and Mrs. B. in the kitchen.

Hannibal held Face close and cried with him. The kid had gone through so much crap and he had given him even more assuming things instead of asking. He noticed that the kid was a little too warm but chalked it up to his mental stress.

After a little while Face pulled away. "Stop…stop..holding me….don't deserve. " Looking around he asked "Where …Murdock?"

"Fool went out a little while ago, don't you worry about him. He's probably watching cartoons."

"Trahn…Murdock…I'm..bad…destroy….lives. Go….Murdock has seen…you keep…. him ….around….not fair….Go."

"Kid, calm down. We already told you that you didn't destroy anybodies life."

"No…did..Trahn…kids…Murdock…kept Murdock…from care." Face had figured the way Murdock was constantly avoiding him it was only a matter of time until he told the others, Face could as well come clean himself.

"What are you talking about kid?"

"Did, did his….psych test….would have….been sent…home then…before got….worse, kept…him…from care."

"Kid, calm down, we know you did his test and it was the best thing you could have done, he needed his friends not some VA."

But Face didn't hear anything anymore; he had worked himself up to the point where he believed being physically close to him was bad for his team. Before Hannibal could react he had rolled himself over and landed on the floor. He immediately scrambled away from them, "no, no go….have to…go…evil…screw up."

"Face, calm down, you're going to hurt yourself."

"No…go…Murdock….Trahn…bad….I'm …bad…go." He used the wall for support and slid upwards to get to his feet.

"Lieutenant, stop it. Stay where you are and don't move."

Face never heard Hannibal. His eyes were glazed over and he was someplace else again.

"Face I'm coming to get you, stay still."

As Hannibal came closer Face balled his fists.

"Hannibal stop, he's gonna bolt."

"Kid calm down, I'm coming to get you. You aren't alone." Hannibal had heard BA's warning but didn't know what else to do.

Face made a maneuver to get passed his colonel and passed out.

BA stepped forward and caught him. "He's burning hot man, better get the doctor."

Hannibal ran into the kitchen. He didn't want to alarm Murdock or Mrs. B. so he said as calmly as possible, "Mark…Maggie…can I see you in Face's room?

Maggie took one look at Hannibal's stiff stance and heard the strain in his voice. "Is everything okay, John?"

"Um…I'm not sure. Face is out again and I thought it might be a good time to check him over."

The doctor's took the hint as they followed Hannibal's eyes as he glanced at Murdock to see his reaction.

"Good idea," Mark said and both he and Maggie excused themselves.

As soon as they entered the hall and they were out of earshot Hannibal blurted out, "He went into another flashback…actually came at me. When he passed out we noticed that he's awfully hot."

"You mean he was up on his feet?" Maggie asked in amazement.

"Yup. Not for long, but he was standing and took a few steps toward me before he went down."

They entered the room to see Face's head resting on B.A.'s thigh. "I was afraid to move him," he explained.

"That was smart," Maggie said as she began taking Face's temperature.

Mark was inspecting Face's leg. "Amazingly, I don't think he did more damage…and I don't see any signs of infection. Believe it or not, we can take this episode as a good sign."

"What you talkin' about, man?" B.A. asked.

"The fact that Face was able to walk on his own…even if he was in an altered state…is highly encouraging."

"103," Maggie announced.

"If his wound isn't infected, then why does he have a fever, Mark?" Hannibal questioned.

"There are many reasons for an elevation in temperature. Face's body has been extremely taxed…as has his mental state. I'd say his body is kicking into overdrive as a way of protecting itself; it senses that trouble is coming, so it is preparing now to prevent a problem later."

B.A. shook his head. "I ain't never gonna understand all this medical junk."

"I must admit that when it comes to Face, I'm not sure I will either." Mark grinned as he pushed himself off the floor. "Let's get him back on the bed."

Face felt something cold on his forehead. It felt heavenly against the warmth of his skin. He wracked his brain trying to remember where he was, but everything was fuzzy. It felt as if he were listening to a radio with static…bits and pieces were coming in, but not enough to put it all together.

"I think he's coming around," Murdock said as he placed a fresh cold compress onto Face's sweaty forehead. He had rejoined Hannibal and B.A. once Face was put back into the bed. This time Face was on his back with his bad leg raised up with pillows to take pressure off of the thigh area.

"Mur…Mur…dock," Face moaned, too weak to open his eyes.

"I'm here, buddy. How're you feeling?"

"Hot…so hot," he rasped.

"You're running a bit of a fever, but no worries, Mark is way impressed by your fancy footwork."

Face was confused. "Fancy…footwork?" he repeated.

"Uh-huh. You, my friend, did a little sleep walking earlier…passed that test with flying colors."

'Test,' Face thought, 'There's something about a test I need to remember.'

And then it hit him. His blue eyes flew open and locked on Murdock's brown pair. "Mur…dock….my fault…sorry…so sorry. My fault…all my…fault." It was then he noticed Hannibal and B.A. sitting on the other side of him. "Oh God, now you…know truth. Took test…for Murdock. My fault…my fault…he could have…gone home…so sorry."

"Just what are you talking about, muchacho?"

"Please…don't be mad…BA, Hannibal…only wanted…to …help…so sorry….sorry…screwed up…Trahn, Murdock…messed up…sorry, so…sorry."

"Face, we're not mad at you kid, calm down. You didn't mess up."

"I…I…"

"Shh, just calm down. Everything is fine, nobody's mad at you."

"But…I…"

"Just listen now kid, we knew all along you did the test. It was the right thing to do, you hear me, you didn't screw up. You helped Murdock, he needed to stay with us. You did good kid, I'm proud of you. You hear me son? I'm proud of you."

"I…you…I didn't?"

"Just calm down and rest some more, we'll talk about everything when you wake up."

"I…didn't …screw…."

"No you didn't, you did good kid…just rest…your body needs rest."

"Murdock….I…"

"Hush buddy, I'm right here, right here. Remember I promised to never leave you? Rest, I'm here."

By now Hannibal had a chair next to Face's bed and was holding his hand while stroking his hair with the other hand.

"Not…mad?"

"Shh, nobody's mad at you, we are all here. I'm proud of you son, just rest. Close your eyes."

Face did so just to open them again a moment later "BA…?"

"I'm here Faceman, now sleep, we're all watchin' over you."

"I…"

"Close your eyes kid, you're exhausted. That's it son, good boy, you're a good boy."

Face drifted off again.

"His fever spikes along with his mental stress…he's at the end of his rope. I hope we are now at the bottom of the problem. He blames himself for your mental status."

"But I begged him to do that test. He shouldn't blame himself. And what did you mean you knew all along?"

"Long story, wait 'till Face is up and ready to hear it."


	73. Chapter 73

Chapter 73:

Face fever broke now that his fear has left his system and everybody had assured him they were not mad. The rest did him good and he slept for hours. When he woke up all three men were sitting around his bed and he smiled up at them.

"Hey there, had a good rest?"

"Feel better."

"Your fever broke, how's the head? All clear up there or still dizzy?"

"All clear. You really not mad at me?"

"No kid, nobody's mad at you."

"Murdock?"

"How could I be mad if you did the best thing you could have done for me? Come on colonel, he's lucid and awake, let's hear how you knew we tricked the shrink."

"You never tricked him."

"What? But he declared me fit for duty."

"That he did."

"Come on colonel, tell us already."

"Kid, do you think you are up to hearing a story. Maybe you should rest more" Hannibal grinned at Murdock while talking to Face and BA snickered.

"Ah, not fair colonel. BA knew, you knew…and we are left in the dark."

"Spill it colonel, I'm rested enough."

"Patience kids, patience. I need a cigar first and the doctors would kill me if I smoke in here."

"Hannibal!" came the reply from Face and Murdock.

"Okay, okay. You win. Sometimes the two of you are so impatient."

"Will you spill it already colonel?" Murdock was getting frustrated while Face was still too weak to put up much of an argument and rather listened to the banter, it felt so good.

"Well, we all know that our Face here is a good conman, but then he tried to con a shrink and that's not easy."

"I do that all the time."

"Murdock, if you keep interrupting me I'll never get to the end of the story." That brought on another snicker from BA and an eye roll from Murdock.

"As I said, he wasn't easy to con. He had access to all of Murdock's previous files and even you are not able to make a competent Murdock to somebody who pays attention. But what broke your neck was his hobby. He came to see me after the test and I'll never forget that conversation.

_'Colonel Smith? I'm Captain Wales. Can I have a word with you about Captain Murdock?'_

_'Sure, have a seat Captain.'_

_'I know Captain Murdock is not directly assigned to your unit but he is very close and flies you almost exclusively. '_

_'That's right.'_

_'I believe, or rather I hope, he sent some friend to do his psych test earlier , blue eyed, about your height?'_

_'Why do you hope it wasn't Murdock?'_

_'Because would have to declare him unfit, not because of his psych but because the guy has no idea about aerodynamics. I'm a hobby pilot and when I suspected I was conned I involved him in a little chat about aerodynamics. He talked utter crap, although I must admit it came out with the greatest confidence.'_

_'I believe you talked to my lieutenant.'_

_'Thought so. I saw the Captain's files and that he had a hard time passing his tests before the camps. Also that he's one of the best pilots ever. How do you evaluate him?'_

_'He's the best pilot I ever flew with. The camps did a number on him but he has recovered to the extent that I would fly with him every time. I trust him with my life. It sure wouldn't do him any good to be sent home. He needs his friends, especially the lieutenant. It would destroy both men, they need each other.'_

_'I want to give him another chance but I can't call another official meeting without handing your lieutenant to the MP's. I'm in a bit of a dilemma her.'_

_'How about we meet for lunch? If you don't mind that I'm around.'_

_'I don't mind, say 12 tomorrow at the Than Duc bar right next to the hospital?'_

_'Sounds good to me. They don't need to know, do they?'_

_'Who?'_

_'Captain Murdock and Lieutenant Peck.'_

_'No, no I think that's not necessary. At this point anyway, it all depends on the captain.'_

Hannibal left out the part where the doc had told him to keep an eye on Face, that he's fit for duty but that he has seen problematic tendencies in him.

"You mean I passed that test myself? I can hardly believe it."

"You remember that lunch with my old friend Lieutenant Sales?"

"The one your friend canceled three times?"

"Yep, that one. You said how you found it odd he turned up in fatigues while all others were in uniform."

"Right."

"Well, his uniform said Captain Wales and we thought Face might have mentioned that name to you so we made him Lieutenant Sales instead. That meant he had to wear something without names on it. And I had to cancel the appointment three times because you kept inviting Face and we couldn't have that. I had to wait until Face had a fitness evaluation to get you alone."

"So he assessed me over lunch?"

"Yep."

"Amazing."

"Face, why are you so quiet?"

"I thought I was so convincing, I just used all those big words I had heard from Murdock and put them in sentences. I would have believed myself. I tell you I was convinced I could fly at that time."

Three men broke out in laughter looking at Face pouting on the bed. However, Hannibal sobered fast.

"Kid, I'm just so sorry you carried this with you all those years, I thought you knew you did the right thing and helped Murdock."

"At first I did but then when we were at Fort Bragg and I heard he had snapped and when I first saw him in the hospital and he didn't even recognize me, I thought I did that, he wouldn't be there without me."

"You're right Face. I wouldn't have been there without you." All eyes fixed on Murdock and BA was ready to tear into him when he continued in a soft voice. "I would never have survived if I had been sent away right after the camps. I was too messed up in my brain. Without you I would never have made it. Sure I did snap when I heard you were captured but it would have broken me for good had I been sent away earlier on…and you too buddy, you too."

"You know, BA and I decided to let you believe you tricked the doc and that is why Murdock was still around. You two needed each other. As much as Murdock needed our help it did you good to know you did something great for him. And your own ego could also do with the blast of a scam coming together. I should have told you later but it never came to my mind again until you mentioned it now. Sorry kid."

"It's…it's alright."

"No, it's not, all this talking is keeping you from eating; this should have been discussed over a Murdock special. I can hear your stomach rumble buddy, you didn't eat in over two days." Murdock was out of the room in a flash.

"Kid?"

"I'm okay, colonel, will be. I feel so much better now."

"I'm glad to hear that. Hungry?"

"Like a wolf."

"Let's get some pillows behind your back to raise you up for eating. Murdock will be back soon."

They didn't have to wait for long. Murdock came in carrying a plate of an unidentifiable mass followed closely by Mrs. B. who was in the middle of an argument with the pilot.

"…you want him to get sick again? That ain't food for the sick…that ain't food at all."

"It contains everything he needs."

"What did you throw together this time fool?"

Murdock put the plate in Face's lap before Mrs.B. could snatch it from him and Hannibal reached for the bucket. All motion died when they took a look at Face. He was sitting there with an expression that looked like a kid at Christmas.

"Murdock, you made Sister Maria's pancakes." Face eagerly started to eat, oblivious to the looks on the faces of the others. "Hmm, it has sausages….and pickles, Murdock you're the best."

"Face, are you conning us or are you really considering eating this?" Hannibal just couldn't believe what he saw.

Face swallowed down a mouth full before answering "Colonel, try it, this is one of the best foods I've ever eaten. Granted, Sister Maria didn't serve syrup with it but at least Murdock did not pour it over it already. Would have spoiled everything. What is inside Murdock?" He continued eating without looking up.

Murdock wore a smug smile while Mrs. B. looked disgusted, BA had his mouth hanging open in disbelief and Hannibal was undecided whether he should call in Maggie to check Face over…maybe the kid had hit his head earlier on.

"It has pancake dough without sugar, because it's made for you and I know you don't like sugar in the dough, pieces of paprika, sausage, pickles, cheese, corn and carrot and spices. Since you are not well I left out the onions, salami and the chocolate chips. Although personally, I don't know how you can eat it without at least the syrup on top. Big guy, pick your jaw from the floor before somebody trips over it."

"Mmhh, tastes good. Last time I eat this I was about 10."

'Definitely concussed, or hypnotized, or poisoned, or all three of them.' Hannibal was mesmerized.

Mrs. B. found her voice first. "You mean they were feeding you kids with such waste at the orphanage, you poor babies."

Face spoke around a mouth full of pancake, "Unfortunately, only on special days and only during the one year Sister Maria was there."

"My God, I wonder what you got on ordinary days."

"Yeah, no wonder you've been eatin' some of the things the fool conjures together."

Face made to answer but Murdock silenced him. "You eat before it gets cold. You can tell those folks around here what they've been missing when you're all stuffed up."

Face continued to dig in with an appetite that was rarely seen with Face, especially when he was ill. After a bit more than half a plate was gone he announced that he was full and couldn't take another bite.

"What? What are you all looking like that?"

"Who is Sister Maria, muchacho?"

"She was one of the sisters at the orphanage, a very kind woman from Mexico. We all loved her; she brought this recipe from her hometown. Whenever there was an occasion she would go to the market with some of the elder kids and they would buy whatever meat and vegetables was cheapest that day, cut it into pieces and mix into the pancake dough she had ready. Then she started frying, four pans at a time, one made for four kids. We were over a hundred kids plus the nuns; you can imagine that lunch took hours those days, especially since most of us would come back for round two. She always found enough volunteers to help…it was almost like everybody was involved. We were constantly on her to make her pancakes."

"So you actually liked it?" BA was still wearing a mask of disbelief; it made him look funny to those who were used to his scowl.

"It's very nice BA, try some. And it tastes different every time because the mixture is never the same."

"You can have it anytime, muchacho, just tell ol' Murdock here."

"Thanks Murdock."

Face's look changed to a more sad expression that alerted Hannibal. "What happened?"

"One day she told us she was going to Mexico. We shouldn't be sad; she was only going to see her family and would be back in a month, only she never came back. She was killed in a road accident. We tried to get the other nuns to prepare her food but they wouldn't have it…it took too long, made a mess and so on. They didn't like frying things because it took longer, preferred to make soup or mush or whatever in those big kettles that would feed all of us rather than four per frying pan. It just wasn't the same."

"Sorry kid."

"It was a long time ago."

"That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. She must have been one nice lady to still be remembered kindly by those who knew her all those years back. And I'm sorry to have talked bad about her recipe."

"That she was mama; that she was."

BA came forward to try a little piece of the food, "not too bad. Can be eaten."

"It was so much fun to make it and even to clean up afterwards when she was involved. And the good thing was your belly would be full for days. No need to be good for the rest of the day, it wasn't any trouble to be excluded from supper on those days. I think that's the actual reason why the other nuns didn't like that food."

Mark came in followed by Maggie. "Time for more PT Face, your sleep walk this morning was good but not enough and it's already afternoon."

"Now? I don't think I can move my little finger, let alone my leg."

"Why? Do you hurt that bad or are you feeling that weak?"

"No, I feel stuffed like a turkey at Thanksgiving." Face's smile lit up the room and it was impossible for the others not to smile back. Even B.A. was grinning from ear to ear.

That smile disappeared moments later as B.A. and Murdock helped Face into a sitting position. The room started to spin and his torso swayed in their arms. "Whoa," he moaned.

"We gotcha, Faceman," B.A. said.

"Give yourself a minute to adjust," Mark instructed. "The fever took a lot out of you. You let us know when you are ready."

"I'm…okay," he said. "Just don't let go."

"No worries, buddy," Murdock said. "We won't let you fall."

And they didn't let him fall…or at least they were there to catch him when he started going down.

Mark decided to be aggressive and stand Face up right away. He had done it earlier so they knew his leg was capable of bearing the weight. But this time Face was fully conscious of what he was doing…and aware of the pain. Determined not to quit, he stood and even took a couple of steps toward Hannibal before his knees buckled and stars danced in front of his eyes.

B.A. scooped him up and carried him back to the bed while the others clapped for him as if he had just ran a marathon.

"Easy crowd…to…please," Face joked through clenched teeth.

"How'd that feel, Face?" Hannibal asked.

"Awful," Face admitted truthfully. "But I can't wait to do it again."

And Face did it again and again over the course of the next two weeks and before he knew it he was standing up on his own and walking into Mrs. B's outstretched arms. She was on her way back to Chicago later that day.

"I'm gonna miss you, Templeton," she smiled through moist eyes.

Face could barely talk; he was so overcome with emotion. He just squeezed her tight and squeaked out, "Me too."

And they would all miss her; she had become a mother to them all. As they watched from the porch her driving away in the van with B.A., a great sense of emptiness filled their hearts.

Face continued with his therapy and steadily was improving by leaps and bounds. One night Hannibal found him standing in front of the mirror looking lost.

"You okay, kid?"

"I need to see," he said to his reflection instead of his colonel.

"Need to see what?"

"My leg…the scar…want to see it."

Hannibal knew this day would come, but he dreaded it. While the "L" shape was gone, replacing it was a raised, jagged and purple scar that covered a fairly large portion of his posterior upper thigh.

"Are you sure?"

Face nodded. "Need to."

Hannibal went over to the dresser and retrieved a small hand mirror so that Face could use it to see his backside.

Face studied the sight in the glass and began to tremble. Tears came to his eyes and he let the mirror fall to the floor.

Hannibal grabbed Face by the shoulder and led him over to the bed. "Take it easy, Face," he soothed. "I know that had to be hard to see, but it will fade over time."

"No…it's not that. It's…it's…the 'L'…it's gone." Face's voice cracked, "It's really gone."

Hannibal sat next to Face and put one arm around his shoulder. "It's really gone," he confirmed.

"I don't care if it never looks right again. I can walk again and I don't belong to him anymore."

Face didn't have to say who "he" was, but the mere thought made chills run down Hannibal's spine.

Those chills turned into icicles when the following day Maggie cornered Hannibal, a look of utter panic on her face. "The sheriff just called, John. Matthews…he escaped…and a man meeting Lynch's description helped him do it."

"How's that possible?"

"As far as Hank knows he showed up in full military dress and a military car, claiming Matthews was a key witness in a military trail and he was there to escort him. Had papers and all."

"The pair will be looking for us."

"You think so? Maybe he just helped Matthews escape to settle an old debt."

"No, Mathews doesn't mean anything to him, he would have left him rotting in prison. He sure wouldn't throw his military career away over him. There are cameras all around the prison and he used official forms. He's so obsessed with hurting Face that he throws away his life."

"But why now, after all those years? And why take along Matthews?"

"I'm not so sure it started just now, we have to talk to Face about that. And as for Matthews, I guess he took him along because he can't involve new men into his plans without risking getting caught before making his moves and he knows he can't do it alone. Maybe he'll even get that third guy, the one who survived the shelling along with him and Matthews…I think Miller was the name Face mentioned."

After gathering the team and Maggie in Face's room, Mark had left over a week ago, Hannibal confronted the others with the news and his suspicions.

"Face, has he ever tried to get to you after Fort Bragg?"

"He….uhm….never got me."

"That wasn't my question."

"He….well…he sometimes found out where I was living but I was careful, always got a place with two exits, he's not exactly quiet when breaking in a room. He never even came close."

"So he has been trying all along and you never said anything?" Murdock couldn't believe his ears. How bad must it have been for Face to constantly live in this fear…or was it just normal for him?

"There….there was one more thing." Face was looking down at his lap.

"Out with it already kid, what happened?"

"When he captured us and we got the chance to go on that mission in South America, do you remember?"

"As if I was ever going to forget, if Murdock and Amy had not appeared in the right moment you would be dead by now."

"Yeah, that one. Lynch was really pissed that he had to let us go. When we were at the stockade there was a moment when he was alone with me. He came real close and hissed in my ear about how he would get us but only you and BA would end up in prison. Said he would make it look as if I escaped, he had his own prison ready for me…in the basement of his house."

"That sick bastard."

"Hannibal, we gotta stop him."

"I know BA, I know. I'm working on a plan. We have to draw him to us, we can't let him chase us and take the risk of being caught off guard, too much at stake there. Face, are you ready to play bait in this?"

"I would rather not, but if there's no other way…."

"I can't think of anything else. I want us to get away from here; we are too close to Bad Rock. I don't know how fast Lynch will be removed from our case; that is if he's not on the run already. Either way it's Lynch coming after us or nobody. It 's gonna take them some time to replace Lynch what with all the army formalities. Once we are settled at a distance we make sure we are spotted and Lynch knows where we are. Then we only have to wait for him to come and capture him, Matthews and hopefully that Miller guy too. Piece…"

"Don't you dare say it Hannibal." was out of three mouths before he had a chance to complete the sentence.

"Maggie, I want you and Mark out of the picture, go for a vacation. He knows of our connection and might use you to get to us."

"But you could use a doctor if anything goes wrong."

"Well, you don't need to be far, only some place he can't find you."

Later Maggie and Hannibal were standing outside, waiting for BA to get the van ready to load.

"You think Face is stable enough, mentally I mean?"

"I'm not sure Mags, but I know he isn't stable enough to have that constant threat in his back. This man needs to be out of the way as fast as possible."

They packed up their gear and planned to leave the following morning.


	74. Chapter 74

Chapter 74:

The plan was simple. They would drive east and hole up inside of an old abandoned warehouse they had passed on their way to the cabin. Maggie would stop at a pay phone on her way back to Bad Rock and make an anonymous call to the military that she had spotted the A-team and in which direction they were headed. It would be impossible for Lynch not to see the large building from the road and with their van parked out in front, there was no way he could miss them.

Face lay in bed unable to sleep. He had tried to appear calm and confident in front of the guys, but the truth was he was scared. The team was good at what they did, but Lynch was psychotic and unpredictable and that's what worried him the most.

Images from the past kept popping into his head and with them the anxiety kept building until he couldn't take it anymore. He threw the covers off and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Leaning forward, he held his head in his hands.

'Pull it together, Peck,' he thought. But he could talk to himself all night and it wouldn't change the fact that he was about to come face to face with his greatest fear.

Face couldn't stay in that room alone with his thoughts any longer; he needed some air. Holding onto the wall for support, he limped down the hallway and didn't stop until he was out the front door. He was breathing hard by the time he eased himself into a sitting position on the top step. While he was healing well, walking was still painful and his stamina wasn't near what it used to be.

He looked up at the stars and marveled at how everything around him seemed so peaceful but on the inside he felt like a chaotic mess of nerves.

Hannibal gazed out his open window looking up at the same stars Face was perusing. He had been running through tomorrow's plans in his head repeatedly trying to work out any kinks. But he knew that there was no way to really plan for all the different scenarios they might encounter. He was about to shut the window when he noticed Face hobbling out onto the porch.

Hannibal watched Face for a few minutes contemplating whether or not he should check up on the younger man. His decision was made for him when Face's shoulders slumped and he could see his torso shaking.

Face heard the door close behind him and he immediately straightened up and wiped the tears away with the back of his arm.

"Hey, kid." Hannibal said standing behind him.

"Hey. Trouble sleeping?" Face asked trying to sound casual, but failing miserable.

Hannibal heard the way Face's voice shook, but didn't want to call him on it yet. "I actually haven't tried yet. Mind if I have a seat?" He didn't wait for an answer before dropping down next to Face. He looked at his lieutenant out of the corner of his eye and saw him gripping the top step tightly with his hands until the whites of his knuckles showed.

Face held onto the step for dear life. It was the only thing keeping his body from trembling. He wanted to be strong for Hannibal…to prove that he was still a man and not the weak coward he felt like of late.

Hannibal put one of his hands on top of Face's and said, "You know, kid, it's okay to be scared. I sure am."

Face felt Hannibal's warm hand on top of his and he felt his reserve waning. But it was his words that made him start to crumble. Face bit down on the inside of his lower lip and willed himself not to cry. 'Not in front of Hannibal…not again,' he thought. His nostrils flared as he breathed in and out of his nose furiously demanding himself to hold it together until the colonel went back inside.

"Don't do this to yourself, Face. Let it out."

Face tried to pull away, but Hannibal held on tight. "Let…let…me go. Please leave me…alone." he pleaded.

"Sorry, kid. I'm never going to do that to you ever again." Instead of removing his hand he put his arm around Face's shoulder pulling him close. "You are not alone kid, never again."

Face stiffened at first but soon turned to bury his head in Hannibal's shoulder so he would not see the tears that were flowing now. "I'm so scared." he whispered.

"It's okay to be scared Face, just let it out."

Face continued crying into Hannibal's shoulder, soaking his T-Shirt. "He…he did…did those horrible things, he's unpredictable. I'm so scared to really end up in his prison. Have always been, but now that I know he's out there with the sole purpose to get me and I'm actually going to see him, it's so much worse."

"We won't let that happen kid."

As soon as the crying stopped and Face seemed to have gained some control Hannibal took him by the shoulders and pushed him back just far enough to look into his eyes. "Face, you know you don't have to do this. We can get him on our own and you can go hole up with Maggie and Mark."

"No, I can do this, I need too. Can't leave you alone with this lunatic, I know him best of all of us, unfortunately. And we need to get him threatening me on tape if we really want him to get locked away for good. I can't exactly go to a courtroom as witness."

"Yeah, let's hope my plan works without failure, or at least get's us to the results we want. I hope he, or preferably all three of them fall for it."

The plan was rather simple. Face was to linger close to the open door of the warehouse seemingly alone. This was as much to draw Lynch's attention on him as it was to get to the van with a few steps in case the MP's showed up instead of Lynch. Murdock would be on the roof to look out for Lynch and any reinforcements while Hannibal and BA would be hidden in the back of the warehouse with their guns trained at the door to cover Face. Hopefully Lynch would make some comment they could use against him right away so they would not need to leave him close to Face for too long.

The next morning came and the Team and Maggie parted, leaving for their destinations. Maggie went just to the next town and spent the next two hours sightseeing before she continued. That was the head start the team needed to get to the place before she made her anonymous call to the army.

The team got everything into position and settled in to wait. Evening came and, to their surprise, they had not seen anything of Lynch. Another day passed without incident. On the third day, just when Hannibal thought this was not working, Murdock announced movement over the radio.

"They're headed this way…" There was some static on the radio and then the radio went dead.

"Murdock…come in, fool!" B.A. ordered from his position behind a large crate.

"I'm sorry, Captain Murdock can't come to the phone right now. I'm afraid he's a little tied up at the moment." Hannibal and B.A. heard the gravelly voice and recognized it instantly…it was Lynch.

"Face! Get away from the door!" Hannibal exclaimed.

Face did as he was told and quickly limped toward the back of the warehouse. He was halfway there when he was able to understand what Hannibal was saying into the radio.

"If you touch one hair on his head, I'll…"

"You'll what, Smith?"

But that voice wasn't coming from the walkie-talkie…it was coming from outside the door. Face spun quickly on his heels, so fast that the movement made him dizzy and he had to grab onto a box to keep himself from falling. Once he righted himself he looked up and Lynch stepped into the center of the doorframe; in one arm he was holding Murdock and with the other he had a knife.

"Before you think of trying anything stupid, stand and drop your weapons or crazy man here gets a shave. Matthews and Miller will be along in a second to collect them. They just had to make some adjustments to that van of yours."

B.A. jumped up. "Better not touch my van, man!"

"B.A….man with a knife to my throat here," Murdock hissed.

"Don't touch the fool either!"

"Thanks," Murdock croaked.

Lynch moved the knife so it was resting against Murdock's neck. "You heard me…drop your weapons." Both Hannibal and B.A. tossed away their guns and put their hands up in the air. "Ah…now we can get down to business." His attention shifted to Face. "Peck…we meet again. You and I have some unfinished business to attend to."

Face stood frozen in the middle of the floor. His legs felt weak and his heart pounded ferociously. Every fiber of his being was screaming "run", but with Lynch holding his best friend hostage that was not an option. 'I may not have been able to help Murdock in Nam, but I sure as hell am not going to let him down again,' he thought.

"Let…let…him go," Face stuttered out.

"Gladly. We'll make an ever exchange…you for him."

"No way…don't do it," Murdock said.

"Deal," Face answered, then stumbled forward as if he was about to fall to the ground. It was really just a ploy to reach his hand inside his jacket and activate the recording device B.A. had inserted into the lining.

Hannibal took a step toward his lieutenant, but stopped as Face straightened back up. "No deal, Lynch. You can take me…but you aren't going to hurt my men anymore."

Lynch laughed. "I don't see that as being your decision at the moment." Matthews and Miller sauntered into the building and stood next to Lynch, heavily armed and looking angry. Lynch pointed to Miller and said, "You remember Miller…and I know you are very well acquainted with Matthews. They will keep the three of you occupied while Peck and I have a little fun before I take you all in. Okay, Lieutenant, walk over to me real slow like."

Face inched his way forward until he was standing eye to eye with Murdock.

"Face…no," Murdock pleaded.

Face smile slightly. "It's okay, Murdock…trust me…it will be okay."

They locked eyes and there was something about Face's stare that made Murdock think that Face had something up his sleeve.

Lynch pushed Murdock away and toward Hannibal and B.A. where the other two goons began to tie them up. "Okay, Peck…let's take this outside, shall we."

Face winced as he pressed the tip of the blade into Face's back. He knew two things for certain: he was going to do everything in his power to save his friends and if Lynch tried to put his hands on him he was going to tear him to pieces before he had a chance to ever hurt him in that way again.

Lynch led him outside while Matthews and Miller tied up Murdock BA and Hannibal.

When they were behind the warehouse and away from where they could be spotted from the street Lynch shoved Face hard. He stumbled for two steps before Lynch shoved again and he fell to the ground. Lynch fell with him and pinned him to the floor holding his wrists behind his back with one hand while tugging at Face's pants with the other.

Face was stunned for a moment, fear gripping him, but then he thought of his Team and that he didn't need to endure Lynch's abuse anymore. Face kicked and fought with all his might and Lynch had to let up for now and concentrate on gaining control again.

Lynch had seen Face limping and could feel that he wasn't as strong as he should be, in Nam Face used to be the better fighter but then Lynch always had his men to hold him down and he had the threat for his team to hold over him. He didn't know where exactly he was hurt but Matthews had told him about abdominal surgery and Peck was limping so he concentrated on blows to his midsection and kicks to the legs.

It didn't take long before Face was curled up like a ball, gritting his teeth in agony and with nothing left to fight. Lynch crouched down behind him and sneered "Ahh, Peck, always troublesome my pretty boy. See, you are only making this harder. I was going to take only you and hand the other three over to get the money but now I'll take all of you to my secret place. I'll have them watch you, how you slowly break and turn into my willing slave."

"Never…gonna…happen." Face ground out.

"We will see…it's anyway more fun to fuck you while you struggle and need to be held down."Lynch patted Face on the backside and he couldn't help but shudder. "Let's go, we have kind of a long drive ahead." With that he secured Face's wrists in handcuffs and took out his radio.

"Matthews, take them to my place, plan has changed. Take them to the visitor's room."

"Don't you dare touch them you filthy bastard."

"Tststs, what would your priest say to such words pretty boy. Don't worry, they aren't my type, they're only going to enjoy the show."

Lynch all but dragged him over to his car and locked him in the trunk.

Face was lying on his bad side and the bumpy ride took a lot out of him. When they arrived Lynch pulled him out of the trunk. They were at what appeared to be a little cabin, deep in the woods. From the inside however it wasn't that small, it had a two story basement. The first floor was a complete apartment with guest rooms. Lynch pushed Face to another staircase that led to the downstairs. Face shuddered at the sight. It was a brightly lit corridor with a big prison cell to one side and two doors to the other. One of them was a rather light door and one a heavy steel door with extra bolts on the outside.

"What is it Peck, why don't you move on? Oh, how impolite of me, let me give you a tour. The cell there is all yours, for the rest of your life, and the first door here…"

Lynch opened and Face saw a small room with a big window, through the window he could see a large interrogation room complete with all kind of rings and shackles and a table in the middle.

"This is the visitor room. Your team will be here and eventually, when they rot away in the stockade, I'll have paying guests there. I guess I don't need to explain the other room to you. You won't ever know if there's somebody here or who it is. The other room is soundproof and this is a one sided mirror. You can see I did a lot of work for you, I hope you appreciate it. Let's go there and get you comfortable, shall we?"

Face had been frozen upon seeing what was in store for him but now he came back to life, he fought with all he was worth as Lynch dragged him in the other room. In his condition and with his hands cuffed behind his back he didn't have a chance. Lynch had by now found out his sore spot and kept hitting the fresh scar through his pants. Coupled with swift blows to the abdomen Face was soon lying on the floor again, this time clutching his leg.

"Ahh, how sweet. My little mark is still troubling you after all these years. You had a constant reminder of me, did you? I would love nothing more than to have a look at it right now and see that you still belong to me but unfortunately I have some business to attend to. I'll get to it, don't you worry."

While he spoke he hoisted Face's upper body up on the table and fixed his legs to shackles hanging from the legs of the table. Then he pulled a chain through the handcuffs and pulled his arms up and to the front without releasing them in between. He fixed the chain to a wall when he had Face in a position where any more pulling would have snapped his shoulders out of his joints. Face was effectively trapped, bent over the table in a very painful position.

"I'll be back soon...make yourself at home."

"Yeah, real comfy here. Though I could do with a pillow." Face had regained some control and was determined not to show how terrified he was. Lynch didn't mind him and left the room. Face tried to relax his arms but it wasn't really possible. He had his lock picks sawn in the cuff off his shirt but it wouldn't do him any good if he couldn't relax his arm enough to bend his hand and reach it. He would not get out of the steel door anyway but maybe he could break the window.

In the mean time the team was being led to their own van. Matthews and Miller had installed an iron sheet to separate the back from the front and also to cuff the men to the pre-installed rings.

"I should have known it would never take him three days to find us. He probably staked us out and sneaked up on us. Damn. BA, can you get out of your bonds?"

"I'm working on it man, but they're real strong."

B.A. kept trying to free himself the entire time they drove to the cabin. His wrists were rubbed raw and bloody, but he wasn't ready to give in. All too soon, the vehicle came to a stop and the door slid open.

"Out," Matthews commanded. "Hurry it up…you won't want to miss the show."

Miller took the front and Matthews the rear as they led the group down into the basement and into the visitor's room. Upon entering the first thing they saw through the window was Face on the table; the second was Lynch in the corner waiting for them.

"Secure them to the wall," Lynch ordered. "There is no way you will be able to escape these chains."

"What did you do to him?" Hannibal demanded. The thought crossed his mind to make a run at Lynch, but he would never get far with the other two armed men. And getting killed or injured wouldn't do Face or the rest of his men any good.

"Nothing yet," Lynch leered. "Patience, Smith, patience. I've waited a long time for this moment…I'm not going to waste it. I want to savor the experience. I'm going to enjoy torturing Peck slowly…and making you watch."

"I'm gonna kill you, sucker," B.A. yelled thrusting his body forward, but he was held back against the wall by his shackles.

"You really need to try some original material, Baracus." He stood and walked to the door. "Miller…Matthews…I want you outside guarding the perimeter. These guys aren't going anywhere."

Matthews looked annoyed, "But you promised we could have some fun…"

"Yes…there will be plenty of time for you to play with Peck…later. For now, however, I want to be sure we are all clear. Now, let's go."

Once they left, Lynch turned back and said, "Let the games begin," before shutting the door behind him.


	75. Chapter 75

Chapter 75:

Face was formulating a plan in his head. First, however what he had to do was get to his lock picks. He knew what he had to do in order to reach them…and it wasn't going to be pretty. Before he had a chance to do anything, however, the door opened and back in came Lynch.

"For our first game, we are going to play doctor. I noticed that you were having some trouble walking. I better examine you."

"Don't come near me you freak," Face spat.

"Stick and stones may break my bones…but now I'm going to hurt you." Lynch slowly pulled Face's pants off and moved to the side of the table. "Let me see…what's this? What have you done to it?" he asked in shock.

"I had it removed. I didn't belong to you then…and I don't belong to you now!" Face shivered as Lynch ran his fingers up and down his injured thigh.

"This doesn't look as if it is healing well at all. I'm going to have to go in and fix the damage." He pulled a large knife and a lighter out of his pocket. "First I sterilize the blade to prevent infection," he announced as he held the flame up against the metal. Once he was satisfied he threw the lighter down and made a step toward Face. "I'm afraid this is going to hurt."

Face focused his eyes at the wall. He knew fighting wouldn't do him any good as he was strapped down too tightly. He wasn't going to scream…no matter how badly it hurt…he wouldn't give Lynch the satisfaction.

Lynch place the fiery blade to Face's skin and laughed as his prisoner gasped in pain. "Seems as if I need to make my mark larger this time in order to undo what you have done."

Face's head tossed back and forth as the blade sliced deeply into his skin. He grunted loudly and groaned, but he didn't scream. The pain seemed to go on for an eternity as Lynch went as slowly as possible. By the time he was done, Face was on the brink of passing out.

"Still as stubborn as ever, aren't you Peck?" he tossed the knife onto the ground with a smug smile. "Don't worry…I'll get you to scream…and scream like you never did before. I have some business to attend to…I'll be back later to continue where we left off."

Face's leg was on fire. He glanced at it and what he saw made him nauseous. It was barely bleeding as the heat from the knife cauterized the tissues as cut. But the "L" was back. His head fell to one side, but the last thing he noticed before passing out was the knife on the ground. A small smile formed on his lips…there was still hope.

Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. watched the scene play out before them in horror. All that Face had gone through to remove the scar…and it was back. All that pain for nothing and there was only going to be more to come if they didn't think of something fast.

"What we gonna do, Hannibal?" B.A. asked. "Faceman ain't gonna be able to take much more and Murdock don't exactly look like he with us at all.

Hannibal tore his eyes away from Face's unconscious form just long enough to see Murdock staring straight ahead as if in a trance. "I don't know, B.A. I can only think of one thing to do right now."

"What's that?"

"Pray."

When Face awoke next he was in agony. Along with his leg, his stomach was throbbing fiercely. But he couldn't waste any time wallowing in pity, he had to move while Lynch wasn't present.

'You can do this, Peck. It's not like you haven't done it before.' But the last time, he hadn't done it to himself and he wondered if it would work.

Face took as deep a breath as he could and pushed against his arm restraints with all of his might. There was a loud pop and a searing pain as his right shoulder came out of its socket. He felt as if he was going to be sick. He closed his eyes and breathed in and out of his nose trying to bring the pain down enough to keep going.

Dislocating his shoulder allowed him to maneuver his left hand enough to reach in and retrieve his picks. 'Sloppy, Lynch, very sloppy,' he thought. Once he had his tools it only took a couple of minutes for him to undo the locks, even left handed. The problem was going to be making his way over to the window in his current condition.

'Hannibal, look!" B.A. said in awe, watching as Face sat up on the table rubbing his wrist to return circulation. His one right arm was hanging at an odd angle.

"I'll be a son of a…" Hannibal smiled. "C'mon kid…you can do it!"

Face basically fell off the table and onto the floor where he undid the shackles around his legs and immediately went for the knife. At that very moment he heard the sound of the door unlocking. It flew open and Lynch ran towards him.

"Stop!" Face screamed, holding the knife out in front of him with his good arm.

"Very impressive, Peck. I underestimated you."

"Stay back, Lynch."

Lynch laughed. "You wouldn't dare! I thought your team had some silly pact about never killing again."

Face was breathing hard. "We did. But that was then…this is now." Face had no intention of killing the man, but he didn't need to know that. Lynch started advancing again. "I'm warning you…stay back." Lynch lunged forward and Face rolled to the side and scurried backwards.

Lynch got off the floor and came at him again. This time Face couldn't move, he had his back against the wall, literally. He did the only thing he could do and that was kick his legs out in front of him. His foot connected with Lynch's shin and he came down hard on top of Face…and directly onto the blade of the knife.

Lynch's eyes opened wide in shock and then he rose to his feet and staggered backwards, the knife sticking out of his chest. He stood for a moment before falling to his knees. "See…you in…hell…Peck," he gasped before collapsing to the ground.

Face couldn't move; he felt paralyzed. Lynch was dead…and he had killed him. It was all too much for him to process. But survival instincts kicked in and he knew he had to move now and find the guys before Matthews or Miller returned.

He slid himself next to the body and fished the key ring out of his pocket. There was no way he could walk, so he crawled out the door and over to the visitor room. Reaching up he unlocked the door and pushed it open…hard to do with only one functioning arm.

Hannibal and B.A. were stunned by what had just occurred before their very eyes. Murdock would have been too, if he was able to see what was going on around him. When the door opened and Face came crawling inside, it was obvious that the lieutenant was moving on auto pilot. He made his way over to B.A. and slid himself up the wall until he was standing so he could undo the cuffs. Once B.A.'s hands were free he handed the keys to the sergeant and slid back down the wall. B.A. made quick work of freeing his legs and then got to work on Hannibal and Murdock.

Hannibal ran over to Face. "Hey, kid, you okay?" He knew that the younger man was far from it.

"I…I…killed…him…broke pact," Face said, looking straight ahead. And then he started to shake.

"It's not your fault. We need to get out of here…I'm going to help you, okay?"

Hannibal supported Face while B.A. took control of Murdock who was starting to come back around. Together the team went up the stairs keeping a careful watch for Matthews and Miller.

"Hannibal…take a look," B.A. said pointing to a rifle case on the wall.

"Jackpot!" Hannibal smiled.

Hannibal and B.A. armed themselves and then they made a mad dash for Lynch's vehicle knowing that B.A.'s van was probably disabled by this point. They were just about there when Matthews yelled out from behind a tree, "Hey! Stop!"

Hannibal quickly picked him off by aiming his rifle and shooting him in the shoulder. Another shot rang out and Face went down in his arms. "Face!" he cried. They took cover behind the car and Hannibal and B.A. returned fire. B.A. got Miller in the leg and he came rolling down the hill.

"B.A., take Murdock and tie those two up. We'll call for help when we get out of here," Hannibal said.

"How's Face?" B.A. asked.

"I'm…okay," Face moaned.

Hannibal was inspecting his arm…the same one that was dislocated. "Just a graze…but we need to stop the bleeding and get some help."

"Face, I'm going to see if there's a first aid kit in this car. Otherwise I'll get ours from the van."

"No, no…please don't leave me."

"Just for a minute kid, we need to stop this bleeding before you're empty."

Face had been able to hold it together for as long as there was danger but now that the storm was over everything was hitting him at once. The fear, the pain, the state Murdock was in, the new mark Lynch had left and so on. Hannibal was concerned by the way Face was starting to shake. He hated to see the forlorn look in Face's eyes as he pried his hands away and lowered Face to the ground but he needed supplies.

"I'll be right back." Hannibal got up, rummaged around in the trunk of Lynch's car and reappeared moments later with the first aid kit. He proceeded to wrap up Face's arm while he stayed very quiet. When he was almost done Face spoke while gazing off in the distance.

"Murdock…did it again…I'm bad for him. I didn't scream, but it wasn't enough."

"You didn't do anything kid, it was Lynch. Murdock will be fine, he's already functioning again. And you're not bad for him, you're the single best thing that ever happened to him, and he`s the same to you."

Murdock and BA came back and Murdock made a beeline for Face.

"How are you buddy?"

Face didn't answer, he just lay there and tears started to flow out of his eyes.

Murdock sat down beside him and carefully pulled him closer. "It's alright Face, it's all over now."

"It's back."

Face didn't have to say anything again. They all knew he was talking about the mark.

"Get in the back, fool…need your leg as headrest for the Faceman."

Murdock complied and BA carefully lifted Face into the car.

"Did you check the van?"

"Suckers sliced all tires…need to get new ones here to move it."

"Okay here's what we do. I want to get to the next town on the way towards Maggie and Mark and get a motel there. We call them as soon as we get a chance. The phone in the van doesn't have reception this far out."

"Yeah man, we's really deep in the woods. Good thing we didn't need this tracker…signal would never have reached us at the warehouse."

"Better not tell Face. The ride here took about two hours and from where we started it was 30 minutes to the cabin we placed Mark and Maggie in. I estimate that we need about an hour to reach the next town, maybe more with Face's condition and then Maggie and Mark will still need about two hours to meet up with us. I don't want to put his shoulder back in place but it needs to be done fast."

The ride was hell for Face but eventually they were settled in a motel room and Maggie and Mark were on their way.

"BA, Murdock I want you to go back and get the van then you call the police and ambulance to get those sick jerks there. Then go to the warehouse and retrieve the video band. I don't want this to come up and bite us. Face's prints are on the knife and I want a proof of what went down."

"No worries man. When we tied up Matthews and Miller I saw that Lynch had a band running recording everything that went on in the room. I removed it and took it along."

"Good, now get it done."

When they were alone Hannibal pulled a chair to Face's bed. Who was curled up once more.

"Face, doctors are on their way, just hang in there kid."

"Hurts."

"I know, he cut real deep."

"No…stomach."

"Your stomach? Let me see what's wrong, come on, remove your arms."

Hannibal gasped when he lifted up Face's shirt. Hi abdomen was one big bruise in different colors.

"Tell me if it gets worse. Doc's will be here soon."

When Hannibal called and informed them of what happened Mark had said Hannibal shouldn't even ask him to remove the scar again. He wouldn't do it.

Face drifted in and out of consciousness. He would fall asleep and then Lynch's face would pop into his mind and he would jolt back awake looking around wildly. Hannibal held his hand and rubbed his back praying that the damage wasn't as bad is it looked.

By the time the doctor's arrived Face was pale and sweating.

Maggie came over to the bed first. Unsure of Face's mental state, the doctor's had decided that it might be best if Maggie looked him over first. She had known him the longest and was also a female.

"How're you holding up, Face?" she asked gently.

"I'm…okay," he lied.

"I need to know exactly where it hurts, can you tell me?"

"Easier…if…I tell…you…where it…doesn't," Face quipped.

Maggie smiled; if Face was joking they hadn't lost him yet. "Okay, where doesn't it hurt?"

"My pinky toe…is feeling okay…other than that…not so good."

Hannibal was also happy to see that Face was making light of things, but he was well aware that it was partly a defense mechanism to avoid dealing with the reality of what had happened. "Okay, Mr. Comedian," he said. "Allow me to fill Maggie in and correct me if I'm wrong."

Face nodded his agreement, it was enough to be feeling the injuries…he didn't much feel like listing them.

"It looks as if Face's shoulder is dislocated. A bullet grazed that same arm…I bandaged it as best I could, but he lost quite a bit of blood. He has severe bruising on his midsection, my guess from repeatedly being kicked. And…well…you know about his leg."

"Face, is it okay if I take a look at you?"

Face again nodded; he doubted he would have much choice anyway.

Maggie ran her hands over his shoulder feeling for the degree of separation. The frown on her face told Mark all he needed to know as he observed from the other side of the room. She then unwound the bandage and inspected the graze. It was still oozing blood and would need to be cleaned and stitched.

"Face, I'm going to take a look at your belly now. I'll try to be gentle, but I'll need to press and feel a little bit okay?"

Another nod.

Maggie started with the lower abdomen and made circles with her hands. Face grimaced, but it wasn't until she started feeling her way up his rib cage that he gasped and tried to push her away.

Hannibal took hold of his hands. "Just breathe, kid. She's almost done."

It was Maggie that gasped when she made her way down to his thigh. It took all her will not to cry. The mark was back, except now it was larger. The skin looked inflamed and swollen, a product of both the new incisions as well as the burns from the knife.

"How…b…b…bad?" Face asked. He was specifically referring to his thigh, but Maggie took the opportunity to relay all of her preliminary findings first.

"You have a second-degree shoulder separation meaning that the ligaments are stretched and partially torn. I didn't notice any abdominal distention or hardness, which is a good thing. However, you have at least 6 broken ribs and there's no way of knowing if they are clean breaks or not until we get you x-rayed. The bullet wound looks clean, but it dug a rather deep trench and it needs to be cleaned and closed.

"My...my...leg?"

Maggie looked up at Hannibal not quite sure what she should say.

"I...I...know what's...there. Saw...it...before. Want...know...can...fix?" Face was having a hard time talking through the pain. When no reply came, he called on Mark who he knew was lingering out of his eyesight. "Mark...can...can...you...look?"

Mark obliged, but he had almost the same reaction as Maggie. Face had come so far and to see the way his leg looked now, it was heartbreaking. "Face, I'm not going to lie to you, because that will make it harder on you later on. I cannot remove this scar as I did the last one...it's too risky. We can only hope that the cuts aren't so deep that they hit muscle."

Face wasn't surprised at what Mark said, but it still hurt to hear it. "I'm gonna...wear...brand...of man...I killed...for rest...of...my life."

Maggie and Mark were taken aback; Hannibal hadn't mentioned the details of how Lynch had been taken down.

"Face," Hannibal said softly. "It was an accident. You were protecting yourself and he fell onto the knife."

"Broke pact...still killed...a man."

Mark looked at his patient and felt himself getting choked up. It was cruel and unfair that he should have this new cross to bear. "Face, let us tend to your injuries. There may be some resurfacing techniques we can try. I'm not promising, but we'll do what we can."

Maggie and Mark left the room to gather what supplies they would need and to talk strategy as to what procedures they needed to do and in what order.

Hannibal sat back down next to Face and said, "I'm so proud of you, son. You stood up to your fear and saved us in the process."

"Can...can I tell...you...something?"

"Anything, kid."

"I...I'm...glad he's...dead. Does...that make...me horrible?"

"No...it makes you human. And it makes you and I have yet another thing in common." Face smiled slightly and Hannibal added, "Just let the docs patch you up and then we'll talk some more."

"I on the other hand am sorry that the guy's dead." BA had just come back inside and heard the last part of the talk.

Hannibal shot him a warning look but BA didn't even see it as he continued on, "He got away way too easy. I would have loved to break every single bone in his body before giving him a way out, or let Faceman here do the honors."

"But…BA, how can you say that…our pact…."

"Is to never again kill another human bein'. This slime doesn't come under that definition."

Seeing that this was hard on Face Hannibal opted for a slight change of topic. "How did it go?"

"Got the van back…fool's just removing that metal sheet and checking our gear. Matthews and Miller are alright; get to feel a bit of the agony they inflicted. Got the band from the warehouse too, we's ready to move whenever Faceman's ready."

"Did you call the feds?"

"Not yet, let those guys suffer and live in fear for a while. I would say it's enough to call them in a day or two."

"Though you have a point there I don't think we should do that, we…."

"BA we are better than them."

"You're right Faceman. But they're dead meat if they ever come close to any of us again, if they should ever get out of prison that is."

"Here we go Face. Let's clean and stitch up your wounds and then we have to discuss where to move to. Here's not the right place for you." Mark came back in followed by Maggie and Murdock.

"As long as it's not in a basement I'm game."

"Don't even joke about that Face. Now what do you want first, leg cleaned or arm cleaned and stitched up."

"Any other options?"

"Nope."

"Take your pick."

"Arm it is, let's see it."

Face hissed at the pain but he was in enough agony to not feel it too much. Within a short time his arm was being cared for.

"The shoulder will have to wait until we get you x-rayed. Now your leg. We have to move you to your stomach or side, both not pleasant positions with your ribs and abdomen."

Maggie had an idea. "BA, get me those pillows from the other bed. We can move you to your stomach and support your thighs with pillows so that you're resting on your thighs and chest. We put the softest pillows under your abdomen just to support you without having too much pressure on it. It will still be painful but better than resting on your belly or ribs."

The doctors cleaned the leg as well as they could before turning Face back around. He was barely conscious and sweating profusely.

"We need to move him to a clinic to get proper treatment. We need him x-rayed and I need an ultrasound scan to make sure there are no trauma injuries to the abdomen. My clinic is the furthest from here; I think we should move him to Maggie's. That's still a long drive and we need to go for breaks in between but I can't really see another option. At the speed you can go and the breaks he'll need it's going to take you five to six hours. Maggie will ride with you and I'll take my car and get to my place as fast as I can, collect the portable x-ray machine and set everything up so we can get started the moment you arrive. I want you to leave as soon as Face has recovered from the treatment. The faster we get this shoulder back into position the better."

When Face had gained some control Maggie directed BA and Murdock to create a makeshift bed in the van. Then she turned to Face, "Ready to move Face?"

"Do I have much choice? I'm definitely ready to get this shoulder set, it hurts bad."

"Sorry for that, let's hurry then."

"I'm sorry, my pants are still laying in….at…Lynch…"

"Actually they are not," piped in Murdock." I took them along, wasn't right to leave them laying around there, even if you don't feel like wearing them again."

"Thanks Murdock."

"You won't need them anyway, for now I don't want you to wear anything with a waistband with all the damage done to your belly you'll only be uncomfortable. Also I don't think you want to pull pants over this leg. I'll get you a robe and we cover you with blankets."

The constant motion of the van combined with the intensity of his pain was making Face nauseous. They had only been driving for about thirty minutes when he looked up at Murdock who was sitting beside him. 'Gonna…be…sick," he gagged.

"B.A.! Stop the van!" Murdock yelled up to the front.

B.A. slowly brought the van to a halt and tried to ignore the sounds of Face repeatedly retching into a bucket. It was a good ten minutes before he was given the okay to start up again. The same thing happened a couple of more times until Face succumbed to his injuries and passed out.

"Thank goodness," Maggie sighed. "Maybe now he can get some rest."

Hannibal was staring out the window lost in thought. He couldn't shake the image of Face on that table as Lynch sliced into his leg.

"Hey…you okay?" Maggie asked gently.

"I failed him again, Maggie," Hannibal said with tears in his eyes.

"John…what are you talking about?"

"I failed him …the warehouse…it was my idea. And it's my fault that we got caught."

"You couldn't have known what was going to happen."

"It doesn't matter…I should have never put Face in that position."

Maggie squeezed his shoulder. "You got Lynch and his men… wasn't that the goal?"

"Yeah, but…"

"But nothing, John. Face will never have to worry about being hurt by that psychopath ever again."

Hannibal turned back toward the window. "I know, but I shouldn't have let them get the drop on us. Some leader I am."

B.A. had been eavesdropping from the front. But he felt he had to speak up. "You ain't just some leader…you the best. Now, I don't want to hear anymore of this crazy jibber-jabber." He turned his head to look back at the colonel. "You hear me?"

Hannibal looked at his sergeant and smiled, "yeah, I hear you."

B.A. grunted his approval and gave Maggie a small wink before focusing his attention back to the road.

Mark was waiting outside for them with a gurney as they pulled up in front of Maggie's. "You made good time," he said as Hannibal and B.A. got into position to move Face. "How did he take the drive."

"Was sick a few times and then he passed out," Murdock explained.

"I'm not surprised. Let's get him inside and right into the exam room."

Face started to moan the minute he was lifted off the van floor.

"He's coming around."

"BA, put him on the stretcher, let's move him fast before he's fully awake and feels everything." Mark didn't want to see Face in any more discomfort than absolutely necessary.

As soon as BA started to lower Face he started to toss and mumble "no, Lynch, no, leave me alone."

BA lifted Face back up "I got ya little brother, ain't no one gonna hurt you. I'll just carry you."

Face seemed to calm again, that was until BA wanted to put him on the table and picked him up again as the tossing and mumbling started.

"No BA, put him down. I can't take an x-ray as long as he's in your arms. We need to bring him around fully if he doesn't hold still."

"Can't we just wait 'till he comes around on his own?"

"No, this shoulder needs to be set, besides, I know you're strong but I don't think you can stand here like this for ages. Come on lower him, it's alright."

It wasn't easy to watch Face relive part of the ordeal while holding him on the table. Hannibal was talking to him, trying to bring him out of his nightmare but it took several minutes before he succeeded. From experience the team knew that he was going to have severe nightmares for a while, they had witnessed it first hand after the camps. Eventually though, Face's eyes focused on the man in front of him and he tried to attack before he fully came around.

"Sorry, I thought…"

"No need to apologize; not your fault, kid…besides we know you by now and were prepared. We are here for you Face, every step of the way."

"I…thanks."

Maggie pushed her way in between the men. "How are you Face? Any changes?"

"Uhm..yeah. My pinky toe is not feeling that good anymore."

She smiled at him. "Let's get that x-ray done and patch you up."

Some minutes later Mark and Maggie were studying the picture. "Nothing broken but the ligaments are badly sprained. There are some tears but nothing has torn completely. We can set it and then immobilize it for you. The good news is you don't need surgery. But it needs time to heal and needs to stay still for some time. After a week however we have to start you on range of motion exercises."

Mark moved to Face's side and took his arm while Maggie held his shoulders. The 'pop' that the shoulder made when being put back into place could almost not be heard over Face's cry of pain. He didn't get a lot of time to recover as the next x-ray was taken of his ribs. It revealed four clean breaks and two where the bones had shifted.

"I can set them from outside but afterwards you need to hold real still so they don't move again. But I first want a scan of your abdomen."

Mark moved the ultra sound machine closer and frowned at what he saw.

"What is it Mark?" Hannibal was clearly concerned.

"Nothing unexpected really, his inside is as bruised as his outside…bruised kidneys, liver and spleen. The bladder also looks as if it took a few hits. We have to monitor you closely, especially your in and output. Let's move you to a proper bed, I already prepared the closest room for you. Then I'll set your ribs and you can rest some. Unfortunately I can't wrap them up for you, not with the bruising you've got. That means strictly no movements."

"But…but my leg…what about my leg?"

"It has to heal some before we can make a decision."

Face turned pleading eyes to Hannibal, "Please, I don't want it there. I don't want to be reminded all the time."

Hannibal in turn looked back at Maggie, his eyes screaming "please help me out here".

"Mark, why don't we ultrasound to area and see how deep it goes? That way we can think about some options."

Mark agreed with Maggie's suggestion and they very carefully performed the test.

"Well?" Hannibal asked impatiently. He then added, "Sorry, it's just…"

"No, that's okay." Mark sat down next to Face and looked him in the eye. "Here's the deal. The cuts are deep, but don't seem to reach down to the muscle."

"Then…then…can…you help?"

"I think we can try some laser resurfacing techniques."

B.A.'s ears perked up at the mention of lasers. "You gonna use lasers to do what? How's that gonna fix anything?"

Maggie took over for Mark. "During laser scar removal, a laser is moved along the scar. This vaporizes or removes layers of the skin."

"Ouch," Murdock groaned.

"You would require multiple sessions…each extremely uncomfortable," Mark warned. "And even after, I can't promise the mark will be completely gone."

"S'okay…want it…done." Face was starting to feel embarrassed. He didn't want them to think he was being demanding or difficult. "I...sorry...please...can't live...with it."

"Shh, buddy. We get it," Murdock said. "No need to explain."

Face knew he didn't need to explain, but he wanted them to know how he was feeling. Unfortunately, his injuries were making it hard for him to focus on anything else but the pain. "Need to...tell...you. I know...be okay...you...all here. But...I feel...can't stop...memories...hurts...help me." He was babbling, but he was running on empty and had no control over what was coming out of his mouth.

"Hey, man...we gonna help you through all of it. Let us get you into bed and fix them ribs." B.A. said. His voice was soothing yet firm, and just what Face needed to calm his mind.

"Okay,' Face slurred.

If he had known just what was in store for him while the doctors repaired his rib cage, he might not have been that quick to agree. Setting it without cutting him had sounded good and in the long term it surely was the better option, but right now he didn't care about long term. It hurt…it hurt like hell and all he wanted was for them to stop. Mark had left the setting to Maggie while he was helping to keep Face still. Four sets of hands were pressing him down but had a hard time holding him there while Maggie stretched the bones apart in order to set them in the right position. The worst was bone grinding on bone during the 'fine tuning'.

After what seemed like an eternity Maggie announced that she was done but Face did not recognize it. He was out of his mind with pain, fighting internal demons. BA and Murdock stayed with him to make sure he wouldn't move while the doctors and Hannibal moved out of the room.

"Don't you think he needs any stitches on his leg?"

"No Hannibal, it's not bleeding and not open, the hot knife saw to that. Even if I stitch it together at those portions that are a bit apart it wouldn't help."

"You mean it's gonna stay like that? All the pain was for nothing?"

"Not exactly, it will heal from inside to outside and the end result will look far better than now. Right now it's puffy and swollen. Partly from the cut and mostly from the kicks to his leg. Once we start with the laser the first procedure will even help. The laser doesn't remove any scar; it only removes the outstanding and raised parts and helps to make it fade in color. In his case the scar tissue that was there already will help us to go deeper. The last scar had not healed and was raised, Lynch mainly cut through those tissues. It will be a long way but when we are done parts of the L-shape will be gone while the deeper parts will be less visible. He may still see an L there though."

"Can't you remove the rest like you did first?"

"I really don't want to cut him again. Let's see how he takes the end result of the laser therapy. He first has to heal some and then there's six to eight weeks between the sessions. Also, I can't do all the scar at once, it's too big. It's a long way to go."

Face gradually got the pain under control and his wits about him. The first thing he noticed was Murdock's face over him and the second thing the throbbing of his ribs.

"Hey there buddy, you back with us? I was afraid you went off to lalaland. Don't move, doc's say you need to lay real still until your ribs have joined together."

The last thing on Face's mind was to move. He planned on keeping as still as possible for as long as possible since every little movement hurt tremendously.

Meanwhile BA had gone to tell the others that Face was responding again and they all came back inside.

Upon spotting Mark Face lost no time, "When are you going to start with the laser?"

"Patience Face. It's scar revision, not wound revision. You need to heal first."

"What? No, I want it gone, I can't wait, please Hannibal, I can't, don't want to belong to him, Hannibal please, can't you cut it off for me?"

"Face, don't be silly. It…."

But Murdock cut him off. "Buddy what do you say we play some games? I'm really bored and I need your company here. Let me get a deck of cards. For me, please?"

"Okay." The answer sounded anything but okay but for Murdock he would do anything.

As Murdock left the room he pulled Hannibal along.

"What was that Captain?"

"Distraction. We need to take his mind off the scar and off Lynch if we want to keep him sane. He's close to the edge Hannibal. I've seen it too often. He didn't even argue with Mark but went right for you. If you too tell him no, he might just try to do something about it himself."

Maggie too had seen something and was pulling Mark from the room. "The laser therapy is going to take years; I don't think he can mentally take that. Don't you think we should consider another surgery? I mean, he's in so much pain right now, if we remove the burned parts and perform another Z plastic, sure it will be a painful procedure but once it's over he won't be in any more pain than he is now. And his mind could start healing too."

Mark was carting his fingers through his hair, "I don't know Maggie."

After witnessing Maggie's opinion Murdock pushed Hannibal towards the pair of them and went off in search for a deck of cards.

"Maggie's right, it's not like you would cause him that much more pain now but it saves pain in the long run. I can just see the kid doing something stupid if it all gets too much for him. It's not like we could babysit him for the next year or so. I know the nightmares will sure be there and if in addition he has to always think of this scar…"

Mark was torn, but Maggie could tell he was weakening. "He tried to cut the scar out himself once before, wouldn't it be safer if you did it for him now under sterile conditions?"

Mark ran a hand through his hair and sighed loudly. "Okay, you win."

"There are no winners in this case," Maggie corrected, "but I think you are doing the right thing."

"I hope so. I want to get it done today. No need to allow the tissues to start mending just to cut them open again a few days later. Maggie and I can set up and then we'll come back and explain the procedure to all of you."

"I'll go tell Face," Hannibal said.

Tears came to Face's eyes when Hannibal broke the news. He could finally relax enough to fall into a peaceful sleep. They waited for Face to wake up on his own a couple of hours later to get started.


	76. Chapter 76

It was inevitable, finally the end has come. Our thanks to everyone who has left a comment or read the story. Special thanks to Gemma 72, our most faithful fan.

Chapter 76: The final chapter

Mark sat by Face's bed wearing a serious look. "I'm going to perform what is called a surgical excision. I'll remove a football shape of skin around the long line and will then pull the skin together and close it in a new straight line using layers of deep and superficial sutures. If I'm very careful, I can reduce the incision to a fine mark that will fade considerably over time."

"What about the shorter cut?" Hannibal questioned eagerly.

"That will require a bit more work to conceal. If I perform the same method of extraction, the "L" shape will still remain even though it would be much less pronounced. To avoid this, I'm going to use the flap method. I'll cut out the original line and will also create a local flap perpendicular to the wound which gets pulled over as a cover. My goal is that when the flap is stretched into place and stitched it will match up with the first surgical excision site and the end result will be one line."

Murdock whistled. "That sounds like an awful lot of cutting."

Mark nodded. "Ideally I would wait until you have healed completely and we could do this under anesthesia." Face's eyes opened wide and he was about to object. Mark quickly finished his statement. "However, I understand how important it is for your recovery that we do this as soon as possible."

"Thank you," Face whispered.

"Don't thank me yet. Murdock was right; I will have to do a great deal of cutting…not to mention the stitching. Your thigh is still swollen and the wounds I will be removing are fresh. I don't foresee this causing a problem but it does mean I have to be more careful. Everything will need to be done slowly and precisely. It is going to be a very long and extremely painful process."

Face looked Mark in the eye. "Having to wait all that time while Lynch's brand healed into my skin and became a part of me would be more painful than anything you can do to me."

Mark stood. "Okay…then let's go. We set up for the surgery in exam room two. We have to be careful with your ribs during the transfer."

B.A. and Hannibal slowly slid Face off of the bed and onto a gurney. It wasn't until Murdock was wheeling him down the hallway with Hannibal and B.A. close behind that the realization of what was about to be done hit him.

Murdock looked down at Face and could tell he was getting anxious. "You doin' okay, Facey? Nervous?"

"Um…yeah…a little."

"Don't worry, buddy. We're gonna be with you the entire time."

"Don't want to make you watch this. Don't want you all see me so weak."

Murdock stopped rolling the gurney and the team walked around to Face's side.

"You are not weak, Templeton Peck," Hannibal said. "And you aren't making us do anything."

"Nobody can make B.A. Baracus do nothin'. We wanna be there with you."

Face smiled at B.A.'s tough yet tender tone. The smile was replaced by a look of sheer determination. "I'm going to see to it that as Mark cuts into me the pain has a purpose. Once it is over I am going to get well and get me back to where I was a few months ago. Only now, I am finally free of all the secrets I have been holding inside for so long."

"I think we all understand each other better," Hannibal said. He put his hand on top of Face's. Murdock added his to the pile and B.A.'s placed his jeweled hand on the top. "And we won't take our family for granted ever again. Now when we get in there, don't worry about trying to be strong for us…let us be strong for you, kid. Okay?"

Face nodded, too emotional for words. This was the end of possibly one of the hardest chapters in his life. All he had to do was get through this procedure and he could close the book for good and start a new one tomorrow.

Maggie opened the door to the room and as the procession moved inside she couldn't help but tear up. Mark had shown her diagrams of what he was planning and it was beyond comprehension that a human being should have to lay there awake let alone without any numbing agent whatsoever.

Face was slid onto the table the same way he had been moved onto the gurney a few minutes prior. Clad only in a hospital gown, he shivered as the cool air hit his warm skin.

Mark was already scrubbed and had his instruments layed out before him. Hannibal sat in a chair next to Face's head on one side, while Murdock and B.A. took seats on the other. The members of the team tried not to look at the various sharp scalpels that would soon be used in such a brutal manner. They knew their focus had to be on Face and that he was going to need them to distract him as much as possible from what was going on at the other end of the table.

Maggie came over holding what looked like a metal box. "Face, since we can't roll you onto your side, I'm going to put this under your lower leg. It should elevate your thigh enough so that Mark can gain access to the area." She paused uncomfortable telling him the rest. "I'm afraid we are going to have to strap you down...legs and arms. There is no way we can expect you to stay compeltely still on your own during this and..."

Face could see that Maggie's unease so he held up a hand to stop her. "It's okay, Mags. Go ahead...I'll be alright."

Face studied the ceiling and grimaced as he felt the straps being pulled against his limbs. "Sorry," Maggie said. "They need to be as tight as possible."

"S'okay," he replied. But the truth was he felt his heart start to beat faster.

Mark joined them at the head of the table. "You ready to go?"

Face tried to put on his best con man smile, but the confidence part was missing. "Yeah...as ready as I'll ever be."

"Just a few things, Face, before we start. Maggie will be monitoring your vitals and assisting me with the procedure. I want you to focus on breathing and remaining as still as you can. I know you are strapped down, but I still want to avoid even the slightest movement."

"How long do you think this will take?" Hannibal asked.

Mark shrugged and put his hands in the air. "There's no way to be sure. But my guess would be a couple of hours."

B.A. nervously played with his chains. "That long, man?"

Mark nodded. "At least."

Face shut his eyes and gritted his teeth as he felt the first stab of the scalpel entering his flesh. He balled his hands into tight fists and breathed deeply trying to manage the pain.

With each slow slice of the blade he envisioned somebody that had hurt him being cut out of his life. It was hard to tell what was more intense, the physical sensation or the mental release.

And as Mark began stitching the first wound closed he did as Mark instructed and just told himself to breathe. With each sharp poke of the needle he thought about his life being sewn back together.

The guys were talking to him; taking turns giving him words of encouragement.

"You hang in there, Faceman."

"Stay strong, Muchacho."

"I'm proud of you. kid."

The severity of the pain lessened suddenly and he heard Mark announce, "The long stroke is done. How're you feeling, Face?"

Face kept his eyes shut trying to remain focused and in the zone. "Okay..s'not...so bad." But there was still strain evident in his voice.

"Good...that's real good." Mark didn't have the heart to tell him that is about to get a lot worse. To remove the short stroke properly he would have to cut deep through some built up scar tissue that remained from the original attack. And all that before he would even begin to carve out the flap.

Maggie was aware of what lie ahead and she shot Hannibal a knowing look. He nodded his understanding a moved his chair a bit closer to the table.

Face was able to maintain his composure for the first few minutes. But then it felt as if Mark was literally sawing through his skin layer by layer. He let out a low moan, the first sound he had uttered since the start. He was losing control of his breathing and his eyes flew open in a panic.

"Hey, kid," Hannibal said taking hold of his tied down hand. "Slow breaths...I know it hurts...but you're doing great."

Murdock and B.A. placed Face's other hand between the two of theirs and felt the trembles.

"It'll be over soon, buddy."

"You can do this, man."

But they had no idea how bad it was. It was one thing to be cut quickly and have to handle the residual discomfort. But to slowly have a scalpel dragged repeatedly through tough tissues and exposed nerve endings was torture as bad as any he had ever experienced.

Mark knew this was going to be a challenge, but he wasn't aware to what degree. Face was starting to shake and it was slowing him down. He was also bleeding more than anticipated making it harder to see and worrying him about the well being of his patient.

"Maggie, how are his vitals?"

"Blood pressure is dropping a bit and heart rate is elevated, but he is still in an acceptable range."

Satisfied for the moment, Mark nodded and turned back to his task. .

Try as he might to remain quiet and still, Face couldn't get on top of the pain. He was breathing hard as the tears rolled down his cheeks. He grunted loudly and slammed his head against the table as the blade sliced deeper.

Face was shaking so badly that the table was beginning to vibrate, but Mark was too far in to stop now. He had just cut through a hard bit of tissue to remove the last of the short stroke when he heard Face's head hit the table. Mark looked up and pulled the scalpel away.

"His pressure is dropping, Mark," Maggie said anxiously.

"Damn, he's losing too much blood," Mark cursed, before starting to hand out orders. "Maggie, start an IV we need to get some fluids into him and then come here and help me with the blood flow. B.A., I need you to hold Face's leg still." Mark could see that Murdock was rocking slightly and he needed to occupy him. "Murdock, I'm going to need some more gauze and clean towels, can you go get them?"

He was about to turn to Hannibal, but there was no need.

Hannibal stood behind the table, Face's head supported between his hands. "It's okay, kid...it's okay. Look at me...focus on me. Breathe...just breathe."

"Face," Mark said loudly hoping that the agonized man would hear. "All I have to do is cut the flap and close you up. Hang tough, the worst is over...we're in the homestretch."

"You hear that, kid? It's almost over," Hannibal soothed. "Just stay with me."

Face was dizzy and nauseous...and the pain...the pain was unreal. But he looked into Hannibal's eyes as he stood above him and drew strength from his colonel.

Murdock returned with the supplies and took Hannibal's spot by the bed holding Face's hand. He locked eyes with B.A. and smiled slightly to indicate that he was okay. B.A. watched as Mark put a small scalpel onto Face's thigh and started to press. He looked away quickly and instead studied the rings on his fingers that were holding Face steady.

Face was feeling lightheaded and Hannibal's face began to fade before his eyes. The cutting of the fold wasn't as bad as the other parts, but the stretching of the skin into place was excruciating and it jerked him back to full consciousness. "Argh," he gasped.

Maggie wiped at the steadily flowing blood and jumped slightly when she heard Face's cry. But then she witnessed something more touching than anything she had seen before. Hannibal was leaning over Face and singing to him softly.

Hannibal didn't know what else to do to help his boy so he started to sing. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine...you make me happy when skies are gray..." He watched as Face's breathing evened out and his features began to relax a bit. His eyes drifted shut, and though he was still awake, he focused on Hannibal's voice and it got him through.

Two hours and twenty-five minutes after the start of the operation, Maggie gave Hannibal a thumbs-up sign signaling that they were through before carefully undoing Face's restraints.

Hannibal removed his hands from Face's head as well and stopped singing. "Hey, kid," he said. "It's all over."

Face just moaned in reply; the pain and exhaustion consuming him.

They all gathered around the table as Mark spoke. "The procedure was a success. How're you feeling now, Face?"

Another moan, followed by the fluttering of his eyelids. "Lucky...feel lucky."

The group remained speechless. After all of his suffering, Face was telling them he felt lucky. Perhaps they were the lucky ones for knowing somebody as special as him.

As awful as he felt, Face had to tell them all something else before he passed out. "I...I...can't...ever...repay...you...all...of you...for...for...every...everything. Thank...thank you."

When the lieutenant woke up the following morning, as cliché as it sounded, he felt like a new man.

Of course there was tremendous pain and there would be for a long time to come. But the difference was that his head and heart felt clear and he was in a much better frame of mind to handle the struggles that lie ahead. And there were plenty of them.

The grueling physical therapy sessions began a few days after the procedure. Face's leg was healing remarkably well and from the outside all that was visible was a long line that would continue to fade over time. But the damage that had been done internally was substantial.

The pain was so great at times that it could still make him sick and it would take him months to come before he regained full use of the limb. But still, he was happy to be able to walk again...even if it was slowly and stiffly. And even if he needed to rely on his friends or a cane for support.

The healing went on well and they all knew it was about time to move on. Hannibal wanted to drag that out as long as possible using the cover that Face might still need a doctor while he actually enjoyed to taste some normal everyday live with Maggie. They all played along with him, feeling happy for their colonel. Right until the evening he came into the room looking anything but happy, rather like he had seen a ghost. Everybody apart from Face, who was asleep already, was there.

"What's the matter colonel?" Murdock felt uneasy but couldn't place it yet.

"Lynch, he ain't dead."

"What do you mean he ain't dead. I saw him, you saw him, Faceman killed him, fool saw pink elephants or something."

"We never checked."

"Man had a knife sticking out of his chest, what's there to check?"

"Amy just called. Remember we all wondered why nothing came in the newspaper? The military covered it. She just found out. The feds found Matthews and Miller tied up as we told them but the body we said was in the other room, wasn't there. Instead they found a severely injured just outside the door. He must have come around in between and crawled outside. To Amy's information he was in coma for a week but unfortunately survived. Apparently he has trouble explaining why he was together with Matthews, a wanted escapee, and what for the torture room was build. He claims he can't remember how he got there and who injured him. Turned out Miller had a history being a rapist and was wanted anyway so those two are back where they belong but Lynch is free and the military is doing their best to forget about the incident rather than to have to answer to the public."

"That swine. Hannibal, we have to get those tapes to Amy to publish." Murdock was livid. This couldn't be happening.

"No…."

"But…"

"No for two reasons. First of all it could get Amy in trouble. How would she have gotten the tapes without a connection to us and with the way the military is trying to cover, you never know how far they would go. And two, those tapes are quite delicate for Face. I'm sure they took prints and know he was in the room, his prints and blood was all over. We were in cuffs and didn't touch much inside, but you BA had your hands on the tape recorder. They probably know there was a tape of some sort but Lynch not blaming this on us speaks volumes. If they get the tape and we get our pardons some time, Face might be called in to answer questions he wouldn't want to answer."

"You just want to let this guy go score free? "

"Captain, if I had the slightest hope that this tape would get Lynch locked up I would inform Face and let him decide. But I suspect they would call it a fake from known fugitives and cover his ass. They'll make us look like the bad guys. "

"You don't want to tell Face? He needs to know."

Hannibal run a weary hand through his hair and reached for a cigar. "Not now."

"Fool's right colonel. You can't let him think he killed a guy while it ain't true."

"Eventually BA, but not now. He said he was glad Lynch was dead. The chapter is closed for him. The nightmares are bad but he never dreams about killing the bastard. If we tell him now it will only get worse for him, he'll live in constant fear of the guy and I won't have that."

"But…"

"But nothing. He doesn't need to know, not now anyway. We'll have him with us for quite some time to come until he's well enough to be on his own and we'll keep an eye out. We have to anyway, we're wanted after all. We'll monitor the guy, keep track of where he is and what he does. But we have to leave here."

The next morning Hannibal told Face that there was word that a new man had been assigned to their case and that he was headed their way. They were ready packed and prepared to move. Therefore, exactly a month to the day later, Face repeated those same words. "I can't ever repay you all for everything. Thank you." This time, however, he was standing on his own two feet outside of the van.

"No need to thank us, Face," Maggie smiled.

"I feel as if I owe you," Mark said. "I'm a better doctor...and a better person...for having known you." He looked to the other team members and added, "all of you."

They hugged all around and began saying their farewells to the doctors they had grown so fond of.

The team began to climb into the van. Hannibal took some extra time to say good-bye to Maggie while B.A. and Murdock helped make Face comfortable lying down in the back. Face had protested at first, wanting to sit in his usual seat. But they had a long trip ahead of them and sitting on his injured thigh still was very uncomfortable.

Hannibal waved at Maggie and Mark through the window when they finally pulled out.

It was a quiet trip at first; each lost in their own thoughts and memories. None of them could have imagined that what started with a fraternity pin would end with the strengthening of their bond and the formation of a brotherhood of their own.

Eventually, however, Face began to whine, Murdock talked to Billy and Chuck, and B.A. yelled at them both. Hannibal smiled and smoked a cigar while listening to his boys bickering playfully. Maybe he hadn't planned what had happened over the past months, but he sure loved how it all came together in the end.

The End


End file.
